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amberlly
01-15-2015, 08:29 PM
Im obsessed with my syblings new baby python. The feeling isn't mutual as she is convinced we are trying to eat her and hides when anyone approaches

Aniela
01-16-2015, 09:40 AM
Can you describe the results of this kind of workout? I need to get back into running. I just hate it...

PM'ing you to avoid a threadjack :)

Selina M
01-16-2015, 10:31 AM
Thanks Kaninchen and Scarlet :)

I ate a decent amount last night and then went shopping with SO, which was apparently needed... I feel better so far today. I've been way too stressed out between getting a new apt and stable/dealing with roommate being mad at us/having to pick SO up every night/not working bc the owner is in town and I'm sick of the weird atmosphere. Too much!

Scarlet, it's crazy that you LIKE depersonalization, I can't stand it.

kaninchen
01-16-2015, 01:30 PM
Well, it's been one whole week since I left my boyfriend. I had no idea it would be this challenging to be alone! There are some things I just can't do all by myself, I guess. So, unfortunately, it looks like I'm going to have to go back...

(Please don't be disappointed in me, ladies.)

... To Bed Bath & Beyond. I realized that if I put my self-tanning mitt on one of those long-handled shower sponges, I'll finally be able to reach that spot between my shoulder blades that I always needed my boyfriend's help with!

LOL I love being on my own. I haven't been this happy in a while.

wednesday86
01-16-2015, 02:20 PM
I went to a different nail place today (since last place they were ripping my nails off like a scene from SAW+none of them knew any fucking English AT ALL). The new salon is much better, but I let my nail guy decide what to do and I really hate the color he picked. I wanted something bright and he painted them the most godawful color of blue I've ever seen........so ugly.......and I pretended to like it.............and tipped 20%. Why do I do this? WHY??

ScarletKitten
01-16-2015, 07:08 PM
Scarlet, it's crazy that you LIKE depersonalization, I can't stand it.

Well, I've only just started experiencing it within the last year or so. But yeah, I know. I do feel quite crazy. But depersonalization is a coping mechanism for me. As long as it doesn't get too out-of-hand, I think I can deal. I just like the calm detached feeling sometimes, because I am used to getting overwhelmed with life. So feeling detached lowers my stress levels. But I can't say that it's a healthy way to live. I am just trying to cope at this point. The world is so batshit insane to me, that I have to mirror that craziness in my own way to survive. LOL, wow. Thanks life for being so cray!

whirlerz
01-16-2015, 08:12 PM
I felt like an ass for doing so, but I saw & watched someone get pulled over today, their car searched (they were already in a police car so I couldn't see if it was a man or woman) & towed away.
It was over in the next parking lot.

Vyanka
01-16-2015, 10:35 PM
I think I'm developing issues coping with stress... anytime I get annoyed at something, it takes over and I'm in a shit mood immediately. If I'm home, I go in the bedroom and stay there until someone/something convinces me to come out. The last couple shifts I worked, I had to fight off panic attacks that randomly hit me, and I keep finding myself disassociating as well. Top it off with having zero interest in eating (like, I get hungry but there's nothing that interests me to eat.. not even at restaurants... so I don't eat) and it's a recipe for a meltdown. Ugh.

It's like I have a good week where I'm totally zen/Law of Attraction, to a week of hairpin trigger explosions. I don't think it's bipolar or anything, I think it's just literally that my anxiety doesn't have a middle ground.

When I lose my appetite, I drink organic dandelion tea. I get hungry. It's also good for anemics. Look up the benefits. Rose tea calms me too. :)

ETA - Also, I swear these boost my mood too. Has to be the calendula ingredient. I notice affect after 30 days of taking. http://www.newchapter.com/targeted-herbal-formulas/supercritical-omega-7

Selina M
01-16-2015, 11:59 PM
Thanks Vyanka :)
I love how supportive and helpful you ladies all are when someone has a mental health issue. It's quite comforting to be able to post here and get such a good response instead of judgements.

thatgingercamgirl
01-17-2015, 12:12 AM
I really, really wish I had a comforting lap to curl up in today. My anxiety has been off the charts and I've lost five pounds in the last week because I have been having so much trouble eating. I need one of those professional cuddlers...or maybe just a massage.

