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ravenskyy
12-11-2019, 01:42 PM
I feel ugly today. Idk why. I've changed my makeup and outfit for cam, 3 times already. Maybe I'm just ugly.

Aurora_Sunset
12-11-2019, 02:32 PM
Someone left their headphones in my car during an Uber trip yesterday. I'll probably just keep them. I feel bad taking them, because I normally do everything in my power to return lost items, but 1) I don't actually know which passenger left them; I have a guess, but who knows, 2) whoever it was lives clear on the other side of town, because I found them after driving around there all morning. I don't feel like driving back out there to leave them in a mailbox for the person it might be. If someone reports them lost to Uber, I'll do what I can, but for now, I'm just keeping them... I needed new headphones anyway.

carmen_b
12-11-2019, 02:49 PM
If it’s important to them they will reach you. ^

WendiStarr
12-12-2019, 10:51 AM
It's super cold today and I don't plan on doing shit for the next few hours other than reading Kindle with Amazon Prime in bed.

miss.a.p1600
12-13-2019, 10:27 AM
I thought pulling back would help but maybe I’m not good at it. Maybe I just need to let go altogether.

This is slowly getting out of my control (in a major way - like I can’t concentrate on my life) and I need to take back control

Edit: I’m ending it.

I’m tired of posting on SW, I’m tired of figuring out what to do, I’m tired of thinking/hoping/fantasizing and wasting up ALL my mental energy on a guy who is possibly unavailable emotionally

Ifyouseekamy
12-15-2019, 06:16 AM
I thought pulling back would help but maybe I’m not good at it. Maybe I just need to let go altogether.

This is slowly getting out of my control (in a major way - like I can’t concentrate on my life) and I need to take back control

Edit: I’m ending it.

I’m tired of posting on SW, I’m tired of figuring out what to do, I’m tired of thinking/hoping/fantasizing and wasting up ALL my mental energy on a guy who is possibly unavailable emotionally

I appreciate your posts. It’s validating. I’ve thought of dating or hooking up with guys and then I read your posts. I’m like, “I don’t miss dating at all”. I miss getting dicked down, but I’ve acquired a substitute. I just turn it on and DONE! I don’t have to go through it’s phone, worry about him becoming jealous of my job, or wasting my time. When I think through it rationally I don’t see why I need man at all.

miss.a.p1600
12-15-2019, 07:59 AM
I appreciate your posts. It’s validating. I’ve thought of dating or hooking up with guys and then I read your posts. I’m like, “I don’t miss dating at all”. I miss getting dicked down, but I’ve acquired a substitute. I just turn it on and DONE! I don’t have to go through it’s phone, worry about him becoming jealous of my job, or wasting my time. When I think through it rationally I don’t see why I need man at all.

Also you know the craziest thing?

i used to work vanilla job around men who looked like male strippers and were quite attractive (I totally would have fucked them IF they made it worth my while and signed an NDA) and so I’d be horny almost everyday

i would engage in solo pleasures before work almost everyday to help me from being thirsty but you know what? I STILL felt thirsty and I think they could sense it.

Ironically the times I was solo and mostly satisfied was working clubs.

The male touch, men quickly giving money, not having to commit to them to improve my economic standing, and having power over them was quite satisfying

Glamourmilf
12-15-2019, 09:29 AM
I appreciate your posts. It’s validating. I’ve thought of dating or hooking up with guys and then I read your posts. I’m like, “I don’t miss dating at all”. I miss getting dicked down, but I’ve acquired a substitute. I just turn it on and DONE! I don’t have to go through it’s phone, worry about him becoming jealous of my job, or wasting my time. When I think through it rationally I don’t see why I need man at all.


Also you know the craziest thing?

i used to work vanilla job around men who looked like male strippers and were quite attractive (I totally would have fucked them IF they made it worth my while and signed an NDA) and so I’d be horny almost everyday

i would engage in solo pleasures before work almost everyday to help me from being thirsty but you know what? I STILL felt thirsty and I think they could sense it.

Ironically the times I was solo and mostly satisfied was working clubs.

