View Full Version : Men. (sorry so long - rant)
Pretty simple things. Unfortunately 90% of all guys are nothing like these guys.
Agreed, but most women/girls are not like that today either. They are self absorbed "what can you do for me today?" types who think the world revolves around them, and what the guy can do for them, and don't seem inclined to do anything in return. Men are just as frustrated out there as you gals are. It's just finding each other in a sea of D-Bags is the hard part it appears. :-\
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 12:32 PM
Agreed, but most women/girls are not like that today either. They are self absorbed "what can you do for me today?" types who think the world revolves around them, and what the guy can do for them, and don't seem inclined to do anything in return. Men are just as frustrated out there as you gals are. It's just finding each other in a sea of D-Bags is the hard part it appears. :-\
This is part of the reason I am dealing with the guy I love now. I am the only woman he's ever met that doesn't want him for his money. He's not rich, but seems to attract these gold diggers. Personally I don't care if a guy buys me a lot of presents except for certain events (Christmas, birthday, etc) and I would buy presents too. I've heard from many guys most of the women on dating sites ask for "generous" men. Because of them, guys think we are all like that.
Sadly, if he doesn't get over his issues, I will probably become the exact woman who does use guys and it scares me. I refuse to ever fall for anyone again if this doesn't work out.
I refuse to ever fall for anyone again if this doesn't work out.
Famous last words! }:D
It's a journey, some times it "works out" some times it don't. Love unselfishly as best you can, and you will have no regrets what ever happens.
It's been my experience, those who don't actively work on their issues, don't ever get passed them...:-\
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 01:21 PM
Famous last words! }:D
It's a journey, some times it "works out" some times it don't. Love unselfishly as best you can, and you will have no regrets what ever happens.
It's been my experience, those who don't actively work on their issues, don't ever get passed them...:-\
No this is it. I love him, but because he got screwed over he's afraid of falling. In the event he never gets over his issue, I'll never put myself out there. Oh sure I'll date, but get serious? Nope. Besides, most guys at my age have been married or have kids, and I'd NEVER date one of these guys.
No this is it. I love him, but because he got screwed over he's afraid of falling. In the event he never gets over his issue,
What is he doing to actively get over his issues? They don't just magically go away, no matter how much we wished they did.
I'll never put myself out there. Oh sure I'll date, but get serious? Nope. Besides, most guys at my age have been married or have kids, and I'd NEVER date one of these guys.
It's tough out there! At my age, most women would have kids too.
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 01:46 PM
Supposedly he's going to counseling, but not sure anymore. Right now I am so angry about this whole situation and then people (not here) tell me to lower my standards and date someone without my morals, ie a guy with kids. Yuck. I don't want these disgusting guys. I know there are never married guys without kids here, but they are harder to find and when I do I find out they either just want sex, or have worse issues than him.
Supposedly he's going to counseling, but not sure anymore. Right now I am so angry about this whole situation and then people (not here) tell me to lower my standards and date someone without my morals, ie a guy with kids. Yuck. I don't want these disgusting guys.
Disgusting? /:O
I know there are never married guys without kids here, but they are harder to find and when I do I find out they either just want sex, or have worse issues than him.
I can understand the kid thing totally, but I can't see why their having been married before would matter. Granted, most divorced people above an age will have kids, but not all. Me for example.
There's a fair number out there who have been married, but no kids. Regardless, we all got issues, so hopefully your and his issues can mesh! ;)
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 02:05 PM
I am opposed to divorce on moral grounds. 90% of the people I've met who were divorced are that way because they cheated, were abusive, took their wives for granted or "fell out of love" for stupid reasons (one guy got a divorce because his wife got fat). There is a slim minority in the case where it truly wasn't their fault, but this is slim. I'm likely only consider a divorced guy if it was a short marriage and he got an annulment.
malayataylor
07-19-2010, 02:10 PM
Supposedly he's going to counseling, but not sure anymore. Right now I am so angry about this whole situation and then people (not here) tell me to lower my standards and date someone without my morals, ie a guy with kids. Yuck. I don't want these disgusting guys. I know there are never married guys without kids here, but they are harder to find and when I do I find out they either just want sex, or have worse issues than him.