LaurenAus
01-17-2015, 12:41 AM
Tinder sucks..actually add every dating site known to man to that list.

amberlly
01-17-2015, 05:30 AM
@gingercamgirl - I feel you. I want a big cuddly boyfriend that can hug me whenever I feel anxious. Which is most of the time..

My apartment looks like a bomb hit it. Permanently. I clean and mess it up. Despite my best efforts I can't seem to master putting things away. I just leave them on the floor or wherever. Then spend hours re-cleaning it. Rinse and repeat.

And I feel the customers are dumb...hmm.

Elektra Luxx
01-17-2015, 02:16 PM
I went to a different nail place today (since last place they were ripping my nails off like a scene from SAW+none of them knew any fucking English AT ALL). The new salon is much better, but I let my nail guy decide what to do and I really hate the color he picked. I wanted something bright and he painted them the most godawful color of blue I've ever seen........so ugly.......and I pretended to like it.............and tipped 20%. Why do I do this? WHY??

Don't feel too bad, I do this kind of thing all the time. It comes from the need to want to please everyone and everyone to like us.

Aniela
01-17-2015, 07:04 PM
I backslid this morning, I was so enraged at the circumstances of my breakup. A 6yr relationship destroyed & the nasty things he said last time we spoke. Now I gotta rock turtlenecks & keep my hair down to hide the scratches on my neck. I have been so on-edge all day, just angry & focussed on not causing further dmg. Guess it's a good thing my recruiter's been so poor abt getting back to me.

ScarletKitten
01-17-2015, 08:23 PM
I backslid this morning, I was so enraged at the circumstances of my breakup. A 6yr relationship destroyed & the nasty things he said last time we spoke. Now I gotta rock turtlenecks & keep my hair down to hide the scratches on my neck. I have been so on-edge all day, just angry & focussed on not causing further dmg. Guess it's a good thing my recruiter's been so poor abt getting back to me.

:hug: I'm sorry Aniela. That really sucks that you and your bf couldn't work things out. I've had many failed relationships too. It's so painful, so I understand.

I find that taking a jog/exercising, meditating, and writing in my journal helps purge my anger/frustration.

Aniela
01-17-2015, 09:27 PM
:hug: I'm sorry Aniela. That really sucks that you and your bf couldn't work things out. I've had many failed relationships too. It's so painful, so I understand.

I find that taking a jog/exercising, meditating, and writing in my journal helps purge my anger/frustration.

Thnx. I was so angry this morning that if he showed up at my door I would have probably have gone to jail by the time it was done. He's spineless tho so will probably nvr see him again. But yeah … exercise … right now I am taking a break from my nightly workout. Got equally frustrated that I couldn't even handle a 1mi jog. Everything hurts, physically + emotionally. So I guess that <----- right there is confession #2. Taking a little break & going back at it in a bit.

charlie61
01-17-2015, 11:04 PM
They have some really cute stuff and some really odd stuff...but I love how they selected and styled the models (small-chested girls modeling lingerie? hellz yes!). Thought I'd share in case it fits anyone else's style. :)

http://www.dollskill.com/clothing/lingerie.html?p=4

Meg2012
01-18-2015, 01:07 AM
I hate the fact that my husband joined the army and now we are ending up at a base in the middle of nowhere. It's just sending me into a deeper depression. I resent him so much.

audrey_k
01-18-2015, 08:44 AM
My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight last night, he was being drunk and an asshole-- I don't even want to go into specifics-- and I went to bed and told him to sleep on the couch. He woke up me at 5:45 AM being loud and drunk, I asked him again to sleep on the couch or the office/guest room and give me space and he ignored me so I slept in the guest room. When he first got back things were great, he was being so sweet and wonderful, but last night he was just such an incredible asshole I don't even know what to say to him. He came into the guest room to talk to me today and was just saying a bunch of vague, meaningless bullshit and I told him to go think about his actions and come back to speak to me when he can have a real conversation.

