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jack0177057
03-24-2010, 07:57 AM
Maybe it's annoying for an asexual to respond to sexual threads

I wish I could exchange with you some of my libido for some of your asexualness... Having a super-high libido is a like living with an addiction.

What makes someone asexual?... Do you know?

charlie61
03-24-2010, 08:43 AM
I started a thread on here in Body Business. Being asexual wasn't a decision (unlike being celibate...two very different things!). It's like being gay or straight, really.

And I DO have a super high libido. Just not with other people. ;)

http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=138780

Athenathefabulous
03-24-2010, 09:12 AM
update on the boy situation:

We have basically failed at hanging out, but last night we ended up at the same party. Im skipping town to NOLA soon again for a few days; at the end of the night when we said by he said it quickly, and i gave him a very puzzled look and then he was like what... then there as some drunken discussion (my memory of hte night is hazy) and i guess at some point i tried to say that i liked him as more than just a hookup buddy but wasnt sure he felt the same, and he told me he did. but yea it was awkward-- drunken communication FAIL. and then he went home; he rode his bike instead of driving so he couldnt take me back. which i think is why i gave him the puzzled look to begin with, because to me that means either he is retarded or not into me.

but yea anyway i got a text from him saying something to the effect that he didnt quite say what was on his mind. and i guess we are going to hang out tonight and talk. i responded that i hate talks and he replied "me too. should be fun". ugh.

im dreading it. i hate talking. which is probably a sign that i should keep living the single life and that this whole thing was just silly.

Trem
03-24-2010, 11:33 AM
Guys are clueless like that, it would take a girl raping me before i start thinking "you know i think she might be interested in me".

Athenathefabulous
03-24-2010, 11:45 AM
Guys are clueless like that, it would take a girl raping me before i start thinking "you know i think she might be interested in me".

lol. well we hooked up before (nothing below the waist though) so there is no way he wouldnt know i had some interest in him. and he is a good looking dude, which is why i am puzzled if he really is this dense.

this is why i usually dont do anything beyond random hookups. i am horrible at communication, so the only way things progress further is if i am dating someone who kind of forces me to 'talk about my feelings' whihc i really hate doing. hence why i have only really dated 3 people, and one of those was a person guilting me into dating them. so ive really only liked 2 people that i have dated.

so yea, i guess im as clueless as you or anyone else when it comes to this shit. :-\

Kellydancer
03-24-2010, 11:59 AM
Interesting topic, and few guys are ever to complain about women that fuck first and talk later. Skipping all the usual bullshit and lies and just fucking - can be very honest

However since i'm hearing all the time about the alleged "lack of romance" in society today, maybe in the olds days when you first had to wine and dine a woman and take her to dinner and maybe a movie and THEN fuck her - that had certain advantages.


I don't look down on sexually active women - they're awesome and I've dated many girls like this.

But, in the case of a "real" and longlasting relationship (i.e., potential marriage situation) - I'm traditional. I like the feeling of "going slow" and "getting to know each other". I like to savour each little escalation in the relationship - the first long conversation until midnight,... the first awkard silences,... the first cuddle,... the first kiss,... the first sensual touching,... and finally - getting to the love-making after the sexual tension builds up to a state of frenzy. You only get to experience each of these "firsts" one time, so why rush through them like its a race? Also, the delayed gratification, plus the feelings that have developed during a few weeks of dating, makes the sex so much more intense.

I think both of these posts kind of make a point that many people miss now. That is romance should be slow and take its time. Too often people rush into sex and then the friendship isn't developed. One thing I've noticed in today's society is that many people fall for the chemistry right away, but then once that fades they realize they have nothing in common. I suspect that this is part of the reason why so many people divorce today but not as common back then. It took me many years to realize that courtship (that is to say not much sexual) is really the way to go.

KS_Stevia
03-24-2010, 01:44 PM
Now for an extreme case, some might recall that 4 to 5 yrs back, out in California a woman by the name of Melanie Craft (who at the time she met him in a restaurant was living with a broke artist/musician type) kept billionaire playboy (Oracle founder) Larry Ellision waiting many months or possibly almost of year before she gave in, and of course they are now married.
.

