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WendiStarr
04-19-2020, 11:28 AM
I'm really not liking my job today. It has been mostly people looking to get free shit. I feel the strong urge to quit but I could use the extra cash. I'll stay at this annoying vanilla job until they fire me.

Elektra Luxx
04-19-2020, 03:06 PM
I have an appointment with my cancer doctor on Tuesday. What if the cancer has come back? I'm feeling a little anxious. That's not true, I'm feeling a lot anxious.

lurkingtitties
04-19-2020, 04:04 PM
Sorry honey I know how that goes, I’m dreading my next Pap test in a couple months! Let us know how it goes.

Aurora_Sunset
04-20-2020, 09:35 AM
Hubby has been home for a little over a week now, took a week off work, and was supposed to go back today. But he called in last night and told them he was taking a couple extra days, so now he doesn't go back until Friday. I feel bad saying it, but I was ready for him to go back today. I enjoyed the week of just hanging out, watching TV, and playing video games, and we drank and ate out all weekend to celebrate my 75-day challenge being completed - but I'm, like... done now, ya know? I was going to use today to get back on track of being productive, eating healthy, figuring out a new workout to start, maybe apply for some jobs, because the part-time gig is being a shit again. I mean, I could still do all those things, but it's difficult when he's just lounging around and wants me to hang out and do nothing with him.

carmen_b
04-22-2020, 10:30 PM
Oh ... he knows.
You'll probably never get an admission that is was predatory out of him. ;/
Talked to a male friend about when we first got in contact, I was 19 and he was 36 I think. About what he thought of the age difference etc, we got into some kind of sexual relationship pretty fast so it was never exactly an innocent friendship. Something I've thought about from time to time through the years but never brought up until now. He replies that he thought about it at the time in a sexual way as a positive and exciting thing but that he didn't really think about it otherwise as he thought of us from the start as "on equal terms" and that because it was equal in a sense it was "ageless".
There's something about this that bothers me. I mean it's convenient for him to see it this way but I'm not so sure I buy into that he really perceived us as equal and on equal terms. Apart from the age difference I was feeling pretty alone and kind of depressed back then, he knew I didn't have a lot of friends (no one I spent time with really) and that I had some trouble fitting into society, he on the other hand was a regular 36 year old with a regular job and kids as far as I remember, or if he got them slightly later I'm not 100% sure. Regardless of what he perceived us as we clearly were not equal in reality. That just doesn't make sense. It bothers me that he didn't admit this or maybe didn't even think about it at all. But my confession is I didn't really confront him with my own opinions on this, I think I gave a pretty neutral reply to what he said (and I'm not sure he understood what I meant with it, I'm not so sure myself what I meant by what I said tbh) because I just didn't know what to say. I expected to be able to have a more real and honest conversation. Now I don't think I can ever bring it up again or it's going to sound like an accusation of some kind even if I don't mean it like that.

carmen_b
04-22-2020, 10:30 PM
How's his $$ , living, and car situation ? Lol. Gotta get the details.
My vote on this is a solid yes.


My roomie's dad is seriously hot.
He's tanned, in great shape & looks younger than his age.

carmen_b
04-22-2020, 10:37 PM
^ Aw, why did you even tell us about him ? hahahaha
I take it back. No messing around with Mr. Married unless it's approved by the wife lol .
You can't rack up that kind of bad karma lol.

moneybags
04-22-2020, 11:08 PM
I have an appointment with my cancer doctor on Tuesday. What if the cancer has come back? I'm feeling a little anxious. That's not true, I'm feeling a lot anxious.

Hope everything is okay.

I’ve been sober a really long time. Which when I drink the worst thing that happens is I binge drink and text an ex. It’s not healthy, but I’m not like an alcoholic that is an asshole or does really destructive things. Still I’m reminded why I don’t drink. I got drunk and texted an guy. OMG. Haven’t heard anything back from him, so I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen. Back in my heavy drinking days my friend said I need a breathalyzer on my phone. Oh well.

NitaBaby
04-23-2020, 07:20 AM
I don't do well with relationship problems. We haven't had so much as a disagreement in over a year but the first argument (albeit a big one to me) and I'm already over the whole thing. Like, I'm here and present and he's still my boyfriend and he's the love of my life but ..... I wouldn't be feeling like this if I were single. I just don't do....problems. I don't do "agreeing to disagree".

I don't know.

whirlerz
04-23-2020, 10:14 AM
So hot roomie upstairs assembled my little grocery cart, I thanked him & got him some small lunch meat packets/bread, he goes," I'll assemble your cart anytime, honey":P:faint::hyper:

carmen_b
04-23-2020, 02:15 PM
See... that's the thing. When one party is *much more* either emotionally off or financially off there IS an exploitation element.
He knows it . You know it.

