View Full Version : Confessions Thread!
Aurora_Sunset
05-03-2020, 07:00 AM
I feel really emotionally burnt-out on other people. I don't know how to describe it, other than a similar "numb" feeling you get when you're depressed. That "nothing brings me joy anymore" feeling, except specifically applied to other people. I'm not particularly depressed in my everyday life, and still find a lot of things that get me excited and have been crushing certain goals. But anything involving others, I just find myself not giving a shit. I don't care about their feelings, I don't want to listen to them, I get so mentally exhausted at even the idea of participating in a Zoom call where I have to pretend to be interested in anything anyone is saying. I've spent my whole life being a kind of "bleeding heart" helper, so my complete lack of interest in connecting to or helping others is weird and a little scary.
I mean, I'm not a psychopath. I still do as much as I have to in order to fulfill social or professional expectations. I feel a certain sense of guilt when I'm not engaging 100% genuinely, but at the same time, don't have the capacity to truly change it. What's even weirder is that I had one day a few days ago where the social distancing was really getting to me, and I spent all day thinking about all the friends I missed and wanted to see/visit again. But now I'm back to people exhausting me.
I wonder if it's a reaction to not being around people lately (like how you get more depressed when you stay inside away from the sun, even though the depression is the reason you stay inside in the first place, and it's a vicious cycle?), or if it's a reaction to spending so long feeling like I take care of everyone and I finally broke mentally. If it's the first, more people would make it better. But if it's the second, what I need is true solitude for awhile. Complete opposites, so I don't know what to do... But true solitude (like a week away from everyone and all responsibilities) would literally be impossible to achieve, so I guess it's not as though I can do that anyway.
I just want to know what's going on with me, and to fix it, because while individual goals are fine, I do realize that my longer-term goals in life (family, work, starting a business) can only be achieved if I'm at least partially driven by the desire to connect, help, and care for others.
SnuffleUffleGrass
05-03-2020, 07:02 AM
Hey all. It's been a while.
I really miss dancing.
I haven't danced since summer 2018 and it truly is heartbreaking to know I'm not going back. I didn't even have a last shift to remember. School just got really crazy and I never went back. :(
I've been tempted to pick up a shift after this pandemic is over, but I don't even know how the clubs work in California anymore with making dancers employees.
I missed this site. It's so nice reading through some of the threads and seeing familiar names
Good to see you!
I confess I am going to go wax and polish my car today, as I have so much spare time to do so. lolllll
charlie61
05-03-2020, 09:46 AM
Aurora - sounds like compassion fatigue. ♡
WendiStarr
05-09-2020, 01:33 PM
I didn't feel like cooking anything for lunch so I hit up a Wendy's drive-through and got chicken nuggets and chili.
moneybags
05-10-2020, 04:10 AM
I didn't feel like cooking anything for lunch so I hit up a Wendy's drive-through and got chicken nuggets and chili.
Chili sounds so comforting.
I was camming with my lingerie, pantyhose, and shoes on. The store was about to close and I didn’t have time to change. I put on a business like dress over my camming outfit so I could get to the store before it closed. I looked like one classy ass hoe (happiness over everything).
moneybags
05-12-2020, 04:20 AM
I think I accidentally shop lifted. I think I was just so focused on getting the fuck out I wasn’t paying attention at the self checkout.
WendiStarr
05-12-2020, 06:50 AM
I automatically cringe whenever I see the name Karen when dealing with customers.
lurkingtitties
05-12-2020, 01:30 PM
I think I accidentally shop lifted. I think I was just so focused on getting the fuck out I wasn’t paying attention at the self checkout.
I’ve done that before. The shopping carts at my store have a little shelf under the handle of the cart. Sometimes I put stuff there and forget to ring it up at self checkout.
Elle:)
05-12-2020, 08:52 PM
I am sick of eating healthy.
moneybags
05-15-2020, 01:43 AM
Fighting the urge to tell random women-okay not random-but like hot girls-they need not worry about the recession. They shouldn’t ever worry they can just use pussy as currency.
carmen_b
05-15-2020, 09:05 PM
The man I'm seeing is 4 years younger than me. Sometimes I'm self conscious about it.
moneybags
05-15-2020, 10:24 PM
The man I'm seeing is 4 years younger than me. Sometimes I'm self conscious about it.
