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carmen_b
06-17-2019, 05:43 PM
My confession is that I just ate so much at this event at my day job ( including two desserts ) that I both ashamed of myself and embarrassed I had to unbutton my pants on the ride back . I don't think anyone noticed or cared I ate so much. Haha.

SnuffleUffleGrass
06-17-2019, 06:28 PM
This is a touchy topic on SW, i know...

I confess that i've considered dancing behind my partner's back. Not because i need money, but because i want more money (to buy fun, totally unnecessary stuff instead of using my vanilla-job money for it). There are some really silly things I'd love to be able to buy without it affecting my savings - a crazy-nice espresso machine for my partner, all kinds of random stuff for myself...

Dancing came with many upsides and downsides for me, and i haven't done it in three years. I'm not going to pretend like dancing was all innocent, easy money - it was such hard work, involving regular, casual sexual assault, huge physical and emotional demands, etc. I always question if i even could do it again. My partner doesn't understand the industry at all - i know guys, I'm working on him... these things take time. I'd rather be with someone who is wary of sex work over someone who fetishizes it - and is not in any way cool with me dabbling in dancing as a side hustle. And honestly, i can understand. I'm not a jealous person, but even i think I'd really struggle if my partner's job were to seduce hundreds of women on a regular basis...

I'm conflicted because it's not like i need a bunch of money, but extra money is always nice to have... but breaking my partner's trust would be an unforgivable move. For me, it'd just be a lucrative side hustle, but for him it'd be a betrayal of trust, like as if I'd gone out and slept with someone else.

He has a four-night motorcycle trip coming up, and i sometimes think of that time as an opportunity.... He also works on Mondays, and i don't (that could be a regular work opportunity if i were to dance)...

Naw don't do it. Unfortunately with texting and find my iPhone apps at some point sneaking around will get discovered.

I would suggest claiming to be working as a doorgirl or waitress. IF you are confident he won't drop in by surprise where you work.

I say this because IMO dating isn't married, but you also don't want to wreck what might be a good thing. It's an interesting topic.

charlie61
06-17-2019, 06:56 PM
Naw don't do it. Unfortunately with texting and find my iPhone apps at some point sneaking around will get discovered.

I would suggest claiming to be working as a doorgirl or waitress. IF you are confident he won't drop in by surprise where you work.

I say this because IMO dating isn't married, but you also don't want to wreck what might be a good thing. It's an interesting topic.

Yeah, i wouldn't get a different job at a club. I'd either dance or not do it at all. And i don't think i could handle lying to him. He's quite the catch, and i don't want to risk everything for a bit of extra cash. That motorcycle trip coming up would truly give me enough time to squeeze a couple of shifts in without him knowing. But it'd be a lie by omission. Sigh. :(

charlie61
06-17-2019, 07:06 PM
Oh Charlie : That such a hard decision. I assumed you've chatted with him and just to be clean he is in the " it's ok in the past box but not current ?"

( that's how my long term ex was and why I didn't work for so long )

It's something he struggles with even as something i've done in my past - i think he thinks of sex work as being the same as my sexual history instead of being my work history. I'm trying to even just get him to the point where i can talk about some of the experiences i've had without it being awkward. It's quite challenging. It's really hard for him to imagine me in that kind of environment, i think. He struggles to articulate what his hangup is about the whole thing - i've asked him about it on many occasions and haven't gotten a solid answer. But it's hard because i feel closeted when i can't talk about it openly. And I'm so proud of that part of my past. I'd love to be able to talk to him about it at some point. Sigh. He's truly wonderful, and we're wonderful together - this is just something we're working on. It's slow going.

