View Full Version : You know your working in a dive if.......
SuperJa
06-19-2012, 06:06 PM
When dancers walk around in hoodies because management refuses to turn off the ac.
Or, when dancers start a soul train line because that monday night is so dead.
A dive with ac? You're making me jealous... we have two temperatures. Too cold (winter) and too hot (summer/crowded).
Heated by space heaters in the winter, except when they put a giant propane flame cannon thing on stage (totes safe?).
In the summer you just sweat a lot, and try to hang out where you get the draft from the door.
charlie61
06-20-2012, 05:07 PM
When the 'good seat' in the dressing room is defined by the seat that doesn't have a dripping pipe hanging over it.
When there is a donation box of old dancer gear in the corner where girls throw shit they've worn out so other girls can wear it. And girls actually do pick stuff out of that box to wear on stage.
bklynbombshell
06-21-2012, 05:07 PM
A dive with ac? You're making me jealous... we have two temperatures. Too cold (winter) and too hot (summer/crowded).
Heated by space heaters in the winter, except when they put a giant propane flame cannon thing on stage (totes safe?).
In the summer you just sweat a lot, and try to hang out where you get the draft from the door.
Lmao, funniest shit I've read all day. Gotta love dives.
aussiebelle
06-24-2012, 06:45 AM
When every chair in the club is broken and the chairs in the lapdance room are held together with tape.
shasta
07-03-2012, 02:50 AM
When the DJ, who is never in the booth, has a playlist going. It cuts off and he yells, "Somebody sing!" The girl on the stage actually starts singing.
When the DJ, on the mic, from the booth is having a full on conversation with the dancer on stage loud enough for everyone to hear. Asking about her family and whatnot...
When one of the dancers is the Monday night DJ.
When homeless guys sneak in a back door and bring their own cans of coke.
When girls read books on stage.
When you can hula hoop on stage and no one cares.
When a manager brings in a bday cake for you and you share it with the customers.
I have been traveling a bit this summer.... much more to come!!!
shasta
07-03-2012, 02:51 AM
When the DJ, who is never in the booth, has a playlist going. It cuts off and he yells, "Somebody sing!" The girl on the stage actually starts singing.
When the DJ, on the mic, from the booth is having a full on conversation with the dancer on stage loud enough for everyone to hear. Asking about her family and whatnot...
When one of the dancers is the Monday night DJ.
When homeless guys sneak in a back door and bring their own cans of coke.
When girls read books on stage.
When you can hula hoop on stage and no one cares.
When a manager brings in a bday cake for you and you share it with the customers.
I have been traveling a bit this summer.... much more to come!!!
HandSanitizer
07-04-2012, 12:47 PM
When the girls do drugs in the restroom stall.
When a lap dance booth is used as a storage room.
When all the girls do on stage is booty shake.
When the VIP room is a bench
charlie61
07-04-2012, 06:18 PM
When it's 11:00, there are zero customers in the club, and the girls reassure you "don't worry...guys usually only come in after midnight."
SuperJa
07-05-2012, 02:48 PM
IME girls only do drugs in the restroom stall at upscale clubs. At dives, they just do them wherever they want.
This is completely true. We actually had a staff meeting where the manager said, "Look, I don't care if you girls are snorting K in the back, but please clean up your table when you're done."
HandSanitizer
07-07-2012, 05:21 AM
When an entire family works at the club - the manager, dj, bouncers, & bartender lol
shasta
07-07-2012, 06:27 AM
And don't forget mother/daughter dancers!
Also, the waitress did a bunch of sets with her Puma sneakers.
MissE
07-10-2012, 08:21 PM
Everyone performs tasks vastly outside of their job description. Today I arrived to see one of the managers acting as bouncer, the bouncer was out picking up food, the manager on duty was vacuuming, and I picked up glasses and adjusted chairs on my way in, as well as helped two girls with their ESL homework. A variation of this occurs daily.
When walking from the bus stop to the club, or from the club to a convenience store, about 10 cars pull over asking if you are "working." your choices are to either explain you are not a streetwalker/prostitute, or ignore the catcalls & yelling from the driver seat. Sigh.
Whether you do the most impressive stage show of all time or lay on the ground in a thong, you'll probably make about the same amount.
