View Full Version : I don't want kids.
Optimist
07-11-2010, 01:53 PM
It's pretty funny that during the time it took to read this thread, TWO little girls seperately came up to me and started talking! Weird. It was like the universe was asking if I wanted some more of that. It feels like an assload of constant work. Answering questions, censoring your speech, tweaking your delivery to be supportive and instructive when you really want to say " You're adorable but I'm tired off my ass and I just want to chill right now." The thought of HAVING to work more days to feed the little darling, then more work at home watching, reprimanding, bathing, house cleaning is exhausting. I just have no pull to parent. I think I may be an auntie at heart.
malayataylor
07-11-2010, 02:00 PM
^ and a lot of ppl are like that. I have a cousin that's sworn to never have kids. She's a dancer in Hawaii. Whenever she does come around she spoils my daughter and is the perfect aunt. Having children is not for everyone but the assumption that having kids "ruins" you is absurd. Yes some women's body do get Fudged up but for many like myself it's not the case.
Having kids is a personal choice for sure.
sxcbbw
07-11-2010, 09:08 PM
Why would you be offended if someone said you might change your mind? That's like being offended by someone telling you that you might like a new food..It's silly.
Because, personally, like I said?
Yeah. To me it's just a hugely ignorant thing to say. In my situation, anyone telling me I'll change my mind is flat-out ignorant of why I'm never having kids, has no idea of my situation, and needs to back off and learn the facts before just assuming that I'm being stroppy and that my uterus will kick in soon and make me want kids.
I'd also be offended if someone told me that I "might like" a food I'm allergic to. Even if pregnancy doesn't kill me somehow (unlikely), the chances of that baby not having a whole host of horrific medical problems is slim to none. When people say some day I MIGHT TOTALLY BE UP FOR THAT, I think I have every right to be offended.
malayataylor
07-12-2010, 03:38 AM
^ My daughter dosen't have medical issues? and I know lots of mothers that have perfectly healthy babies ?:O
Slim to none?
sxcbbw
07-12-2010, 06:30 AM
^Your daughter is YOUR daughter. Coming out of YOUR system with YOUR genes. That's why she has no medical issues, and that's why I used the word "personally", along with first-person pronouns. My situation is specific only to me.
I, personally, am likely have children that are very sick - if I can even carry them to term.
Spankie55
07-12-2010, 06:36 AM
Because, personally, like I said?
I'd also be offended if someone told me that I "might like" a food I'm allergic to. Even if pregnancy doesn't kill me somehow (unlikely), the chances of that baby not having a whole host of horrific medical problems is slim to none. When people say some day I MIGHT TOTALLY BE UP FOR THAT, I think I have every right to be offended.
You're Right, You shouldn't have kids.
Kellydancer
07-12-2010, 11:29 AM
^Your daughter is YOUR daughter. Coming out of YOUR system with YOUR genes. That's why she has no medical issues, and that's why I used the word "personally", along with first-person pronouns. My situation is specific only to me.
I, personally, am likely have children that are very sick - if I can even carry them to term.
You are being smart. I know too many women who have issues yet still try to have babies. I do know that before I try to have a baby, I am going to get checked out and make the potential father to as well. Right now I have arthritis and psorasis (skin disease) but neither one are considered high risk (and the arthritis is mild). The guy I love now has rh negative, and that might be a problem, but maybe not. I do not want to take the chance if we have a huge chance of having a disabled child. It's bad enough because we are older our chances are higher, I don't want to up that risk.
malayataylor
07-12-2010, 11:38 AM
deleted.. lol :)
Spankie55
07-12-2010, 03:48 PM
You are being smart. I know too many women who have issues yet still try to have babies. I do know that before I try to have a baby, I am going to get checked out and make the potential father to as well. Right now I have arthritis and psorasis (skin disease) but neither one are considered high risk (and the arthritis is mild). The guy I love now has rh negative, and that might be a problem, but maybe not. I do not want to take the chance if we have a huge chance of having a disabled child. It's bad enough because we are older our chances are higher, I don't want to up that risk.
I'm RH negative and my man is positive. It affects nothing. You get a few shots,and that's it. And anyway it wouldn't affect your first kid.
My man has high blood pressure,and so do I. Are you telling me I shouldn't have had kids because of this?
