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JayATee
08-13-2009, 01:03 AM
What I am saying is that your opinion means very little to me unless you earn the credibility. This is a poor quality argument coming from someone who wants to be a lawyer.

LoL, you know, I might take your insults more seriously if you didn't come off as someone so uneducated that you can't even speak basic english, let alone understand sentence structure, or how to even formulate a basic thought. Comment on my choice of schooling when you're worthy. Until then stop speaking. Every word out of your mouth only makes you out to be even more of a joke then you already are.


Anyone can say baseless things like these. This entire post had no merit whatsoever.

Mods since this post had no merit according to the OP himself, can we lock it now please?

Hopper
08-13-2009, 02:33 AM
^You've done nothing but bait him since your first post in this thread. I really can't see what you are getting out of it. You have the whole rest of the internet. Ever heard of live and let live?

verfolgung
08-13-2009, 07:04 AM
^^^ Hopper please feel free to link the post where you've given any feedback, positive or otherwise, related to the Cyril's novel. ::)

verfolgung
08-13-2009, 07:07 AM
I noticed, I make less grammatical mistakes when I write a chapter on the weekend. So, to avoid heartache and pain on grammar loving peanut gallery, I will abstain from writing the seventh chapter till the weekend arrives. However, there will be no guarantee that the chapter will be devoid of grammatical mistakes. I will certainly try though.

Grammar is not the only thing I point out.

What about the poor writing? Are you going to spend any time fixing the first several chapters before piling on to this car wreck?

Cyril
08-13-2009, 07:31 PM
LoL, you know, I might take your insults more seriously if you didn't come off as someone so uneducated that you can't even speak basic english, let alone understand sentence structure, or how to even formulate a basic thought. Comment on my choice of schooling when you're worthy. Until then stop speaking. Every word out of your mouth only makes you out to be even more of a joke then you already are.



Mods since this post had no merit according to the OP himself, can we lock it now please?

The point is, who cares what you have to say. I will repeat one more time, you have to earn the credibility before I will care about your opinion.

I am beginning to have doubts about you going to a law school. I think you are just playing the head game. It is a vampire thing to play the head game as pointed out by you earlier in a different thread.

Cyril
08-13-2009, 07:34 PM
^ Ever heard of live and let live?

If people learned to live and let live then there would be no war and conflict in this world.

Cyril
08-13-2009, 07:37 PM
Grammar is not the only thing I point out.

What about the poor writing? Are you going to spend any time fixing the first several chapters before piling on to this car wreck?

My writing is excellent. Now, are you going to do the proof reading or not? If you want we can send to a publisher and try to get you paid some mullah for the editing work. You are a good proof reader. I am impressed with your proof reading skills.

However, keep in mind, you are not a thinker like I am.

Hopper
08-13-2009, 11:58 PM
^^^ Hopper please feel free to link the post where you've given any feedback, positive or otherwise, related to the Cyril's novel. ::)

I don't have time to read novels. I also don't have time to read through bitchy comments to get to the relevant ones by people who have.

JayATee
08-14-2009, 01:56 AM
I don't have time to read novels. I also don't have time to read through bitchy comments to get to the relevant ones by people who have.

Then ignore me. I've extended you the courtesy, and no one has asked you to comment on my comments. Now be quiet. No one really cares what you have to say anyway. There are no relevant comments here. The OP said so himself. ::)

Besides that Hopper, all you do is post baiting, argumentative posts yourself, so Im disinclined to see your argument as valid anyway. Have a nice day.

Cyril
08-14-2009, 02:04 AM
Then ignore me. I've extended you the courtesy, and no one has asked you to comment on my comments anyway. Now be quiet. No one really cares what you have to say anyway. There are no relevant comments here. The OP said so himself. ::)

The OP was talking about the entire post (of Verf) not the entire thread. There is a difference between "entire post" and "entire thread". You have to learn to comprehend properly.

JayATee
08-14-2009, 02:11 AM
The OP was talking about the entire post (of Verf) not the entire thread. There is a difference between "entire post" and "entire thread". You have to learn to comprehend properly.

The OP? You're speaking in 3rd person now? LoL. Take an english class.

Cyril
08-14-2009, 02:25 AM
The OP? You're speaking in 3rd person now? LoL. Take an english class.