We have never had an argument like this before, the fights we have had never last more than a couple hours and are usually about the dumbest shit ever and someone taking what someone else said the wrong way, and once we settle the later everything is fine or if it's the former we just end up laughing about how silly the argument is. This is our first REAL argument and I'm so fucking furious with him right now, I REALLY wish I had family that I could go stay with for a couple days. My only option right now is to go to a hotel and I don't feel like throwing money away because my boyfriend is being an asshole.

I hope he gets his shit together and we can work this out. And that we get a new bed for this guest room because this bed is like the most uncomfortable, harsh thing I have ever slept on.

Aurora_Sunset
01-18-2015, 02:25 PM
So one of my New Year's resolutions is to clean up my act in regards to eating out and drinking - I basically want to eliminate it aside from social events a couple times a week to save money as well as calories on crap food and alcohol. Well, the Packers are in the playoffs right now, and.... I don't even really care about football, but they're "my team" and I have nothing else to do today so I planned to be in the loop and watch the game. I thought I could live stream through the internet browser on my TV, but after half an hour of struggling, NOTHING. WORKS.

But the last thing I want to do is go sit in a crowded bar and spend money I don't wanna spend on food and drinks I don't wanna ingest, just so I can watch a football game.

...I got so frustrated with my stupid internet connection, I went and opened a beer anyway... >.o Well, at least, I'm eating a salad with it, and it's a beer that was a gift from a friend so it didn't cost anything? Ugh

amberlly
01-18-2015, 03:37 PM
Some random guy tapped me on the shoulder and called me my stage name. I ignored him and kept walking

My friends were like hey that guy says he knows you and pointed to him. I shrugged nope and off we went

what a loser. I can't even remember who he is

Aurora_Sunset
01-18-2015, 04:56 PM
Gave in and went to a bar.

Fucking Packers lost.... I got weirdly intense about it and now I'm embarrassed -_-

SnuffleUffleGrass
01-18-2015, 05:03 PM
I hate the fact that my husband joined the army and now we are ending up at a base in the middle of nowhere. It's just sending me into a deeper depression. I resent him so much.

I feel you I live in a remote area & I'm pretty lonely. The trade off was security but the downsides are really eating me up...

lynn2009
01-18-2015, 07:25 PM
I really wish I were in a position to have my own kids, or could even see it happening in the future at this point but I don't and sometimes when I'm babysitting I wonder if I push parents' boundaries too much.

Aslinn
01-18-2015, 10:32 PM
I secretly tip my bf when I visit him at work, Yesterday he worked 12 hours and only went home with $140. I'm probably going to tip him $200 so he had a good night.

Aniela
01-19-2015, 12:42 PM
I just got the Sims installed on my computer & can play again for the first time in yrs. My previous OS was Vista, & we all know that Vista does not work or play well w/ a lot of other software/games. My new laptop is Windows7, so WOOHOO! The flip side is that I am basically binging on the Sims as a way of dealing w/ my depression right now.

charlie61
01-19-2015, 03:43 PM
I'm trying this:
http://lifehacker.com/5931186/give-a-new-shirt-a-vintage-soft-feel-with-a-salt-bath

newb2
01-19-2015, 05:34 PM
This girl I know just died from anaphylactic shock. It makes me so sad. My friend called me today crying hysterically. She's only my age (22). We use to work together doing promo stuff when I was a student. She was such a nice girl. I was literally going to message her to see if she was working in Spain again this summer. I can't believe it!!
I'm actually crying now. I feel a bit silly since I wasn't close friends with her but still

kaninchen
01-19-2015, 07:08 PM
I'm trying this:
http://lifehacker.com/5931186/give-a-new-shirt-a-vintage-soft-feel-with-a-salt-bath

Please report back with results!