LAAAME. I can see if you have a SERIOUS condition,but something so simple. Good lawd :( ::Shakes head:: I'm not gonna drive in a car now cause I might die in an accident..
Age is only a factor if you're over 35 or 40 I think-You're at a higher risk for downs syndrome.
Spankie55
07-12-2010, 03:56 PM
Oh BTW-Ladies,If you don't want kids you shouldn't have sex-the purpose of sex is to procreate. If you're mature enough to have sex than you should be mature enough to deal with it if you get pregnant. End of discussion. Or you could just get a hysterectomy. If you don't want to have babies and Don't want your body to be "Ruined" Then you don't need those organs down there anyways. You wouldn't need those hormones either :)
(I'm being way sarcastic and bitchy)
malayataylor
07-12-2010, 04:04 PM
I'm RH negative and my man is positive. It affects nothing. You get a few shots,and that's it. And anyway it wouldn't affect your first kid.
My man has high blood pressure,and so do I. Are you telling me I shouldn't have had kids because of this?
LAAAME. I can see if you have a SERIOUS condition,but something so simple. Good lawd :( ::Shakes head:: I'm not gonna drive in a car now cause I might die in an accident..
Age is only a factor if you're over 35 or 40 I think-You're at a higher risk for downs syndrome.
THIS. Well said, I swear some people need to research before they start thinking their bullshit. WTF
Kellydancer
07-12-2010, 05:03 PM
I'm RH negative and my man is positive. It affects nothing. You get a few shots,and that's it. And anyway it wouldn't affect your first kid.
My man has high blood pressure,and so do I. Are you telling me I shouldn't have had kids because of this?
LAAAME. I can see if you have a SERIOUS condition,but something so simple. Good lawd :( ::Shakes head:: I'm not gonna drive in a car now cause I might die in an accident..
Age is only a factor if you're over 35 or 40 I think-You're at a higher risk for downs syndrome.
I want to have kids, but if I had a serious disease I'd get checked out first. I don't have anything serious so I'm not worried about that. I don't want to get pregnant if I had a life threatening disease. But I don't.
Kellydancer
07-12-2010, 05:08 PM
THIS. Well said, I swear some people need to research before they start thinking their bullshit. WTF
I haven't checked it out because I'm not at the point of having kids yet. In fact I'm not even at the serious stage with him yet. I am older, which already puts me in the higher risk area. I will get checked and see if I can have kids before we do. In my case I don't want to abort a child so I want to make sure it's a healthy baby before I conceive.
HustletteDiva
07-16-2010, 11:54 PM
Again I hate how society tries to place these so called "Norms" on people period. I do not think it is a bad thing if you do not want children.That is your choice. It is your body and life. You are not hurting anyone by making this decision and there are plenty of other women to help populate the already over-populated earth if need be.lol ( Naw, I am just playing) But really that is a fair decision. I see so many women/people with kids who really shouldn't have them because of bad parenting skills so I think that is a bigger concern than Oh,What, This woman doesn't want kids. I don't know. I do not have any kids right now even though I want some in the future after I have established some things but I feel a woman should be able to decide if she wants kids or not and not be judged by that. This day in age ..I mean, really?
malayataylor
07-17-2010, 03:18 AM
Again I hate how society tries to place these so called "Norms" on people period. I do not think it is a bad thing if you do not want children.That is your choice. It is your body and life. You are not hurting anyone by making this decision and there are plenty of other women to help populate the already over-populated earth if need be.lol ( Naw, I am just playing) But really that is a fair decision. I see so many women/people with kids who really shouldn't have them because of bad parenting skills so I think that is a bigger concern than Oh,What, This woman doesn't want kids. I don't know. I do not have any kids right now even though I want some in the future after I have established some things but I feel a woman should be able to decide if she wants kids or not and not be judged by that. This day in age ..I mean, really?
Agreed!
But the notion that pregnant woman are loose down there, that they're not great in the sack after having a baby, That their men wouldn't want them anymore, they have LOTS of stretch marks, hemorrhoids or whatever else is simply plain ignorance.