That was a response to a dramatic post of yours. Therefore appropriate language (equally dramatic) was used.

You certainly can use a class in satire.

Hopper
08-14-2009, 02:52 AM
Then ignore me. I've extended you the courtesy, and no one has asked you to comment on my comments. Now be quiet. No one really cares what you have to say anyway. There are no relevant comments here. The OP said so himself. ::)

Besides that Hopper, all you do is post baiting, argumentative posts yourself, so Im disinclined to see your argument as valid anyway. Have a nice day.

The difference is I do it sensibly. Your own inane posts just cause me to have to scroll further and go through more pages to read the others. This happens whether or not we ignore each other. Irrelevant doesn't have to mean stupid or boring.

"I'm disinclined to see your argument as valid"? Maybe you really do study law.

WiseGuy_TX
08-14-2009, 04:18 AM
^You've done nothing but bait him since your first post in this thread. I really can't see what you are getting out of it.


I don't have time to read novels. I also don't have time to read through bitchy comments to get to the relevant ones by people who have....seems you do have time.

Cyril, in your opinion, are there any strippers here enjoying the content of your novel?

Hopper
08-14-2009, 05:01 AM
^I just read one in ten. Don't add to my workload.

verfolgung
08-14-2009, 06:41 AM
My writing is excellent. Now, are you going to do the proof reading or not? If you want we can send to a publisher and try to get you paid some mullah for the editing work. You are a good proof reader. I am impressed with your proof reading skills.

However, keep in mind, you are not a thinker like I am.

Your writing is excellent? Not one person on here has thought so. You can't even garner positive feedback from your buddy Hopper, who apparently has no time to read your drivel. Rather than continuing to delude yourself you should go buy a book on writing, or take a creative writing course. Start with short stories to practice and hone you skills. Until then your just wasting people's time, especially yours. Worse, all you're doing to making yourself look more and more like a fool. Wouldn't your rather gain some honest respect than continued to be ridiculed?

Yes, you are correct. I am not a thinker "like" you, because I actually put some thought into things.

verfolgung
08-14-2009, 06:48 AM
I don't have time to read novels. I also don't have time to read through bitchy comments to get to the relevant ones by people who have.

Whatever dude. The first several chapters are all in the very first post. You don't have to go looking for them, or even have to read the whole thing provide an opinion. Pity, because of anyone here, Cyril would probably value your opinion of his work more than anyone.

JayATee
08-14-2009, 12:15 PM
P.S. JayATee, bring back the old avatar!

Better? LoL. ;)

Cyril
08-14-2009, 08:46 PM
Your writing is excellent? Not one person on here has thought so. You can't even garner positive feedback from your buddy Hopper, who apparently has no time to read your drivel. Rather than continuing to delude yourself you should go buy a book on writing, or take a creative writing course. Start with short stories to practice and hone you skills. Until then your just wasting people's time, especially yours. Worse, all you're doing to making yourself look more and more like a fool. Wouldn't your rather gain some honest respect than continued to be ridiculed?

Yes, you are correct. I am not a thinker "like" you, because I actually put some thought into things.

Well, on the internet anyone can disrespect anyone (unless of course if you are a moderator). So, all you are doing is being a drama queen.

I have never seen a thought provoking post from you and I have been here for a while now.

However, you have a great potential as a proof reader. It is shame that you do not seize on this great opportunity.

Shy_Guy
08-14-2009, 08:58 PM
Better? LoL. ;)


Not bad ;D

Cyril
08-14-2009, 09:14 PM
Not bad ;D

I disagree. This one is actually frightening me. I liked her first avatar though. I do not know why she had to replace that one with these scary ones.

Hopper
08-14-2009, 09:38 PM
^It's not her avatar which scares me. Oops there I go baiting again. We aren't supposed to do that here are we.

WiseGuy_TX
08-14-2009, 09:43 PM
...its scary how much effort is being put into a novel that almost no one has read, even HOPPER.

Hopper
08-14-2009, 10:13 PM
I did say "novels", not "Cyril's novel". Why would I want to READ about strippers? People here who have read Cyril's book and think it's a waste of time are still wasting their time here on it. That's more of an irony than anything else.

