View Full Version : Do any strippers ever fancy any of their customers?
Kellydancer
07-03-2010, 05:54 PM
And I forgot to mention the club has been defunct over 10 years so we can even say the name of the club (a bikini bar near Chicago on a street called Mannheim Road).
pixierocksonthepole
07-03-2010, 06:14 PM
There have been a number of strippers I would have very much liked to date but I hope I never marry a stripper because it would be awkward telling everyone how we met.
My husband and I are not at all embarrassed or bothered if people know where we met. Who gives fuck? Why should you care what other people think about where you met your spouse? If you love them...where isn't important or how. Just that you do.
Kellydancer
07-03-2010, 06:18 PM
My husband and I are not at all embarrassed or bothered if people know where we met. Who gives fuck? Why should you care what other people think about where you met your spouse? If you love them...where isn't important or how. Just that you do.
I didn't know your husband was a customer. Everytime I hear horror stories of dancers who marry customers I get nervous, but then when I hear of successful stories I am hopeful.
Hopper
07-03-2010, 06:31 PM
My husband and I are not at all embarrassed or bothered if people know where we met. Who gives fuck? Why should you care what other people think about where you met your spouse? If you love them...where isn't important or how. Just that you do.
Maybe my hypothetical stripper-spouse would be embarrassed too. Many strippers don't tell everyone they strip. Kellydancer says she and her boyfriend don't tell.
pixierocksonthepole
07-03-2010, 06:34 PM
I understand that but maybe you should leave that up to your spouse to be whether you tell people or not. :)
And yes Kelly he sure was. And I swear this man is an angel sent from heaven to save me. I can't explain the horror I went through before he came around. And I am so thankful for him everyday. I can see where girls are very touchy about it, I remember I was too. I am a very private person. It was hard but ...diamond in the rough for sure. ;D
Kellydancer
07-03-2010, 06:35 PM
We don't tell because both of us come from religious families. His mother and my mother are both devout Catholics and wouldn't approve. They probably won't approve if we live together before marriage (though likely after engagement).
Kellydancer
07-03-2010, 06:37 PM
I understand that but maybe you should leave that up to your spouse to be whether you tell people or not. :)
And yes Kelly he sure was. And I swear this man is an angel sent from heaven to save me. I can't explain the horror I went through before he came around. And I am so thankful for him everyday. I can see where girls are very touchy about it, I remember I was too. I am a very private person. It was hard but ...diamond in the rough for sure. ;D
He sounds great. The one I love is someone I almost let slip away because I had a string of bad guys. Your husband sounds great and proof that customers can be great sometimes.
pixierocksonthepole
07-03-2010, 06:48 PM
We don't tell because both of us come from religious families. His mother and my mother are both devout Catholics and wouldn't approve. They probably won't approve if we live together before marriage (though likely after engagement).
And see that one I can understand. But as for what others would think about the couple as in her being called uncalled for names and such...it's a part of life as I see it, and we just gotta let that garbage roll off our backs. :)
Kellydancer
07-03-2010, 06:53 PM
And see that one I can understand. But as for what others would think about the couple as in her being called uncalled for names and such...it's a part of life as I see it, and we just gotta let that garbage roll off our backs. :)
I don't know if it would worry me if others found out. I was thinking that because eventually I want to move back to the area where I met him and where I danced. What if by chance someone knew me from the club? I don't think that would bother me because the club was a very "clean" club (though I have since heard a few were hookers OTC). Since it's been 15 years since I worked there I doubt anyone would remember me. His family could never know because he even told me that if his mom found out I was a dancer she would think I was a slut.
Firewall
07-03-2010, 06:54 PM
I fancy a few of my regulars who are genuinely respectful and kind without propositioning me, but not in the sense of me wanting to go out with them ... if anything if just makes me really appreciate them given the circumstances and types of guys I usually encounter at work. It makes the nice ones stand out.