Sorry for the threadjack!

miss.a.p1600
06-17-2019, 08:40 PM
Yeah, i wouldn't get a different job at a club. I'd either dance or not do it at all. And i don't think i could handle lying to him. He's quite the catch, and i don't want to risk everything for a bit of extra cash. That motorcycle trip coming up would truly give me enough time to squeeze a couple of shifts in without him knowing. But it'd be a lie by omission. Sigh. :(

I interpret her post to mean instead of hiding the entire thing. Like stripping and not telling him. To just telling him you’re working as a door girl/ bartender/ waitress but be stripping instead. One seems like the lesser “evil” because the latter he knows you’re there just not exactly what you’re doing whereas the former he does not know you’re there nor what you’re doing.

if there is absolutely no way you’d get caught - like an out of town strip trip then that’s the only way I’d do it if I were you. But if you prefer to play it safe just abort the mission

Glamourmilf
06-18-2019, 08:29 AM
I am going back to escorting.
I miss the money SOOO much!
My life for the last 8 years on cam has been fun. But, sitting here, waiting on a check for work I've done over a week ago is seriously bumming me out.
My next door neighbor announced that she quit her job (cater waiter), and has a sugar daddy.
I see her lounging around most days that I'm inside for hours camming for peanuts.
She's always in cute short shorts, carrying in pretty packages from shopping excursions.
Food containers from dinners out. A new car.
The topper? She's 52 years old!
I miss the cash in hand.
The ways clients look at me, with such lust and desire. ( Even if it isn't real, it still feels amazing).
I just wish I knew where to advertise, now that the fosta is in full force, and busts abound.
51494

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2019, 08:40 AM
My next door neighbor announced that she quit her job (cater waiter), and has a sugar daddy.
I see her lounging around most days that I'm inside for hours camming for peanuts.
She's always in cute short shorts, carrying in pretty packages from shopping excursions.
Food containers from dinners out. A new car.
The topper? She's 52 years old!
I miss the cash in hand.

Girl Yes!

I’m over in the threads talking shit about never paying for dates nor paying half on rents/putting money towards dudes mortgages etc.

Some of the ladies are screaming - that’s sexist, go 50/50, men n women are equal! They are certainly entitled to their opinion but once they start seeing the value of working smarter not harder perhaps they will see the light.

Glamourmilf
06-18-2019, 08:48 AM
Girl Yes!

I’m over in the threads talking shit about never paying for dates nor paying half on rents/putting money towards dudes mortgages etc.

Some of the ladies are screaming - that’s sexist, go 50/50, men n women are equal! They are certainly entitled to their opinion but once they start seeing the value of working smarter not harder perhaps they will see the light.

Yes! Or, once they're older, they will realize that the energy needed to create money has dwindled.
That men must PAY! PERIOD!
Well, that's how I feel anyway.

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2019, 09:00 AM
Yes! Or, once they're older, they will realize that the energy needed to create money has dwindled.
That men must PAY! PERIOD!
Well, that's how I feel anyway.

EXACTLY! I try to save my energy so I can use it for Troll Bundy so I think to myself to have patience cause these women must be really young or raised by misogynists.

Once they get to their damn 30’s and have no assets, have to work while they’re pregnant/put their baby in daycares so they can work to pay their half, their dude expects sex/homecooking/clean house after she done worked long shifts, waste all their youth (and pussy) on a man who never marries them, then dude cheats on them for a woman who IS making him pay — I’m sure they might change their tune.

Oh well can lead the horse to the water but can’t make them drink.

Aurora_Sunset
06-18-2019, 10:25 AM
I completely feel what charlie is talking about...

I’ve thought repeatedly the last few months how nice it would be to go back to escorting just occasionally. I don’t want to go back full time but just tap back in to 3-4 clients that I used to make really good money off of for minimal work. The money would help me and my partner out so much.

But he’s the same way - accepts it as something “in the past,” but doesn’t even want to hear about that past. Like you said - he sees it more as my sexual history than my work history. When I’ve attempted to even tell lighthearted stories about clients that don’t involve sex, he’ll shut down. Tell me that he doesn’t judge me for what I used to do but he can’t handle hearing about it. That he just gets irrationally jealous even thinking about other men getting to touch me that way - even though to me, it was just work.