If I ever date again he’s gonna be a lot younger than me, or why bother with men. Good job girl.
carmen_b
05-16-2020, 06:53 AM
^^ He’s exactly what I want haha.
A horny Tesla driving super nerd.
It seemed like all my 2019 posts here were about not getting enough sex.
He’s fixing it.
I went 8 years younger with my fall “ M “ thinking I’d constantly get the D and was just disappointed . So results vary. :)
somechick99
05-16-2020, 07:31 AM
So much to confess lol...
Confession #1: I haven't danced since last summer and I miss it, but I have serious built up anger issues and trauma from shitty customers in the past. I know all it would take is one asshole pushing my boundaries or saying something rude and I would go off on them and for this reason I'm not sure I'll ever dance again. I still love this forum though and my dancing days were some of the most free, fun times of my life. But especially now with COVID-19, once things reopen returning may not even be worth it for quite some time.
Confession #2: I'm feeling super self-conscious and unattractive lately. I logically know that I am not, but I have body dysmorphia and there is always something new to fix. On top of that I recently got ghosted by one guy and flaked on by another who put in no effort to reschedule. In all seriousness this is kind of a pattern for me with guys. I haven no idea why because I'm not overbearing or clingy in any way, but I still make it clear I'm interested. It's exhausting and aggravating, and I don't know if it's me or men just aren't really interested in dating anymore with the unlimited tinder swipes and free porn they have access to.
Confession #3: My close friend got engaged last year before COVID-19 hit and originally they were planning to get married in August. After the virus hit, rather than moving the date out or waiting before making plans like normal people, she moved the wedding date UP to July. I'm traveling across the US for it and while I'm going to go because she has honestly been there for me many times, I'm so irritated she's making everyone plan around the stress of the virus on top of unemployment and other things for her fucking wedding. I think she just wanted something to do so she decided to make the wedding sooner out of pure boredom and selfishness. The guy is a total dickhead also, so there's that. Not really stoked on dropping $1000 or more on a trip across the US for a wedding while still recovering from the financial stress of this whole pandemic.
Confession #4: My mom is a recovered alcoholic of 5 years and recently started going out with a guy who has serious mood swing issues and a major drinking problem himself. He has proven to be crazy and unstable time and time again and even sent her links to angry metal music when he was pissed off a few times - something an emo 14 year old boy would do. She has still kept making excuses for him and is going out with him and I find it really disappointing and bizarre.
I love this thread.
carmen_b
05-16-2020, 08:59 AM
^ Omg , so much here to come back to.
#1 : Totally relate to frustration and male lack of effort. Wtf ? Society has told us for generations to just be pretty and weight proportionate and not crazy AF and then are good. Only to find ...... um ...... not so much. Lol. I have phases where I could strangle certain men out of their lack of effort.
point #2 : Making people travel for a wedding ? wtf ?
Aurora_Sunset
05-16-2020, 05:09 PM
It's crazy how physically draining the new vanilla jobs is. I mean, I knew that working in a warehouse would be tiring. I expected the soreness. But the aches in my legs and back are pretty much gone by the end of week 2. I think getting into pretty good shape the last few months definitely helped me adjust faster. My feet ache, but I also expected that. It's the literal exhaustion that's blowing my mind. I guess I didn't realize how butt-fucking tired I would be all the time. I guess it makes sense, since I'm walking the equivalent of anywhere from 5-10 miles a day, bending, lifting, squatting 10 hours a day. I just didn't think about that aspect to my energy.
trustfundkiller
05-16-2020, 05:20 PM
I wish I liked my sugar daddy more. The man is totally in love with me, and I could get him to marry me tomorrow if I wanted to, but the idea of it repulses me. I would never have to worry about money again and I'd be set, but I still think it would be such a miserable existence to be with him 24/7. I feel like I would be robbing myself of the opportunity to settle down and have children with someone I actually love. And my SD is only 64, so it's not like I'd be married for a year and then enjoying my inheritance. On one hand, I feel like I should approach the situation in a more mercenary way. On the other, I feel like I'd hate my life, and something better is out there for me.
carmen_b
05-16-2020, 05:48 PM
^ I'm the same !! My SD is 57. I left him alone for 8 years at the request of a long term partner and surfaced 3 months ago when in Hawaii and single.