The lap dance area is either so cold a polar bear couldn't get a boner, or hot as the Mojave dessert. Actually every part of the club falls into one of these categories.
A few customers a day tell you they are on unemployment/disability (these same guys claim to want to be "sugar (coughsplenda!) daddies & spoil you with "trips" to the movies & Applebees).
Ugh. I love the management, the majority of girls are really sweet and fun,and some of the day/random custies are awesome. If it weren't for that I would run!
stripperbabychu
07-15-2012, 06:19 PM
my bad
MyButter
07-15-2012, 06:56 PM
When a majority of the employees all live together, lol.
When whilst doing some spring cleaning in the dr, boxes of stripper gear from the late 80s are discovered, hah!
Flickdreams
07-16-2012, 08:31 AM
^^^ discovered and reworn!
MyButter
07-16-2012, 08:36 AM
Lol. Dives are full of so much adventure!
PaleoClipper
08-06-2012, 01:58 AM
BTW, the girls love puppies. :)
When the customers arrive via snowmobile, and so do the dancers.
When the dancers are regularly tipped in game meat or freshly caught fish.
When a customer offers to take the dancers out to a really fancy restaurant...called Red Lobster.
Someone had a real ugly chiwawah at the club I want to work at....sweet, but ugly.
I would think snow would be way to cold to work in!
Wouldn't mind fresh fish...or meat...
and Facepalm at that last line.
SuperJa
08-06-2012, 07:54 AM
I would think snow would be way to cold to work in!
Wouldn't mind fresh fish...or meat...
Winter is great when your club has crappy heat cause you just wander around complaining about how cold you are, and that's the entire hustle. "It's minus forty! Come help me warm my boobs up!"
And yeah, I would totally go for barter system dancers. You bring me game meat, I'd be thrilled. Besides, when the economy tanks we're going to be doing that anyways, so may as well practice it now lol.
PaleoClipper
08-06-2012, 10:25 AM
Winter is great when your club has crappy heat cause you just wander around complaining about how cold you are, and that's the entire hustle. "It's minus forty! Come help me warm my boobs up!"
And yeah, I would totally go for barter system dancers. You bring me game meat, I'd be thrilled. Besides, when the economy tanks we're going to be doing that anyways, so may as well practice it now lol.
I'm laughing so hard right now! It's normally way to hot in there. But I haven't been during the winter. But that sounds like a great way to get money out of them!
I'm in Tennessee, so it would be deer most of the time. But hey, I like deer! Would really like it if someone gave me the antlers too.
Liana
08-06-2012, 03:16 PM
You know you're working in a dive:
1. It's very small & shares the same building with another business.
2. The dressing room is very small & hard to move around in.
3. You have to give large amounts of money, that you just earned, to the DJ, bouncers, bartenders, & manager.
4. Most of the dancers have "bikers" for husbands (no offense to anyone, please).
5. The outfits are mostly just cheap bikinis.
6. There's only about 8 tables in the whole place & the bar area only seats 12 folks.
mischa_5
08-09-2012, 03:04 PM
When the VIP area is a hallway to an emergency exit with an old office
Chair and fluorescent lighting
When the club employs or has employed a middle aged dancer
With one arm, and missing teeth.
tempest666
08-12-2012, 05:21 PM
When the couch dance room floods because the GM lives upstairs and is showering. Dancers grab mops, squeeges, anything else absorbent and proceed to clean
JcMarch
08-18-2012, 12:33 PM
On a tuesday night theres usually more pimps, boyfriends of dancers and/or staff than all the actual customers.
Dana009
09-06-2012, 11:09 AM
When there's Jerry Spring show leaflets around the club and some girls are contemplating in the DR whether it would boost their careers. Meh? lol
SuperJa
09-06-2012, 02:13 PM
When your club can't renovate because the building would fail the fire marshal's inspection and have to be gutted.
When the club owner wears a $3000 fur coat but shows up during the day to take the bottles for deposit.
When the last inspection note on the furnace is from 1962.
When you have to use a tension mounted pole because they won't drill into the asbestos ceiling tiles to install a permanent one.
SuperJa
11-11-2012, 04:09 PM
This pretty much is the epitome of dive for me, happened this week:
Wednesday during the day- furnace breaks. It's around -20 outside, this is a club in Canada. Thursday somebody comes to fix it, part won't be available till Tuesday.
