View Full Version : But you get naked for other men...
Perry
07-02-2009, 07:31 PM
That is because you wanted to be Mrs. Perry. How about the ones you didn't have long range plans for?
Nope, they didn't get in either - not that I actually had long range plans for Mr. Perry for a long time. I liked to date several guys all at once. And not sleep with any of them. Sex can be risky for your health, and it makes everything complicated.
Naida
07-03-2009, 08:23 PM
If I like you and you hold my hand, that'll turn me on... We're just wired that way... We cannot be romantic without also being sexual... In fact, just looking at the woman we are attracted to (like when she wears a short skirt or tight blouse)... will arouse us... I've had this debate with women before, so I think we're just wired differently and see things differently -- Every physical contact with the person I love is sexy and arousing...
The safest thing to do is stay in public places, specially if you are kissing, caressing each other, etc... His arousal will be somewhat tempered by the fact that he is in a public place...
This is not true in anyway, shape or form. While ALOT of guys are this way, that is not ALL. My bennie and I- yeah, he sees me wearing a lowcut top and he loves it in the most perverted of fashions. But even at the end of a day together, he'll drag me into bed with him to make out and cuddle, no erection involved.
Naida
07-03-2009, 08:28 PM
The incredibly wonderful way it feels to hold hands with someone you really like only feels that way before you have had sex with them...
Bullshit. As I mentioned before, my bennie and I are very kissy/cuddly. Holding hands with him still feels special, even though we slept together before we ever held hands.
Naida
07-03-2009, 08:30 PM
Why does the word "chauvinist" come to mind, Earl?
jack0177057
07-06-2009, 11:40 AM
Bullshit. As I mentioned before, my bennie and I are very kissy/cuddly. Holding hands with him still feels special, even though we slept together before we ever held hands.
I was quoting a woman... and she didn't say holding hands was not "special" anymore... She just said that, prior to sex, holding hands was very sexy because it was the sole point of physical contact... and the fingers did, what the rest of the body was holding back on...
verfolgung
07-06-2009, 12:37 PM
I was referring to a new romantic partner... Virtually any physical contact causes sexual tension...
This was written by a young woman:
"I've seen this from the boyfriends I've had since Jeff: The incredibly wonderful way it feels to hold hands with someone you really like only feels that way before you have had sex with them... I think that's because when you're still pre-sleeping together, all your longing, desire - all the sexual feelings you have towards each other - is concentrated in the contact between the skin of your palms.
We held hands all the time. There was something very sexy about walking on the beach or at Pacific Ocean Park with our fingers interlaced..."
http://www.wholefamily.com/aboutteensnow/sexuality/teen/holding_hand.html
This quote is from an article, "The Joy of Holding Hands" which was basically written to advocate abstinance. /:O
Perhaps I am misunderstanding your point. My impression is that the author did not write these lines with the intent that hand holding would create an overflow of sexual tension. My take was her point was that the act of holding hands was made special, not anxious, by never having had sex with him. Also it was completely from her perspective, and never really talks about his reaction, especially the idea that he would need to release himself. It would be hard (no pun intended) for the author to describe how a simple act can be made special without sex, if she felt that act would create such tension.
jack0177057
07-06-2009, 12:38 PM
This is not true in anyway, shape or form. While ALOT of guys are this way, that is not ALL. My bennie and I- yeah, he sees me wearing a lowcut top and he loves it in the most perverted of fashions. But even at the end of a day together, he'll drag me into bed with him to make out and cuddle, no erection involved.
Your comment almost makes you sound like you abhor sex altogether...
I don't know whether to congratulate you or not... To you, bennie is a wonderful and tender guy (which is awesome because you two are perfectly matched), but, to other women, he might cause disappointment that his body does not manifest a higher state of arousal...