Hopper
07-03-2010, 07:03 PM
And see that one I can understand. But as for what others would think about the couple as in her being called uncalled for names and such...it's a part of life as I see it, and we just gotta let that garbage roll off our backs. :)
I doubt anybody I know would call any stripper I went out with bad names. I am just thinking of the embarrasment that is associated with both being a stripper and being a customer. It wouldn't be the end of the world but it would just be easier not to tell everyone. And really, why tell the whole truth? It would be enough for us that we knew how we met.
Anyway, not likely to happen to me.
pixierocksonthepole
07-03-2010, 08:03 PM
I doubt anybody I know would call any stripper I went out with bad names. I am just thinking of the embarrasment that is associated with both being a stripper and being a customer. It wouldn't be the end of the world but it would just be easier not to tell everyone. And really, why tell the whole truth? It would be enough for us that we knew how we met.
Anyway, not likely to happen to me.
I guess I'm not understanding you much. I let it be known I was a dancer and I am not ashamed or embarrassed about it. And I was worried what my husband's parents would think about it...but they didn't even blink an eye. And they are pretty conservative and church going people. It's a blessing in disguise sometimes when you tell the whole truth...even if its scary.
Hopper
07-04-2010, 05:33 AM
Interesting that most strippers here are saying they have never dated customers, even ones they were attracted to, or regretted it the few times they did, even though customers ask them all the time but a number of other strippers here are married or engaged to customers or intend to be. Apparently strippers don't date any customers as a rule occasionally can somehow fall for one, maybe with some persistence on the part of the customer, whose intentions have to appear more than just casual and physical.
I don't see the big deal about picking up strippers anyway. They are not the only attractive girls on the planet. Most of the strippers I see I don't find attractive. Many of them appear to be there for older men. I've only ever seen three strippers I found very attractive and would have loved to date. I don't go to SCs often enough for attraction to be a routine problem anyway. There are more girls outside of SCs than in them and they are less complicated to pick up. Men who get hung up on strippers must be spending too much of their time in SCs.
Kellydancer
07-04-2010, 11:50 AM
Interesting that most strippers here are saying they have never dated customers, even ones they were attracted to, or regretted it the few times they did, even though customers ask them all the time but a number of other strippers here are married or engaged to customers or intend to be. Apparently strippers don't date any customers as a rule occasionally can somehow fall for one, maybe with some persistence on the part of the customer, whose intentions have to appear more than just casual and physical.
I don't see the big deal about picking up strippers anyway. They are not the only attractive girls on the planet. Most of the strippers I see I don't find attractive. Many of them appear to be there for older men. I've only ever seen three strippers I found very attractive and would have loved to date. I don't go to SCs often enough for attraction to be a routine problem anyway. There are more girls outside of SCs than in them and they are less complicated to pick up. Men who get hung up on strippers must be spending too much of their time in SCs.
Like anything, love can happen anywhere. I've heard of escorts (strippers aren't escorts, just using an example) falling for regulars, I've known people who met someone through friends, online, etc. I'm sure in the cases of strippers falling for customers it's because the customer didn't treat the dancer as just that. In my case he never thought of me as anything but a normal girl who happens to dance. He never tried touching me or doing anything offensive. He did ask me out but not in a sexual sort of way. I would suspect that it's much different in contact bars, but who knows. Why him? I can't explain it. He's not the cutest or the richest customer I ever had. However our views, interests, etc are pretty identical (except he loves science fiction and I don't).
lol1337a
07-04-2010, 12:19 PM
I've only been interested in one customer, and it's been the best relationship of my life so far. Granted, he got his foot in the door by tipping well, and came in long enough that we got to know each other very well.
So,
1: it's very rare
2: if you pick up any signals and are willing to take the risk anyway, you'd better tip her well and come in often enough for her to know you very well.
Jessie_tinydancer
07-04-2010, 07:43 PM
I have liked and been attracted to customers, but I am married. If I was single Id say in the 2 years I've danced I would have dated only one. He also spent a lot of money and was a fairly regular customer. I could not see myself being attracted to anyone I just met. I like to get to know people.
Kellydancer
07-04-2010, 10:30 PM
I have liked and been attracted to customers, but I am married. If I was single Id say in the 2 years I've danced I would have dated only one. He also spent a lot of money and was a fairly regular customer. I could not see myself being attracted to anyone I just met. I like to get to know people.