Since the electrical is so old in the building, trying to use space heaters causes every breaker in the building to blow about every two minutes. Cold is suffered through Thursday night, Friday the club is closed due to it being so cold, but a bunch of girls inform the boss that they need to work and will deal with it.
Saturday during the day, someone gets the brilliant idea to bring an open flame propane heater and burn through two tanks to bring the club up to a temperature where it isn't hazardous for human life. It is then relocated to the basement and left on, hopefully hot air rises. Also a diesel generator is brought for the basement so we can run some heaters off of that.
Club is still freezing, by the end of the night, a few girls (me being the worst one) end up with carbon monoxide poisoning. My night was pretty much: Do stage show, puke twice, do two lap dances, puke three more times, do another stage show, some more dances, puke again, and night finally ended.
This is pretty much an annual thing...
tempest666
11-12-2012, 03:46 AM
When you bring your pet gator to work and everybody takes turns feeding it scraps of various takeout foods.
Misskatia
11-12-2012, 02:28 PM
When that creepy janitor guy who nobody likes to dance for comes and takes a tip the girl made on stage once she puts it down to do some pole tricks... And goes straight to the bar to buy another beer-
When the drunk dancer in the private dance stall next to you is sitting on her customer's lap waiting for the next song to begin her dance. She starts the first song without a hitch. All is quiet and fine, then suddenly...
DDD: do you think my nipples are too small?
Customer: what?... No/:O
DDD: omg you think my nipples are deformed!
Customer: no no they're fine( starting to pannick )
DDD: I can't believe you! You're so mean!!!(starts to cry,collapses into his lap)
Customer: should we stop, or...(awkwardly waits for his next move)
DDD: you know what? Fuck you!(proceeds to leave with her clothes in hand, but leaves before she has a chance to collect the $20 from his hands for the dance.
When you fly to Western Canada for a 2 week booking and as you settle in to the room reserved for you above the club, you are advised that the pipes burst a few weeks back and the toilet cannot be used. When I ask where I can pee, the manager tells me, "no problem, I'll unlock the club so you can use the one down there. But if you need to go again... The club is unlocked at 4pm
... It's a slow night and the bar staff get bored, so they dress up in garbage bags and get too hammered to tend to the customers that are in the club. I book a VIp and part way through, one of the bartenders( all guys btw ) stumbles in to grab his pants
When the rooms for the traveling dancers have ashtrays with burns from smoking crack in them.
When there is no private dance area and the walls in the tiny club are adorned with animal heads and photographs and there is no remote for the CD player so when you do you stage, your songs have to be in order to play right
Seatortuga
11-12-2012, 08:34 PM
-When the pole is not connected to the ceiling
- When the manager, upon hiring you , looks you dead in the eye and asks "Can you handle... (insert a less than holy activity that occurs at the club regularly)
- The club is famous for the dancer who picked up that fifth of whiskey with her va-jay.
- Advertising is in the form of a giant banner outside that said "Back by popular demand - MAMA!" (Saw this in St. Louis, couldn't bring myself to find out who mama was)
- Not only do Mom and daughter get up on stage together, Grandma joins in
That's all I have for now, but I'm sure that I can stir a few more gems out of my memory!
Tsepmet1
11-12-2012, 09:10 PM
The smoke is so thick that it takes 3 washes to get it out of your hair.
The bathroom has no door/ stall door.
The toilets don't have lids on the back because of drug use.
There is duct tape holding the carpet together.
The club is a trailer in the middle of a cornfield (shoutout to the girl from Outhouse, I worked for one day at the club on the other side of Lawrence, KS)
The pole is cracked
Seatortuga
11-12-2012, 10:32 PM
I just remembered another classy moment:
-when the stage show is stopped by the hip hop concert that just overtook the stage (Kansas)
tempest666
11-13-2012, 02:33 AM
When your pet gator has more teeth than the dancers and customers (collectively)
Reminds me of a conversation with a friend visiting from Albuquerque.
Me: "Come work with me at Buck Rubs! (Reading PA) We will totally bank there! We'll be the hottest ones there!
Friend: "Do the dancers have teeth?"
