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kittygirl
12-03-2009, 11:02 PM
See - perfect example! Why the hell wouldn't you tell him that when you were with him?! Then you wouldn't dislike his cock, sex would more enjoyable for both of you... See how this works? :)
Please don't tell me you are going to police everyone else telling them they should have been honest about smegma smell in a relationship.
What does "see how this works" mean?
See how what works? See how GR is breaking your golden rule? Yet?
This reminds me of the people who rally around the jerk because they believe they are the "alpha". I'm of the opposite ilk. Call it like I see it
Djoser
12-03-2009, 11:32 PM
Please let's keep on topic, and avoid stereotyping.
Men and women both can be delicate when it comes to sex, and sexual suggestion.
Neither sex has any monopoly on what is right, what is best, who is more secure, partners being unable to resist a rematch, or whatever.
Almost Jaded
12-04-2009, 12:25 AM
Please don't tell me you are going to police everyone else telling them they should have been honest about smegma smell in a relationship.
What does "see how this works" mean?
See how what works? See how GR is breaking your golden rule? Yet?
This reminds me of the people who rally around the jerk because they believe they are the "alpha". I'm of the opposite ilk. Call it like I see it
Um - WTF did I do to earn your ire? Where did you even get half of that?
Why would I police anyone on anything? Stating that communicating better about things - including smegma smell, lol - improves reltionships, especially in the sexual arena, is simply stating a truth.
"See how this works" in the context used means "can you see how communicating that could have made your sex life in that relationship better all around", but with a lot fewer characters.
See how what works = see above, and WTF does any of that have to do with GR in any way? Yet..? Implying I missed something before... Before what? :confused:
What epople who rally around what jerk? I'm not rallying around anyone, nor do I see where my comments could be taken as such..?
Why are you so insistent that your are SO radically different, so AWESOMELY brazen in your calling people out? Has it ever occurred to you that that might come off as compensating, or even as insecurity? Not saying that such is the case, just letting you know how it comes off when you continually harp on it. :shrug:
kittygirl
12-04-2009, 12:45 AM
OK, I'll chill out, but I guess GR just rubbed me so wrong.
Maybe what you are talking about is actually back on topic about vaginal orgasm? I guess we've been so off topic I wasn't expecting it.
But also, it might have to do with the fact that you started a whole thread about casting the first stone. I don't think it was created in a vaccuum but had very much to do about GR and his cheating and people calling him out in this thread.
We can keep that in the other thread, but it still colors the way I view your comments on this thread. Like talking about being honest about smegma as something to aspire to and yet you created a whole thread to refer to us encouraging honesty in all aspects of a relationship as "casting stones". It seems a little weird to me.
But, yeah I can take a chill pill. At least you value honesty.
KiwiStrawberry Splenda
12-04-2009, 02:28 AM
Is it foreskin that has the smell, or just generally getting sweaty and not recently washing? My SO has stuck his uncut penis in my mouth before, and a few times its been a little heady. But I know for a fact that he's played with my junk when it wasn't so fresh. I just try not to breath through my nose. He is very clean and washes his peen a few times throughout the day, being that it is uncircumsized.
Also, some guys have pungent balls, even within a few minutes of getting out of the shower.
Am I threadjacking my own thread? I don't know, I have bronchitis or something and I can't get to sleep because I am hacking up my own lungs.
miabella
12-04-2009, 06:47 AM
wives always know, unless they are occupied with their own infidelities.
also, vaginal orgasms exist and so do women having them, right now! who knew!
total honesty is a lovely fantasy, but it would require a completeness of consciousness no human can ever possess. that said, certainly a life of seeking or aspiring towards explicit and implicit honesty is a worthwhile life (but an intensely complicated and difficult one).
this was an impressive display of posting by all parties, to span seventeen post-pages!
kittygirl
12-04-2009, 07:04 AM
[quote=miabella;1877638]total honesty is a lovely fantasy, but it would require a completeness of consciousness no human can ever possess. that said, certainly a life of seeking or aspiring towards explicit and implicit honesty is a worthwhile life (but an intensely complicated and difficult one).
quote]
I think that's a touch theoretical. It seems to sidestep what we all want out of a relationship - honesty.
