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Cyril
08-08-2009, 03:03 AM
You really want to go down this road?



No. I just wish to see something sane coming from your post. It is not that unreasonable to expect. Thanks!

Cyril
08-08-2009, 03:24 AM
I still have no idea why you or your threads are tolerated here.



- I love strippers
- I am civil
- I am sincere
- I try to see other people's point of view
- I am respectful even if I do not agree with someone
- When I make a mistake, I acknowledge and rectify it
- I engage in discourse with an intent to share information not to see who can piss further

Now, let me ask you this, why are you against an innocent novel on the "The Lounge" section? Is it because you hold an unfavorable disposition towards me? Is it because of my name?

I think it would be more prudent to ask why are you allowed to call me names time and time again?

WiseGuy_TX
08-08-2009, 06:41 AM
- I love strippers
- I am civil
- I am sincere
- I try to see other people's point of view
- I am respectful even if I do not agree with someone
- When I make a mistake, I acknowledge and rectify it
- I engage in discourse with an intent to share information not to see who can piss further

Now, let me ask you this, why are you against an innocent novel on the "The Lounge" section? Is it because you hold an unfavorable disposition towards me? Is it because of my name?

I think it would be more prudent to ask why are you allowed to call me names time and time again?...geeez, please stop patronizing the forum. You enjoy swimming against the tide as indicated by the volume of your confrontational posts. BTW, your story did not have any sharks with iron swords attached to their heads. Any chance for that?

xdamage
08-08-2009, 08:31 AM
Where do you see "cold" in my writing?

Reminds me of something a physics teacher once taught us. Cold is the lack of heat/energy, the natural state when everything is at rest, motionless, lifeless... that image stuck with me. You argued above that you felt it was not important to try and radiate any emotions in your writing... thus cold.

verfolgung
08-08-2009, 10:42 AM
.. I am satisfied with chapter one, two and four ...

You're satisfied with Chapter 1? Honestly, you should have put more work into improving Chapter 1 before even bothering to continue. For example, did you notice that your first and last paragraphs are inconsistent?

JayATee
08-08-2009, 10:58 AM
There is not a single author who is admired by everyone.

When you're not admired by ANYONE it's time to take the hint.


- I love strippers
- I am civil
- I am sincere
- I try to see other people's point of view
- I am respectful even if I do not agree with someone
- When I make a mistake, I acknowledge and rectify it
- I engage in discourse with an intent to share information not to see who can piss further

Now, let me ask you this, why are you against an innocent novel on the "The Lounge" section? Is it because you hold an unfavorable disposition towards me? Is it because of my name?

I think it would be more prudent to ask why are you allowed to call me names time and time again?

Don't make me laugh. This might be the funniest thing you've ever posted. Aside from this atrocious thing you are attempting to pass off as a "novel" about strippers and stripping.

P.S I haven't called you any names here... so don't get pissy just bc nobody else can stand you either.

mediocrity
08-08-2009, 12:18 PM
Your entire post was simply an account of wrong conjectures about Immaculate Love. Are you even trying to understand what is happening?

You are the one who has posted in customer conversation that it is about a dancer and a "PL"! You even told JayATee it features a goth stripper! Which is it?

Cyril
08-08-2009, 05:09 PM
Chapter - Five is up.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to read the novel and enjoy it!

Cyril
08-08-2009, 05:11 PM
You are the one who has posted in customer conversation that it is about a dancer and a "PL"! You even told JayATee it features a goth stripper! Which is it?

It seems like you are not following the storyline for some reason. Once I have few more chapters on the board, I will briefly summarize it for you. OK?

Cyril
08-08-2009, 05:19 PM
... so don't get pissy just bc nobody else can stand you either.

That really is not as big a deal as you are making it out to be.

evan_essence
08-08-2009, 05:31 PM
Meara was heading home from the divine well where she finished her evening prayers. She was a young girl trying to understand the turbulent time befallen on her Celtic tribe.

I find the following to be problematic. You're explaining too much in the form of narrative. It reads like dry facts from a dry history textbook. I don't want you to tell me so much as a narrator. Let what happens in the story -- the interaction of the characters and their thoughts and feelings -- tell me. The scene can be set by the narrator to set the tone, but set it and get out of the way. In reaction to the above excerpt and other passages like it, I feel cheated out of any empathy because I want to understand the character by her own revelations, not from the revelations of a narrator talking about her. I can empathize with the characters if you let them do the bulk of the story telling, rather than you telling so much of the story in your narrator voice.