Same here. The guy I love who was a customer is someone where the attraction got stronger and stronger. When I first met him, I wasn't attracted to him. Quite the contrary, I thought he was homely and me, being a pretty girl, didn't want him. As time went on the attraction grew because I got to know him and now he's very attractive to me. This is why online dating never really worked well for me because I often need to know someone to find them attractive. Strangely, I had a few hot customers I was attracted to but never considered them boyfriend material but had I met them somewhere else they might have been fuckbuddies. Odd how that often turns out like that.
Hopper
07-05-2010, 01:11 AM
Like anything, love can happen anywhere. I've heard of escorts (strippers aren't escorts, just using an example) falling for regulars, I've known people who met someone through friends, online, etc. I'm sure in the cases of strippers falling for customers it's because the customer didn't treat the dancer as just that. In my case he never thought of me as anything but a normal girl who happens to dance. He never tried touching me or doing anything offensive. He did ask me out but not in a sexual sort of way. I would suspect that it's much different in contact bars, but who knows. Why him? I can't explain it. He's not the cutest or the richest customer I ever had. However our views, interests, etc are pretty identical (except he loves science fiction and I don't).
I have always treated strippers as "normal girls". I don't get into the acting/fantasy part of it either. I prefer to interact with them in a straight manner instead of in "fantasy" mode. I touch them, but that isn't offensive because all the clubs are contact. How "contact" strippers think of their customers, I don't know.
Hopper
07-05-2010, 01:17 AM
I have liked and been attracted to customers, but I am married. If I was single Id say in the 2 years I've danced I would have dated only one. He also spent a lot of money and was a fairly regular customer. I could not see myself being attracted to anyone I just met. I like to get to know people.
A number of strippers here have said they are more likely to date a customer (if they ever decide to) who spends a lot of money on them. That 's the opposite of what I would have guessed. I'd expect strippers to look down on men who do that.
Hopper
07-05-2010, 01:24 AM
Same here. The guy I love who was a customer is someone where the attraction got stronger and stronger. When I first met him, I wasn't attracted to him. Quite the contrary, I thought he was homely and me, being a pretty girl, didn't want him. As time went on the attraction grew because I got to know him and now he's very attractive to me. This is why online dating never really worked well for me because I often need to know someone to find them attractive. Strangely, I had a few hot customers I was attracted to but never considered them boyfriend material but had I met them somewhere else they might have been fuckbuddies. Odd how that often turns out like that.
So if I meet a stripper I really like, I just have to keep going back untiil she knows me a lot better and maybe she will like me. Previously I would have thought that is the way to make sure they lose any possibility of respect for me, or at least any romantic interest. Like they'd see me with contempt or as being around their little finger. I'd expect them to be thinking "if this guy was worthwhile, he'd have had the balls to ask me out in the first LD", but instead he's just getting LDs with me every week."
But another way to view SCs and LDs is as entertainment or fun and the guy isn't necessarily spending a lot of money just because he is lonely. Or he is doing it just because he likes the stripper and paying her is the only way to get to know her, since strippers are inherently cautious about giving out tlelephone numbers and sick of being asked all the time.
I guess if a stripper likes a customer, none of the above psychology is going to get in the way of that.
Jessie_tinydancer
07-05-2010, 01:59 AM
A number of strippers here have said they are more likely to date a customer (if they ever decide to) who spends a lot of money on them. That 's the opposite of what I would have guessed. I'd expect strippers to look down on men who do that.
No I like being treated like a princess. I treat my husband like gold and buy him expensive gifts.. I expect the same in return. I never want to be treated like a "normal girl". Maybe Im a brat because my parents told me I was special and wonderful my whole life... I guess I expect it to continue from my partner. As I said didnt meet my hubby at the club... but if I did and he was cheap I wouldnt be interested. Im not a cheap person. I shout my friends and family and like to share my $$... I can't stand tight arses. (not saying u are hopper, just explaining further)
Hopper
07-05-2010, 02:53 AM
No I like being treated like a princess. I treat my husband like gold and buy him expensive gifts.. I expect the same in return. I never want to be treated like a "normal girl". Maybe Im a brat because my parents told me I was special and wonderful my whole life... I guess I expect it to continue from my partner. As I said didnt meet my hubby at the club... but if I did and he was cheap I wouldnt be interested. Im not a cheap person. I shout my friends and family and like to share my $$... I can't stand tight arses. (not saying u are hopper, just explaining further)
I think Kellydancer meant by normal was "not just as a stripper". I don't know if it is possible for a customer to treat a stripper like a princess in the club.
