View Full Version : Why Men Love Bitches - This Sh*t REALLY works
Lacy Luck
02-20-2011, 02:25 PM
This whole thread goes to show that we are the ones who love assholes. Each of us is young, hot, every week we turn down hundreds of men, yet we all got sprung on the ONE dude who wasn't that into us. Hell, I am so guilty of this. I just bought the book, maybe its possible to flip the script....
BlondyJJJ
02-20-2011, 08:58 PM
angel, i really think you need to drop both of those guys. they r messing with your mind and its not healthy. I think you need to write them off and get a dog, cat someone or something that can produce unconditional love which is good for the soul
xo
AngelCummings
02-22-2011, 11:25 AM
angel, i really think you need to drop both of those guys. they r messing with your mind and its not healthy. I think you need to write them off and get a dog, cat someone or something that can produce unconditional love which is good for the soul
xo
ok, thanks :)
xGigi
03-06-2011, 04:08 PM
this book really works if you don't just do the physical part of it (ignoring the guy's calls, not calling him for a week, telling him you have other plans, etc) you REALLY need to focus on the mental part of it.
yeah, you can will yourself to not call a guy for a week, but it won't do you any good if you're obsessing over when it's safe to call him.
I've completely turned around my relationship with my boyfriend in the last month because I focus on myself, my friends, and my family FIRST. I keep busy and I don't obsess as much. he's on my mind a lot, but I won't say so. I leave my phone at home to make it easier to focus on my present company and sometimes I come home and have a few missed calls from him.
I love my boyfriend to death, he's amazing, but he's still a guy. if I bend over backwards for him, he's gonna take me for granted.
I found that what works for me is to keep it in perspective. if I find myself centering all my thoughts around him, I step back and remember that I love him, but he's NOT the only guy in the world. I love him, but he may not be the love of my life. I love him, but I've loved other men before him and there may be others after him and I won't know.
since I've changed the way I act, he's changed SO much. I'm in a long-distance relationship, he lives 4 hours away and basically have opposite work schedules so we don't get to see each other much, but he wants to move closer to me eventually since he has family in my town so we decided to pursue this relationship. we get along REALLY well and the relationship is actually really good.
so anyway, I basically used to call him EVERY day several times a day and if I didn't hear from him for 2 or 3 days I would panic and cry and when I got ahold of him I'd be like "omg I missed you SO much I love you babyyy where have you been these past few days???" I don't do this anymore. I act as nonchalant as possible. I don't call everyday or even every other day. I call as little as possible. when he initiates phone calls a few days in a row or I wake up with a missed call from him, I call ONCE and if he doesn't answer I leave a quick message saying something like "hey! miss you! hope you're doing well, talk to you later". short and sweet. nothing that sounds desperate, and I never say "call me back". I act like I don't really care one way or another.
now he calls me whenever he gets the chance. he's way more attentive. I keep him on his toes and he's genuinely afraid to lose me. he's not obsessive, he still hangs out with his friends and does his guy things, but I do get a text or two every so often that's like "I miss you :( call me please!!!" and sometimes he'll say to call him at a specific time and I do...about half the time.
today I was on the phone with him after getting a TON of messages on skype and he was like "wow I haven't talked to you in FOREVER" and I was like "yeah I was kinda busy" and he was like "aw..what were you doing? I tried calling you...I missed you" and it just melted my heart how much he cares
as mean as it is, I bring out his insecurities. if I reschedule plans, he acts like a hurt little puppy and is like "you still want to be with me right?" whenever we talk or hang out I'm VERY sweet to him. I think because of this he values my time more.
I think finding the right balance will keep him hooked on you. if you ignore ALL of his phone calls, he'll eventually give up. let him chase you, catch you, and then chase you again.
TwirlGirl
03-06-2011, 07:24 PM
This is how to land a "boy" not a man. If you're looking for something serious, acting like you don't care is only going to tell you man one thing: I don't care.
He'll find somebody who does.
xGigi
03-07-2011, 01:34 AM
This is how to land a "boy" not a man. If you're looking for something serious, acting like you don't care is only going to tell you man one thing: I don't care.
He'll find somebody who does.
it's not about acting like you don't care, it's about showing that you're not clingy. be available, but not too available.
the book explains that in order to earn a man's respect, you have to be sweet to him, but don't nag him if he doesn't call you when he says he will. act like you don't care about the LITTLE things.
it's directed at girls who bend over backwards for a man that they hardly know. when you first meet a guy, you SHOULD act like you don't care, because in the beginning, he should be impressing YOU.
I honestly think it's full of great advice. it doesn't advise you to act like you don't care about your S.O. once you're in a serious relationship. it's more like love him, but love yourself too and be independent.
