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WendiStarr
10-07-2022, 03:32 PM
Maybe it's because I've been sick and exhausted with 2 kids in diapers and in the age 2 and under stage, plus this housing instability stress and trying to heal from domestic violence right now, but I've decided that I don't want to try for a baby boy again in the future. I'm done. I don't want to change any more diapers for a long, long time once they are finally out of them. I don't want to wake up every hour to make bottles. I don't want to spend an hour rocking a baby, only for them to wake up as soon as I lay them down. I'm so over the 2 year old tantrums and trying to figure out what the hell she wants. I've had enough of the baby years and am ready for the school years.

chanzep
10-07-2022, 04:12 PM
I don't blame you. You are going through alot. Your doing a great job for your kids right now. The best thing you did was getting them away from your ex. I hope your daughter enjoys her birthday.

miss.a.p1600
10-08-2022, 07:00 AM
Im glad L is gone to work, acting mostly non-annoying, hasn’t dared asked me for favors that revolve around him/his kids/his ex wife (and if he did I just left and he didn’t haggle me)

Now I have the house to myself and I should be working my second job but I want to enjoy the peace before they invade my territory. I may work tomorrow so I can have an excuse not to be entrenched in the kid / “family” time with him.

I feel a little guilty but it’s his fault for not stepping up as a man a lying about obtaining better paying jobs.

If I gotta work hella hours I’m exempt from kid stuff or any obligation I don’t want to do.

My free time and only day off is for ME cotdamn it!

miss.a.p1600
10-08-2022, 07:09 AM
L called me right as he arrives at work.

I ignored the call. Just in case it was some emergency him and his ex wife need to deal with on their own. (Ex my kids need to come over early) ….. nah bruh! Ima enjoy my peace for the next several hours. Don’t ask me for shit during this time or I will rage!

miss.a.p1600
10-08-2022, 07:11 AM
Working at this job makes me realize even more how I don’t like men who don’t provide to a satisfactory level.

You want someone getting it in the mud with you? Fine. Go be with another man!

xxxGothBarbie
10-08-2022, 07:29 AM
I blew up on bf last night and got most of the money back I paid for the air bed. I'm not playing around anymore, if it takes me shouting at people and losing my cool to get what I need, so be it.

charlie61
10-08-2022, 11:49 AM
Miss a p, are you still working on extracting yourself from that situation? You didn't used to be this unhappy. Feels like you've been unhappy with this guy for years.

kimbe
10-08-2022, 01:48 PM
I confess I don't feel to good about leaving my partner for a two days trip on a very short notice. I could clearly see his disappointment, but he didn't ask me not to leave either. At least I'll arrive at home around 6pm, earlier than expected :)

charlie61
10-08-2022, 04:27 PM
Feeling a lot of anxiety today about the climate. It's still smokey and hot in Oregon, has rained here once in the last three months. It's October. Summers like this are becoming more and more common.

miss.a.p1600
10-08-2022, 06:06 PM
Miss a p, are you still working on extracting yourself from that situation? You didn't used to be this unhappy. Feels like you've been unhappy with this guy for years.

I think I’ve realized I’m not that good at living with others, especially men. Idk.

But to answer your question. Yes, I just started a new position so now I have two incomes. I don’t have much of a support system here local but I did notice some stress reduction/goal setting/eap resources the new place is offering as part of the benefits package so now Im able to use that. I am in preservation mode - saving about 40% of my income towards improving my credit for better opportunities and paying bills in advance because I want to not just move on but move on and up.

moneybags
10-09-2022, 11:26 AM
I emailed the textbook company about using the word prostitute. Especially because it was taking about being value neutral calling a woman a prostitute is NOT value neutral. Proud of myself for saying something even if nothing comes of it. Next, I’m going to the Woman’s march. I feel like a good feminist today! I plan to always advocate for sex workers no matter how uncomfortable it is. No one will save us but ourselves.

Theres a price to pay for being true to yourself, but there’s a bigger price to pay for abandoning your true self

LoveyD
10-09-2022, 07:19 PM
That is so true, money. ^^ I'm glad that you have the strength and courage to live in your authenticity and to shine your light! Don't ever give up the good fight! I'm right behind you.

I confess that I was really happy yesterday when I heard from this guy I've been friends with since I was 18. We dated on and off and hooked up like 25 years ago and I used to be in love with him and there's a part of me that still is a little bit, but it's just nostalgic. He texted me happy birthday and it was really good to talk to him.

miss.a.p1600
10-09-2022, 10:39 PM
I cannot fucking sleep and all I drank was iced tea. I should have procured some edibles because that would have knocked me right on out

Ugggh I’m officially a lightweight in the caffeine department

Maybe I’m nervous bc it’s my first official day out of training and I want to do well.

