View Full Version : Dating a Jewish guy?
Cyril
08-21-2009, 03:09 PM
I never meant this thread to become a debate that has nothing to do with my original post. Thanks to those who helped and provided interesting/helpful information, though!
Well, that is the way things get evolved here. It became a debate on ethnicity and religion.
This thread has gone wildly off topic. I will respond to the original OP: Step away. When I was in law school I dated a Jewish girl for three years and not once was I invited to meet her parents, despite the fact that they lived only thirty minutes away. I am of Italian descent (Catholic) and my parents are very open-minded but I did sense some unease as well. He is older but the family will always be on the back of his mind. Jewish families are as tight, if not tighter, that Italian ones. As a poster above said, it can get messy. Watch Goodfellas (this matter is a subplot) and ruminate for a bit.
Cyril
08-21-2009, 03:45 PM
Italians vs Jews! That is a new angle.
JayATee
08-21-2009, 04:05 PM
This thread has gone wildly off topic. I will respond to the original OP: Step away. When I was in law school I dated a Jewish girl for three years and not once was I invited to meet her parents, despite the fact that they lived only thirty minutes away. I am of Italian descent (Catholic) and my parents are very open-minded but I did sense some unease as well. He is older but the family will always be on the back of his mind. Jewish families are as tight, if not tighter, that Italian ones. As a poster above said, it can get messy. Watch Goodfellas (this matter is a subplot) and ruminate for a bit.
Ah yes. The true anti-semitic response.
Shy_Guy
08-21-2009, 04:07 PM
I'm just reporting this, they could both be wrong...
Other people who are wrong:
Jewish Genetic Disease Consortium, who have this interesting tidbit in their database: (http://www.jewishgeneticdiseases.org/indexsc.htm?tgt=content/jgds-ml4.htm)
Other ethnic groups in which it occurs:
Non-Jewish
Lemonz
08-21-2009, 04:08 PM
I've never seen Goodfellas. He isn't that close with his family- his parents drive him nuts. He also invited me to a family wedding, but I don't think I can make it. I'd like to go, though...!
Earl_the_Pearl
08-21-2009, 04:37 PM
I think you're taking things a bit out of context. Have you ever read the old testament? Or are you just going off what the new one says about the old?The Talmud is Judaism's holiest book (actually a collection of books). Its authority takes precedence over the Old Testament in Judaism. Evidence of this may be found in the Talmud itself, Erubin 21b (Soncino edition): "My son be more careful in the observance of the words of the Scribes than in the words of the Torah (Old Testament)."
The supremacy of the Talmud over the Bible in the Israeli state may also be seen in the case of the black Ethiopian Jews. Ethiopians are very knowledgeable of the Old Testament. However, their religion is so ancient it pre-dates the Scribes' Talmud, of which the Ethiopians have no knowledge.
Because they do not have a Talmudic tradition the black Ethiopian Jews are forbidden to perform marriages, funerals and other services in the Israeli state.
Elvia
08-21-2009, 06:07 PM
When my (Jewish?) friends say they are "non-practicing" or "secular" "Jews" because they don't adhere to the doctrines and theology of the Jewish faith, are they still Jewish?
Yes.
Why wouldn't you marry a non-Jew, if your children would be Jews regardless? Why must your husband also be a Jew? (I'm not being judgmental with this question, just curious.)
Because it would just be too different. religion is an important part of my life, and I would want to share that with my husband. I want someone who's going to celebrate the holidays and have it be meaningful for the both of us. I want someone who's going to fully participate in all aspects of Jewish living.
jack0177057
08-21-2009, 07:20 PM
^ Thanks for your answers.
Ah yes. The true anti-semitic response.
Charging me with anti-Semitism is grossly unfair. I simply related an anecdote in a direct response to a question from the OP – who I am sure is kind of regretting having asked the question in the first place. What was anti-Semitic about my comment? That I dated a Jewish girl for three years? I loved her. That her family did not like me because I was not Jewish? Not anti-Semitic, just a fact that the girl told me. That is was kind of weird to my family? Not anti-Semitic. My family was open to it. Randomly bandying about accusatory words like “Anti Semitic” is not only unfair but weakens their meaning. I wish the mods would close this thread. And I did not change this into an Italian versus Jewish thread. That was Cyril, our resident author.
eagle2
08-22-2009, 09:05 PM
The Talmud is Judaism's holiest book (actually a collection of books). Its authority takes precedence over the Old Testament in Judaism. Evidence of this may be found in the Talmud itself, Erubin 21b (Soncino edition): "My son be more careful in the observance of the words of the Scribes than in the words of the Torah (Old Testament)."
The supremacy of the Talmud over the Bible in the Israeli state may also be seen in the case of the black Ethiopian Jews. Ethiopians are very knowledgeable of the Old Testament. However, their religion is so ancient it pre-dates the Scribes' Talmud, of which the Ethiopians have no knowledge.
Because they do not have a Talmudic tradition the black Ethiopian Jews are forbidden to perform marriages, funerals and other services in the Israeli state.
No, it doesn't. In the Jewish Religion, the Torah takes precedence over any other book or writing.
eagle2
08-22-2009, 09:15 PM
I never meant this thread to become a debate that has nothing to do with my original post. Thanks to those who helped and provided interesting/helpful information, though!
Hi Lemonz,
To respond to your original post, if you really do love him, my advice would be to continue with the relationship unless he tells you otherwise. As to whether or not he would consider a serious relationship or marriage with someone who isn't Jewish, the only who can answer that is him. Different Jewish men have different feelings about whether or not they would marry someone who isn't Jewish. There are plenty of Jewish men who would marry someone who isn't Jewish and others who won't. For this generation of Jews, marrying someone who isn't Jewish is much more acceptable than it was in older generations, except maybe for the Orthodox Jews. As for me, if I fell in love with someone and wanted to marry her, it wouldn't make any difference to me whether or not she is Jewish. I can't speak for other Jewish men and I don't think anyone else can. It all depends on how your boyfriend feels.
