View Full Version : On birth control, yet still managed to get knocked up...
Kellydancer
07-01-2010, 11:40 AM
Congrats on your baby. I won't say if you made the right choice or not, because that's up to you to decide. I will say that sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe that is why this happened. You are luckier than many woman because you have a very devoted guy who will make a great father it seems. I hear you on the job searching thing because right now it's a touch economy, but let's hope that gets better too.
BabyMolly77
07-01-2010, 03:19 PM
Congrats! Mommyhood is so rewarding. :)
I didn't want to say anything before you had decided, but what sealed the deal for me was when I read my baby already had a heartbeat at 5 weeks. I couldn't imagine knowing a little baby heart got ripped out of me. :(
Also, some money-saving tips - you have 6 months to look for sales. We looked through flyers every week and got the bassinet, bouncer, and swing for 40-50% off. We paid $400 for his whole bedroom set (crib, dresser, and change table). You can find a lot of used baby stuff online. You don't need as much stuff (clothes especially) as you probably think you do. Try to breastfeed if you're so inclined (not only free but also better for your baby).
Again, congrats to you and your man. It's amazing - I never realized how much I could love until I had my boy. :heartbeat To have a little person that you know you created together is an awesome feeling. Sending you "happy little family" vibes!!
Elvia
07-01-2010, 03:51 PM
Quick question- do you HAVE to see the ultrasound? If someone came in knowing they wanted an abortion but didn't want to see the ultrasound, you would think they could just turn it away. Can they? Do they?
mediocrity
07-01-2010, 04:23 PM
Quick question- do you HAVE to see the ultrasound? If someone came in knowing they wanted an abortion but didn't want to see the ultrasound, you would think they could just turn it away. Can they? Do they?
Yes, they can. I had them turn it away for my second ultrasound because it's just too gross for me.
Elvia
07-01-2010, 04:25 PM
^ You would think they should ask you to begin with.
Spankie55
07-01-2010, 05:24 PM
Yay. Congrats :) You'll be a wonderful mother, and it's so much freaking fun!
Spankie55
07-01-2010, 05:30 PM
I too think it's crueler to bring kids into the world that don't have a chance. This reminds me of an experience I had that still haunts me. When I was 19 I was raped by a former boss. I don't know if I became pregnant or not, but I skipped two periods (though this could be stress). I was terrified I could be pregnant and started sticking a coathanger inside me where I could feel it. As it turned out I got my period the day I was headed to a women's clinic to take a pregnancy test. That period was exceptionally heavy and I remember passing a large clot. I'll never know if I was actually pregnant but I was scared because I didn't have the money for an abortion, and the idea of being pregnant with a child of rape upset me (even if it was placed for adoption). Yet the most anti choice people would have made me look like a whore if I had aborted, but what life would a child of rape really have? I am just thankful I'll never actually know if I was pregnant. I remember telling a friend I might be pregnant because of rape and his words were "you will keep it right?". He thought abortion was always wrong. Needless to say we are no longer friends.
I'm so sorry that happened to you :( That makes me so sad. My friend from high school was a child of rape,and she was put up for adoption. She had a really hard time dealing with the fact that her birth mother was raped and that's how she was brought into this world,but she was adopted by a nice family and I guess she's doing okay-she has a son of her own now. But I don't blame rape victims for getting abortions-I wouldn't want to be reminded everyday for 9 months that I was raped. Personally I still wouldn't have an abortion,just not something I have the heart to do-but still completely understandable if someone did.
There is so much hate and anger in this world,it literally makes me sick to my stomach:( I wanna create my own planet and live there with all the nice people..
Kellydancer
07-01-2010, 08:25 PM
I'm so sorry that happened to you :( That makes me so sad. My friend from high school was a child of rape,and she was put up for adoption. She had a really hard time dealing with the fact that her birth mother was raped and that's how she was brought into this world,but she was adopted by a nice family and I guess she's doing okay-she has a son of her own now. But I don't blame rape victims for getting abortions-I wouldn't want to be reminded everyday for 9 months that I was raped. Personally I still wouldn't have an abortion,just not something I have the heart to do-but still completely understandable if someone did.
There is so much hate and anger in this world,it literally makes me sick to my stomach:( I wanna create my own planet and live there with all the nice people..
Thanks. While I was lucky I didn't have an abortion or a pregnancy, it made me realize how rough it truly is for some to get abortions. I couldn't have an abortion in most cases because I would have a hard time, but rape to me makes sense for an abortion (health of the mother and severe disabilities also make sense to me). Your friend was very lucky to get a good family. I had heard (not sure how true this is) that children of rape are sometimes hard to place because of it. I know if I had gotten pregnant and placed for adoption I would always wonder. I also know that had I had a child as a result it would have been a disaster at the time. I was only 19, in college and definitely not mature. Plus I was fighting a lot with my parents and they would have been disappointed (I never told them until years later I was raped and they were sympathetic).