Kisca
03-07-2011, 02:42 AM
I never understood why females head over heels for men they first meet. Its cool and all.. but dont show him. Better yet dont feel it, until it gets into serious terms.. I see so many girls whine and bitch over such little things that their bfs/hubbys do.. its a joke at times. I always think its best to remain independent in the start. It doesnt mean you love being a bitch, or being a cold hearted female, or that you want ignore him - it just shows how to remain yourself and not get lost in HIS world.
xGigi
03-07-2011, 08:35 AM
I never understood why females head over heels for men they first meet. Its cool and all.. but dont show him. Better yet dont feel it, until it gets into serious terms.. I see so many girls whine and bitch over such little things that their bfs/hubbys do.. its a joke at times. I always think its best to remain independent in the start. It doesnt mean you love being a bitch, or being a cold hearted female, or that you want ignore him - it just shows how to remain yourself and not get lost in HIS world.
some girls are just extremely lonely. they don't think they can fill the void in their life with their friends or by treating themselves with respect. they feel that a good man would truly solve all their problems.
I've been the girl who falls head over heels for a guy she just met more times than I'd like to admit. it's definitely gotten better now, but I had to work on my attitude towards dating. I used to be extremely clingy and needy.
some girls suffer a constant feeling of loneliness and they hope every guy they meet is going to be their be-all end-all relationship so they don't HAVE to work on their relationships with friends and they don't HAVE to work on their real inner problems and self esteem issues. a guy acts nice at first so the girl comes into the relationship with HUGE expectations. they think "oh he's so perfect I want to be with him forever I've never met someone who treats me so well". they drop their whole life and spend every waking second thinking about their boyfriend and then they expect the guy to reciprocate because....well why wouldn't he? she's being so nice and bending over backwards for him constantly, he should want a girl who cares so much about him to be with him forever! she doesn't realize that this isn't rational thinking. she thinks it's perfectly ok to rush into things because she likes the guy SO much and needs it to work. all of her happiness now depends on this guy. he makes that empty feeling go away. is it love or is it loneliness? she has NO idea.
I've definitely been guilty of this. most of my relationships in high school didn't last longer than a month because I was so clingy. then when I was 18 I dated this guy from school. we had a lot of similar interests and things were going pretty well. even though we weren't together for that long we spent a LOT of time together, I went to his house almost everyday, I had met all his friends and they liked me, his parents loved me, he even said he loved me and I thought we were on the same page. around christmas we had been dating for like 4 months and I asked him for a promise ring and he said no way. I was so shocked that he didn't want to commit himself to me as much as I wanted to commit to him. I mean, he was so nice and good looking he HAD to be the one...that's how you feel when you're lonely. unfortunately I didn't realize that even though we spent so much time together, whenever he wasn't with me he was with his friends or family. I would just sit and watch tv and think about him. I didn't have my own life. he broke up with me a week before christmas and gave me a book and a box of candy. I ended up dropping like 200 dollars on his present, I don't remember exactly what I got him, but it was a BUNCH of things. I thought if I gave him his present anyway he would see how much I cared and take me back. he didn't.
I used to obsess over boyfriends and I honestly didn't see it as clingy or dependent. I just wanted my dream relationship. I didn't focus on spending much time with my friends. it didn't give me as much pleasure as I felt when I was with a boyfriend. spending time pampering myself and going to the gym didn't feel as good as dating so I spent all my time looking for the right guy. whenever a guy broke up with me, I had a new boyfriend in a week or less. I couldn't stand to be single.
the funny thing is, I didn't realize how unhealthy it was. even with the constant feeling of pain from the realizations that my boyfriends didn't care about me as much as I cared for them and always feeling neglected and rejected. I honestly thought it was the guy with the problem, not me. I figured one day I would find a guy that appreciated the way I cared for him.
my therapist told me that girls who are clingy usually have daddy issues and that's definitely true in my case and I noticed that it's also the case for every single one of my friends who does the same thing in relationships. that lack of male attention is really damaging.
fortunately, you can change the way you act towards men and you can change your attitude, it just takes time and work. not everyone is naturally secure with themselves. sometimes a bad upbringing can really fuck you up and it shows in different ways with different people. some people turn to drinking or drugs, some people develop eating disorders, some people self harm, and some people develop dependency issues.
Kellydancer
03-07-2011, 12:43 PM
some girls are just extremely lonely. they don't think they can fill the void in their life with their friends or by treating themselves with respect. they feel that a good man would truly solve all their problems.
