View Full Version : can't they pretend it's not just about fucking us?
jaizaine
02-04-2010, 05:47 AM
^^
that really makes sense. I think, using your ideas that basically I want men to see me as the LTR type not the easy fuck type (which I am far from). I am looking for love and something real and I don't want to kiss heaps of frogs to get to the prince (as they say).
As I don't disclose my dancing and I only tell them that I am a recently qualified lawyer (I have just become fully qualified but have not started working full time) I can only assume that they are going on my appearance - long blonde hair, tiny petite girl with big boobs. Maybe men can't help getting horny around me lol :O:P
That's fine and understandable but when I talk to them I think it should be clear that I am an intelligent woman who is not just up for a bit of fun.
xoxo
jack0177057
02-04-2010, 09:02 AM
As I don't disclose my dancing and I only tell them that I am a recently qualified lawyer (I have just become fully qualified but have not started working full time) I can only assume that they are going on my appearance -
I don't know about Australia, but a very ambitious female lawyer in the US can be as much the "easy fuck type" as the "LTR type"... Its not so much that they're "easy", but rather that they're not looking for a LTR because they're too focused on their careers. They don't want the drama of a LTR (and potentially, marriage, kids, etc.) to derail them from climbing up the partnership ladder to the top. They're married to their work. But, as "sexually liberated" "post-feminism" sophisticated women, they enjoy the social company of men and casual hook-ups, guilt-free.
I am not saying that these women who choose to focus on their education and careers, and are liberal and casual with their relationships should be judged or blamed for anything. Its a choice that they have a right to make. But, yes, it does make things a little more confusing for us men. If I met a single ambitious female lawyer (in a major cosmopolitan city) who talked about her work with passion, my initial assessment would be that she is not looking for a serious LTR and that "romancing" her might scare her away. I'm not saying I would do anything as rude as texting her a pic of my dick, though. I would just play it casual and let her know that I'm attracted to her and available to her as a sex partner.
Jessie_tinydancer
02-04-2010, 09:06 AM
^ Im not sure whether or not I agree, but its funny one of my wildest female friends is a lawyer. This chick is insane. She's the kinda chick who would love receiving dick pics.
^^
Maybe men can't help getting horny around me lol :O:P
Perfectly possible, but it's not an excuse to act like a low class D bag. Yes, it's possible your appearance, be it boobs, blond hair, or other, leads them to some assumption, but you know what they say about assumptions. Speaking of which, back when I was a much larger muscle head, I purchased a pair of nice Armani glasses, had clear glass put in them, and wore them for seminars, dates, etc. The simple glasses changed the way people viewed me for just long enough so they realized I was as smart - probably smarter - then they were.* People make assumptions within seconds of meeting a person, and assumptions (really stereotypes) that are built into their shallow brains, will often dictate how they act toward you. Whether all this applies to you I don't know, but I did date an beautiful lawyer once who really had a hard time being taken seriously in both business and relationships with men.
* = now I actually need glasses! :O
carmen_b
02-05-2010, 10:33 AM
Jack : Yikes ........ I'm kind of career focused ( and I hide my dancing until I really get to know someone). I wonder if this holds true for me too. It just doesn't make SENSE to me because I want it all ( I want my career together and I'm ONLY interested in relationships / long term stuff ..... NOT friends with benefits ).
I don't want to only be seen as "casual fun girl", but it happens to me again and again and again even though I'm articulate and carry myself really well.
carmen_b
02-05-2010, 10:37 AM
I think you need to tell guys early on in the relationship what you like and don't like... If he does something really shitty, like what you mentioned, you need to confront him and say something like - "Look, I don't know what kind of girl you think I am or what kind of girls you've dated in the past, but....."
Advise me on what to do with the guy who hit on me, I responded, and then he hasn't contacted me for a week even though I told him to! I have him the green light to contact me and we only made out ( I didn't do anything sexual with him ) . I am NOT in the fun / casual category. Maybe he's like you and doesn't want anything long term right now .........
jack0177057
02-05-2010, 10:58 AM
I don't want to only be seen as "casual fun girl", but it happens to me again and again and again even though I'm articulate and carry myself really well.