You've gotta be kidding me. Disgusting?
I'm pretty sure you are no Saint.
Really... I hope it works out for you.
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 02:11 PM
No I am no saint, but getting divorced for stupid reasons IS disgusting. Guys that have multiple kids out of wedlock are disgusting. I don't want these guys.
I am opposed to divorce on moral grounds. 90% of the people I've met who were divorced are that way because they cheated, were abusive, took their wives for granted or "fell out of love" for stupid reasons (one guy got a divorce because his wife got fat). There is a slim minority in the case where it truly wasn't their fault, but this is slim. I'm likely only consider a divorced guy if it was a short marriage and he got an annulment.
Errr, OK. To eache's own I guess. What would your thoughts be on a guy with all the qualities you wanted, but on moral grounds would never date a stripper (cause only women of poor moral character would do such a thing....) no matter how nice she was, how smart she was, how educated and special she was? Me, I'd tell him he was a closed minded fool about to miss out on a very special person. :-\
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 02:15 PM
Errr, OK. To eache's own I guess. What would your thoughts be on a guy with all the qualities you wanted, but on moral grounds would never date a stripper (cause only women of poor moral character would do such a thing....) no matter how nice she was, how smart she was, how educated and special she was? Me, I'd tell him he was a closed minded fool about to miss out on a very special person. :-\
That's his loss. A guy who's divorced wouldn't be acceptable in most cases to me or my family. If he's divorced he probably isn't such a special person.
I am opposed to divorce on moral grounds.
PS, I'm opposed to marriage on moral grounds. What a freakin' outdated waste of time. :spy:
malayataylor
07-19-2010, 02:17 PM
No I am no saint, but getting divorced for stupid reasons IS disgusting. Guys that have multiple kids out of wedlock are disgusting. I don't want these guys.
Multiple kids, I agree! Divorce? I agree but what about a guy single dad with one kid? I'm fascinated here.
Are you by any chance Catholic?
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 02:19 PM
Nope, guys with kids are definite no. I have dated dads and absolutely never again. Let them date single moms like they should. Yes I am Catholic, and while I don't agree with all their views, these are ones I strongly agree with.
malayataylor
07-19-2010, 02:23 PM
Nope, guys with kids are definite no. I have dated dads and absolutely never again. Let them date single moms like they should.
*sigh* I've dated guys with kids also and it's never worked out >:(
However, being a single mom I don't think we're supposed to just date single guys. I think that's a screwed up way of looking at things.
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 02:31 PM
Date who you want, I will not date dads of any type. It's bad news and I'd rather be alone than with them.
malayataylor
07-19-2010, 02:36 PM
Like I said, I hope your current relationship works out. :)
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 02:38 PM
Thanks, me too. Right now it's driving me nuts which it shouldn't. I need to stop thinking about it as much.
Ok, so what if you met a really cool guy that was a single dad because the mother of the child died. What would you do then? Also, I am Catholic and I don't remember us being so opposed to marrying a man that has children from a previous marriage.
I am opposed to divorce on moral grounds. 90% of the people I've met who were divorced are that way because they cheated, were abusive, took their wives for granted or "fell out of love" for stupid reasons (one guy got a divorce because his wife got fat). There is a slim minority in the case where it truly wasn't their fault, but this is slim. I'm likely only consider a divorced guy if it was a short marriage and he got an annulment.
Wow, I'm really glad my stepdad (who by the way is a strict practicing Catholic AND CCD teacher) didn't share this "Catholic" view before marrying my mom who had me and my sister from my dad. My mom divorced him because he beat the shit out of her, she was a virgin when she got married, did everything the ideal Catholic way. I don't agree with your views on this, and you can hardly say that they are indicative of the Catholic religion. Please don't make other people reading this thread think that all Catholics are like that.
malayataylor
07-19-2010, 02:58 PM
I would love to hear her answer to that one. I'm also catholic and I don't agree with anything Kelly says..
however, I find her fascinating.
malayataylor
07-19-2010, 02:59 PM
The single guy you're with sounds like he's got just as bad of issues as a man with children or a previous divorce. Plus, not all of those men in those circumstances are the same. I'm sure a lot of relationships with men like that don't work out (because their past probably interferes with the future you two could have together), but you could be passing up a perfectly decent man because of your unrealistic standards.