After all the arguing I did with my ex, I would actually much rather he be honest about his aversion to hearing about it, than to pull the crap my ex pulled where he would insist that he could handle it, even specifically encourage me to talk about it and asked questions, only to turn around every single time and get mad and start an argument because he obviously could NOT handle it. I constantly told him I would rather just not talk about it if he couldn’t handle it, so I can’t really turn around and insist on shoving the conversation down my current partner’s throat now. But I do feel censored... like he wants me to view that as some “desperate” time in my life that’s all behind me, when the reality is that I’m proud of what I accomplished in that realm and really did have fun most of the time, even through all the bullshit. To constantly have to keep quiet about it, like it’s some shameful time in my life, feels stifling. He also thinks it was an “attention” thing for me, and any conversation implying that I miss it, turns him wildly insecure about him thinking that he’s not giving me enough attention and worrying I’m gonna “look for someone else,” when that’s not what it’s about at all.

He’s clueless to my mindset and position in the industry... But he’s a great guy, great husband, and I love him and want to be with him over any of that, so I just come here to get it out of my system. I always told myself that I knew most guys would have a problem with it, and I made the very conscious decision that I was quitting for good if I was going to make it work with him without the issues that I had with my ex.

It would honestly be really easy to sneak off every once in awhile when he has his kids, or is at work all day when I’m not; during the times that I go out to Uber, I could easily just go to a client’s house or hotel for a little bit. But that would be a major violation of trust. I lied to my ex all the time to avoid fights for doing things that I wasn’t willing to stop doing but that I knew he hated. I snuck around a lot. I told myself that was no way to live and if I ever had another relationship, I wouldn’t stoop to that.

I can’t blame him. I made my decision. I don’t regret it, just miss the money and lifestyle sometimes and fantasize about being a “bad wife.” I know the guilt would eat me though.

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2019, 10:46 AM
Your stories about your ex Reminds me of the times I used to indulge in herbal remedies - which is still illegal here - and I ended up being forced to admit it to the guy (who turned out to be a loser) that I was dating at the time.

Yeah it was sort of my fault for hiding it from him to begin with. But hey it was illegal and I didn’t trust what he would do with the information.

So afterwards he started acting really weird.

Once he invited me over to his place and had like a silver platter of herbs and tried to act like he was all cool and we would partake together. And then once he was high he was whining like a little bitch.

Other times he would throw it in my face. Like when I’d be busy trying to make money or when I didn’t feel like meeting up with him he’d be like “oh probably because your over there getting high”

carmen_b
06-18-2019, 10:54 AM
My stomach is turning hearing about all these " having to hide it " stories.

I relate to all of it ( barf ) .

I am honestly worried currently about my dating life ( I don't disclose until the person knows me 3-6 weeks already and is leaning towards more serious ). I am VERY part time now ( this month may only be something like 4-6 club shifts total ).
I sometimes wonder if I should just quit again and never disclose ( just forever close the chapter ).
^ I won't do it soon though because I've been really " dialed in " my last few trips.

When I was still speaking to my ex ( no more of that thank goodness ) I couldn't believe he threw my sex work 2011- early 2102 range in my face in **2019** when I had been retired so long ( this is when I barely met him .... OF COURSE I didn't quit yet ..... ). I think in his eyes I am still " less than " due to sex work. Ill end here before I ramble.

I was already trying to tell B how valuable I feel this hustle is for me right now ( since I work in sales also for my day job working both allows me to cherry pick BOTH .... dealing with the easiest day job customers and dealing with the easiest strip club customers ). He listened but I am not sure he totally understood it .

I'll probably end up just continuing to tell people and hope for the best BUT if I run into more issues I may just not disclose.

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2019, 11:04 AM
How do I end this?????? Before he might get feelings????

carmen_b
06-18-2019, 11:10 AM
^ " I'm not intersted in your dick, have a good day . "

Kidding ..... but you know ..... that message in a kinder way.

miss.a.p1600
06-18-2019, 02:07 PM
^^^LOL!!!

I am horrible at ending things and I always just do the fizzle out but I know that can leave people feeling confused so I'm trying to be communicate maturely instead.

Something like "Hey Bob, I would love to continue this but I just don't think we would be compatible for a long-term relationship. I will give you a parting gift of allowing you to use your tongue to satisfy me - one time only! - but only after you do everything I ask and follow every instruction I give for the next 24 hours."

carmen_b
06-18-2019, 02:44 PM
^ He will totally do it.

cyberstripper
06-18-2019, 05:39 PM
I am also not for hiding dancing/other adult work. With certain people it is necessary but this is a person that you are building something with. It is only a matter of time until he finds out and this can paint you a certain way. On the flip side you did say dating so uncertain if it is really his business or not. Dating is another ballgame than being in a relationship. How are you going to explain all of the new purchases, if that is necessary in your case?

