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sananeko
03-21-2011, 12:03 AM
Dear self..

Really?! 962 cals and 140 carbs.. for the whole day.. and that was with junk food.. You need to learn to eat more or something is going to happen.. We need to do something..

Signed,
Me

poisondesire
03-21-2011, 03:11 AM
Dear sleep

Didnt we used to have a great relationship? Didnt you come on time and we drift off together in this epic king sized bed you all but demanded I get before you would visit timely? where the fuck did you go?

And seriously wth is with this only arriving during the daylight hours thing. I thought we had a system i thought you LOVED me but nooooo I have a child and you take off like a bat in hell. No wait im sorry come back its all my fault please when you get this im here in bed waiting you and like if you could stay this time for at least 8 hours i think maybe we can work this out. Im willing to negotiate just...come back

Signed.....Insomniac

Dear knees

Okay I get that we are getting older but whats with the click thing you dont have to anounce my age to everyone when i kneel down its like rude

Signed: too old for this

Dear crumpled dollar

I really want to like you but you go out of your way to not fit in my garter or wallet and you really make the rest of my dollars uncomfortable. seriously straighten up

Signed Average dancer

Dear Toll booth lady

OKay I know we see each other alot I get it. I know you dont like your job not my fault. But really do you have to glare like i just slept with your husband.....get laid get a different job something geesh

Signed Brunette in the red car

Dear haughty neighbor

Just because you mow it twice a day dont make your lawn better then mine. Just cuz your husband looks when i check the mail dont make me the bad guy and if you realized late 60s is not the age for spandex you might be able to breath and be in a better mood...trust me baggy pants for the win

Signed: the antisocial neighbor

Dear Hair

If your gonna constantly be so damned stuborn I swear ill shave you off burn you and by a wig at least then i dont have to worry about damage....And dont even try that line of i dont treat you well you get better shampoo then i get steak so stop arguing with me

Signed Bed head

GlitterBexie
03-22-2011, 09:24 AM
Dear Ex,

Stop messing with my head,
Be a man. Sort your life out.

Signed,
The best gf you'll ever have. fact.

Dear body

Please forgive me, i apologise, please stop punishing me, it was only a bit of vodka.

Love
Me/You xx

kaiarose
03-22-2011, 10:56 AM
Dear JBI members,
Please stop ignoring every thread I post. Is it because you all found out my profession and are now black sheeping me?? I have used the search function so I know my questions haven't been asked before. I need answers too goddamn it!!!! Grrrr....

Sincerely,
barrysweet

ArmySGT.
03-22-2011, 12:23 PM
Dear Homeowners,

Thank you for finally getting an insulation company here to fill the attic with 16 inches of new insulation. I hope this brings my utility bill down from $160 a month because I like the location and the quiet neighborhood. I really think you should have spent the another $100-$150 to bring it up to 24 inches, but I will gratefully take what I got.

Your Renter.

FiendishGyrator
03-22-2011, 04:16 PM
Dear boyfriend;
I know you hate when I draw attention to us in a crazy
way but driving after the neighbors yapping chihuahuas
who get out twice a week and bark annoyingly for hours
is the only thing I've found that makes them go back to
their fucking house. Your comment about not wanting me to
start a war with the neighbors isn't even relevant since the dogs
get out a couple times a week and those neighbors don't do jackshit
to prevent it--what makes you really think they're going to overtax
their lazy bums and smash in my mailbox or slash my tires?
I get that it looks like I'm going to run the two shits down but seriously,
that's why I'm honking and chasing them towards their driveway.

Do NOT get all whiny and bitchy with me. I've had to regularly deal
with my afternoon naps being interrupted by those fuckheads or having
my early evenigs filled with shrill, non-stop yapping because they come on my property and bark at my dog through the fence.

Get your panties out of a twist or go to your own home if you don't like it.

Sincerely,
your loving girlfriend.

ArmySGT.
03-22-2011, 08:00 PM
Dear Mother,

Saying good bye will be easier knowing your ready to go. You have had a long life with many things to look back to. Your three Sons and four Daughters have been your joy, and given you seventeen nephews and nieces, who have gone on to give you five great grandchildren. You have your strong Catholic faith and friends through that who have been a support. I know as it comes you are not afraid. I wish I could stand in front of you as the success you dreamed of, though I know you love me as you do all you children and only want for us more. I may regret later that I can not be beside you, but I know you would want us to get on with what we need to do. Yes, I love you and I will miss you, though I am no good at showing it. Go gently, go when you are ready. We will always love you.