Since when did sex become something that tarnishes love?... Since when did an exchange of passion, ecstacy and bliss become something you don't want to do with your lover? I absolutely love watching my lover (a true lover, not just a sex partner) attain her height of physical pleasure and squirm in orgasmic delight... Nothing I can buy her gives her the same satisfaction (of both mind and body)... When she reaches orgasm, I feel intense joy that I have this power to deliver such intense pleasure to her... I become so connected with her rapture, that her orgasm instantly triggers my own and we orgasm together, holding each other's body as tight and firm as is possible without causing harm, and riding each other's orgasmic waves... And this is absolutely the most intimate feeling I've ever experienced... It takes us "beyond" normal existence...
And I absolutely love the "after-sex" glow that we both have as we continue to tenderly kiss and cuddle,... not wanting the night to ever end.
I respect anyone who loves and respects sexual intimacy so much, that they choose to delay it for purposes of: (i) allowing the emotional intimacy to develop with a new romantic partner, and (ii) allowing the sexual tension to peak (e.g., like a really extended foreplay)... That is why, I support the OP... Personally, I also prefer some delay... (2 to 4 weeks after our first romantic kiss).
However, the separation of love and "making love" (i.e., sex) is inconceivable to me... Maybe, some people can separate the two and live accordingly, but it is completely impossible for me (and probably most people) to separate the two... Lust may exists, alone, without any romantic love,... but to me, love cannot exist, alone, without powerful sexual passion...
verfolgung
07-06-2009, 12:47 PM
... but to me, love cannot exist, alone, without powerful sexual passion...
Given out past discussions, please don't take this as my being argumentative ...
But you of course feel that people can grow old together right?
What would happen if your lover somehow had a tragic accident leaving her as a qaudriplegic; would you have to leave her?
... Jokingly - do you love your mom? :D
My personal feeling is that love, while enchanced by physical passions, can also exist strongly without it.
jack0177057
07-06-2009, 12:53 PM
Perhaps I am misunderstanding your point.
Yes, you did...
All I am saying is that, in a new romatic relationship, any physical contact has the power to create sexual tension, including holding hands... To say that holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc. is "non-sexual" and should not cause a "normal" (not a sex-obsessed maniac like me) guy to become stimulated... is seeing things from the female perspective and not the male perspective...
I'm not talking absolutes, just generalities...
verfolgung
07-06-2009, 01:11 PM
^^^ So your point in using that quote was to show how Jeff was being left frustrated by the young woman?
jack0177057
07-06-2009, 01:16 PM
Given out past discussions, please don't take this as my being argumentative ...
But you of course feel that people can grow old together right?
What would happen if your lover somehow had a tragic accident leaving her as a qaudriplegic; would you have to leave her?
... Jokingly - do you love your mom? :D
My personal feeling is that love, while enchanced by physical passions, can also exist strongly without it.
I don't think the OP was talking about dating her mom...
I hear that passions fade when you get "old", so hopefully, the "old couple" shared plenty of passion in their youth.
If my lover became a qaudriplegic, I wouldn't leave her. I didn't say love was only about sex... A said love and sex are inextricably linked (for many people, but maybe not all)... We would just need to accomodate to the circumstances and keep the memories of our passion alive in new ways... Eroticism can be verbal, visual, tactile, etc.
Are you going to ask me now, what I would do if she became a deaf-mute?...
verfolgung
07-06-2009, 01:23 PM
Nah, was just qualifying how intertwined the whole love/sex issue was. Heh.
jack0177057
07-06-2009, 01:23 PM
^^^ So your point in using that quote was to show how Jeff was being left frustrated by the young woman?
No silly man.
My point was that, even a young woman, acknowledges that holding hands (before sex) has a sexual component to it, at least before sex.
Jeff didn't write in, so I am just limited to the girl's point of view, which is usually,... less sexual in nature than the young boy's (with raging hormones) point of view...
verfolgung
07-06-2009, 01:46 PM
^^^ I just found it interesting how you were having a discussion with women who said that they could be physical without being sexual, and to support your counter-arguement you pulled a quote from a woman who was trying to encourage abstinance. Heh.
Everyman
07-06-2009, 01:50 PM
A bit of a threadjack. This whole "bennies" thing sounds ridiculous to me. I can see making love with someone you love, or having sex with one-night stands or distant acquaintances.
