View Full Version : Leave BF ? Oh and stupid crush on roomate situation too!
mediocrity
01-27-2010, 01:28 AM
I'm not good at this. The guy that was molesting me in the theatre didn't send an email ( he has this info ) . I will see him at another get together tomorrow, but I don't like questioning this stuff. I've been accused of being too aloof and I'm trying to do a good balance. I always seem to play too hard to get until I run them off, so I do kind of want to let him know he's sparked my interest. I guess I'll just have to see how tomorrow goes. I'm STILL trying to figure out if he's "that guy" . You know ..... the one that just always hits of friends and friends ( the guy who tries with everyone ). I don't want "That guy". I only want him if he's really interested in ME, so I need to do re-con. Maybe I'll just figure out if he's a good kisser tomorrow before I invest more time. Or is that a bad idea to kiss without even a "Real" date?
Girl.
One: You're making me dizzy.
Two: If you like him, tell him.
Three: If you want him, call him.
Do not fall prey to the See You Later Complex. Keep it straight up and you've got this shit in the bag.
carmen_b
01-28-2010, 06:47 PM
It turned out ... I was straight and real. I wanted to see a Sundance movie ....
Most awesome cuddles and kisses in the theatre ..........
I invited myself back to his place after making out on the sidewalk for 15 min.
He's a very good kisser / cuddler / squeeze you really tight guy, so I got my prize.
I can't spoon feed him our next get together. He's going to have to step up and do something ....
;)
carmen_b
01-28-2010, 09:45 PM
Oh man ....... my best friend is making me feel like SHIT. I told her I slept over at his house and that ONLY making out occured - nothing beyond that. She is really making me feel bad. I haven't had a proper make out session in 3 YEARS. Yes ...seriously .... about that. I guess she's right. I guess I shouldn't have invited myself over. Whatever. It's done.
mediocrity
01-31-2010, 12:31 PM
^^ And you give a rat's ass what she thinks BECAUSE?
^^ And you give a rat's ass what she thinks BECAUSE?
Seriously, who cares what she thinks? you enjoyed yourself and did nothing wrong, fuck the haters.
mediocrity
01-31-2010, 12:53 PM
^^ Yeah really. WTF is up with all of these unspoken laws and rules? Do what you want who gives a fuck.
carmen_b
02-01-2010, 01:00 PM
Since I haven't dated in 6 years...I'm out of practice. What is the general turn around time for a call to get together next ? Like .... if he's wants to see you ..... how long is normal to wait between calls or get togethers ? Since I pounced on R with the movie invite , I feel like he has to invite me to the next thing. Is this right ?
Since I haven't dated in 6 years...I'm out of practice. What is the general turn around time for a call to get together next ? Like .... if he's wants to see you ..... how long is normal to wait between calls or get togethers ? Since I pounced on R with the movie invite , I feel like he has to invite me to the next thing. Is this right ?
If you want to talk to him call him, if you want to see him ask him out. Stop worrying about whats right and proper or whos turn it is to do what and do what makes YOU happy without games or rules.
mediocrity
02-01-2010, 06:27 PM
If you want to talk to him call him, if you want to see him ask him out. Stop worrying about whats right and proper or whos turn it is to do what and do what makes YOU happy without games or rules.
Exacccctly.
Truth be told J does 75% of the contacting, but we share the planning. And if I want to call him, I do. Easy peasy.
Oh and this "handed" thing? Nonononono. Thinking of it in terms of that will sabotage you. Just.. don't think about it.
I could write a huge post about that but I have to organise my thoughts first.
mediocrity
02-01-2010, 06:36 PM
Ah .... thanks guys.
Normally ...... I'd have the guy work a little harder, but under the circumstances ..... whatever .
I think R is trouble though ...... there were a few red flags he purposefully seemed to be throwing up. He has a female friend in town now. I think there is probably a 50/50 chance they are just friends ........ I seriously have no idea. He says " he's already determined "nothing will happen " there. He also referenced an expensive dinner that he bought the two of them ( red flag unless he's just running his mouth or showing off ? ).
I'm not going to "get" the last 3-4 years (the shaky ones) that I took on M back. I just have to make the best of this situation. I'll have to make a new plan now. I didn't think past just promising myself a hot make out session if I finally got the balls to leave! I have no plan now. I get emotionally attached, so if I get even a whiff that R wants me somewhere in a harem of chicks or that he's sleezy, I'll suss it out before I get hurt. Why do STD's have to be a part of life? I just want to go fuck him and I can't! It's just a novelty to me to be with a guy who knows what the hell he is doing.