He spoiled me crazy and gave me $$$. I was going to " reward " physically but then I couldn't !!
These situations are not for the faint of heart. Sometimes I feel guilt over it too.
In a sick and twisted way he is my longest term relationship - 9 years in Aug. ! He also has never let me down and has kept the " if I ever need anything " promises. :/
StellaRose
05-16-2020, 08:08 PM
I confess I have been late to my essential employment job twice in a row and it makes me miss the clubs where I could come in when I wanted. I’ve been too spoiled the past few years.
carmen_b
05-17-2020, 09:37 AM
Very strange day yesterday.
We " broke up " ( request of J).
This is about 2:30p.m. after he took a 1/2 tab of lsd 1-2 hours earlier. He seemed to think a break was the only answer. I said " ok " but was up front that I thought it was a crazy decision that he would regret.
Then the evening turned the very opposite direction.
We decide to have a restaurant meal dine in ( I've wanted to for 6 weeks ! ).
We have a great time there 8:15 - 10p.m. .
Now he wants a more formal arrangement.
Bf / Gf. He went around the house clearing drawers out for me and the night stand on my side. :)
There are obviously some aspects to this that are a little unsettling. Plus he kind of owes me a more special day that is better than " oh now that we broke up for the afternoon I realized I care for you " .
Aurora_Sunset
05-18-2020, 05:06 AM
Today is an old friend's birthday, and I don't know whether to say anything or not. Long story short, we haven't spoken in almost precisely 3 years. We had a falling-out, didn't speak for several months but still considered ourselves "friends." However, he spent all that time making not-so-subtle, "vague-book" posts that were angrily about me on his facebook, until I just couldn't handle it anymore, and deleted him off of everything. Maybe a year and a half or so ago, he sent a friend request on facebook one day, but rescinded it less than an hour later when I looked again, I guess hoping that I hadn't seen it. I didn't bother to say anything.
A few months ago, he started following my business accounts on facebook and instagram. Never interacted with anything, but clearly had to know that I would see he's following me. So about a month ago, I extended the facebook friend request again. We're back to being "facebook friends," but still have not said anything to each other. The big fight we had 3 years ago was sparked by me not wishing him a happy birthday. The issues in our friendship obviously went deeper than that, and there was a reason I hadn't wished him a happy birthday despite knowing that it's important to him. It seems like if I'm going to try to bridge the gap to us being more friendly again, today would be the day to say something. But honestly, I don't know what I would say after 3 years of not speaking. Just popping on his facebook wall and leaving a generic "Happy birthday!" seems silly and forced.
carmen_b
05-18-2020, 01:01 PM
I decided to take him at his word.
That the accidental break up ( while on drugs ) was just that ..... an accident. Lol.
Since he had no filter I kind of went on the ride with him that day as an observer ( doing the break up then obviously regretting it haha ) .
So yesterday was the first day where we were " on the same path " as he put it .
It's a more official arrangement of boyfriend and girlfriend ( his idea ). :)
Yesterday about 1 p.m. we did some lsd together ( a real dose this time for him and about a 80% tab for me since it was only my 2nd time after a 50% dose about a month ago ). It was a truly magical experience. I know drug talk can be polarizing but it was a very powerful personal experience for me ( so much so that I'm in the desert today taking notes about it ). He was using phrases like " my girlfriend " and " us " that made things feel so much more aknowledged and solidified.
This is what dating an intellectual super nerd is I guess haha. You see them multiple times a week , eat meals, have great experiences , get out in nature, and fuck them crazy. They then don't realize you are dating or serious about them haha . You have to tell them that specifically.
Oh ..... and the magic didn't stop there. I wasn't sure I could be sexual on lsd but he gave me a serious tongue lashing ( after we watched these videos of flowers opening ) . Good stuff there. I felt all of myself " open " to him hahaha. It's a very strange experience to explain but I highly recommend it ( with caution and research of course ).