But regular sex with someone who is "just a friend"? Cuddling and kissing and lying in bed with someone who you like (a) physically, and (b) as a friend, but for some mysterious reason you don't want to "date" (whatever that means, since you are doing all the things "daters" do anyway).
I don't get it.
Dear god, I agree with the men. What other signs of the Apocalypse should we be on the look out for?
Gia2608
07-06-2009, 04:21 PM
Dear god, I agree with the men. What other signs of the Apocalypse should we be on the look out for?
Ha ha! Lol. I feel like I am watching it on CNN sometimes, the pestilence (sp?) is beginning, as well as the wide spread disease (The kid from Harry Potter getting Swine Flu), the sea already swallowed 200,000 and now there is that group in Europe (I can't recall the name of their book ) that is trying to overthrow democracy and western civilization. and now the MEN of SW are right!! Oh lordy, maybe the Jehovah's witnesses aren't so weird after all.
jack0177057
07-06-2009, 07:11 PM
^^^ I just found it interesting how you were having a discussion with women who said that they could be physical without being sexual, and to support your counter-arguement you pulled a quote from a woman who was trying to encourage abstinance. Heh.
Because, you want to argue and haven't really read anything I wrote... I respect delaying sexual intimacy... I never criticized that decision;... delayed gratification can be really hot, because the sexual tension is allowed to reach its peak (but, it can also grow stale from waiting too long)... I get a lot more satisfaction from a long courtship than an "easy" conquest...
My point was only that a woman might regard certain physical contact, such as kissing, hugging, etc., as "non-sexual", whereas the sexual tension is pilling up really heavy for the guy... I'm not saying that this fact imposes any sort of obligation on the girl to "take care" of him... But, a little sensitivity on her part to either release that tension some other way, or avoid it altogether, might be helpful... and kind...
Perry
07-07-2009, 09:47 AM
A bit of a threadjack. This whole "bennies" thing sounds ridiculous to me. I can see making love with someone you love, or having sex with one-night stands or distant acquaintances.
But regular sex with someone who is "just a friend"? Cuddling and kissing and lying in bed with someone who you like (a) physically, and (b) as a friend, but for some mysterious reason you don't want to "date" (whatever that means, since you are doing all the things "daters" do anyway).
I don't get it.
Well, my old bennie was a great friend, pretty decent in bed, but a lousy person. Not that he was mean or stupid or anything, just lazy, no goals, no ambition, a big bag of anxiety issues and far too young for me. I don't train puppies. I just play with them.
vmurphy252
07-07-2009, 09:49 AM
^lolz
Sugarmama
07-07-2009, 02:07 PM
I am late on this thread I am a web performer to I have been very lucky that I only ran into one jerk. My take on sex is this I am not dating you for very long before trying out your goods. Why waste the time get emotionally involved with the person only to find out that their dick is to little, they can't eat the puss right, and can barely hump their way out a wet paper bag.
Now fellas don't get your boxer's twisted who wants a chick that want go down, doesn't like any thing but the missionary, and will only do it on certain nights of the week.
So as much as we try to prolong sex with relationships thing it we will keep the guy longer or see star's.
My granny told me she married her first husband cause she wanted to get some and then it won't all that she left him not just for that lol.
My grandfather that raised me and her were together for 54 yrs death til they parted and her saying to me was make sure you test it out before you get to involved.
Naida
07-07-2009, 06:44 PM
I respect anyone who loves and respects sexual intimacy so much, that they choose to delay it for purposes of: (i) allowing the emotional intimacy to develop with a new romantic partner, and (ii) allowing the sexual tension to peak (e.g., like a really extended foreplay)... That is why, I support the OP... Personally, I also prefer some delay... (2 to 4 weeks after our first romantic kiss).
However, the separation of love and "making love" (i.e., sex) is inconceivable to me... Maybe, some people can separate the two and live accordingly, but it is completely impossible for me (and probably most people) to separate the two... Lust may exists, alone, without any romantic love,... but to me, love cannot exist, alone, without powerful sexual passion...
