View Full Version : Asexuality
charlie61
09-26-2010, 11:32 AM
A couple of obvious suggestions, sorry if it's annoying. Try closing your eyes and letting your SO do whatever you do to yourself to get off. Maybe you could take care of your SO just between your thighs with some lube. You might feel less put upon that way, so a more pleasant experience for both of you.
When you look at yourself in the mirror or in a picture, do you see how beautiful you are? Do you enjoy looking at the faces/bodies of attractive men/women? Sorry if I'm being obnoxious, you seem fairly OK about explaining.
Your first suggestion is similar to if I were to suggest to you that the next time your boyfriend wants to have sex with you, you should just close your eyes and let him do to you what you do to get yourself off (assuming you're straight). It's a matter of sexual preference. I have no interest in doing anything...anything sexual with my SO. It's as much a turn-off as it would be for you to try to have sex with a man. I don't even want to masturbate in front of him; it just holds no interest for me. It's a total turn-off. :-\
As to your questions--I do find myself attractive now, but I haven't always. I was pretty unattractive growing up, so sometimes I still see that awkward teenager when I look in the mirror. But I am currently very pleased with my appearance.
And I love looking at attractive men/women--their faces, their bodies, etc. I watch porn (I have a voyeuristic streak) to get off sometimes, and I fantasize about sex when I get off regularly. But I don't experience any actual desire. The second I'm in a situation with someone where something might happen, I have absolutely no desire to do anything sexual with them. It's pretty much analogous to how straight women can fantasize about fucking women and yet not actually want to act on these desires.
Feel free to ask any other questions--it's a very different way of thinking.
ilbbaicnl
09-26-2010, 12:00 PM
Your first suggestion is similar to if I were to suggest to you that the next time your boyfriend wants to have sex with you, you should just close your eyes and let him do to you what you do to get yourself off (assuming you're straight). It's a matter of sexual preference. I have no interest in doing anything...anything sexual with my SO. It's as much a turn-off as it would be for you to try to have sex with a man. I don't even want to masturbate in front of him; it just holds no interest for me. It's a total turn-off. :-\
As to your questions--I do find myself attractive now, but I haven't always. I was pretty unattractive growing up, so sometimes I still see that awkward teenager when I look in the mirror. But I am currently very pleased with my appearance.
And I love looking at attractive men/women--their faces, their bodies, etc. I watch porn (I have a voyeuristic streak) to get off sometimes, and I fantasize about sex when I get off regularly. But I don't experience any actual desire. The second I'm in a situation with someone where something might happen, I have absolutely no desire to do anything sexual with them. It's pretty much analogous to how straight women can fantasize about fucking women and yet not actually want to act on these desires.
Feel free to ask any other questions--it's a very different way of thinking.
So why isn't this straight-up voyuerism? I would think asexual would be either no arousal or jerking-off with your mind a blank.
Would it appeal to you for your SO to get an exhibitionist fuck buddy, and then you watch them? Dang, this is getting like math problem number 2 on this website, we need a consult from Athena.
If your SO caresses you but stays away from the naughty bits, is that good, meh, or icky?
Except for a while at the begginning, my marriage (which lasted many, many years) was sexless. But compared to all the positives, the lack of sex was a serious but relatively unimportant problem. So hang in there.
I'm worse than Susan Boyle, I've never had a boyfriend.
charlie61
09-26-2010, 12:09 PM
So why isn't this straight-up voyuerism? I would think asexual would be either no arousal or jerking-off with your mind a blank.
Would it appeal to you for your SO to get an exhibitionist fuck buddy, and then you watch them? Dang, this is getting like math problem number 2 on this website, we need a consult from Athena.
If your SO caresses you but stays away from the naughty bits, is that good, meh, or icky?
1) I have a voyeuristic streak, but it's not my primary interest by any means. I don't see my sexuality as stemming from voyeurism. I have learned to associate sex with getting off, so that's my connection to my sex life right now. You have to remember that sexuality exists on a continuum....It isn't often that people fit into neat little categories. And mine is complicated as hell!
2) I'm in a non-monogamous relationship, but my SO is naturally monogamous. He doesn't desire any one else, and has no interest in having a fuckbuddy. He highly connects sex with his emotions, and only wants to sleep with me.
3) I love it when my SO touches me. Hugging, cuddling, massage--love it all. I only get turned off when the touching has sexual intent.
