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Kellydancer
04-09-2010, 07:18 PM
I have made a drastic decision that I hope doesn't happen. The drastic decision is that if I don't end up with the guy I want I plan to have my tubes tied. I've never desired to have kids with anyone else, and I'll be damned if I'll go through pregnancy and childbirth for someone I don't feel anything for. I'm tired of people saying it's not "fair" for me to deny a child to a guy. I'm also tired of people saying if he doesn't work out I'll find the "one". Um no, I am 39 and don't think I'll find anyone I want if not him. I might find an ok guy, but have a child with him? Nope.




I wish single people who give marriage advice would just STFU.

Related to this, I hate when people give advice on a subject they don't know. This is my pet peeve. I used to work in marketing for a radio station, which means I know both radio and marketing. Makes sense expect I knew someone who used to argue with me that they knew more about radio marketing. Their experience? They listened to the radio! No, that doesn't give one experience unless you actually worked or studied it. Otherwise stfu.

lol1337a
04-10-2010, 02:03 AM
I got drunk tonight and talked about stripping a lot. One kid rolled his eyes. Then I went home and cried about everyone judging me for being a stripper. I'm still drunk.

Jessie_tinydancer
04-10-2010, 05:41 AM
^LOL don't feel bad. I do that all the time. I get drunk and start talking shit about how this customer gave me $$$ last week and this customer gave me $$$ the week before and blah blah blah blah and then shut up when I see all my mates looking at me like WTF??? Guys just give you $$$? And they are old and fat? ew! LOL

Jessie_tinydancer
04-10-2010, 05:46 AM
Thank you! The first time I heard about polyamourous was when I took an online quiz about three weeks ago. According to it, even though I've had a lot of partners I'm not poly, I'm just a regular old slut. It sucks when even the internet is calling you a slut.

Don't worry, I haven't done a gangbang with strangers. It just keeps running through my head. Probably part of my playing with fire personality. I get weird urges to do illogical, and maybe self destructive things. Like jump off high places or step in front of busses. I don't think I'm suicidal, it's just this incredible urge to see what might happen.

I don't really know if poly is right for me. Sometimes I really really wish someone would love me, and other times I'm glad I'm single and can date around and have friends with benefits and just regular old fuck buddies. It used to really bother me that I got labeled the "school slut" and I did everything I could to get people, especially guys, to like me. Which really turned me into the school slut. Part of me has come to terms with it and part of me hasn't.

I went to enough groups and counseling to know that my relationship with sex is never going to be exactly normal. It's kind of hard to live with that sometimes but also kind of nice to not worry about being normal because I know I'm not.

You are not weird. I am a swinger and I have never done a gang bang, but I often fantasize about it. I also have rape fantasies. I don't think I will ever do a gang bang. It is just one of those things I like to think about but not actually act out. I do ask my husband to hit and choke me sometimes in bed though. But alas he is never rough enough.

Lola_sinn
04-10-2010, 01:45 PM
I have purposely fucked a few people over in relationships when I decided I was bored with the relationship just to get my jollies.

I've done this too.

Harleigh HellKat
04-10-2010, 02:19 PM
I'm going to move my girl in the champagne room fantasy over to this thread... because yeah I'd NEVER do it, but I often do think about having my way with another girl in the champagne room while the bubbly is flowing. I think I have a thing for public places, but I'm too chicken to do anything about it... like at the movie theater etc.

But let me just say I'd totally never risk my job like that. Just fun to think about. :D

Edit: Oh and I also get really mean when I get bored and want to break up. Not sure why.

firemaiden04
04-13-2010, 02:43 AM
I'm really into this guy that I'm friends-with-benefits with. I'm crazy about him. And this summer, the two of us have vowed that no matter what, we're both going to go out to Saratoga every Saturday night to drink and have fun, because we're both single for the first time in a long time. So we did it this past Sat., as usual, and his older brother came along. Well, long story short, we all had a blast, and then when we got back to my guy's house, he went to bed in a weird mood, and his brother and friend and I were all in the living room, and they were telling me that this guy is crazy for not wanting to be with me, etc. Well, I end up out on the porch with the brother, and we gradually end up cuddling on the couch out there. For like four hours. Nothing happened, but there was definitely an enormous spark there. And every once in awhile he would say something like, "My brother's an idiot for not wanting to be with you," or, "Your ex was a moron, there's nothing wrong with you," or various other compliments. And there was a little not-so-innocent leg stroking going on. Both of our pulses were racing. And I'm not going to lie--there were a few moments when I was PRAYING he would kiss me, or something, cause I was hugely turned on.

