View Full Version : OMFG.. Stick a fork in me I'M DONE!
MsClaireVoyant
12-20-2009, 01:47 AM
"Aww you noticed I had a little one huh? Ha!"
Yeah.. I pay attention to what you say. Not to sound like an ass kisser or anything *lol* but you and minnie are kinda my heroes when it comes to the whole cam thing.
I don't really think it's "cheating" either. Life isn't black and white like that. You werent doing it for emotional reasons. It's too complex a situation.
Elvia
12-20-2009, 02:18 AM
The bigger question is, would he consider it cheating?
Djoser
12-20-2009, 03:05 AM
ewww what? men are so gross. i am now certain that you are better off. you should buy yourself something really nice to reward yourself for making a good decision.
What the hell? She lies to this guy she's supposedly in love with about having sex regularly with other men, and your conclusion is that 'ewww men are so gross'??
I have read some seriously delusional things on this site in seven years, but this is right up there.
Deceptive, perhaps. Cheating, no. It's work. Cheating implies she's seeking out relationships for other means of satisfaction. She's not. It's a job. She just didn't tell him what her job is. Say what you want. It's not cheating.
The hell it isn't cheating. She's having sex with other men without telling him. That's cheating whether she gets money for it or not.
99% of men would tell you hell fucking yes it's cheating. 99% of women would say a guy was cheating on her if he was regularly having sex with other women for money, or not, and not telling them.
I am not going to attack the OP for making a mistake, but telling her the guy is fucked up when he was being lied to about her having sex with other men is not the answer to this situation.
KS_Stevia
12-20-2009, 08:27 AM
Yeah, you all jumped on Golden_Rule about cheating, basically relegating him to scum of the earth. What this girl is doing is just as bad. So, he loaded the CD onto his computer. It was a bad mistake for sure, and he shouldn't have done that.
But a person had the right to know if they are dating a sex worker. Number one, because they are at a higher risk for infections. Number two, if their S.O. is a sex worker, she/he is at a higher risk for having crimes committed against her, or being arrested...the S.O. should know so they can help out their partner in need. OR...make the decision not to get involved.
Imagine if any of you ladies were dating a man, and came to find out he had been having paid sex with men? How many of you wouldn't flip out? I know that I would.
vivianbear
12-20-2009, 08:42 AM
Imagine if any of you ladies were dating a man, and came to find out he had been having paid sex with men? How many of you wouldn't flip out? I know that I would.
Fuck that. If my man (or any partner) came out to me as a sex worker and escort, I would take him into my arms and love him all the more for being so brave. I have been with escorts and other sex workers. I have loved them because I AM one, myself! Who would turn away one of their own when that person is looking for acceptance and love? That's cruel. >:(
KS_Stevia
12-20-2009, 08:51 AM
You would do this even after he had been lying to you for a long time about it? Its not that escorts should not be accepted, in fact, I believe the opposite. I've been an escort, and a high-contact dancer. But the truth is, people don't accept it. Those negative feelings go down to the core of their souls.
What if Malaya, you, or me...decided to come out to our S.O....and got the crap beaten out of us? It happens! Just an unfortunate shame in social conditioning.
I would also not turn away a sex worker, but if he lied to me about it for a long time I'd be pissed. Actually, I'm not an equal opportunist about this, because I have escort girlfriends, and have unconditionally loved and accepted and helped them out in escorting. But its different, they are my girl friends, not my partner.
vivianbear
12-20-2009, 09:04 AM
You would do this even after he had been lying to you for a long time about it? Its not that escorts should not be accepted, in fact, I believe the opposite. I've been an escort, and a high-contact dancer. But the truth is, people don't accept it. Those negative feelings go down to the core of their souls.
I don't believe in souls, I believe in people. Sometimes people lie because they are scared of not being loved. You either love people for what they are and forgive them for what they do or you don't. I would love him no matter what his chosen profession is and forgive him for having been so scared he felt that he had to lie to me about it. You say you believe we should have acceptance and then you say 'people' don't accept us and that's valid. Which is it?
What if Malaya, you, or me...decided to come out to our S.O....and got the crap beaten out of us? It happens! Just an unfortunate shame in social conditioning.
Um, NO. What you've just described is abuse and domestic violence. If you have a partner that escalates to you when you tell him something that could be perceived as negative (whether its about hooking, stripping or you over- cooked the roast) and he HITS you in response, that is not an "unfortunate shame in social conditioning". That is abuse. Who's "socially conditioned" to hit or abuse others that you know? I would not be with a partner who would abuse me for any reason, my work aside.
