View Full Version : asking out a stripper
caleb
08-12-2009, 01:14 AM
yeah im still around and have been taking everything in. alot of good replues for and against. i havnt gone back there yet but am planning another big wkend in the next month or so so may be seeing her again
Earl_the_Pearl
08-12-2009, 08:00 AM
yeah im still around and have been taking everything in. alot of good replues for and against. i havnt gone back there yet but am planning another big wkend in the next month or so so may be seeing her again
The replies for are all from dancers doing their hustle.
dlabtot
08-12-2009, 11:11 AM
yeah im still around and have been taking everything in. alot of good replues for and against. i havnt gone back there yet but am planning another big wkend in the next month or so so may be seeing her again
So you are gonna go back almost two months after you met her and maybe ask her out?
That'll really show her how attracted to her you are and how decisive you can be ::)
SerenaSin
08-12-2009, 11:41 AM
You might try and find out if she is married before you plan your retirement home. :cupid: Lots of strippers are... very happily.
Or have boyfriends, at least. I may not have a ring on my finger (I don't really believe in marriage) but I sure as hell am not gonna date any guy I meet in the club, no matter how attractive or persistent they are. In fact I probably wouldn't even do this if I were single. It just seems dangerous to me.
PLUS girls sometimes get shit-talked if other dancers in the club find out theyre dating customers. This girl might get pegged as a prostitute, putting her livelihood in jeopardy (even if you two never end up having sex).
I do, however, know dancers who have gone on dates with customers. They get a free meal and a chunk of money out of it at the end (they DON'T have sex with the guy or pursue a relationship with him). If she says yes to a date she might see this as just another business deal and expect some cash for her time. That might be an awkward situation for you to find yourself in.
I get asked out by about 5-10 different guys every single night. It's annoying as hell. If I dated every decent guy who spent some cash on me and gave me his number I would do nothing but date! lol.
SerenaSin
08-12-2009, 11:58 AM
Caleb,
I am not a playa by any stretch but allow my to indulge. I am a theorist by nature, so may be I can use this gift to chart out a course that you can traverse. This however does not guarantee anything.
Let us start.
Your object is a stripper. What are her attributes?
- She dances for money
- She pretends to make love to you for money
These attributes of a stripper can be very demoralizing for a tender young man who is in search of his Juliet. It is understandable. Your brain is telling your heart to stay away from her because she may just be after your money. Well that is her job. So, we cannot blame her for that.
But a stripper derives herself from a woman. What are the attributes of a woman?
- She wants to fall in love
- She wants to get married
- She wants kids
- Etc.
At this stage, you need to find out how much of those attributes of a woman are still there in the stripper. Because, it is possible for a stripper to to suppress the attributes of the woman over a period of time.
Does she want to fall in love?
Does she want to get married?
Does she want kids?
Once you solve that then the next challenge is to find out following:
Are you the man she wants to fall in love with?
Are you the man she wants to get married to?
Are you the man she wants to have kids with?
If the answer is yes, then the mission is accomplished.
If the answer is no, then the mission was a failure. But, you tried. No one can blame a man for trying.
I wish you all the best!
Haha
It has nothing to do with "suppressing" the attributes of being a woman, or whether or not there's any "woman" left in this stripper. "But a stripper derives herself from a woman."??? Everyone wants to fall in love, or has found love, man or woman. Getting married and having kids are different- they are logistical/life choices that don't necessarily benefit everyone equally and that don't necessarily fit in with everyone's plans, they are therefore easier variables to control. I don't wish to get married or have kids, does that make me not a woman, or just a stripper? (I felt this way long before I ever dreamed of stripping).
Isn't is possible for any person to suppress their urges for the sake of a job? Or (in the case of strippers), to suppress them WHILE they are on the job?
I don't know what you do for a living or what your marital status is but what if you were getting hit on by men and women all the time while you were busting your ass trying to make money, and they expected you to slow down and focus all your attention on them?