My confession: I love hanging out at my family's house because they always have so much scrumptious home-cooked food in the fridge. I just ate a giant bowl of cheesy grits with green onion. :cloud9:

ScarletKitten
01-19-2015, 07:11 PM
This girl I know just died from anaphylactic shock. It makes me so sad. My friend called me today crying hysterically. She's only my age (22). We use to work together doing promo stuff when I was a student. She was such a nice girl. I was literally going to message her to see if she was working in Spain again this summer. I can't believe it!!
I'm actually crying now. I feel a bit silly since I wasn't close friends with her but still

I'm so sorry to hear this. Wow. Alot of deaths lately. So sad. :( :hug:

amberlly
01-20-2015, 11:51 PM
Im eating the same thing over and over for months. Its insane and I can't stand it. BUT i can't seem to find anything else that appeals to me outside my safe bubble.

OliveJardin
01-21-2015, 02:35 AM
I confess that I started a detox today. I put 6 kilos during 2014-I'm horrified! I guess having a thyroid problem, ovarian cysts, 2 stress fractures in my left foot (which I was initially told was "inflammation" and worked on regardless gr) contributed to it. But, I feel guilty, ashamed and uncomfortable in my own skin atm. 2014 was awful, I confess that I am so glad it's over.

amberlly
01-21-2015, 05:15 AM
Sometimes my co-workers creep me out.

DonaDiabla
01-21-2015, 05:21 AM
I can't wait until I graduate from college :)

lol1337a
01-21-2015, 05:48 AM
Grief takes longer than I thought it would. I'm the helper to the SOs family, so I've suppressed my grief in secret for the greater good. It's hard.

audrey_k
01-21-2015, 06:16 AM
I'm becoming really lazy. I can't even get my shit together to write one personal statement for university. When I was 17 I applied to 16 different universities, I must have written 30 essays. That was on top of graduating with a 3.9 GPA, being editor of my school's newspaper, being a prefect, and taking the ACTS. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting worse as I get older.

Aniela
01-21-2015, 06:39 AM
I saw a shooting star last nite & wished on it … that my ex will experience the hurt, rage & abandonment feelings he's caused me. I meant every word of it. I know I probably should feel bad abt it but I don't, not when he has shown no signs of feeling bad for spending most of the time we knew each other lying to me abt anything & everything.

I was so fk'd up by my depression the last few days & now I may have bruises as well as scratches to hide.

charlie61
01-21-2015, 11:31 AM
I'm becoming really lazy. I can't even get my shit together to write one personal statement for university. When I was 17 I applied to 16 different universities, I must have written 30 essays. That was on top of graduating with a 3.9 GPA, being editor of my school's newspaper, being a prefect, and taking the ACTS. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting worse as I get older.

I totally hear this. I was a major overachiever when I was younger, too. I've realized since then that a lot of what I did back then was done from a place of fear ("if I don't do this, I'll fail at life!"), insecurity ("I'll never be good enough"), competitive feelings ("I'm gonna do this just because my sister did it!") or simply because I didn't know there were other options / other ways to succeed. Once you grow up a bit, chill out a bit, and realize that things generally work out regardless of how much or little pressure you put on yourself, you start giving fewer shits. That can be good (I know I don't miss my testing anxiety), but sometimes losing that anxious edge can make you feel unmotivated and lazy. I feel ya!

michele11
01-21-2015, 06:12 PM
Done helping people out who just wanna ride my coat tails. Also please quit messaging girls you know I've traveled with and asking about me. Really pathetic!

Elektra Luxx
01-22-2015, 03:15 PM
My Grandpa Joe is has been in surgery for 2 hours. His doctors are putting in 2 stints. He had a heart attack this past weekend and has been in the hospital. Everybody is a total mess worrying about him especially my mom. I can't stop crying and I look like shit. I don't care I just hope he gets better.

michele11
01-22-2015, 03:28 PM
Me too.