So, yeah. I definitely wanted to fuck my FWB's brother. And this is the FWB I want a relationship with. So how the fuck do I handle THIS situation? Fml.

prettysammie
04-13-2010, 09:09 PM
You are not weird. I am a swinger and I have never done a gang bang, but I often fantasize about it. I also have rape fantasies. I don't think I will ever do a gang bang. It is just one of those things I like to think about but not actually act out. I do ask my husband to hit and choke me sometimes in bed though. But alas he is never rough enough.

Yeah, I have rape fantasies too! And I know what you mean about guys not getting rough enough. No matter how hard I try or how much I ask them to, they never do it. I guess that says something good about them as people, but it makes them less fun in bed. There's only one guy I've met who could be rough enough but he scares me in other ways.

I'm the freaky, slutty chick in my dorm. I think my poor roommate got a boyfriend just so she could have a different place to stay }:D

JayFo1987
04-14-2010, 04:53 PM
For the past month I've been planning to find an apartment and move away from my emotionally abusive boyfriend. Whenever he asks me if I plan to leave him I lie to spare his feelings even though he treats me like shit.

Harleigh HellKat
04-14-2010, 05:54 PM
^I did the same thing once... I wasn't lying to spare his feelings though. I was lying to ensure I had a place to stay until I located my apartment... that and I wanted to punk the hell out of him when he came home from work one day and I wasn't there. :D

JayFo1987
04-14-2010, 06:29 PM
lol its partly that too }:D he sort of guessed the plan in its entirety and i lied my ass off "no baby im not gonna just pack all my stuff and move away while you're at work so when you come home there's a note and a picture of me giving you the finger"

papillonluvr
04-14-2010, 07:42 PM
Sometimes I want to have an affair...but would never do it to my husband.

I wish he would go to a swinger party with me...I want to have sex at the same time with multiple partners, or one right after the other...but he won't go for it.
oh well...sigh

prettysammie
04-15-2010, 01:47 AM
Sometimes I want to have an affair...but would never do it to my husband.

I wish he would go to a swinger party with me...I want to have sex at the same time with multiple partners, or one right after the other...but he won't go for it.
oh well...sigh

Yeah, but I bet if you suggested a threesome with two girls he'd be all over it. ::)

Victoria669Jones
04-15-2010, 04:04 AM
I think like this all the time but my husband isn't up for it either. It's not because I don't love him or find him attractive any more, it's just that I can totally separate love from sex!


Sometimes I want to have an affair...but would never do it to my husband.

I wish he would go to a swinger party with me...I want to have sex at the same time with multiple partners, or one right after the other...but he won't go for it.
oh well...sigh

Harleigh HellKat
04-15-2010, 12:05 PM
Yeah, but I bet if you suggested a threesome with two girls he'd be all over it. ::)

Ummm I secretly want to have a threesome er well relationship in which all partners boink, not like a one night thing. My boyfriend knows I want to boink a girl but I'm not sure he knows that I wouldn't really mind sharing as long as it was an equal triangle relationship. I've never had a poly relationship before, but for some reason I REALLY want to. He's had experience.

I figure I'll just spring it on him one day. :D

I also really want to Domme a girl. Because I never have, and I think it would be way sexier than Domming a guy. That is all. :-X

Victoria669Jones
04-15-2010, 12:10 PM
Oh god I'd love to domme a girl too. I'm dominant with girls in bed anyway, but I haven't fully dominated any. The thought of it drives me crazy.

Harleigh HellKat
04-15-2010, 12:24 PM
You too? Oh my god it's like all I ever think about. Glad I'm not the odd one out here lol.

My lesbian tendencies have been REALLY repressed until recently. It's kinda like a volcano that doesn't erupt for years, then when it gets the chance to, it's uncontrollable. Oh and I swear I turned into a dude. I will smile and wink and googly eyes at anything in a skirt lol. I live in a small town so it makes it even funnier when I'm ogling the obviously straight waitress at the BBQ place. :D

I've only been with one girl and kissed a few... I always felt bad afterwards because of the way I was raised. I even had a psycho ex boyfriend that thought it was disgusting. (Seriously, two girls fucking... he thought I was the antichrist.) This is what happens when you grow up in the bible belt. I've just now come to terms that it is ok to like girls, guilt free. :D

rubyredlipsss
04-15-2010, 09:17 PM
i went off my bipolar meds for awhile and was drinking a lot. i really didn't want to go back on my meds but after feeling crazy and up and down, i've decided to go back on my meds even though i still don't want to. i'm sick of having to take meds and sometimes i fantasize about being a drug addict and give up on life and live a life of pure craziness and recklessness. but i've come to my senses and realize i don't want my life to go to all hell but sometimes i feel like giving up because i'm sick of dealing with this disorder. i've promised myself not to drink anymore but staying sober is hard and i have to cut a lot my college friends who drink like crazy out of my life to stay sober and now i feel like the biggest loner...but i have to stay sober if i take my meds to avoid brain damage or having a stroke.

