View Full Version : Online dating?
she sells sanctuary
08-01-2010, 08:44 AM
i think it depends a lot on where you live too. online dating seems to be more successful in less urban areas, areas with less nightlife, or where the nightlife involves hanging out with friends over some beers more than it involves dressing up and going clubbing.
i've heard good stories, but i haven't come across anyone good. the guys who i talked to who seemed good also happened to live too far away, out in the more unincorporated areas, more rural areas. they had busy jobs PLUS they didn't have many places where they could meet people.
i've had a lot of older guys message me even though i explicitly said 20s only. i'm 25. i think that's fair. as i get older, that age limit will shift accordingly. several older guys mentioned the "baggage" thing, that women their own age had baggage (not necessarily even kids, failed long term relationships and financial and family obligations and stuff like that counted too). and the way i see it...so, you probably spent your youth breaking hearts and using women for sex while tricking them into loving you, and now you think that you deserve a 25 year old with long hair and big tits to reward you for it? aw hell no. lucky for them, there's plenty of 20 somethings who like older men.
Kellydancer
08-01-2010, 09:21 PM
i think it depends a lot on where you live too. online dating seems to be more successful in less urban areas, areas with less nightlife, or where the nightlife involves hanging out with friends over some beers more than it involves dressing up and going clubbing.
i've heard good stories, but i haven't come across anyone good. the guys who i talked to who seemed good also happened to live too far away, out in the more unincorporated areas, more rural areas. they had busy jobs PLUS they didn't have many places where they could meet people.
i've had a lot of older guys message me even though i explicitly said 20s only. i'm 25. i think that's fair. as i get older, that age limit will shift accordingly. several older guys mentioned the "baggage" thing, that women their own age had baggage (not necessarily even kids, failed long term relationships and financial and family obligations and stuff like that counted too). and the way i see it...so, you probably spent your youth breaking hearts and using women for sex while tricking them into loving you, and now you think that you deserve a 25 year old with long hair and big tits to reward you for it? aw hell no. lucky for them, there's plenty of 20 somethings who like older men.
I laugh when these ugly older guys want hot 20somethings. I used to date older guys and now I date guys around my age but many of these guys still date young. Of course most of these guys will only get a hot girl if they are hot. That's funny they mentioned baggage because everyone has baggage. Then these same guys wonder why they are still single. This is why I hate online, too many idiots.
Kisca
08-03-2010, 10:54 AM
^ I know, right? It just seems weird.
I actually decided to sign up for Okcupid today.. I am not much of a typer.. and checked out a few profiles these guys wrote 10x than me on their profiles.. gah
Kellydancer
08-03-2010, 11:26 AM
^ I know, right? It just seems weird.
I actually decided to sign up for Okcupid today.. I am not much of a typer.. and checked out a few profiles these guys wrote 10x than me on their profiles.. gah
It was either OkCupid or PlentyofFish where I saw this one profile and gagged. This guy was obese, low paying job (I think he was a dishwasher)he was mid 40's, yet his wish list was tall, thin, attractive lady with a great job. Yet if a woman wrote the same thing we'd be called "picky". I've been called picky because I don't date dads or generally obese men (if I had to choose I'd pick an obese man over a dad), yet lower than average men can be picky and that's fine?
she sells sanctuary
08-08-2010, 01:15 PM
^ i had several guys tell me i should tweak my profile because i came off as too picky. ok. thanks. if you don't like me, don't try to date me. they'd get all butthurt when i told them that too. it was funny.
but really, ugly losers (esp when they are jerks) luck out all the time with hot young girls. lots of girls are so insecure and will think that if a gross guy is hitting on them than it must be because they are gross too, not because the guy is unrealistic. i used to cry and brood for a week at a time if a particularly gross guy tried to hit on me at a gas station or something.
luckily, it just made me hate myself instead of making me like them, so i never did anything with any of them.
but there's a whole community out there (pick up artists) who take advantage of insecure girls by being assholes to them. the guys tell themselves that they're "alphas" but the simple fact is they're creeps who prey on the weak.
Kellydancer
08-08-2010, 01:44 PM
For some reason "experts" tell guys to be jerks to girls because it proves they like the guys. Me, I would tell the guy off. I too have had guys on those sites email me with "suggestions" about being less selective. Sure, I am picky, but I am looking to marry someone and that's something I feel one should be picky about. I know if I can't handle something while casually dating (like dads) while getting serious it would be worse.
deedee at the beach
09-27-2010, 02:25 AM
I'm bored with OKcupid.com, does anybody have any other suggestions on any online dating sites? I googled it but all I come up with are the same generic websites that don't really look legit.