We're no different than accountants or business execs who try to keep it "all business" while on the job but are very different when we are with those we love dearly and tenderly. So while we may be seen as cold, moneygrubbing bitches who are just "strippers" and not "women" (who presumably ALL want "love/marriage/children"?) by rejected guys who really don't know a damn thing about us (though they swear to the contrary), many of us are normal, sweet, complex humans beings.
But I'm sure you'd be able to tell that from reading SW
Elvia
08-12-2009, 04:13 PM
The replies for are all from dancers doing their hustle.
Ignoring for a moment that this sentence doesn't make any sense...why even mention hustle? A hustle is something you do in a club, with a customer,to try to get them to spend money. We are not in a club, and there is no chance of any dancer getting money from the OP...so where is the "hustle?"
Cyril
08-12-2009, 08:09 PM
We're not talking about love, we're talking about dating. Love comes after dating. Dating is filled with ritual. Sharing a meal is a classic dating ritual. They say people go out to restaurants on dates because sharing food is the most primal display of affection.
Well the objective here is love. Most people date for the want of love. Therefore introduction of material things no matter how trivial will complicate the situation.
Cyril
08-12-2009, 09:35 PM
Haha
It has nothing to do with "suppressing" the attributes of being a woman, or whether or not there's any "woman" left in this stripper. "But a stripper derives herself from a woman."??? Everyone wants to fall in love, or has found love, man or woman. Getting married and having kids are different- they are logistical/life choices that don't necessarily benefit everyone equally and that don't necessarily fit in with everyone's plans, they are therefore easier variables to control. I don't wish to get married or have kids, does that make me not a woman, or just a stripper? (I felt this way long before I ever dreamed of stripping).
Isn't is possible for any person to suppress their urges for the sake of a job? Or (in the case of strippers), to suppress them WHILE they are on the job?
I don't know what you do for a living or what your marital status is but what if you were getting hit on by men and women all the time while you were busting your ass trying to make money, and they expected you to slow down and focus all your attention on them?
We're no different than accountants or business execs who try to keep it "all business" while on the job but are very different when we are with those we love dearly and tenderly. So while we may be seen as cold, moneygrubbing bitches who are just "strippers" and not "women" (who presumably ALL want "love/marriage/children"?) by rejected guys who really don't know a damn thing about us (though they swear to the contrary), many of us are normal, sweet, complex humans beings.
But I'm sure you'd be able to tell that from reading SW
I learned through my interaction with women that there exists a group of women, a very small group of course, which opposes men through boycott of institutions like marriage. It is their way of getting back at men. I could never understand the logic behind it though.
I am one of those men who are in love with strippers as a result I tend to see things from their point of view. So, I am in agreement with you that when a stripper is working, she should be focusing on making money. When I am at work, even Megan Fox will have to fight for my attention. Work is all about making dough.
But once in a while we have to be open minded towards that special person whom we meet at the work. What do you think?
lopaw
08-12-2009, 09:54 PM
I learned through my interaction with women that there exists a group of women, a very small group of course, which opposes men through boycott of institutions like marriage. It is their way of getting back at men. I could never understand the logic behind it though.
Your inane & insipid conclusions about women's behaviour are a continuous source of both pity & amusement.
Congratulations.
Earl_the_Pearl
08-12-2009, 11:13 PM
I do, however, know dancers who have gone on dates with customers. They get a free meal and a chunk of money out of it at the end (they DON'T have sex with the guy or pursue a relationship with him). If she says yes to a date she might see this as just another business deal and expect some cash for her time. That might be an awkward situation for you to find yourself in.
I agree with you except about the part of not having sex; no honey no money. :no:
Let's be real; for every no sex paid date there are 99 paid "dates" where the PL busts a nut. :yes: If your dancer associates are telling you differently they are not being candid.
Earl_the_Pearl
08-12-2009, 11:21 PM
i really feel like going back and asking her out or giving her my number or something im not talking about stalking her or sex i just want to get to know her as a person. would this be ok or just stupid????
The replies for are all from dancers doing their hustle.
