View Full Version : You know your working in a dive if.......
Winged Dinghy
06-02-2009, 10:13 PM
There's a sign in the dressing room that says, "Don't come to work with staph or boils!!! YOU ARE SPREADING THEM!"
And "staph" is misspelled--as "staff."
JayATee
06-02-2009, 10:16 PM
There's a sign in the dressing room that says, "Don't come to work with staph or boils!!! YOU ARE SPREADING THEM!"
And "staph" is misspelled--as "staff."
Haha, I can't tell you how many times I've seen signs like this with basic words completely mangled. It amazes me.
firemaiden04
06-03-2009, 01:42 AM
there is a lucky grasshopper that is supposed to make it a good night.
the manager says to you 'it doesnt matter that the new girl is fat and has extreme acne. shes got huge tits. and anyway, shes dayshift.'
LOL at the day shift thing...it's the same deal at my club.
And maybe I'm the only one, but I think the club having a lucky grasshopper is pretty damn cute.
Athenathefabulous
06-03-2009, 03:05 AM
- when one of the girls is an ex craiglist prostitute freshly out of jail
- when the locker room looks like it was at one time a broom closet
- when often you can only use half of the already small locker room due to the other half being flooded
- when you are offered pizza hut coupons as currency for a lapdance. and the customer seriously expects you to accept it.
- when one stripper is yelling at the other stripper for being a baby for needing to go to jail because she is only going for one month and most of the other girls have spent at least a year there
- when a stripper walks in complaining that her hand hurts because her kid gave her attitude. and gets sympathy from the other strippers.
wow reflecting on this makes me really glad that i am now at an upscale club. im not a fan of the dives.
blueyedmiss18
06-03-2009, 06:00 AM
when 2 dancers jump a bartender because she now dances two nights a week and theres no one there to break it up but the other girls and our owner/manager/bartender/house mom...
when the cops come they dont do anything because its a hole in the wall... they just tell the girls to leave
then ask if theres cameras in the bar becuase they want to get up on the pole...
then of course no customers come in because they stood outside talking shit for a good 30 mins with there cop lights still on
definitly a dive and definitly a rant lol sory happend last night
MysteriousMisty
06-04-2009, 07:44 AM
the VIP rooms have buckets on nearly every sofa and on the floor because that's cheaper than repairing the leaks whenever it rains.
The parking lot looks like a landmine because that's also cheaper than keeping the surface smooth.
The carpet on the main floor has duct tape in some parts
desert cats, crickets, grasshoppers and other flying insects make the parking lot and back entrance their special place to gather every night
the poles are so old that even they smell bad
Some of the seats on the main floor are so bad that if a heavy set person has been sitting in them, the cushion remains sunken.
Fahren
06-16-2009, 10:51 AM
... when people come in wearing wife beater shirts with stains on them ask for a $5 dance and then ask how much for a 69...
...when the only bouncer is the manager and he doesn't watch the cameras, or the customers, or the girls and takes off to go do errands... and anyone can walk in off the railroad tracks across the street shoot you on stage and get away...
...when the girls are drying there gstrings in front of a fan in the dressing room...
...when after the shitty wooden stage is patched up the patched up parts glow in the black lights...
...when the only girls that are ready refuse to go on stage because "I gotta finish my beer, so I can get another one." And they are drinking dollar draft bud lights.
tlove0113
06-16-2009, 12:48 PM
When there is a sign in the dressing room that reads, "If you have sex before you come to work, please wash up and/or douche before you start your shift."
Anastacia79
06-18-2009, 10:18 AM
you know it's a dive if when a customer brings in his dogs, and the bartender pours the dogs drinks, too. Btw, the girls love puppies. :)
when the customers arrive via snowmobile, and so do the dancers.
When drinks consist of wine in a box or cans of beer.
When the dancers are regularly tipped in game meat or freshly caught fish.