I've been the girl who falls head over heels for a guy she just met more times than I'd like to admit. it's definitely gotten better now, but I had to work on my attitude towards dating. I used to be extremely clingy and needy.
some girls suffer a constant feeling of loneliness and they hope every guy they meet is going to be their be-all end-all relationship so they don't HAVE to work on their relationships with friends and they don't HAVE to work on their real inner problems and self esteem issues. a guy acts nice at first so the girl comes into the relationship with HUGE expectations. they think "oh he's so perfect I want to be with him forever I've never met someone who treats me so well". they drop their whole life and spend every waking second thinking about their boyfriend and then they expect the guy to reciprocate because....well why wouldn't he? she's being so nice and bending over backwards for him constantly, he should want a girl who cares so much about him to be with him forever! she doesn't realize that this isn't rational thinking. she thinks it's perfectly ok to rush into things because she likes the guy SO much and needs it to work. all of her happiness now depends on this guy. he makes that empty feeling go away. is it love or is it loneliness? she has NO idea.
I've definitely been guilty of this. most of my relationships in high school didn't last longer than a month because I was so clingy. then when I was 18 I dated this guy from school. we had a lot of similar interests and things were going pretty well. even though we weren't together for that long we spent a LOT of time together, I went to his house almost everyday, I had met all his friends and they liked me, his parents loved me, he even said he loved me and I thought we were on the same page. around christmas we had been dating for like 4 months and I asked him for a promise ring and he said no way. I was so shocked that he didn't want to commit himself to me as much as I wanted to commit to him. I mean, he was so nice and good looking he HAD to be the one...that's how you feel when you're lonely. unfortunately I didn't realize that even though we spent so much time together, whenever he wasn't with me he was with his friends or family. I would just sit and watch tv and think about him. I didn't have my own life. he broke up with me a week before christmas and gave me a book and a box of candy. I ended up dropping like 200 dollars on his present, I don't remember exactly what I got him, but it was a BUNCH of things. I thought if I gave him his present anyway he would see how much I cared and take me back. he didn't.
I used to obsess over boyfriends and I honestly didn't see it as clingy or dependent. I just wanted my dream relationship. I didn't focus on spending much time with my friends. it didn't give me as much pleasure as I felt when I was with a boyfriend. spending time pampering myself and going to the gym didn't feel as good as dating so I spent all my time looking for the right guy. whenever a guy broke up with me, I had a new boyfriend in a week or less. I couldn't stand to be single.
the funny thing is, I didn't realize how unhealthy it was. even with the constant feeling of pain from the realizations that my boyfriends didn't care about me as much as I cared for them and always feeling neglected and rejected. I honestly thought it was the guy with the problem, not me. I figured one day I would find a guy that appreciated the way I cared for him.
my therapist told me that girls who are clingy usually have daddy issues and that's definitely true in my case and I noticed that it's also the case for every single one of my friends who does the same thing in relationships. that lack of male attention is really damaging.
fortunately, you can change the way you act towards men and you can change your attitude, it just takes time and work. not everyone is naturally secure with themselves. sometimes a bad upbringing can really fuck you up and it shows in different ways with different people. some people turn to drinking or drugs, some people develop eating disorders, some people self harm, and some people develop dependency issues.
I had a boyfriend who sounds like that. Contary to what a few think (including the person who called me clingy) I have never been a clingy person. However, when people are lonely and meet someone they think is great they tend to drop a lot to be with that person which can be dangerous. I've had a few relationships where we spent a lot of time together at first then it fizzled.
livingdeadgirl
03-09-2011, 07:44 AM
after reading through all the posts, I think I need to read this.
Kellydancer
03-09-2011, 05:07 PM
I just reserved this book at the library. Yet another person suggested it so I'll check it out. I normally hate self help books but my life is a wreck and anything to get a man is something I'll do.
Lacy Luck
03-09-2011, 05:14 PM
It really helped me. I thought I was in looooove with this ugly, broke, stupid, asshole and could not understand WHY or HOW he could possible not want MEEEEEE. This book explains it all!!!! The cold harsh dirty truth. After the initial shock of realizing what a desperate, easy display I had made of myself, everything just made sense.
I felt like crying for 2 days and now I am so over it. Its like I found my bad-ass self again. Obsessing over a dude was the worst thing I ever did to myself. Yuck yuck yuck. PLEASE, read this, if you have ever been that girl!
Kellydancer
03-09-2011, 05:35 PM
It really helped me. I thought I was in looooove with this ugly, broke, stupid, asshole and could not understand WHY or HOW he could possible not want MEEEEEE. This book explains it all!!!! The cold harsh dirty truth. After the initial shock of realizing what a desperate, easy display I had made of myself, everything just made sense.
I felt like crying for 2 days and now I am so over it. Its like I found my bad-ass self again. Obsessing over a dude was the worst thing I ever did to myself. Yuck yuck yuck. PLEASE, read this, if you have ever been that girl!
That sounds like me with my last experience. I refuse to be like that again once I heal. How could an ugly broke stupid asshole not want a hot girl makes no sense to me.
DesuvsDeath
03-09-2011, 06:15 PM
I've completely turned around my relationship with my boyfriend in the last month because I focus on myself, my friends, and my family FIRST. I keep busy and I don't obsess as much.