I also agree that there are ALOT of mothers that shouldn't be mothers, This makes me mad. Why even have kids if you can't take care of them. When I had my daughter my biggest fear was expenses. I was scared out of my mind , I didn't want the government taking care of my daughter. I wanted to be a good mother just like my mom was to me. *sigh* I don't mean to toot my own horn but I think I'm doing a pretty superb job. ;D
We shouldn't judge others for not wanting kids of course but please let them say they just don't want kids rather than blaming their fear of stretchmarks, hemorrhoids and "wide hips" because I know mothers with six kids including my mom that don't have them.
Ignorance is not bliss.
Devinxoxo
07-17-2010, 08:54 AM
Oh BTW-Ladies,If you don't want kids you shouldn't have sex-the purpose of sex is to procreate. If you're mature enough to have sex than you should be mature enough to deal with it if you get pregnant. End of discussion. Or you could just get a hysterectomy. If you don't want to have babies and Don't want your body to be "Ruined" Then you don't need those organs down there anyways. You wouldn't need those hormones either :)
(I'm being way sarcastic and bitchy)
so are you saying that women who cannot have biological children should not be having sex? sex is not just for procreating but that is a matter of opinion.
I notice the reason a lot of people give for not wanting to have kids is they have this idea o what a perfect mother is and they are not that. They are not financially prepared, willing to give up freedom, don't want to be tied down with cooking dinner, answering questions, changing diapers and so on... But the truth is no one is 100% prepared for motherhood. Sure it's nice to be have some stability before you become a parent but no one is ever ready... And truth be told, you rise to the occasion, you do what u need to do for your child and it just becomes part of your life. I would be lying if I said you can be a mom and be completely free but with good help and a sense of balance it is possible to still lead a fun and exciting life and be hot as hell. Personally I like to think of what my daughter adds to my life instead of what is taken away from me by being a parent. The positive list is much longer. All that said, I commend all of you ladies who don't want children and refuse to conform. It's not for everyone and bringing a child into the world just because society says you should is wack. I wish more people would stay true to their hearts on this matter
Kellydancer
07-17-2010, 10:56 AM
I notice the reason a lot of people give for not wanting to have kids is they have this idea o what a perfect mother is and they are not that. They are not financially prepared, willing to give up freedom, don't want to be tied down with cooking dinner, answering questions, changing diapers and so on... But the truth is no one is 100% prepared for motherhood. Sure it's nice to be have some stability before you become a parent but no one is ever ready... And truth be told, you rise to the occasion, you do what u need to do for your child and it just becomes part of your life. I would be lying if I said you can be a mom and be completely free but with good help and a sense of balance it is possible to still lead a fun and exciting life and be hot as hell. Personally I like to think of what my daughter adds to my life instead of what is taken away from me by being a parent. The positive list is much longer. All that said, I commend all of you ladies who don't want children and refuse to conform. It's not for everyone and bringing a child into the world just because society says you should is wack. I wish more people would stay true to their hearts on this matter
No one is ready, but one should make adjustments before they have kids. I won't have kids before I can afford them because then taxpayers pay for them and that's wrong. Also, I will not have kids until I have a spouse who's equally involved because I can't do it all. This is common sense that too many people don't worry about before they become parents.
malayataylor
07-17-2010, 11:21 AM
Also, I will not have kids until I have a spouse who's equally involved because I can't do it all. This is common sense that too many people don't worry about before they become parents.
Nope. Not common sense. This is YOUR opinion and how you feel. This is very subjective. I know ALOT of women that are single parents willingly and want nothing to do with another Man. Does this hurt the child? Some may argue that it does however, I don't think so. In alot of cases, The woman is better off raising the child on her own.
Kellydancer
07-17-2010, 11:28 AM
Nope. Not common sense. This is YOUR opinion and how you feel. This is very subjective. I know ALOT of women that are single parents willingly and want nothing to do with another Man. Does this hurt the child? Some may argue that it does however, I don't think so. In alot of cases, The woman is better off raising the child on her own.
I meant it's common sense not to have kids until one is ready. People shouldn't be having kids until they can support them. THAT is common sense and I am tired of supporting women who just HAD to have a baby. Besides, yes a baby needs two parents and it's not fair for a woman to do all the work.
malayataylor
07-17-2010, 11:33 AM
I meant it's common sense not to have kids until one is ready. People shouldn't be having kids until they can support them. THAT is common sense and I am tired of supporting women who just HAD to have a baby. Besides, yes a baby needs two parents and it's not fair for a woman to do all the work.