Love is supposed to be unconditional-- and you're clearly setting conditions, no divorce/no kids. /:O
Ditto.
I would love to hear her answer to that one. I'm also catholic and I don't agree with anything Kelly says..
however, I find her fascinating.
Yeah..... I don't like how she keep throwing around the term Catholic and attaching it to her personal views and opinions, they have nothing to do with the Catholic religion and are inaccurate.
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 03:03 PM
^^^Word. I don't get why someone would rule out an entire group of men just because they have children or are divorced. You're free to date whoever you want (obviously) but it just seems like you're limiting your options.
The single guy you're with sounds like he's got just as bad of issues as a man with children or a previous divorce. Plus, not all of those men in those circumstances are the same. I'm sure a lot of relationships with men like that don't work out (because their past probably interferes with the future you two could have together), but you could be passing up a perfectly decent man because of your unrealistic standards.
Love is supposed to be unconditional-- and you're clearly setting conditions, no divorce/no kids. /:O
I've dated guys with children and will never deal with that again. I've mentioned on many threads why I won't, because it's a nightmare I don't want to handle. I don't want to be a stepmom of any sort, nor do I want to support children not my own. I might like kids of my own and do not want them sharing with him. I want it to be his first time too. I want his money to go towards them, not his other kids, etc. It's a terrible situation that I'll never allow.
As for the divorce, there are many reasons, including in most cases they got divorced because of their fault. 90% of the divorced guys I've ever met got divorced for reasons such as "she got fat", or because he cheated, or because he was abusive. I might consider dating a divorced guy who had a short marriage and got annulled, but that's about it.
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 03:05 PM
Yeah..... I don't like how she keep throwing around the term Catholic and attaching it to her personal views and opinions, they have nothing to do with the Catholic religion and are inaccurate.
Actually, the Catholic religion doesn't support divorce in most cases and they do not support illegitmate children either. They do support annulment in some cases (I do too, such as abuse or infidelity).
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 03:07 PM
Ok, so what if you met a really cool guy that was a single dad because the mother of the child died. What would you do then? Also, I am Catholic and I don't remember us being so opposed to marrying a man that has children from a previous marriage.
This might be acceptable, because the spouse died. Much different than dating a guy with kids and an exwife.
malayataylor
07-19-2010, 03:08 PM
Yeah..... I don't like how she keep throwing around the term Catholic and attaching it to her personal views and opinions, they have nothing to do with the Catholic religion and are inaccurate.
You should see her other posts.....
I dont have any problems with divorced men or single dads. This is 2010. We have to start being a little more open minded. Open minded dosent mean lowering your standards but calling such a large group of people "Disgusting" is not fair.
Kelly, I agree with you on taxes but I disagree with you on everything else.
I hope your relationship works out HOWEVER, If it doesnt I would love to see the next guy you end up with If its not the pope himself I will be shocked!
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 03:10 PM
^^^I'm sorry, but you almost sound kind of bitter or something with your explanation. :-\
But I hope you find who you're looking for...
I've dated guys with kids and it's awful. There is a complete thread here of women who dated fathers and they all agreed it was a bad idea. It really is. I don't want to be a step mom of any sort.
princessjas
07-19-2010, 03:15 PM
That's his loss. A guy who's divorced wouldn't be acceptable in most cases to me or my family. If he's divorced he probably isn't such a special person.
Wow, I've known literally dozens and dozens of men that got divorced through no fault of their own. Just recently a friend of mine came home from work early to find another man at his house with his wife, just hanging out but with no explanation. Shortly afterward, she filed for divorce, abandoned her two daughters and started dating this other man....then a month later tried to crawl back to her husband, who is one of the best, kindest, most hardworking men I've ever met, and he has an engineering degree. Literally happened about 3 mos ago.