Paul

GlitterBexie
03-24-2011, 05:03 PM
Dear Miss Jess

I LOVE you,
genuine, you made me so happy tonight,

Love always, looking so forward to talking to you
Beck
xxxxxxxxx

DominoDiva
03-25-2011, 08:52 AM
Dear miss bex :D

you know ill do anything to help you out, and you know im only a bbm away :)
all you gotta do is tell me wen and were, an ill be there, like last time rem?
I hope you can get things sorted, all you need is a friend and some good laughs :D

missin you and cant wait to see ya :D hehe
xxxxxxxxxxxx
big hugs!!!!

_Avery_
03-25-2011, 02:14 PM
Dear husband,

I'm sooooo glad you had an awesome night at work last night. I have a feeling tonight is going to be even better.
Why do we worry when everything turns out okay in the end? :)
I can breath a sigh of relief...thanks!
Bring in the big bucks tonight too!!!! :D

Love,
Your wife

Kellydancer
03-25-2011, 03:02 PM
Dear infection,

Please go away. I am tired of sneezing, coughing, this headache and the awful fever. I was freezing last night under 5 blankets and running a 102 fever. Please go never to return.

Sincerely,
the immune system you attacked.

GlitterBexie
03-27-2011, 04:49 PM
Dear Jess

Im pretty sure my bbm is playing up, i sent u a couple today and it keeps saying "action unavailable" im not being rude or ignoratory!

Big love, Bex x x x x x x

DottieMay
03-28-2011, 12:45 PM
Dear Vanilla Job, my boss and Vanilla Job's Owners,
I hate you. I hate that I am the only person here that actually gives a shit about anything. I hate the fact that the owners of this store haven't given me a raise in 2 years. Even though I do most of my manager's work and fix her mistakes. I'm the one that brings all the selling merchandise into the store and you know it. I haven't made any commission in almost a month, yet my manager seems to be making money every week, on top of her store bonus. I hate the fact that she totally stole commission money right from under me and nobody said anything to her about it. I also hate that the girl who's job I have came back and is getting paid more than me. That's why I told you I am only working p/t this summer. Keep fucking with me and you won't have anyone to work on you. Have fun always being a mediocre business. Greedy buttholes.

JayATee
03-29-2011, 12:10 PM
Dear C -

I know that you think that simply because I was on the other side of the world for a month that meant you had a shot. He'd be lonely, you'd both be drunk and you'd take advantage of someone who really is just a genuine sweetheart. I know you can't handle your own shit and in an effort to make yourself feel better you in turn have to destroy other peoples happiness. I get it. You, however, apparently have no idea who you're really dealing with. I've been nice to you up until now because quite frankly I had no reason to act on my initial feelings towards you. You're correct. I don't like you, but at least before I didn't have it out for you. Hope you enjoyed the shit you pulled last week. I hope it gave you your thrills because you're done. You're done in that club, and quite honestly in this area altogether. I'll make sure of it.

Love & Kisses dearie,
-J

Almost Jaded
03-29-2011, 12:28 PM
Yikes. Remind me not to piss Jay off. :eek:

Dear (ex)GF#2 -

This all could have ended quite amicably. There was absolutely no reason for things to get the way they did. Now my car is totaled, my house is a mess moving your shit out, people are hurt both emotionally and physically, and you lost the only person who ever stood up for you not only as a boyfriend and a lover but as a friend and a supporter. I hope your fling with that guy in AZ was worth all this and what's coming. You know damn well that none of us minded you seeing him and fucking him - hell, we were all happy you found someone else you clicked with! All you had to do was be honest and let it flow. You lied to him, you lied to me, and when it all hit the fan it still could have been smoother over if only you could have told the truth and restrained your urge to make drama. But this is how it went down. Best of luck from here darling.

PS - apparently you forgot that you gave me his number way back when you first hooked up with him. He knows the truth now about everything. I'm not being petty, and honestly I hope you two can work things out, I do, but he has a right to know what he's getting into. You've lied to him about some really dumb shit and the poor guy just wants to know what's really going on. And now he does. Please come get your shit ASAP, I won't do anything petty but I want you and everything about you the FUCK out of my life as soon as possible.


Dear workers comp insurance assholes -

Great timing. A little heads up or advance notice would have been nice. Dropping all my benefits and cutting off my checks just when all this went down was great. I'll get by, but the lawsuit is going to get turned up now, you guys have fucked me for the last fucking time. I'm tired of being hurt and in pain and being told I need to get better while at the same time being denied treatment and surgery. Game on.