PRETTYdangerous
04-15-2010, 09:37 PM
I'm so painfully depressed that its hard to get out of bed. I feel like I live under this black cloud that I can't seem to escape. I just showered for the first time in 9 days and the entire time I was in the shower the only thing I could think of was how badly I wanted to get out and go back to bed. My misery is written on my face; I have horrible dark circles and the most dull lifeless face.

I want to be normal and feel normal so badly. But I'm starting to think I'll never shake this.

rubyredlipsss
04-15-2010, 09:45 PM
i've been there, stayed in bed for weeks. maybe it's time to see someone to talk to and go on anti-depressants? i know though it's hard to even make the effort. i know that type of depression all too well. when i'm depressed all i do is stay in bed and barely leave my house and don't shower either. if you ever need someone to talk to, PM me...i can completely understand what you're going through.

Simone NinaNin
04-15-2010, 10:21 PM
I'm so painfully depressed that its hard to get out of bed. I feel like I live under this black cloud that I can't seem to escape. I just showered for the first time in 9 days and the entire time I was in the shower the only thing I could think of was how badly I wanted to get out and go back to bed. My misery is written on my face; I have horrible dark circles and the most dull lifeless face.

I want to be normal


and feel normal so badly. But I'm starting to think I'll never shake this.

My thoughts are with you. I am sending you love and positive energy.

Glamgirl
04-16-2010, 03:56 AM
Im sorry to hear about the depression ladies :(

Victoria669Jones
04-16-2010, 04:01 AM
^^ Me too. Hugs.

I used to suffer from depression until I started taking high levels of omega 3 supplements and cut out sugar from my diet. Diet isn't always to blame for depression of course, but sometimes it can be an issue.

rubyredlipsss
04-16-2010, 11:38 AM
^that is true in some cases. for example, i have a gluten intolerance and read one of the side effects of eating gluten when you're intolerant can cause anxiety and depression. so, there ARE actually different reasons for causation of depression, sometimes diet, sometimes a chemical imbalance or other tough life situations. for me it's a chemical imbalance in my brain (but as everyone--or at least some cause i talk about it a lot-- knows i suffer from bipolar disorder) but i think before i was diagnosed with bpd and my gluten intolerance only compounded the severity of my depressive episodes and anxiety (which is separate from my disorder)

Simone NinaNin
04-16-2010, 09:54 PM
I just dranka bottle of wine and ate a bag of chips. ewwwwww

Miss_McKenna
04-17-2010, 12:10 AM
^^

I hear ya on the depression thing :(

My roommate and I always chat about our plans for the next days etc the night before, in case she needs me to drive her somewhere. I tell her I'm going to work but a lot of the time I wake up depressed and stay in bed all day instead. I don't want her to know whats going on, so a lot of the time I make up lies for her about what various things held me back from going to the club that day (car issues, got called in to my internship, cat was sick, had migraine... etc).

The comments about being gluten intolerant and taking Omega 3 really interest me, I'm gonna look into that.

Lexi_Girl
04-17-2010, 06:14 AM
I take vitamin D and that helps mild depression when you live in a place with so little sun. Since I started taking it, I find I'm a little less hard on myself, but I still have bad days when vitamin D just doesn't help. I'm really, really hard on myself and I always assume the worst.

I've never had a negative job evaluation, and I had another one Thursday and I was just ready for my boss to tell me all the things wrong with me. The review was, rather, glowing and they extended my position from April 30th to June 30th. But I know by June I'll be waiting for her to tear me down a few pegs again :X

JayFo1987
04-17-2010, 10:13 AM
I thought about this guy I've been lusting after for about a month now and masturbated...I cried immediately after. I felt guilty for the orgasm. First time that's ever happened to me and I think it happened because a part of me already knows we wouldn't work out. :(

firemaiden04
04-18-2010, 04:48 AM
I'm terrified that within a few hours, my best friend, who used to be my FWB, is going to call me or text me or facebook-message me and say we can't talk or hang out anymore, because this female friend of his gets all jealous and has been trying to guilt him into a relationship for months. Or worse, I'm afraid he's just going to cut me off, by blocking me online and blocking my number. We encountered this situation years ago, and I told him I'd give him one more chance, because I've been in bad relationships too, where I let the guy rule my life. But I'm seriously terrified. I'm in love with this guy, I'm absolutely crazy about him. And I can't take being put in this fucking situation ever again. He promised me he'd never do this to me again, but last night ended up a really bad night, and this fucking bitch friend of his went and called me a whore all over facebook. So I'm waiting for him to sober up...and then I don't know what will happen. I can't take this shit again. I just can't.