That sucks about your marriage. I sleep with my SO around 3x/week, so it's definitely not sexless! He just has to accept that I don't get anything out of it. In three years of dating, I've come less than a handful of times with him, and the orgasms were flukes (not to mention not very satisfying). He's starting to learn that giving me a backrub is much more important to me than giving me an orgasm.
Jay12
09-28-2010, 12:43 AM
I honestly wish I was asexual; my sex addiction is driving me insane!
melb_oz_n00b
12-21-2010, 09:54 AM
That said, Aussie men are notoriously bad in bed. Two of the three decent lovers I've had weren't from here.
Yeah, gotta agree. One Aussie has been quite good, but still not the best. Brazillian and Colombian all the way. Even the ones who were very inexperienced and geeky (before I taught them a few things ;)) seemed to have a natural knack for kissing, touching etc. It's not purely about getting off - their cultures are just far more at ease with bodies and intimacy than Aussie culture. And they actually care and take great pride in getting you off, even if it's just casual, not a relationship. Other guys - especially Anglo guys - assume you're not going to cum so they don't bother.
Maybe we should prescribe a trip to South America for the asexual girls.:D
nocturne
12-21-2010, 10:45 AM
I wonder if it has to do with the man. I know that sounds like something the guy would say ('Baby, you just haven't met the right guy...'), but I can identify with this in the case of some men but not others, which might have to do with the natural attraction or just their ability to take their time and turn me on. Most men just go straight for penetration, and women usually need a little warm up first, more than men do (or seem to). So in the hands of the right partner, someone capable of a little teasing foreplay, your libido might spike through the roof.
charlie61
12-21-2010, 11:05 AM
I wonder if it has to do with the man. I know that sounds like something the guy would say ('Baby, you just haven't met the right guy...'), but I can identify with this in the case of some men but not others, which might have to do with the natural attraction or just their ability to take their time and turn me on. Most men just go straight for penetration, and women usually need a little warm up first, more than men do (or seem to). So in the hands of the right partner, someone capable of a little teasing foreplay, your libido might spike through the roof.
Haha, that is EXACTLY what men/women tell me all of the time.
For me personally, it does not matter who the person is. Some people I feel slightly more or less attracted to, but the difference isn't significant.
Arizona_Angel
12-21-2010, 10:00 PM
I just read this thread and I can empathize a bit actually. For a long time I felt nothing sexually, it was just movement or whatever. I attributed that to the fact that I had been an escort....and it could have very well been. I loved sex and all, just when it was for the hell of it...or for "free" (to be crude) it was boring. I found myself completely out of sync and it was horrible. Sex for fun or love was excruciating.
Only recently have I found the actual pleasure in sex - men and women - but in all reality sometimes I just want myself! LOL. No pressure, no bullsh*t - I know what I want, I'm done and asleep in five minutes.
I no longer put such an emphasis on sex and it's so liberating in a way! Now I know when I go out dancing with my girlfriends and drink and have fun, that there is no way in hell those boys or girls buying me drinks all night are going to get anything from me. ;)
(Sorry if my post was TMI!!)
Jay12
12-22-2010, 12:27 AM
I wish I was asexual.
Athenathefabulous
12-22-2010, 04:08 AM
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charlie61
12-22-2010, 07:48 AM
do you think this could possibly be due to the fact that you danced long before you had sex? dancing kills all of our sex drives (well most of ours at least) and can definitely create a resistance to sexual intent. but most of us learned to enjoy sex before dancing. do you think this possibly could be due to dancing destroying your sex drive before you were able to let it develop? i think if i never had sex before dancing i would be terrified of it. im not trying to discredit asexuality, but just some food for thought...
No offense taken at all! It's a possibility. Right now I'm taking an extended break from dancing, and I'm also going off of BC (which can kill peoples' sex drives)...so we'll see if I change. I don't think I will though. Ever since I've been interested in people romantically, I've never desired anyone sexually.
FiendishGyrator
12-24-2010, 05:40 AM
Saffron--look up D-Mannose for UTIs re: gettinng them when.using condoms.
MissLucy
03-03-2011, 08:10 AM
This thread almost brought me to tears. I went from feeling like a prude/weirdo to feeling normal. Its such a relief to know that its not being "sick" that I feel this way, its just the way my mind and body work. The more I read the more my actions and thoughts of my sexuality made sense which is crazy, but im grateful this thread was started.