-Eva

Cyril
08-08-2009, 05:34 PM
I find the following to be problematic. You're explaining too much in the form of narrative. It reads like dry facts from a dry history textbook. I don't want you to tell me so much as a narrator. Let what happens in the story -- the interaction of the characters and their thoughts and feelings -- tell me. The scene can be set by the narrator to set the tone, but set it and get out of the way. In reaction to the above excerpt and other passages like it, I feel cheated out of any empathy because I want to understand the character by her own revelations, not from the revelations of a narrator talking about her. I can empathize with the characters if you let them do the bulk of the story telling, rather than you telling so much of the story in your narrator voice.

-Eva

Thank you for the feedback! This is the kind of feedback I am looking for. You clearly identified a problem domain which needs to be addressed. I will try to follow your advise when writing the next chapter.

JayATee
08-08-2009, 05:41 PM
That really is not as big a deal as you are making it out to be.

You're the one who seems to have your panties in a bunch over it. I frankly couldn't care less if no one likes you. ;D

Cyril
08-08-2009, 05:50 PM
You're the one who seems to have your panties in a bunch over it. I frankly couldn't care less if no one likes you. ;D

I am glad you let it out of your chest. Praise the lord.

Hopper
08-08-2009, 06:44 PM
^I liked it better when she was ignoring us.

verfolgung
08-08-2009, 06:47 PM
Thank you for the feedback! This is the kind of feedback I am looking for. You clearly identified a problem domain which needs to be addressed. I will try to follow your advise when writing the next chapter.

This very similar criticism to what has already been provided.
Instead of continuing on to the next chapter, how about improving the first!



Chapter - Five is up.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to read the novel and enjoy it!

Psst, since you're a fan of removing extra words, there's no need for the last three. As of this point, no one has. ;)

Cyril
08-08-2009, 07:25 PM
^I liked it better when she was ignoring us.

I think she has a crush on one of us; I am not sure which one of us though. :)

verfolgung
08-08-2009, 07:32 PM
^I liked it better when she was ignoring us.I think she has a crush on one of us; I am not sure which one of us though.


Yeah, in the same reality where Dream Girls is a successful club, and Immaculate Love is a NYT Best Seller. ::)

Cyril
08-08-2009, 07:41 PM
Yeah, in the same reality where Dream Girls is a successful club, and Immaculate Love is a NYT Best Seller. ::)

You are a defeatist and you try to pigeonhole others in your caliber.

verfolgung
08-08-2009, 08:12 PM
^^^ This means a lot coming from someone who routinely likes to comment on things he has no clue about.

http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?p=1836398#post1836398

mediocrity
08-09-2009, 01:55 AM
It seems like you are not following the storyline for some reason. Once I have few more chapters on the board, I will briefly summarize it for you. OK?

You're evading the issue. You have SPECIFICALLY STATED (and I will find posts and quote 'em for backup) that this is a dancer and "PL" (<--disgusting term by the way) story.

And PS. Your storyline blows, no matter what you deem it to be about for the moment.

mediocrity
08-09-2009, 01:56 AM
Yeah, in the same reality where Dream Girls is a successful club, and Immaculate Love is a NYT Best Seller. ::)

Oh Verf. You make the customer comments worth it.;D You rock.

mediocrity
08-09-2009, 01:58 AM
That really is not as big a deal as you are making it out to be.

No, it's kind of a fact. 99% of us dancers either find you to be a) disgusting or b) insufferable.

So much for you loving strippers because they certainly don't love you.

JayATee
08-09-2009, 02:27 AM
I am glad you let it out of your chest. Praise the lord.

For what? No one liking you? Ok... praise the lord no one likes you.

Umm... but what exactly did I "let out of my chest"? LoL.

Hopper
08-09-2009, 02:52 AM
^If you are really annoyed of offended by him, you can just put him on ignore. Live and let live. You and mediocrity sound like you enjoy the conflict. You talk to him a lot for someone you can't stand.