Laurisa
07-02-2010, 04:53 PM
To the OP:
I got pregnant last year around July 15th. My son is now almost 5 months old, he was born 9 weeks early by emergency c-section because of a rare complication called a vasa previa. It was extremely traumatizing, and me and his father's experience with the NICU and it's staff was even more traumatizing. Can you imagine seeing your firstborn son laying in an incubator weighing just 4 lbs, 2 oz with a CPAP machine to help keep his airway open and an IV to feed him because he is too weak for a feeding tube? I couldn't, until the day I gave birth. I couldn't hold my son until he was 5 days old, and he spent 6 weeks of his life in the NICU. My son is doing fine now and is developmentally normal for his adjusted age (meaning they count his age from his due date until one year of age).
I'm not trying to scare you, I'm actually trying to give you advice. IF at any time during your pregnancy you think something is wrong, keep on your toes. Don't be afraid of the emergency room or triage (for pregnant women only if available). Demand ultrasounds if you think they are necessary and always keep your OB appointments.
Our son's NICU bill was $167,000 when he was discharged. His Medicaid covered it 100%. I would recommend getting Medicaid NOW even if you have primary insurance. It will pay co-pays and your child will automatically receive Medicaid at birth. This can be a real life saver if an emergency happens and huge bills get racked up. Plus, your Medicaid should be retroactive (in MI it's 90 days) to help with any bills you've incurred this far. In my state any pregnant woman is eligible for state insurance for at least pre and post natal care, including prescriptions, delivery, hospitalizations, etc.
After everything is said and done, being a young parent is a lot harder than I thought it would be. His Dad and I live together in our own apartment. I'm a stay at home Mom right now and his Dad works full time to pay the bills. We receive state insurance but no other financial assistance. His Dad and I fight a lot because of sleep deprivation, and I think the NICU really startled us. Seeing our tiny baby so vulnerable was really scary. Breastfeeding didn't go as planned, neither did my perfect birth. My son was too weak to breastfeed or even bottlefeed at birth, he had an IV and then a feeding tube for several weeks. I had to use a breast pump to keep up my milk supply (which was tough..but not that bad since he wasn't home). He was exclusively breastfed for 10 weeks, until shortly after his due date, but once he came home I wasn't able to pump as often and he wouldn't nurse. I kept trying and trying but it was too hard and I eventually had to stop two weeks ago. I felt guilty and like a failure because I wanted so bad to breastfeed exclusively for a year. My cousin's daughter is 3 weeks older and full term, and she is breastfeeding successfully so it adds insult to injury.
My advice to you is to not have ANY expectations with this pregnancy, your delivery, or your motherhood experience. Pregnancy can be unpleasant or wonderful, uneventful or catastrophic, and your birth can be less than desirable. It's not to say you shouldn't have hopes, but if you cling onto them too much you can wind up feeling lost and alone if it doesn't go as planned. NOTHING about my pregnancy, birth, or post natal experience went remotely as planned.
I never expected that my son would be as demanding as he is, I never thought about what would happen if I had a 'difficult' baby. You and your child's father need to talk about these things BEFORE you give birth.
Be sure to have a good support system. Have free or low cost babysitters lined up, you'll need the break. What will you do if you have a c-section? Can someone help you? You can't drive for two weeks and will be in some pain, I assure you. Plan for the unexpected, it's not fun but it can save you headache later. Have living arrangements prepared BEFORE you need them. We signed on our apartment the day before my son was born...completely by chance...and his Dad moved our things in with some friends while I was still in the hospital recovering!
Below are pictures of my son, at one day old and more recently. I hope this helped somehow. Congrats and good luck!
Laurisa
07-02-2010, 05:04 PM
Oh...and in regards to baby items:
- Craigslist. Self serve car washes [power wash] and lysol wipes work great for cleaning exersaucers and other larger items. I got my son's crib, brand new mattress, waterproof mattress pad, sheets and bumpers for $75...lightly used!
- Mom to Mom sales. You can find some great deals!
- Garage sales.
- Baby shower.
If you and Daddy's families aren't acquainted you can introduce them here OR have two separate showers. The dollar store has cheap invitations and decorations, although you should find someone to host your shower for you. Be sure to buy Thank You cards. I'd recommend making a registry at two places, such as Babies R Us and Target. This gives people an option if they are on a tighter budget. In your invitation you should make a note asking everyone to include a gift receipt. Keep the gift receipt in the card, bag, or taped to the gift so that you can return it or exchange it if you need to. If they purchased it off your registry at Babies R Us you don't need a receipt, but it's still useful. ASK FOR GIFT CARDS. You'll be amazed what random things you need last minute once baby is home. Having $100 or $200 in gift cards to Babies R Us or your store of choice will save your ass!
Also... I made the mistake of buying a bunch of newborn size diapers. My son was born weighing only 4lbs so I thought I would use them all, but I was wrong. He's almost into size 2 diapers now! I'd recommend buying size newborn (depending on your baby's weight), size 1, 2 and even 3 if you can. Stock up! Also, buying wipes in bulk is really useful.
This is just my personal opinion, but Pampers with DryMax are the suspected culprit behind my son's ulcer. He developed a 4mm deep ulcer in the NICU on his left buttcheek and a little over 4 months later STILL has it. He's seen specialists, I change him way more than a normal child, and nothing helps. The doctors all shake their heads. I've submitted complaints to several organizations about it. I use the old Pampers Swaddlers without DryMax and have rare issues with leaking. Huggies are an alternative, but I personally don't like them. Everyone is different.
I hope this helps!
-Laurisa