SnuffleUffleGrass
01-22-2015, 05:38 PM
This girl I know just died from anaphylactic shock. It makes me so sad. My friend called me today crying hysterically. She's only my age (22). We use to work together doing promo stuff when I was a student. She was such a nice girl. I was literally going to message her to see if she was working in Spain again this summer. I can't believe it!!
I'm actually crying now. I feel a bit silly since I wasn't close friends with her but still

I'm sorry to hear of this. Oddly enough I've known several insane people who should have been dead many times over who are still chugging along. It's weird how random mortality can be for some people.

My confession- I HATE losing weight. I am getting my shape back but I would love to stay this big. Going back down to two meals a day, wahhhh

audrey_k
01-22-2015, 06:10 PM
I totally hear this. I was a major overachiever when I was younger, too. I've realized since then that a lot of what I did back then was done from a place of fear ("if I don't do this, I'll fail at life!"), insecurity ("I'll never be good enough"), competitive feelings ("I'm gonna do this just because my sister did it!") or simply because I didn't know there were other options / other ways to succeed. Once you grow up a bit, chill out a bit, and realize that things generally work out regardless of how much or little pressure you put on yourself, you start giving fewer shits. That can be good (I know I don't miss my testing anxiety), but sometimes losing that anxious edge can make you feel unmotivated and lazy. I feel ya!
Agreed. But my bf just found a new job... While working his 50-60 hour a week job, so I'm gonna have to step up. :P

ScarletKitten
01-22-2015, 10:42 PM
Recently I watched some old interviews of Britney Spears - the ones from years back, talking about her breakup w/ Justin, and how she doesn't know how to get the paparazzi to leave her alone. Seeing her sad eyes, her breaking down during the interview.....it got to me. I cried and cried. I love Britney Spears so much. I always have. I hate what the industry has done to her - chewed her up and spit her out again and again. Watching the music video "Lucky" made me cry too. I guess I also feel like I can somewhat relate to her....having to put on this pretty face/ act sexy...when really, you are dying inside.

I love you Britney. Wherever you are, I hope you are okay, safe, and happy.

amberlly
01-23-2015, 03:36 AM
Some people don't belong in the sex industry. Managers where I work are going on about being conservative, trying to censor conversations and keep things very PG. Saying they are sweet virginal angels.

I smile and nod but want to tell them they are profiting from it so suck it up or get out.

Selina M
01-23-2015, 10:32 AM
I keep changing my mind every day whether I really want to move or not... like yes, I want out of this apt, but now I am second guessing the area we are planning to be in. The whole point was so I could have my horses close, but it's frustrating trying to find boarding that doesn't suck; they have actual corrals now, and it breaks my heart to put them back in little 12x24 stalls... but I can't move up to where they are now because my bf can't drive and the bus line doesn't extend that far.

Also I'm afraid of signing a 10 month lease and then hating it. Also also, I expected to be doing something more exciting by now, like being a nomad across the country... but instead here I am in this stupid college town, basically twiddling my fucking thumbs while my bf goes to school. I love him to pieces, but I feel like I'm sacrificing a lot over him putting his life back together.

Elektra Luxx
01-23-2015, 03:03 PM
It's been a very stressful few days and I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I'm tossing and turning all night. I’m tired when I wake up. I’ve been thinking of calling my ex and asking him to come over, but he has a girlfriend. I just want someone to hold me at night and tell me everything is going to be okay.

My Grandpa Joe is doing better. He had a 95% blockage in one of his arteries. The doctors called it "the widow maker", but is doing okay and may be going home in a few days.

charlie61
01-23-2015, 04:08 PM
I'm trying this:
http://lifehacker.com/5931186/give-a-new-shirt-a-vintage-soft-feel-with-a-salt-bath

So, the salt trick does NOT work...it didn't seem to do anything to the fabric. Right now, I'm trying a salt-vinegar mixture, just for fun. I'll report back. :)

hamdinger
01-23-2015, 04:12 PM
^ Pickled shirts!

charlie61
01-23-2015, 05:42 PM
^ Pickled shirts!

Yaaaaaas! :D