It's important not to center your life 100% around your SO. Sustaining lives outside of each other gives you more to talk about and makes your time more special than if you're around 24/7.
That said... I think that's really about the only thing good about this book, which is, imo... a bit childish.
Of course you shouldn't call 3x a day if you have nothing to talk about or just to be like "WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHO ARE YOU WITH!?" But if you're just missing each other and want to call... you should be able to.
You shouldn't have to pull this "don't be too available" fake like you're busy so he'll want to spend time with you more nonsense. If your SO doesn't want to spend as much time with you as you want with them... you need to reassess your relationship because it could mean you think you're in a more serious point in your relationship than he does. Or maybe you're in a LTR and just in a rut and he's sick of sitting around doing nothing and wants to go have some fun!
Personally... what helps my relationship the most and what makes my SO treat me best is being the best SO I can be... not trying to use my behavior to manipulate him into the responses I want.
But I treat my SO like I'd like him to treat me...
peachplumpear
03-11-2011, 08:42 PM
xGigi your pattern is so similar to mine! I had to "thank" you for sharing it :) My step mom is trying to talk me into seeing a therapist right now lol. A long string of obsessions turned boyfriends turned exes. No focus on myself or my real life just each new boyfriend. ANd the drama and chaos that ensues as I realize OMG he didn't love me for ME or something!!
I usually don't get dumped though I just make such unrealistic demands on them that they balk and I have a reason to be hurt and dejected at their lack of TRUE LOVE and commitment towards me. After my last/current relationship though I just don't think I can keep on this way! Of course it's easy to say that now. But I feel like I need a dating intervention and a strong support of IRL and maybe online too people that can keep me from just shacking up with the next loser who sideways smiles at me....
My other prong of attack is to keep in touch with my dad better even though he makes me super mad sometimes.
SORRY if this seemed like a thread jack I'm just assuming all dysfunctional-relationship-chat can go here now hahaha (I did skim WMLB at a girlfriend's poolside one afternoon but I do not own a copy as of now)
TeeBaby
03-12-2011, 10:38 PM
I get these free email subscriptions from some lady who sales some "dating"/relationship advice which actually makes me want to pay the just to see what it is. Basically like some of us have admitted we love to love and want to do whatever we can for a guy.
She's saying that just exuding feminine energy, not doing something for a guy unless he asks and you want to, keeping yourself busy with life (the hard part for me). Apparently guys can pick up the desperate, clingy, needy, i want to be in love vibe from us as soon as we have some type of communication with them and right then they put us in a category. Some of these guys become our boyfriends, but only because it's a title that keeps us happy and in return gets them the benefits. The guys may not even want it to be long term. Etc.
So basically be more diva, less bitchy, less my life revolves around him. I'm loving these free emails I get from her site though. I'll post if anyone wants to know.
she sells sanctuary
03-13-2011, 09:08 PM
^ the fun thing is that guys don't necessarily pick up on a girl being needy or clingy or whatever. i've had a bunch of guys over the years tell me they weren't looking for anything serious, didn't want to hurt me, whatever. just because i have fucking manners and was good at polite conversation, which apparently meant i was a pushover desperate to please them so they'd marry me. as far as i can tell, most men are absolutely insane little boys who really believe they're hot shit and every girl they meet wants to get married to them right now. i blame the media, all the movies of crazy chicks desperate for some loser, or the bunny cooking or whatever.
all the more reason to act like a selfish bitch.
Amy Lee
03-13-2011, 09:17 PM
I purchased the book as well about 3 years ago and yes it is true.
The author Argrove, (or something like that) wrote a great book and it does work!!!
My favorite quote from the book is : "Familiarity breeds contempt."
Basically the book teaches to have your OWN identity outside of the relationship and this is actually a turn on to secure or the "average" man.
She has a second book called: "Why Men Marry Bitches", I have it but haven't really sat down to read it yet.
Amy Lee
03-13-2011, 09:19 PM
^ the fun thing is that guys don't necessarily pick up on a girl being needy or clingy or whatever. i've had a bunch of guys over the years tell me they weren't looking for anything serious, didn't want to hurt me, whatever. just because i have fucking manners and was good at polite conversation, which apparently meant i was a pushover desperate to please them so they'd marry me. as far as i can tell, most men are absolutely insane little boys who really believe they're hot shit and every girl they meet wants to get married to them right now. i blame the media, all the movies of crazy chicks desperate for some loser, or the bunny cooking or whatever.
all the more reason to act like a selfish bitch.