Great, she got his monies but he cheats on her with whores on the reg. Everyone in silicon valley knows what a slut and scumbag he is. Guess it doesn't matter though, he's right and they are "happy". Right? ::)

jack0177057
03-24-2010, 03:17 PM
And I DO have a super high libido. Just not with other people. ;)

http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=138780

You've probably answered this before - what do you fantasize about when you masturbate? - Or do you just look at yourself in the mirror?

On another board, women complained that their BF/husbands preferred to masturbate to porn, rather than have sex with them - is that asexual?

charlie61
03-24-2010, 03:32 PM
You've probably answered this before - what do you fantasize about when you masturbate? - Or do you just look at yourself in the mirror?

On another board, women complained that their BF/husbands preferred to masturbate to porn, rather than have sex with them - is that asexual?

I get off to thinking about sex...women and/or men. I just have no interest in fucking. Actually, oftentimes I'll get off to thinking about getting my SO off, since that's all I like about sex. I can assure you, this sounds much more depressing than it is!

About a preference for porn...I really have no way of knowing if those guys are asexual. It's different for everyone. Think of it as a continuum.

jack0177057
03-24-2010, 03:36 PM
I think both of these posts kind of make a point that many people miss now. That is romance should be slow and take its time. Too often people rush into sex and then the friendship isn't developed.

I don't judge others, but if I meet someone that could potentially be my wife -- we're going to have a ton of sex anyway (with my ex-wife, we had sex twice a day the first years we were married) -- so why not enjoy the pre-sex courting and emotional bonding for a few weeks? My ex-wife made me wait a month, because she was a virgin.

On the other hand, if I know we're not headed for the alter, and this is just for fun,... there's no reason to wait to get in the sack.

What's interesting is that I assume the girl I'm with has a similar thought process. Therefore, if she is agreeable to sleeping with me right away, I assume that she is only using me for casual sex and I don't put her in the "potential wife" category. It's not that I'm turned off by her because she's "easy", it's just that I don't feel that she considers me husband-material. If she did, she'd want me to court her with romance and earn it.

Kellydancer
03-24-2010, 04:22 PM
I don't judge others, but if I meet someone that could potentially be my wife -- we're going to have a ton of sex anyway (with my ex-wife, we had sex twice a day the first years we were married) -- so why not enjoy the pre-sex courting and emotional bonding for a few weeks? My ex-wife made me wait a month, because she was a virgin.

On the other hand, if I know we're not headed for the alter, and this is just for fun,... there's no reason to wait to get in the sack.

What's interesting is that I assume the girl I'm with has a similar thought process. Therefore, if she is agreeable to sleeping with me right away, I assume that she is only using me for casual sex and I don't put her in the "potential wife" category. It's not that I'm turned off by her because she's "easy", it's just that I don't feel that she considers me husband-material. If she did, she'd want me to court her with romance and earn it.

You're not the first guy who's said that, and I wonder if many more think like that. That they think sex right away means no one wants anything serious. If you get to the marriage stage, hopefully you'll have more sex anyway (or at least I'd hope). I like the courting ritual, which is why I made the decision to wait until I marry, get engaged or move in. I didn't use to think this way, but I do now looking back at my history.

solenia
03-24-2010, 04:53 PM
Right away. When my husband and I first met we were in bed within hours.

lol...me too... 10 yrs later we're still together n been married for 5... Every situation is diff. Do whatever feels 'right'...

jack0177057
03-24-2010, 07:15 PM
I get off to thinking about sex...women and/or men. I just have no interest in fucking.

So you can get off to porn... or erotic lit?

charlie61
03-24-2010, 07:21 PM
So you can get off to porn... or erotic lit?

I prefer porn. Raunchy porn just like the rest of y'all. I'm not a saint. Just asexual. ;D

solenia
03-24-2010, 08:07 PM
I luv erotic lit... its the best kinda foreplay for me

Pretty_Penny
03-25-2010, 02:41 PM
I go with whatever feels right to me. If thats the first date, so be it. If it's the 20th, so be it. I? don't have a set of "rules".