I know a lot of women that DO all of the work and they do just fine. C'mon this is 2010 not 1814. Yes It is common sense to wait to have kids but sometimes like an above poster said it just happens.. again this is 2010 not 1814. I wasn't prepared when I got preggerz with my daughter in fact I hated kids.. I believe "hated" is an understatement here. However, When I saw her on the ultrasound I fell in love.
Being a mother is about being love, care, adjusting and nurturing. A baby needs two parents Yes I agree. There is noone like daddy BUT a baby does not need two parents to have a bright future nor does a baby need to parents to turn out "Good". I also don't think it's "unfair" that's I'm raising her alone. I think people have their own view of viewing things and that's just your view.. again, Your opinion.
I agree on the taxpayer issue. It is unfair!
Spankie55
07-17-2010, 10:36 PM
so are you saying that women who cannot have biological children should not be having sex? sex is not just for procreating but that is a matter of opinion.
Sarcasm. Pure Sarcasm. Obviously. I was making a point. If you're having sex and get knocked up,deal with it in a mature manner. And technically speaking,yes the purpose of having sex IS to procreate. The only reason why it feels good is so we'll want to have sex and make babies. Yes of course,sex is something special you share with a partner (Or a stranger,how ever you roll is cool with me) But I'm just saying-don't have sex if you don't want to risk getting pregnant. Duh. If you're mature enough to have sex,than you should be mature enough to raise a baby if you get pregnant. Nothing wrong with not wanting kids,that's normal-it's not for everyone. But don't run off to the smushorshin clinic (some "Knocked up" humor) When you get pregnant. That's like eating Mcdonalds everyday,getting fat,and then suing Mcdonalds for giving you a heart attack. It's like..DUH what did you expect? I know accidents happen,but every time you have sex,you run the risk of getting pregnant. So if you really DO NOT want kids,don't have sex.
Molly123
07-17-2010, 10:40 PM
I always hated kids, until recently. Now I want them, but am waiting until I'm ready. However, we have figured out that I am *not* a natural care-giver and so my husband and I have decided that he would be the primary care-taker... the "mom". That way we have kids, but they don't feel all neglected because I'm not all motherly.
SabrinaMorgan
07-22-2010, 07:23 PM
The medical thing does make it complicated. I never really had a strong maternal drive or desire to have kids - I like them, but always knew it was never something I personally could do well full-time, and my hat is off to those who are better up to the challenge than I.
When I found out that I was chosen to be the bearer of my family's bad genes (autoimmune issues, the variety pack), that only cemented my decision. Two types of arthritis run in my family. My uncle has one, my mom and I have both. He's partially paralyzed because of his (ankylosing spondylitis). My mom's slowly on her way there. My uncle chose not to reproduce because his sons had a 50% chance of inheriting the disease. My mom wasn't diagnosed until after I was born - she's stated on multiple occasions she might not have had me if she'd known her problem was genetic. I wasn't offended and don't blame her.
My partner kind of wants kids, but he's starting to show signs of one of the types of arthritis I have, and his mother was recently diagnosed. I don't exactly like our odds for creating another autoimmune clusterfuck. Others may choose differently in similar situations, and I won't judge them, but personally having talked with doctors, looked at my family history and done some research I can't do it knowingly. My body has never started begging me to reproduce and I'm just going to assume there's a good reason why.
My sister's in the opposite situation. She got different results from her genetic grab bag, she's very maternal, and she's always wanted to have babies. She'll be a great mom.
Angel75217
07-23-2010, 10:23 AM
I give props to anyone that knows them self enough to say "I don't want kids". The sad thing is the fact that you've taken the time to think about this, you would probably be a better parent then half the parents I know.
Harleigh HellKat
07-24-2010, 10:15 PM
Yeah, both my boyfriend and I do not want kids, however we can look at people who obviously shouldn't be parents and say, 'If those were my kids, they wouldn't be eating candy for dinner,' or something to that extent. I think a lot of people don't realize how much work kids take and jump into the decision without even a second thought.
By the way, said kid had a large black hole in her two front teeth caused by a cavity. :( Her mom wouldn't let her go to the dentist to have it fixed because she was scared of the dentist. Really kinda sad.