The male touch, men quickly giving money, not having to commit to them to improve my economic standing, and having power over them was quite satisfying

Yes, and yes!
My "Hooker" ad has been up for only a few days, and already I see these dudes as a huge problem/ liability.
They are asking for 'real dates'. What??:O
Calling in the middle of the night. Never leaving messages, asking for half hour rates, last minute appointments, asking for incall, even though outcall only is spelled out in all caps.
Sending me photos of themselves, like they're on a dating site. Ugly.:beady::yuck:
You know, those serious close ups that make them look like a serial killer?
And remember that Mexican chef that works where one of my grief groups is held?
Saw him the other day. He came in for the Happy Holidays hug, and grabbed my ass.
I said, "Dude, give me your phone. I want to take a photo of that, and send it to your live-in girlfriend."
Fuck outta here with that bullshit!

lynn2009
12-15-2019, 07:57 PM
I think I hit a new low today. At dinner with the cat clinic people, one person says "what are you in town for? I know you didn't come up just for this," and laughed a little. I was like yes I did...I l like being up here, in this area and take any excuse to visit. That was awkward.

WendiStarr
12-16-2019, 09:35 AM
I wish I knew someone who had a farm. I'd have them deliver a truckload of horse shit on baby daddy's lawn.

Aurora_Sunset
12-16-2019, 09:40 AM
Work told me I didn't need to come in tonight if I don't want to, because of the snow we're supposed to get. I need the money, but am sorely tempted to take them up on that offer... I said I'd watch the weather and let them know a little later. If it gets legitimately bad, I'll tell them I'm not coming. But if it doesn't get as bad as the weather reports say, I'll go in.

carmen_b
12-16-2019, 10:46 AM
^ I'm pushing through with all $ related project hahaha.
I don't know. I know Christmas is a time to slow down but I just want to keep pushing and earning.

I'd say PUSH forward when others are resting and then take your break after the holidays but just my two cents.

Aurora_Sunset
12-16-2019, 02:51 PM
^^Yeah, I've been in major hustle mode this month while the rest of the world is trying to calm down for the holidays. I hate having to forgo all the fun holiday parties and festive stuff, but it's actually making me feel a little bit better about things to know that I'm racking up money. I'd rather try to relax in late January/February when the weather will be the worst and seasonal depression will probably hit hard.

However, it is snowing like crap right now, so I said I wasn't coming tonight. But I asked to stay later on my other days this week, so I can make up my hours.

miss.a.p1600
12-16-2019, 07:21 PM
I haven’t smoked weed but 1 time in 2 years.

I’d give anything to get high rn

Ifyouseekamy
12-16-2019, 07:31 PM
^^^ Lol...I don’t smoke either. But a guy said he had edibles from Denver at the club and I low key was hoping he’d give me some. He didn’t. I get drug tested anyways.

lurkingtitties
12-17-2019, 09:19 AM
Confession: I’m burnt out on CrossFit. I started training at a box in my town 1.5 years ago. It’s definitely a supportive environment, and I’ve gotten much fitter and stronger from my time there. But the last couple months I have just felt very meh about it. I need to twist my own arm to get in there 3 days/week. In fact I’m supposed to be there training right now but I’m blowing it off. The workouts just aren’t that fun anymore!

I’m headed to my hometown next week for a clinical rotation and I reached out to an aerial studio about taking classes. I think it will be a really good change of pace for me. Hopefully I’ll feel refreshed about CrossFit by the time I get back to my small town, because there’s not a lot of options here!

miss.a.p1600
12-17-2019, 09:32 AM
48 hour detox from “mental dickmatization”

I didn’t get a chance to tell him goodbye on Monday because he didn’t call

So....

If he calls tonight ..... I think I’m just going to ignore

And if he never calls then - I’m good! and it made my job that much easier

carmen_b
12-17-2019, 01:42 PM
M really took care of me hahahah

Of course I knew we would fuck after me not seeing him a couple days. What I didn't expect was him waking me up playing with my clit over my panties hahaha ( one of my fave moves ). Then more sex in morning.

I was so hot and bothered by him being so attentive that I went and hid in his house to jerk off while he was making work calls.
Lol.
It's a good Tuesday so far I'd say.
I have left the house to get some work done ( it's good for us because we distract each other lol ) .

I was so impressed with him I made him breakfast . Hashbrowns / eggs / cut up fruit. Plated it all nicely .
His plan to domesticate me seems to half way be working.

miss.a.p1600
12-17-2019, 02:01 PM
^nice! Morning sex is totally hot! Plus the teasing...

I should probably get some work done but I’m here on SW

Fml

Ifyouseekamy
12-17-2019, 07:23 PM
The young guy I was talking to asked if he could send me dick picks. I told him the only people who like dick pics are the guys that take them and the guys who receive them. Ha Ha. At least he asked before sending one.

Aurora_Sunset
12-18-2019, 10:38 AM
Today, I'm wearing a sweater that has a pocket pouch in the front. I stuck my phone in it, then put my winter jacket on. I then proceeded to forget where my phone was. Even with it on vibrate, I couldn't feel it ring through the layers. I was raging through the apartment, bitching about it because we were running late to go some stupid-early training that we didn't want to do... After almost 5 minutes, I remembered... My husband was in the bedroom looking for it, I was in the kitchen, so I pulled it out, yelled "found it!" and pretended like it had been in the kitchen...