About a year ago another schoolteacher hippie friend (this one has no kids) had his wife leave him because he refused to quit his job, let the bank take their nice two story home and move with her to bumfuck WV to live with her mom and aunt in squallor in a small, supposedly artsy town. Back in college I knew of at least 3 men that had wives walk out and two left the men to raise their children, one mom started doing drugs, another found another man, the childless couple, well she said she "fell out of love." Hell, I dated a guy and was friends with another who were both abandoned by their mom's to be raised by their Dad's who were by all accounts fantastic fathers and husbands.
I know it is often the guys fault, but divorce is also often instigated by the woman these days. Right now I know of one man who has been with his wife for decades that he knows cheated on him multiple times, but he is a good man who won't break his vows. Lord my uncle stayed with my Aunt for years while she left and returned over and over again, making him court her every single time, till he finally said fuck-it I'm done and went and found a woman who looked and acted exactly like her and married that one and is still with her 15 yrs later. I know many of these cases have children, but some don't and saying all divorced men are disgusting seems a little narrow sighteded, especially since you are so set on the no kids thing and well, you could be eliminating a perfect partner. But then I always seemed to attracted good people to me, so maybe what I've seen in my social circle isn't typical (cause I think I've only seen one divorce initiated by the guy or his actions and only know of one other that cheats a lot...and unfortunately it's my cuz, haha funny, since his sister cheats on her hubby too, lol). Hell, I think we all suck! Find somone who sucks in a way you can deal with and hang on like it's the last pair of FREE Manolo Blahnik's in your size.
Kellydancer
07-19-2010, 04:00 PM
Wow, I've known literally dozens and dozens of men that got divorced through no fault of their own. Just recently a friend of mine came home from work early to find another man at his house with his wife, just hanging out but with no explanation. Shortly afterward, she filed for divorce, abandoned her two daughters and started dating this other man....then a month later tried to crawl back to her husband, who is one of the best, kindest, most hardworking men I've ever met, and he has an engineering degree. Literally happened about 3 mos ago.
About a year ago another schoolteacher hippie friend (this one has no kids) had his wife leave him because he refused to quit his job, let the bank take their nice two story home and move with her to bumfuck WV to live with her mom and aunt in squallor in a small, supposedly artsy town. Back in college I knew of at least 3 men that had wives walk out and two left the men to raise their children, one mom started doing drugs, another found another man, the childless couple, well she said she "fell out of love." Hell, I dated a guy and was friends with another who were both abandoned by their mom's to be raised by their Dad's who were by all accounts fantastic fathers and husbands.
I know it is often the guys fault, but divorce is also often instigated by the woman these days. Right now I know of one man who has been with his wife for decades that he knows cheated on him multiple times, but he is a good man who won't break his vows. Lord my uncle stayed with my Aunt for years while she left and returned over and over again, making him court her every single time, till he finally said fuck-it I'm done and went and found a woman who looked and acted exactly like her and married that one and is still with her 15 yrs later. I know many of these cases have children, but some don't and saying all divorced men are disgusting seems a little narrow sighteded, especially since you are so set on the no kids thing and well, you could be eliminating a perfect partner. But then I always seemed to attracted good people to me, so maybe what I've seen in my social circle isn't typical (cause I think I've only seen one divorce initiated by the guy or his actions and only know of one other that cheats a lot...and unfortunately it's my cuz, haha funny, since his sister cheats on her hubby too, lol). Hell, I think we all suck! Find somone who sucks in a way you can deal with and hang on like it's the last pair of FREE Manolo Blahnik's in your size.
In those cases I understand why they got a divorce. I guess it's because out of all the guys I know who got divorced, one was the victim. In the other cases the guy was to blame.
I am all set on never dating a father and that isn't something I could ever deal with.
Djoser
07-19-2010, 05:52 PM
Hell, I think we all suck! Find somone who sucks in a way you can deal with and hang on like it's the last pair of FREE Manolo Blahnik's in your size.
:D
I like that.
Also, xoAnnaBanana's signature is appropriate to the subject! So many unrealistic expectations are due to the media, especially television.