View Full Version : You know your working in a dive if.......
sananeko
11-24-2009, 06:07 PM
When the stage looks like a cock fighting ring with poles.
Kylea2
11-25-2009, 02:54 AM
Kylea: Those are hilarious! This is actually a place you worked in ? No way !
Oh, yes - I have.
I almost forgot to mention the clubs with cockroaches... I'm sure a lot of girls in SF have seen them in the clubs. I never saw them in Hustler but most of the others on Broadway had them back in the day.
Ryleigh
11-25-2009, 08:37 AM
When the owners, bouncers, front door man, bartender etc are all in the same family.
when the DJ calls for a dancer, and another one yells "MOM! Get your ass on stage!!"
When the bar serves nothing but soda, water, nachos, hot dogs, pickles and hot sausages.
When the Dj does the SAME EXACT show, plays the SAME MUSIC night after night after night...etc.
When making 100 bucks is the highlight of your week.
When the club is only open 3 days a week, thurs, fri, sat, and when they tried opening it up on Wed, they had to close, cuz the dancers only made like 5 bucks.
Not as bad as some, but worse than others. -_-
BoxOfPandora
11-25-2009, 09:09 AM
^Lol, does that make us high class. We have popcorn (no nachos, but hotdogs on game nights), soda, but we also have... dun dun dun.... tonic water and red bull!! Yeah, we're so sophisticated XD
When they absolutely refuse to give the club a liquor license for the 27 years it has been open.
Ryleigh
11-25-2009, 09:19 AM
Oh i forgot! We have red bull too! And FLAVORED water! *wink wink*
But my club lost their liquor license a few years back in a drug bust :P
They say it was because the club used to be nude, and in South Car no nude clubs can serve alcohol, and they didn't bother to renew it, but some of the older dancers told me the REAL reason lol!
BoxOfPandora
11-25-2009, 11:17 AM
Same law here ("upstate" NY). Oooh ooh! An other sign!
When it's full nude, and none of the girls actually get naked because there's only one guy at stage and 10 assheads against the wall not tipping. Furthermore, those assheads complain that no one is getting naked, even when I explain you have to pay to see.
When the main attraction seems to be the pool table... And the same assheads complain that the girl isn't taking anything off at all when they're the only customers in the place.
Correction- Only assheads besides the manager who is also the doorman, bouncer, dj, and when the bartender is smoking outside or doing a drug deal (or going around dancing on customers), but doesn't do ANY of those jobs half (or all) the time because he's nodding out from percocets and vicodin. And doesn't do shit as bouncer, because the $5-$10 the club makes is more important than the dancers safety/dignity. And we are not allowed to be our own bouncer or call the cops because it's bad for business and we can get busted for all the drugs in the place.
Ryleigh
11-25-2009, 11:36 AM
(Not the club i work at, but one my hubby used to bounce at. )
When the front door hangs off its hinges and has multiple bullet holes in it.
When a club will hire ANY dancer, regardless of looks/dancing talent, just to have their tip-out.
When other dive's make fun of a dive. XD
When the owner fines the bouncer $100 for looking in the VIP rooms during dances for security.
When one bouncer has more teeth than all the girls combined.
And, here's the kicker:
When you have to keep clothes you wear to work separate from your everyday wear because the smell won't come off, no matter how many times you wash them/ spray them with fabreeze.
lilgameplaya
11-25-2009, 05:21 PM
When there's shit streaks on the bathroom walls, dressing room walls, and lockers.
When there's cum stains on the (busted ass) chairs... that glow under blacklight.
M3wlove
11-27-2009, 01:03 AM
^ i just cried from laughing at that one
when the housemom scoops up forgotten thongs to resell them at another club.
when you find a joint in a bathroom stall at the beginning of your shift then find it again, half smoked, during a break.. even though the housemom keeps watch of the bathroom, which is kind of part of the dressing room.
when the dj panics and yells, girls! DONT break the pole this time! while theyre doing a regular stage set.