Ignoring for a moment that this sentence doesn't make any sense...why even mention hustle? A hustle is something you do in a club, with a customer,to try to get them to spend money. We are not in a club, and there is no chance of any dancer getting money from the OP...so where is the "hustle?"
OK the replies that are for him doing that and it not being stupid are from dancers hustling PLs. Dancers are always hustling whether ITC or IRL; they may not be hustling the OP individually but they are hustling any PL that reads this thread and thinks he can be a contender.
princessjas
08-12-2009, 11:23 PM
Your inane & insipid conclusions about women's behaviour are a continuous source of both pity & amusement.
Congratulations.
I love you! Im too drunk to verbalalize what I would normally say now.
Almost Jaded
08-12-2009, 11:23 PM
I am one of those men who are in love with strippers as a result I tend to see things from their point of view.
FUNNIEST
QUOTE
EvAr
And sigged for damn sure...
WestCoast101
08-13-2009, 08:06 AM
This might sound harsh but someone has to say it.
There's nothing in the OP's original statement that supports even a schred of evidence that this dancer has even an ounce of interest in legitimately (non pay for play) dating him OTC. She's doing her job, period. So he's approx her age? Big deal. He engages in conversation for an hr? Like that means anything? Earl's theory is as good as any as to why so many dancer's in here seem to be leading the guy on, or maybe its simply a chick type response where they are reverting to the "gee it could be romance" bullshit.
The guy's obviously not a high roller, obviously doesn't put out the bad guy vibe that turns so many chicks on - yup he's a "nice guy", strip clubs are loaded with them, translation to hot dancers in romantic terms : "boring"
It is true that certain dancers use their jobs are a sort of supermarket to select out guys for legit OTC, but the reverse is not true, most PL's are PLs, and to to ask out a dancer in this situation is absurd.
When a dancer really likes you, believe me you will know it, the signals will be clear, but I don't see any signs of that based on the info provided.
Almost Jaded
08-13-2009, 10:54 AM
When a dancer really likes you, believe me you will know it, the signals will be clear, but I don't see any signs of that based on the info provided.
You'r VERY right, but see, that's also where there's an issue. Very few guys are quipped to know the difference, since the dancers all ACT very interested most of the time - as arl so frequently points out, that's their whole day.
In fact, using my most recent experience as an example, I repeatedly told MM to "quit the stripper talk, you don't have to pretend to be interested in me to get me to buy dances, I already like you", lol. Because despite the fact that she made it very clear she was into me in a big way, it was still hard to differentiate that from how plenty of other dancers have talked to me over the years, lol. :shrug:
Earl_the_Pearl
08-13-2009, 12:43 PM
Because despite the fact that she made it very clear she was into me in a big way, it was still hard to differentiate that from how plenty of other dancers have talked to me over the years, lol. :shrug:
It is like they have been driving a stick for so long that even when they drive an automatic they still slap the floor looking for the clutch.
Cyril
08-13-2009, 07:23 PM
It is like they have been driving a stick for so long that even when they drive an automatic they still slap the floor looking for the clutch.
lol :) lol
Almost Jaded
08-13-2009, 07:29 PM
I actually do that sometimes when driving an auto, LMAO...
Paris
08-13-2009, 07:37 PM
Well the objective here is love. Most people date for the want of love. Therefore introduction of material things no matter how trivial will complicate the situation.
So, you're single, right?
Cyril
08-13-2009, 07:39 PM
So, you're single, right?
I am in a marriage.
Cyril
08-13-2009, 07:47 PM
FUNNIEST
QUOTE
EvAr
And sigged for damn sure...
It is truly regrettable that you find that line funny.
dlabtot
08-13-2009, 08:07 PM
It is weird looking at a thread where there are so many posts from people on my ignore list... and then every time I give in to the urge to see what they wrote - oh, now I remember.. lol. Some folks just don't have anything to add to the discussion. My pet peeve is when folks post long quote blocks from people I have on iggy.
WestCoast101
08-13-2009, 09:27 PM
where i live we just presume most chicks are actresses anyways, and we're usually right. Its makes life alot simpler.