NitaBaby
12-18-2019, 11:23 AM
I’m scared that this pre-admissions interview is going to end horribly. I haven’t done any job shadowing because none of the hospitals in my area seem to offer it outside of summer “internship” type deals. I don’t know any Sonographers so I can’t pick their brain for information about the job ; most of my findings are sparsely scattered on the internet or merely posted for entertainment purposes on YouTube. I know this is what I want to do, everything has led up to this point but I just wish I had some stand-out experience worth mentioning or some sort of volunteer work to brag about that shows them I know what I’m signing up for. I don’t want to sit in front of 3 professors and embarrass the shit out of myself with obvious lack of hands-on knowledge. What if they ask specific questions about echocardiography or quizz me about the SPI? I was told that most schools expect you to know a little something even though you haven’t even taken the class yet. My interview is tomorrow because I don’t want to wait until next month when they’ve already interviewed 35 other people and are growing jaded to certain responses. But, fuck, my interview is tomorrow.

carmen_b
12-18-2019, 11:31 AM
This is my overall problem in life.
I'm doing ok / living life where I am .............. recent posts show life improvement haha.
BUT ..... there is still this part of me that is like " If I'm not on a tropical island , I can not be happy " .
Christmas Eve is 6 days away . It makes zero sense to leave ( I didn't do that holiday with family for 5 years when I was in Hawaii ).

It is an issue that my other partner hated ( and I don't blame him ! ) . Only a year after moving to the mainland ( back to my home city) I was trying to create this fantasy life for us instead of embracing what we had ( living in Thailand or Bali for months haha ). I did it too as a test ( Thailand for two months ). It went well.

I mean ... it's cold where I am. I have a dude that fucks me GOOD though ( makes a difference ! ) and I can still put on boots or snowshoes and go clomp around and be outside.

There is just this part of me that KNOWS the best and most ideal life is tropical and low cost.
I get on that train of thought I then obsess .

miss.a.p1600
12-18-2019, 12:16 PM
Okay so how do you not get dickmatized though?

NitaBaby
12-18-2019, 12:20 PM
Okay so how do you not get dickmatized though?

by keeping an array of quality dick on hand. you can’t get bedazzled by something that is the norm.

miss.a.p1600
12-18-2019, 12:32 PM
^^^Niccce!!!

Gotta do this

Ifyouseekamy
12-18-2019, 09:44 PM
I’m scared that this pre-admissions interview is going to end horribly. I haven’t done any job shadowing because none of the hospitals in my area seem to offer it outside of summer “internship” type deals. I don’t know any Sonographers so I can’t pick their brain for information about the job ; most of my findings are sparsely scattered on the internet or merely posted for entertainment purposes on YouTube. I know this is what I want to do, everything has led up to this point but I just wish I had some stand-out experience worth mentioning or some sort of volunteer work to brag about that shows them I know what I’m signing up for. I don’t want to sit in front of 3 professors and embarrass the shit out of myself with obvious lack of hands-on knowledge. What if they ask specific questions about echocardiography or quizz me about the SPI? I was told that most schools expect you to know a little something even though you haven’t even taken the class yet. My interview is tomorrow because I don’t want to wait until next month when they’ve already interviewed 35 other people and are growing jaded to certain responses. But, fuck, my interview is tomorrow.

You should get a preceptor to show you the ropes?

Just visualize everything go exactly how to want it to. Ask, believe, and receive

NitaBaby
12-19-2019, 11:04 AM
You should get a preceptor to show you the ropes?

Just visualize everything go exactly how to want it to. Ask, believe, and receive


It went great :bouncey::boobies:

Literally nothing was going right at first. I was even 17 minutes late. I called them beforehand, letting them know that a road reconstruction was delaying me. I wanted to know if I could just reschedule but they still wanted to do the interview so we got started as soon as I walked in the door.

I’ve never had a better interview in my entire life. I had an answer for every question that kinda made me pause like, “damn mama, that was a good one”. They seemed genuinely happy with my responses and with the research that I’d done. They broke the program down and graduation expectations in such a way that it confirmed how hard the next two years are going to be if I am admitted. But, with my assurance that I was prepared to pretty much treat school like an 8 hour job, the interview was concluded and I have a great feeling that I’ll get a callback.

They let me know that they are required to interview a certain number of applicants before making a selection so I have to wait until the end of January for any news.