Nor are Cyril and I "buddies". I just sided with him to give the trolls a hard way to go. I don't even care if he is a troll himself, since the same people who troll him troll me. If he's a troll, apparently trolls can troll other trolls.

Hopper
08-14-2009, 10:18 PM
Whatever dude. The first several chapters are all in the very first post. You don't have to go looking for them, or even have to read the whole thing provide an opinion. Pity, because of anyone here, Cyril would probably value your opinion of his work more than anyone.

He'd value anyone's if they commented civilly. I think you are all taking it too seriously. It simply doesn't matter if someone drafts a novel badly. It's a work in progress.

Lemonz
08-14-2009, 10:50 PM
Immaculate Love


Chapter – One
In the Making of an Ecdysiast

Meara was heading home from the divine well where she finished her evening prayers. She was a young girl trying to understand the turbulent time befallen on her Celtic tribe. The power struggle between Eoghanacht and Connachta tribes forced her ancestors to keep moving south in search for peace. Her village was just beyond the southern fence of a ring of mountains that surrounded what would become Ireland. Her village was so far away from the north that even the most ambitious of the warrior kings left it alone. It simply was not worth it. But it was not completely serene. There were always fights over cattle and land that spilled over to her world. But the latest story of massacre in the neighboring village of Glaise over cattle frightened her. This deepened her dependency on the divine well she worshipped every evening before going to bed. It is from this well where the name of her village Tobar derives from. She believed the well would protect her against all the evil forces. This faith was reinforced by the relative calm and peace in Tobar.

Tobar was a beautiful village, on a low plain in the southern tip of Celtic land. Inhabitants of Tobar and all the tribes under Eoghanacht were the early Celtic settlers who never accepted the authority of Connachta over the entire island no matter how vigorously it was claimed by Connachta. The village derived its livelihood from goat and sheep farming. Meara’s father and mother ran a small goat and sheep farm. She started to help her mother and father with the farming work, as she grew older. Her father always wished he had a son who would help him look after the goats and sheep on grazing trips because the work was too harsh for a girl like Meara.

Meara was an only child for some strange twist of destiny; her mother was unable to conceive again after the birth of Meara. At the tender age of sixteen, Meara had become an accomplished woman mastering all essential skills one would expect from a woman. She was a fabulous cook. She knew how to make cheese. She knew how to shave sheep. She drew admiration and envy from other parents who wished their daughters were like Meara.

Meara was one in a million. She walked like a gentle ocean wave; there was a rhythm of nonchalant. Her voice was soothing as if it were emanating from a cruitire. Her green eyes were mesmerizing and deep like a lake; they had become a matter of gossip throughout Tobar for possessing magical capabilities. She often laughed at those rumors. Her dark wavy hair rivaled the beauty of the picturesque clouds looming over the mountains. Even the sons of Druids could not resist this beauty of a farmer’s daughter. She was poised to become a woman for whom everything was working even amidst turbulent times.

She reached home and helped her mother with chores. She greeted her father with joy when he got back from the grazing trip and then went to bed with a deep faith that the well would keep her, her family and the entire village of Tobar safe from all the evils of the world.



Okay- I keep seeing this thread pop up and I was finally curious enough to look at it. I skimmed through the posts and read the first chapter. From my understanding, this is supposed to be a story about a stripper falling in love with a customer, correct? So then what do Celtic tribes, making cheese, and shaving sheep have to do with this? I don't see how you could successfully mesh the two together. I'm not trying to be rude, just honest.

When reading this, the advice I've received from many English teachers stuck in my mind. It sounds silly, but sometimes it helps to read your writing outloud. It helps to let you know whether your writing sounds choppy, inconsistent, or redundant- I found the first chapter to be all of the above. There was also poor sentence structure, and I didn't really see a point to the chapter at all. I even read it twice, and I am still missing it. Maybe the story is better in your mind, but you have difficulty expressing it to others on paper? I also think that sometimes certain words or names can take away from the story itself- the tribal names for instance. Instead of focusing on the story, I was focusing more on these names, how to pronounce them, and what they had to do with everything else. I've skimmed chapters two and three as well, and everything seems disconnected. Even if it all ties together later, I would be too bored with it by then to really understand it anyhow. Again, I don't claim to be an excellent writer or anything- just trying to give honest feedback.