When a customer offers to take the dancers out to a really fancy restaurant...called red lobster.
this club sounds cool! Where is it?!?
Ali Chin Chin
06-21-2009, 02:16 PM
When the stripper pole came from the plumbing section of home depot (Hott 22 Circa 2003....
Or the stripper pole is an actual 5" wide structural fixture! (Stiletto, NJ- you can see it in the movie, "The Wrestler"
fantasiarene
06-21-2009, 10:54 PM
I wanna be tipped in game meat and freshly caught fish too!!! I love some deer meat and salmon. I work in what's considered a dive but I love it. Our manager bartender is trying to clean it up and hire better girls and up the clientel. Our bar is kind of like a Cheers-type bar too.
callista
06-22-2009, 03:02 AM
when you can smell other dancers coochies from across the dressing room, and you're the only one bothered by it.
when pbr is the top beer.
when you wear tube socks only once, because after you give a dance once without your shoes on with them you have to throw them away - the dirt stains won't come out, why try?
when you get a compliment on having all your teeth.
when you hear a manager lecturing a girl about how she needs to give head in the parking lot like 'the other girls'.
when the other girls think you're a stuck up bitch for drinking grey goose and wearing victoria's secret, instead of bikinis from walmart.
when the bar doesn't HAVE top shelf booze except for Jack Daniels..... Smirnoff is the best vodka they have.
when no one gets dressed for work until the NASCAR race is over.
when "red bull" is actually mountain dew.
when people look at you funny cuz you don't have any kids, you're not pregnant, and you haven't just given birth.
when you're pretty sure that the former kitchen is now being used to cook meth.
I swear, can't make this shit up. I wish I could, but I can't. Not just in one club, it was several across michigan
And from the customers standpoint:
When the other customers get pissed off because you obviously are a high roller, for tipping $5 on stage.
When dances are $3 from a BBW.
When a customer gets pissed off cuz you paid $5 for the dance from the woman mentioned above.
shinysugar
06-22-2009, 03:13 AM
when a girl hawks a loogy on her nipple to get the customer to give her a dollar (actually happened)
callista
06-22-2009, 03:27 AM
^^^
wow. just...... wow. amusing, and disturbing all at the same time.
shinysugar
06-22-2009, 03:29 AM
that was a fun night
girlygirl21
08-18-2009, 01:11 AM
None of the bathrooms in the dressing room has locks on them
You cant find a a locker that will fit your lock because they are all so busted
When you can move the shelves of lockers
When there is a bucked right inside the front doors, behind some of the chairs on the floor, and on stage to collect water when it rains
When the pole is supposed to spin around but it moves when your holding on to it
When everyone is sitting around playing cards because there is literally no one in the club
When girls offer to have sex with the manager so they dont have to pay tip out
When there is blood on the toilet seat (saw this one tonight)
When homeless people try to sneak in for a free show
When the mirrors are completely cracked in the dressing room all the way across from a fight where a girl tried to throw a chair at another one
When none of the seats are bolted down to the chair frame and all the tables wobble
dancinslifoxxx17
08-18-2009, 06:45 AM
When the club is an old 2 story home
You have to walk around to collect quarters to play music for your set
VIP is 2 old lazy boy recliners that feel like they're going to give out at any time
Smoke comes billowing out of the dressing room every time you open the door(mostly pot but sometimes super funky smoke)
You have to sell fake drinks for $5 $10 or $15 and it's mostly ice or juice
Hear girls yelling out across the room..if they got their drugs etc.
