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audrey_k
07-14-2015, 10:58 AM
I think it's a stereotype. I wasn't abused, I just wanted to make money. It's like when people say, all strippers are drug addicts.

Selina M
07-14-2015, 11:18 AM
Yeah, this kind of thing is annoying. I get so tired of people projecting this stereotype onto me, "there must be SOMETHING wrong with you". Customers will literally sit and go down the list: "You want a drink? No? You don't drink? Do you smoke? Do drugs? Ohhh, then you must have kids. No?! No boyfriend? So you just... do this... for fun?" Like they think we have to be either drug addicts, or abused/pimped out, or single moms or something. God forbid a girl actually CHOOSE to be a stripper or any other sex worker.

I realized it had actually eaten into my subconscious that I *had* to be fucked up somehow... only recently have I come to the realization that the only things 'wrong' with me, by society's bullshit sheeple standards, are a total lack of respect for authority, especially in the boss-employee format, and a love of money. "Wrong" for falling in line with society, "right" for sex work and running my own life.

Djoser
07-14-2015, 05:21 PM
For whatever reason, the majority of people I have run into in this business are 'outsiders', that is we tend to be rebel types, people who deviate from the norm either consciously or unconsciously, or both.

One thing is for sure, this is no 'ordinary job just like any other' as some people pretend. We might treat the various positions in the industry as a routine; just as any job anywhere might be treated after a month or more in the saddle. But this business is about as far from the ordinary as you can get...

I am very curious as to why this 4 year old thread was suddenly bumped.

Aniela
07-14-2015, 05:29 PM
^^^^ It was bumped by a new member who doesn't check thread dates b4 hitting the Reply button. Several old threads have recently been rezzed in this manner.

Djoser
07-14-2015, 05:31 PM
Well it's not necessarily a bad thing. Technically against the rules in some cases. I don't see anything wrong yet lol.

charlie61
07-14-2015, 05:39 PM
I guess I wish there were firm statistics on this, because it wouldn't surprise me at all if the percentages of abused women were higher among dancers than in the general population. There are many reasons why this could be the case, only some of which implicate dancing as a negative or damaging profession.

Naturally, it's a completely separate issue that some men assume that ALL sex workers have been abused.

absolutelyadorable
07-16-2015, 12:24 PM
.

I realized it had actually eaten into my subconscious that I *had* to be fucked up somehow... only recently have I come to the realization that the only things 'wrong' with me, by society's bullshit sheeple standards, are a total lack of respect for authority, especially in the boss-employee format, and a love of money. "Wrong" for falling in line with society, "right" for sex work and running my own life.

Yep this is me too ^_____^
I was falling into a vicious cycle of bullshit jobs and disrespectful employers who saw me as the young kid who desperately needed money so they exploited the hell out of that as much as possible. Thus, my disrespect for most authority figures, and my inability to "fall into line" as Selina put it.

dakdakdak
07-16-2015, 02:24 PM
Most sex workers? I dunno. I think maybe a disproportionate amount of sex workers were abused in some way. A lot of strippers I know/have known were abused as kids, but I would take that doctor's statistic with a grain of salt.

There's also a lot of lesbian strippers... but I think that's just because of the job perks.

audritwo
07-16-2015, 10:46 PM
I fucking hate this stereotype, because I was abused when I was younger. But that isn't the reason why I became a sexworker. I became a sex worker because I embrace and cherish my sexuality. It's not that I have a "unhealthy" relationship with men because of something that happened to me when I was very young, that I had zero control over. I'm in a long term stable relationship with a man, and all the men in my family (which is fairly large and mostly made of of males) treat me like a queen.

Since only a third of child sexual abuse is reported, no one can really estimate the real number of children that maybe abuse.

http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6143427/k.38C5/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Statistics.htm

wednesday86
07-16-2015, 11:00 PM
I wasn't abused either....I think I was drawn to stripping because I grew up in a VERY conservative home where even talking about sex at all or admitting that you masturbate was so taboo. Being sexual was the ultimate sin. I've always been the black sheep of the family.

Elektra Luxx
07-16-2015, 11:59 PM
It is a stereotype, I was abused as a child and one therapist I was seeing implied that it had something to do with me being hyper-sexual. So I'm actually back and forth on this. All I know is that I got into sex work because I was trying to keep up with my best friend at the time to show her I was just as edgy as she was. But what kept me doing it was the money and all the attention I getting. I just turned 18 years old and some guy is begging to give me $250 to spend an hour with me, take me shopping, give me gifts, take me to nice restaurants. That's hard to give up. I still have second thoughts when I the urge to buy something on impulse and then have to ask myself if I really need it and can I really afford to buy it. That fucking sucks.

chloe25
07-17-2015, 12:57 AM
I don't remember ever being abused when I was a child, but at the age of 15 I had a much older boyfriend (a 24 year old) who was a sexual predator. He introduced me to very full on sex, he used to have sex with all of my friends which broke me heart, and he also used to encourage me to have sex with his friends and his brother. He then made that his reason why he would never committ to me properly. I stayed with this guy for 2-3 years and it really fucked me up, I now see the way he treated me as sexual abuse. From the age of 15 onwards I developed a secret desire to work as a stripper/ escourt, and when I was 18 I made that dream a reality.
I often wonder what on earth was the reason I had desired to go down that road? I now believe it had something to do with that very first sexually abusive relationship, which encouraged me to see myself as a sexual object, and where he completely sexualised every part of me. I still don't completely understand how it's had an affect on me, except I know it definately DID have a massive effect on the way I've 'turned out'.