I hope that I can bring up this thread in my next discussion with my husband and it brings some sort of understanding instead of stigma towards how I am. He's understanding and patient, so with this thread I think I can really get somewhere with him. :D
How do most of you work around the asexuality while in a relationship? It just occured to my why my favorite thing is to watch each other masturbate. Wow...it all makes sense now.
charlie61
03-03-2011, 11:15 AM
This thread almost brought me to tears. I went from feeling like a prude/weirdo to feeling normal. Its such a relief to know that its not being "sick" that I feel this way, its just the way my mind and body work. The more I read the more my actions and thoughts of my sexuality made sense which is crazy, but im grateful this thread was started.
I hope that I can bring up this thread in my next discussion with my husband and it brings some sort of understanding instead of stigma towards how I am. He's understanding and patient, so with this thread I think I can really get somewhere with him. :D
How do most of you work around the asexuality while in a relationship? It just occured to my why my favorite thing is to watch each other masturbate. Wow...it all makes sense now.
Awww, sweetie, I'm so glad this helped you! It really is isolating when you have no word to describe yourself.
I would recommend you approach sex as something you do for your SO--like giving him a back massage. Try to understand that most sexual people associate sex with loving and intimacy. So for your partner, it's a very loving act. And you can participate in that intimacy without getting anything sexual out of it.
Also try to let him know what he can do that DOES make you feel good. Do you like it when he strokes your legs during sex? When he bites your neck? Etc.
If you are asexual, you probably feel uncomfortable with him touching your genitals directly, so have him try to avoid these areas (since it'll make you feel more comfortable). That'll help you relax.
MissLucy
03-04-2011, 08:01 AM
Alot of things make me uncomfortable but ive always tried to pretend it was enjoyable rather than uncomfortable. I try to pretend its something im doing to myself and it helps..that sounds strange..lol
Ill try and find some things I do enjoy and clue him in. Even though nothing has changed yet I feel a huge weight is lifted. I think I can manage this. :D
penandink1019
03-04-2011, 11:29 AM
I no longer put such an emphasis on sex and it's so liberating in a way! Now I know when I go out dancing with my girlfriends and drink and have fun, that there is no way in hell those boys or girls buying me drinks all night are going to get anything from me. ;)
Exactly. There's a continuum of pleasure. Orgasms are great, don't get me wrong, we're not all wired the same way. I'm trying to explain this to a new partner who has a VERY high drive. We like each other but the mismatch in bed may be a stumbling block. We're even talking about an "open relationship" (my first) so she can get nailed properly. We've also talked about bringing others in. :D Wish I found all this more erotic. But, honestly, I just want her to be satisfied. :-\
charlie61
03-04-2011, 04:02 PM
^ Welcome to the thread! I was hoping you'd pipe up!
Chase Rider
03-07-2011, 02:49 PM
I also identify myself as asexual. I get quite a bit of heckling from my peers whenever this comes up because I'm a virgin as well. Its always along the lines of 'oh youre just saying that because you don't know how great sex is' or 'you just need to find the right partner'.
Screw that. I can appreciate someones physical appearance, but the need to knock boots just isn't there. If I wanted sex, I'd have it, dammit.
The worst is when I had to explain that I'm not attracted to either gender, and got the response: 'EWWWWWW, so you like animals then?'
Really?
charlie61
03-07-2011, 04:51 PM
I also identify myself as asexual. I get quite a bit of heckling from my peers whenever this comes up because I'm a virgin as well. Its always along the lines of 'oh youre just saying that because you don't know how great sex is' or 'you just need to find the right partner'.
Screw that. I can appreciate someones physical appearance, but the need to knock boots just isn't there. If I wanted sex, I'd have it, dammit.
The worst is when I had to explain that I'm not attracted to either gender, and got the response: 'EWWWWWW, so you like animals then?'
Really?
Ugh, I SO empathize with this. I was a virgin until I was 20, and never had any desire to have sex. But I convinced myself that I would like it once I started having it. Umm...no.