Lola_sinn
05-19-2010, 08:58 AM
You know you work in a dive when the ATM regularly breaks down, and the manufacturers refuse to replace it because it is such an outdated model
xsomnambulist
05-19-2010, 10:01 AM
...if there's no ATM or credit card machine at all.
charlie61
05-19-2010, 01:52 PM
^ Nightmare!!
alexa111
05-19-2010, 04:12 PM
You know you're at a dive when the manager steals money out of th atm to gamble at the horse track...needless to say the atm was often "out of order"
amandelicious
08-01-2011, 10:01 AM
Wasn't working at this club at the time, was visiting as a patron... but this was too good to pass up. This all happened the same night mind you...
* Witnessed a screaming match between blond stripper and brunette stripper because blondie's boyfriend was drunk off his ass and let the brunette sit on his lap. Bouncer was oblivious to the threats screamed across the room until brunette dancer took refuge behind my table, crying. I had to call him over. *le sigh*
* Witnessed a heated argument escalate into a shoving match between two patrons just outside the men's rest room. One was a smallish college student... the other was a one armed cowboy. Hook hand, cowboy hat, duster... the whole nine yards. Again, bouncer didn't notice until I flagged him down.
* Witnessed a fully nude and rather large-set dancer doing the 'running man' in 6" platforms, then preceded to do a line dance to 'honky tonk badonkadonk'. This was her main stage set *omfg*
* My boyfriend decided to be a sweetheart and share the dancer sitting on his lap. He paid her to give me a LD there at the table. She did a great job! Until she put her ass in my face and teasingly moved her thong to the side to give me a veeeery up close meet and greet with her back door. Oh, and she had an ass crack hairier then my bf's. *gag* She then tried to give me her real name, phone number and relative home location so we could all get together and play pool at her house... :O
* Saw a dancer that instead of opting for the standard garter or small dancer's purse had chosen an diaper bag sized coach purse. Which she used as a barrier between her and any customers she sat next to.
* The bf reported on the drive home that the last private LD he got from this cute petite girl in a white beater and plaid school mini was a total disaster. 10 mins before they closed, she was so drunk she fell of him twice (full contact byob club), he had to help her find and put on her shoes afterwards. AND she kept alluding to the fact that she could offer him far better then what was waiting for him in the main dance area (ie me...lol) He protested and she continued slurring that what she had was better then anything he'd every had. He finally pushed her off him, gathered her shoes and led her out the LD room by her arm... depositing her in the care of the under-attentive bouncer.
* This last one's just a rant: two benches full of girls sitting bored outside the LD room, bitching that there was no money tonight... when there was not one SINGLE dancer on the floor working the customers for over an hour. This is a commissioned job ladies... not a stripper super market where the customer shops for you.
Won't be going back there any time soon...
xGigi
08-01-2011, 11:42 AM
there's no house fee on sunday, monday, tuesday, or wednesday because otherwise half the girls wouldn't even make gas money
the manager lets all the extras girls come in late, skip stage, and leave early because they're the only ones keeping the club in business
your jaw drops when a non-extras girl makes over 300 dollars
22lligm
08-01-2011, 12:36 PM
some of these have already been said but i have to include my old club..
- the 'dressing room' is probably 3 feet wide and is more like a long storage closet than a dressing room..when there's more than 2 girls back there at a time its beyond crowded
- theres a sliding door in the DR that has a hole in the floor like a shower and one girl uses it as a toilet
- girls pee in the trash can
- in the DR you can hear the people in the alley and cars driving down the street because the walls are paper thin and don't even connect to the ceiling
- the broken vending machine is your 'bar'
- making 200 is BANK
- there are no poles in the club..the stage looks like an old theater..
- girls are allowed to walk to the porn store nextdoor in their outfits & heels to get chips
- the 'dj' is a computer with music on it & the music in the LD areas are old boom boxes that skip songs and have buttons falling off..
