View Full Version : Strip club regulars- problems with being intimate in relationships?
Earl_the_Pearl
10-25-2009, 10:14 PM
Wouldn't that be exploitation of the customer?
Come into my parlor said the spider to the PL.
Earl_the_Pearl
10-25-2009, 10:17 PM
I wouldn't agree that the majority of men in a SC have intimacy issues. I do think there a minority of people who are really socially inept, and for that reason have difficulty establishing intimacy with women they meet in their daily lives. Which leads them to try to establish intimacy with the dancers.
Do you think having one's balls chopped off by a castrating self serving women with the backing of a family court controlled by women that hate men would send some into the den of despair?
Golden_Rule
10-26-2009, 01:08 AM
GR says he'd pay directly anyway for the benefit of clarity, and I believe him, but most people I've met would tag a direct payment as 'loser' (actually both giving and receiving). There is a fairly complex status factor that goes on that has people associating one's ability to have "free sex" with success, which leads into...
Yes, but I would be willing to wager that many of those people haven't experienced a whole lot of "free sex" in their life times. They don't know just how entangled and complicated "free sex" can actually become.
My point is that if more people experienced "free sex" the way I have there'd be more men gladly willing to pay for it if they wanted more than they were getting at home and NOT having affairs instead.
To me there is nothing that says "loser" in having the resources to take the most effectie line between two points. When you can get precisely what you want with minimal pain caused to all involved, and everyone has at least the opportunity to come away with what they want in the transaction, that's a winning scenario in my book. :)
In fact, to me the losers are the man and woman entering into a situation where one knows he has nothing to offer because he's never leaving his wife but will allow the woman to think so, and the other is deluding herself into thinking their is a future with a man who would do that.
Well, if you ask people I've often heard them say "It is not easy to get sex". We've also debated if it is easier for men or women statistically and many women said it is not easier. How can the sexes see it so differently?
I don't know about the latter but I can truly tell you the former is incorrect. As a man it is incredibly easy to get sex, if sex is actually all you want. Finding true love from a good friend, partner and companion is difficult.
As a man all you need to get sex is 1) confidence, 2) the ability to communicate your needs in a nonthreatening manner that puts women at ease, 3) have some minimal resources and know how to use them, 4) find the women whose needs and or desires fit what you actually have to offer. 5) square dealing to establish trust and confidence in each others good will. Actually it isn't that much different than what is required to get a "regular" date in a lot of ways.
A post on any of the sugar daddy sites or CL casual encounters [NOT adult services] and the time to weed through the pros to get to the co-eds, MILFs, and in the clubs - strippers, who are willing to exchange a good time dining, shopping, theater, maybe some travel, cosmopolitan company and some pin money [not truly a lot of money when all is said and done] for sex are amazing.
When you average this out against what pros want for an evening based on their hourly rates the figure is actually very reasonable and frequently quite a bit less expensive. Well within the range of any well to do or upper middle-class man whose bills are paid and is not bogged down with debt.
And the twist to it all is that because these women DO NOT see themselves as professional sex providers they do not, or can not, see me as a client/john. Therefore they don't treat me like one either, and I certainly don't treat them like hookers. We have legitimate, no strings attached, fun and I remain relatively anonymous [I certainly give up some of myself in the exchange but can limit it so that no one is knocking on my door or calling me when I don't want to be called] and shield myself from the very messy baggage that affairs bring with them.
Again, from my perspective it comes down to the knowledge that people who give something expect something in return for it, and since I am very limited in what I am willing to give [either because I don't want to or its committed elsewhere] I give what I can give: a little time, some urbane fun and amusement, sometimes a little mentoring, but mostly gifts and money. In return I get good company, passionate/very "non-professional" style sex with attractive women, who leave when it is finished and don't seek me out until I've called them first.
Elvia
10-26-2009, 06:23 PM
Do you think having one's balls chopped off by a castrating self serving women with the backing of a family court controlled by women that hate men would send some into the den of despair?
Does this have anything to do with the quote you attached it to? Or is this just another random outburst?
AznExtasy
10-27-2009, 12:17 AM
That was a funny outburst!!! Made me lol!
Earl_the_Pearl
10-27-2009, 10:47 AM
Does this have anything to do with the quote you attached it to? Or is this just another random outburst?~
Yes.
Elvia
10-27-2009, 03:24 PM
I don't think the "socially inept" people are rendered that way over a bad divorce, no. You get the impression that the truly socially inept who really can't see what is and isn't appropriate have probably always been that way. The bitter divorces *ahem*are a different breed.