Oh .... and I totally get that with the club. I DO enjoy the dress up , music, body movement. Lets just be straight though. This is HARD work. It's WEIRD hours too. Who wants to work in the evening ? Barf . Yes,
I enjoy these things but if the $ isn't good , there are other ways to enjoy these things at more reasonable hours .


It's not even that I want him to admit it was predatory since after all it was consensual so I'm not sure it was, I just don't want him to try to sell me this bullshit ideal scenario that completely dismisses the fact that I had problems back then. I wanted him to be more real. But it's possible he doesn't want to be because he realised that it could've been predatory of him and that got him all scared.

I have another confession on the subject ideal world vs reality:

Whenever I heard dancers talk about empowerment and self expression as if the club is some kind of retreat where you go to find yourself I just wanted to slap them with my money.
And I say that as someone who partly misses the experience of dancing (I think I'll go back to it at least one more time if the clubs are still there after this crisis is over), not only the money, but you know... let's keep our feet on the ground and stick to the reality of things.

carmen_b
04-23-2020, 02:16 PM
Nita: What's the argument over ?

What's a possible 50% " middle ground " ?

NitaBaby
04-24-2020, 05:39 AM
Nita: What's the argument over ?

What's a possible 50% " middle ground " ?


It would be really hard to explain the problem because it would take 12 paragraphs and I'm just not in the mood for that lol. There's no cheating or abuse or drug problems or anything like that going on - those are deal breakers anyway. No secrecy or issues with our exes or any other crazy, disrespectful shit like that.

But every time I see him, we talk about it. And it had gotten to a point where I felt like we weren't reaching the resolution that I wanted. It's one of those things were there is no 50/50 solution. it's 100/0.

Anyway, we talked about it again yesterday and things were honestly looking even worse when he finally broke down and explained his side of things in a way I wish he'd explained it before. Honestly, everything clicked after that. And I understood where he is coming from so much so that I'm actually seeing the logic of his point more than I see my own. I truly didn't expect that type of turn around. ME apologizing. Wild.

I actually came back to this thread to 'confess' that I'd been proven wrong about something (at least to the degree that I couldn't help but agree I was wrong) for the first time in a very long while. This glaring issue that I thought our relationship had, we don't have it anymore. And I'm glad the topic has finally been laid to rest. I really, really hate relationship problems.

carmen_b
04-24-2020, 12:06 PM
^ It kind of reminds me of the ultimate fight that started the end of my 7 year relationship.
I wanted the expat life ( even to try it just 3-6 months ) . He wanted to stay in the USA.
So .... there wasn't really a " middle " because the middle was also an extreme compromise since traveling alone and being celibate was also not what I wanted.

carmen_b
04-24-2020, 12:10 PM
I'm in UTI land this week and went over to J's for " company and cuddles " .

Of course, I'm sure we can all guess how that turned out ( and I was the instigator, he was innocent ).
So I really hope I didn't completely ruin the healing of this damn thing.

This dude ...... damn. I just can't get enough. We watched knives out in a deep cuddle and he is always so touchy it just makes me melt. I swear he touched 95% of my body during that movie avoiding only the pieces which might " get us in trouble " which of course turned me on a ton. I couldn't drink but had a sip of his old fashioned that he made and he gave me the cherries out of it.

Upstairs I pretty much demanded to get licked and fucked ....... so if I get sick again it's completely on me. I will think positive.

Elektra Luxx
04-24-2020, 01:58 PM
I have an appointment with my cancer doctor on Tuesday. What if the cancer has come back? I'm feeling a little anxious. That's not true, I'm feeling a lot anxious.

Still all clear...well mostly. There's one tiny spot that doesn't look exactly right, but the doctor said it could just be scarring and not to really worry about it. So my treatments are now every six months instead of every 3 months. But the doctor still needs to monitor my progress every three months. Overall, it's good news. So I'll be around at least another three to six months. Sorry.

SnuffleUffleGrass
04-24-2020, 02:04 PM
Weird confession time- I accidentally found the obit of a guy I knew casually about 20 years ago (not a Covid 19 death, this guy had lung issues from smoking heavily for years.)

I didn't realize he was such a cool guy. He sailed a lot at a lake close to where I grew up and was from a family of hippies. I'm glad I was nice to him.

I confess I'm glad I took a break today to surf the Internet and check up on some people and happenings from back home. Time really does fly.

lynn2009
04-24-2020, 06:57 PM
Overall, it's good news. So I'll be around at least another three to six months. Sorry.