FBR
03-27-2010, 07:04 PM
I get off to thinking about sex...women and/or men. I just have no interest in fucking. Actually, oftentimes I'll get off to thinking about getting my SO off, since that's all I like about sex. I can assure you, this sounds much more depressing than it is!

About a preference for porn...I really have no way of knowing if those guys are asexual. It's different for everyone. Think of it as a continuum.

I had no idea about asexual. Too mental for me. I am more into the simplicity of "insert Tab A into Slot B"

FBR

Howiestern
03-28-2010, 02:26 AM
With the majority of women I've dated its always been about 3-4 dates before we had sex.

I'm past the stage of random hook ups, so if a girl wants to have sex with me on the first date and I thought I might like her then she can just wait.

I luv to make them wait heehee. SEXual tension is great fun!

jack0177057
03-29-2010, 06:12 PM
I prefer porn. Raunchy porn just like the rest of y'all. I'm not a saint. Just asexual. ;D

Maybe you're voyeuristic - Would you get turned on watching other people fucking right in front of you? Do you need to see other people having sex (either in real life or in your mind) to get aroused? You should try fetish parties or swinging parties - even if you and your BF don't swing, you could enjoy the voyeuristic aspects of that lifestyle.

jack0177057
03-29-2010, 06:14 PM
I luv erotic lit... its the best kinda foreplay for me

I write my own stuff... Want to read it?... JK

laurcon
03-30-2010, 03:02 PM
What happened with the talk Athena??

Athenathefabulous
03-30-2010, 04:06 PM
well i guess we agreed the feeling was mutual... so i guess we have something going on, im not sure if a label is on it or what not. i posted it here: http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=139962

the day after that i went to NOLA to work a few and i just got back this morning. i guess im hanging out with the boy tonight so we will see how that goes. I get the feeling that juggling NOLA and ATX and possibly some sort of relationship type thing will end up keeping me busy, but if i was able to juggle school, pittsburgh, and cleveland i think i can handle it :).


oh forgot to add, still havent fucked him yet. i probably would have before i left, but it was bad timing with mother nature :(. Tonight maybe? I havent gotten laid in like 3 months, so i definitely could use a good sexing :D.

hockeybobby
03-30-2010, 06:55 PM
That's exciting!

Athenathefabulous
03-31-2010, 09:34 AM
OMG, can i brag about good sex story on here? yes i can, its my thread :D.

well last night we went out to some bar, it wasnt too happening. i asked him if we could ditch the bar and go for a walk somehwere, which he seemed happy to do. I said "good, i dont know any good walking places around here so i need to learn. i knew all of the good ones in cleveland. my favorite was we used to hop the fence at night and go walking in the botanical gardens." He thought about this for a second and informed me that there is a botanical gardens here too, and we decided to go for a walk there.

So we ended up scaling the fence (which was actually pretty tall, but im a climber so it was no big) and then had the gardens to ourselves. Mind you it was a full moon and a starry night, and we were in the gardens. So no doubt, its hard for a girl not to feel frisky in this setting ;).

So yea, i geuss to answer the original question i posed, i ended up waiting a few dates-- and im glad i did. botanical gardens and a full moon with a hot guy who i like- worth waiting a couple of weeks for totally. I have a thing for sneaking into places at night, and i have a guy wiling to do it with me :). It was HOT! and "romantic" (his word, not mine. i hate that word).

So im in a good mood today. turns out, i really needed to get laid ;).

Vyanka
03-31-2010, 09:48 AM
That's something I personally don't put a time limit on. If it feels right at the moment, then at that moment it is. :)

noelle
03-31-2010, 07:57 PM
A couple years ago I met this guy and slept with him after barely exchanging two words with him. We're getting married next month! :D

KS_Stevia
04-01-2010, 03:29 PM
Fucking right on awesome Athena! That's a hot place to do it too. Was the fence easy to scale? This is the gardens down on Town Lake, just past the mopac bridge, right?