Whether that means every word out of your mouth is 100% perfectly true or you haven't omitted a single fact I don't think is really the issue.
We all know what it means.
Being honest with the people you love to the best of your ability to honor, respect and love them.
Theoretical semantics aside - I don't really need a completeness of consciousness to not betray people I care about. Honesty is something people with a conscience aspire to. A lot of people are honest, is that really hard to believe?
I figure if the thread is this jacked, what's one more post - hey I'm being honest.
miabella
12-04-2009, 07:51 AM
as a person more deeply comprehends honesty, the more things they realise they have lied to themselves and others about. and the harder it gets to dig in there and be honest about those deceptions.
freud and jung covered much of this terrain.
most people are not honest with their own thoughts. it is hard for people to admit dark or even just unpopular thoughts or feelings even to themselves, much less admit to it (even mentally) and try to find a different pattern of thought/behavior. and never mind circumstances revolving around 'total honesty' with another person.
'i am a good/bad person' is pretty much the canonical example of how hard honesty can be. see also: 'so and so is worse than me because they did x and i would never do that'.
but then again, one could easily do 17 post-pages on the conception and practice of honesty beyond verbal assertions.
jack0177057
12-04-2009, 10:50 AM
Nothing I would to teach you would require a pen or paper. That much I guarantee. However, I don't teach, which is why my husband and I get along so well... he already knew what I liked.
Our discussion that followed was removed, so it must have offended someone. I was only kidding with you, JayATee,... I've got lots of respect for you.
But, seriously this is a romanticized version of sexual relationships - "he already knew what I liked". It might be true, in general, but in the particulars, only you know exactly what you like. That should be the lesson taken from this thread.
Every time I've been with a woman for some period of time, I've learn something new, because, as everyone agrees, each girl is unique (not to mention that many of them vary in what they want from day to day - one day wanting slow, deep and "spiritual" tantric sex and the next day wanting it "rough").
I can speculate a little about what a girl likes (based on her personality) and I'm usually 80% right, but there is always more to learn, so, I'll pull out my pen and pay attention... Of course, sometimes, what she wants is for me to have my selfish way with her - but even that turns out to be a mere illusion, because my way is the way she fantasizes my way to be (e.g., very aggressive and rough), so its really her way of my way... Yeah, girls are very complex.
Almost Jaded
12-04-2009, 11:37 AM
I think Jack is on the right track. Or at least his approach is similar to mine, and I don't get complaints, lol. His style ofpressentation here might need some work though... ;)
Kitty - thank you for backing off a little, I wasn't meaning to come down on you. The other thread was started specifically to get this one back on topic and away from that argument - but rather than make it specifically about him and his situation, I wanted to make it an exercise in introspection and analyzing our own honesty.
Miabella has it right on the money; the better you get at it, the harder it is, lol. You certainly become more aware of the 'little' untruths that slide out without a thought - there are a lot of them! Some untruths are so deeply rooted in our personal "history" that we have trouble remembering the whole truth, lol.
In any event - yeah, my comments were intended to be on-topic, as they relate to orgasm and sexuality in a relationship. As I stated before - from a medical standpoint, barring mutation, deformation or injury, all women are wired for both clitoral and vaginal orgasm, and all women are wired for multiple orgasms. The factors that alter each woman's preferences and experiences are myriad; and if they weren't, there wouldn't be much fun in sleeping around. :P
KiwiStrawberry Splenda
12-04-2009, 12:50 PM
[quote=Almost Jaded;1877703]
all women are wired for both clitoral and vaginal orgasm, and all women are wired for multiple orgasms. /quote]
Prove this please. I see no evidence that this is true. Orgasm occurs through stimulation of erectile tissue under the skin of the genitals. If that erectile tissue extends through to the vaginal canal, or the woman is built in such a way that the rubbing of this erectile tissue during penetration is adequate for orgasm, then so be it. But many women are not.
Vaginal orgasm is not a myth, that was just the title lf the article. But I dont understand where you are getting your information from, aside from wishful thinking.
Individuals are NOT all wired the same. Even all men men derive a variety of pleasure from different types of stimulation to their penis, balls, g-spot, nipples, etc...