- the LD areas are little bedrooms with beds in them
- people commonly mistake the club for a brothel
i could go on and on but i'll stop there..i cant believe i worked there :-[
live and learn i guess lol
Sophia_Starina
08-01-2011, 12:51 PM
...if there's no ATM or credit card machine at all.
....and when clubs use TOKENS instead of getting an ATM.
:rotfl:
_Elle_
08-01-2011, 01:05 PM
My current dive:
- PVC piping for poles
- No fees or anything, but over 200 like someone said is fantastic
- Our music computer died and we had to dig out an old boombox. Couldn't get a station in, so we had to connect it to one of the dancer's phones
- Platform shoes seems almost nonexistent here
I'm sure there's more that I'm not thinking of, but I do love the place! Nice break from my home gown club. :)
_Avery_
08-01-2011, 01:08 PM
I <3 dives. ;D
xGigi
08-01-2011, 10:01 PM
when you go back for a visit and the new manager assures you that they're going to be "running promotions, advertising, getting rid of all the prostitutes and nasty chicks, renovating things, and pretty soon it'll be one of the best clubs around" and you just laugh your ass off
FiendishGyrator
08-02-2011, 02:34 AM
There's locusts/grasshoppers all over the dressing room, dead AND alive, to the point that you have to watch wear you step and avoid having them jump in your hair because the club sprays for them but they only come back so they stop spraying for them.
Same place where, after the club closes, a huge fight breaks out in the parking lot, tons of people are on their cars just chilling, mayhem is abounding and as I'm trying to get the fuck out of there asap a girl taps on my door and says her friend left her and can I please give her a ride home. Now-- I'm not recommending this to anyone, but I had to make a split second decision to get the fuck out of there so I was just like fine, get in-- but please don't rob me because I didn't make anything. She ended up being very nice and I dropped her off at her hotel and gave her a couple of tamales I bought from the little wandering weekend vendor who came into the club.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Same one-- where the nickname for the resident scary dancer's name is "MethMouth" and is used to scare you-- like, "oh, you better be nice or I'm going to call Methmouth over and have her dance for you!" Serious gray nubs that can no longer be considered teeth.
xGigi
08-02-2011, 07:12 AM
^oh yeah another sign you're working at a dive is when you're CONSTANTLY getting asked for rides if you have a car. the last dive I worked at I'd say 3 out of 10 of the girls had cars.
_Elle_
08-02-2011, 09:38 AM
lol @ gray nubs...
Oh, and 3 of 10 girls?! My resident dive only has three girls to begin with.... haha
Italian_Bombshell849
08-02-2011, 05:24 PM
I laughed so hard I pissed myself....
my dive...I love it but you know...here is what I found horrifying (in my book) because I came from an inner city much more upscale than my current club place that, in truth, was just a mediocre inner city strip club that's two stories and huge.
-when the girls all stare at you because they know you came from a bigger, nicer club and say to your face, "girl, why the fuck are you here? did they fire you for suckin dick?" *blank stare back* "no, I left because they don't like thick chicks. I didn't fit in very well amongst the smaller girls."
-when the girls who stare at you because they know you came from a bigger, nicer club eagerly ask you questions about what it's like and go on and on and on about how they wish they worked in a beautiful, nice club like that.
-when the VIP and CR lighting are cheap, tiny chandeliers that have spider webs spindling off of them
-when the decor is supposed to be classic, venetian French (club is a French name *La Chatte Cabaret said la sha-tay*) decor but there are rips and small holes in the fake paintings, the velvet rope has a gash in it where stuffing is coming through, and the manager talks of how the VIP and CR's are "upscale"
-when the manager sits with customers and eats KFC with them while chewing with his mouth open
-when only one stall has a toilet seat, the handicapped stall has no toilet seat and leaks into the floor drain, and there is "wall art" and "scrawl" all over the stall walls..I call the art and scrawl "Chicken Soup for the Stripper's Soul" because you never know when you need to know that Nikeisha's coochie smells like fish and she licks men's ass for 5 bucks.