I would also not turn away a sex worker, but if he lied to me about it for a long time I'd be pissed. Actually, I'm not an equal opportunist about this, because I have escort girlfriends, and have unconditionally loved and accepted and helped them out in escorting. But its different, they are my girl friends, not my partner.
So, you'll only provide assistence to other sex workers as long as its a platonic relationship? Whatever. If it makes sense to you. I just know that we hide or jobs out of fear and stigma. When we come out to our friends and family about what we do it reduces the stigma. Unfortunately, we're still afraid because we are criminalized by our trade. That is the unfortunate social condition here. Not your hypothetical hooker-bf.
KS_Stevia
12-20-2009, 09:43 AM
You have a point. I am all over the place. I guess I'm just afraid of what my boyfriend would do if I ever admitted to him that I've escorted, and somehow extending it outwards. I'm sorry, I really do want sex workers to be completely accepted by society.
But I don't want to be lied to either.
malayataylor
12-20-2009, 10:24 AM
You guys I am no longer with this guy anymore. I'm not with anyone and I feel damn good.. Just reading this only makes me want to kill him. I mean I know I'm not perfect. I never said I was. People make mistakes.. I made a mistake not telling him ok. Do I regret calling the relationship off? NO.. He was not perfect either.. He had a son with another woman (I knew about this) and was still messing with her. Everytime I saw him it was a luxury apartment..a few days after we broke up His cousin calls me to tell me he has a 400k home in huntersville with his son's mom. I didn't even know he had a house let alone a house with another woman. This is why my tone has changed about him from the earlier posts. I felt sorry for him now I DON'T. I had doubts about the whole relationship ..my instincts was telling me something was not right but I did not listen. I thought I was in a perfect relationship: Perfect man, perfect job, pefect life.. nope. So do I feel bad for being "deceptive"? NO. Did I cheat? NO. He told me him and his son's mom didn't get along LIE! I could elaborate on all this.. but I'm sick of spilling out my guts and being attacked for my decisions on the "Life support" Thread.
I don't really think it's "cheating" either. Life isn't black and white like that. You werent doing it for emotional reasons. It's too complex a situation.
exactly
The bigger question is, would he consider it cheating?
I really don't care what he thinks.
Fuck that. If my man (or any partner) came out to me as a sex worker and escort, I would take him into my arms and love him all the more for being so brave. I have been with escorts and other sex workers. I have loved them because I AM one, myself! Who would turn away one of their own when that person is looking for acceptance and love? That's cruel.
My ex ex was a stripper at a male club..it took me a while to get used to it but did I dump him? No. He dumped me when he found out I was a camgirl. Talk about cruel.
Its not what you DO that's the problem, its LYING that makes it cheating.
malayataylor
12-20-2009, 11:19 AM
Its not what you DO that's the problem, its LYING that makes it cheating.
Ok exactly..So tell me when I "lied" to him???? It never came up.. so technically I didn't "LIE" to anyone nuff said.
Ok exactly..So tell me when I "lied" to him???? It never came up.. so technically I didn't "LIE" to anyone nuff said.
Don't be ridiculous, you are not two years old you know exactly how stupid this sounds.
camille27
12-20-2009, 11:52 AM
i'm delusional because i think men are gross? okay.
vivianbear
12-20-2009, 12:12 PM
Don't be ridiculous, you are not two years old you know exactly how stupid this sounds.
Fuck, that's a condescending tone. Jerk. I hate men who pipe in with this shit.
Djoser
12-20-2009, 03:24 PM
This thread should be moved to Ladies Only.
Thinking men are gross because one man who has been lied to reacted that way is delusional, yes, and sexist as well.
Sounds like the guy was lying as well, in which case good riddance.
Ok exactly..So tell me when I "lied" to him???? It never came up.. so technically I didn't "LIE" to anyone nuff said.
That would never hold up in a court of law. Nor would the vast majority of men or women agree with you, except a few people here.
If he was lying to you as well then I don't think what you did was all that bad, but omitting to tell a man you are supposedly in love with that you have fucked a few hundred other men--for whatever reason--is a form of deception so thorough that I cannot believe anyone would ever dispute you were lying to him.
I am not trying to attack the OP, but encouraging her to believe she wasn't lying and wasn't cheating is coddling someone who lied and cheated (though of course if as she says he did it as well he was wrong as well).
And then saying 'men are gross' just destroys all credibility. What if I said 'All women are gross!' because I had a problem with a woman? Men and women both lie and cheat and fuck up in other ways.