Oh, and in mediocrity's defense (I think I've seen a post or two in this thread about her writing)- I've read her blog. I like her writing style, and she keeps it interesting. Interesting enough for me to want to continue reading it. :)

WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 05:25 AM
...he needs to grab attention with some lasers. Rewriting a chapter and introducing a tribe of strippers with laser pussies should fit right in.

http://www.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-12/9521lazerpussy.gif

Cyril
08-15-2009, 11:16 AM
He'd value anyone's if they commented civilly. I think you are all taking it too seriously. It simply doesn't matter if someone drafts a novel badly. It's a work in progress.

I am glad to see someone can think logically on this forum.

On a separate note:

Some of the comments are just hilarious and I simply do not have time to respond to each of them. For example, people are wondering what a Celtic tribe has to do with stripping?

Lemonz
08-15-2009, 11:28 AM
Well, yeah. Did you not say that this story was about a PL and a stripper? So then- what does the first chapter have to do with any of that? Is this a Celtic stripper tribeswoman? Forgive me if I am incorrect.

My comments were civil and honest- if it's bad, it's bad. I'd expect the same honesty if I were to post something that I had written.

Cyril
08-15-2009, 11:51 AM
Well, yeah. Did you not say that this story was about a PL and a stripper? So then- what does the first chapter have to do with any of that? Is this a Celtic stripper tribeswoman? Forgive me if I am incorrect.

My comments were civil and honest- if it's bad, it's bad. I'd expect the same honesty if I were to post something that I had written.

If you are in doubt, it is better to ask the question.

Let me ask you this, why do you think that a Celtic woman cannot be a stripper? (Especially if she is as comely as Meara.)

(I need the support of all the Irish ladies here.)

Cyril
08-15-2009, 12:45 PM
...he needs to grab attention with some lasers. Rewriting a chapter and introducing a tribe of strippers with laser pussies should fit right in.

http://www.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-12/9521lazerpussy.gif


What's up with you and the lasers, home?

Elvia
08-15-2009, 02:34 PM
If you are in doubt, it is better to ask the question.

Let me ask you this, why do you think that a Celtic woman cannot be a stripper? (Especially if she is as comely as Meara.)

(I need the support of all the Irish ladies here.)

I think it has a lot more to do with the time period than the location.

JayATee
08-15-2009, 02:47 PM
Well, yeah. Did you not say that this story was about a PL and a stripper? So then- what does the first chapter have to do with any of that? Is this a Celtic stripper tribeswoman? Forgive me if I am incorrect.

My comments were civil and honest- if it's bad, it's bad. I'd expect the same honesty if I were to post something that I had written.

Not just a stripper and a PL. A celtic, gothic stripper and a PL.... but as yet there's no actual evidence of any of this in the "novel" itself.

Cyril
08-15-2009, 03:20 PM
I think it has a lot more to do with the time period than the location.

There were strippers from the beginning of time. It is the oldest profession.

Cyril
08-15-2009, 03:20 PM
Not just a stripper and a PL. A celtic, gothic stripper and a PL.... but as yet there's no actual evidence of any of this in the "novel" itself.

Patience is a virtue. Just be patient. Please.

(As Hopper said, it is a work in progress.)

Dirty Ernie
08-15-2009, 03:31 PM
There were strippers from the beginning of time. It is the oldest profession.

So much for that whole "I see things from a stripper's perspective" bs, eh?

You and I and everyone else knows what the world's oldest profession is, and your equating it to strippers just proves you're a tool and a troll.

Time for you to disappear.

WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 03:33 PM
There were strippers from the beginning of time. It is the oldest profession....so you are saying "Immaculate Love" is about a PL and a whore.

Cyril
08-15-2009, 03:34 PM
...so you are saying "Immaculate Love" is about a PL and a whore.

Are you saying whores and strippers are the same?

Cyril
08-15-2009, 03:41 PM
So much for that whole "I see things from a stripper's perspective" bs, eh?

You and I and everyone else knows what the world's oldest profession is, and your equating it to strippers just proves you're a tool and a troll.

Time for you to disappear.

It is you who is equating strippers with whores not I. Therefore, you are a troll not I.