Also, what do you mean by multiple orgasms? How far apart must each orgasm be for them to be multiple? Because I know many, many women who have such a strong initial orgasm, that they require a great deal of time in a "refractory" state, inhibiting the ability for multiples. Why fault them for that, they are perfectly normal too.
Djoser
12-04-2009, 06:02 PM
Yeah I've known a lot of women who were good for one big Bang and needed a rest for a while before the next one. Then there are a few machine gunners out there lol. Most are in between somewhere, but that 'somewhere' covers a lot of ground. I am inclined to believe that the physical arrangement of nerve endings, etc., can vary.
God I hate this clinical manner of speaking...
peachplumpear
12-05-2009, 02:30 AM
Hahaha now that I think about it, I did tell him to take shower when he pulled it out most times. He knew it smelled, it was just hard smell to wash off? Perma-smell. I would have retroactively told him about the smell just to be a bitter ex.
I've always been pretty vocal about what feels good and what does nothing or feels bad. I would assume most girls on stripper web are not in the habit of keeping their sexuality hidden and their needs quiet. Given the overt nature of our work... The two are incongruent behaviors.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 01:35 PM
Perhaps there in lies the problem. You're trying to be "clinical" about cheating on your wife.
Also, interesting how you say you feel bad about it, but then openly joke about it.
http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=137218
If you're not even going to act contrite about it, I'm not sure why you expect "compassion" to factor in for anyone but your wife.
I am contrite about having to lie. I don't like lying.
I not about having unemotionally involved sex. To me its no different than getting a meal out, or having a plumber clean my pipes. Its simply a service.
Again, having to lie about availing myself of said service, different story.
Elvia
12-05-2009, 01:59 PM
So because the sex is not an issue to you, it is not an issue. The fact that it would be an issue to your wife does not matter.
Wow. Hello, narcissism.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 02:44 PM
Oh - the whole GR mess. GR - 50 lashes with a wet noodle. Now go have an honest conersation with your wife. Bad ex-cop, no donut. Whatever.
I wouldn't disagree. Hey, its how I manage. I will say I make every effort imaginable to make sure that my activities are transparent to my wife. It is as if they don't exist [except they do, I acknowledge]. There is no change apparent to her that is the case though. It has, to date, not negatively impacted her is what I am saying, and I am doing everything I can do to make sure it remains that way [save the most obvious which is to stop having occasional commercial sex].
I am curios to see if I get any takers on this one. See below.
I would like to see if any one of you can post ONE completely honest, bad thing you've done or still do, about which you've lied or continue to lie to your SO. Faking an orgasm. Hating their hobby or pet. Secretly thinking about George Cloony when he's doing you from behind. Cheating. "Not cheating" - i..e., cybersex, phone sex, etc - how about talking to an ex that they don't approve of and having "wishful moments" and whatnot? Little things, big things, SOMETHING.
I am NOT defending GR. I AM throwing out a BLATANT "cast the first stone" scenario - you may disapprove of his lying to his wife and his dalliances, but the character judgements I'm seeing are terrible, and shame on all of you for it. Take my challenge, and subject each other to the same scrutiny and judgement you've leveled at him. {bold added}
Really - I want to see this. Not a rhetorical challenge. Let's start another thread for it - I'll make it right after this post. Game on. :evil:
Like I keep saying, I'm not trying to justify cheating. The part in bold is the lion's share of the point I've been trying to make.
So - while I don't doubt you as a person or your arrangement, I KNOW - FOR A FACT - that there is something that you know your BF would want to know about or should know about that you don't tell him for fear of the outcome. I know this because you are a human being in a relationship, not becuase I think ill of you. Please take it to the new thread, though. ;)
And there is the other part.
Between the two bits above you just restated my whole argument.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 02:47 PM
So because the sex is not an issue to you, it is not an issue. The fact that it would be an issue to your wife does not matter.
Wow. Hello, narcissism.
It matters. Just no where near as much as the lying about it [even by omission], which is the source of any true violation of trust that is taking place.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 03:01 PM
[quote=miabella;1877638] Being honest with the people you love to the best of your ability to honor, respect and love them.
You see, that is the crux of the issue.
I have being doing precisely that. The problem is that it doesn't meet the standards of several people present [or so it would seem].