Dear MM & GF#1 -

I don't even know what to say. The fact that either of you is with me in the first place, much less both of you, has never made sense to me, you could both do better. The fact that you stuck with me through the shit this weekend straight blows my mind. The fact that after it all you're so focused on helping me deal with it and are both so supportive of what I'm going through when you have every right to say "told you so" and leave me hanging is beyond a Saint's comprehension. I will never be worthy of either of you, but I will keep trying and sure as hell won't fuck up like THIS again. I owe you my sanity and I will love you both unconditionally forever, I only wish I could do more.

JayATee
03-29-2011, 12:34 PM
^ LoL I earn every bit of my bitch reputation. ;)

Dear A -

I believe you. I love you. I'm pretty much over it. But if you ever do something so stupid ever again, I'll have to kill you. ;)

:kiss:
Love,
-J

Ashly06
04-08-2011, 10:11 PM
Dear man of my dreams,
WTF are you? I've been looking/waiting for you almost my entire life. I used to dream about you as a young girl. About our wedding day and our family. It seems that you've let me down. We were supposed to have met by now. I'm not sure how much longer I'll wait. No my age is not the issue,but my past is. So far I've met nothing but a**holes,its going to be much harder for you to impress me. Hopefully when we do meet,you won't give up so easily. If I act like a complete bit*h towards you,please don't take it personally,for it has nothing to do with you. I promise that if you stick around and stay through the bullsh*t,you'll be more than pleased. I'll do everything in my power to make and keep you happy. Untill then...

livingdeadgirl
04-09-2011, 05:37 AM
Dear self,
*SLAP*
come to your senses woman!!!

sunny,*
04-09-2011, 09:19 PM
dear... beautiful view outside my window:


thanks for alway reminding me how glorious this earth is and how incredibly lucky I am to have ended up here, instead of on some shitty planet somewhere else :-)


sincerely,
that one blonde girl who can't stop starting at you

CherryBomb954
04-10-2011, 05:05 AM
Dear Pandora:

DO NOT play Coldplay on ANY of my stations EVER again. The fact that you suggest they have any comparison to either Genesis or Led Zeppelin is just downright insulting....and wrong.

Kthx

livingdeadgirl
04-10-2011, 07:40 AM
Dear (ex) best friend,
I feel like I cant trust myself to be a good judge of character now. So thanks for that :(

firemaiden04
04-10-2011, 10:13 AM
Dear bitch girlfriends/wives of my fiancee's guy friends,
You are all cunts. Really, you are. You're all ugly and/or overweight, but what's more, you're all ugly on the INSIDE. You are bitter, angry, mean, vindictive, controlling, possessive, and extremely jealous people. But then, I know for a fact (because your SO's have confessed this to Joe and me) that most of you are only in this marriage/relationship because your SO figured he wasn't going to find anyone else, so he might as well settle for you. That's gotta suck. But all of you and your little "boycotting" of me is a little far-fetched and ridiculous. One of you, K, decided to boycott me because I have a Darwin fish sticker on my car and wear a pentacle, and you "used to be Wiccan and know how Satanic and evil it is." First off, I'm Pagan, NOT Wiccan, and secondly, if you actually WERE ever Wiccan, you'd know there's nothing Satanic or evil about it--in fact, it was so fluffy and sparkly and pretty that I got sick of it when I was 16 because I knew that life simply isn't that black and white. Of course, you're fat and uber Christian too, and your husband is the same, so it wouldn't surprise me if you caught him checking me out or whacking off to me or something, cause god knows sex with someone as uptight as you can't be pleasant.

And A, the obese one who decided to support K in her boycotting of me even after you decided that you liked me, just because you wanted to try to impress her. You were fine with the idea of me being a stripper, but I never liked being around you because you belittle and demean your husband in PUBLIC just to make yourself feel good. You're a terrible person and a terrible wife for doing that. I've seriously never seen anyone as hateful towards their SO as you are. I feel so bad for your husband for having to wake up next to you every day and realize what a mistake he made.