-when there are women with horrid teeth smiling in your face, breathing all over you
-when wearing a baby doll and thigh highs is like wearing a nun outfit (true story, happened to me on my first day. Everyone was in bikinis or some super tiny fishnet get up)
-when girls bigger than me (and I am pretty voluptuous) are walking around in bikinis that could disappear in their fat rolls and between their gargantuan ass cheeks.
-when 9 inch heels are the norm and me with my 6 inchers is like wearing flats (I am still trying to get accustomed to this new way of life. lmfao)
-when everyone has tats and when you only have your ears and belly button peirced they look at you and say "so you ain't nevuh been ta jail o' in uh gang huh? you ain't gotta singul battle scar...girl, where the fuck did YOU come from??" (true story. This meth head asked me this)
-when the club pushes drinks more than selling dances and accepts you with open arms if you do extras because it brings in more business...
-when the club has an attorney for the club on call in case Vice raids the club and girls get caught with drugs or doing prostitutional acts (i know...prostitutional..ha!)
-when the girls learn you're Epileptic (this is a rare case for strippers, but it applies to me) and they all get this terrified look on their face and say, "OH MY GOD!" yet when they see someone snorting blow they join right in and do not find this shocking.
-when you walk in to pee and the middle stall - the stall with the toilet seat - has three strippers smooshed into the tiny stall and all you hear are strong sniffing, so you walk back out and pee in the trash can in the dark corner of the DR. (true story...yep, I peed in a trashcan. I HAD TO GO PEOPLE! JEEZ!!)
I am working again on Saturday...I might have some more funny things to write about
Jay12
08-02-2011, 07:46 PM
One of the first clubs I've danced was a dive, but it was fun, and the money was decent. However, the place was extremely trashy.
-The DJ is a jukebox
-The place needs an urgent decoration
-All the chairs and tables are broken
-Flashing on stage is ok
-Masturbating on stage is ok
-Smoking dope in the DR is ok
amorescudero
08-03-2011, 07:38 AM
When they constantly run out of towels to wipe the pole...so a customer politely brings in a box of "mechanic shop" towels for the girls to use. And yes they put that big ol pretty box right on stage for everone to see...
When you constantly have girls walking around asking to borrow your shoes bc they dont have any....
When the bouncers drink more then the customers do...
When you have girls who come into work a day after having an abortion....and they let everyone know this...
kassie
08-03-2011, 08:15 PM
When the owner of the club is the also the Manager/lapdance timer guy.
The jukebox is the DJ
You make $10 for each $20 lapdance (topless)
Best nights are a lil over $150
The manager tells you there are men coming in with money and by the end of the night only 3 cheap fucks walked in.
When you take off manager calls you and tells you alot of men are in spending money and by the time you come in the club is empty and there is only 1 other girl working there. And when you ask the girl what did I miss?, she says NOTHING! and burst out laughing after hearing what the manager told you over the phone.
and most importantly, after your stage set the manager tells you to go back on stage because there are no girls in to take over.
The funny thing is that the owner treated me like I needed him more than he needed me. He tried to fine me for taking a few sips of beer because I was 19. And that was after the night before when he allowed one of the former dancers who was 18 to get wasted along with her friends at the club the night before. Needless to say I told him "I ain't paying you shit! good luck finding dancers who's willing to work at your place and let alone put up with your shit." He said you'll come begging for your job back ain't no club gonna hire you cuz you are young and inexperienced.
Boy was he wrong!