These days, I ask people (guys especially), "Do you have to have sex with a man to know you're straight?" That shuts them up rightquicklike! :D
Chase Rider
03-07-2011, 06:21 PM
Ahahaha, I'll have to remember that.
lagirl
03-08-2011, 04:08 AM
i used to be like this. but this was back when i was dating guys who werent all that attractive.
im the opposite of you. i never want to "self love", but i want to be with a guy often, but it has to be ONE guy. i think its more about desiring the companionship and intimacy of being with another person for me than sex itself.
also, are you very young? i hear womens sex drive peak at 30.
also for those of you who feel it might be a hormonal issue and want more of a sex drive-
look up maca. i think it increases testosterone or something? which will give you ahigher sex drive
for those who want a lower sex drive- try vitex agnus cactus- its a plant progesterone . priests used to take it to eliminate their sex drives.
bubblebutt8o8
03-08-2011, 04:23 AM
i can relate to this.... there are many times that i feel asexual. i honestly don't ever know if the feeling goes away or if i just try to tell myself that its just a phase. i do find men attractive hell yess, but the thought of really getting to know someone and all of the emotions that go with dating and not knowing a mans true intentions, i kinda but feel like its all a waste of time... anyone else feel this way?
GreenLady
03-09-2011, 07:27 PM
I have a strong libido, I like the idea of sex...but I don't like doing it. Once it starts I just want it to be over as soon as possible. I don't orgasm at all. I've always just assumed I had "issues" (although this doesn't make much sense because I've had no sexual traumas to speak of). Could it be I'm asexual?
charlie61
03-09-2011, 07:56 PM
I have a strong libido, I like the idea of sex...but I don't like doing it. Once it starts I just want it to be over as soon as possible. I don't orgasm at all. I've always just assumed I had "issues" (although this doesn't make much sense because I've had no sexual traumas to speak of). Could it be I'm asexual?
I'm pretty much the same way. I have some voyeuristic qualities as well. I like the idea of sex, I like watching people have sex, and the thought of people being turned on by me turns me on. But, like you, I get nothing out of it.
You can identify however you'd like. But I identify as asexual, and you sound a lot like me, so perhaps that's a word that you could use to understand yourself. :)
Kellydancer
03-09-2011, 10:41 PM
Right now the idea of having sex repulses me. I have two guys wanting to do a fwb relationship (they would both be open to a threesome including with each other) but it makes me sick. Actually the idea of anything sexual now makes me sick. I think it's because of my severe hatred right now of all men who could be potential boyfriends.
AngelCummings
03-15-2011, 08:29 PM
I think there can be stages of this and its completely normal for someone to be asexual at least at some point in there lives. I went through a period where I was just completely devoid of sexual feelings. I think it probably had to do with the fact that I was raped, and the guy took my virginity so I didnt really have anything to compare it to. But I think asexuality can be a blessing in disguise bc it can allow you to stay focus on your goals and your future instead of getting distracted and doing stupid things for temporary pleasure. But that's just my personal opinion
charlie61
03-16-2011, 05:56 PM
^ True. But, at the same time, missing out on sexual intimacy is a really terrible thing (for me, at least). Growing up in a culture that glorifies sex, only to find out that you'll never be able to experience it that way, is a cruel joke.
AngelCummings
03-16-2011, 09:29 PM
^ True. But, at the same time, missing out on sexual intimacy is a really terrible thing (for me, at least). Growing up in a culture that glorifies sex, only to find out that you'll never be able to experience it that way, is a cruel joke.
aww that's true and im sorry you feel that charlie! i think true love/true romance can feel that void though, i mean ive always been a die hard romantic and when i was younger before i even knew what sex was romantic movies just made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, its kind of hard to explain lol. it wasnt a sexual feeling, but just as powerful :D
xxxevexxx
03-16-2011, 10:43 PM
I recently realized I'm asexual...so I'm wondering how many others out there identify similarly?
I actually identify as a biromantic libidoist asexual. I experience romantic feelings/attractions to men and women, but I don't desire contact with them. Yet I have a high sex drive (you know, the 'I wanna fuck myself' kind of drive). }:D
Are you out there, my fellow asexual strippers?
Note: Other members, feel free to contribute, but please keep the "OMFG I loves the sexin', whas wrong witchoo??" comments to a minimum. :D
Well I am embarrassed by my ignorance, but after I heard this description , I think I am also biromantic libidoist asexual.. interesting.
charlie61
03-20-2011, 02:24 PM
^ No, you aren't ignorant. It's impossible to know how to identify yourself until a word pops up that describes it.
Like, someone who has only seen one shade of blue probably thinks that's the only shade of blue that exists. But once they get introduced to words like "cyan" and "periwinkle," the person's world opens up.