So who's perfect? Not me, not the OP, not the people responding. We have all probably told a little lie here or there or maybe had a fling. No need to crucify anyone--but pretending we didn't do anything wrong is not the answer. Being honest about our sex lives with other people, whether it is professional or not, is the only way to go in a relationship.
It's called respect, and without respect there can be no true love.
From the sounds of it, there was actually very little respect between the two of them, the relationship was a sham on the part of both parties, and it is far better that it is over.
malayataylor
12-20-2009, 03:49 PM
Don't be ridiculous, you are not two years old you know exactly how stupid this sounds.
Seriously Fuck off. YOU'RE STUPID. Ladies only asap. Thanks for the advice everyone.. but please Trem go sit on your fucking thumb. I'm so sick of men chiming in ugh!
malayataylor
12-20-2009, 03:52 PM
This thread should be moved to Ladies Only.
Thinking men are gross because one man who has been lied to reacted that way is delusional, yes, and sexist as well.
Sounds like the guy was lying as well, in which case good riddance.
That would never hold up in a court of law. Nor would the vast majority of men or women agree with you, except a few people here.
If he was lying to you as well then I don't think what you did was all that bad, but omitting to tell a man you are supposedly in love with that you have fucked a few hundred other men--for whatever reason--is a form of deception so thorough that I cannot believe anyone would ever dispute you were lying to him.
I am not trying to attack the OP, but encouraging her to believe she wasn't lying and wasn't cheating is coddling someone who lied and cheated (though of course if as she says he did it as well he was wrong as well).
And then saying 'men are gross' just destroys all credibility. What if I said 'All women are gross!' because I had a problem with a woman? Men and women both lie and cheat and fuck up in other ways.
So who's perfect? Not me, not the OP, not the people responding. We have all probably told a little lie here or there or maybe had a fling. No need to crucify anyone--but pretending we didn't do anything wrong is not the answer. Being honest about our sex lives with other people, whether it is professional or not, is the only way to go in a relationship.
It's called respect, and without respect there can be no true love.
From the sounds of it, there was actually very little respect between the two of them, the relationship was a sham on the part of both parties, and it is far better that it is over.
I'm laughing my ass off at "a few hundred" not even close.. I just got started in this business. Thanks for the advice. though I feel like there is no right way in this situation. everyone's different. sorry.
Seriously Fuck off. YOU'RE STUPID. Ladies only asap. Thanks for the advice everyone.. but please Trem go sit on your fucking thumb. I'm so sick of men chiming in ugh!
Ok so you ARE two years old, gotcha.
Djoser
12-20-2009, 04:03 PM
I'm laughing my ass off at "a few hundred" not even close.. I just got started in this business. Thanks for the advice. though I feel like there is no right way in this situation. everyone's different. sorry.
My mistake. I assumed you'd been doing it a while from the OP description of how happy you were escorting, etc..
I would consider it grounds for instant, permanent dumping if I found out someone I was with gave even one HJ or BJ to another guy, for money or not, especially if they hid it from me. But if I was lying to her as well about sex with others, as your guy apparently did, I would have no reason to be angry or upset.
It should be moved to Ladies Only ASAP. I can't do it or I would right now.
I hope you can move on and be happy soon.
malayataylor
12-20-2009, 04:10 PM
I'm just going to IGNORE the stupid men on this thread.
Djoser: Thanks.. I've moved on.. at least I'm trying to..
malayataylor
12-20-2009, 04:10 PM
Ok so you ARE two years old, gotcha.
Ok so you ARE gay, gotcha!
Elvia
12-20-2009, 04:36 PM
Ok exactly..So tell me when I "lied" to him???? It never came up.. so technically I didn't "LIE" to anyone nuff said.
That's a lie by omission.
Elvia
12-21-2009, 01:55 PM
I do want to ad though, that in light of this new information this guy does sound like an asshole, and given his deception, has nothing to complain about. Sorry, Malaya, I didn't realize there was new updates, I thought you were just that pissed at him over looking at the CD.
I also want to ad that, even though we disagree on some things and it's gotten heated, I don't dislike Malaya. I think she has a wealth of great information about working in the sex industry and we're lucky to have her around here. And I also admire her for helping other girls around here who do camming learn how to take their business into their own hands and away from the often exploitative cam companies. I'm glad to hear that she's done with this crappy situation and will no doubt be moving on to find the man she deserves that she can be herself around.
malayataylor
12-21-2009, 02:53 PM
I do want to ad though, that in light of this new information this guy does sound like an asshole, and given his deception, has nothing to complain about. Sorry, Malaya, I didn't realize there was new updates, I thought you were just that pissed at him over looking at the CD.