Dancing has its pros and cons. An espresso maker and stuff like that isn't worth all the cons for me. That is just me tho.

I'd only get back into it if it was something I wanted to do, I didn't have to rely on it. I was about to last summer but the universe gave me an undeniable sign. But I only have this body so much longer. I'm 36 and I am not bragging but my body is amazing for my age and I take good care of myself. The temptation is there for me.

My bad for not quoting but in response to the sugar daddy neighbor: I wouldn't concern myself so much with what the neighbor is doing. Who knows what she has to do to get that $. If she is in her 50's the SD must be ancient. I'm not judging her, but the grass isn't always greener. What you see is probably much different than the reality.

You cam, have a lot of freedom and no offense sounds like you're not taking full advantage of this. You too can lounge by the pool all you like, etc. You just need to manage the free time you do have. I'm getting better at that. But at times I fall into my old ways, spending my spare time online or in front of the TV rather than going to the pool or out. But, I have plenty of time I just need to spend it more wisely.

I know camming gets mundane and you wonder what you may be missing out on. But a few bad nights dancing/and bad dates with potential daddies, among other things will make you very thankful you can work from home and not interact with others irl lol.

2 years ago I set out to find me a rich man. I got on all the sites and I know it it's different for everyone. I moved to a part of town known for its golf courses and luxury homes. I knew what I was looking for and I know it is hella cliche. I wanted a long term arrangement with a man I find attractive that lead to something more serious. Not a sb per say. Of all the guys on the sites I only found one who was not soliciting sex for $. He offered to fly me out to Hawaii, I could live there with him rent free as long as I wanted. He was in his 50s but in shape, really cool and I clicked with him. We would definitely fall for each other. This is the only one I really considered, but the distance between us in the meantime was too much for me. I would not fly to hawaii to meet a stranger. Stay with them for a week and then up and live with him long term. I would need a bit to really get to know him. But I do kick myself in the ass for not going for a week or so. Lawd knows in my past I did much crazier things lol.

SnuffleUffleGrass
06-18-2019, 07:04 PM
It's something he struggles with even as something i've done in my past - i think he thinks of sex work as being the same as my sexual history instead of being my work history. I'm trying to even just get him to the point where i can talk about some of the experiences i've had without it being awkward. It's quite challenging. It's really hard for him to imagine me in that kind of environment, i think. He struggles to articulate what his hangup is about the whole thing - i've asked him about it on many occasions and haven't gotten a solid answer. But it's hard because i feel closeted when i can't talk about it openly. And I'm so proud of that part of my past. I'd love to be able to talk to him about it at some point. Sigh. He's truly wonderful, and we're wonderful together - this is just something we're working on. It's slow going.

Sorry for the threadjack!

IMO get him to marry you if he needs some sort of gesture to feel more secure about being with you.

If he is a catch don't risk problems. Honestly there are not that many catches out there.

My confession- it so unhealthy but I had Captain Crunch cereal for dinner.

JGB2009
06-19-2019, 07:40 PM
I so wanna masturbate right now!!!!!!

miss.a.p1600
06-19-2019, 08:27 PM
Omg

Omg

This mf got some good ass tongue kissing skills.

My pussy is wet just just thinking about this

I wish y’all could test this out so y’all could know what I’m talking about. Like I might have to say yes to this.

He gone tell me yesterday that I was a really good kisser and it was “magical”

I have no idea why I want to burst out laughing

NitaBaby
06-19-2019, 09:19 PM
I just wanna stop working and stare at my bills until they say "....well played" and leave.

Elektra Luxx
06-20-2019, 10:32 AM
I so wanna masturbate right now!!!!!!