Kellydancer
11-03-2011, 01:53 PM
I am bumping this because I have a question about this. I mentioned it in post what's on your mind, but I wonder if I am asexual. I can orgasm very easily, sometimes more than one a day and even had spontaneous ones that were involuntary (this is very weird). I look at porn often and can get off to this. I also know a much younger guy who's interested in having a FWB with me but no relationship. He's too young to be a relationship anyway (he's around 25). This idea of having oral sex with him really gets me excited and I'll probably do it eventually.
However, when I come in contact with potential boyfriends/husbands the thought of having sex with them doesn't interest me and in some cases even repulses me. I am not attracted to most of these guys but feel this way even with guys who aren't bad looking. Maybe I would feel differently if I starting dating them for awhile.
Does this sound like asexuality or just a phase? I've never had this problem before now. I'm wondering if part of it is still nursing a broken heart (or rather protecting my heart from getting hurt again) but I also suffer from vaginismus and have never really liked intercourse.
charlie61
11-03-2011, 03:45 PM
I am bumping this because I have a question about this. I mentioned it in post what's on your mind, but I wonder if I am asexual. I can orgasm very easily, sometimes more than one a day and even had spontaneous ones that were involuntary (this is very weird). I look at porn often and can get off to this. I also know a much younger guy who's interested in having a FWB with me but no relationship. He's too young to be a relationship anyway (he's around 25). This idea of having oral sex with him really gets me excited and I'll probably do it eventually.
However, when I come in contact with potential boyfriends/husbands the thought of having sex with them doesn't interest me and in some cases even repulses me. I am not attracted to most of these guys but feel this way even with guys who aren't bad looking. Maybe I would feel differently if I starting dating them for awhile.
Does this sound like asexuality or just a phase? I've never had this problem before now. I'm wondering if part of it is still nursing a broken heart (or rather protecting my heart from getting hurt again) but I also suffer from vaginismus and have never really liked intercourse.
This definitely doesn't sound like asexuality to me. It sounds like more of an intimacy issue, as you said (we all have 'em, right?). If you enjoy sexual activity with some people, then that nullifies the possibility of it being asexuality.
Some people identify as demisexuals...but these people are only sexually interested in people with whom they're emotionally very close. That doesn't sound like what you're describing.
Good question! :)
Kellydancer
11-03-2011, 08:18 PM
Thanks, that does explain it better. I've never had intimacy problems before but I seem to be having them now with my failures in dating. It's weird because there are times in my life where I can only be with men I am not in love with.
lifetravelergirl
11-04-2011, 01:26 AM
so I'm wondering how many others out there identify similarly?
I felt like stripping totally shut me down sexually but I quit dancing about six months ago. I changed my diet, went from Banquet frozen dinners to frozen fish and vegetables and within the last week or so my libido came back. I find some women attractive and basically no men attractive but I prefer men because of the relationship dynamic, it's practical. So I want to be with a man but not necessarily for sex.
I was using a toy every two weeks but much more frequently since I changed my diet. I really am open to anything because I realize I don't have a clue and life can surprise a person. So there you have it.
I am indifferent towards sex if not repulsed. I find other people or aspects of other people kind of gross usually. I remember the second to the last time I was with a guy he came back from the bathroom and I saw a piece of toilet paper stuck to his ass, eventually it fell off on the bed, just a piece of fuzz really but typical of what I remember from sex (negative things). I think I have also started hating kissing guys. I mean once in a while (like when I am drinking) I might make out with someone but to do it sober, I'm afraid.
Also I have never had an orgasm from sex, sometimes it feels real good.. I am confused. Also guys want to take too long and drag it out. I have had guys threaten to lick my pusswah for hours on end and to me that would be a nightmare. Meh..
I think if I was in love it would be different but I haven't been in love for a really long time.
charlie61
11-06-2011, 08:03 PM
I felt like stripping totally shut me down sexually but I quit dancing about six months ago. I changed my diet, went from Banquet frozen dinners to frozen fish and vegetables and within the last week or so my libido came back. I find some women attractive and basically no men attractive but I prefer men because of the relationship dynamic, it's practical. So I want to be with a man but not necessarily for sex.
I was using a toy every two weeks but much more frequently since I changed my diet. I really am open to anything because I realize I don't have a clue and life can surprise a person. So there you have it.