Stage feels like it will break at any moment
The manager lives "upstairs"
Fun names like The Dungeon
Drugs are done on the bar
Girls pass out and pee on themselves(and it's the norm)
ViolaStrings
08-18-2009, 12:38 PM
OMG, people please tell me where these clubs are.
spyder
08-18-2009, 01:54 PM
...the only person "makin' it rain" on stage is God through the hole in the ceiling
...the place runs out of Bud Lite on a saturday night because the beer delivery guy won't take a check 'cause the last one bounced (and customers leave because of this)
...a dude offered to pay me with a food stamp
...the customer restroom floods every night because the place won't get it fixed (these guys would keep pissing into a backed up toilet and eventually there'd be a piss river leaking out from under the door)
...the biggest response of the night is when some chick dances to that "redneck woman" song
cyberstripper
08-18-2009, 06:13 PM
All of the above and:
-The club used to be a restraunt, and still LOOKS/SMELLS like one including booths with that vinyl that sticks to your ass!
-The pole spins and it SHOULDN'T!
CherryBomb954
08-18-2009, 06:40 PM
I wanna be tipped in game meat and freshly caught fish too!!! I love some deer meat and salmon..
OMG that reminds me.... I got tipped in game meat once! Elk to be exact!
I wasn't working at a "dive" really,...well at least not most people's definition of one. No clubs here in Tucson are really that great.....they are all dives compared to other places IMO.
The guy was really cool, mostly a bar fly but got dances from certain girls. He hunted Elk somewhere, I can't remember where he told me.
He brought the meat in for me when I was not there one day, and they kept it in the freezer for me. Good eatin!
JayATee
08-19-2009, 12:14 AM
...the only person "makin' it rain" on stage is God through the hole in the ceiling
:rotfl: :rotfl:
We have this problem in the dressing room.
spyder
08-19-2009, 08:36 AM
i forgot one: the prodigious use of duct tape. To fix broken chairs/tables, to cover holes punched in walls, taped over a crack in a dressing room mirror like a band aid, holding up a 'please flush the toilet' sign. One time my shoe broke and lo and behold, someone offered me duct tape.
callista
08-22-2009, 03:48 AM
OMG, people please tell me where these clubs are.
hahahah how much time do you have?
i got most of these quotes from little dive bars in flint, michigan, or surrounding/northern areas. my dad knows i dance, and so do his friends.... they think it's quite amusing to tell me these little tidbits, and listen to me bitch about it.
one of his friends literally told me, "You JUST wear victoria's secret? like, no bikinis from walmart?"
I replied, "No, I get my bikinis from Target"
Him: "Damn Mikey, your girl is high class!"
My dad nearly pissed his pants. ;D he's very good natured about it all.
BuxomBeauty
08-22-2009, 09:13 AM
The bartender wears house slippers at work.
The pool table is littered with several different species of dead bugs.
The "dressing room" is a storage room with a couple cheap mirrors tossed in.
You ask the bartender if they have Belvedere, and his response is: "WTF is that?!"
The dancers play their own music on the CD player. DJ?
Pest control is done by the cat who lives in the club.
The dancers buy their own hasps and hinges to repair the club's wooden lockers themselves.
The lap dance couches are all old school bus benches. And they're not bolted down.
The "main attraction" dancer lives in a camper parked permanently behind the club, situated so she can walk out the back door and go straight into her camper. She calls it her "dressing room".
You get splinters in your ass from the stage.
I could think of more, but I'm tired. ha
shasta
08-22-2009, 09:25 AM
Girls 8 months pregnant on stage.
Dollar drink cards.
Marilynxoxo
09-12-2009, 09:07 PM
"Your nose grazes a guys collar only to go numb. Then you notice he is covered in a suspicious white powder" - Quoted from a Coworker who is also a SW Junky.
A dancer wears a court mandated ankle monitor.
The "VIP Room" has a leaky ceiling and wet floors
lilynixon
09-15-2009, 05:29 PM
So after over a year of lurking, this thread gave me the inspiration to make my first post ever. I'm Marilynxoxo's roommate, and the co-worker she mentioned whose nose went numb. Not only was working at this club my first experience with cocaine contacting a mucous membrane, but also with the joys of head lice!
http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx23/lilithnixon/ridex.jpg
I'm posting this with a head full of FUCKING LICE SHAMPOO. Seriously. WTF.