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 02:00 PM
So it’s been 4 days since I’ve talked to that new guy.

The weird thing is that i thought I’d be so fucked up about it (cause he was the only guy I was dating at that time and he did seduce me mentally and tried to physically. I probably would have been good too) but I’m actually relieved

I temporarily lost my rational thought dealing with him (I think he could sense it) and that’s never a good place to be.

I’m feeling actually proud of myself for escaping the mental dickmatization zone

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 03:35 PM
Ever since I realized the concept of 'benching' and how this guy tried to 'bench' me (yes i came to my senses and left that mf) it made me realize even more that I possibly inadvertently benched my guy 'friend' - I am surprised he still responds to my texts/calls/and goes out with me on occassion

NitaBaby
12-19-2019, 03:46 PM
Ever since I realized the concept of 'benching' and how this guy tried to 'bench' me (yes i came to my senses and left that mf) it made me realize even more that I possibly inadvertently benched my guy 'friend' - I am surprised he still responds to my texts/calls/and goes out with me on occassion


Alright, I'll ask. What is benching.

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 03:56 PM
benching is when dudes literally play dating like a game

so like pretend dating is basketball....they have a roster of at least 3 - 5 women who they actively see once per week then they put the other women on the 'bench' (using low investment efforts like texting n quick calls) so they can stay on the top of these womens mind/keep them around for later if their main players retire/get traded to another 'team'

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 04:05 PM
I needed to get documents from one of my clients but instead of just quickly calling him up and asking for it. I procrastinated and the company sent a letter asking for it so he called me.

He was super nice about it. and was like if you ever need any documents just ask

It's a relief to have clients like this who make my job easier and I don't have to chase them down to get stuff done.

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 09:12 PM
I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind with the games I think this new guy was trying to play.

Ladies take it from me. Never date just one guy at a time.

Lesson learned the HARD way

Thank goodness I have a backup we are meeting up next weekend and I know he will be better for me emotionally

miss.a.p1600
12-21-2019, 09:01 AM
I’m sorry and this may be TMI

Sooo

I woke up this morning.....pussy wet

Wtf?!?

I don’t recall any sexy dreams; maybe I am THAT thirsty for pleasure

yaya_cash
12-22-2019, 08:58 AM
So tired. I have done a lot of investing and research in this business (Apparently not enough. The more I invest the more expensive this becomes and better.), and I haven't gained a sale, yet. I have just received time-wasters.

MissTay
12-22-2019, 07:06 PM
Hooked up with a new guy last night. First thing he says when he took my panties off "oh wow you got a fat pussy". Never had anybody talk about my pussy like that before. When I asked is that a good thing. He started making no sense of his words. Maybe just from being drunk idk.

charlie61
12-22-2019, 09:47 PM
I'm seriously considering going back to using my Hitachi. I weaned myself off of it to see if it would affect how i perceive sex (I'm asexual, but i have sex frequently with my high-libido, heterosexual partner).

I do think it had some positive effects. I can feel more pleasurable sensations during sex. However, aside from one anomaly (where we had sex like five times in a row plus oral, and i had an orgasm), I'm not coming during sex. Which is fine... it's not a big priority for me, since I'm much more comfortable with partnered sex being focused on the other person.

Idk...i just don't feel like i've gained anything. For months, i've only been letting myself masturbate with my hand and with a small, much lower-powered vibe. I come every time, but the orgasms just don't compare to what the Hitachi gives me. Hitachi orgasms are just out of this world. Like I'd get 3-5 amazing orgasms with no effort, and sometimes i can have these continuous orgasms that last for multiple minutes (i eventually stop because it's so physically exhausting).

But i know if i start using Hitachi again, I'll lose those subtle pleasurable feelings i sometimes get during partnered sex, which help me feel more positive about having frequent sex.

Tl;dr - i worked hard to wean myself off of my jet-engine vibe, but i really don't know if it was worth it.

carmen_b
12-22-2019, 10:24 PM
A compliment I think.

Side note : I have this one photo of my pussy where it looks particularly fat haha.
Hooked up with a new guy last night. First thing he says when he took my panties off "oh wow you got a fat pussy". Never had anybody talk about my pussy like that before. When I asked is that a good thing. He started making no sense of his words. Maybe just from being drunk idk.

carmen_b
12-22-2019, 10:25 PM
Charlie : I've done that too. Weaned down basically to lower power or hand. I do think it helps with a lover personally.

It's hard to give up that power though.