Don't joke like that. Everyone loves you.

whirlerz
04-24-2020, 07:15 PM
I have an appointment with my cancer doctor on Tuesday. What if the cancer has come back? I'm feeling a little anxious. That's not true, I'm feeling a lot anxious.

Hugs, hope all's well

whirlerz
04-25-2020, 06:25 AM
So.

I feel GREAT rn..;D

My little box of baking soda's gone from the fridge, I'd just bought it yesterday, cause of course fridge fucking stinks.

Mr (not so) wonderful threw it out, I know it.
So, I rounded up all his beer, it's now in my private bathroom.

I left a note, & said if I don't get an answer about it, beer's going in dumpster!}:D

There was stew liquid in the microwave:yuck: which I cleaned up, put a large note (in black marker) to keep it clean or it's gone!

I took all baby's (Mr Wonderful) baseball cards etc, & put them in a box on the kitchen table where they're always strewn about.

This's so NOT a fucking frat house here.
Thank you.

moneybags
04-25-2020, 11:06 PM
I’m so horny I’m gonna start humping my bed. Just kidding, but kinda not this quarantine is starting to make weak for some dick. I’m grateful no one in my building is flirting with me or I’d probably cave at this point. Men are lame. Seriously if a guy just sent me some flowers instead of a pic dick I’d be an easy lay. I have too much pride though to hook up
for free or with minimal effort. I know I’m hard to get, but I’m worth it. Guys don’t even try, so frustrating!

carmen_b
04-25-2020, 11:21 PM
^ It's such a weird thing ( modern dating ) and so gross how men don't try !

It's SO easy too ( planning dates / following up ).

I think that is why I sometimes go for younger guys haha. Like ...... if I'm going to have to do the leg work , I deserve someone super purdy. Haha.

I am impressed with my current partner. I remember him making us such good drinks ( these damn things had like 5 mixers / measurements ) and bringing this food when I first met him. I met him just as states were advising to start being careful. He tries as well as he can in these times I guess . He brought more good food today. :)

moneybags
04-25-2020, 11:59 PM
^^^ There's no excuse not to woo a woman. If a guy really wants something, he'll make it happen.

Guy asks out girl with drone https://www.boredpanda.com/american-meets-girl-quarantine-drone-jeremy-cohen/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

I'm done complaining. Just gonna keep being a bad ass independent woman that does everything herself. I actually think I'm a diamond in the rough, but lame ass dudes give me no other good options except to roll solo.

carmen_b
04-26-2020, 12:28 AM
^ I saw that vid flying the drone over to her ! SO cute !!!

SnuffleUffleGrass
04-26-2020, 06:20 AM
Funny confession time-


Boyfriend and I were watching a Travel Channel Tv show about haunted places and I intended it to be a fun hour of entertaining TV.

I accidentally traumatized him because one of the stories featured reminded him of a residential hospital facility in east metro Portland Oregon- he had a girlfriend who worked there and he swore up and down the hospital was "creepy" (most likely haunted since he has a sensitivity to those things like I do.)

I had to remark all the urban legends of hauntings I've heard of in Portland Oregon are quirky as f*ck. I think part of it is "haunted place tourism" and just the storied history of the city.

I didn't mean to freak him out but I did. Ooops.

carmen_b
04-26-2020, 01:53 PM
Beware of telling your dude you are open to hear of any fantasy or fetish they might want haha !

He expressed an interest in butt stuff a couple days ago. I've got to say ...... um ....... don't love the idea of anything going into my butt or his. However, I will remain someone open to discussion. He only wanted to play with mine which seems unfair as well and unbalanced. If we bring butt holes in, both will be " in play ". Lol

whirlerz
04-26-2020, 05:47 PM
I had a big bunch of drama yesterday, w/2 of the roomies..

All bc they're PIGS! Fine, I'm really done, Im avoiding them like the plague..the one knocked on my door, texted me, & just now asked me to sit at the daily/nightly fire.
NO! Anyway, BFD, since I have a gas fireplace in my room.

They were verbally abusive, my eyes were swollen from crying, + I have ptsd. Really don't need this shit. At all.
They can fuck right off, I'm going to keep avoiding, I'll just eat sandwiches & takeout.

Also, I did buy the one a cheap WM coffee maker, he got another large one so I took mine back! I can still return it too, the last one didn't even last a year.

If that makes me petty, so be it.

wish
04-26-2020, 05:53 PM
It's normal to get those kinds of thoughts about the ones you really love. I get them all the time. We don't know what, when or if something bad will happen, but we just do our best to look out for the ones we love. I know you do that because you're a great mommy.