No, I'm not cheap with strippers - I show my appreciation with my money wherever it is deserved. But I don't want a lot in SCs, so I don't spend a lot. Since I have very rarely met strippers who I am deeply attracted to, I normally don't even have that reason to spend a lot on them.
Kellydancer
07-05-2010, 12:43 PM
Yeah by normal, I mean not being treated like a stripper. Sounds weird, but there are guys who treat strippers like strippers, which is fine in the club, but not outside. The only time outside of the club where I expect to be treated as a stripper is when I do bachelor parties. Otherwise, I want to be treated as any other girl.
So if I meet a stripper I really like, I just have to keep going back untiil she knows me a lot better and maybe she will like me. Previously I would have thought that is the way to make sure they lose any possibility of respect for me, or at least any romantic interest. Like they'd see me with contempt or as being around their little finger. I'd expect them to be thinking "if this guy was worthwhile, he'd have had the balls to ask me out in the first LD", but instead he's just getting LDs with me every week."
But another way to view SCs and LDs is as entertainment or fun and the guy isn't necessarily spending a lot of money just because he is lonely. Or he is doing it just because he likes the stripper and paying her is the only way to get to know her, since strippers are inherently cautious about giving out tlelephone numbers and sick of being asked all the time.
I guess if a stripper likes a customer, none of the above psychology is going to get in the way of that.
Like I said it is rare that strippers fall for customers and no amount of money will help if she's not interested. This happened one time, and he certainly wasn't my biggest tipper. I can't explain why it happened to me, because there is no explanation. Maybe because he from the beginning was a gentleman. He treated me good early on and didn't expect anything. He didn't ask me out right away (a big turnoff to me) nor has he ever asked for us to have sex until recently (we are waiting). I do know that had he not tipped me I wouldn't have wasted my time and never would have known him outside the club. My personal experience is when guys don't spend money (whether in the club or in my normal non dancing life) they are cheap and not into me.
I can't answer about contact clubs since most of the clubs I danced at were no touch. I did work at a few where contact was allowed, but I didn't allow it, and didn't work there long.
Hopper
07-06-2010, 07:28 AM
^It's great to know that my best chance of dating a stripper I really like is to buy lots of LDs from her. In other words, do what I want to do.
Kylea2
09-16-2010, 01:17 AM
I have fancied a few customers before... going out with them though is a no-go. Besides, at this point I think I'm finding that relationships just don't work well with my career.
ilbbaicnl
09-17-2010, 10:06 PM
I fancy a few of my regulars who are genuinely respectful and kind without propositioning me, but not in the sense of me wanting to go out with them ... if anything if just makes me really appreciate them given the circumstances and types of guys I usually encounter at work. It makes the nice ones stand out.
But dancers need to be careful with this, and not start to feel like anybody is doing them a favor just by not acting like a dirtbag around them. It's not healthy for the dancer or the customer if the dancer treats the customer like some big hero just for having basic human decency.
Many, maybe most, of the customers in a strip club at any given time are there because they are too obnoxious for any woman to want them. The non-obnoxious customers just stand out by comparison.