The question then wraps itself around two poles:
One that begs the question whether you have the right to judge another whose situation might simply be an amplification of your own [IOW, how honest are you being with your mate]? Because we are all human and thus imperfect it is highly more likely than not we'll all get something caught in the wringer at some point. It just might not be cheating is all, but it will be something [best bet is if it isn't cheating it will be money related, but it will me something].
The other being that if the above is true how would you like to be treated when its your turn in the wringer? If it is with compassion then wouldn't it be wise to give it yourself, since it is what you'll be looking for when its your turn?
Elvia
12-05-2009, 03:05 PM
[quote=kittygirl;1877639]
You see, that is the crux of the issue.
I have being doing precisely that. The problem is that it doesn't meet the standards of several people present [or so it would seem].
The problem is that you expect us to buy that continually cheating on your wife is "the best" you can do. But then when I point out that there's help available if you really can't control your behavior, you admit that you act only out of selfish desire, not need. So, we are forced to conclude that you are not doing all that to the best of your abilities, and that you've decided not to.
Elvia
12-05-2009, 03:06 PM
^^^ don't know what happened with the quote thing there, sorry about that.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 03:08 PM
[quote=Golden_Rule;1878108]
The problem is that you expect us to buy that continually cheating on your wife is "the best" you can do. But then when I point out that there's help available if you really can't control your behavior, you admit that you act only out of selfish desire, not need. So, we are forced to conclude that you are not doing all that to the best of your abilities, and that you've decided not to.
It is the best I can do because I want to keep my wife. The "help" you speak of would require my making my activities known to her and then I lose her. Something I am not prepared to do. So yes, it is the best I can do until I can do better [which might be tomorrow and might be never, but that just makes me human like anyone else].
Elvia
12-05-2009, 03:10 PM
^^^ No, it wouldn't. Therapy and sexual addiction support groups do not require that you tell anyone else about it.
Dirty Ernie
12-05-2009, 03:13 PM
The other being that if the above is true how would you like to be treated when its your turn in the wringer? If it is with compassion then wouldn't it be wise to give it yourself, since it is what you'll be looking for when its your turn?
Though I do not know either of you, I choose to save my compassion for your wife.
Earl_the_Pearl
12-05-2009, 04:32 PM
... sexual addiction support groups ...
Are these groups co-ed? :grouphug:
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 05:14 PM
^^^ No, it wouldn't. Therapy and sexual addiction support groups do not require that you tell anyone else about it.
Apparently you aren't aware of the process most addiction counseling takes, where at some point you come clean to those around you [especially those you care about] and make some sort of amends for how your addiction has impacted their lives. This is especially true of any addiction treatment based on a 12 steps process, though most forms of counseling strongly advise this type of "coming out" at some point.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 05:17 PM
Though I do not know either of you, I choose to save my compassion for your wife.
Certainly your right, as it would be my right to choose if I so felt the need, to believe that because your post suggests to me you are of a particularly close minded sort that perhaps your wife could use a little compassion as well.
Isn't it grand that I don't feel the need to judge you in that way. :)
Elvia
12-05-2009, 05:19 PM
If you actually took responsibility and tried to make things better, I might have compassion for you. But deciding to just go ahead and be selfish isn't really a position deserving of "compassion."
Elvia
12-05-2009, 05:28 PM
Apparently you aren't aware of the process most addiction counseling takes, where at some point you come clean to those around you [especially those you care about] and make some sort of amends for how your addiction has impacted their lives. This is especially true of any addiction treatment based on a 12 steps process, though most forms of counseling strongly advise this type of "coming out" at some point.
Actually, I am. I've gone through it myself. You don't have to come out to anyone you don't want to. In fact, since the "making amends" step specifies that you make amends "except when to do so would so would harm ourselves or others," you could very reasonably refrain from telling her. In fact, I'm sure if you told someone that your concern over doing that was holding you back from seeking treatment, they would tell you it's better to forgo "coming clean" to her and go ahead and get the help.
The world services model also isn't the only type of addiction treatment out there. You could simply bypass that and see an addiction specialist.