Simone NinaNin
04-18-2010, 05:28 AM
Today is the anniversary of my sisters death. I had wierd dreams last night and already cried today and yelled at someone who didn't deserve it.

J.D.
04-18-2010, 05:31 AM
I have personally met two members from here, SW, and hooked them up via exchanging phone numbers a few days ago. I thought they would be a good match. The guy is now driving on his way to meet her and they are getting married in 72 hours. They have never physically met, and have only been talking on the phone for a few days. I will wait to reveal who they are, but you guys are going to be SHOCKED!!!

shasta
04-18-2010, 05:40 AM
^^^OMG, that is crazy!!

Simone NinaNin
04-18-2010, 10:25 AM
This thread makes me want to have a big slumber party and have all the girls on here come
over and support each other. My thoughts are with all of you. Xoxo

rubyredlipsss
04-18-2010, 12:08 PM
my mom committed suicide a couple years ago... i never seeked therapy or brought it up in the real world, but I have anxiety attacks everywhere I go, especially at work. Nobody knows this other side of me that I keep hidden all the time, but when it comes out, it's really scary. I have severe abandonment and rejection issues.

i'm so sorry to hear that. my father died when i was younger and i have the same severe abandonment and rejection issues. i'm still trying to figure out how to get over them.

my father's birthday was last week and i feel guilty that i didn't visit his grave, i've only been once and i still feel guilty that i've only been once since his death, but every year on his birthday and the day he died i feel an immense amount of sadness.

rubyredlipsss
04-18-2010, 12:13 PM
I have personally met two members from here, SW, and hooked them up via exchanging phone numbers a few days ago. I thought they would be a good match. The guy is now driving on his way to meet her and they are getting married in 72 hours. They have never physically met, and have only been talking on the phone for a few days. I will wait to reveal who they are, but you guys are going to be SHOCKED!!!

ooh the anticipation is killing me. tell me now now now ;)

mediocrity
04-18-2010, 04:33 PM
I have personally met two members from here, SW, and hooked them up via exchanging phone numbers a few days ago. I thought they would be a good match. The guy is now driving on his way to meet her and they are getting married in 72 hours. They have never physically met, and have only been talking on the phone for a few days. I will wait to reveal who they are, but you guys are going to be SHOCKED!!!

I wonder who THAT could be. . .

rubyredlipsss
04-18-2010, 04:44 PM
^haha, i think i figured it out. still, congrats to the sw members getting married...weddings, even in the simplest forms, make me happy. i'm still waiting to find that connection and it's making me sad cause i'm so damn lonely. oh well (le sigh)

Kellydancer
04-18-2010, 07:30 PM
^haha, i think i figured it out. still, congrats to the sw members getting married...weddings, even in the simplest forms, make me happy. i'm still waiting to find that connection and it's making me sad cause i'm so damn lonely. oh well (le sigh)

I know that feeling all too well. I thought I had a boyfriend, but he's acting too weird and I'm letting make the next move and so far he hasn't. Many people I know are telling me to ditch him for now (he's got a lot of red flags) and try dating someone else. The only problem is I want a 40+ nerdy never married guy without kids who's not a slob and these guys are hard to find. Even just looking for a 40 year old guy is hard. You either have the guys who've been married and have kids (a big issue with me and I'd have a hard time being the second wife or a stepmom), loser guys who are single for a reason, or the guys who just want sex and no relationship. There's a small percentage who are still unmarried because they haven't met the right girl and concentrated on careers, but they are a small percentage. If I had known that eventually I'd want to marry I would have concentrated in my late 20's-early 30's on a man and my career instead of just my career.

rubyredlipsss
04-18-2010, 07:39 PM
^yeah i thought i had found that connection with my ex but i soon learned a lot about him after breaking things off and never felt so used and confused at the same time in my life. the details of it would take pages to write out on here but basically he really broke down all my trust in men in general. i want more than anything to find a good guy who is honest but it feels like the number of those actually existing is dwindling. i'm still young so i guess i should be optimistic but i go so long without being in a relationship and all i want more than anything is a meaningful relationship, yet all i seem to find are guys who are only interested in having sex with me and moving onto the next girl. but we shouldn't lose hope, there's a man out there somewhere for both of us. trying to think positive thoughts, but damn it's hard. especially when i see all my friends in relationships.