I moved to NYC and started getting use to real money 500 and up. Bastard called me weeks later and I hung up in his face. Who's laughing now punk :p
MysteriousMisty
08-05-2011, 08:48 AM
when drinks are served in styrofoam cups
when they lack open bar
when there's no coffee
when there's the heavy stench of weed in the air for hours
when management, the valet attendant or backdoor guy doesn't lift a finger to help a dancer that's been mugged in the parking lot or attacked by customers right inside the club
no house fee Sun-Thu (lack of business means no money for the girls) yet, the night shift house mom
still demands $10 tips whether you eat her stinking food or not.
when a manager stands that and hounds you for a $2 tip KNOWING you've had a shitty night and made less than $50!
when flashing pussy in a topless club is OK
when the manager and DJ are BFF and the manager allows the DJ to openly disrespect some of the dancers.
when the cushions of the seats are so worn out you can feel the springs
no matter how much mopping, sweeping, and vacuuming is done, the place still looks and smells filthy.
Jay12
02-16-2012, 12:33 PM
Wow, in the state of Virginia, the only clubs that (according to the previous descriptions) are not dives are:
-Paper Moon (the three of them)
-Minx
-RC's
ALL THE OTHER 28 CLUBS FROM THE STATE OF VIRGINIA ARE DIVES!!!!!!
The_Ecdysiast
02-16-2012, 05:17 PM
-When all the furniture has holes in it
-When the stages are the size of a 4x4 kitchen table
-When there is no real cleaning staff
-The entire place looks like it needs Extreme Home Makeovers to do a total overhaul
-No VIP areas or Champagne Rooms
-No bouncers available to walk you to your car when your shift is over
Aslinn
02-16-2012, 07:19 PM
-When girls are dancing in cowboy boots and flats.
-When the lap dance room consist of three couches and black bed sheets.
-When jiggling belly fat is considered dancing.
-When the complete roster of hired dancers numbers at 5.
MyButter
02-16-2012, 08:11 PM
When up until 2008, your club used a tape player to play stage sets...lol
When, because of our tape system, the head bartender aka the 'dj' would yell at every dancer as she got on stage in regards to her tape 'DOOO YUU WANT SIDEUH A OR SIDEUH B?!?!?!??!!"
When the dressing room bathroom's sink's handle is replaced with a wrench when it breaks, and just...left that way for a good year.
KatRocks
02-16-2012, 11:13 PM
Wow, in the state of Virginia, the only clubs that (according to the previous descriptions) are not dives are:
-Paper Moon (the three of them)
-Minx
-RC's
ALL THE OTHER 28 CLUBS FROM THE STATE OF VIRGINIA ARE DIVES!!!!!!
Bwahah. This is so true. I worked at 1320 for abit and alot of this applies. Seriously hate the commonwealth..
KatRocks
02-16-2012, 11:15 PM
you know you are working at a dive if...
the club is in a strip mall between a dollar store and Indian mart.
Jay12
02-17-2012, 07:04 AM
^I had been almost everywhere in Virginia (except for Roanoke), and yes, the majority of clubs in the commonwealth are fucking dives! Plus, the money is not that great either (heck, MD, DC and NC have way better money making potential!).
Jay12
02-17-2012, 07:15 AM
-When all the furniture has holes in it
-When the stages are the size of a 4x4 kitchen table
-When there is no real cleaning staff
-The entire place looks like it needs Extreme Home Makeovers to do a total overhaul
-No VIP areas or Champagne Rooms
-No bouncers available to walk you to your car when your shift is over
Yeah, this really sounds a lot like some DC clubs (except for maybe like three clubs), but mostly like Va clubs.
SuperJa
02-17-2012, 03:09 PM
-When the waitress brings an ab wheel out on the floor so she can work out between serving on dead nights.
-When girls dance barefoot, in uggs, mocassins, church heels, flats, or flip flops.
-When customers ask what vodka we're serving, the bouncer explains that, "You know how when people die on ships they gotta put them in barrels of booze so they don't rot before they get to shore? It's that one."
-When the bouncers put a toonie (two dollar coin) in the urinal and somebody actually picks it up and takes it...
-When you have a velvet Elvis on the wall.