But then, you've also been trying to insist that this isn't an addiction, just a selfish behavior. In that case, you can just stop. But your flip-flopping a lot on that.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 06:03 PM
If you actually took responsibility and tried to make things better, I might have compassion for you. But deciding to just go ahead and be selfish isn't really a position deserving of "compassion."
Please note I didn't ask for any. My only reference to compassion was the, rather obvious to my way of thinking, point that since we are all going to be seeking it from those we love at some point when we fuck up it might best serve us to be willing to give it to them when they fuck up.
But then, you've also been trying to insist that this isn't an addiction, just a selfish behavior. In that case, you can just stop. But your flip-flopping a lot on that.
No, what I have precisely said is that I don't see it as addictive behavior on my part but if I ever changed my mind I'd probably seek help for it. And while I have been consistent in my postings I'm proud to say that I am capable of learning from just about anyone and my mind is open, so I take things in and digest them. That sometimes has the effect of altering my position on things when something makes sense to me and hits home.
How about you?
Elvia
12-05-2009, 06:07 PM
And as I've said, there's a difference between someone who makes a mistake, recognizes it, and changes the behavior, and someone who makes a mistake, and decides that they will just allow it to continue. If my SO was doing what you're doing, I wouldn't have compassion for him either.
charlie61
12-05-2009, 06:11 PM
I think the proverbial dead horse has been beaten.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 06:13 PM
And as I've said, there's a difference between someone who makes a mistake, recognizes it, and changes the behavior, and someone who makes a mistake, and decides that they will just allow it to continue. If my SO was doing what you're doing, I wouldn't have compassion for him either.
You see, its the calling it mistake that is the judgment. You can't call a behavior a mistake without judging it.
There are millions of people in this country that would point out to you, some with glee in the doing, that everything you do in a strip-club is a mistake and you ought to fix it.
You know them to be wrong, so you don't feel you have anything to fix but you wouldn't allow that same consideration to someone else and are just as willing to judge other sex workers who do "more" than you under the same kind of thinking that allows those millions to judge you and what your doing. [but you still don't see that I am sure]
And that you wouldn't have compassion for your S.O. if he was seeing having paid for NSA sex with a stripper, or any other sex worker, I am also sure of.
Elvia
12-05-2009, 06:23 PM
^^^ you've acknowledged your behavior is wrong, Gr.
I agree with charlie. There's nothing new being said at this point.
And BTW, as I've already explained to you twice now in the other thread, I don't judge other sex workers for the work they do. I would judge any sex worker who didn't tell her SO that she was doing sex work. Be they a dancer,escort, phone sex worker, etc.
laurcon
12-05-2009, 07:12 PM
You see, its the calling it mistake that is the judgment. You can't call a behavior a mistake without judging it.
There are millions of people in this country that would point out to you, some with glee in the doing, that everything you do in a strip-club is a mistake and you ought to fix it.
You know them to be wrong, so you don't feel you have anything to fix but you wouldn't allow that same consideration to someone else and are just as willing to judge other sex workers who do "more" than you under the same kind of thinking that allows those millions to judge you and what your doing. [but you still don't see that I am sure]
And that you wouldn't have compassion for your S.O. if he was seeing having paid for NSA sex with a stripper, or any other sex worker, I am also sure of.
GR!! i am so sick of you comparing your cheating on your wife with us doing a job!! seriously, we don't give a crap about what other people think because we KNOW we are not hurting anyone. i don't care if dumb wives or SO's disagree, they're in denial that their man would have done something in another way if going to a SC wasn't an option. besides, my services should be used responsibly much like alcohol. just because some people misuse it, doesn't mean everyone drinking is wrong or doing something bad.
if you can honestly say to yourself that what you're doing is not hurting anyone and is not going to hurt anyone, then have a great time!! but please stop comparing your choices with your relationship to a job we do for money because it really makes no sense and it is incredibly insulting.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 07:26 PM
GR!! i am so sick of you comparing your cheating on your wife with us doing a job!! seriously, we don't give a crap about what other people think because we KNOW we are not hurting anyone.
No, you perceive you are not hurting anyone and so you define it that way and think you are correct in your perception. [and btw i would agree with you]
Those many others feel the exact same way and think they are just as correct.