I also want to ad that, even though we disagree on some things and it's gotten heated, I don't dislike Malaya. I think she has a wealth of great information about working in the sex industry and we're lucky to have her around here. And I also admire her for helping other girls around here who do camming learn how to take their business into their own hands and away from the often exploitative cam companies. I'm glad to hear that she's done with this crappy situation and will no doubt be moving on to find a man she deserves that she can be herself around.
:O Thanks Elvia :)
Clara_M
12-21-2009, 03:19 PM
Two issues:
1) He had no business looking at the CD without asking you. I'd break up with him for that. Even if it fell out of your purse, it's not his to pop into a computer and look at.
2) It's not fair to him not to know what you do for a living. If I were him, I'd break up with you for not telling me (well, not if we were just dating, but if the relationship had moved into a more committed stage). I wouldn't break up with you for being an escort, but for keeping it from me. OTOH, how do guys think... BF says the same, but let's see how he reacts when I tell him I'm going to become an escort :-). Whether he'd be right or wrong to care, it's his call whether he does.
C
malayataylor
12-21-2009, 03:51 PM
Two issues:
1) He had no business looking at the CD without asking you. I'd break up with him for that. Even if it fell out of your purse, it's not his to pop into a computer and look at.
2) It's not fair to him not to know what you do for a living. If I were him, I'd break up with you for not telling me (well, not if we were just dating, but if the relationship had moved into a more committed stage). I wouldn't break up with you for being an escort, but for keeping it from me. OTOH, how do guys think... BF says the same, but let's see how he reacts when I tell him I'm going to become an escort :-). Whether he'd be right or wrong to care, it's his call whether he does.
C
I would love to hear how it goes :)
Elvia
12-21-2009, 03:55 PM
Good luck Clara!
bluexxxtasy
12-23-2009, 08:20 PM
i guess ill chime in here-
This is just me but speakin i do porn anything in the sex industry that involves sexual activity i would tell my sig other/boyfriend out of the respect that shit does happen no matter how protective u are and i like to put all my cards out on the table and if that other person cant take the heat then we all need to leave the kitchen asap..
There was never trust to begin with. if a guy had trust in u an the relationship, that cd or anything else could have fallen out an that guy would have got on the phone like hey u left ur cd, and did not look at it or put it on his computer..if anything might have just asked whats that about...
im a person all for solutions... if u have a problem with something then find a solution. lets say he did kno u were an escort or found out.. a real man would have his shit together to at least give u some better options. im not saying making u stop doing whatever u are doing but by having his shit together like money, house, $ in the bank so that when u look at the situation, u can clearly see that wow he has his shit together, i technically dnt have to lift a finger if i dnt want to other that cam at the house or something..
lastly...lets face it men will always be insecure. there is a rare man in any race that will be secure within himself to take his girl dancing at the strip club, doing porn, or escorting as just a job and not some extracirricular activity where u are going to leave him for ur client/co star..thats just something we all have to face and accept when it comes to being in relationships and doing what we do in the adult industry
and hey when all else fails get urself a hitachi plug it in and turn that bitch on high and enjoy the rest of ur night with who ever u got in mind lmao
malayataylor
12-23-2009, 08:27 PM
i guess ill chime in here-
This is just me but speakin i do porn anything in the sex industry that involves sexual activity i would tell my sig other/boyfriend out of the respect that shit does happen no matter how protective u are and i like to put all my cards out on the table and if that other person cant take the heat then we all need to leave the kitchen asap..
There was never trust to begin with. if a guy had trust in u an the relationship, that cd or anything else could have fallen out an that guy would have got on the phone like hey u left ur cd, and did not look at it or put it on his computer..if anything might have just asked whats that about...
im a person all for solutions... if u have a problem with something then find a solution. lets say he did kno u were an escort or found out.. a real man would have his shit together to at least give u some better options. im not saying making u stop doing whatever u are doing but by having his shit together like money, house, $ in the bank so that when u look at the situation, u can clearly see that wow he has his shit together, i technically dnt have to lift a finger if i dnt want to other that cam at the house or something..
lastly...lets face it men will always be insecure. there is a rare man in any race that will be secure within himself to take his girl dancing at the strip club, doing porn, or escorting as just a job and not some extracirricular activity where u are going to leave him for ur client/co star..thats just something we all have to face and accept when it comes to being in relationships and doing what we do in the adult industry
I don't have to work but I do because I have a daughter and I don't ask my parents for shit. My dad owns 2 resorts in Nigeria and one in South Africa. My family is pretty well off. If I wanted to I could say fuck it and move to Nigeria and sit pretty. My ex is a Petroleum engineer and pretty much has enough money to probably take care of me and my family. He asked me to move in with him several times and I said no.. He's very respected in our "community" he wouldn't have taken it lightly at all i'm just guessing here but oh well .. I'll never know now.