Im going to meditate tomorrow before work

LoveyD
10-09-2022, 11:01 PM
So I've come to the conclusion that I'm unable to quit THC. Not because I'm addicted, but because if I don't stay on it my cptsd spirals out of control and I have difficulty in regulating my emotions. Weed makes me feel normal. Yes I feel stoned, but at least I can think like a normal human being. If I don't take it, dark Dovey comes out. And it can be a frightening thing for me.

miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 05:09 AM
^i find that sometimes the word “quitting” can be intimidating

It’s easier to think about “cutting back” “tapering off” etc.

Thc helps me too.

Just take it day by day/step by step if you so desire.

I confess that sometimes when I talk to my wealthy relatives it makes me feel both good that I have a model of success to embody but also depressed cause I feel like I have to wrack my brain to determine to quickest way to achieve the same level and I feel so far behind.

I also have been watching wealthy bloggers and I am missing my fancy worry free single lifestyle

LoveyD
10-10-2022, 09:27 AM
^^ I have been listening to money subliminals on YouTube when I fall asleep lately. I haven't experienced a windfall yet, but if I do, I will let you know!

kimbe
10-10-2022, 01:42 PM
I admit that I put $1000 into an automated crypto trading platform a while ago and so far it has paid off more than double the amount I put in.. :)

miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 06:09 PM
I worked a shift for this employer, first day out of training and I feel like I’ve been shagged backwards

I was soooo nervous

People be asking me questions and I have no mf clue lol.

Thank goodness one woman (who almost went Karen on me but adjusted her attitude) was very patient and I think gave me a good rating.

miss.a.p1600
10-10-2022, 06:11 PM
I admit that I put $1000 into an automated crypto trading platform a while ago and so far it has paid off more than double the amount I put in.. :)

Niiice.

speaking of investing, I set up my employer match in the 401k

they only match up to 6%

so I’m going to buy some life insurance investments, some options, and stocks to add to the portfolio

kimbe
10-10-2022, 11:15 PM
I confess we could save money by cooking more at home rather than getting take out.. I'm a good customer at Whole Foods.

WendiStarr
10-11-2022, 03:11 AM
A former client bought me some groceries.

NitaBaby
10-11-2022, 06:49 AM
I don't think I'll be dating black men anymore.

My type completely changes after each breakup but this might be the biggest switch of my life. Don't really care to hear the "fUk bOYs cOmE iN All sHaDes" rhetoric. Don't care at all. I love black love and all that jazz but I'm about to go find my Latin/Asian/European/Alien king. I'm so done.

WendiStarr
10-11-2022, 07:08 AM
While waiting for my lawyer to make some moves, I'm so tempted to go to a sc and apply to work for a few nights. I just had to drop a couple grand for the lawyer since the pro bono lawyer isn't doing shit for me.

miss.a.p1600
10-11-2022, 07:35 AM
I can’t wait till this dude takes his ass to work and get out of my space. Shit!

miss.a.p1600
10-11-2022, 08:43 AM
I’ve only worked one day out of training for this employer and I’m fucking drained and ready for an off day. Fuuuuuck!!!!!

Add to this this asshat keeps trying to invade my boundaries using his kids and keeps bringing his sick kids here and having them roam all over this house with their pathogens.

Trying to keep my eye on the prize and my goal of my own space again so I have have my peace and health and celibacy back

carmen_b
10-11-2022, 09:02 AM
I'm trying to see the SILVER lining with my move out ( temporary or permanent unknown ).
Yuck !

The PLUS is that I opened up expedia today and played with some options !
I will probably just treat myself to some BIG travel in Nov. and Dec. !!!

If I go that long the destination needs to be on the more affordable side.
I'm tempted by Thailand ALWAYS after living there two months but I wonder if somewhere new might be good too.

I guess I should start another " how do I smoothly get my shit out of the house " thread ugh.
I am just DREADING that physical process if that makes sense . I'm dreading packing the closet. I have no clue what to do with my plants.

I told J this morning I was returning up North on Monday.
I just don't see me renting a room here being a happy thing.
My AirBnb is close to the airport he does flight lessons at so he will bring me my blender / fruits and a couple more outfits tomorrow.

charlie61
10-11-2022, 11:02 AM
^Did i miss a different post on this? You're moving out? Like pausing relationship kind of thing?

carmen_b
10-11-2022, 11:06 AM
^ yeah I should possibly make a new thing lol.

I hope he changes his mind.
He started talking gloom and doom and " he couldn't see us together " going forward on Friday BARF.