Kellydancer
09-27-2010, 10:43 AM
the worst if when these bigger guys specify in their profile that they are looking for a woman who has a petite frame. They end up complaining that they have no luck on dating sites. But in reality, thin women who work hard at achieving their small size normally don't want to date a guy who doesn't take care of himself!
Or men who are in the 40's and stating that they are looking for women from age 20-30!! How bout someone their own age! Geesh!
I absolutely hate those men. I know I should tell myself that I wouldn't want those guys, but seeing these guys think they can be picky frustrates me to no end. I don't have a petite frame (not heavy either) but no way would I date a fat slob. This is mostly what I saw online, fat slobs and most were picky.
I've actually had people on dating sites think there is nothing wrong with a 40 year old man wanting 20-30's because "they want kids". Ok I get that, but first off most 40 year old women can still have kids (I know women that have had kids even later than that). Second, if the woman can't have kids anymore, there's always adoption or even if a man needs biological kids that much the woman can have an egg donor. So many variations yet these jerks refuse to date women their age. They'll get it because they'll still be single when they are older. I actually knew a guy like this. Very disgusting guy (obese, ugly, smelly, unemployed, 40 years old etc) yet he wanted a tall thin busty blonde who was around 25. Then he'd cry because he "couldn't find a girl".
Stories like these are why I generally avoid online dating. I mentioned in another thread I contacted a guy with a profile, but he never responded and I deleted my profile (wasn't serious anyway, nothing to do with him). Too many creepy guys. Too many guys lying. I have a free profile at Match (just to lurk, can't contact anyone) so I put in guys 40-45 around my house. Half of the guys are obviously much older yet are listed as being in that age group. One guy was completely grey and wrinkled, and while I know that can happen, it's extremely rare at that age. Also, half of these men are married too. I don't trust online dating really.
Kellydancer
09-27-2010, 10:49 AM
I'm bored with OKcupid.com, does anybody have any other suggestions on any online dating sites? I googled it but all I come up with are the same generic websites that don't really look legit.
I have profiles on both Plenty of Fish and Date Hookup (mostly to lurk) and haven't had much luck, but these are bare bone profiles and still get responses. Depends on what you are looking for and what are considered unacceptable to you. To me dads are completely unacceptable but most of the guys I see online have kids. I've heard eHarmony is good but never tried it (too expensive for me). I previously had an account on Match (now I have a free account to lurk) but never any luck.
Kellydancer
09-27-2010, 11:37 AM
I definitely feel ya on disliking online dating! When you are matched up with guys that don't have any of the same interests as you and you aren't even remotely sexually attracted to him, it makes it discouraging. I remember on ok cupid I got matched up with a man who was wearing diapers in his picture, was looking for someone who wants to wear diapers with him, and said he was bipolar (not that I have anything wrong with him being bipolar, but those were the only two things he wrote in his profile). That was enough for me.
Everyone's experience is different because every state attracts a different kind of guy and sometimes your type is in a different state. My moms in her 50's (but looks 40) and she kept giving up on dating because she would attract guys who were 70 with pictures next to their walkers! She has a boyfriend now that she met on match.com and she likes him so much! It's hard to stick through it when theres 90% weirdos on these sites. But its worth dating online when that rare normal guy pops along!
I've heard good things about plentoffish and match.com . I've heard ok cupid is more for college kids and that eharmony is full of creepers. But that's just some people's experiences with these sites that I know of!
I had a guy with diapers contact me on a site (can't remember which one) and all I could do was laugh. It was hysterical to me. Luckily I near a major metro area which opens to options more, but still too many guys I have zero interest in. Plus, in my case I'm just not very good with online dating. I'm the type that really has to get to know someone before I fall and this can take months.
Promnesiac
09-27-2010, 11:39 AM
I was (and I guess technically still am) on OKCupid. Initially it's sort of fun sifting through messages and feeling flattered, but it quickly becomes a huge pain in the ass.
I don't find it fun to have awkward first conversations with scores of people I can't see, so the process of getting to know people is just a chore.
Also, I find that it makes it much easier to reject people in about 1.4 seconds. You glance at a picture and you move on. And who knows if that guy would have been genuinely likable? Online dating makes it very very easy to be kind of an asshole, and I got it down to a science. It just made me, if possible, MORE bitter about dating.
Kellydancer
09-27-2010, 11:43 AM
I was just going to mention about the whole rejection thing, which I was thinking about. When I post my photo on the dating sites I literally get hundreds of responses. I got so many at one time that I had to delete guys that I would probably give a chance to in real life. I often wonder if one of those guys I deleted was my dream guy. That I would have met him offline, he had a great personality and I fell for him. Because he was online and I deleted him I'll never know.