:)
Aurora_Sunset
05-18-2020, 01:19 PM
Work is still screwing over hubby, and they changed his normal schedule from early morning to an evening shift today, without asking or telling him. So he ended up coming home shortly after I woke up, and won't be going back to work until around the time that I work my part-time gig tonight. He keeps asking if he "screwed up my day," and I keep saying no, but I think he can tell he kinda did. Not that I don't love spending time with him, but I've gone over a week now without any real, relaxing "me" time, and the only thing getting me through each day was thinking about Monday. "Can't wait til Monday. I can just cocoon and do my own thing and relax when I want to and be productive when I want to, and not have to talk to anyone." And then... He knows how introverted I am, and how much I cherish my true off-days and breaks from people. I can have my off-day tomorrow...
Elektra Luxx
05-19-2020, 01:43 PM
Bf and I were play arguing. I thought we were play arguing, he brings up something I did while we were broken up at the very beginning of our relationship. We he brought it up, I just stared at him thinking "How dare you!". I didn't say anything because he doesn't know the all the details, but I wanted to say was "Yes..yes I did fuck him and right now I thinking about calling him up and fucking him again on camera and sending you and your mom the video!"
I'm so fucking pissed off!
carmen_b
05-19-2020, 01:47 PM
^ Isn't that the WORST ?
I remember my ex bringing up my sugar daddy ( who I stopped seeing FOR him in early 2012 ). He brought it up in August 2018 !!
Like .... how da fuck does this help us now in any way ?
He also told me how he only considered me " casual " in 2011 / early 2012 . Why would you tell me that after 7 years of a serious relationship. Like ..... you obviously changed your mind so why mention it ?
carmen_b
05-19-2020, 01:52 PM
E :
Try to stay calm I'd say and remind him you were broken up + also remind that he didn't want details . Staying calm is easier said than done for sure !
Elektra Luxx
05-19-2020, 02:24 PM
I'm calm, but pissed! How dare he say that! That just sucks all my energy. I need a nap.
baer45
05-20-2020, 10:31 PM
I don't know whether you are aware of it or not:
Individuals meet their resident state’s eligibility criteria, who are furloughed or laid off are able to receive enhanced benefits. Such individuals will receive the weekly benefit as determined by the state for a maximum of 39 weeks (versus the 26), plus Pandemic Unemployment Compensation (“PUC”) equal to $600 per week. The federal government will provide funding to states to pay for the first week of unemployment benefits – i.e, no customary one-week waiting period. The PUC amounts ends on July 31, 2020.
So if you are out of the job, or have reduced work hours, you should file an Unemployment benefit, you will get an additional $600 a week.
buttonpop
05-23-2020, 06:59 PM
I struck up a convo about masks with a cashier at my fav grocery store, and he mentioned that he got a bloody nose and almost passed out from wearing a mask during his 10 hour shift last week ON HIS BIRTHDAY--- which he completely forgot was his birthday, because he was working so much and nobody told him happy birthday. That made me so sad I wanted to die.
I left and started driving away but an impulsive thought popped into my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I turned around, bought a restaurant gift card, put it inside a birthday card, and handed it to him.
I could tell he was about to cry and to be honest I was about to cry too.
Random acts of kindness are inherently selfish (because they make you feel good about yourself)-- AND thats okay. This is the happiest I've felt since the lockdowns started.
miss.a.p1600
05-23-2020, 07:41 PM
Bf and I were play arguing. I thought we were play arguing, he brings up something I did while we were broken up at the very beginning of our relationship. We he brought it up, I just stared at him thinking "How dare you!". I didn't say anything because he doesn't know the all the details, but I wanted to say was "Yes..yes I did fuck him and right now I thinking about calling him up and fucking him again on camera and sending you and your mom the video!"
I'm so fucking pissed off!
Dudes be having LONG memories .... when it’s something they feel slighted about. Their male privilege kicks in.