It sounds like you're making the assumption that only "low-class" uneducated women are "casual fun girls" (or perceived as such)... Classy, smart sophisticated women have embraced the casual "hook-up" lifestyle because it gives them greater flexibility in their careers.
I'm not saying that the ambitious high-powered female lawyer doesn't want to find "Mr. Right",... but she isn't waiting for him, desperately looking or putting her life (or sexuality) on hold until she finds him... In the meantime, she dates "Mr. Right Now" and she enjoys the full extent of her sexuality, without making apologies.
You might be intimidating men. They could look at you and think - I don't measure up to be her "Mr. Right", but I'm happy to be her "Mr. Right Now".
jack0177057
02-05-2010, 11:21 AM
Advise me on what to do with the guy who hit on me, I responded, and then he hasn't contacted me for a week even though I told him to! I have him the green light to contact me and we only made out ( I didn't do anything sexual with him ) . I am NOT in the fun / casual category. Maybe he's like you and doesn't want anything long term right now .........
It sounds to me like he's playing games. I hate people that play games... they're just not necessary, anymore, because most of the time, you can be honest, and still get what you want... Its just a pure ego thing.
I didn't want a LTR in college, but I am in one now...
carmen_b
02-08-2010, 01:11 PM
Jai:
How is the dating going ? Things are on hold here. The guy I liked didn't follow correct protocol ( meaning ...... he responded to my email ..... but not with an invite out ). I refuse to ask him out or spoon feed him my time, so I'm back to square one.
I dated another guy who has followed good dating protocol ( touched base a few days later, asked me out again ect. ). One problem ..... his teeth. He is really attractive and he should get them fixed, but it's not like I can tell him that ( mine aren't perfect either .... but they are "good" ).
I'm just working a lot and focusing on saving cash for Hawaii . That gives me something else to focus on instead of worrying about what Mr good kisser that isn't persuing me is doing.
wanderlust08
02-08-2010, 02:01 PM
....and the second you give them any indication that they have even half a chance it flips over straight to the sex talk.
you know, first it's "i love the way your mind works, blah blah blah...", you give them a little bit of hope, and then it's, "so what are you into in bed?"
ugh. this is why i don't wanna date anymore.
i gave this one guy who used to be a good friend of mine a little bit of hope in dating me and he completely screwed it up before we even reached go. seriously, i'm done. i don't have the time or the patience to try and pursue a relationship with anyone right now.
that, and the chances of me finding a hot tattooed indie boy with buddy holly glasses who attends political rallies, doesn't cheat, makes good money, has decent credit, AND is cool with dating an adult entertainer with two kids is damn near impossible...ESPECIALLY in this city.
i'll stick with my vibrator and tivo'd episodes of the vampire diaries, thanks.
carmen_b
02-08-2010, 02:26 PM
^ Haha. My criteria is even low ( good kisser / good cuddler / takes me out / goes to movies / good person / doesn't cheat / std free / wants a hot sex life ) and even I'm having a hard time. Actually .... I want the makes decent money / good credit thing too so maybe my citeria is sort of high. No kids and not fat would also be awesome! There is my list sent out into the universe. Now .... put him in front of me NOW. I'm impatient.
Did I really blow it with R the athlete just by inviting myself to his house for a makeout session? I just wanted to kiss more and it was cold outside .......... ;(
good credit thing too so maybe my citeria is sort of high. ;(
Refuse to date any guy with a credit score under 800? :P/:O:O
jack0177057
02-08-2010, 05:14 PM
that, and the chances of me finding a hot tattooed indie boy with buddy holly glasses who attends political rallies, doesn't cheat, makes good money, has decent credit, AND is cool with dating an adult entertainer with two kids is damn near impossible...ESPECIALLY in this city.
^ Haha. My criteria is even low ( good kisser / good cuddler / takes me out / goes to movies / good person / doesn't cheat / std free / wants a hot sex life ) and even I'm having a hard time.
I know you both think you're not asking for much, but, could it be that you're looking for an "alpha male" type personality - the type that is very unlikely to be looking to settle into a LTR relationship?