Cashmere Star
07-17-2015, 01:29 AM
I think most sex workers been through difficult times in life, not necessarily sexual abuse. It's easy to stick to social mores when life is dandy and you're comfortable, but once you realize how hard it is, you'll have more of a "fuck it" and "why not" attitude when it comes to all the "no no" jobs that have high returns in exchange of social reputation. Not because it's related to sex. Like, if you're a single mom, you'll find that making enough money and spending time with your kid is more important than "what will everyone think about me". Why stick to social mores when they have failed to protect you from discomforts in life?

I don't think I ever would've considered stripping if my life was comfortable, for example. But after experiencing life, knowing shit happens, what people think of me and "is this moral" matter less than having the bucks in my hands and having more time to pursue what I want.

MyRealNameIsWeird
07-17-2015, 04:43 AM
I think most sex workers been through difficult times in life, not necessarily sexual abuse. It's easy to stick to social mores when life is dandy and you're comfortable, but once you realize how hard it is, you'll have more of a "fuck it" and "why not" attitude when it comes to all the "no no" jobs that have high returns in exchange of social reputation. Not because it's related to sex. Like, if you're a single mom, you'll find that making enough money and spending time with your kid is more important than "what will everyone think about me". Why stick to social mores when they have failed to protect you from discomforts in life?

I don't think I ever would've considered stripping if my life was comfortable, for example. But after experiencing life, knowing shit happens, what people think of me and "is this moral" matter less than having the bucks in my hands and having more time to pursue what I want.

Also, if you think about it, choosing sex work is an open-minded and risky choice. So there will probably be more sex workers who engage in risky behaviour with an open mind. You know, the sort of behaviour that does result in a few emotional and physical bumps and bruises, if nothing else. We were the sort of teens who went goth when it wasn't cool to be different, who stole alcohol because why should the grownups have all the fun and, yes, before we knew better the sort of teens who hung around the sort of guy who would treat us badly. But we're also a lot richer for these experiences and for having this attitude. The "let's give it a shot" mentality is also how we came across this work, maybe even how we met our best friends and partners or how we moved house or decided our degrees. You can't choose which risks will come good, though, can you? But at least most of the time it works out.

SimoneGray
07-17-2015, 06:13 AM
I've always had this rather dark, deviant sexual side to myself. I call it my "sex animal" simply because I've always been more interested in the sexual aspects of life and how those drive and affect people. Weirdly enough, I associate sex now, with meaning, when I was younger I didn't.

It was primarily because of this inner sex animal that when sex work presented itself to me I gave it a shot. before that I was a theater performer so being in front of people and doing crazy shit was kinda always my jam. I found I took to sex work like a fish in water because of the animal and my general personality. I was never ever sexually abused as a child or at any other stage of my life bar one serious assault that happened when I was 20 and that I dealt with way before finding sex work.

I really think it depends on the personality you have, what you are curious about exploring and how far you like to push boundaries. Of course there will always be those people that do find sex work due to some trauma, but definitely not all of us, I do think that that is a blanket and very unfair stereotype that needs to be stopped since it heavily influences the way men treat us.

Elektra Luxx
07-17-2015, 06:22 AM
I really think it depends on the personality you have, what you are curious about exploring and how far you like to push boundaries. Of course there will always be those people that do find sex work due to some trauma, but definitely not all of us, I do think that that is a blanket and very unfair stereotype that needs to be stopped since it heavily influences the way men treat us.

Again, I love this forum and the wonderful ladies of SW. Only a person that has done sex work can really understand another sex worker, very well said Simone.

kaninchen
07-17-2015, 04:18 PM
I mean... I was sexually assaulted as a child. It was pretty terrible. I'm sure it's why I have some mental health issues now. But, to be blunt, I'm a sex worker because I love money and doing my own thing, and I don't give a fuck what other people think. Correlation isn't causation!

Honestly, my motivation to begin stripping was identical to my motivation to join the Army. Yet you'd never see someone claiming, "Wahh, young men only join the military because they were abused! Anyone who would want to go to war is necessarily damaged!" But logically, volunteering to kill and be killed is quite a bit more extreme than volunteering to take your clothes off. It's just more misogyny presenting itself as criticism of women and their choices.

Optimist
07-18-2015, 05:25 AM
I mean... I was sexually assaulted as a child. It was pretty terrible. I'm sure it's why I have some mental health issues now. But, to be blunt, I'm a sex worker because I love money and doing my own thing, and I don't give a fuck what other people think. Correlation isn't causation!