I agree...Most men act this way no matter what color, background and even religion! That damn testosterone...lmao:P
Kellydancer
03-13-2011, 09:24 PM
^ the fun thing is that guys don't necessarily pick up on a girl being needy or clingy or whatever. i've had a bunch of guys over the years tell me they weren't looking for anything serious, didn't want to hurt me, whatever. just because i have fucking manners and was good at polite conversation, which apparently meant i was a pushover desperate to please them so they'd marry me. as far as i can tell, most men are absolutely insane little boys who really believe they're hot shit and every girl they meet wants to get married to them right now. i blame the media, all the movies of crazy chicks desperate for some loser, or the bunny cooking or whatever.
all the more reason to act like a selfish bitch.
Agreed. I've always been nice to guys and have had guys tell me that. In most cases I had no interest in them whatsoever. I've never been clingy to men yet some of these losers thought I wanted them because I was nice. I think it's because most men are jerks anyway.
Amy Lee
03-13-2011, 09:24 PM
Not sure what to make of this book (or any book that instructs you to adapt an attitude other than being yourself).
If you find your man is not respecting you or the relationship, its best to call it quits...there are too many men out there to put up with that.
Its seems that the title of this book is misleading...and should probably read..."respecting yourself....why men will love you more!"
Being a bitch is not necessarily a good course of action to take...nor is game playing. I have lost a few good guys who told me to take a hike after being over the top with "attitude."
Every action results in an equal counter action....this is the way the universe works.
Why not just be yourself and love you for who you are...and if you guy doesn't click with you anymore...just get another one.
I agree with what you said about self-love, but THIS book really isn't about playing games per say. The author is basically telling you how to see through some bullsh*t, to love yourself, and to recognize some things that ALL women miss from time to time. I am by no means a woman that lets a man do whatever, nor do I chase guys, but I am telling you some of the things written in this book and the quotes that she uses are great. It isn't all about game playing.
When she say's "Bitch" she is talking about standing up for yourself and loving yourself...not being mean or being a man-juggling harlot...lol..it's an interesting read.
Amy Lee
03-13-2011, 09:27 PM
Men do pick up on if you are needy...by the way you call them, email, FB, asking why they haven't called, etc...and SOME of them will use this against you or to their advantage...when they notice that neediness.
Kellydancer
03-13-2011, 09:30 PM
Men do pick up on if you are needy...by the way you call them, email, FB, asking why they haven't called, etc...and SOME of them will use this against you or to their advantage...when they notice that neediness.
But some men think ALL women want them. Next guy I date I am going the opposite and pretending (or perhaps I won't be) not to be interested. In fact I am going to take them for everything. Men love that.
TeeBaby
03-13-2011, 10:55 PM
Men do pick up on if you are needy...by the way you call them, email, FB, asking why they haven't called, etc...and SOME of them will use this against you or to their advantage...when they notice that neediness.
That is true. I'm FB friends with a very fine guy who is a club promoter. I have a little internet crush on him (he stays 3 hours away). Of course he has a shitload of female FB friends who live in his city and everytime he posts a status there are like 30 girls quick to Like or comment. I can't hate because I'm reading those same statuses. Some girls are his actual friends, but you can tell which ones are the girls trying to jump his bones. And yesterday he had to tell off one of the girls. I don't like or comment his stuff anymore, I just get lost in others' :-[. team atinybitjealousilivesofaraway
whirlerz
03-27-2011, 12:02 PM
Not sure what to make of this book (or any book that instructs you to adapt an attitude other than being yourself).
If you find your man is not respecting you or the relationship, its best to call it quits...there are too many men out there to put up with that.
Its seems that the title of this book is misleading...and should probably read..."respecting yourself....why men will love you more!"
Being a bitch is not necessarily a good course of action to take...nor is game playing. I have lost a few good guys who told me to take a hike after being over the top with "attitude."
Every action results in an equal counter action....this is the way the universe works.
Why not just be yourself and love you for who you are...and if you guy doesn't click with you anymore...just get another one.
This is by FAR one of the best things I've read!^ Hell, I may make it my new signature!;)
Kellydancer
03-27-2011, 01:31 PM
I'm going to get this book at the library and while I am skeptical I will look at it. However, I am noticing something interesting and that is I am now at my "don't care" phase and guys are swarming towards me. I am going to have this attitude when I go to the singles group and see if it works then.
Kellydancer
03-27-2011, 09:36 PM
Hmmm, this doesn't make sense to me. What do you mean?
Basically, let them spoil me. I've always been one for equality but I think if I play blase at first the guy will show me he's interested by buying flowers and things like that, instead of me spending money (yep I've done that).
circe221
04-11-2011, 06:14 PM
This is, hands down, one of THE BEST books out there.
After going through a bad breakup in the fall, a friend recommended this book to me. I read it cover to cover 3 times, and got a lot out of it. Basically, I realized how badly my ex, and my ex before that, took me for granted.