Me: (hesitating) "Individually or collectively?
Friend: "You just told me everything I need to know. I'll pass"
FiendishGyrator
11-13-2012, 02:44 AM
This pretty much is the epitome of dive for me, happened this week:
Wednesday during the day- furnace breaks. It's around -20 outside, this is a club in Canada. Thursday somebody comes to fix it, part won't be available till Tuesday.
Since the electrical is so old in the building, trying to use space heaters causes every breaker in the building to blow about every two minutes. Cold is suffered through Thursday night, Friday the club is closed due to it being so cold, but a bunch of girls inform the boss that they need to work and will deal with it.
Saturday during the day, someone gets the brilliant idea to bring an open flame propane heater and burn through two tanks to bring the club up to a temperature where it isn't hazardous for human life. It is then relocated to the basement and left on, hopefully hot air rises. Also a diesel generator is brought for the basement so we can run some heaters off of that.
Club is still freezing, by the end of the night, a few girls (me being the worst one) end up with carbon monoxide poisoning. My night was pretty much: Do stage show, puke twice, do two lap dances, puke three more times, do another stage show, some more dances, puke again, and night finally ended.
This is pretty much an annual thing...
Sounds like you all need to get battery operated socks and wear big long winter coats over
bikinis with those huge furry deer stalker caps that also keep your ears warm.
SuperJa
11-22-2012, 04:46 PM
Here's been our heat for the last week. The part that broke was impossible to find because the building was constructed in the 20s, and the heating and whatnot is all original...Furnace FINALLY got fixed Tuesday night, but it's so old that it's going to take till the weekend for the building to finally be warm.
So those pipes are from an outdoor furnace that we rented, running through the middle of the dressing room into the club. And the second shot is an OPEN FLAME propane heater warming up the dressing room... safety first, bitches.
3225932260
Seatortuga
11-23-2012, 09:52 AM
- One Day, the new must-have is a wine the bouncer is selling out of the back door, and o, the name of this wine? "Butt-Fuckin wine", cause that's exactly what you'll be doing if you drink enough
Jay12
11-24-2012, 07:06 PM
When an entire family works at the club - the manager, dj, bouncers, & bartender lol
Worked in a club like that in Newport News, Virginia; the owners were an interracial couple (Italian man, Korean woman), and their two sons worked in the club (one in the kitchen and the other was a bouncer).
zivlet
12-23-2012, 05:59 PM
There's no draft beers
Wine arrives in boxes from the cash and carry labelled 'Red Wine' 'Pink Wine' etc
There's a piece of cardboard covering a window that's smashed, in the VIP room.
None of the customers can string a sentence together.
The customers call you, and/or the club 'A Lappy'.
iAries
12-23-2012, 06:45 PM
When you have only ONE working toilet that usually doesn't have toilet paper
The 3 pole stage's main, and tallest pole, is tilted =/ so there ARE no tricks and the two shorter poles are pretty useless.
The sink in the bathroom is crack in half. Like you literally look down in the sink and see through to the pipes on one half.
They make you pay house fees up FRONT rather than at the end of the night because they already know there is a good chance you won't make any money because it's slow.
The "DJ" is really just a laptop that is put on "play" so you get what you get whenever you get on stage.
Sqrlbby
04-09-2013, 08:57 AM
When it's raining out you have buckets every 10 feet around the club. When girls get off the stage for 1$ and give customers lap dances at the stage!!!
GingerLin
06-26-2013, 09:41 AM
If the name of the strip club is "The Outhouse". (I actually worked at a place that had this name.)
When the bathroom has a sink that when you turn it on, it sprays you in the face with water.
When you get old duct tape glue on your legs while giving lapdances because the couches you give them on are so busted up that duct tape is pretty much the only thing holding the stuffing in.
When all of your customers wear coveralls and order PBR (which the bar serves for $1.25 a can).
When the place is BYOB.
When you work with girls that have bullet hole scars and knife wounds.
When half of the employees are pregnant AND STILL DANCING.
When most of the girls are related to each other (i.e. cousins, sisters, ect).
When you have to drive down a gravel road for 15 miles to get to the club and the parking lot is a cornfield.
I could go on. I love working dives, although I am over the shit money nowadays.