They would damn you with their perceptions, just as you are damning other.
i don't care if dumb wives or SO's disagree, they're in denial that their man would have done something in another way if going to a SC wasn't an option. besides, my services should be used responsibly much like alcohol. just because some people misuse it, doesn't mean everyone drinking is wrong or doing something bad.
Again, the wives and SOs in question don't perceive themselves as dumb. They believe themselves to be correct and thus have every right to blame YOU for the reason their men went astray. While we see the folly in that what part of YOU are doing the exact same type of thinking and if its wrong from them to use it against you, it is wrong for you to use it against others, aren't you comprehending?
BTW, how come when I use the alcohol comparison and suggest each is intoxicating in its own way, clouding judgment, and should therefore be treated in similar ways does it get bashed by yourself and others yet you use the same example here because it now suits your purposes?
if you can honestly say to yourself that what you're doing is not hurting anyone and is not going to hurt anyone, then have a great time!! but please stop comparing your choices with your relationship to a job we do for money because it really makes no sense and it is incredibly insulting.
I don't, and that is exactly my point.
It is people like yourself who walk about insisting what they do doesn't hurt others that tend to cause the most pain. Folks like myself, who realize that we we do has the ability to hurt others so we better take pains to limit it as much as we can to lessen the damage we cause who might be causing less carnage.
laurcon
12-05-2009, 07:28 PM
Who did i damn?!?!
forget it, don't bother. literally, there is no rational way that i'm hurting another human being. i've thought it over from all angles. i really don't care what else you have to say. i don't judge anyone. i never said you're a bad person in any type of way. i wouldn't want you as a friend, and yes, i do think what you're doing to your marriage is an asshole move, but its just one action. i don't judge anyone based on what they do, only on how they treat other beings. and even those that mistreat others i tell myself they just don't know better and need help. you continue to say whatever you want, i just literally cannot take it anymore. idk why i made the mistake of removing you from ignore for one second to possibly read your answer to this.
Elvia
12-05-2009, 07:32 PM
So you acknowledge that strippers are not doing anything wring by doing their jobs, while acknowledging that you are doing something wrong by cheating on your wife. You also say that it's not an addiction, and you can control it, but choose not to. Or that it might be an addiction, but you would rather just continue it than get help.
How you can put that all together and still continue to cheat on your wife is beyond me.
Elvia
12-05-2009, 07:33 PM
It is people like yourself who walk about insisting what they do doesn't hurt others that tend to cause the most pain. Folks like myself, who realize that we we do has the ability to hurt others so we better take pains to limit it as much as we can to lessen the damage we cause who might be causing less carnage.
No one is going to help you delude yourself into believing this is what you're doing. Sorry.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 08:10 PM
So you acknowledge that strippers are not doing anything wring by doing their jobs, while acknowledging that you are doing something wrong by cheating on your wife. You also say that it's not an addiction, and you can control it, but choose not to. Or that it might be an addiction, but you would rather just continue it than get help.
How you can put that all together and still continue to cheat on your wife is beyond me.
That isn't what I said at all.
I said I acknowledge my wife and the larger part of society would see my cheating as wrong. I said I see the lying about it as wrong. I said its not an addiction as I think of it currently but I didn't suggest I could control the urges. Sex is one of the heavy six. Breathing, water, food, shelter, survival, procreation. Any psych of soc 101 grad can tell you that.
I believe the urges to be natural, and acting on them a means of maintaining my mental health. I see our society as short sighted in that regard and attribute a lot of our problems to how our society deals with sex and sexuality. I also know that opening fighting society on that account is like pissing uphill. Your feet are going to get wet if you try. So the only way to deal with it if you can't find someone who feels differently than soceity to fall in love with is do what you have to do and lie about it.
Elvia
12-05-2009, 08:15 PM
^^^ let's not split hairs. Substitute what I said for simply "you know what you are doing is wrong" and the point still stands.
Once again, plenty of people manage to go through dry spells without cheating on their partners.
Golden_Rule
12-05-2009, 08:52 PM
Once again, plenty of people manage to go through dry spells without cheating on their partners.
And the majority of the males, and an ever increasing number or females, don't. At least if the stats from the current studies on marital infidelity in this country are correct.
So like I said, all its does is not make me particularly unique. In fact it makes me average as far as married men in this country goes.
Which is all I have been saying.