I would also say that I am not one for game-playing or pretending to be something that I'm not. But I don't think the book was about either of these things. I found it empowering, and now that I am trying to get back on the dating scene, I have an entirely new outlook on what I will/will not put up with, and how to put ME, not a MAN first at all times!
Highly recommend this book! There is also "Why Men Marry Bitches", I want to get that one too!
circe221
04-11-2011, 06:17 PM
Oh, and I just wanted to add, the title is a bit of a misnomer. I don't necessarily think anything in the book designates "bitch", just putting yourself first. And yes, it does bother me a bit that putting yourself first in a relationship would be considered or labelled "bitch" behavior, but it really is a good book with sound advice.
AngelCummings
04-18-2011, 04:41 PM
I'm currently halfway through the book. I'm not even done with it but it has already started to change my life, and I'm loving it! :D
I didn't really realize how much of a "nice", needy girl I was. Pretty much every single thing she said NOT to do is what I've been doing since I was 14 lol. Whenever I've been single people have always asked me why because I'm a very smart girl, have a bright professional career ahead of me, and am told I'm beautiful/sexy/attractive on a regular basis (and most of us here are anyway or we wouldnt be camgirls and strippers lol). But I've learned the hardway that a lot of it really is about playing the game, attitude, confidence, letting them chase you, being mysterious. I've been taking notes, so I can't wait to share with you all what I've learned and how I'm applying it once I have finished this book!
Kisca
04-19-2011, 01:58 AM
Im kinda against these sorta books... But I am considering it of reading it.. Doesnt mean Ill agree since Im so stubborn. But Im interested to see what the author has to say....
Kellydancer
08-07-2011, 02:22 PM
I am bumping this because I saw it at the library and finished it today. My opinion of the book is this: Most of it makes complete sense such as have your own life. This is something a woman should always do. However, I disagree with the parts about letting a man be a man. I hate gender roles and why this section was in an otherwise book telling women not to be doormats. I also disagree with playing hard to get. There is a difference between not being a doorstep and just playing hard to get.
I would never give up my life for a man but if I was to marry him both of us would have to compromise life wise.
Vyanka
08-07-2011, 03:15 PM
Even with the nicest guys, you still gotta be a little bitchy bc even the nice ones will take advantage. I want to get this book. I have yet to read it, and I think I already do some of the things already listed.
Kellydancer
08-07-2011, 04:23 PM
Yes you do need to be bitchy so a man doesn't use you. By bitchy I am referring to what the book calls a bitch, not what society calls a bitch. Another thing I agree with the book about is how it stressed don't have sex too early. I think this is a mistake many women make, including myself. I know when I avoid sex for awhile an interesting happens. Guys who want relationship stick around and those guys who don't disappear. I've seen this since I've made the vow to abstain. I get a better class of men.
There is one section especially that reminds me of stripping and this part mentions never giving up a job for a man. In the past I briefly gave up dancing for a man and I regretted it. I eventually dumped him and went back to dancing. However, I've seen women give up careers for men and I always ask why. This is one thing I'd never do now, not even if I had kids (which is another topic entirely). Why these women give up careers for men they are dating or even married to without kids makes me wonder. I'd hate to have to depend on a man financially.
PleasureVictim
08-07-2011, 06:17 PM
I've read it cover to cover, and I am a fan. Most of the more desperate actions I have not done, but I notice than I can cater and take care of a guy more than I should. I still think it should be done, but for a special occasion or something to that effect.
Just last night I had someone tell me they found themselves wondering why I don't text or call. He said he tried to hold out, but always gave in and then sent a text to me. I laughed to myself and thought of the book immediately.
I wasn't even applying the book to him, he's someone I'm pretty much bored with and I'm preparing my exit. It does go to show how when you are (or even just look) busy, they are left wondering and if they are interested enough, they will want to know what's up.
He also found out I went on a date recently, now he wants to 'do something special' with me when he visits. Never mentioned that before....wonder why? lol
innes
08-09-2011, 11:12 AM
Being a bitch totally works. That being said - being nice *can* work too. I got both my boyfriends (my ex and current) from being nice. Anyway, whenever I get hit on, I don't act interested (because I'm not) and then I sometimes act mean if the guy gets annoying. And they are ALL OVER ME! It's freaking annoying though. But it apparently works.
Anyway, I'm totally nice to my boyfriend and he appreciates it and everything but it is not the most efficient / best way to get guys lol. Just good for some once you're in a relationship.
Amusing how it works :)
Kellydancer
08-09-2011, 11:16 AM
Being a bitch totally works. That being said - being nice *can* work too. I got both my boyfriends (my ex and current) from being nice. Anyway, whenever I get hit on, I don't act interested (because I'm not) and then I sometimes act mean if the guy gets annoying. And they are ALL OVER ME! It's freaking annoying though. But it apparently works.