Elvia
08-15-2009, 03:13 AM
It is truly regrettable that you find that line funny.
Seriously, Cyril, you honestly think you see things from our perspective? Oh. My. God. You are UNBELIEVABLY oblivious.
Elvia
08-15-2009, 03:17 AM
Well the objective here is love. Most people date for the want of love. Therefore introduction of material things no matter how trivial will complicate the situation.
I think the reality is that most people actually do spend money dating. So, anyone who makes a point of spending nothing while dating is going to stand out, and it's going to look cheap.
I spend money on a guy when I'm dating him. If he wouldn't spend money on me at all (meaning we could never go out to dinner or a movie unless I foot the entire bill) and I knew he wasn't just seriously broke, I would really question it. Which would needlessly complicate things a lot more than if he just picked up the occasional check or bought the occasional movie ticket.
WestCoast101
08-15-2009, 08:59 AM
To the OP's credit he instinctively right out of the gate gets it right: "sure this is all part of the job to draw guys......" He at least acknowledges that, but his obvious inexperience with the business allows him to start misinterpreting the rest.
The OP has to understand these dancers are pros. The more experienced ones have interacted with literally 1000's of customers. They know exacty what buttons to push. Certain dancers actually do prefer certain customers over others, they might even enjoy talking to you, but it almost always has nothing to do with wanting to date you.
The good news is you can still enjoy this dancer by now and then buying dances, but if you start spending sufficient to make it an ATF situation you have to recognize you're very very likely on a one way street deal. Keep in mind she will sense it if you truely have a thing for her (so need for you to explicitely state it), then she has to balance how much she wants to lead you on - nearly always including the "i miss you" b.s. and down the road often the casually stated and vague "i love you" - (like her dog that is and very very rarely with the more complicating term "i'm in love with you" phrase ever used) -in at some point, assuming you are spending alot over time.
They want to keep you spending but not over do the string-along where you might get angry at them. Note many dancers assume a shelf life of probably 3 to 6 months to regular customer arrangements because the balancing act is just too compllicated to sustain itself longer.
The entire ATF GFE experience is very complex and except in here and a few other sites - is rarely discussed.
Almost Jaded
08-15-2009, 11:14 AM
UNBELIEVABLY oblivious
That combination of words rolls off the tongue in a really cool way. Ever since I read it, I've been repeating it out loud over and over, lol.
Now I'm saying "Obviously unbelievably oblivious".
Now where were we... Oh, right...
Cyril, dude - you try, and that's good. But the fact that you are roundly criticized, argued with, or ignored (to put it nicely) by most of the dancers on these boards ought to tell you something. That quote would be a bold statement from anyone, but from you - I don't need to tell you where most of your discussions with the girls end up, do I? - it's just funny. I don't mean to be rude, but there's no nice way to react to that one. :shrug:
Cyril
08-15-2009, 11:44 AM
Seriously, Cyril, you honestly think you see things from our perspective? Oh. My. God. You are UNBELIEVABLY oblivious.
Yes. I do see things from the perspective of strippers.
Why would you even want to question that? It seems like you have bought into the propaganda of the cabal which has been engaged in character assassination against me.
If you feel that way then at least give me an opportunity to defend myself before you form such unfavorable opinion of me.
So, tell me, why do you think that I do not see things from the perspective of the strippers?
JayATee
08-15-2009, 12:09 PM
Cyril, dude - you try, and that's good.
Please don't encourage him.
Cyril
08-15-2009, 12:36 PM
Please don't encourage him.
Your baiting is unfortunate.
KiwiStrawberry Splenda
08-15-2009, 02:24 PM
I heart Cyril.
Any stripper in the game long enough shouldn't get annoyed that the customer asked her out if he does it politely. Just go back, get more dances, see where it leads you, then ask her, "hey, want to grab a cup of coffee DATE:TIME at XXXX coffee shop?" If she gives you ANYTHING BUT a clear, "YES, HERE IS MY NUMBER AND GIVE ME YOURS, I AM FREE THAT DAY", she isn't interested.