That was the entire point of my argument to begin with! We were arguing that we should hold off on sex so we're not just hopping into bed with guys who want us for physical reasons.
Re-reading though: Love without sex is VERY possible if you really do love some one. You should be able to wait until you're BOTH ready if you really care. And, as some one who's dated a parapalegic, there are lots of other ways to find intimacy.
Naida
07-07-2009, 07:03 PM
A bit of a threadjack. This whole "bennies" thing sounds ridiculous to me. I can see making love with someone you love, or having sex with one-night stands or distant acquaintances.
But regular sex with someone who is "just a friend"? Cuddling and kissing and lying in bed with someone who you like (a) physically, and (b) as a friend, but for some mysterious reason you don't want to "date" (whatever that means, since you are doing all the things "daters" do anyway).
I don't get it.
You end up becoming bennies typically for two reasons-
1) You don't share explicitly romantic feeling, or
2) You just can't get along together in a relationship.
Naida
07-07-2009, 07:08 PM
Now, I'm not advocating wait till marriage or whatever. I'm just saying that if you really want the relationship to last, it's preferable to grow an emotional attachment first.
If things aren't compatible in the bedroom, at least you'll still have a friend out of the whole ordeal.
GrlWithTheMost
07-08-2009, 04:02 PM
Yup gotta try it before ya buy it :) bahaha. Just do wahtever makes u happy.
jack0177057
07-08-2009, 05:35 PM
That was the entire point of my argument to begin with! We were arguing that we should hold off on sex so we're not just hopping into bed with guys who want us for physical reasons.
I agree with you,... my point is that holding off on sex is not the same as being "non-sexual"... A lot of "virgins" plan to hold off on sex until marriage, but give blow-jobs, hand-jobs and "titty-sex"...
Also, even without these non-coitus sexual acts... Any physical contact (before sex) may generate sexual tension... and possibly, arousal... Making out and the exploration with the hands that simultaneously takes place is extremely sensual and arousing...
Love without sex is VERY possible if you really do love some one.
In extreme circumstance, yes... I would not abandon a lover if a tragedy struck and made her incapable of having sex with me... But, in the usual case of two healthy people who love each other deeply, sex is a major part of their relationship... Its an expression of love... That's why married people have children... We mate,... its biological, natural, healthy... and necessary... plus, it feels absolutely amazing when done right!
You should be able to wait until you're BOTH ready if you really care.
I agree with that,... but the unfortunate reality is that either party may lose interest if the other one withholds sex for too long (for me, too long would be 2 months from our first kiss, but it varies from person to person)... Women are probably worst than men at this. They have a very hard time accepting sexual rejection... I've tried it, just as an experiment, and was told, "You're a guy, you're not supposed to say 'no'! Are you gay?"
audrey_k
07-12-2009, 07:04 AM
I'm glad a dancer said this and not one of us guys...
Unfortunately, people do stereotype... all the time... And, you can't help but associate people with their chosen occupation... You generally expect people in the sex industry to be more open-minded and comfortable with nudity and sexuality than the rest of the world...
I don't say this to criticise Kyleigh's decision to wait... I totally respect her decision and admire her for it... But, it will be extremely tough for any guy to go more than a month in a relationship without sex...
A month?
I've never slept with a guy before 3 months and I felt THAT was early. Sorry but I'm not going to sleep with someone unless I trust them and know that they really care about me, for emmotional and health reasons. I'm not religious by any means but I know that I am not the kind of girl who can have casual sex, or sex early on in a relationship and not feel uncomfortable. Some girls are fine with it and more power to them, but that is not me.
Any guy who has a problem with that or for some reason thinks that because I'm a stripper he's entitled to me sleeping with him early is going to have to go take care of himself in the bathroom if he's hopigng to get any action. Stripping is a job not a hobby, and any guy who doesn't respect that it is how I make my living, no who I am is not worth my time or any other dancers.