Oh, and it was my first time falling from the top of a club ceiling... the molding was old and crumbly, and broke while I was hanging from it.
http://tinyurl.com/qwrqphttp://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx23/lilithnixon/l_1bea508cc1e14790b1866ff5434b926f.jpg
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=90871873&albumID=2838972&imageID=50516819
After falling to my doom, a guy at stage actually had the nerve to ask if I gave head. In total seriousness. Talk about insult to injury.
Do I win?
devilkitty
09-18-2009, 12:42 AM
^^^^ Wow you are wayyyy too pretty for head lice and falling ceilings. Big hug. Lice are the most disgusting creatures ever.
JayATee
09-18-2009, 07:33 AM
You know the lice thing is one of my biggest fears. We're so close to ppl and that freaks me out worse than anything.
You poor thing! :hug:
DesuvsDeath
09-18-2009, 02:10 PM
Ohhh jesus. Lice?
(Ohhay, you remind me of my ex... ;))
That never even occured to me as a possibility.
Driven
09-22-2009, 03:38 PM
Lilynixon,
One...you are beautiful.
Two...yes, you win.
ilovetobenaked
09-22-2009, 04:10 PM
delete
Morgan_Lafae
09-22-2009, 06:40 PM
The VIP room gets turned BACK into a storage closet because all the locals think it's too expensive for 'just a dance.'
I love my dive bars too :)
msb1973
10-05-2009, 06:07 AM
I knew I worked at a dive because...
The stage was sooooooo dirty and they'd never clean it that when you did floor work you'd end up with dirt all over your knees, or if wearing stockings they'd be all dirty and nasty right away...
One of the girls prided herself on "having her way with the truckers"
The owner made you pay basically half for everything, and wouldn't even give you free water to drink while on shift
My friend and I were the more attractive girls in the club and would always get bypassed for the nasty looking girls
The VIP looked more like office cubicles
and finally, this is how I know I worked in a dive...
The dancers would take naps on the VIP couches and have the DJ wake us up when customers came in since the club was so dead!
chitownchick
10-15-2009, 11:20 PM
the vip rooms are the same as the nude rooms, except all the tables in the vip rooms are broken so basically they are shittier then the nude rooms, oh wait nevermind, the tbales are broken in the nude rooms too and outside it says, newly renovated vip rooms.
coco34
10-17-2009, 05:44 AM
the vip rooms are the same as the nude rooms, except all the tables in the vip rooms are broken so basically they are shittier then the nude rooms, oh wait nevermind, the tbales are broken in the nude rooms too and outside it says, newly renovated vip rooms.
I saw something creepy and crawling along the wall in one of those couch rooms the other night...
yogibear179
11-18-2009, 03:01 AM
the air coming out of the ceiling is shooting out dust bunnies on girls heads !
good times
firemaiden04
11-18-2009, 01:05 PM
When the lap dance couches are cheap, cheap, cheap furniture that has stuffing pouring out all over the place.
GlitterBexie
11-18-2009, 01:08 PM
When the pole's are really scaffolding bought off a building site and bolted to the stage!
BoxOfPandora
11-19-2009, 09:11 AM
When your VIP rooms are called "booths." Sorry, I think that is tacky, and girls actually call it that to customers. Furthermore, these "booths" are closets with two chairs facing each other, blocked off by a shower curtain.
heavenly.nights
11-19-2009, 11:59 AM
The club's pole is portable, but not by design.
Girl's response to being asked for a VIP dance "Daddy can't we do that at home?"
Busiest day in the club is the day the Welfare cheques get delievered.
Only thing that works in the club is the condom vending machine, as it is the big money maker.
Kylea2
11-19-2009, 04:54 PM
My recent "dive" experiences:
The chairs are made from those old milk cans once found on the front porches of homes. They've been spray painted black and a leather cushion add to the top.
http://www.jameschristen.com/StoryImages/MilkCan.jpg
The dance booths have car stereos installed with a chain from the wall to the remote control. You are expected to have your own CDs and the CD players skip continuously to the point that you just get irritated, pull out the CD and count out 3 minutes in your head while dancing.