Laurisa
09-21-2009, 06:09 PM
I dated a Jewish guy for two years, he was very sweet. Ultimately it was me that broke it off, because of my own immaturity. I don't see religion as a reason to not date someone.
Elvia
09-21-2009, 06:12 PM
^^^ I think it can be a very good reason to not date someone. If religion is an important part of someone's life, and they would ultimately like to get married and share their religion with their partner, then it might be a bad idea to keep dating people who aren't a match.
Laurisa
09-21-2009, 06:21 PM
If you care about each other and can accept your differences, then you should be just fine. If someone is religious and chooses not to have sex because of it, you have to be willing to accept that until you get married. I've seen religion tear people apart or not affect them at all.
-Laurisa
Elvia
09-21-2009, 06:34 PM
For a lot of people, Judaism isn't just going to your place of worship once a week. It's a huge part of your life. It involves religious elements and cultural elements. For a lot of people it's part of their daily life.
Sure, if people can accept each others differences and are fine with that, more power to them. But I think it's fair to also accept that it might be a compatibility issue for some people as well. I personally wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't Jewish, so I can understand others not wanting to date people who don't share their religion as well.
Laurisa
09-21-2009, 07:22 PM
I'm aethiest and I dated a jewish man for two years. I celebrated Hannukah with his family and all because it's what he wanted. I loved him enough to put my own preferences aside.
eagle2
09-22-2009, 07:38 PM
For a lot of people, Judaism isn't just going to your place of worship once a week. It's a huge part of your life. It involves religious elements and cultural elements. For a lot of people it's part of their daily life.
Sure, if people can accept each others differences and are fine with that, more power to them. But I think it's fair to also accept that it might be a compatibility issue for some people as well. I personally wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't Jewish, so I can understand others not wanting to date people who don't share their religion as well.
Hi Elvia,
Are you very religious? Do you go to synagogue often?
Earl_the_Pearl
09-24-2009, 04:45 PM
I personally wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't Jewish, so I can understand others not wanting to date people who don't share their religion as well.
May I ask do they have to be ethnically Jewish or can they be like Sammy Davis Jr.?
KiwiStrawberry Splenda
09-25-2009, 10:29 PM
For the record, judaism is widely considered to be an ethnic designation in addition to a religion. I'm going to quote Wiki here, because the information is condensed. I know its not the best source, but anyone can do a small amount of research and find the supporting basis:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_ethnic_divisions
Genetic studies of DNA
See also: Y-chromosomal Aaron, Genealogical DNA test, and Matrilineality
Despite the evident diversity displayed by the world's distinct Jewish populations, both culturally and physically, genetic studies have demonstrated most of these to be genetically related to one another, having ultimately originated from a common ancient Israelite population that underwent geographic branching and subsequent independent evolutions.[3]
Whatever you want to believe about Judaism, just because one is a jew doesn't mean they are the all-knowing authority about its definition.
Djoser
09-27-2009, 11:12 AM
When I was in law school I dated a Jewish girl for three years and not once was I invited to meet her parents, despite the fact that they lived only thirty minutes away.
Oh wow, that's not so friendly, no.
I was with a Jewish girl in college and a couple years after. We visited her parents all the time in NYC. The mother was a totally stereotypical jewish mother, but loved me. The father was one of the most atypical Jewish men I have ever met, but hated my guts and used to say nasty things all the time, pretending to joke about it but being a fucking asshole.
Not because I was a goy though, he was just the really jealous daddy type, like a bit weird about it. He was actually totally opposed to Israeli foreign policy, thought they were fascists and would get upset and yell about it. After a while I hated visiting NYC because of the shit he used to pull all the time (not the politics, I didn't care about that part).
Anyway sorry I digress here.
dancersrights
12-07-2009, 02:34 AM
dude get out before you become even more hooked. I have some awesome Jewish friends who give a damn about who they date from what religion. BUT i have also dated men who simply saw me as a fun time girl to my dismay... closed minded people will not go outside the box. His box is to marry Jewish women.
flickad
01-26-2010, 09:28 AM
CIA factbook.
you merely keep repeating yourself as if just by you saying it, it is fact.
You are right that Judaism = faith, but Jewish can equal ethnicity
The ADL quote came right from their website.
She's right. You can't convert to an ethnicity but you can convert to a religion. I can't decide to become Japanese but I can decide to become Jewish.
flickad
01-26-2010, 09:40 AM
I can see this being the case with the Jewish faith, but maybe a little less so with the nation of Israel (the nationality, culture, ethnic group, etc.)... But, I'll withdraw my argument and accept what you say, as you obviously have more personal knowledge.
When my (Jewish?) friends say they are "non-practicing" or "secular" "Jews" because they don't adhere to the doctrines and theology of the Jewish faith, are they still Jewish?
Why wouldn't you marry a non-Jew, if your children would be Jews regardless? Why must your husband also be a Jew? (I'm not being judgmental with this question, just curious.)
It's the same as being a lapsed Catholic, or a lapsed anything else. 'Lapsed' is different from outright rejecting a religion though.
Lemonz
03-03-2010, 10:58 PM
I forgot about this thread...!^ I'm not so sure his box is to marry another Jewish woman- we're still together. He took me to Mexico for my birthday and we just had the dreaded 'kids' conversation not too long ago. Seems to be interested in me long term- even invited me to his nephew's bris, but I didn't feel it was my place to go.