Elvia
12-05-2009, 11:05 PM
If you really that the majority of people have to cheat on their partners, that is sad. I really don't believe that. I suppose if I was in your shoes I'd have to believe that as well to continue with my behavior.
safado
12-06-2009, 09:57 AM
With all this talk about cheating I have a couple of questions for those of you who have been in exclusive relationship for a long time lets say more than 10 years. Do you get sick of having sex with the same person all the time? Don't you want to try someone different? It seems to me that being with the same person for years and years would be like eating the same food at the same restaurant everyday.
mediocrity
12-06-2009, 10:04 AM
^^ I havent been for 10+ years, but the whole time I was married I never got sick of my ex husband. We split due to a difference is priorities/goals.
That being said, I would never enter into a relationship again where I was compromising my own preferences. GR wants to be non-exclusive? From my limited knowledge he entered into the marriage knowing his wife would want it to be exclusive, so tough shit.
I used to bring girls home for my favourite ex boyfriend. I don't like girls, but we'd both focus on him, and he was always pleased with it. But then again, we had discussed that and it was the arrangement.
I digress.
safado
12-06-2009, 10:21 AM
I used to bring girls home for my favourite ex boyfriend. I don't like girls, but we'd both focus on him, and he was always pleased with it. But then again, we had discussed that and it was the arrangement.
I digress.
That's the kind of arrangement I would like, even better if she also likes girls.
mediocrity
12-06-2009, 10:57 AM
^^ I'll kiss a girl, but that's as far as it goes. Tried the other stuff and failed miserably. Hated it.
Funny enough that relationship was entirely drama free and split up just because of a move. Still dear friends though. I kept the jealousy factor low because we'd always be with someone who looks nothing like me, so it was never competition, just variety.
I'd do that again.
Almost Jaded
12-06-2009, 11:45 AM
That's the kind of arrangement I would like, even better if she also likes girls.
That's the kind of arrangement most guys think they'd like, lol. Truth is, it is a pretty damn good arrangement - IF everyone involved really gets it. Mediocrity clearly does. Her BF clearly knew how to handle it. MM and I have an awesome relationship, and that scenario is part of the equation.
Most of the time, this doesn't work out, though. And I know from experience, lol. Jealousy ensues from either or both parties for all kinds of reasons, sometimes even the "other" girls have issues that make their way into the scene, and life starts to suck.
When the couple is secure and understand each others needs and wants and issues and whatnot, it can work out very, very well indeed. But few couples really get to know and understand each other that well, even after years. It's sad.
Now Safado - ask yourself this. If you had this arrangement with a GF, and it went well for a couple of years - and then she said she needed some variety too... How would you handle that?
KiwiStrawberry Splenda
12-06-2009, 11:51 AM
My BF and I also have this arrangement, and it works out just fine. I prefer making out with girls to full on sex with them, but whatever happens in the moment, that's cool too. He is NOT cool with me doing anything with other guys though, and I accept it. I am not interested in sex with anyone else right now, even though he's going through a rough time at work, and not giving me as much sexing as I prefer. When we do, its fabulous, and I am happy with my vibrator all the other times.
Elvia
12-06-2009, 04:16 PM
^^ I havent been for 10+ years, but the whole time I was married I never got sick of my ex husband. We split due to a difference is priorities/goals.
That being said, I would never enter into a relationship again where I was compromising my own preferences. GR wants to be non-exclusive? From my limited knowledge he entered into the marriage knowing his wife would want it to be exclusive, so tough shit.
Exactly. Well put. I've been in open relationship and monogamous relationships and enjoyed them both. If I were to get married though, I think I personally would prefer to have a monogamous marriage. So, once my partner and I decided that was the commitment we both wanted, I would hold us both to that. If there ever came a time when I decided I didn't want to be monogamous anymore, I would have a choice to make: 1) discuss my feelings with my partner and see if he would be interested in opening up the relationship, and if the answer was no 2) divorce, or 3) continue to stay in the monogamous relationship, and continue to be faithful. I would expect the same from him.
JayATee
12-07-2009, 01:49 PM
Do you get sick of having sex with the same person all the time? Don't you want to try someone different?
Are you kidding? Hell fucking no! ;D