Hopper
09-18-2010, 12:36 AM
^She means the SCs sort out the really okay men from the bad. All men have to behave a certain way outside SCs but inside them they feel they can get away with more. Even most decent guys would feel more entitled to proposition strippers in SCs than girls IRL, since the girls behave and dress in an overtly sexy and erotic manner (unlike most girls IRL) and it is a fun and less inhibited environment (as in any other entertainment venue). They just don't realize all the reasons strippers refuse dates or propositions from customers.
ilbbaicnl
09-18-2010, 01:08 AM
^ I don't agree. Asking a dancer to date you in any sense is generally about as logical as going to McDonalds and shouting over the counter "Hey! I bet you'd love to cook me a hamburger for FREE tomorrow night!".
xxxchili
09-18-2010, 11:51 AM
I have made the mistake of dating someone who was a customer....never never never again!
ilbbaicnl
09-18-2010, 02:25 PM
^ It's true you're much more likely to meet a nice guy in, say, a laudrymat than a strip club. But it could be that Mr. Right has his own washing machine, and you'd be out of luck. Maybe this isn't true for everybody, but my philosophy is that the foundation of an LTR is friendship. Look for male friends, then turn one into a boyfiend if/when the chemistry is right. The first few months can just be getting together in public places where you each drive yourself. A worthwhile guy (SC customer or not) will understand this and be down with it.
Unfortunately in a relationship, it's hard to avoid power struggles. For the typical dancer, the dancer-custy relationhip is a somewhat servile one. That seems to make it hard for dancers to date custies, since they often have to do a lot of fighting just to get any where near a 50-50 balance of power.
unbeleavable
09-18-2010, 02:57 PM
Most of my girlfriends & past wife were entertainers...I have always been attracted to them because that's the only woman that could keep up sexually...single now & i have one on my mind that I want to visit.
majordon
09-18-2010, 10:44 PM
^ Unfortunately in a relationship, it's hard to avoid power struggles
I would go so far as to say that most relationships that last are power struggles that got resolved.
As for dating a stripper, I'm probably too old now for anything but a sugar-daddy scenario. But if a real relationship ever developed, I think it would be easy for her to achieve a 60/40 balance just by being nice to me.
Hopper
09-19-2010, 02:44 AM
^ I don't agree. Asking a dancer to date you in any sense is generally about as logical as going to McDonalds and shouting over the counter "Hey! I bet you'd love to cook me a hamburger for FREE tomorrow night!".
A date is not the same as a lapdance, and is possibly of more benefit to the stripper than the money he would pay her for a lapdance. For the average customer, yes a stripper will think that the LD money outweighs the chance of a date turning out well for her. Many strippers at this site have said they dated customers and a few of them said this resulted in successful LTRs. So it is not totally illogical to ask strippers out.
Hopper
09-19-2010, 03:12 AM
Unfortunately in a relationship, it's hard to avoid power struggles. For the typical dancer, the dancer-custy relationhip is a somewhat servile one. That seems to make it hard for dancers to date custies, since they often have to do a lot of fighting just to get any where near a 50-50 balance of power.
If the customer dates a stripper, he will probably not remain a customer. If he does, there is not likely to be a power struggle between them in the SC, because he gets more than just a LD from her free of charge outside the club and also because the power relationship in the club does not leave the club and extend to their sexual relationship.
I don't view a business transaction as necessarily being a power struggle. In a SC, the customer pays and the stripper lapdances - it's a simple exchange. Each of them is exploiting the other.
Surprise
09-19-2010, 11:07 AM
^It's great to know that my best chance of dating a stripper I really like is to buy lots of LDs from her. In other words, do what I want to do.
see, even then, i don't like to date guys who buy 47392898543 dances from me. I like for a guy to tip me well onstage, and then pay me to hang out with him. i don't mind if he wants a few dances, but 7594803890342 dances, to me, makes him a guy i don't really want to date. a guy who pays me for my time shows me that he really wants to get to know me.
Just to let you know that i am a male, i'm not trying to deceive anyone, i'm not that sort of person. i genuinely made a mistake when i signed up and i cant seem to change my ribbon now, any ideas? Well i suppose it's one way to become a female! lol :-[
ps - I could'nt find any posts like this, thats why i asked.Moderators cannot fix a gender mistake. Please PM pryce...he is the site owner or stripperweb who is the Super Moderator and ask that the mistake be corrected. We don't require pictures here and depend upon our members to be honest in terms of posting access to threads. It really is a big deal.