Me thinks someone is once again bringing his own baggage to the conversation.
jack0177057
10-27-2009, 06:11 PM
Do you think a high percentage of strip club regular cumstomers have intimcay issues?
By intimacy issues do you mean (1) they can't get a girlfriend or (2) they have trouble with relationships?
As far as (2), relationship are hard - doesn't everybody have relationships troubles? When my relationships are sailing smoothly, I find myself not going to the SC for long periods of time. If I can get great LDs from my GF plus all the "extras" I desire, what's the point of going to a SC?
But, when it gets rough and I get frustrated and disillusioned with my relationships, I head to the SC... It's nice to have a place to go where you can see beautiful women naked and feel their touch (in a limited way) without all the drama of a real relationship.
I guess some people (male and female) might reach a point where they get so frustrated and disillusioned with relationships that they just give up entirely. If you're a male and you give up on relationships, but you need to continue looking at a woman's body and feeling a woman's touch -- and don't have the time, energy, confidence or looks to pick up one-night stands at the local bar - then you resort to non-extras dancers (with limited touching), extras dancers or prostitutes.
jack0177057
10-30-2009, 01:02 PM
Example A:
J is a strip club junkie. He is obese, and unattractive in every way, but tries to keep up with fashion trends, he decks himself out in Ed Hardy and diamond bezel Rolexes, and has a ton of money. He married a virgin, a female version of him, and has a 13 year old daughter, but divorced his wife to pursue a relationship with "Delicious". When "Delicious" didn't work out, he met another dancer, Hailey. He then married her, tried to keep up with the trendy party lifestyle, didn't pay child support in order to buy her all the plastic surgery she wanted. Hailey used to read hateful emails from his daughter, and she felt bad. J soon went bankrupt. Flat broke. Inevitably, he divorced Hailey. Now, Hailey would have never given J the time of day if he wasn't blowing obscene amounts of money on her in the club. J was so full of himself, he really thought he was good looking and charming enough to have a girl like Hailey. In the end, he hits rock bottom. This is a true story, Hailey is a girl I worked with, and a friend.
Now, what I want to know is, how can guys like this NOT look in the mirror and realize that they will never get a girl like that IRL, and they need to realize the score and get with someone on their level. Are guys really this full of themselves and delusional? And why is it always the most unattractive men that are like this? This is a huge pet peeve of mine, as I have had quite a few customers like this. I just want to slap the shit out them. They REALLY think I want to get with them. Hello????!!!!
not to go off topic, but I think this pertains to the OP
Guys like J are stupid for getting married to girls like Delicious... But, they're not going to date a version of themselves (fat and ugly - with 0% social appeal). Rich people are used to getting high-quality premium stuff.
What I would do if I was fat, ugly and rich is have the hottest escorts at my beck and call on a rotation basis. They would always be nice to me and ready to pamper me and the cost of high-class escorts is very reasonable when compared to a gold-digging wife like Delicious.
Maybe it wouldn't be a fairy-tale love-story existence, but I've never seen Hugh Heffner cry about lacking true love.
laurcon
11-08-2009, 07:45 PM
This is my first post.
This site is fascinating!
So, the topic suggests that a guy who frequents a strip club might being doing so because he has problems being intimate in relationships? Who would lead anyone to believe that any kind of meaningful relationship could exist ITC or OTC? Why would anyone lead the customer to think that one could/did/does exist? Wouldn't that be exploitation of the customer?
^ wouldn't you be a troll?
Earl_the_Pearl
11-08-2009, 11:05 PM
^ wouldn't you be a troll?
That is the best you can do? I thought his post was an intellegent question.
No one could counter his assumption.
"Wouldn't you be a troll" is not a very good attempt. "It is balloon" is so much more intelligent and relevant.
The only hope for dancers is to have the truth banned.
laurcon
11-09-2009, 01:13 PM
That is the best you can do? I thought his post was an intellegent question.
No one could counter his assumption.
"Wouldn't you be a troll" is not a very good attempt. "It is balloon" is so much more intelligent and relevant.
The only hope for dancers is to have the truth banned.
intelligent? very. well the answer is i think it can exist. so that's why i don't understand why some one would be asking the question. i don't think customers are stupid enough to get exploited.
what truth are you referring to earl?
and btw, dangrese is supposedly a female even though in "her" three posts she suggests customers are being exploited, dancers should try wearing flats, and dancers should adjust their attitudes towards customers in order to receive better treatment from them...
charlie61
11-09-2009, 01:30 PM
Obviously, since I'm not a strip club customer, I can't really put my two cents in.