I did go on another date on Sat. with someone else, but I was feeling more a friendship connection v.s. romance connection. on that one.
Whoa.
Ok, here it goes. I know I talk about my relationship a lot but it's my current frame of reference.
So J has a TON, and I do mean a TON of girl friends. Matter or fact when I was working last Friday he took five girls downtown for one of their birthdays. He and the birthday girl are super close. He also paid for drinks. More relevantly, his best friend is his first girlfriend. They go out sometimes. He pays sometimes.
Bottom line: WHO CARES? He says he has determined nothing will happen? Believe him. Face value. Men don't generally do hidden meaning crap.
In my opinion, you are WTF'ing all over the place about nothing. Why do you need a plan? Sit back and let shit happen NATURALLY.
carmen_b
02-01-2010, 10:10 PM
Nice. Thanks.
wanderlust08
02-03-2010, 05:39 AM
Ditch the current BF regardless, seems you're using him as a comfort object rather than actually having him as a boyfriend.
Don't pursue roomie, even casually. Things get messy when you live together.
Let me tell you girl; go outside your scope of friends, room mate etc, to date.
There is nothing like that new boyfriend smell. :)
I laughed so hard when I read "new boyfriend smell". :rotfl:
And speaking from wayyyy too much experience in the screwing roommates department...don't do it. Drama city. Don't bang ex-roommates either, also drama city. Unless it's been more than a year, then it might be okay.
carmen_b
02-03-2010, 10:02 AM
Wanderlust :
I'm glad I'm not the only one trying to nail my roomates! Do tell ............
It just worked out that I got really hot ones. Another one has moved in now ( a tall engineer ..... 6'3'' .... yummy ). Don't worry - I haven't made a move.
carmen_b
02-04-2010, 12:24 PM
I ended up channeling my frustration with men into taking their money in the club! There were oil worker men paying me $20 pretty consistently. ;)
Quinnie
02-04-2010, 12:51 PM
I think you did the right thing. I think you're a little bit in rebound mode and need to be angsty and get out and be yourself for a bit and find yourself again and get calm ... and then the right guy will be there and it'll be just right. And you won't have to spin your gears so much, ya know?
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 12:09 AM
Ah damn ........ I think I lost him. He's commenting on other people facebooks ect. and not even reaching out to me. Oh well.
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 12:13 AM
Girl, just send him a message and stop obsessing over every little thing!
Along the lines of:
"Hey R!
Was just wondering what your schedule is like this week- I had a great time the last time we went out and would love to hang out again! I'm off on day X, X, and X if any of those work for you. Have a great day and I am sure I will talk to you soon.
Carmen"
That over thinking is going to run off a LOT of guys if you can't learn to keep it in check. Trust me- they can sense that stuff.
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 12:20 AM
^ I get it ...... but really ........ shouldn't he as the MAN reach out to me ?
I mean ..... if I spoon feed him every little thing ..... of course he'll hang out with me.
I don't want him to just hang out with me. I want him to date me / pursue me.
Your note does look really good.
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 12:26 AM
^ I get it ...... but really ........ shouldn't he as the MAN reach out to me ?
I mean ..... if I spoon feed him every little thing ..... of course he'll hang out with me.
I don't want him to just hang out with me. I want him to date me / pursue me.
Thanks for your reply, but I may not have the balls for this. Instead I will drive to wyoming and get more money.
What does his being the man have anything to do with it? I believe in egalitarianism. Maybe he thinks you just wanted to make out with him. Did you express any interest beyond that? Did you at any point mention that you like him, or think he's awesome or throw out any other indicators of interest? You yourself said you promised yourself a "hot makeout session", so did the feelings develop after you fooled around with him? If so your energy may confuse him.
I know you want him to date you but guys are a little slower than that. You also have to understand that even if he does go out on dates with you, he may not date you exclusively until some time has passed. I have done it both ways- I moved in with my ex husband 24hrs after I met him, and I waited some time with other boys before I decided I wanted to negotiate a relationship with them. Saying "hang out" if the equivalent of a man asking a girl out for coffee- nice, unassuming, no pressure, leaves things open.
You are going to drive yourself batshit. You're going to end up Facebook'ing him to check on his activity, and set yourself up for disappointment.
PS. MEN DON'T TAKE HINTS. You have say what you want, say what you mean, and mean what you say.
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 12:30 AM
I thought that me saying " get in touch with me " WAS the green light that I liked him.
I can't check his activity - his account is locked . I can see the photos there though.
I appreciate your replies even though I'm kind of embarrased already for writing this stuff. My best friend has turned into a major man hater and she's it in my life for discussing stuff like this. I need more girlfriends, but she's all I've got right now.