And W. Fucking a, honey, you're the epitome of a butterface, and your husband told both Joe and I that the only reason he married you was because he was going into the USAF and figured he might as well get all the dependent pay. It's almost 2k extra a month, so I kinda get that. And he said that he wasn't fucking anyone while he was down at basic and tech school anyway, so he might as well marry you. But boy, is he regretting it now. You're a controlling, manipulative, possessive bitch. You hate me because I'm a stripper? Really? Do you honestly think that all strippers have this overwhelming urge to steal boyfriends? Do you think we'll all go out to dinner and I won't be able to help myself and throw myself over the table to start giving him a lap dance? Are you a moron? And you have this whole big attitude about how you USED to be part of the rave scene and you're done with all those drugs. YOU only smoke pot, you don't do drugs. Uh, new flash, hon, pot may be organic, but it's STILL a drug. You are a massive hypocrite. And while you may be in denial about it, I can tell you that if you EVER get caught smoking, even if it's "only pot," your husband will face serious disciplinary action, ESPECIALLY if you're caught on base. I have no issue with recreational drug use, but you've somehow found this elitist attitude about it. You banned your husband from even being in the same room with me. But although he's fairly whipped most of the time, he was over at our place just the other night, and I COOKED for them and we had a blast. I hear you can't even boil water. You're an epic cunt for thinking that just because you have serious jealousy issues, you could ban your husband from hanging out with his best friend since childhood. Sorry, but I do NOT find your husband attractive, and even if I did, I'm very taken, and I don't cheat under any circumstances. Joe and I have given your marriage a year. And we both hope it lasts a lot less, because your husband deserves MUCH better.

Almost Jaded
04-10-2011, 12:15 PM
^ Akh! I know SO many women like that! MM goes OUT OF HER MIND over some of my guy friends SO's, she's always like - "so and so is SUCH a catch, WTF is he with that BITCH for?! She treats him like shit and doesn't do anything to make up for it! I mean, I have my issues with the way (GF#2) treats you sometimes baby, but at least she's hot and fucks your brains out often and well. We have GOT to break them up and find him a real woman".

I've heard that speech so many times it's damn near a word for word quote at this point, lol. And I agree - guys look at my life and are like, dud, you're SO lucky, why can't I have that... Well, STOP SETTLING! Even my kinky, over possessive and narcissistic 500 lb buddy found an AMAZING woman who deeply loves him and has the same arrangement MM has with me - he has 2 GF's in 2 other states (one moved away after they started dating, the other splits time between here & another city that, lucky for him, he also splits time between) that are also pretty fucking cool.

It amazes me that with all the AWESOME chicks I know out there who land asshole after asshole and are looking, dying for, a decent guy, that men settle like that. Straight blows my mind.

Kellydancer
04-10-2011, 12:32 PM
I've known many cases like those. For some reason assholes (men and women) often have no problem finding people but decent people don't. Go figure. I wouldn't want to be with a man because he settled for me. I'd rather be alone.

Almost Jaded
04-10-2011, 02:46 PM
Ditto/reverse

pink_bunny
04-14-2011, 02:03 PM
Dear husband, You're an ass clown for standing me up on date night, then blaming me for not answering the phone. I was only gone for 2 hours at class. Then you ate all my food then stayed online and played video poker after I invited you out to the pub. Also, I've been very very horny and I need to get laid, I know you work all day, but this is pissing me off>:(

Dear cats, you're such cuddle-bugs, I <3 u guys. Please stop jumping on the table when I'm eating... and knocking over my plants.

tempest666
09-08-2011, 03:16 PM
Dear woman with 6-10 kids (they're always running around so crazily I've never gotten a proper count) I constantly see at the laundromat... please stay home today.
I'm in no mood to deal with you spreading your dirty fucking clothes out all over the floor to separate them. I'm in no mood to deal with you using an entire row of washers (and then dryers) at once. and I'm in no mood to deal with your fucking kids running in circles screaming and fighting because you're too lazy to parent them properly.


Dear xbf/roommate: Fuck you for not wanting to pay $100 to buy that washer/dryer off your father and making me continue to have to USE a laundromat when I could be wandering around the house in my panties comfortably folding clothes.


Dear Desu
You could be out here comfortably folding laundry in your undies with me}:D

firemaiden04
09-08-2011, 03:39 PM
Dear Joe,

I miss you :( This is going to be the longest two months of my life. Every few minutes, I absentmindedly think, "Oh, I need to remind Joe about that," and then I remember, and it sucks. I hope basic goes by super quick for you, and I hope school goes by really quick for me. This sucks :(

DesuvsDeath
10-13-2011, 08:30 PM
Dear Mr. Zombie... Please make your music more widely available for free illegal download.
This torrent is so slow... and it's really quite inconvenient.

MyButter
10-13-2011, 08:37 PM
Dear stomach flu: Please go away.

DominoDiva
10-13-2011, 09:01 PM
Dear sane me
Please come back for more than 2 days at a time, i miss you.
Your insane sister.