Thanks,
FBR
Kellydancer
09-19-2010, 11:48 AM
see, even then, i don't like to date guys who buy 47392898543 dances from me. I like for a guy to tip me well onstage, and then pay me to hang out with him. i don't mind if he wants a few dances, but 7594803890342 dances, to me, makes him a guy i don't really want to date. a guy who pays me for my time shows me that he really wants to get to know me.
I think Hopper (and other guys) are under the impression that if they spend so much money it automatically means the dancer will date them. While I wouldn't likely date a customer who spent nothing, I can't guarantee I'd date a guy who spent a lot of money either. I've had regulars who spent a lot of money, asked me out but I still didn't date. It's a tricky situation because while one dancer might truly like the guy, the other might have a strict no dating customers. My case is a strange situation. He wasn't my richest customer nor my hottest one.
What's funny though is that I love a former customer, I had a strict no dating policy when I work non dancing jobs. In the clubs I dated a DJ (bad idea), bouncer (broke up as friends) and currently want a former customer. I wonder why this is?
ilbbaicnl
09-19-2010, 01:06 PM
A date is not the same as a lapdance, and is possibly of more benefit to the stripper than the money he would pay her for a lapdance. For the average customer, yes a stripper will think that the LD money outweighs the chance of a date turning out well for her. Many strippers at this site have said they dated customers and a few of them said this resulted in successful LTRs. So it is not totally illogical to ask strippers out.
Agreed, that's why I said "generally". If a guy likes women who like to play hard to get, yea, I guess he just has to repatedly ask out every woman he's attracted to. That's the problem with that whole game, it results in a lot of annoyance to women, and also I think is responsible for a lot of the hostility some guys build up towards women. I am only interested in women who will drop hints they are interested. But most dancers flirt with custies as a part of the sales pitch, so you can't go by that with them. But since dancers get use to the role-reversal, I think they don't find it so hard to ask guys out. A few have asked me out, although I think that's often just a con or a practical joke.
The dancers I know have told me that, when a custy asks them out, they think "Doh! now when I turn him down I'm going to loose a regular, crap!". So it may be polite, if you're going to ask, to start out with "this won't affect me buying dances from you but....".
ilbbaicnl
09-19-2010, 01:33 PM
I don't view a business transaction as necessarily being a power struggle. In a SC, the customer pays and the stripper lapdances - it's a simple exchange. Each of them is exploiting the other.
Dancers typically act like they think the custy wants them to act (within limits), which is normally not entirely who they really are. So when a guy asks them out, he's not going get exactly that woman on the date that he asked out in the club. She may get lucky, the guy may be smart enough to filter out the sucking up, and see only her true nature. But there's a good chance she'll have to deal with a melt-down when the guy finds out she doesn't suck up for free. A lot of dancers have similar problems with non-custy dates, they break the news they dance, and the guy immediately starts expecting them to be suck-ups.
ilbbaicnl
09-19-2010, 01:50 PM
I think Hopper (and other guys) are under the impression that if they spend so much money it automatically means the dancer will date them. While I wouldn't likely date a customer who spent nothing, I can't guarantee I'd date a guy who spent a lot of money either. I've had regulars who spent a lot of money, asked me out but I still didn't date. It's a tricky situation because while one dancer might truly like the guy, the other might have a strict no dating customers. My case is a strange situation. He wasn't my richest customer nor my hottest one.
What's funny though is that I love a former customer, I had a strict no dating policy when I work non dancing jobs. In the clubs I dated a DJ (bad idea), bouncer (broke up as friends) and currently want a former customer. I wonder why this is?
I would never want to date anyone who would date me based on how much money I spent on them. I mean, I'm not going to be a cheap shit, because that's not who I am. But I'm not interested in the kind of affection that can be bought. Fine for a sugar baby, but not for a real LTR.
A lot of dancers seem to think I should buy dances based on how good a wife they'd be. But of course, it's mostly about appearance and what types of contact the dancer is comfortable with.
Hope you find somebody to be good to who's good to you.
Kellydancer
09-19-2010, 08:06 PM
I would never want to date anyone who would date me based on how much money I spent on them. I mean, I'm not going to be a cheap shit, because that's not who I am. But I'm not interested in the kind of affection that can be bought. Fine for a sugar baby, but not for a real LTR.