Anyway, I'm totally nice to my boyfriend and he appreciates it and everything but it is not the most efficient / best way to get guys lol. Just good for some once you're in a relationship.
Amusing how it works :)
Some guys can see through being a bitch. I often tend to be nasty to guys who don't get the hint and they think I am playing hard to get. No, I am not playing hard to get I just don't like them.
Aurora_Sunset
08-09-2011, 01:11 PM
I haven't read all the responses, but I wasn't a huge fan of this book. I only read a little bit of it when I saw it on the shelf at the bookstore - I read the part about making a guy a shitty 1-star meal at home or whatever so he doesn't have high expectations or something... I just don't really like books that tell you to go against your own nature for the sake of catching a certain kind of guy. I too have noticed that guys I blow off are the ones who want me... but... I don't want a guy who just wants what he thinks he can't have. Maybe I'm unromantic and no fun, but I just don't like the idea of playing games with dating, and I try to avoid any guy who thinks that way anyway.
I think it's good advice to develop your own life so you genuinely don't place that much stock in having a guy, but if you would normally do something like cook a nice meal (if you were having a guy over to your place for dinner) then I see no point in pretending that you don't and specifically downgrading your behavior so that he can play the "game" of trying to get you to like him enough to up the ante.
I used to play the "Well, if he's not going to call me, I'm not going to call him" game with my ex-bf. It completely backfired on me because he said he could tell from me ignoring him all the time that I wasn't invested and serious about him. I don't like guys who have to play a stupid game in order to feel like you're worth it. And if you try to play games with good guys who don't need to go through it, you may end up driving them away, because there are guys out there who don't like the mind-games and fake personas.
My favorite book kinda along these lines was "Kiss My Tiara." It's not specifically a dating book, and there's some things I don't agree with, but I like her advice, and she has some funny stuff for dealing with men.
britneyireland
08-09-2011, 01:20 PM
AWESOME book!
I liked the sequel Why Men Marry Bitches even better.
innes
08-09-2011, 01:55 PM
I haven't read all the responses, but I wasn't a huge fan of this book. I only read a little bit of it when I saw it on the shelf at the bookstore - I read the part about making a guy a shitty 1-star meal at home or whatever so he doesn't have high expectations or something... I just don't really like books that tell you to go against your own nature for the sake of catching a certain kind of guy. I too have noticed that guys I blow off are the ones who want me... but... I don't want a guy who just wants what he thinks he can't have. Maybe I'm unromantic and no fun, but I just don't like the idea of playing games with dating, and I try to avoid any guy who thinks that way anyway.
I think it's good advice to develop your own life so you genuinely don't place that much stock in having a guy, but if you would normally do something like cook a nice meal (if you were having a guy over to your place for dinner) then I see no point in pretending that you don't and specifically downgrading your behavior so that he can play the "game" of trying to get you to like him enough to up the ante.
I used to play the "Well, if he's not going to call me, I'm not going to call him" game with my ex-bf. It completely backfired on me because he said he could tell from me ignoring him all the time that I wasn't invested and serious about him. I don't like guys who have to play a stupid game in order to feel like you're worth it. And if you try to play games with good guys who don't need to go through it, you may end up driving them away, because there are guys out there who don't like the mind-games and fake personas.
My favorite book kinda along these lines was "Kiss My Tiara." It's not specifically a dating book, and there's some things I don't agree with, but I like her advice, and she has some funny stuff for dealing with men.
I agree with this! I still feel like being bitchy works sometimes. It has attracted guys when I haven't meant to. (Frustrating!) Like, I actually am ignoring the guy because he's annoying and I don't like him and yet he takes this as a sign that he should keep calling/texting. Uggh.
But with my current bf ... I was pretty upfront about everything. I texted/called him, he texted/called me. We didn't play games. We were both pretty busy - full time school, work, friends, etc. Making one star meals? Mmmmm no I always make us four star meals (I'm not good enough to make five star meals lol but ehhh I try!). I'm always just like ... yeah I'm me ... I'm not about to pretend I'm someone else.
That's what I'd always do when actually looking for a relationship.
Still though ... being bitchy might work for a one night stand type thing ... if I was ever into those.
PleasureVictim
08-09-2011, 02:25 PM
The popcorn meal thing was pretty lame, I'll admit. I do understand where she is coming from. I know women who will make great dinners- what man doesn't love stuff like that. I can tell you from the guys I know- that is one SUREFIRE way to keep them coming back, calling, acting interested because they want to eat somewhere that they just have to show up and start rubbing their belly.
That doesn't guarantee a relationship though. At some point, I'm sure it can get to be too much. He's expecting a meal constantly. In my opinion, this is too much work while dating. Even if I loved to cook I would scale back. Not pretending to be someone else, but just to not get taken advantage of. At least that is how I see it.
