View Full Version : You know your working in a dive if.......
bklynbombshell
02-23-2012, 05:11 PM
When the VIP room is separated by a cheap string of beads.
sexyscarlet
02-25-2012, 11:25 PM
... When there's no heat in the dressing room so you have to bring a sleeping bag and snuggies to stay warm in the winter.
... When the manager doesn't charge you house fee some nights because it is so slow none of the girls made tipout.
... When the cleaning guy goes up onto the stage while you're dancing to clean the mirrors.
... When girls take naps in the lap dance booths when it's slow.
... When there's a huge dent in the middle of the barely-spinning pole and it's a running joke among regulars.
... When the manager decorates the VIP rooms with Scarface paraphernalia
tempest666
03-04-2012, 07:02 AM
The pole breaks because one of the morbidly obese dancers strains it to the breaking point. Then the bouncer runs next door (to his apt) where he grabs his tools and then proceeds to repair said pole.
When you get stuck in the loo because there is no TP and you post it on Facebook as your status. Someone happens to check their news feed and rescues you. (don't ask) -_-
firemaiden04
03-04-2012, 08:58 AM
^ Lol, is there anything facebook can't do?
SouthernButterfly
03-04-2012, 10:59 AM
My first club was a dive. :P
The owner is a fabulous cook and always feeds the girls at the end of the night out of a crock pot of something delicious.
The bathroom is so small it's one rooms with a toilet and sink , and when you walk in there are at least two girls smoking weed.
There is a Mrs Pac Man machine and you're damn good on it because of the slow nights.
Dance rooms are little one chair rooms that you're constantly hitting your head/elbow/knees on the walls.
You've watched girls do a line of coke off the toilet seat.
Your constantly being pegged by the owner to do the dances for the "VIP clients" because you're the pretty, skinny, classy one in a club full of fat chicks and crackwhores.
The owner and other girls are SHOCKED when they find out you've never been arrested, in trouble, or are not into drugs.
Naida
03-05-2012, 07:37 AM
You know it's a dive if when a customer brings in his dogs, and the bartender pours the dogs drinks, too. BTW, the girls love puppies. :)
When a dancer comes in 3 days after having a baby to show off the child to everyone there.
When a dancer's father brings in her work bag, and she asks him if he remembered her new boots that he had bought for her.:O
When country music is the most popular music genre.
When drinks consist of wine in a box or cans of beer.
When the best selling dance in the place involves putting your buddy on stage for public humiliation and a serious beating by the girls.
When a local lottery winner brings in dom perignon and serves it in paper dixie cups. (Not kidding. That was my first taste of Dom...)
When a customer offers to take the dancers out to a really fancy restaurant...called Red Lobster.
These describe my first club to a T! lol, And I was the dancer who called a parental figure to bring me my bag/shoes! Although, the only reason he "bought them for me" is because I paid him cash to order them on his credit card. My immediate (and therefor important) family members are split into two groups- the ones who look the other way as long as I'm not doing anything illegal, and the ones who are proud of me for dancing. All my siblings now think it's cool, and my mom even wanted me to move to Houston with her last time she lived there SPECIFICALLY because I'm a dancer and could help her with bills.
Jay12
03-05-2012, 06:13 PM
If you see a girl pumping milk from her breast...without a pump!
GlitterBexie
03-05-2012, 07:34 PM
the resident crack head is pregnant and hiding in the dressing room because her ex/abusive/baby daddy has come to the club asking if she's there because she left him and didnt she mention she was moving out and he's trying to hunt her down.
cairalis
03-24-2012, 10:55 AM
...when the housemom/manager/security/bartender/waitress is the same lady (obviously an ex-dancer at the club)
...when dancers need to help waitressing when the club is busy
...when costumers need to ring a doorbell to get in to the club, the door is always locked
...when the locked door has one of these little windows you can open and look out to see who is ringing the doorbell...