Hopper
08-09-2009, 03:47 AM
No, it's kind of a fact. 99% of us dancers either find you to be a) disgusting or b) insufferable.

So much for you loving strippers because they certainly don't love you.

Then why don't all of you just ignore him and he'll go away because he'll have no-one to talk to. Unless you all enjoy suffereing and being disgusted.

WiseGuy_TX
08-09-2009, 05:35 AM
^If you are really annoyed of offended by him, you can just put him on ignore. Live and let live. You and mediocrity sound like you enjoy the conflict. You talk to him a lot for someone you can't stand....thief, stealing my lines! No plagiarizing in the novel thread!:D

Cyril
08-09-2009, 08:36 AM
For what? No one liking you? Ok... praise the lord no one likes you.

Umm... but what exactly did I "let out of my chest"? LoL.

I got it. No one likes me. Now, can we move on?

Cyril
08-09-2009, 08:38 AM
^If you are really annoyed of offended by him, you can just put him on ignore. Live and let live. You and mediocrity sound like you enjoy the conflict. You talk to him a lot for someone you can't stand.

I have to modify my original statement to this:

I think both of them have crush on us. :D lol :D

Cyril
08-09-2009, 08:40 AM
No, it's kind of a fact. 99% of us dancers either find you to be a) disgusting or b) insufferable.

So much for you loving strippers because they certainly don't love you.

I will never stop loving strippers. This novel will be dedicated to strippers of SW who taught me so much about the pole dancing world.

xdamage
08-09-2009, 08:41 AM
I don't have any problem with you trying to write Cyril. Just yea you're going to get criticism if you ask, and the stripper/pl plot-line seems a bit.. hmm.. obsessive? And yea you were goading JayATee with the gothic comment in some thread where you felt it necessary to point out "yea there will be a gothic chick". When you goad people they tend to react badly along with their friends. Common sense. You can't really be surprised by that reaction.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 08:43 AM
Reminds me of something a physics teacher once taught us. Cold is the lack of heat/energy, the natural state when everything is at rest, motionless, lifeless... that image stuck with me. You argued above that you felt it was not important to try and radiate any emotions in your writing... thus cold.

Right now we are dealing with narration and people who are cold (military type). Once the love scenes come into play, you will get your fill.

Keep in mind, our lead man has not entered the scene yet.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 08:45 AM
I don't have any problem with you trying to write Cyril. Just yea you're going to get criticism if you ask, and the stripper/pl plot-line seems a bit.. hmm.. obsessive? And yea you were goading JayATee with the gothic comment in some thread where you felt it necessary to point out "yea there will be a gothic chick". When you goad people they tend to react badly along with their friends. Common sense. You can't really be surprised by that reaction.

Why was that goading? It seems like you take extreme liberty to classify my post as whatever you feel like. In this case it became "goading". You have a tendency of stroking fire. I have noticed that time and time again.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 08:48 AM
^^^ This means a lot coming from someone who routinely likes to comment on things he has no clue about.



I am someone who has courage to go against the current.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 08:52 AM
You're evading the issue. You have SPECIFICALLY STATED (and I will find posts and quote 'em for backup) that this is a dancer and "PL" (<--disgusting term by the way) story.

And PS. Your storyline blows, no matter what you deem it to be about for the moment.

It is a love story between a PL and a stripper. It will show triumph of love over greed and lust. It will show two hearts connecting amidst war and darkness; kind of like a lotus blooming from the mud.

WiseGuy_TX
08-09-2009, 08:58 AM
I am someone who has courage to go against the current....well, I agree with that. However, its not getting you very far.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 09:52 AM
...well, I agree with that. However, its not getting you very far.

Define far in this context.

verfolgung
08-09-2009, 10:25 AM
^^^ This means a lot coming from someone who routinely likes to comment on things he has no clue about.

http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?p=1836398#post1836398
I am someone who has courage to go against the current.


It doesn't take courage to give baseless advice. It merely takes ignorance and indifference - two things which you appear to have plenty of, especially when it comes to the topic of SCs.

WiseGuy_TX
08-09-2009, 10:26 AM
Define far in this context.
...keep swimming with those iron sword headed sharks against the current Cyril, keep swimming.:D

Its time for the next chapter or better yet, the ending.