This is old but read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. There's a full chapter on intrusive thoughts.

carmen_b
04-26-2020, 06:02 PM
^ Whirl , I would get a little fridge for your room and take back all things you put in the kitchen.
Give yourself a little distance as a break. A lot of your posts are drama with these people so it seems like some distance would be good. You can fib a little and pretend you are working more ect. and just have less overall time to hang ( like none for example ).

Do you have your own bath or is it shared ? You can just shower quick if it's shared.

Maybe it's time to look for a different place. It seems like there is a bit of a frat house vibe there.

lynn2009
04-26-2020, 06:03 PM
This is old but read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. There's a full chapter on intrusive thoughts.

Thank you. I'll check it out.

carmen_b
04-26-2020, 06:06 PM
Thank god the UTI seems to be gone ( knock on wood ). I was in such bad pain Mon - Wed. but just took the risk and tried to go for self healing instead of anti-biotic due to them making me sick as hell + increased risk of Covid even going to a clinic.

Pain free Fri - today ( Sun ) so I am assuming that sucker is gone . This is my 2nd sex injury in the last 30 days. ;/

Aurora_Sunset
04-27-2020, 08:29 AM
Hiding out in the bedroom just a little bit longer, pretending to "sleep." The kids came over super early today, because hubby wanted them overnight, but they have online school in the morning that their mother insists they do from her house. So he wanted them as long as possible. I understand - he hasn't been able to see them for a month. I'm just not really in the mood for little kid energy all day after working early-ass hours all weekend. Also, I know he's disappointed they can't spend the night and stay most of tomorrow, but I'm secretly glad for it - tomorrow is our anniversary. It'll be nice to just have the day to ourselves.

lynn2009
04-28-2020, 03:59 PM
I flat out hate my dog lately and barely want to keep him sometimes.

Prettyglitter
04-29-2020, 05:47 AM
Up late treading old posts from when I first started until my last day ever dancing. Wow, what a journey. What an honor to have so much diverse experiences to pull from and to relate to so many others. In this moment I must show myself more compassion for doing the things that I felt that I had to do to survive because at the time, I only knew what I knew and felt how I felt. In these moments I just want to hug my younger self. Dancing has helped my life in so many ways and although most days I feel shame, other days I feel grateful and nostalgic.

Elektra Luxx
04-29-2020, 07:52 AM
I must be feeling good and healthy because I'm "ants in my pants", "thighs rubbing together", "can't sit still" HORNY!

Bf is going have to take an early lunch break because I'm about to climb the walls!

carmen_b
04-29-2020, 08:58 AM
Aw !! ^
Love it that he will sneak off to take care of you!!

Elektra Luxx
04-29-2020, 09:22 AM
I must be feeling good and healthy because I'm "ants in my pants", "thighs rubbing together", "can't sit still" HORNY!

Bf is going have to take an early lunch break because I'm about to climb the walls!


Aw !! ^
Love it that he will sneak off to take care of you!!

Done. I climb on him and we had dirty, depraved monkey sex! ...while his work phone was ringing too! Well it rang once.

WendiStarr
04-29-2020, 03:36 PM
I didn't want to get a bad rating so I passed a customer off to someone else. He was transferred over to me from another csa who didn't want to deal with him. He ordered a non-essential item yesterday and wanted to know why it hasn't been delivered yet today, when he has Amazon Prime membership. No amount of explaining that non-essential items are delayed, regardless of Prime membership status, worked. He yelled the entire twenty minutes that he was on the phone. I ended up transferring his obnoxious ass to someone else because I knew if he ended the call while I was talking to him, he'd give me a bad rating. I hate Amazon's rating system because if your rating gets too low, you can get fired and there are a lot of angry people lately. I transferred some other asshole who contacted via chat and was a concession abuser. Concession abusers always leave bad ratings if you don't give in and give them free shit.

chanzep
04-29-2020, 07:44 PM
Whirlez sorry to hear your roommates upset you. I think you should distance from them just say hello and that's it. Wear headphones when you go into kitchen and pretend to be on phone and put your phone in airplane mode. They seem like leeches anyway expecting fAvours all the time. Just do you and if they ask anything your busy. I had my worst drama in life with roommates years ago. The ones I actually liked we just said hello and that's it.

whirlerz
04-29-2020, 08:39 PM
Aw, you're always So Sweet, chanz, love & miss you.
How you been.

In a month or so, (hopefully when things start to straighten out) me & my friend are considering moving, tired of this state too.