A lot of dancers seem to think I should buy dances based on how good a wife they'd be. But of course, it's mostly about appearance and what types of contact the dancer is comfortable with.
Hope you find somebody to be good to who's good to you.
That's the way it should be. The guy I want to be with was never a big spender but wasn't cheap either. I guess the best way to put it is that if it's there, it's there. However, many guys think the more they spend the more likely they are to get the dancer.
princessjas
09-19-2010, 11:20 PM
I have no issues dating customers of OTHER dancers....but one of mine. No way! To many issues and too much potential for drama.
Kisca
09-19-2010, 11:41 PM
He wasnt really a customer, I met him the first day and was attached. We had many interests/hobbies in common. He told me he had a new recent gf while I was giving him a LD. He came in a month later.. and we talked he got a few LDs and kissed me - we exchanged numbers. Met up at a bar after and we made out. He was a nice guy, paid for my drinks, food etc (which I expected lol) ...
After that, he told me he has a 2 year girlfriend - that he wants to marry her etc. I didnt get mad, I just got out of a 2 y/r relationship and it helped relief the pain/hurt/stress. But I did talk to him, not to do these things if he loves her and wants to marry her. He said "What she does not know doesnt not hurt her" We discussed that, and I told him to be honest and not to fool around if he is serious. He was ok as fooling around but not sex - I discussed w/ him to think about it clearly before getting engaged.. Kissing is still cheating!
A week later.... He got engaged. We spoke only one time after that, just how are things w/ no intention of meeting. I would be fine being friends w/ him since he is a fun guy, he is nice, and watched out for me if I got home carefully and such etc. But even if he was single I would not continue it further .. a person like that will still do that to their partner w/o thinking whats going to happen when she finds out.
princessjas
09-19-2010, 11:53 PM
He wasnt really a customer, I met him the first day and was attached. We had many interests/hobbies in common. He told me he had a new recent gf while I was giving him a LD. He came in a month later.. and we talked he got a few LDs and kissed me - we exchanged numbers. Met up at a bar after and we made out. He was a nice guy, paid for my drinks, food etc (which I expected lol) ...
After that, he told me he has a 2 year girlfriend - that he wants to marry her etc. I didnt get mad, I just got out of a 2 y/r relationship and it helped relief the pain/hurt/stress. But I did talk to him, not to do these things if he loves her and wants to marry her. He said "What she does not know doesnt not hurt her" We discussed that, and I told him to be honest and not to fool around if he is serious. He was ok as fooling around but not sex - I discussed w/ him to think about it clearly before getting engaged.. Kissing is still cheating!
A week later.... He got engaged. We spoke only one time after that, just how are things w/ no intention of meeting. I would be fine being friends w/ him since he is a fun guy, he is nice, and watched out for me if I got home carefully and such etc. But even if he was single I would not continue it further .. a person like that will still do that to their partner w/o thinking whats going to happen when she finds out.
I have zero interest in if my partner has sex with another person or not (providing they are safe during everything.) I'd still be PISSED if I was this dudes gf. Yes, kissing and taking out another woman is cheating if your primary partner doesn't know and approve of it. What she doesn't know won't hurt her??? Jeezus!! He doesn't respect women (or at least her) AT ALL!!! Total scumbag.
I agree with you btw, if he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
Kellydancer
09-20-2010, 12:01 AM
I have to agree as well. He doesn't sound like a nice guy. Nice guy wouldn't cheat on his girlfriend, especially since she didn't know.
Kisca
09-20-2010, 12:10 AM
He was a bit messed up in his life... I think he was dealing w/ a few problem with his past for his actions.. Being him in a relationship yes he is dirt.. but as a friend, he was a good person, he could joke, get into deep conversations, anything really.. This is why I liked him. But after I found out he decided to do that, and say that about his girlfriend, I confronted him about his thoughts. I told him it was wrong.. I hope he did change or at least told his gf. Both of them are still young so I dont see them going anywhere. When he spoke w/ me about marriage, he HAD to get married or else it was nothing.