...when mother and daughter work together at the club as "sisters"
...when you have to put on a CD with music yourself when doing a private dance upstairs
NegraHermosa
03-24-2012, 03:30 PM
when the dance "booths" are really old restaurant booths that badly need re-upholstering...
when those same "booths" need to be held down when your customer tries to scoot forward so that he doesn't fall inside!
when everybody uses the tanning bed in the dressing room as a bed because the bulbs don't work any longer. with a pillow and sleeping bag and everything. and its kind of like a casket because the hinge is broken..
the corkboard for announcements has cards advertising rooms 4 rent.
only beer they serve is PBR
girls smoke weed freely in the bathroom.
the dj is that dancer's baby daddy
the stage is that icky blue linoleum tile stuff
Chiose
03-24-2012, 08:44 PM
When an acceptable way to get rid of drinks is pouring them on the carpeted floor when your custy isn't watching.
sexyscarlet
03-25-2012, 03:02 PM
Oh, another gem I just had happen to me...
when you trip and rip the straps out of your BRAND NEW shoes because the floor is so uneven that you accidentally stepped into a 2 inch hole in the floor. >:(
crystalize
03-26-2012, 11:50 PM
When you go on stage and there's cigarette buds on it.. Just happened to me 10 min ago.. And of course when you're on stripperweb cause there are no customers in the club
meme heartkissheart
03-27-2012, 01:59 AM
the firdt place i worked was a dive no doubt somewhat embarssing when you have to pick your songs on the jukebox and run up on stage was quick as you can but i miss the atmosphere it was lkinda like cheers
crystalize
03-29-2012, 12:38 PM
you can't google it
ShayBaby
03-31-2012, 03:58 AM
you know you work in a dive when...
the girls are more worried about drama with each other than making money...
there's one girl who always thinks every other girl is stealing her style....and then the DJ of all people tells you that she's mad because you like to dance to Type O Negative too and that he wants to see a 'girl fight'...
there are only 20 dollar dances and they are upstairs behind curtains...
the dressing room has a curtain that leads from the main floor and custies are more interested in peeping through the curtain holes than looking at the stage...
the dressing room smells like pussy and ass...
the DJ gives you dancing tips and thinks that the butt-cheek flexing jiggle is done by 'hitting your butt cheeks with the back of your stiletto'...
the DJ likes to go on the stage and climb the pole in his sneakers..
JessicaCM
04-01-2012, 12:02 PM
-The furniture is all scratched up and torn up like cats and other animals were turned loose in the club.
-There is mold all over the building.
-There are water leaks in the ceiling.
-There is no DJ.
-The "cleaning staff" NEVER cleans.
-Customers never stay long or spend much $.
ShayBaby
04-02-2012, 01:37 PM
lol, worst place I worked in did have a DJ at least so guess I can't compare
CherryRain
04-02-2012, 10:14 PM
lol
lol, worst place I worked in did have a DJ at least so guess I can't comparehttp://www.blakkangyl.com/cherryrain13.GIF
Miss Chevious
04-04-2012, 09:44 PM
You have a free buffet full of tater tots and hot dogs
The bar replaces their high end liquor bottles with the bottom shelf brands to save money
Th people who say "it's nice here" are inebriated beyond the point of safety
The owner has slept with all the dancers there
The only regulars who come in are dating the dancers OTC or their johns
You have to perform managerial work because the turnover rate is so high for god-knows-why
Jay12
04-05-2012, 01:20 PM
You have a free buffet full of tater tots and hot dogs
That sounds tasty!
shasta
04-06-2012, 03:18 PM
So last night we had a contest... called "THE MEATGRINDER." The manager counted ("One, two, etc") on the mic, from the DJ booth how many times the dancer contestant grinded on a guy in a minute. There were like 5 contestants. I wish I could block memories!
miamia4me
04-06-2012, 08:29 PM
The club is empty on a Friday night. Oh wait one guy here and I've done two sets for a whole 8 dollars. Yay.
Jay12
04-07-2012, 04:26 PM
The club is empty on a Friday night. Oh wait one guy here and I've done two sets for a whole 8 dollars. Yay.
Yeah, that is a bona fide dive!
SuperJa
04-08-2012, 11:00 AM
"You can do a fire show here without a permit. The whole building is made of asbestos."
pinknarcotic
04-10-2012, 11:20 PM
hahaha phoenix, arizona.
aussiebelle
04-11-2012, 03:22 AM
Every chair in the club is broken or taped up.
sweetheart18
04-11-2012, 03:28 PM
lol asbestos so true. I saw a housemom with NO TEETH because she had worked a club for 10+ years in a place with mold..ick. left after 2 days.
the girls take phone calls on stage while dancing.
manager is dating one of the dancers, not uncommon for added dancers joining..eww
a butt slap = "good job!"
the dj is also the dealer and go to guy for underage shots.
the side room in dressing room is really for whomever is most fucked up that night.
not safe to stick your hand/knee/anything into vip couch cushion crack
your club has a "party bus" thats old ass van . the seats fly off if you go to fast, can see the road through parts, again with questionable cushion cracks...