Promnesiac
09-27-2010, 11:45 AM
I was just going to mention about the whole rejection thing, which I was thinking about. When I post my photo on the dating sites I literally get hundreds of responses. I got so many at one time that I had to delete guys that I would probably give a chance to in real life. I often wonder if one of those guys I deleted was my dream guy. That I would have met him offline, he had a great personality and I fell for him. Because he was online and I deleted him I'll never know.
Exactly! If you're an attractive woman, you'll get a flooooood of responses. And it becomes overwhelming. So you delete delete delete and you're not really being selective at all. I'm sure a bunch of the guys I tossed in the bin were great people -- I had just stopped caring by that point.
It would be like going into a bar and having 200 men all offering to buy you drinks at once. You'd think, "fuck it, I'll buy my own margarita."
Kellydancer
09-27-2010, 11:50 AM
It really was overwhelming and that was another bad part of it. Some of the guys I could tell were looking for sex so I didn't care I deleted them. I also deleted old guys (had a 75 year old contact me!), guys with bad grammar, dads (why do dads respond when I make it clear in my profile dads are a definite no?), and guys making comments about hot I am (and usually this is all they say). After this, I still had hundreds of responses and while I felt bad, I just couldn't respond to all. I still wonder who I deleted who could have been a great choice.
Promnesiac
09-27-2010, 12:02 PM
It really was overwhelming and that was another bad part of it. Some of the guys I could tell were looking for sex so I didn't care I deleted them. I also deleted old guys (had a 75 year old contact me!), guys with bad grammar, dads (why do dads respond when I make it clear in my profile dads are a definite no?), and guys making comments about hot I am (and usually this is all they say). After this, I still had hundreds of responses and while I felt bad, I just couldn't respond to all. I still wonder who I deleted who could have been a great choice.
Yep, I did much the same. People way over my age limit, bald guys (sorry, bald guys), dudes who made any grammatical or spelling errors ... and granted I would have likely rejected those same people in person as well, but like you said I'll never know.
Kellydancer
09-27-2010, 12:10 PM
I probably would also reject them in person as well. The ones that were the hardest to delete were guys not my type. While in person they may have become my type online I had such a selection of guys that I could delete them. The only positive about this is that in person I could meet a guy, find out he has a kid and dump him early on, whereas online I know right away.
sunshine16
10-06-2010, 10:20 PM
Oh, dating sites, I have pretty much given up on you. I've tried POF and OKCupid, had 1 long term (over 2 years on and off) with a craigslist (craigslist has some great shit- i adopted my pup from there too, unfortunately it now sucks) POF has sucked hardcore, all I get is "baby your so hot hit me back" the grammar thing I'm SUCH a stickler for. I was almost an english major, I edited all my friends papers, so yes grammar and spelling is important. I want to date someone intelligent, and that knows how to form sentences, but thats just me. A few on there did show potential, and went on a few dates, but they all seemed to turn psycho after a while. I'm still holding out faith..but..I'm really holding out faith for a guy I met at my best friends wedding last june- he's coming to visit in a week (unfortunately lives in NC..im in NJ) and we're spending the weekend together with my best friend, going to 6 flags and nyc for dinner..which i'm totally psyched about :D
Kellydancer
10-06-2010, 11:34 PM
Oh, dating sites, I have pretty much given up on you. I've tried POF and OKCupid, had 1 long term (over 2 years on and off) with a craigslist (craigslist has some great shit- i adopted my pup from there too, unfortunately it now sucks) POF has sucked hardcore, all I get is "baby your so hot hit me back" the grammar thing I'm SUCH a stickler for. I was almost an english major, I edited all my friends papers, so yes grammar and spelling is important. I want to date someone intelligent, and that knows how to form sentences, but thats just me. A few on there did show potential, and went on a few dates, but they all seemed to turn psycho after a while. I'm still holding out faith..but..I'm really holding out faith for a guy I met at my best friends wedding last june- he's coming to visit in a week (unfortunately lives in NC..im in NJ) and we're spending the weekend together with my best friend, going to 6 flags and nyc for dinner..which i'm totally psyched about :D
Have fun! This is funny you bumped this because I am on another forum typing the exact same thing. I am tired of guys that don't appeal to me contacting me while the guys I'm interested in don't respond. Two weeks ago I contacted a guy who seemed perfect (even worked in a former field as me) and he deleted the message I sent him! I deleted most of my profiles because I am tired of dads (I state no dads but these idiots can't read), obese, looking for sex and just plain idiots contacting me. I had a subscription to Match and outside of a few first dates nothing. The free sites are full of guys not serious either. If the guy I want to be with doesn't come around I'll probably be alone but after dealing with these guys I might prefer that.