Athenathefabulous
04-01-2010, 05:41 PM
Fucking right on awesome Athena! That's a hot place to do it too. Was the fence easy to scale? This is the gardens down on Town Lake, just past the mopac bridge, right?

Yea it was by the mopac bridge. It wasnt easy to scale per say, but for a pole dancer it was definitely doable. The cleveland botanical gardens fence was easy to scale, i.e. it was only like 4 ft... so i was surprised to see that this one was guarded by an 8 ft iron fence.

on a side note, i think it was actually harder for him. when we were climbing out after our *ahem* walk in the garden, he was stuck on top of the fence trying not to impale his junk on the metal spikes. it was pretty comical to watch.

It was definitely a Hot place to do it. :cloud9: Sex in the garden is whats UP!

kthnx
04-17-2010, 05:56 AM
HAHA I'm exactly like a few of you. If I know the guy isn't boyfriend material, I do it right away and never call him again. But if I actually like someone, I let him wait a little to feel him out. Usually, when girls like guys and give it away too soon, the guys lose interest and mysteriously vanish after gettin it...

i understand the logic of this, as well as the following two reasons (stated on this thread by some females and males) for not waiting to have sex:
1) u dont see potential in the guy more than hotness or sex appeal, so u figure u'll atleast get a piece of ass from him before opting to never call him again
2) u very negatively view guys who r chovinistic enough to hold it against a girl if she "gives it up" too soon; therefore, u'd rather find out if he has this attitude sooner as opposed to later, so u atleast get to have some fun in the sack without wasting any more time than neccessary on him

however, referring to reason #1 -- if the guy doesnt have any potential beyond sex appeal, why even have sex with him at all? yea it might be fun, but isnt sex supposed to be only for people one is serious about? i.e. people u plan to marry and/or have children with? theres too much risk of stds, hidden webcams, etc these days that i wouldnt want to jump in those waters with just any hot piece of ass. or am i just oldfashioned...

edit: another reason i like to wait is becuz i find it to be a total sexual turnoff if a guy doesnt see himself eventualy having kids with me, or sees the possibbility of me gettin pregnant from him to be fearful and him wishing me to get abortion (which i am totaly against atleast for myself by the way). so yea i like to get to know the guy, be in a relationship with him, and see where its going before i jump into bed with him for more than cuddling. this holds even for long, longterm boyfriends or fiancees. after a long time of being with someone if he still doesnt want to be having babies from me and seems turned off by that idea alltogether then its a real buzzkill. turns me off compleetly! biggest sexdrive kill ever for me! i even had some serieous longtime bfs who had this attitude and as a result i didnt have sex with them for half a yr or more even while livin with them. mebbe its just me but i think sex should be sereous

Trem
04-17-2010, 01:06 PM
however, referring to reason #1 -- if the guy doesnt have any potential beyond sex appeal, why even have sex with him at all? yea it might be fun, but isnt sex supposed to be only for people one is serious about? i.e. people u plan to marry and/or have children with?

No, it is not.

kthnx
04-17-2010, 03:15 PM
^ well that kind of mindset is a great way to make one vulnerable to a whole slew of stds imho...some even trasmited if using condoms

Athenathefabulous
04-17-2010, 03:24 PM
^ well that kind of mindset is a great way to make one vulnerable to a whole slew of stds imho...some even trasmited if using condoms

well im glad that you assume that all of us who have that mindset have STDs.

also for the record, since i am monogomous now, i actually was tested last week. Im STD free :). and ive slept around a lot.

pink_staR
04-18-2010, 12:03 PM
I usually wait a minimum of a month...Longer mostly.