However, in my humble opinion, I do think there is a possibility (of course) that you'll find more men with intimacy problems in a strip club. You know...SC's kind of attract those kinds of people. Similar to the expectation that you'll find more people with intimacy problems in therapist's offices, in bars getting drunk, etc. etc.
However, I wouldn't necessarily generalize this. I think the vast majority of us have some kind of intimacy problem.
Also, to answer JD's post on the first page about why guys think we want to date them... I don't think the majority of SC customers actually think we would date them. However, they enjoy being able to pretend as if it could happen. For a couple of hours out of their regular work weeks, they can step inside these places and forget (if the stripper is doing her job properly) that he is someone who probably couldn't date us. I think if you confronted these customers with the 'raw truth', they would blush, feel terrible, and admit openly that there isn't an actual possibility there.
Now, of course, I'm not talking about the customers who try to find our prices or actually pursue contact with us outside of work. I'm just talking about the vast majority I meet.
xdamage
11-09-2009, 01:54 PM
However, in my humble opinion, I do think there is a possibility (of course) that you'll find more men with intimacy problems in a strip club. You know...SC's kind of attract those kinds of people. Similar to the expectation that you'll find more people with intimacy problems in therapist's offices, in bars getting drunk, etc. etc.
However, I wouldn't necessarily generalize this. I think the vast majority of us have some kind of intimacy problem.
I'm a believer that we humans are pretty good at seeing patterns including in each other, even if generalizations sometimes go to extremes, if enough people see a pattern there is often some truth mixed in there.
The problem is it cuts both ways and we read a lot of stereotypes that say everyone in SCs, both dancers and customers have problems. I'm not really opposed to the notion, but it's telling also that we humans tend to see other's groups patterns or problems but not our own. Anyway as usual I love your fair mindedness and your note that it might go both ways. Kudos for trying to see it from multiple PoVs.
As a total side (but related) thought... many religious people argue that masturbation is bad because people that do so avoid intimacy with others, wanting instead a quick physical fix. Their argument seems surprisingly similar to the general mindset that has us going "hmm" about guys who spend too much time in SCs and not enough dating/in-relationships, choosing the quick easy fix over the longer/slower path.
You cannot generalize all the customers into one group although there do appear to be several very distinct types of customers
Lonely & Shy - Guys that find it hard to make friends especially girlfriends but are genuinely good guys, these guys quite often become regulars & faithful to their chosen girl.
Out on the town - A group of guys out for a good time usually only good for a dance or two.
Business Travelers - While the Cats away! These guys can be a goldmine usually just regular guys married or with GF's but looking for a good time while away on expenses.
Big Men - In their minds anyway, Givaway is the money clip or roll. They want to be seen with a good looking girl or girls on their arm. If any group was insecure this is the one they rely on the money clip to make friends. Usually good tippers but not so much into the VIP rooms but expect the "I would like to buy you dinner" line or the proposition.
Just my observations
stressed
11-09-2009, 03:57 PM
Issues I have a lot of…Mostly just the fact that I don’t like most people and everyone has a game. When you CONSTANTLY deal with people that try to get you to succumb to their will, it gets very annoying. It is like you can never be yourself. You always have to put on a happy face like you want them to think that you are hanging on their every word and that nothing is more important to you than making them feel like they are getting exactly what they wanted. All the time you are trying to make sure that when they leave you have bled them dry of ever last dollar they had dedicated to your product. If your good you can get them to upgrade and push them over their original intended amount. I am sure this sounds very familiar to a lot of dancers out there. That is one of the big draws for me. I love my work so much that it cost me my family.:'( Issues—yeah—lots and lots of issues. I believe people are drawn to others that are of the same mindset. I do not take my clothes off for others but I do play the games and have picked up a few pointers just by watching some of the masters at clubs. Jd and Carly are two such masters. JD denies it, but that is just part of her game.:P
I saw one post of how if he could he wouldn’t spend the money. What about time? Money can be spent or horded, its all in how you value it. You can go in the club and spend 5 hours and 100.00---big deal. Money should never be a issue when going to a club---if it is—don’t go! That would be like going to a candy store with monopoly money---whats the use. Time is a precious commodity. I cannot bring myself to leave work and go home and do mundane things. I can use such time to accomplish things that are important to me. Its hard for me to sleep more than 6 hours cause when I wake I immediately start thinking of work. If anything my waste at the club would be my time. I only say that because at home between 10-2pm I am usually working on my computer at home. Which is why 99% of the time it is during road trips that I go to clubs. Every once in a while I will treat myself to a weekend with unrelated work. Case in point this past weekend with JD. But I still was on my way to see a Saints game. Both were entertainment(one of which I enjoyed immensely more than the other);D, but my time was perfectly set and I felt it was put to good use, except for one part where I was waiting for over a hour for someone to show up in a crowded restaurant where everyone kept looking at me like that poor schlub got stood up.:-[ Talk about the perfect scene for a movie…but I digress.