I've known "nice" guys who would love to be in a LTR with a beautiful and caring woman. They are decent, reliable and hard working, with good jobs (e.g., accountants, IT professionals, tax lawyers, etc.) but, girls like you (i.e., beautiful) would never give them the time of day, because they are "nerdy" - reserved, insecure around women, and don't have a perfect body.
sxcbbw
02-08-2010, 06:26 PM
I know you both think you're not asking for much, but, could it be that you're looking for an "alpha male" type personality - the type that is very unlikely to be looking to settle into a LTR relationship?
I've known "nice" guys who would love to be in a LTR with a beautiful and caring woman. They are decent, reliable and hard working, with good jobs (e.g., accountants, IT professionals, tax lawyers, etc.) but, girls like you (i.e., beautiful) would never give them the time of day, because they are "nerdy" - reserved, insecure around women, and don't have a perfect body.
Ahh, but where did they say they couldn't be nerds, had to be unreserved, totally secure, and have a perfect body? ;)
I like to think I'm pretty beautiful, my standards skyrocketed a while back - and damn, do I love my nerd. It's our 2 year anniversary soon and I am childishly excited.
jack0177057
02-08-2010, 07:17 PM
^^^ In that case, I should set up a matchmaking service, hooking up "nice" lonely nerdy guys (I meet these guys in legal and tax seminars) with beautiful dancers for LTRs... I would make a shitload of money doing this!
KS_Stevia
02-08-2010, 07:36 PM
Not really. Most dancers don't want these guys, not while they are young and fun and beautiful. I don't even think the previous poster is even a dancer.
jaizaine
02-08-2010, 10:30 PM
I'm not dating actually. I met a guy who seemed really nice and he hasn't done anything to change my mind on that but then I found out he is 23 :O I am 30 so I don't see long term potential in that.
I just don't get it. Men look so much older than women. He looks older than me!! He works outdoors, he is a concreter so I guess the sun has aged him. How frustrating!!
Every time I meet a guy who I am attracted to they are much younger than I am.
carmen_b
02-09-2010, 12:51 AM
Jack : I fucking love nerds. The other girl who pointed out that I DIDN'T say " 6 pack abs , tough , ect. " was dead on. Give me brains and a little tummy pudge and I'm seriously happy with it.
Just don't be a douchebag who makes moves on me and then makes out with me at the movie and THEN decides NOT to ask me out. WATCH OUT R - you are on my shitlist. That indie cinema is my favorite and is a sacred space to me. I was excited to share our first kiss there. I just didn't realize I only got you for one night. Fucking Idiot.
^ THIS IS WHAT I DON'T GET. I responded to his moves and then he doesn't ask me out. Maybe I got too aggressive by responding too quickly ? I didn't respond the FIRST time ( I left him tickle my hair and massage me , but I didn't do a thing back ). I waited until he hit on me AGAIN to respond. Wasn't that enough " hard to get " effort ?
carmen_b
02-09-2010, 12:57 AM
Jai: He sounds hot. I've got to admit .... I'd be tempted even with the age gap. I can name 30 year old guys who don't have a clue and I can name some ( like my friend D ) who bought his home, works hard, and is very with it at that age.
jaizaine
02-09-2010, 01:11 AM
^^
he is very hot. It's the first person I have been intensely attracted to in years. I have fleeting moments of thinking a person is good looking but it is just from an intellectual viewpoint not a sexual way.
carmen_b
02-09-2010, 01:23 AM
I think you should go for it. ;)
Hockeyfan_4
02-09-2010, 10:33 AM
I'm not dating actually. I met a guy who seemed really nice and he hasn't done anything to change my mind on that but then I found out he is 23 :O I am 30 so I don't see long term potential in that.
I just don't get it. Men look so much older than women. He looks older than me!! He works outdoors, he is a concreter so I guess the sun has aged him. How frustrating!!
Every time I meet a guy who I am attracted to they are much younger than I am.
If he is a gentleman, you enjoy his company and are attracted to him does his age really make that big of a differance?
Optimist
02-10-2010, 12:55 AM
^^^Hell yeah! He has years of learning and growing to do. She wants a grown-ass man not a twinkie boy.
jaizaine
02-10-2010, 12:57 AM
Yeah have to agree with Optimist. Age does matter - a few years no but 7 years younger yes. I want to get serious with someone and I don't see that as possible with a guy his age.