Dear Dr
Please could u hurry the fuck up with this referral, thanks :)

Dear BF
Stop being so emotionally constipated and stop expecting things to dissapear over night, i try my best but your lack of communication and actual presence is not helping.
I love you muchly hunnie bunny *hugs*

Dear mum
Stop threating over me, im ok, kinda.
*hugs* love you :)

Dear insane me
WTF get a grip, WORK OUT, EAT PROPER, SLEEP PROPER, TIDY UP, love urself for fucks sake.
and start saving money for goodness sake, money grows in mens pockets, not on trees, men aint as willing to give money as trees are willing to shed leaves, u gotta be in a good mood to earn ya dopey git!
much love your sane sister.

Dear Headache
Its been 3 days already, piss off will ya, its not bad enough to have the period from hell but i gotta put up with you too?
go away!.

Dear weather.
Please make ur mind up, my wrist hurts when u drastically change, and when my wrist hurts, i cant do pole trix and pole trix let me escape reality for a while.
Thanks :)

Dear Purse
Wheres all my money going??? lol stop eating it!
much appriciated.

bklynbombshell
10-14-2011, 05:33 AM
Dear Universe, please stop with the unexpectedness.

Dear Tony, I like you. I even kind of love you. You're constantly contradicting yourself and I never call you out on your bullshit as it is easier to just keep my mouth shut. Although I love arguing, you just make me want to commit seppuku most of the time when I'm in your presence. If I never saw you again, I'd live..quite comfortably at that. You don't seem willing enough to understand me while I bend over backwards to try and understand you. I've spent enough money on you and your bratty ass kids, trying to induce some kind of comfort into your lives but like the ungrateful motherfucker you are, you have YET to notice how much energy I put into trying to make us work. We haven't spoken in a day and I know there will be hell to pay for that, but this time my ammo is loaded. You ain't seen nothing yet asshat.

Dear future money, hurry up and get into my goddamn bank account.

_natasha
10-14-2011, 05:55 AM
Dear love of my life,
Please notice me again. I know I put out too soon and I was ridiculously drunk, and so were you. I fell for you way after that. I feel so invisible to you. I know you like blondes and I'm against your 'type', but you are everything in a man I could ever want. Yesterday you liked my status and it made my day! Pathetic but completely true.

Dear best friend,
I love you. I want you to get better. I don't want to see you numb but you need help now. I don't know what to say to help you anymore. I feel redundant. I'm sorry I'm so useless.

And I'm even more sorry I got drunk and told you how I felt about X, when I know how you feel about him. You were so strong to tell me to talk to him. I would never do that. I would never betray you like that. I feel terrible for saying that and feeling like this about him in the first place. Damn charming men!

Natasha

Kellydancer
10-14-2011, 02:15 PM
Dear ex,

For some reason you did irreversible damage to me and I can't figure out why. You were nothing short of an asshole to me yet I often think about you. Luckily the feelings are finally subsiding. I know now why I've cried over you longer than I should have and it's because you were a fantasy. All these years built you up as more than you are. I fell way too soon and I know better but I was so sure it was a real thing. Anyway, if nothing else you taught me that I can't depend on men and need to guard my heart like I used to. I still have feelings of hurting men but now it's because I don't want to get hurt again. I have no delusions that I will find anyone else but on the other hand if you came back you'd only break my heart again. So now I am planning for a life alone and am ok with it. Better be single than miserable.

Dear loser men who approach me,

Seriously, knock it off. I will not date men with kids, or losers who refuse to better themselves. I am also not open to obese men, sorry. You losers don't even approach me nicely you are assholes off the bat. Yeah go to hell.

Dear brain,

Why do I get so emotional about an non credit online course? It doesn't matter whether I get an A, B, or C yet my mind says "only A". I mean it has nothing to do with a GPA or anything else.

sananeko
10-14-2011, 02:37 PM
Dear ex that can't seem to understand anything.

I'm over you so stop with this its still working.. Just cause I don't want to date anymore doesn't mean we are still together... I can't wait til you move away and finally figure out I'm not coming with you.. I'm doing my things, and don't need you to help.. You should of been there when I asked for help not there when I don't need it.

You missed everything and now can't have anything.

Your ex and staying that way.

_Elle_
10-15-2011, 11:33 AM
Dear Kellydancer,

I had an ex like this. It sucks, but it's freeing once the feelings start to really subside.

Hugs,
Elle



Dear period,

Why the FUCK do you have to come today? It is my first long weekend shift at a new and my first nude club!

Grrr,
Crampy and Miserable!