Anyway I took the OP post as a semi attempt to find out what a dancer believes is the reasoning that a man comes into a club. I do believe everyone is different and just tried to shed a little light into my fucked up mind. I am sure I could be psychoanalyzed by a number of people here including a few dancers that might disagree with what I wrote above……who knows they might put me in one of the categories that have been posted here. To know the real truth of what she is thinking about you!!!!!! Well that just takes the fun out of it. If it is good thoughts they normally come out on their own. It is fun though for them to try to figure you out though. I have been called the shy guy, (I like that one, don’t get it often though), the man-whore(still don’t see this one), Sad lonely guy(hate this one and usually it is if I have had a bad week of work and she is not helping me to forget), Don’t have a clue guy(they never tell me this one, but I see it obviously written all over their face---I like to screw with these dancers), Playful fun guy with not a care in the world(if they only knew!!) and most recently which threw me for a loop the dreaded WHITE KNIGHT.:O I am still not sure what that one is but if I remember some earlier posts, I don’t think its good. Is that the one where I go in trying to save a stripper???
Laurisa
11-20-2009, 10:39 PM
And besides what does it matter if two other people come up with some agreement that pleases them?
That does ring very true.
lestat1
11-21-2009, 12:31 AM
I can't speak for anyone but myself and as for me, yes I have an intimacy issue. A lack of intimacy in my life. So I pay for it because I'm not confident enough to get it on my own.
Golden_Rule
11-21-2009, 01:16 PM
That does ring very true.
It doesn't ring true that what two people do, providing no one is getting hurt, is probably best left to the two people involved and is likely no one else's concern?
laurcon
11-21-2009, 04:19 PM
It doesn't ring true that what two people do, providing no one is getting hurt, is probably best left to the two people involved and is likely no one else's concern?
um, what? i'm pretty sure she just said that does ring true. what are you talking about GR? /:O
Earl_the_Pearl
11-21-2009, 05:11 PM
Now, what I want to know is, how can guys like this NOT look in the mirror and realize that they will never get a girl like that IRL,
Really?
http://www.pocacola.com/UserFiles/Image/victoria-silvstedt-sardinia060618.jpg
What is that in his trunks?
Laurisa
11-22-2009, 10:53 AM
It doesn't ring true that what two people do, providing no one is getting hurt, is probably best left to the two people involved and is likely no one else's concern?
What are you talking about? That is EXACTLY what I was agreeing with. ::)
WiseGuy_TX
11-22-2009, 12:32 PM
Really?
http://www.pocacola.com/UserFiles/Image/victoria-silvstedt-sardinia060618.jpg
What is that in his trunks?
...that's wet money in his trunks and that's Victoria Silvstedt.
Earl_the_Pearl
11-22-2009, 11:05 PM
...that's wet money in his trunks and that's Victoria Silvstedt.
Yes it is.
http://cdn.wwtdd.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/cpfl130606a_52.jpg
Golden_Rule
11-24-2009, 12:13 PM
um, what? i'm pretty sure she just said that does ring true. what are you talking about GR? /:O
UGH!
Good catch Laurcon.
Sorry Laurisa, I misread it. My bad.
Golden_Rule
11-24-2009, 12:17 PM
What are you talking about? That is EXACTLY what I was agreeing with. ::)
Ok. Ok. No eye-rolling. I admit when I make a mistake. Like I said, I misread it. :)
whitelight97402
11-25-2009, 09:53 PM
Yes, I have massive intimacy issues. I've pushed away so many great woman at this point, it is somewhat comical for my close friends and yet sad. Why do i do this? I dunno, I traveled a shit ton as a kid, never one place for very long, didn't develop relationship skills, i send them on their way before they can hurt me, i was molested a few times as well. I'm a sexual freak and i'm told it stems from this. I don't care if a dancer tries to hustle me for a drink, a dance, a one night stand, dancers who party with me OTC are usually pretty messed up themselves and for this i love them.
at the same time, i don't bother with so called 'higher end' clubs, seriously, i know in two seconds