5 hour old microwaved tweeters chickens wings buffet
saw a girls mom organizing her daughters stripper locker for her like no big deal
everyone smokes weed in their car on the side of the building
there is a handicapped stripper- like no is sure specifically what, autistic maybe? who drunk rages out and punches walls.
SuperJa
04-11-2012, 07:06 PM
There was a fire in the basement 30 years ago and it's never been repaired- it is now used exclusively for smoking when it's cold outside. And smoking pot.
The club doesn't serve alcohol but somehow the staff is always fucked up.
The manager is dating a dancer, and so are most of his friends, who come to hang out at the club to drink for free all night, and often outnumber paying customers.
The only time the carpet gets cleaned is if somebody throws up all over. Cue conversations after a few months "k who's gonna get trashed drunk so they clean the carpet?"
A single new piece of furniture is a big effin' deal.
The heat/cooling system pretty much doesn't work, so the club has only two seasons- freezing cold or way too hot.
MysteriousMisty
04-13-2012, 12:27 PM
You know you're working in a dive if the poles smell awful
They're still using brass poles instead of chrome or stainless steel
They don't put new carpet down after a flood until the health department has been called.
ShayBaby
04-13-2012, 03:45 PM
lol asbestos so true. I saw a housemom with NO TEETH because she had worked a club for 10+ years in a place with mold..ick. left after 2 days.
the girls take phone calls on stage while dancing.
manager is dating one of the dancers, not uncommon for added dancers joining..eww
a butt slap = "good job!"
the dj is also the dealer and go to guy for underage shots.
the side room in dressing room is really for whomever is most fucked up that night.
not safe to stick your hand/knee/anything into vip couch cushion crack
your club has a "party bus" thats old ass van . the seats fly off if you go to fast, can see the road through parts, again with questionable cushion cracks...
5 hour old microwaved tweeters chickens wings buffet
saw a girls mom organizing her daughters stripper locker for her like no big deal
everyone smokes weed in their car on the side of the building
there is a handicapped stripper- like no is sure specifically what, autistic maybe? who drunk rages out and punches walls.
Sounds like a place out a post apocalyptic 'mad max' movie or something. All u need are guys tipping with ammo or food instead of dollars
ScarlettJanuary
05-01-2012, 05:22 PM
You know you are working in a dive if...there is a meat draw on Monday night....er, actually 4 meat draws on Monday night. Lol! Wtf?
nessagolightly
05-02-2012, 07:45 AM
You know you're working in a dive if one of the girls is chillin in the dressing room, pumping her breast milk. Two extra dive points for not even thinking it was strange until the drive home.
Jay12
05-02-2012, 02:14 PM
You know you're working in a dive if the poles smell awful
They're still using brass poles instead of chrome or stainless steel
They don't put new carpet down after a flood until the health department has been called.
Even nicer clubs have brass poles. Brass is the best metal for poles.
SuperJa
05-02-2012, 03:13 PM
You know you are working in a dive if...there is a meat draw on Monday night....er, actually 4 meat draws on Monday night. Lol! Wtf?
This actually sounds legitimately awesome.
tempest666
05-02-2012, 09:31 PM
You nap in the couch dance room between sets. (or surf SW laying in the couch dance room)
miamia4me
05-02-2012, 10:22 PM
I do this too tempest!
Amareth
05-02-2012, 11:23 PM
This thread is gold! I've worked in a lot of dives so here it goes:
- The "DJ" is whoever is working behind the bar
- ^ because of this you hear the same 6 songs on a CD on repeat for two hours
- There are long, awkward silences between some songs
- All the power in the dressing room goes out so you spend a week doing make-up with dodgy lamp lighting
- Half the staff and girls stay and get trashed after work (one of the perks!)
- The manager starts reeling off a list of all the dancers one of the doormen has slept with
- Doormen have to sign a contract saying they won't sleep with any of the girls without the managers prior permission (yep. Really.)