Might as well make a video since the bf has an imaginary video replaying in his head since whatever year y’all broke up....at least you’ll get paid royalties
miss.a.p1600
05-23-2020, 07:43 PM
I struck up a convo about masks with a cashier at my fav grocery store, and he mentioned that he got a bloody nose and almost passed out from wearing a mask during his 10 hour shift last week ON HIS BIRTHDAY--- which he completely forgot was his birthday, because he was working so much and nobody told him happy birthday. That made me so sad I wanted to die.
I left and started driving away but an impulsive thought popped into my head and I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I turned around, bought a restaurant gift card, put it inside a birthday card, and handed it to him.
I could tell he was about to cry and to be honest I was about to cry too.
Random acts of kindness are inherently selfish (because they make you feel good about yourself)-- AND thats okay. This is the happiest I've felt since the lockdowns started.
That’s so kind of you
I realized the nuance of the mask today with it being hot as hell and my breath was hot too...
Only good thing is I now have a better gauge of when my breath isn’t as fresh as it should be because i can now smell my breath inside the mask
I can’t imagine wearing it for 10 hours
miss.a.p1600
05-23-2020, 08:20 PM
I finally got some weed (a month ago) I’d been desperate to get
Helped me feel relaxed and cope with boredom at home.
Now I’m all out and trying to get back to ‘sobriety’.
Before this pandemic I had gone 2 years only having weed twice. I felt slightly guilty‘falling off the wagon’
I’ll wait a bit before deciding if I should cut back or get more
carmen_b
05-24-2020, 10:49 AM
It would take quite a bit to top the last two days. :)
JGB2009
05-24-2020, 09:43 PM
When I am spending time with the guy that I am currently seeing, somehow I find myself thinking of my daughters dad. I wouldn't think so much of it but I have done it on more than one occasion. Honestly I think way to much sometimes smh!!!!
miss.a.p1600
05-25-2020, 06:27 AM
I guess having sex with myself is good but I might want to be with a guy
I hate that a lot of men are still out here judging women N making it harder for us to express our sexuality
I hope the universe connects me to the right guy soon before my pussy and womb turns against me lol
miss.a.p1600
05-25-2020, 06:34 AM
Fuck it.
I think I’m gonna sign up on some dating apps and try to do some online sugaring while I got the chance before everything starts opening up irl
carmen_b
05-25-2020, 06:55 PM
J returned home early today but I said I was staying North until Wed. or so.
Now I realize I'm just here kind of fucking off ( salon appts. and finding things to eat ect. )
I can just pack up tonight and head in the morning to get a good dicking down. Haha.
WendiStarr
05-26-2020, 10:05 PM
I'm trying hard to be strong but I keep feeling anxious and waking up or having nightmares. I'm having a hard time sleeping.
miss.a.p1600
05-27-2020, 09:05 AM
I’m fresh out of weed again. I actually need it to help improve feelings of depression n anxiety (small doses or paranoia kicks in)
I should have gotten some BEFORE I ran out knowing how the dude I get it from rarely answers when I call him. Like “bruh what of drug dealer are you? I get you sell only coke but you know what, I’ve known ya for a long time so it’s your obligation n duty to help me get weed so answer the cotdamn phone for me like you answer for coke clients”
Le sigh! When drug dealers act like fuckbois
WendiStarr
05-29-2020, 05:23 AM
My performance at my vanilla job has taken a big hit this week, per our stupid weekly customer happiness survey feedback. I don't even give a fuck anymore. When you're dealing with repeat concessions abusers, people who blame you for their packages allegedly being stolen, and Prime members angry because stuff isn't shipping within 2 days, and customers who think they deserve free stuff since their items shipped from China arrived late, it's impossible to get a good customer rating anymore. If they fire me, I'd be making only $80 less a week with unemployment. I think I could easily supplement that $80(or more) with camming and/or pso.
moneybags
05-29-2020, 06:21 AM
https://youtu.be/flPCk8Z5XS0
Fuck it.
I think I’m gonna sign up on some dating apps and try to do some online sugaring while I got the chance before everything starts opening up irl
might as well. Nameyourprice sounds legit. Can you do it with regular dating sites?
good luck getting some weed. I can imagine how it’s a legit need right now. Probably safer and less addictive than anti anxiety medicine too.
miss.a.p1600
05-29-2020, 06:51 AM
^yeah it’s possible to find sugar daddy on regular dating sites
The only difference is both parties might be more indirect about their intent where as on a flat out “sugar daddy dating” site it’s pretty much obvious n known what the intent it.