JayATee
08-09-2009, 10:55 AM
I got it. No one likes me. Now, can we move on?

Why? It's fun. And you never move on when asked to.

As a matter of fact, I think I'll just continue to insist upon this one set of facts and refuse to see what anyone else has written about it so I can continue to infuriate everyone. But truly this is probably too subtle for you to understand and a waste of time...

BTW you still didn't tell me what I let out of my chest. Im quite curious about that.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 11:03 AM
BTW you still didn't tell me what I let out of my chest. Im quite curious about that.

That you do not care ...........

mediocrity
08-09-2009, 12:34 PM
It is a love story between a PL and a stripper. It will show triumph of love over greed and lust. It will show two hearts connecting amidst war and darkness; kind of like a lotus blooming from the mud.

How is your main character a stripper? Doesn't seem like she works in a SC or does private parties.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 12:39 PM
How is your main character a stripper? Doesn't seem like she works in a SC or does private parties.

Just hold on and be patient, let the story unfold. You are displaying the same degree of impatience you displayed on Dream Girls thread.

JayATee
08-09-2009, 12:40 PM
That you do not care ...........

That was sarcasm. People don't let things out of their chest, they let things off their chest, Mr. Epic Novel writer.

mediocrity
08-09-2009, 12:54 PM
Just hold on and be patient, let the story unfold. You are displaying the same degree of impatience you displayed on Dream Girls thread.

It's ok. You're displaying the same level of stupidity.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 05:35 PM
Chapter – Six
The Sniff

Sethos and his team crossed the mountain and green Celtic valley was in front of them. The men were spellbound to see such beautiful landscape. They had setup a command and control center from where they were carrying out their patrols to locate nearby towns and villages in a very stealthy manner.

“Are all the patrols back, Nikon?”

“Yes, all parties are back. I have some good news for you Sethos.” There was visible excitement on Nikon’s face. He continued, “Anatole’s team has spotted a town.” Nikon handed Sethos the cartographical data prepared by Anatole’s team.

“The town is little bit far from here but we can start with the near by villages first.”

“No.” Sethos interrupted Nikon’s speech. “The town may have a garrison and raiding the villages first may alert them. Let us conduct a reconnaissance on the town first.”

“Who would you like to go for the reconnaissance mission?” Nikon asked.

“Send Anatole. He is already familiar with the location. Rest of us will stay put here till Anatole and his team is back.” Sethos ended the briefing with those remarks.

Anatole was a fugitive who came to Sethos from the east. His first test came during a mission Sethos took inside Carthage territory. Anatole spotted and gathered reconnaissance on a fort believed to have been housing several women for Carthage royals. The reconnaissance work done by Anatole was excellent resulting in Sethos getting his hands on several beautiful and trained entertainers at no casualty.

It was beginning to get dark when Anatole’s party arrived at the periphery of this Celtic town. They decided to find a hiding place and stayed put till it became darker. Only after it was completely dark that Anatole and his small team ventured towards the town. He thanked goddess Selene for staying out of the sky and not lighting the town tonight; it made his mission much easier.

The town was fairly large; with the grace of Tyche, they will be able to snatch at least fifty women from this town alone but towns of this size always had a military garrison. It was Anatole’s task to find out the location of garrison’s barracks, its numerical strength, its patrolling tactics, its weapons’ capabilities and whether it could call upon a nearby reinforcement. The fate of the mission relied on Anatole gathering accurate intelligence on this town.

Anatole and his team did a very thorough job in finding out all the pertinent information. They stayed at the location for several days, hiding during the day and venturing out at night. Now, it was time to return to the command and control center with all the vital intelligence.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 05:42 PM
That was sarcasm. People don't let things out of their chest, they let things off their chest, Mr. Epic Novel writer.

In that case, I am glad you let it off of your chest.

Cyril
08-09-2009, 05:44 PM
It's ok. You're displaying the same level of stupidity.

You are not qualified to call others stupid. It is like pot calling kettle black.

Elvia
08-09-2009, 06:23 PM
Out of curiosity, where are you from, Cyril?

Cyril
08-09-2009, 06:29 PM
Out of curiosity, where are you from, Cyril?

Why the curiosity? :D

(Just curious.)