Hopper
09-20-2010, 02:04 AM
see, even then, i don't like to date guys who buy 47392898543 dances from me. I like for a guy to tip me well onstage, and then pay me to hang out with him. i don't mind if he wants a few dances, but 7594803890342 dances, to me, makes him a guy i don't really want to date. a guy who pays me for my time shows me that he really wants to get to know me.
I wasn't saying multiple LDs would guarantee me a date, just that it would be the best chance, whereas previously I would have expected it to make me look desperate or inferior and turn the stripper off of dating me. I understood Kellydancer to be talking about a guy she actually liked - it wasn't just the fact that he bought loads of LDs from her. I'm not going to use buying LDs as a strategy for picking up strippers. That's the dumbest thing I could do, because strippers use that to get more LDs.
Hopper
09-20-2010, 02:12 AM
I think Hopper (and other guys) are under the impression that if they spend so much money it automatically means the dancer will date them.
No, I said that previously I thought the opposite of that. I understood that you were talking about a guy you actually liked and that you didn't like him just because he spent a lot on you, but because the number of LDs he bought from you allowed you to get to know him over a period of time and find out that you are suited to one another.
All I meant by that comment was that getting as many LDs as I like will not turn a stripper off of dating me. I did not mean that I would get multiple LDs with her as a way to get a date with her. I get LDs because I like LDs, and only as many as I really want. (So far the maximum has been three.) I don't get LDs to try to get dates. That is asking for trouble, because strippers know guys do that and they use it to get more LDs. I can get dates the normal way, far more cheaply, without the games and with girls just as nice. If I want to date a stripper, all I have to do is ask.
While I wouldn't likely date a customer who spent nothing, I can't guarantee I'd date a guy who spent a lot of money either. I've had regulars who spent a lot of money, asked me out but I still didn't date. It's a tricky situation because while one dancer might truly like the guy, the other might have a strict no dating customers. My case is a strange situation. He wasn't my richest customer nor my hottest one.
What's funny though is that I love a former customer, I had a strict no dating policy when I work non dancing jobs. In the clubs I dated a DJ (bad idea), bouncer (broke up as friends) and currently want a former customer. I wonder why this is?
Hopper
09-20-2010, 02:34 AM
Agreed, that's why I said "generally".
Right. Sorry. But I wasn't sure what you were disagreeing with me about.
If a guy likes women who like to play hard to get, yea, I guess he just has to repatedly ask out every woman he's attracted to. That's the problem with that whole game, it results in a lot of annoyance to women, and also I think is responsible for a lot of the hostility some guys build up towards women. I am only interested in women who will drop hints they are interested. But most dancers flirt with custies as a part of the sales pitch, so you can't go by that with them. But since dancers get use to the role-reversal, I think they don't find it so hard to ask guys out. A few have asked me out, although I think that's often just a con or a practical joke.
I guess how much you are prepared to annoy a girl who doesn't like you depends on how much you like her. People can change their minds, so a little annoying is probably justified. Generally though a guy should only pursue women who hint they are interested. The only way to tell with a stripper, who is probably playing a whole different game, is to ask for her number and then phone her up - before spending more than you really wish to.
The dancers I know have told me that, when a custy asks them out, they think "Doh! now when I turn him down I'm going to loose a regular, crap!". So it may be polite, if you're going to ask, to start out with "this won't affect me buying dances from you but....".
Good idea. But I have never been a regular. After a few LDs with any one stripper I've pretty much done all I am can do with her in the SC. With most strippers I've bought LDs from one LD was enough. Only a few of them were nice enough that I wanted repeats from them. So I'd probably be telling the truth if I said dating would not change the number of LDs I get.
bem401
09-20-2010, 06:07 AM
I always found it a lot easier to establish RL non-compensatory relationships with dancers to whom I was never (or barely) a customer. To the best of my recollection, just one or two girls I was ever a regular customer to were willing to interact outside the club before dances were essentially eliminated from our interactions, in other words until I stopped acting like a customer or as Hopper called it, the "mutual exploitation" ended.