It is time for you to post something useful or stay out of the thread.

WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 03:46 PM
It is a love story between a PL and a stripper. It will show triumph of love over greed and lust. It will show two hearts connecting amidst war and darkness; kind of like a lotus blooming from the mud.


Are you saying whores and strippers are the same?...you boxed yourself in a corner on that one. Keep squirming!

Cyril
08-15-2009, 03:51 PM
...you boxed yourself in a corner on that one. Keep squirming!

I am glad that you have not mentioned any laser in the post. That says that you indeed can think out of the box once in a while. Congratulations!

WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 04:11 PM
...try writing your way out of that whore corner. Write the next chapter immediately.

JayATee
08-15-2009, 04:45 PM
...he needs to grab attention with some lasers. Rewriting a chapter and introducing a tribe of strippers with laser pussies should fit right in.

http://www.hotchyx.com/adult-image-hosting-12/9521lazerpussy.gif

There's no sword on her head tho. :(

Hopper
08-15-2009, 05:51 PM
Way too seriously.

Cyril
08-15-2009, 06:04 PM
Lemonz’s post epitomizes the classic peanut gallery I am facing here. She is confounded, where this tribal girl is going to get the clientele since she is living in a secluded tribe. But the thing is, all she has to do is read the Chapter – Two; that will give her plenty of clue as to what is going to happen in the future for Meara.

Alas, she did not read the Chapter – Two but felt a need to criticize the aimed objective of the novel – a love story between a PL and a stripper.

WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 08:30 PM
Lemonz’s post epitomizes the classic peanut gallery I am facing here. She is confounded, where this tribal girl is going to get the clientele since she is living in a secluded tribe. But the thing is, all she has to do is read the Chapter – Two; that will give her plenty of clue as to what is going to happen in the future for Meara.

Alas, she did not read the Chapter – Two but felt a need to criticize the aimed objective of the novel – a love story between a PL and a stripper....as Colonel Potter would say:

"there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way"

Cyril
08-15-2009, 08:41 PM
...as Colonel Potter would say:

"there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way"

Here is a good quote:

"The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.”

- Alexander Jablokov

WiseGuy_TX
08-15-2009, 08:57 PM
...as Colonel Potter would say:

"there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way"...repeat as necessary.

xdamage
08-15-2009, 09:59 PM
It is a love story between a PL and a stripper. It will show triumph of love over greed and lust. It will show two hearts connecting amidst war and darkness; kind of like a lotus blooming from the mud.

The thing is the plot really is just another "Does she really like me fantasy?" in which the PL fantasizes about winning the stripper's heart because she is a stripper, sort of like falling for a Dentist because she is a Dentist, and triumphs by having sex with her for free (cause you know you told us women in love should do that).

But in your case you seem to need to live this old fantasy in the 3rd person, vicariously through a fictional character*, because for some reason you're too afraid to actually go to a SC and experience it directly?

*Just a while ago it was the fictional character "The Owners of The World's Best Strip Club who the Strippers all Love the Best because he is so Good to Them".

So seriously dude. If you love strippers, why not just take some money and go to a SC and experience it for real?

Cyril
08-15-2009, 10:21 PM
The thing is the plot really is just another "Does she really like me fantasy?" in which the PL fantasizes about winning the stripper's heart because she is a stripper, sort of like falling for a Dentist because she is a Dentist, and triumphs by having sex with her for free (cause you know you told us women in love should do that).

But in your case you seem to need to live this old fantasy in the 3rd person, vicariously through a fictional character*, because for some reason you're too afraid to actually go to a SC and experience it directly?

*Just a while ago it was the fictional character "The Owners of The World's Best Strip Club who the Strippers all Love the Best because he is so Good to Them".

So seriously dude. If you love strippers, why not just take some money and go to a SC and experience it for real?

There is a serious problem that I see with your post. You are mixing Cyril with the Immaculate Love. Cyril is off topic. Immaculate Love is on topic.

So, I will attempt to isolate the two and try to respond to your post within the framework of Immaculate Love to keep things on the track.

The lead man has not entered the scene yet. Therefore, you do not know whether he will fall for Meara because she is a stripper or because she is a beautiful woman. Heck, Meara has not become a stripper yet.

I think we are putting the cart before the horse here.