I just prefer getting to know the person first..& the dates, the chase.. Guys have always viewed me as a challenge and that won't change anytime soon :)

Kellydancer
04-18-2010, 01:02 PM
i understand the logic of this, as well as the following two reasons (stated on this thread by some females and males) for not waiting to have sex:
1) u dont see potential in the guy more than hotness or sex appeal, so u figure u'll atleast get a piece of ass from him before opting to never call him again
2) u very negatively view guys who r chovinistic enough to hold it against a girl if she "gives it up" too soon; therefore, u'd rather find out if he has this attitude sooner as opposed to later, so u atleast get to have some fun in the sack without wasting any more time than neccessary on him

however, referring to reason #1 -- if the guy doesnt have any potential beyond sex appeal, why even have sex with him at all? yea it might be fun, but isnt sex supposed to be only for people one is serious about? i.e. people u plan to marry and/or have children with? theres too much risk of stds, hidden webcams, etc these days that i wouldnt want to jump in those waters with just any hot piece of ass. or am i just oldfashioned...

edit: another reason i like to wait is becuz i find it to be a total sexual turnoff if a guy doesnt see himself eventualy having kids with me, or sees the possibbility of me gettin pregnant from him to be fearful and him wishing me to get abortion (which i am totaly against atleast for myself by the way). so yea i like to get to know the guy, be in a relationship with him, and see where its going before i jump into bed with him for more than cuddling. this holds even for long, longterm boyfriends or fiancees. after a long time of being with someone if he still doesnt want to be having babies from me and seems turned off by that idea alltogether then its a real buzzkill. turns me off compleetly! biggest sexdrive kill ever for me! i even had some serieous longtime bfs who had this attitude and as a result i didnt have sex with them for half a yr or more even while livin with them. mebbe its just me but i think sex should be sereous

To some people there's sex with people you care about, and others you just want to get off with. Many people can separate the two and that's fine. I used to be of that mindset but things change when you get older. For one, the issue of pregnancy is a big deal and that's why I wait to have sexual intercourse. When I sleep with a guy I ask him what would be the perfect solution to an unplanned pregnancy and only one answer is correct: marriage and having the child. I am strongly opposed to unwed parenthood and while I support abortion rights, I doubt I could have one myself unless it was disabled, would risk my life/health or the product of rape. Having said all of that, I am holding out for sex until the relationship gets to the point where engagement is talked about. That's vastly different than my views earlier in life. Part of it is that in many cases I rushed into sex thinking it would be a relationship and often did not. I strongly suspect that's why I am still single. Had I made guys wait I think some would have become long term relationships. This is also why when I date a guy I tell him off the bat what I am looking for, and sex isn't it. When sex is all they want they disappear.

mediocrity
04-20-2010, 09:36 AM
Right away. When my husband and I first met we were in bed within hours.

Likewise, I think it was three hours. When the chemistry is there, who cares how long it is. Roll with it.

jack0177057
04-21-2010, 07:58 AM
When I sleep with a guy I ask him what would be the perfect solution to an unplanned pregnancy and only one answer is correct: marriage and having the child.

Do you mean before sleeping with the guy? How do you know he's being sincere? Any half-brained guy could see that the question is a test.

Also, politics makes this a difficult test. Many women are staunchly "pro-choice," so the test might be whether I support a woman's right to choose abortion. If presented with this test - I might guess that the only "safe" answer is: "I will support whatever choice you make 100%." (Though, this is not an honest answer, because I would rather raise the child myself, then support her having an abortion.)

Zinaida
04-21-2010, 09:19 AM
If I'm ever in a relationship again I am waiting a looooooooooooooooong time. At LEAST 6 months. At least.

jack0177057
04-21-2010, 10:15 AM
^ Does chatting with you on this site count towards the 6 months?

Kellydancer
04-21-2010, 11:28 AM
Do you mean before sleeping with the guy? How do you know he's being sincere? Any half-brained guy could see that the question is a test.

Also, politics makes this a difficult test. Many women are staunchly "pro-choice," so the test might be whether I support a woman's right to choose abortion. If presented with this test - I might guess that the only "safe" answer is: "I will support whatever choice you make 100%." (Though, this is not an honest answer, because I would rather raise the child myself, then support her having an abortion.)