Honestly, my motivation to begin stripping was identical to my motivation to join the Army. Yet you'd never see someone claiming, "Wahh, young men only join the military because they were abused! Anyone who would want to go to war is necessarily damaged!" But logically, volunteering to kill and be killed is quite a bit more extreme than volunteering to take your clothes off. It's just more misogyny presenting itself as criticism of women and their choices.

Abused men often want to go into law enforcement but society doesn't stay pressed trying to pathologize the propensity or assume that every person in that field is also an abuse survivor. If anything being abused would make most wary of stripping and clubs full of drunk guys. I think youth plus looks plus financial instability is the formula for creating a stripper. If 1 out of 4 women are sexually abused that's about 40 million women yet there are nowhere near 4o million women stripping. Their logic doesn't hold up.

simone87
07-18-2015, 03:28 PM
i dont think there are more women who have been sexually abused in this industry, but i think we are a lot more open about it, and strippers are just more open in general and honest. i think a lot of men like to think that because of the whole *women who are abused turn into raging nymphos who crave sexual attention from males, why else would a woman go into the sex industry, duh!* mentality? I'm not sure.
i think a lot of us have had hard lives without much family support, but i certainly known well-off daddy's girls who stripped.

Optimist
07-18-2015, 03:56 PM
i think a lot of men like to think that because of the whole *women who are abused turn into raging nymphos who crave sexual attention from males, why else would a woman go into the sex industry, duh!* mentality? I'm not sure.


I think that that pernicious stereotype reveals a lot more about the men eager to believe than the women they project it onto.

EastCoastDancer01
07-18-2015, 06:33 PM
I was not sexually abused ever (thank god), but I dealt with a lot of emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse. I had such low self esteem because of it and stripping helped me feel more in control and confident with myself. I knew a handful of dancers who were sexually abused as children, but in most cases, girls get into this field of work because they are in a bad place financially and dont have many other options. I did not get into dancing because I needed the self esteem boost (although I did get that anyway). I did it because I was broke, unemployed, and just broke up with boyfriend who supported me financially.

xStacey
07-19-2015, 12:40 AM
I wasn't sexually abused but consulted a therapist many years ago who suggested I might me working in the sex industry looking for the love and affection I did not get in my childhood, and don't get at home/in my personal life. I don't know how true that is but I do enjoy the attention I get and making thousands at the same time doesn't hurt ;)

Bahuba
07-19-2015, 04:58 AM
Here is some data:

The majority of sex workers enjoy their job - why should we find that surprising?
http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/the-majority-of-sex-workers-enjoy-their-job--why-should-we-find-that-surprising-10083175.html


https://metranet.londonmet.ac.uk/research-units/iset/projects/esrc-migrant-workers.cfm

The studies above detail the reasons people choose sex work; of course it is not that they were abused victims who have lost their way, which is a false social narrative. It is apparently mostly a financial choice.

I'm sure many people take their jobs for financial reasons. Who would work at McDonalds for free? The real problem for sex workers, as illustrated by the above data, is the social stigma. As well, many have been abused by police.

Aurora_Sunset
07-20-2015, 07:28 AM
I was never abused. But I will honestly say that there's probably something there from my first several experiences with men/dating as well as being a boring wallflower in my youth that made me more prone to enjoy the attention and glamour I feel in the sex industry. But that's a whole different issue and not one I'm particularly ashamed of either.

Every girl I've ever known who confessed to me that she was abused are not the ones who went off and stripped - they're my friends who settled down and got married/had kids young or serially jump from live-in boyfriend to live-in boyfriend. I'm not about to make some grand assumption off of this, but they all went on to either perfectly socially normal lives or possibly crave that attention, but in a totally socially normal way. None of them would ever consider sex work. I think it's way more common for women who are seeking some sort of attention - for whatever their reasons or background may be - to do so in the form of serial dating, settling down quickly, and always claiming they're in love right away because they can't stand being alone - I definitely don't think it's the "norm" for them to turn to the detached emotional world of stripping or sex work in order to gain attention - that seems backwards if you really think about it.

Either way, everyone has their reasons, and even if they're "sad" reasons, that doesn't make their decision inherently bad or anyone else's business.

charlie61
08-03-2015, 05:32 PM
There's also a huge difference between saying "A higher proportion of sex workers have been abused than women in the general population" and "Sex workers began working in the industry because they were abused." Just wanted to clarify that my comment above was directed at the former.

eagle2
08-03-2015, 06:52 PM
It's my guess that the main reason people become sex workers or adult entertainers is because they can make more money doing it, than doing anything else. I doubt there are any doctors or lawyers with 6 figure incomes that leave their profession to become sex workers or adult entertainers, but I'm sure there are a few that did that type of work when they were going through school. I know someone in the industry that is going to one of the top laws schools in the US.

Daniellaa
08-03-2015, 07:05 PM
I've never been sexually abused but I have the absentee father that everyone likes to associate with my stripping or any thing that ever goes wrong in a relationship that im in or any revealing piece of clothing that I wear }:D I'm just looking for love, obviously. In a strip club of all places. And every guy I date I'm either with because he's so different from my father and I'm trying to rebel and be with the opposite of my father, or he shares a trait or two with him and I'm dating a guy who is just like my father to try to get the love from him that I never had growing up :O