God bless all the people affected by this, be well!

whirlerz
04-29-2020, 08:46 PM
^ Whirl , I would get a little fridge for your room and take back all things you put in the kitchen.
Give yourself a little distance as a break. A lot of your posts are drama with these people so it seems like some distance would be good. You can fib a little and pretend you are working more ect. and just have less overall time to hang ( like none for example ).

Do you have your own bath or is it shared ? You can just shower quick if it's shared.

Maybe it's time to look for a different place. It seems like there is a bit of a frat house vibe there.

Thanks so much Babe!

Yes, TG I have : my own bath, priv entrance, & fridge.
I do use kitchen fridge for some larger things, but if I need something, I can get it out late night when no one is around.

Definitely a frat house vibe, especially w/the newest dude.

carmen_b
04-29-2020, 09:30 PM
I think it's weird J didn't invite me tomorrow.
He knows I'm kicked out of the house sit ( just for one night ).
I know he has his daughter but I could have just arrived late after 9, left 6:30 am.

Eh, even typing that sounds stupid .
I'll get D ( former sd ) to get me a hotel haha.
Otherwise I'm rolling around all day with no strong AC, no coffee houses open yet, no co working spaces open I don't think.

carmen_b
04-29-2020, 09:50 PM
^ Im at the Hyatt.

Thanks D!!!

I will say I’m a little irritated with J though.
After he disappointed me in Vegas by getting too drunk to fuck , I think he should have really kicked into gear and made my life easy this week. I need to let that go I guess ( first time he ever has not offered me sex when I wanted in 5 weeks ).

Aurora_Sunset
05-01-2020, 04:39 PM
Currently sitting in the Walmart parking lot, killing time before I go home. I only needed a few things but it’s realistic that this Walmart always takes forever to get through. I just want to be out of the house today... I already took an extra long walk but it didn’t feel like enough. Idk, maybe I’m so introverted that it took awhile for the cooped-up feeling from social distancing to catch up with me. Maybe it’s the nice weather. Maybe it’s the fact that when I look back in my memories, this is always a time of year that I’m on a trip/vacation of some sort after winter clears up. I just want to be anywhere but sitting in my living room. Even if it’s just sitting in the parking lot, down the road lol

Aurora_Sunset
05-01-2020, 04:57 PM
I’m trying to get back on the wagon of healthy eating and exercise the last few days after a couple weeks off. The exercise has been great, but my diet has been crap. I don’t get it... I went almost 3 months of healthy eating, and now I can’t even go 3 days even though I allowed myself to binge for 2 weeks. Ugh..

Violethollywood
05-01-2020, 07:00 PM
Done. I climb on him and we had dirty, depraved monkey sex! ...while his work phone was ringing too! Well it rang once.
Omg i wish i had that problem. I have zero sex drive. I think it's bc of my work plus my birth control. I have to have bc otherwise I'll get pregnant bc my husband won't do condoms. I literally hate having sex bc im never in the mood. So annoying

Violethollywood
05-01-2020, 07:03 PM
My bpm was insanely high today at 121.usually my resting bpm is 70-80 . .the past month ive had intense anxiety. Ive woken up twice this week unable to breathe like sleep apnea. Happens when im stressed. I didnt think i was that stressed but i guess i am��♀️

Like the collective stress of the world is wearing on me idk but it's annoying

BarbieNYC
05-02-2020, 06:12 AM
Hey all. It's been a while.

I really miss dancing.

I haven't danced since summer 2018 and it truly is heartbreaking to know I'm not going back. I didn't even have a last shift to remember. School just got really crazy and I never went back. :(

I've been tempted to pick up a shift after this pandemic is over, but I don't even know how the clubs work in California anymore with making dancers employees.

I missed this site. It's so nice reading through some of the threads and seeing familiar names

carmen_b
05-02-2020, 03:06 PM
Is sex last Tues then last night really enough ?
For a week ?
I don’t think so.
I assumed we would be on a three day sex binge ( last time he had a three day weekend that’s what we did ).

On one hand I know he’s got stuff to do and I didn’t want to press to stay.
I just feel sad right now about not having the weekend I thought I was getting.
This is news that is fresh only 3 hours. He didn't say I could stay all weekend.
I honestly just assumed. ;/
Now I checked into a cheap motel because the guests at my house sit stayed another day.

carmen_b
05-02-2020, 03:24 PM
You might need to switch it or maybe the IUD with low hormones.
I'm actually considering getting BC and just leaving the pack visible to J. I kind of don't want to deal with condoms and ran away from my IUD appt. like a baby.


Omg i wish i had that problem. I have zero sex drive. I think it's bc of my work plus my birth control. I have to have bc otherwise I'll get pregnant bc my husband won't do condoms. I literally hate having sex bc im never in the mood. So annoying