- You continually trip because the floor is uneven
- During the day whenever the barmaid wants a smoke break a dancer has to get behind the bar to serve drinks
- There's no cover fee to get in... ever!
- The drinks are cheaper than most of the other the bars in town
- You have customers say "I thought this place had closed down" or "I can't believe this place is still open"
- You see girls pissing in the sink or garbage can
- Girls wear hoodies and jackets because there's no heating or management is too cheap to turn it on
- There's only 5 guys in the bar, you know them all by name and know they never get dances
- You have another girl put zombie make up on you before you go on stage just for a laugh (possibly the highlight of my career, sold a dance with the line "I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING BRAINS!") :)
- There's dog shit on the floor in the lap room from the owner's dog
This is all I can think of for now :)
ScarlettJanuary
05-03-2012, 12:33 AM
This actually sounds legitimately awesome.
The best part is that there is a sign in the dressing room explaining the meat draw thing cuz they just started it and it very seriously states "although we are now featuring 'fresh meat mondays' it does not mean that we think of YOU as a 'piece of meat'. It is simply a funny play on words based on an old strip club saying: 'it's fresh meat monday'."
LOL!
This shit is so good you can't even make it up.
cherryblossomsinspring
05-03-2012, 02:19 AM
-You see bloody tampons and used condoms every week in the lap dance room and sometimes it'll take weeks for someone to clean it up.
Eww seriously?
Dana009
05-03-2012, 01:06 PM
Hahaha. Toooo real. Tape on and couch springs sticking out in the Couch Dance/ Private Dance area couches/chairs, and I think only in Ohio. Good times.
SuperJa
05-06-2012, 01:57 PM
You nap in the couch dance room between sets. (or surf SW laying in the couch dance room)
Most definitely!
Our club tends to pick up the most random furniture at garage sales/discount outlets, etc, so one of the couches is actually a hideabed. Definitely napped there a few times.
sukilions
05-16-2012, 04:56 PM
You know your working at a dive if...
You walk into the dressing room to find a dancer holding a dunkin donuts bagel, sans wrapper, under her armpit to "melt the butter."
When your shoe crunches a syringe in the bathroom and you have to step over drops of period blood and crumpled up used toilet tissue.
When all the fire alarms are wrapped in packing tape.
When you find a girl with a vibrator in her pussy sitting on the counter in the DR.
When, on Halloween, the cracked out blonde stripper shows up in a homemade witch costume with GREEN face paint.
When you simply have to drag your finger on ANY surface in the dressing room and always have it coated with Sally Hansen Airbrushed Legs or whateverthatsickshitis No Offense but I'm destined for lung cancer because of this stuff.
When EVERYTHING in the club seems to have a mysterious "organic stain" or residue on it.
nessagolightly
05-17-2012, 08:24 PM
When after a 3 month absence you come back and notice Diamond chopped all her silky hair off and when you ask why she simply says "I couldn't wear it up when I was in jail, so I just had them cut it off."
Oh. Of course.
ShayBaby
05-17-2012, 10:07 PM
....
When you find a girl with a vibrator in her pussy sitting on the counter in the DR.
....
would love to hear the story behind that, lol!
tempest666
05-18-2012, 12:44 AM
When you can do your set, shake your ass and scream at your boyfriend on your cell phone onstage and nobody is paying attention.
sukilions
05-18-2012, 04:38 AM
NO Idea about the vibrator. She just took it out, totally unashamed and was all like "i couldn't fahkin' wait! I'm wicked horney!!!!" She then just waltzed away, legit spinning the damn thing above her head like a lasso or some shit from the cord. She was also wearing a cowboy hat so maybe that inspired her.
Sometimes I'm proud I'm from Boston.
Oh yeah, you also know you're in a dive when the ABUNDANCE of neon green/yellow and pink fishnet outfits are all faded and grey.
DancingDaisy
05-18-2012, 04:18 PM
Christmas lights instead of professional lighting. Yes, there were "icicle" lights on side stages and the stringed red and green lights. Oh, and for the mainstage, a black light bar. No one has ever even thought to dust them or change bulbs that have gone out.
Flickdreams
05-22-2012, 02:31 AM
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
bklynbombshell
06-19-2012, 09:55 AM
When dancers walk around in hoodies because management refuses to turn off the ac.
Or, when dancers start a soul train line because that monday night is so dead.