Kellydancer
04-18-2010, 07:45 PM
I don't know how old you are, but looking for a guy around my age (I am 39) who's someone I'd actually want to date is hard. Everyone tells me to try online dating but did that and all I found were either married guys, guys wanting sex, etc. Stinks, especially when you think you found the right one. I was so sure on him because he's always wanted me and I wanted him. People tell me to lower my standards but still don't want to date a fat slob with kids.

rubyredlipsss
04-18-2010, 08:35 PM
i'm in my 20s so i guess i'm still young, but i'm not into the party scene and it seems like all the guys i'm interested in, i'm not. my sister is around your age and finally met a good looking, never been married, has no kids, good man. they're very happy together and will be getting married soon. so there's hope! i feel so broken that it's probably best that i'm not in a relationship until i'm ready to trust again. but i've also made the promise to myself that i'm holding out on sex until i'm in a relationship because i'm sick of feeling like i'm nothing but a piece of meat. but even that is hard. :-\

mediocrity
04-18-2010, 08:37 PM
^haha, i think i figured it out. still, congrats to the sw members getting married...weddings, even in the simplest forms, make me happy. i'm still waiting to find that connection and it's making me sad cause i'm so damn lonely. oh well (le sigh)

Ok, ok, ok. Its myself and nola manager! He is a total bad ass and I am forever indebted to my best friend JD. We love you JD!!!! Its an interesting story but we will be married asap.



Q N A? You got it? Ask us. He wants to add his input but OH SNAPSZ- he is forbidden to post here, which by the way I think is C-R-A-P






PS. We are getting divorced asap because we are both jack asses.





JK.

rubyredlipsss
04-18-2010, 08:53 PM
^woohoo!! why can't he post on here anymore? that sounds pretty LAME to me. are you moving to nola or staying in austin? did he get down on one knee or anything? you don't sound like the traditional type of girl so how's this wedding going down? oh the questions i could keep on asking, i'm a curious cat what can i say ;)

Kellydancer
04-18-2010, 08:55 PM
i'm in my 20s so i guess i'm still young, but i'm not into the party scene and it seems like all the guys i'm interested in, i'm not. my sister is around your age and finally met a good looking, never been married, has no kids, good man. they're very happy together and will be getting married soon. so there's hope! i feel so broken that it's probably best that i'm not in a relationship until i'm ready to trust again. but i've also made the promise to myself that i'm holding out on sex until i'm in a relationship because i'm sick of feeling like i'm nothing but a piece of meat. but even that is hard. :-\

A few years ago I made the decision to abstain from sex until the relationship gets serious so I know exactly where you are coming from. People thought I was crazy because I was one of the most open minded sexual people, but it's a choice I had to make to get better men. Congrats to your sister. Yes, there's hope for all of us.

rubyredlipsss
04-18-2010, 09:00 PM
yes, this was a recent decision and like you my friends sort of don't believe me cause i've had a lot of casual sex and whatnot...they actually don't think i'll stick my guns but after being hurt again and again, i have to stop playing the victim and take control of what's going to make me feel good and empowered.

prettysammie
04-19-2010, 12:55 AM
After this weekend I think I'm going to give up drinking. I went to a party on Friday and I can't even figure out how I got back to my dorm on Sunday. I just woke up a few hours ago in my room. I don't know where Saturday went.

JayATee
04-19-2010, 05:16 AM
Q N A? You got it? Ask us. He wants to add his input but OH SNAPSZ- he is forbidden to post here, which by the way I think is C-R-A-P


WTF? Since when?

Congrats btw, M! ;D

Jessie_tinydancer
04-19-2010, 05:21 AM
Ok, ok, ok. Its myself and nola manager! He is a total bad ass and I am forever indebted to my best friend JD. We love you JD!!!! Its an interesting story but we will be married asap.
.

Holy crap! I think I missed something here in your recent life events... LOL

Anyway congratulations! I love spontaneity! :couple: Have fun at the wedding!

charlie61
04-19-2010, 12:39 PM
Ok, ok, ok. Its myself and nola manager! He is a total bad ass and I am forever indebted to my best friend JD. We love you JD!!!! Its an interesting story but we will be married asap.



Wait...what happened to that other guy you were dating? I believe you called him "J"?

Lola_sinn
04-19-2010, 02:44 PM
Wait...what happened to that other guy you were dating? I believe you called him "J"?

I was wondering about this too, congratulations though!