-When you have a discussion with a customer about how you couldn't eat off the floor if you wanted to, because whatever is living in the carpet would finish the food before you could grab it.
-When the decor can be roughly described as "opium den" , "70s basement", or "grandpa's place."
-When the average age of the dancers is frighteningly close to the average age of the patrons.
crystalize
02-18-2012, 12:38 PM
when the dollars are grimey and moist!!!
Luna123
02-19-2012, 10:40 AM
No damn funny money or credit card capabilities, and the ATM is always outta money for some reason >:(
robby
02-19-2012, 01:10 PM
When it's raining and there's so many leaks in the roof you have to be careful not to trip over all the buckets on the floor!
Purrfect
02-20-2012, 02:43 AM
.. When you have to dance on a wooden stage while there is a live shitty wannabe rock band playing on the stage and you can't even reach the pole because the band is taking over the whole stage, so you just kind of hover there for 3 songs
.. When the girls kiss customers openly on the floor
.. When you are told that anything goes, as long as you are not giving them sex
.. When you have to bring your own CD's and the CD player is in another room and you have to press 'Play' and then run to the stage to make it by the beginning of the song
.. When there is a brothel upstairs and prostitutes come downstairs to the strip club and hustle your customers by the stage (seriously, WTF? lol)
.. When the management is amazed by you hustle skills and your ability to rake in 'big cash' (that was when I made about $200 on a Friday night which was pennies compared to my usual $900-$1000 in upscale clubs)
.. When some of your fellow dancers have a moustache
Flickdreams
02-20-2012, 04:37 AM
hahahahahahahaha....
VannaV
02-20-2012, 03:13 PM
When a girl overdoses on Saturday ONSTAGE and she's back at work on Monday
When a mouse dies in the wall in the private dance room and it smells like death but no one does anything about it
When the dressing room is also the bathroom female customers use!
When your coworkers look like they were rounded up in a grey hound bus station and then forced to dance in clothing from other people's suitcases
When the manager cooks food in a crock pot at home and then brings it into the club to sell
When the radio commercials included is the dj and it is played off a boom box that has a good will price sticker on it
tempest666
02-20-2012, 09:09 PM
When a girl overdoses on Saturday ONSTAGE and she's back at work on Monday
When a mouse dies in the wall in the private dance room and it smells like death but no one does anything about it
When the dressing room is also the bathroom female customers use!
When your coworkers look like they were rounded up in a grey hound bus station and then forced to dance in clothing from other people's suitcases
When the manager cooks food in a crock pot at home and then brings it into the club to sell
When the radio commercials included is the dj and it is played off a boom box that has a good will price sticker on it
Sounds like my club!!!!!
When a dancer receives $25 to squirt breast milk into a customers shot and they drink it.
GlitterBexie
02-20-2012, 10:03 PM
My first club there was a bucket right next to the stage to catch the drips where the window leaked. And you got splinters off the window ledge upstairs if you put your hands on it. And the pole in the VIP room had a wooden cube about 4 inches to the bottom of the pole, so you couldnt do any kind of inverts on it incase you dislocated a shoulder blade when you hit the floor. And the pole's werent actually pole's...they were bits of scaffolding and you got metal splinters and cuts and grazes from it. Oh and it wasnt properly attached to the ceiling so it could turn from static to spinning at any given time without warning.
devilkitty
02-21-2012, 10:18 AM
Your living room and club are roughly the same size.
devilkitty
02-21-2012, 10:19 AM
The pole is a piece of pvc piping.
devilkitty
02-21-2012, 10:20 AM
You are not sure all your co workers were born female.
devilkitty
02-21-2012, 10:21 AM
How best to cover your track marks are a valid beauty question brought up in the dressing room and almost all the dancers have their method to share with the new junkie.
Jay12
02-21-2012, 07:36 PM
The pole is a piece of pvc piping.
OH, this one totally made me lol all over the apartment; I almost woke up my husband!