WendiStarr
12-23-2019, 11:38 AM
I had planned on getting all my laundry done for the week today but I still haven't done it. I keep finding my way back to the bed.

lynn2009
12-23-2019, 04:47 PM
I am still not speaking with my family, so I got my own Christmas tree this year and some presents for me and my puppy, wrapped them & put them under the tree for us to open on Wednesday. Is that pathetic? Actually I know it is but I don't care. I feel so upset right now, and not because I don't have anything to do for Christmas but because time feels like it passes by so slowly, and I never make any progress. At my cat clinic dinner one of the new people asked how long it's been since I was there, and I was like it's been almost 3 years now. I can't believe it's been so long, and I haven't done anything meaningful in that time. Here I am 3 years later and I haven't made any new friends, gone on a single date or gotten involved in anything wise locally. All I've wanted this whole time is my old life back, even with Derek. All I can think about is buying a dumb 2 bedroom house built 60 years ago but that is not going to happen anytime soon cause in the last 10 days I've received 3 rejections for jobs I felt pretty good about.

carmen_b
12-23-2019, 05:03 PM
All I want to do is eat and fuck.

Luckily work is slow , haha.

I have been hiding from M all day. He is in full steam project mode .
There were four people working at the house . I took his car and went to my old neighboorhood to do a steam session, massage, olive garden, and the coffee shop.

I'm a model hedonist. No one does it better. ;)

carmen_b
12-23-2019, 05:04 PM
You'll get there. You will GET the house for you and your pups. ;)


I am still not speaking with my family, so I got my own Christmas tree this year and some presents for me and my puppy, wrapped them & put them under the tree for us to open on Wednesday. Is that pathetic? Actually I know it is but I don't care. I feel so upset right now, and not because I don't have anything to do for Christmas but because time feels like it passes by so slowly, and I never make any progress. At my cat clinic dinner one of the new people asked how long it's been since I was there, and I was like it's been almost 3 years now. I can't believe it's been so long, and I haven't done anything meaningful in that time. Here I am 3 years later and I haven't made any new friends, gone on a single date or gotten involved in anything wise locally. All I've wanted this whole time is my old life back, even with Derek. All I can think about is buying a dumb 2 bedroom house built 60 years ago but that is not going to happen anytime soon cause in the last 10 days I've received 3 rejections for jobs I felt pretty good about.

miss.a.p1600
12-23-2019, 06:25 PM
I miss the positives about all the guys I’ve dated recently.

If I could combine their good traits into one guy I’d have the perfect man

seashell
12-24-2019, 12:30 AM
I saw my dad for the first time in a year and a half, and apparently he's getting married in February. I'll legally have a new mother? How does this work? Lol

I'm super overwhelmed today. Traveling between countries, catching up with everyone... It's a lot. I just want to be back in my apartment, with my hot lover boy, and my dogs. I need space.

NitaBaby
12-24-2019, 06:29 AM
I saw my dad for the first time in a year and a half, and apparently he's getting married in February. I'll legally have a new mother?

Nah, you will legally have a new family member. That's about it. My mom has been married twice and none of those men are even my father so switching up who I call "dad" would be confusing and unwarranted lol. That's just your dad's wife.

NitaBaby
12-24-2019, 07:00 AM
I have a bad habit of stepping on the scale every day now. It's addicting to watch the numbers go down but some days there is no difference. and my brain registers the "failure", emotionally.

I actually considered making myself throw up yesterday. I've never done anything like that before and have no idea where the thought even came from. Zero eating disorders in my past so wtf. But it took a few minutes to dismiss it.

It has been dismissed. but this just let's me know that I need to chill out. It's only been a month since I went back to being a vegan - and it took 6 months for me to lose the extra weight the first time. (again, why did i go back to eating like trash????). How I'm approaching this is already unhealthy and I need to just take a step back and enjoy my little meatless meals like I used to.

miss.a.p1600
12-24-2019, 07:25 AM
Lust and seduction are a powerful thing especially when you haven’t had those experiences in a while

WendiStarr
12-24-2019, 08:38 AM
My brother just invited my daughter and I to his holiday get together. Quite honestly I don't have much interest in being in a house with 90 people (he said he invited 90 of our relatives and his wife's). I can't stand his wife at all. She's also pregnant and has become even more difficult to get along with now. BD took the truck and is on the other side of the state and my piece of shit is broken down so no car. My brother said that he can pick us up and he'll see if anyone is willing to take us back home afterwards. It's a 40 minute ride. I'm hoping no one will be willing to give us a ride home(as is the case 99% of the time) so I can say, "Sorry, we can't come because we won't have a ride home." We have plans at home to bake cookies and watch Christmas movies anyways and I don't feel like paying $50 in Uber fare.