But really, this applies to 99% of the threads here, and will be the least caustic on both PL and stripper. Allow me to re-phrase.
1. Don't waste her time. Get dances and tip her onstage if you see her there first
2. After you've spent what you want, if you still feel there is chemistry, and its NEW chemistry
(not just the exact same transaction as last time), then....
3. Ask her out to a specific place, that is very public, and doesn't take long...at a very specific time.
Ex. "Would you like to join me for a cup of joe at that artsy coffee house by the lake on Thursday, at 6pm? I like to go there after work and people watch."
If she has ANY, and I mean ANY hesitation about that, then she is not interested. Give up. If she is scheduled to work that day, and IS interested, she will offer up an alternate day. She will let you know. If she doesn't, drop it in your mind completely. Wouldn't hurt to throw in an extra tip for being the 14th guy that night to ask her out.
But this is how you will know, and it doesn't invade her privacy, let's her say yes or no, and isn't pervy or "material", and only takes about 20 seconds.
KiwiStrawberry Splenda
08-15-2009, 02:29 PM
To add: she still may be playing you even if she says yes. That's why you should ask her to meet you someplace close to your home that doesn't require any reservations or commitment on either of your times. HENCE...if its 5:30 on Wednesday, you're headed out of work, she calls and pleads you to come to the club because she "has to work"
A. Go home or do something else
B. Go to the club and know you are her customer, enjoy it for what it is.
JayATee
08-15-2009, 04:03 PM
I wasn't baiting you genius. ::)
Cyril
08-15-2009, 06:18 PM
I wasn't baiting you genius. ::)
Is there someone else?
Elvia
08-15-2009, 06:51 PM
Cyril, dude - you try, and that's good. But the fact that you are roundly criticized, argued with, or ignored (to put it nicely) by most of the dancers on these boards ought to tell you something. That quote would be a bold statement from anyone, but from you - I don't need to tell you where most of your discussions with the girls end up, do I? - it's just funny. I don't mean to be rude, but there's no nice way to react to that one. :shrug:
THIS.
This right here.
You argue about everything. Even things you admit to being pretty unfamiliar with. Like strip clubs. And yet, you continue to act like you know better than the people who work in or regularly patronize the industry. And no matter how many times people try to tell you how ignorant and arrogant that attitude is, you just don't get it. You don't see things from our point of view because you don't even listen to us.
WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 07:13 PM
I am one of those men who are in love with strippers as a result I tend to see things from their point of view. ...that is hilarious.:D Seriously, it really did make me laugh, Cyril.
Cyril
08-15-2009, 07:40 PM
THIS.
This right here.
You argue about everything. Even things you admit to being pretty unfamiliar with. Like strip clubs. And yet, you continue to act like you know better than the people who work in or regularly patronize the industry. And no matter how many times people try to tell you how ignorant and arrogant that attitude is, you just don't get it. You don't see things from our point of view because you don't even listen to us.
I argue because I want to make things better for the strippers. I really do think that the current setup is not geared towards protecting the interests of strippers. I argue because I believe we need to think out of the box. Why is it so wrong?
Cyril
08-15-2009, 07:41 PM
...that is hilarious.:D Seriously, it really did make me laugh, Cyril.
Home, you are like a tic I cannot seem to get rid of. :D
Elvia
08-15-2009, 07:45 PM
^^^ And you don't think someone who actually has some significant experience with strip clubs would have a better idea as to what is in our best interests? No. Of course not. The man who never goes to strip clubs is clearly the one who knows what we need.
There's nothing impressive about forming an opinion in ignorance. Why do people who don't work in the sex industry always think they know what's better for us than we would? And why can they never see how arrogant that attitude is?
WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 07:53 PM
Home, you are like a tic I cannot seem to get rid of. :D...requires laser surgery, dude.
Cyril
08-15-2009, 07:53 PM
^^^ And you don't think someone who actually has some significant experience with strip clubs would have a better idea as to what is in our best interests? No. Of course not. The man who never goes to strip clubs is clearly the one who knows what we need.