We just got into it somehow over the last couple of weeks . He was on one of his high maintenence kicks about life not being fun and sexy enough and my body REALLY shut down to him. He was alternating complaining about that and saying I had " zero " relationship with his daughter. I think he said said 24 hours after I found a fun family activity for us to all go do. I also admitted I probably took a little too much time to myself and came up with a plan of 3 fun and sexy night for him a week, two for " family " life , and two for myself ( I'm starting to get more involved in the arts scene in the city and things happen in evenings ). My suggested plan seemed to not work for him either .

He wouldn't go to our 2nd counseling session Friday at Noon ( it was via Zoom I booked it / paid for it / he literally had to walk 10 feet out of his home office for it ) .

I had my shit packed and was gone early Sunday morning.
I think there is a KEY difference in speaking to your partner like " I'd like to consider changes xyz would you consider doing these things " and the gloom and doom speech he was getting into.

carmen_b
10-11-2022, 11:20 AM
^ The thread for it is my " curse of social media " thread ......

I went bat shit nuts a week ago when he mentioned he might put his FB page back up and have his ex on it.
Like others there said ...... it probably wasn't really *that* ..... it was an overall trend of not feeling supported.

I *totally admit * I over reacted on the FB thing. At the time I was reacting how my body was telling me too lol and now I have kind of lightened up on it. I don't *agree* but I also just don't care enough to place energy on the issue . It was the main thing I wanted to see if we could get some help with from the counselor. I wanted to get our counseling routine GOING . I was beyond heart broken over that cancelled appointment.

SnuffleUffleGrass
10-11-2022, 12:29 PM
I made a mature decision today and that made me a bit sad. Sometimes being the better person feels terrible but you have to deal with your feelings.

charlie61
10-11-2022, 03:01 PM
Carmen, i agree about the doom/gloom thing - people usually only start saying stuff like that when they've spent a LOT of time thinking those thoughts. Sounds like he was really trying to build a case for what he truly wants in the long run.

And ugh... feeling pressured to keep things fun, light, and sexy through a normal ebb in the relationship is such a turnoff.

I'm so sorry. But I'm kind of excited for you. You're such a powerful free spirit!

carmen_b
10-11-2022, 03:57 PM
^ I mean especially if he IS REALLY thinking we are done but hasn't said anything ?
So I'm supposed to " convince " him through this sexiness to stay ?
WHY would we have a normal amount of sex in a crisis time ?
Maybe my body picked up on things before he said it.

miss.a.p1600
10-11-2022, 05:48 PM
^Because (just my experience take with a grain of salt) is that men think sex is the cure to EVERYTHING!

However It doesn’t feel good to give oneself intimately, when that sacrifice probably isn’t going to cure the deeper issue.

It’s a good thing you listen to your intuition

WendiStarr
10-11-2022, 09:02 PM
That one doctor former reg that wanted to date me when I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd daughter contacted me. It has been 2 years. So odd that he'd contact me now when I'm going through all this bs. He wants to see me in the morning before everything goes down and I am thinking about seeing him again. I've not had any sex drive in so long but I think it's coming back because I wouldn't mind riding a cockasaurus right now. Obv my head is fucked up from everything and maybe an orgasm would temporarily make me feel better.

xxxGothBarbie
10-12-2022, 12:34 AM
I'm just sick of men in general. My crushes are literally nonexistent to me these days bc of their bullshit excuses and being so random. Not attractive anymore. Moving on.

miss.a.p1600
10-12-2022, 09:05 AM
I FINALLY talked to my therapist after weeks of being unable to reach her because our schedules didn’t align due to me being in training/work

I told her everything including the last argument I had with L several weeks ago (when he kept insisting he should hang out with his friends at night after I told him I didn’t feel safe due to the high crime in the city). I felt like he was gaslighting me and lacking empathy and showing narcissistic behavior. He also tried to make me talk to him (aka I think he was getting thrills out of riling me up) and I don’t like talking about serious issues when I’m upset, I like to calm down first. But he bear hugged me and put his big ass legs around mine and I told him to get the fuck off me multiple times. I was so upset because if I’m not hitting you or cutting myself then why tf are you restraining me?

We went to couples therapy after this where the therapist held his ass accountable for the other problems but I did not get time to address that specific problem and when I brought it up to him later he blew it off as “playing around”. Nah bruh you don’t play with me like that.

I mentioned this to the therapist and she said it was abuse and to continue with the plan to leave.

Add to this Im now sick because this mf allowed his sick daughter her and she roamed all over this house spreading her pathogens. And he’s trying to bombard my space on Friday by bringing his loud ass kids to this house while I’m trying to work.

chanzep
10-12-2022, 04:15 PM
I'm sorry that's terrible restraining you because you won't talk is abuse. He has no boundaries at all even physical that's scary. Being sick from his kids is annoying . He has no respect for your peace not surprised his bringing them. Therapist is right you need to leave. Asap.
I would leave as soon as I could secure a place even if I only had a air mattress anything just to have peace .

neverendingkneebruises
10-12-2022, 06:06 PM
I can't believe how much my life is changing. The past 6 or so weeks have felt like the calm before the storm, I mean that in a good way.