Also a lot of old dudes are naturally sugar daddies but aren’t labeling themselves that or they don’t realize that’s what they are lol.
It is a bit more draining because dudes that act like sugar daddies but on regular dating sites are more likely to want more time/emotional investment. This can be okay if you really like the dude AND he’s spending generously. But it can be hell if you just want a couple times a week, a non emotional set up, or they guy is not as generous.
For me personally it’s too much of a risk to have my image n likeness on a “sugar daddy dating” site so I’d either have to go the indirect route online or freestyle for sugar in person (no proof) lol
lynn2009
05-29-2020, 12:05 PM
Wrong thread.
miss.a.p1600
05-29-2020, 03:44 PM
Watching the dudes debate each other in stripperweb lounge ..... great entertainment!
miss.a.p1600
05-31-2020, 02:43 PM
I’m giving this guy ONE week to propose a meet up, phone chat, or FT
I’m going to do something I wouldn’t normally do. Provide one time only access to the Divine fountain of pleasure.
If he is too stupid to act fast and seize opportunity. I’m blocking him permanently and he’ll be left wondering why I’m not responding looking dumb cause he thought I’d always be around/always respond
miss.a.p1600
06-01-2020, 01:54 PM
I’m giving this guy ONE week to propose a meet up, phone chat, or FT
I’m going to do something I wouldn’t normally do. Provide one time only access to the Divine fountain of pleasure.
If he is too stupid to act fast and seize opportunity. I’m blocking him permanently and he’ll be left wondering why I’m not responding looking dumb cause he thought I’d always be around/always respond
I changed my mind.
Im going against my blocking policy and I’m just going to speed up the process n block him today. 48 hours and he blew his opportunity....for good.
I waste no time dealing with possible fuckbois. I feel like he’s just messaging me for an ego boost/just to see if I’ll respond at this point which is meaningless and a waste of my time.
His dumb ass will be shocked cause he mistakenly thought I was so thirsty/liked him so much that I was going to text his ass to eternity. Nah bruh! Got the game fucked up.
with regards to sex, I’ll just remain celibate till I can start over n find someone better n worthy of the experience I’d provide. Plenty of good lovers out there I don’t need to settle
WendiStarr
06-03-2020, 12:24 PM
I fucking hate Amazon. I'm tired of their shady bullshit and lying to customers, and taking the blame for their stupid mistakes every work day. I'm so tired of having to explain to customers why items went out of stock and they weren't noticed until the day of expected delivery, why the idiot Amazon driver delivered to the wrong address, why their items were charged multiple times, or why they were subscribed to subscriptions that they never signed up for. I swear that once I leave my job with them, I will never shop with them as a customer again.
miss.a.p1600
06-03-2020, 01:31 PM
^with respect to idiot amazon drivers ..... you can say that again
Those third party contractors are not as good as UPS.
JUST had one deliver my package to wrong address. Thankfully they took a picture of the patio and I had to go looking around for the person with that same patio to get my shit I was expecting. Thankfully they didn’t have video doorbell or cams so I didn’t look like I was stealing from them when if fact i was getting MY mail the idiot driver placed at wrong address.
When I pay for prime I expect it in 2 days and I expect the drivers to do their job they get paid to do. I might just have my shit delivered to the Amazon lockers since those drivers could give two fucks.
Also amazon is rogue as hell. They Constantly increase their memberships then charge tax on top of their prime membership and don’t tell you.
miss.a.p1600
06-03-2020, 03:10 PM
I’ve been so stressed with all the shit in the news, pandemic shit, just everything and my only solution since I can’t get weed ....... is to masturbate.
I’ve given it to myself really good 3 times today and I hope my neighbor can’t hear me moaning loudly.
Who am I kidding. He probably heard me......oh well!
Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
Now back to work
Elle:)
06-04-2020, 09:00 PM
I've been so fucking anxious the last few days.