I know exactly how you feel! I was super horny Sunday afternoon. More later...maybe.

carmen_b
06-20-2019, 02:57 PM
I have a date tonight I'm really excited about. I am not cleaning the house though. I need to relax and get in date mind set.
I was out of town 4 days and wanted to give him my first evening back.
I hope if it goes " well " ( wink ) that we will night cap at his place not here.
I am washing my lucky blue dress ( I've never been on a date in this dress that hasn't led to a 2nd one ).

carmen_b
06-22-2019, 01:20 PM
Of course we came back here. Hopefully I didn't lose him entirely with this mess. I started cleaning immediately.

miss.a.p1600
06-23-2019, 09:39 AM
Young dude asked me what I was cooking.

To give him an idea that i won’t be cooking FOR him I make sure to come up with some foods that I figure he wouldn’t like

Told him I was cooking gluten free/vegan/no seasonings lol!

I don’t do wife duties for men that ain’t no where close to husband status so no point of even going there

Elektra Luxx
06-23-2019, 11:38 AM
Do you know any really toxic people? No? Then it's probably you.

I'm surrounded by wonderful people and when I really think about it, I'm a really toxic person.

One little negative thought creeps into my head and it literally snowballs into self-loathing to the point where I hate myself and now I'm silently crying on the couch. And I do it all the time, why?!!

I have a particularly bad habit of self-loathing.

Elektra Luxx
06-23-2019, 11:53 AM
I have someone in my life who I love with all my heart and I know loves me, but that person makes me feel bad about myself. How can you not listen and believe someone you love and loves you when that person makes you feel small, ugly and stupid?

I need a nap, I'm working myself into a depression.

WendiStarr
06-23-2019, 01:50 PM
I have CompTIA A+ exam tomorrow morning and I've slacked off on studying. It's too late to reschedule it.

queenelayliah
06-24-2019, 01:56 AM
My life was just threatened and now im scared.

I really need to get healthy, learn how to defend myself.

SnuffleUffleGrass
06-24-2019, 09:57 AM
My life was just threatened and now im scared.

I really need to get healthy, learn how to defend myself.

Do you want to share about this event? I'm willing to listen.

lynn2009
06-24-2019, 03:46 PM
I'm way more upset about Darcy getting out of the garden yesterday than I should be. I really thought it was going to be perfect for us, it was huge and beautiful with lots and lots of trees and plants for him to get lots of new sniffs along with the exercise. And there was tons of grassy area for him to run in a straight shot too and he was really so super cute on saturday, running around off leash for the first time in six weeks or so (since I had him). I cant risk it again but had that dumb little shit just stayed in the fence it could have been a perfect little private sanctuary for us both forever. I'm really so sad i cant take him there anymore.

WendiStarr
06-24-2019, 05:55 PM
I'm finding it amusing to tell bf that I'm craving a specific food and he'll leave work on his lunch break to go get it and bring it to me.

JGB2009
06-25-2019, 02:38 AM
My heart is shredded in tiny pieces. I am having such highs and lows. Not to sure how to deal at times. Hoping by the end of week I will be much better.

lynn2009
06-26-2019, 08:35 PM
I had an extremely weird experience tonight and I am not sure what to think about it. There is a coworker I have, a guy, who I have had a thing for ever since he interviewed me February 2017. Had I done the transfer around April of this year he would have been my boss and I have always been very self conscious about his opinion of me and kind of awkward around him. He and I were both recently promoted to managers in our respective groups around the same time of my transfer discussions, March/April. Anyway there was a happy hour tonight for someone's last day and he and I started talking pretty intensely about being new managers, and he thinks I don't give myself enough credit and I'm too hard on myself and he really believes in me and he thinks we've always been kind of distant and he didn't want to be....he's married and seems to have a good marriage so I don't think he's looking to cheat or anything, I think he's really just meaning to be supportive of my neurotic and insecure self but for me being so attracted to him already it was extremely awkward and I didn't really know where he was going. I still don't really. I don't know what it will be like in the office tomorrow.

carmen_b
06-27-2019, 12:27 PM
^ It sounds like he is genuine and non-creepy from this.