I am indifferent towards sex if not repulsed. I find other people or aspects of other people kind of gross usually. I remember the second to the last time I was with a guy he came back from the bathroom and I saw a piece of toilet paper stuck to his ass, eventually it fell off on the bed, just a piece of fuzz really but typical of what I remember from sex (negative things). I think I have also started hating kissing guys. I mean once in a while (like when I am drinking) I might make out with someone but to do it sober, I'm afraid.
Also I have never had an orgasm from sex, sometimes it feels real good.. I am confused. Also guys want to take too long and drag it out. I have had guys threaten to lick my pusswah for hours on end and to me that would be a nightmare. Meh..
I think if I was in love it would be different but I haven't been in love for a really long time.
Considering how important sex is to most of the human race, it's incredible how few words exist to describe those of us who deviate even slightly off of the beaten path. It can be frustrating and confusing to not have words to define yourself.
ultra_manic
11-06-2011, 08:35 PM
Wow, I'm not alone :) thx for this post, I thought something was wrong with me.....although I'm sure my husband wouldn't be as inspired by this lol
Hungry Bunny
01-07-2021, 11:34 AM
Omg, charlie61 we chatted in another thread. I've just found this older one you started.
"OMFG I loves the sexin', whas wrong witchoo??" almost made me choke on the Red Bull I'm drinking! :rotfl:
charlie61
01-07-2021, 02:47 PM
Omg, charlie61 we chatted in another thread. I've just found this older one you started.
"OMFG I loves the sexin', whas wrong witchoo??" almost made me choke on the Red Bull I'm drinking! :rotfl:
Omg i totally forgot about this thread! This was from 11 years ago... crazy!
For real though, i feel like whenever a thread like this gets started that is clearly only looking for responses from people who are in the same boat, there's always somebody who feels the need to blast that THEY can't relate to your situation. It's like starting a thread asking for support from fellow acne sufferers, or for people who like sushi, and someone rocks up like MY SKIN IS ACTUALLY PERFECT. Okay? So I guess this isn't the thread for you... please leave now?
Hungry Bunny
01-07-2021, 03:23 PM
Omg i totally forgot about this thread! This was from 11 years ago... crazy!
For real though, i feel like whenever a thread like this gets started that is clearly only looking for responses from people who are in the same boat, there's always somebody who feels the need to blast that THEY can't relate to your situation. It's like starting a thread asking for support from fellow acne sufferers, or for people who like sushi, and someone rocks up like MY SKIN IS ACTUALLY PERFECT. Okay? So I guess this isn't the thread for you... please leave now?
It's like, they saw the title, clicked anyway, then complained. Lol.
Sorry for digging up this old thread. I was in a newer old thread (this site links similar threads at the bottom of the page), you posted the link to this one.
If anyone is wondering about asexuality, they can google. Asexuality.org is resourceful and they have their own forum.
I'm glad to see there are other sex workers who are ace and just really treat sex work as what it is...work. Lol.
I'd never heard of a biromantic libidoist asexual. I'll have to look into that. I am more into myself during sex, which is what's great about camming and why I liked stripping. Lap dances were the best (unless he was stinky or overly grabby). I like to watch and feel them getting off to me whether or not I'm live. But, just wanting dick just bc it's...DICK?! The horror. :D:-\
If I entered another relationship with a sexual person, I'll need a mirror on the ceiling above the bed and nearby in all rooms.
charlie61
01-07-2021, 04:22 PM
^I love that, so interesting to me!! We're all so different. I often tell people that i love getting off when I'm explaining asexuality to them, because i think that's what really drives it home a bit more clearly that it's an orientation, as opposed to a low-libido 'problem'. Of course, there are plenty of aces who don't masturbate. I will say, though, that I'm a no-nonsense masturbator. I don't make love to myself or draw it out. I get off fast, multiple times, and I'm done. Hitachi for the win currently, though i do go through periods where i feel the need to make sure I'm not dependent on my magic wand, lol.
Hungry Bunny
01-07-2021, 06:20 PM
^I love that, so interesting to me!! We're all so different. I often tell people that i love getting off when I'm explaining asexuality to them, because i think that's what really drives it home a bit more clearly that it's an orientation, as opposed to a low-libido 'problem'. Of course, there are plenty of aces who don't masturbate. I will say, though, that I'm a no-nonsense masturbator. I don't make love to myself or draw it out. I get off fast, multiple times, and I'm done. Hitachi for the win currently, though i do go through periods where i feel the need to make sure I'm not dependent on my magic wand, lol.