Sweetheart, you are soooooooooooo funny. I was drinking my beverage and got myself into a big mess when reading your post, LOL. need to clean up my S#@t
Summerlove91
06-28-2013, 09:39 AM
When there is no real VIP section
If there is nothing but a big room and 3 stages
If the place is old and dirty
If they hire anyone who is anyone
If you consider $300 the jackpot!!!
If there are nothing but regulars
If men only come in to drink a beer and watch a show
$5 dances are average
If a man offers $100 to go home with you
GingerLin
06-28-2013, 09:47 AM
When there is no real VIP section
If there is nothing but a big room and 3 stages
If the place is old and dirty
If they hire anyone who is anyone
If you consider $300 the jackpot!!!
If there are nothing but regulars
If men only come in to drink a beer and watch a show
$5 dances are average
If a man offers $100 to go home with you
I heard an offer of half a homemade burger (from a friend who was born in UK). Burger! Half a burger! and Homemade! LOL. The girls was a 9-10s girl btw
tuesdaymarie
06-30-2013, 07:43 PM
The girl on main stage is visibly pregnant, the girl on second is sitting on the stage pulling up her hair (then taking it down and redoing it while complaining she never has time to wash it), and the waitress keeps booming threats to beat so-and-so's ass for reasons unknown...
tempest666
07-04-2013, 01:15 AM
When you are shocked the new girl is under 300 llbs and has teeth.
charlie61
01-18-2014, 06:25 PM
A girl gets on stage with a knee brace, spends her entire set limping from customer to customer, and no one bats an eye.
allieoop
01-20-2014, 01:28 PM
Not only is there a claw game, but also a vending machine.
The stage is separated from the pit by glass and so customers shove rolled up ones into little holes in the bottom.
The customers complain about $10 for a dance.
The pool tables see more action than the "VIP" section.
audrey.mtl
01-20-2014, 02:02 PM
... When not only is the pole made from clear plastic, it is cracked near the top because "Big Baby betty" finally learned how to climb up the damn thing. (no lie. I laughed my ass off when she cracked it, looked up at the crack, and then carefully made her way down off of it.)
... When I'm the hottest ticket because the 4 other girls working are a woman in her 50's, a girl with a shaved head and missing teeth in a school girl outfit, a 200lb newbie, and a girl who's just sitting at the bar getting drunk instead of working.
... When you overhear the shaved head girl offering a couple a dance for $5 a song. It's supposed to be $15 per person per song, so.
... When the seats in the booth are so low that you want to take off your shoes to give a proper lapdance, but you won't because your feet stuck to the floor the one time you did.
Oh God, I don't miss my first club.
pizzedoff
01-20-2014, 02:56 PM
when you look around and realize you are the only one that has teeth
TheWeirdOne
01-20-2014, 03:09 PM
When the girls openly talk about which customers they aren't effing anymore because he reduced the amount of money he used to tip.
Girls don't own stripper shoes and work wearing boots, wedges and payless looking heels.
It's Friday night and the top stripper says,"I'm only hoping to make enough for my husbands gas money to go to work."
Girls eat customers leftovers
It seems that NONE of those women heard of a toothbrush.
They are impressed by your fancy "red cherry" eyelashes
No one has ever seen Sally hansen leg makeup
Girls don't know this is a dive
Top stripper yells loud enough for me to hear,"im going to talk to the owner about these new girls only here to make money. We don't like that they're just here to sell dances. It's got to stop."
TheWeirdOne
01-20-2014, 03:11 PM
... When not only is the pole made from clear plastic, it is cracked near the top because "Big Baby betty" finally learned how to climb up the damn thing. (no lie. I laughed my ass off when she cracked it, looked up at the crack, and then carefully made her way down off of it.)
... When I'm the hottest ticket because the 4 other girls working are a woman in her 50's, a girl with a shaved head and missing teeth in a school girl outfit, a 200lb newbie, and a girl who's just sitting at the bar getting drunk instead of working.
... When you overhear the shaved head girl offering a couple a dance for $5 a song. It's supposed to be $15 per person per song, so.
... When the seats in the booth are so low that you want to take off your shoes to give a proper lapdance, but you won't because your feet stuck to the floor the one time you did.
Oh God, I don't miss my first club.
I would be so scared of a plastic pole!!!