Hard to tell but try to think of him as an ally ( at least while he behaves that way ). It seems like he will continue to support your work.
He is probably attracted but is one of the "good ones " being faithful.

baer45
06-27-2019, 01:34 PM
I had an extremely weird experience tonight and I am not sure what to think about it. There is a coworker I have, a guy, who I have had a thing for ever since he interviewed me February 2017. Had I done the transfer around April of this year he would have been my boss and I have always been very self conscious about his opinion of me and kind of awkward around him. He and I were both recently promoted to managers in our respective groups around the same time of my transfer discussions, March/April. Anyway there was a happy hour tonight for someone's last day and he and I started talking pretty intensely about being new managers, and he thinks I don't give myself enough credit and I'm too hard on myself and he really believes in me and he thinks we've always been kind of distant and he didn't want to be....he's married and seems to have a good marriage so I don't think he's looking to cheat or anything, I think he's really just meaning to be supportive of my neurotic and insecure self but for me being so attracted to him already it was extremely awkward and I didn't really know where he was going. I still don't really. I don't know what it will be like in the office tomorrow.

"he thinks we've always been kind of distant and he didn't want to be....he's married"

I have met plenty of these type of men in office. Yes they are married, yes they want a side piece, at least emotionally. What I recommend, take full advantage of someone who supports you at work. Enjoy the sweet talk. You are the player, don't get played.

carmen_b
06-27-2019, 05:02 PM
My fave massage customer was just here. Damn. He massages me half the session. I was legitimately turned on.

I think is probably how escorting starts for some lol. I did send him away a few minutes ago so I could get club ready. ;/

lynn2009
06-27-2019, 06:24 PM
I am quite stuck on thinking he was being romantic. I don't really want to talk to him if not. While we were still at the bar & in front of everyone he winked at me. Ive worked in a professional capacity a long time and it's not normal to say stuff like "I don't want to be distant with you". And he kept hugging me at the bar and then walking back and then I was feeling sick in the heat so he drove me to my car and we sat in the car and kept talking until his wife called when it was almost 11. I am feeling imposter syndrome bad lately at work, so it's easy to dismiss all the nice things he said. But he insisted I am way too hard on myself and kept hugging me. He was reminding me very much of Derek.

carmen_b
06-27-2019, 06:43 PM
^ You know.
He could be grooming for creepiness ....
At the very least he seems 100% in your pocket for an ally at this point ( even if temporary ).

It could even be just missing flirting / missing the single life ect.

lynn2009
06-27-2019, 06:53 PM
Yeah, he might. Hes a fun outgoing person in general and he can be a little flirty with everyone tbh. I'm anticipating tomorrow being terrible but I think I'll see if he wants to go out for coffee at some point. I was getting so nervous last night waiting for him to reach in for a kiss or say he likes me. I felt like a kid.

lynn2009
06-28-2019, 09:57 AM
Ok, I don't think he was being romantic after all and now I feel like more of a loser than ever.

Glamourmilf
06-28-2019, 10:46 AM
My fave massage customer was just here. Damn. He massages me half the session. I was legitimately turned on.

I think is probably how escorting starts for some lol. I did send him away a few minutes ago so I could get club ready. ;/

It was the reverse for me.
But, yes, I can see how that would happen.

Elektra Luxx
06-28-2019, 02:00 PM
Ok, I don't think he was being romantic after all and now I feel like more of a loser than ever.

I have never met a guy who "just wants to be friends". They all say it. From the time they're in daycare pulling a little girl's hair to the hospice nurse they're hitting on before they kick the bucket. Is it possible you found the only guy in your city that doesn't have an ulterior motive? I don't think so, don't let your guard down.

carmen_b
06-28-2019, 04:53 PM
I am so horny, omg.
;/

I wish the man I am seeing lived closer. If I told him I was DTF I bet he'd drive here.
We have plans tomorrow ( in 23 hours haha ). I did tell him I was " cuddle hungry " via text.
I really want to have a check in convo with him ( about not moving towards sex until we are bf / gf ) .
I will wing it tomorrow and see how that goes.

Update : I thought the work day would never end. I almost had a melt down over stripper trip exhaustion ( which pushed day job tasks back ).
2 hours till I go to meet him !!
I'm leaning towards disclosing the stripper thing but I will vibe it out and see how our time together goes.