I know it's more acceptable these days but when I look at someone like demi moore I just can't help but think she looks like a damn fool.
Jessie_tinydancer
02-10-2010, 03:54 AM
^ I also agree. 23 is way too young. I mean there could be some magic 23-year-old out there, but unlikely. She is 30. She needs a guy with an education and career who is ready to be in a monogamous relationship with "forever" potential.
Not a sexy tradesman. (although sounds like he is good for a shag Jai).
I'm personally not usually attracted to anyone younger than me but I did catch myself checking out some boys in my university lecture today... I think they may have been 18! Yikes.
jaizaine
02-10-2010, 09:02 AM
^^
summed it up perfectly hun. i would date a tradesman though. I actually like dating men who are not academic just think it's spices things up a bit. My ex (not the horrible one) was a graphic designer. he is amazingly creative - something foreign to me lol. It was nice. Creative people's brains work so differently to academics. Differences are nice sometimes.
he totally might be good for some sex tho lol. but i don't know....i get too attached to people i sleep with and i don't want that to happen.
Also if someone looks THAT much older at 23 imagine what they will look like when they are actually in their 30s.
wanderlust08
02-10-2010, 11:31 AM
I know you both think you're not asking for much, but, could it be that you're looking for an "alpha male" type personality - the type that is very unlikely to be looking to settle into a LTR relationship?
I've known "nice" guys who would love to be in a LTR with a beautiful and caring woman. They are decent, reliable and hard working, with good jobs (e.g., accountants, IT professionals, tax lawyers, etc.) but, girls like you (i.e., beautiful) would never give them the time of day, because they are "nerdy" - reserved, insecure around women, and don't have a perfect body.
Okay, first of all...in what universe does INDIE equal ALPHA MALE???? Indie boys tend to be very reserved, intelligent, laid back, and artsy. Alpha males = loud mouthed, stupid, always have to be the center of attention, and way too into themselves...and sports. I absolutely DESPISE alpha males, I take great pride in knocking them down a few pegs.
When I'm not working in the adult biz, guess what other industry I work in? The computer industry! Most of my male friends are "geeks" by default, and I prefer the company of geeks (FYI....Indie boys are usually quite geeky.)
And as far as the "perfect body" comment goes...I like rail-thin, borderline anorexic boys...sue me. Certainly not the "ideal" body type in present-day society, and as far as the other end of the spectrum, with overweight men...it's nothing personal, but 1) Sexual attraction is a major part of a romantic relationship. A relationship isn't going to work if you can't even look at your partner naked. And 2) I weigh 93 lbs. I don't want to be with a guy who will crush me in the sack!
You don't know me. You don't know anything about me other than the fact that I work in the adult industry, and you've made up some broad generalization about me that basically boils down to "since she's at least attractive enough to take off her clothes for money, then she MUST be a shallow airhead who likes alpha males." Give me a break.
Major fail, sir.
jack0177057
02-10-2010, 06:11 PM
^^^ Chill girl, I said "could it be..." - as in exploring one possibility. I was not making a definite prognosis. Some women complain about the types of guys they "attract", when actually, they won't even consider any other type.
I don't know what the INDIE subculture is like, but if it is alternative, intellectual, free-spirited and counter-cultural, maybe the concept of a LTR is too antiquated for them... I'm just saying maybe.
Another possibility - again, just exploring possibilities here - is the locale and culture where you live. I grew up in NYC where 99% of guys want to be "players" until late 30s to 40s, when they start getting fat and bald and need to grab onto something pretty before its too late (same is true for countries like Spain and Italy). However, here in Texas (other than Dallas, Austin and Houston), there are guys getting married in their early 20s to their high school sweethearts.
Obviously I'm overgeneralizing. How else can we talk about people? There's about 6,801,983,222 of them on this planet.
wanderlust08
02-10-2010, 06:22 PM
Ehhh, I live in Raleigh right now...medium sized town, equal mix of traditionalists and counter culturalists.
I don't think I'm going to meet anyone in this town, and I don't plan on staying here forever. I have exhausted all the metal-heads, geeks in my age bracket, and indie boys. I refuse to date meatheads, and the traditionalists really don't know how to handle me.