Your network is your networth y'all. I can't believe the things some people are doing for me just because they met me 1-3 times and liked me.... crazy

indiegirl
10-12-2022, 08:25 PM
I bought a cow-printed Snuggie and I'm fucking stoked. It arrives soon from amazon. It's my gift to me since advanced anatomy and physiology starts on the 26th.

This is gonna be me soon! Hell I may even run errands in it, it's about to get cooler since it's October. It is now me against the world! LOLL
https://i.ibb.co/80q9bkv/Screen-Shot-2022-10-12-at-8-25-46-PM.png (https://imgbb.com/)

chanzep
10-12-2022, 08:41 PM
Looks cozy.

SnuffleUffleGrass
10-12-2022, 08:53 PM
That one doctor former reg that wanted to date me when I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd daughter contacted me. It has been 2 years. So odd that he'd contact me now when I'm going through all this bs. He wants to see me in the morning before everything goes down and I am thinking about seeing him again. I've not had any sex drive in so long but I think it's coming back because I wouldn't mind riding a cockasaurus right now. Obv my head is fucked up from everything and maybe an orgasm would temporarily make me feel better.

Go for it ma!!!!

My confession- I am gonna have to fight my urge to scream at my partner. Just ugh. I wish I was a lesbian.

xxxGothBarbie
10-12-2022, 09:01 PM
I think I'm going on week #2 without working LOL
I just need it.

neverendingkneebruises
10-12-2022, 09:26 PM
I think I'm going on week #2 without working LOL
I just need it.

Same boat here.... much needed break

miss.a.p1600
10-13-2022, 04:59 AM
Go for it ma!!!!

My confession- I am gonna have to fight my urge to scream at my partner. Just ugh. I wish I was a lesbian.

i thought about this yesterday. How I wish I was married to a sexless sugar daddy

Aurora_Sunset
10-13-2022, 05:35 AM
Woke up, ate an edible, and ran to the store immediately for munchies before it hit. It's gonna be a good day.

miss.a.p1600
10-13-2022, 06:07 AM
^yasss!

Surprisingly I’ve gone almost a week clear-eyed

I may need a refill myself so I don’t go clean tf off on L

This may be a bit petty and passive aggressive (I’m just going to give him back the energy he’s given me in the past) but since he’s using his kids to invade my workspace (acting like he’s too lazy to take them out, refusing to keep them at Berthas since she commutes to work and has an empty house, being lazy and pretending to be too broke to take them OUT) I’m going to give his ass the most basic birthday all whilst pretending I’m broke af (I’m not broke I’m just putting up money to spend on myself to free myself from this shitshow). I wish I could hire someone to fuck him (but really he doesn’t deserve sex) cause I sure don’t want to so I’ll tell him I’m still sick (because he chose to bring his sick kid here last week)AND on my period.

WendiStarr
10-13-2022, 08:39 AM
Trying to work at the sc last night turned out not that great. I haven't worked in a sc for a few years now since having my 2 most recent babies. It was frustrating and disappointing. Too many cheap timewasting men that want to sit and talk but not buy any dances or tip. If they want to sit and chat or sit and stare at women while drinking overpriced beer, they can go to a bar. It was like pulling teeth and I only walked out of there with $80 after tip out. Ugh. Not wanting to go back there again. Maybe Friday night would be better but maybe I should just do fbsm again.

carmen_b
10-13-2022, 09:14 AM
^ OH ! I'm SO sorry Wendi. There is just a certain sadness with a bad stripper night and we have all been there. UGH.
I don't know if I'd totally give it up since at least there was *some* money there and it takes a bit to get in the groove.
But yeah ......sensual massage may be good ( depending on how LE is in your area ).
Like .... you'd think the cops would have better things to do than patrol people doing that but it depends on area !

Did you have ANY luck with a shelter assisting you ? I would try that again too and BE AGGRESSIVE . Pretend it's STILL A RISK and you need shelter NOW . DON'T tell them you are in a hotel. Tell them you need to get away NOW. I can not believe they didn't help you. Like .... who exactly is being housed ? They are supposed to assist women in your exact situation !! I would try the neighboring towns in your area too. If you could get a break on housing you could get ahead !

lurkingtitties
10-13-2022, 03:03 PM
Wendi it does take some time to get back in the groove. Keep trying and try some new clubs too if there are others in your area! I know how discouraging a bad night at the club is but I don't think you should throw in the towel just yet!

lurkingtitties
10-13-2022, 03:08 PM
I stopped at the grocery store after work and bought a steak but now I’m too tired to cook it.