Oh my goodness, yes! One of my custies bought me the Hitachi wand... It is everything!!! I only wish I had the cordless one. I may end up getting it anyway for the convenience. I cannot use the high setting though. I agree that manual *ahem* satisfaction helps out at times!
People think I'm lying when I tell them it has been years since I've had sex. I have had heaux phases though where I'd rather have sex with some guys a few times to use them for my ego than to get a boyfriend who I had to get poked by all of the time. The novelty wears off fast and it'll feel like a chore to me. That may be because other things in the relationship (he's boring or acting up as a significant other) made me feel that he wasn't worth fucking -- because I'm not just having sex because I'm "horny". Hell, if I'm up to it, I may have a heaux phase before the end of the year. Idk, I'll play it by ear. Lmao.
You seem to be better at explaining asexuality than I am. Folks I've met seem to want to tie it to something like a traumatic event or being like a nun. I'm far from religious. I'll try explaining it as an orientation. My libido is fine, they just don't do it for me the way I do it for myself. ;D
charlie61
01-07-2021, 09:33 PM
^Hell yes!! And I've 100% been through those ego-boost phases, too. :P:flirt:
Brickmover
04-06-2021, 03:30 AM
There is no asexuality around me, and I can't understand the feeling. But what if the libido is high? ? By hand? Or other methods?
One of my closest girlfriends is asexual, so I'm having a lot of trouble. How can I show him that without you breaking his heart?
LenKingsley
06-19-2022, 11:17 PM
I like to see beautiful women and idol who have beautiful face
bananaqueen
06-20-2022, 11:19 AM
I have found that I can experience deep satisfaction and pleasure just from myself and toys and am very content with just that. Today I was craving penetration which is not normal (been celibate since October) and my toy did the job with no worries about pregnancy, stds or any of that stuff. Also I hate my genitals being touched unless it's my asshole occasionally or I have an emotional connection with someone and feel comfortable (happened once lol) Also never attracted to a guy/woman sexually until I like them. I can appreciate if someone is good looking but doesn't mean I wanna fuck.
I do desire a man who's committed to me, loves me and pleasures me even more (kissing/oral, again happened once I actually enjoyed it) but honestly I don't need it and am happy either way. I just like the idea of cuddles and caring about each other but I can really just do this for myself with a big pillow and blanket, get a professional massage and spoil myself with whatever I want.
It's a great state to be in so this whole industry is really just a tease and act for me and I love it cause these boys gonna get none lol
I need to try the magic wand and just realized from reading this whole post that I probably identify as demisexual.
Violethollywood
06-20-2022, 11:53 AM
i think im asexual heterosexual. Like Im almost never horny and ive been like that forever and if i am id rather just masturbate bc i know i'll get off. In all the guys ive slept with, ive only ever gotten off with 3 of them. like i have to really be in the mood for it to happen which is like never but sometimes i just want to climax as a stress reliever so i'll go and rub one out lol. I fake orgasms/pleasure everytime i have sex. i always have except for the very few times ive gotten off
charlie61
06-20-2022, 04:56 PM
Love the demisexual and ace representation in this thread!! So cool to hear about all of the different, nuanced types. Thank you so much for sharing. :grouphug:
FrankieSkyPrivate
06-22-2022, 03:59 AM
I always thought asexuals had no sex drive at all, not even for masturbation. I'm not familiar with the term. I was so wrong
miss.a.p1600
06-22-2022, 09:19 AM
I always thought I was some odd mf because typical sex with the average dude is mediocre at best.
I’ve had long periods of celibacy and been completely fine without dick but with a solo session now and then
The only times I’ve noticed my sex drive through the roof is when I’m in some kinky fetish (that only a one night stand type of freaky dude can satisfy) or when I’ve taken some substance like mj or even a pharmaceutical I took once for depression inadvertently sent me into mania and I was horny af and orgasmic with men like never before.
i hate having “obligatory” sex with long term partners (I tend to prefer sex only once a month so I have to resort to hand jobs, etc or if I’m desperate then I’ll let him start an argument) and would much rather sample my choice of freaky men when I want on MY timeframe. The same average dick over and over is boring if I’m being honest.
I think I lean towards the asexual part of the spectrum - my current partner even thought so too.