There's nothing impressive forming an opinion in ignorance. Why do people who don't work in the sex industry always think they know what's better for us than we would? And why can they never see how arrogant that attitude is?
Sometime you have to zoom out in order to see the bigger picture. Since I am not close to the scene, I can see the entire picture; meaning I can see the point of view of club owners, strippers and PLs. You probably see things from the perspective of a stripper (we both do up to certain extent). A PL may see things from the perspective of getting extra and so on.
Of course, I am not saying that I know more than you about strip clubs. All I am doing is presenting an alternative point of view and since there are so many things that are going wrong with this industry, why not try something new and fresh like Dream Girls?
Elvia
08-15-2009, 07:55 PM
^^^ Maybe because we wouldn't want to work for someone who parades cheap douchebags around the club to get a free tour of our naked bodies?
Cyril
08-15-2009, 07:59 PM
^^^ Maybe because we wouldn't want to work for someone who parades cheap douchebags around the club to get a free tour of our naked bodies?
Do you believe that if there were a free tour, some customers would misuse the system just to take a 59 seconds look at strippers? What would they gain from it? I ask this because 59 seconds does not seem like a very long time.
Cyril
08-15-2009, 08:01 PM
...requires laser surgery, dude.
Charlie has a thread on laser surgery in the "Body Business" section. Please post an insightful post on the laser surgery there.
Elvia
08-15-2009, 08:01 PM
Even if it's not a long time, it's degrading in principle. And I think it would be largely total douchebags who would ask for a "free tour" of a strip club. I've seen too many strip clubs where the wrong kind of clientelle was encouraged. I left, as did all but the most desperate.
Cyril
08-15-2009, 08:08 PM
Even if it's not a long time, it's degrading in principle. And I think it would be largely total douchebags who would ask for a "free tour" of a strip club. I've seen too many strip clubs where the wrong kind of clientelle was encouraged. I left, as did all but the most desperate.
A good business manager should never encourage douche bags; only potential clients should be given the tour. Our views converge at this point.
So, where is the point of contention?
Is it possible that I am being misunderstood for I can be quite subtle at times?
xdamage
08-15-2009, 10:14 PM
...Since I am not close to the scene, I can see the entire picture; meaning I can see the point of view of club owners, strippers and PLs. You probably see things from the perspective of a stripper (we both do up to certain extent). A PL may see things from the perspective of getting extra and so on.
...
A fallacy.
You see things from the PoV of someone who doesn't understand the PoV of any of those characters. You're not a stripper. You're not a club owner. You're not a customer (you don't actually go to SCs and won't for some reason).
This makes you like the guy in North Bumfuck who thinks he understands what is going on in War better then the Leaders, the Troops and the Civilians at the skirmish site.
The guy in North Bumfuck definitely has a PoV, and he definitely thinks he knows better then the other's who are actually involved, but since he has zero personal investment, since he lives it from the safety of an arm chair, since he lives it in his head rather then for real, he doesn't actually see the big picture at all. He just want's to believe he does because it strokes his ego to think he is some kind of supreme commander seeing the world from the safety of a 3rd person (see my related point to you in your immaculate love thread).
So again dude, why are you afraid to actually go to a SC?
lopaw
08-15-2009, 10:23 PM
Home, you are like a tic I cannot seem to get rid of. :D
If that ain't the pot calling the kettle.....:kettle:
Cyril
08-15-2009, 10:31 PM
A fallacy.
This makes you like the guy in North Bumfuck who thinks he understands what is going on in War better then the Leaders, the Troops and the Civilians at the skirmish site.
Your post is pointless because leaders are recognized for their vision and their ability to think out of the box. And, that is exactly what I am doing, I am thinking out of the box to provide a solution to our conundrum.
Keep in mind, even the good leaders are ridiculed at times as history would tell you.
Cyril
08-15-2009, 10:34 PM
If that ain't the pot calling the kettle.....:kettle:
Excuse me? When have you seen me following WiseGuy from thread to thread? The answer is, never. Therefore, your proverb is misplaced in this context.