And I think there's a mental block on me meeting anyone because deep down I don't want a relationship at the moment. Law of attraction states that you only attract the things you think about/want most.
I guess when I get to a place where I REALLY want and focus on a healthy relationship it will happen. Til then...time to focus on work.
And I'm PMSing like a mofo right now, take no offense to my cattiness.
jack0177057
02-10-2010, 06:39 PM
^^^ No offense taken... Not to change the subject, but... wow... you're beautiful (saw your pic). I could become an INDIE dude.
wanderlust08
02-10-2010, 06:40 PM
aw, thanks.
jack0177057
02-10-2010, 06:45 PM
^^^ I'm transforming right now... the INDIE thing is happening... "rail-thin, borderline anorexic" - that may take a couple of months...
carmen_b
02-13-2010, 12:49 PM
I guess 23 is too young for a relationship. My hormones were typing earlier and now my brain is.
jaizaine
02-15-2010, 12:11 AM
Also if someone looks THAT much older at 23 imagine what they will look like when they are actually in their 30s.
That's not the type of thing that would bother me at all. It's about him prob not being in the right time of his life to be in a serious relationship. ;)
Djoser
02-15-2010, 02:55 AM
What the hell is an 'Indie'?
ArmySGT.
02-15-2010, 03:26 AM
What the hell is an 'Indie'?
Independent.
sxcbbw
02-15-2010, 03:31 AM
Independent.
Preeeeetty sure they're talking about hipsters.
ArmySGT.
02-15-2010, 03:36 AM
Preeeeetty sure they're talking about hipsters.
synonymous now.
sxcbbw
02-15-2010, 03:42 AM
synonymous now.
Sort of, in that indie kids are associated with independent music labels; I'm just clarifying that an indie kid doesn't mean an independent person.
hot4ablackchick
02-15-2010, 06:33 AM
Yeah have to agree with Optimist. Age does matter - a few years no but 7 years younger yes. I want to get serious with someone and I don't see that as possible with a guy his age.
I know it's more acceptable these days but when I look at someone like demi moore I just can't help but think she looks like a damn fool.
:D LOL at Demi Moore.
I couldn't think about having a serious relationship with someone who was younger than me. I am 27, and I would not want to date someone who is 23. I tell my hubby he is too young for me and he is 31. Its not very often when I am very attracted to someone younger than 34. I don't know what I would be doing if I was seriously trying to find someone these days. There are just too many douchebags out there. I say good luck, and never ever lower your standards. Every woman should be picky, and with your beauty you should be VERY picky! I had no idea about the cock pic thing, I can't believe guys actually do that!
jaizaine
02-15-2010, 01:02 PM
^^
thank u, you're a lovely lady xoxo mwah.
we should start a group "say no to cock pics" LOL
KS_Stevia
02-15-2010, 04:39 PM
I think Demi Moore is doing just fine and could care less if she looks like a damn fool. I think she has some kind of rad business thing going, with Ashton, Bruce, her kids....its all an extended family...like people used to have in villages. They all seem to be enjoying their lives and very productive.
Who give a SHIT what you think of her. She looks amazing, has a great family, the support of her baby daddy, and a hot (if not stupid acting) young, energetic boyfriend who is now running his own company.
Most women would KILL to be her...or some semblance of that. Not a fool at all.
Jessie_tinydancer
02-16-2010, 03:37 AM
^No doubt. But I'm not included in that group of women. Nothing about her life is appealing to me except the rich part.
Djoser
02-16-2010, 04:34 AM
Sort of, in that indie kids are associated with independent music labels; I'm just clarifying that an indie kid doesn't mean an independent person.
So an 'Indie' is an independent musician? Or someone who is eclectic and non-conformist?
The former will have no trouble attracting women, the latter will often have a great deal of trouble, unless they live in an area that encourages cultural diversity and the free exchange of new ideas, etc. The entire state of Florida is right out. :D
Except the Keys.
carmen_b
02-16-2010, 07:56 PM
I think Demi has done GREAT things for women kind. Enough with all these guy dating 15-20 their junior and thinking that only THEY can get away with it. They aren't the only ones who find a younger mate sexy and it's awesome.