bluexxxtasy
12-23-2009, 08:30 PM
yeah thats why i said that.. but things happen for a reason.. better now than later
I don't have to work but I do because I have a daughter. My dad owns 2 resorts in Nigeria and one in South Africa. My family is pretty well off. My ex is a Petroleum engineer and pretty much has enough money to probably take care of me and my family. He asked me to move in with him several times and I said no.. He's very respected in our "community" he wouldn't have taken it lightly at all i'm just guessing here but oh well .. I'll never know now.
malayataylor
12-23-2009, 08:35 PM
yeah thats why i said that.. but things happen for a reason.. better now than later
I know what you mean. It could have been worse. I'm glad I broke up with him actually.. I can finally breathe. I mean my people are so strict girl, If ANYONE in my personal life saw me in anything like porn? let alone an escort ad? Omg.. they'd probably fedex my ass back to nigeria and seize my passport.
Djoser
12-24-2009, 10:59 PM
lastly...lets face it men will always be insecure. there is a rare man in any race that will be secure within himself to take his girl dancing at the strip club, doing porn, or escorting as just a job and not some extracirricular activity where u are going to leave him for ur client/co star..thats just something we all have to face and accept when it comes to being in relationships and doing what we do in the adult industry
Bullshit.
People are insecure. There is a rare woman of any race that will be secure within herself to take her guy dancing at the male strip club, doing porn, or escorting as just a job. I have seen just as much trouble from women getting jealous in this business as the men.
bluexxxtasy
12-24-2009, 11:51 PM
Some people and females are insecure. however i have no issues if my man wanted to go to a strip club or do the same stuff i do.. i look at it like this: you know who i am and i know what i bring to the table and vis versa if ever the day comes u want to walk away w the stripper, or the porn chick then apparently thats the best thing for u...it may sound concieted but thats how i am.. just like the 1 i got now he may play around bout how he may b lookin 4 one on the side but let another girl want to have him or he go with her.. by all mean ill help him leave lmao
Bullshit.
People are insecure. There is a rare woman of any race that will be secure within herself to take her guy dancing at the male strip club, doing porn, or escorting as just a job. I have seen just as much trouble from women getting jealous in this business as the men.
Djoser
12-25-2009, 12:03 AM
Yeah that's why I tend to stick with women in the business, lol. Civilian women tend to freak out if they hear you are a stripclub DJ. But even that's no guarantee there won't be jealousy or problems. I have dated a few really jealous insecure dancers.
laurcon
12-29-2009, 12:19 PM
Some people and females are insecure. however i have no issues if my man wanted to go to a strip club or do the same stuff i do.. i look at it like this: you know who i am and i know what i bring to the table and vis versa if ever the day comes u want to walk away w the stripper, or the porn chick then apparently thats the best thing for u...it may sound concieted but thats how i am.. just like the 1 i got now he may play around bout how he may b lookin 4 one on the side but let another girl want to have him or he go with her.. by all mean ill help him leave lmao
i agree 100%!! jealousy is so pointless and egotistical.
Xiomara
12-29-2009, 01:03 PM
Im sorry that had to happen. I know it was hard keepng that a secret. I hope everything works out for u.
sweetiepie
12-30-2009, 05:31 AM
Ahhhh, im sorry hun. I know exactly how you feel, im not an escort but im a dancer who lives a bit of double life. I feel its best that you dont always let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, but it is SO hard holding in lies. Its hard to come by a great man these days (especially a blk one) but i find it hard to have a relationship in this industry as most great men arent so understanding to this line of work. Also guys always make you feel guilty when they do know what your doing. My ex wanted me to stop and it made it so hard for me to focus on making money because i knew he didnt want me there, at the same time he wasnt doing anything solid to help me quit....Frustrating! You are totally right to focus on your money. I'll be doing the same.
malayataylor
12-30-2009, 01:14 PM
He keeps blowing up my phone! Ha! I'm so oooover him. I even saved his name under "Donotanswer"..hahaha
Clara_M
12-31-2009, 01:24 PM
I would love to hear how it goes :)
I meant it more rhetorically, so sorry :-). And for the delay in answering: I didn't log on for a good while.
/c