I do want to F%&k him. If I do and don't disclose adult work I hope he doesn't get mad.

charlie61
06-28-2019, 05:22 PM
Ok, I don't think he was being romantic after all and now I feel like more of a loser than ever.

You can enjoy the feelings you got from the interaction without it being about HIM, you know what i mean? It was a good evening and an interaction that made you feel good. So just enjoy the memory of whatever it felt like and don't beat yourself up about it!

lynn2009
06-28-2019, 06:54 PM
I have never met a guy who "just wants to be friends". They all say it. From the time they're in daycare pulling a little girl's hair to the hospice nurse they're hitting on before they kick the bucket. Is it possible you found the only guy in your city that doesn't have an ulterior motive? I don't think so, don't let your guard down.

Nope, I really think he's legit. He never said "I just want to be friends" it's more of I invited him out for coffee today to talk privately and he was sooo clueless. We saw each other in the hallway a couple times yesterday and we talked a little but to me it still felt kind of weird. Then today I instant messaged him around noon asking if he wanted to get coffee and he didn't want anything but said sure he would go with for a walk. So then once we were in the elevator I said I didn't have anything to talk about but thought we should do something so it's not so awkward all the time in the hallway anymore. And he said I thought we got over awkward on Wednesday?? Which I did not think we were you know, like to me Wednesday was more awkward than ever cause I kept waiting for the clarity in what was happening aka the "I like you". But I guess he thought we were kosher because it is what it is, like we talked but didn't get romantic and that's all he expected or was looking for.


You can enjoy the feelings you got from the interaction without it being about HIM, you know what i mean? It was a good evening and an interaction that made you feel good. So just enjoy the memory of whatever it felt like and don't beat yourself up about it!

I'm not too disappointed this didn't end with a big romance but more upset with myself for misjudging the situation so badly. And given the way he was talking on Wednesday, I feel like he thinks I need hand holding through life. I don't want pity friends.

Aurora_Sunset
06-29-2019, 06:43 PM
Spent the day writing new content for a fanfic that I started writing like 13 years ago. It was really popular in its category, and got tons of reviews. I have often gone years between updating it, just to rise from the grave again and make one or two chapter updates, and then disappear. But I never wanted to abandon the story. I want to finish it this year. It will be the first multi-chapter story I've ever finished. Even if it's amateur fanfiction, it will make me feel really good, especially since the story will hit over 100K words by the time it's finished.

seashell
06-30-2019, 02:21 AM
Spent the day writing new content for a fanfic that I started writing like 13 years ago. It was really popular in its category, and got tons of reviews. I have often gone years between updating it, just to rise from the grave again and make one or two chapter updates, and then disappear. But I never wanted to abandon the story. I want to finish it this year. It will be the first multi-chapter story I've ever finished. Even if it's amateur fanfiction, it will make me feel really good, especially since the story will hit over 100K words by the time it's finished.
Fanfiction is the best! You probably have some of the same readers from when you first started your story. I love sites like Archive of Our Own, there are some great writers out there.

whirlerz
06-30-2019, 08:50 AM
Well, I booked a room for the 4th, for myself..
Motel6, w/fridge/microwave & outdoor pool

So sick of this friggin' place, 2 ppl (heavy smoker) upstairs, landlord knows, I already told him, & he comes weekly..place stinks like a nasty dive
Last night (late) Idk wtf they were doing up there, sounded like furniture moving. Go to motel, or stfu. I screamed out knock it off. Now ms friendly B doesn't say o well
The roomie took out the garbage, tho, so he told him that.
Sorry for the rant

ravenskyy
07-01-2019, 07:08 PM
I don't think that I'm wife material. Even though I'm not doing a bad job at being married, I don't feel 100% comfortable in this role. It's been 3 years and it still feels foreign to me. I really think my husband and I are going to end up divorced at some point. I love him so much but I'm kind of okay with it. I feel like he deserves better than me anyway.

I can honestly see myself divorced, living in a nice 4 bedroom house, sharing custody of my kids, dancing and starting my own business. I would miss him though.

We aren't having any serious marital problems either. We disagree from time to time but nothing major. I just don't feel like this path is right for me. Maybe it's the mental illness talking. Idk. I just don't think I can live like this for much longer.