The bathroom is attached to the dressing room and when the toilet overflows no one seems to care... even though they have to walk through 3" of water to get back to the floor.
The seats of all the toilets have been removed to make sure the dancers don't do lines off of them.
Girl's get super excited and leave the club because some guy offers them $50.
- when you are offered pizza hut coupons as currency for a lapdance. and the customer seriously expects you to accept it.
Wait, who was I with at the club that the customer brought in a 1/2 a watermelon for a dance? I was thinking that was you! Maybe it was Nikki or Chanel. Geez, the things people try!
Paris, I've totally been offered Red Lobster in a small town. I don't go out with customers but the next night the same guy offered me a chain steak house and my reply was "Aren't there any nice independent places here?" LOL
Jasmin96
11-19-2009, 06:43 PM
Pest control is done by the cat who lives in the club.
OMG I wish I worked at a club that had a cat.
<3 kitties.
Scarlette_Lucre
11-19-2009, 10:22 PM
OMG I wish I worked at a club that had a cat.
<3 kitties.
the more pussy the better. plus you could have the kitty sit on your lap when a punter pisses you off to help relieve stress.
that's it when i open a strip club i'm going to have a dressing room stress relief cat. and a small communal vacume cleaner...
BoxOfPandora
11-20-2009, 10:47 AM
We had two kittens once. One girl was giving them to an other and they spent the night in the dressing room (and on stage for a while). They made the night a happy one. Until they left and I had a customer piss me off (ie call me a whore, tell me to come home with him to "make more money," and touch my vag, at which point I ended the dance) and my manager MADE ME GIVE THE GUY BACK HIS MONEY! <_< another sign you're working in a dive, if your manager has to suck up to the nastiest and cheapest of customers to keep business
Kylea2
11-21-2009, 11:03 PM
Oh, I also forgot to add that you know you work in a dive when the customers tear their money in half, wad it up and throw it at the dancer to tip... you know - to make the money last longer.
Yeah, there was a line of half dollar bills along the dressing room mirror. Whomever was tipped the second half got to keep the dollar!
SoStellar
11-24-2009, 11:36 AM
Girls 8 months pregnant on stage.
Dollar drink cards.
What??!! WOW....
I haven't seen much in my dive except for the usual shitty chairs and jukebox :P
Correction:
The ceiling in the DR is warped from a shitty roof that leaks when it rains
The part that is litterally exposed is being held up by Miller Lite boxes and pieces of wood. The insulation is SPILLING out of it. And the owner wont do anything about it because he's a fucking cheap ass.
The heater in the DR is a kerosene heater that doesnt light up on the first ignition..(it takes like 30 tries)
Theres a towel on the stage in the corner that "collects" water from the dripping ceiling.
The men's bathroom has a "window" square with no glass in it... to make sure there's nothing "weird" going on in it.
I'm sure there's more I just probrably haven't noticed.. lol
carmen_b
11-24-2009, 12:35 PM
Kylea: Those are hilarious! This is actually a place you worked in ? No way !
upthesadie
11-24-2009, 03:03 PM
when the club is literally attached to a skeezy motel
when the only stage is a wooden platform 2 feet wide sticking out like a peninsula into the room with one pole stuck in the middle
when the dj has such a heavy southern accent and is so fucked up that you can't understand a word he says and he mumbles incoherently throughout the girls' songs
when your dressing room gets infected with fleas
when all the drinks come in plastic cups and shots come in little mouthwash cups
when the "vip room" is a cramped room with two stone benches covered in shitty carpet facing each other with about two feet between them
when the mirror in the dressing room has a giant spiderweb-like crack on it from where a girl punched it while angry and drunk
when EVERYONE smokes newports