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 12:34 AM
That's terribly impersonal. Not even a warm greeting?
Whatevs. I guess different people have different styles. I just am really versed in Guy and can see how he would see it, I guess.
So you're not even Facebook friends? How well do you know him?
And I say "Get in touch with me" to my best friend.
On a level, I get it- today I spoke to J only briefly as opposed to our normal daily marathon video chats, and I'm a little weepy because I am PMS'ing. Sure, I want to call him and be all WHAT IS WRONGGGG but- I know nothing is wrong, and he confessed to me today he was very tired due to a taxing work week. It isn't always about us. ;)
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 12:39 AM
He's not photogenic. He barely even looks like himself in half his photos.
Oh man ...... I wish I could post the one where he is forging a chest high river holding his mountain bike up. That's hot.
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 12:41 AM
^^ I edited, sorry probably whilst you were posting. But what does that have to do with how well you know him?
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 12:44 AM
See ..... that's me ....... maybe there is something wrong with me, but I want don't want to make the moves.
I feel like he should add me if he wants to.
I'm not a big facebooker anyway ........ my profile is barely even there and I think I have two whole photos there.
You are right. It isn't always about us for sure. You must have distance between you right now with the video chats I'm assuming ?
Maybe I'm being too hard on him. I think no one wants to make a move. No one wants to be the "Rejected " one among our friends!
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 12:49 AM
See ..... that's me ....... maybe there is something wrong with me, but I want don't want to make the moves.
I feel like he should add me if he wants to.
I'm not a big facebooker anyway ........ my profile is barely even there and I think I have two whole photos there.
You are right. It isn't always about us for sure. You must have distance between you right now with the video chats I'm assuming ?
Twenty miles. He works about 6 days a week, he sleeps over roughly two nights a week. He likes me to "go to work" with him (video chat while he works) and "browse the web" together (we get on skype and he shares his screen and shows me cool websites he likes) when he doesn't have the time to come down here. He keeps regular hours so sometimes it can prove to be inconvenient. We just spent two days together in Dallas ( met the family and friends!) so we won't get together until Sunday as I was called in tomorrow on a favour by my former manager.
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 12:52 AM
^Nice.
How about :
" It would be nice to hang out again. Interested? "
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 12:59 AM
Oh ..... I just read your blog post " Dear Work" ..... nice! You need to set it up so people can leave Anon. comments. I tried to leave one, but I had to choose a platform ( I had none of them ).
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 01:21 AM
^^ Oh really? I had no idea I had to do that.
And it takes hanging out more than once to solidify dating status. The best things are worth waiting on and doing right. I speak from experience.
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 01:32 AM
Well ........ I guess sending him one more green light even though I considered my " get in touch with me " comment *a giant fucking GREEN light* wouldn't hurt anyone.
I would be willing to bet a hundred dollars he thinks of that as offhanded. When J and I went out the first time, (granted he spent the night- thought I blew it but it worked out) I said "I had a great time last night, seriously. I think you're awesome and we should totally go out again. What days are you off?" to which he replied "Definitely. I work mostly during the week, but I will see if I can get together with you Sunday."
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 01:52 AM
Ok ......... to his " lets go grab a beverage " note from Oct., I'm sending:
Hi R:
Yes .... I think we should go grab a beverage. That would be fun.
Carmen ;)
How has your week been?
^ Is it ok ?
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 02:08 AM
Ok ......... to his " lets go grab a beverage " note from Oct., I'm sending:
Hi R:
Yes .... I think we should go grab a beverage. That would be fun.
Carmen ;)
How has your week been?
^ Is it ok ?
Good job!
Sorry, doing online coursework, sort of in and out over here.
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 02:09 AM
Thanks Coach !
mediocrity
02-06-2010, 02:13 AM
^^ No problem. And if he doesn't accept who cares. There's tons of men out there.
Too bad you aren't in Austin or I'd take you out and show you how it's done. Muahaha.
carmen_b
02-06-2010, 10:21 AM
He wrote back this note .....
You reckon ;) Work week was/is long. I'm at work atm.
Half day and then will try and make the dinner this
evening. Next week is going to be the same since we
have a release date of next Monday...
And your week?
carmen_b
02-07-2010, 03:21 PM
^ So ....... he didn't ask me out in his reply. That's three green lights from me.
1. responding to his theatre moves / making out
2. " get in touch "
3. - me sending that email.
I should just leave it alone right ?
mediocrity
02-09-2010, 02:50 AM
Carmen, babe. I adore you, but you're making me want to beat my head into a wall.
Easy breezy, gal. Srsly.