This is why I date for awhile before sleeping with them. This is a choice I made awhile back because I realized I wanted a serious relationship. I am pro choice and would have an abortion if need be (rape, disabled, my health, etc) but don't like the idea in the case of a healthy fetus in a relationship. Keep in mind I am older so this makes a big deal with me. I do actually bring up abortion because I like to see his opinion about this, because in many cases guys who are staunchly anti abortion because they are chauvinist.

Zinaida
04-21-2010, 06:34 PM
^ Does chatting with you on this site count towards the 6 months?
Lol! Afraid not btw, I'm a pretty conservative spinster heehee. :D

Lucifera
04-21-2010, 06:50 PM
Right away. Yet I've slept with 7 guys in the ten years that I've not been a virgin. I'm a good reader of people. Only one of those wasn't serious, and it was on purpose, so I could have the experience of a one night stand. :D

jack0177057
04-22-2010, 07:24 AM
Lol! Afraid not btw, I'm a pretty conservative spinster heehee. :D

I like conservative spinsters... See, we're getting to know each other... Internet chatting should count --- 5 months and 29 days left! :D

wanderlust08
04-23-2010, 06:09 PM
I usually wait a few weeks to sleep with a guy, but I had such a strong mental attraction to my current boyfriend that I couldn't help myself and practically laid it out on the table for him.

My current boyfriend and I had met on Valentine's Day (weird I know) and then I went out of town for a week. The day I came back we went out on our first official date and I totally jumped his bones...he turned ME down lol.

The very next night though it was ON. And we've been attached at the hip ever since, til this week...he is away on business for two months and I miss him soooo much. I can't wait until he comes back.

kthnx
04-24-2010, 07:19 AM
dude if a guy is a great catch and im seeing him and he doesnt want to have babies with me (now or in the future), then im like, cya! NEXT! seriously. and that goes even for bf i had for over 2 yrs. dumped him becuz he didnt want kids. if a guy doesnt see me as good enough for kids then its CYA! my son means the world to me, cannot imagine how my life would be without him

sxcbbw
04-24-2010, 07:56 AM
^Surely someone's desire for kids or not has nothing to do with another person being "good enough", but more just the lack of want for children.

Spankie55
04-24-2010, 09:20 AM
I usually don't wait. Maybe its a lack of self esteem,I have daddy issues. haha.
I fucked my Fiance after 3 days of knowing him,and it worked out :)

K Sweet
04-24-2010, 07:55 PM
I like to wait about a month, mostly because I love the chase, but I also want to get to know them so I don't sleep with someone who turns out to be a jerk.;D

kthnx
04-25-2010, 04:48 AM
^Surely someone's desire for kids or not has nothing to do with another person being "good enough", but more just the lack of want for children.

well im mostly talking about guys who already had kids (by choice) or plan to have kids. but this also applys to guys who lack a want for children too...if they dont want kids, then i dont want a future with them. im like, NEXT!

mediocrity
04-25-2010, 12:47 PM
well im mostly talking about guys who already had kids (by choice) or plan to have kids. but this also applys to guys who lack a want for children too...if they dont want kids, then i dont want a future with them. im like, NEXT!

I wouldn't have put it precisely this way, but yes, being compatible on future goals is important in a relationship. I could never marry a man who WANTED children, because I know that's 100% what I want. I also understand there's a flip side to that, where someone could never marry someone who DOES NOT want children.

That issue in particular is a huge deal breaker, IMHO.

rubyredlipsss
04-25-2010, 12:57 PM
when i first replied i said i'd wait a maybe a few dates, but things have sort of changed for me since (some messy things went down with my ex and kinda destroyed a lot of my trust in men) so i'm like zinaida, when i do actually get in a relationship, which will probably be a loooong time, i'm going to wait a longer than a few dates...i'm working on building my trust in people in general, and more-so in guys...lets just say i've been screwed over a few too many times to be able to trust again and am scared shitless of being hurt, so for my own sanity and well-being (which i think is really important for me to have if i want to have a healthy relationship) i need/want to wait so i can have the relationship that i desire.