Then again, most of the guys I've dated long term were capable of cooking their own meals and did so from time to time. Any man who expected me to cook regularly would be wasting their time. Outside of your birthday, that's a fiance/husband priviledge.
Another thing, now that my diet has changed- very few men want barley & veggies, whole wheat spaghetti, etc especially here in the collard green, fried meat, mac & cheese South. So I'm really off the hook! *giggle*
Kellydancer
08-09-2011, 04:07 PM
I agree with this! I still feel like being bitchy works sometimes. It has attracted guys when I haven't meant to. (Frustrating!) Like, I actually am ignoring the guy because he's annoying and I don't like him and yet he takes this as a sign that he should keep calling/texting. Uggh.
But with my current bf ... I was pretty upfront about everything. I texted/called him, he texted/called me. We didn't play games. We were both pretty busy - full time school, work, friends, etc. Making one star meals? Mmmmm no I always make us four star meals (I'm not good enough to make five star meals lol but ehhh I try!). I'm always just like ... yeah I'm me ... I'm not about to pretend I'm someone else.
That's what I'd always do when actually looking for a relationship.
Still though ... being bitchy might work for a one night stand type thing ... if I was ever into those.
I can't really cook beyond a few simple things so I would never make a huge dinner. Most of my exes were fantastic cooks and they loved to cook so it was never a problem. If some guy expected that I wouldn't do it at all.
I too am upfront about everything. I will tell guys that I am looking for a relationship leading to marriage EVENTUALLY. I stress the eventually because I don't want guys to think after one date I expect proposal. I usually tell them that I don't want to waste time dating someone without the same plans but this doesn't come up usually on a first date. All the books say not to do this, but in my case I need to because I am 40 so I can't wait years.
SupaByoch
08-09-2011, 10:47 PM
I haven't read the book but ya, men do love bitches. Not necessarily mean but they do not respect women who are pushovers, at all. They treat bitchier women better, in part because those women expect it, but also in part because women who are in control are attractive. Power is attractive.
Both men and women are drawn to people who are confident. Confident women are "bitches". Men love bitches! haha ;)
tropicalust
08-10-2011, 10:06 AM
So I started reading the book and I was amaze of what I read. This books is more on how to use psychology with men. Sometimes we just assume that guys have to think the same way we do, but this is not the case! Guys think completely different. So I highly recommend this book because it tells you how to improve things without anybody getting hurt. And I guess some people has misleading things here, this books is no telling you to be a completely bitch, it just tell s you that in order to improve an aspect in the relationship we have to ACT like bitches using psychology instead of "Bitching an babbling" so they can understand, once they get the message there is no need to keep acting like a bitch.
Flickdreams
08-11-2011, 03:53 AM
I love the book The Rules btw.
I was thinking the OP's points sounded like "the rules" which I read and had my man of 6yrs propose 1 year later... I'm not saying you hav to game play BUT keeping yourself fulfilled outside of a relationship gives you self respect, and self respecting women don't allow themselves to be treated poorly.
Flickdreams
08-11-2011, 03:55 AM
I'd have to read this book, bc i'm not sure how to feel about it. Part of me doesn't like to play mind games, bc I am too old for that shit. Plus you should be yourself. But, I like how it gives you tips on not to let some guys fuck with your head. Hmmm...i'd have to read it & see.
^^^this
Kellydancer
08-11-2011, 10:52 AM
I was thinking the OP's points sounded like "the rules" which I read and had my man of 6yrs propose 1 year later... I'm not saying you hav to game play BUT keeping yourself fulfilled outside of a relationship gives you self respect, and self respecting women don't allow themselves to be treated poorly.
I think the Rules does a disservice because that does play mind games. It's important to remember that one of the Rules authors got divorced so it must not have worked that well.
kthnx
08-11-2011, 11:39 PM
^ yea lol it's funny how the people who dispense dating or marriage advice, end up bein the ones who are divorced or never married lol. Reminds me of a stupid article my friend forwarded me for shits-n-giggles ridicule purposes, bout "how to get a guy to marry u"...yet the author herself was 3x divorced LMAO. that woman also gave the most ludicrous advice ever. She actualy cited KIM KARTRASHIAN as a role model for how to act like if u want to attract suitors...wtf? This was written ~1-2 yrs ago too, back when Kim was 100% single after her at time bf reggie bush wouldn't commit to her despite dating for a few yrs...meanwhile Kim was feelin broody and left out, bein single at a time that her sisters were having babies or gettin married. ::) and the author cited Kim kardashian becuz her (the author's) own son glorified Kim kardashian via sexy posters. UM being a ditzy sex object does NOT make someone marriage material in the least, ESP to a horny 13 yr old boy!!! ::)
Altho I agree with many (but not all) things in the why men love bitches book series, I also think u gotta tred carefully with some of those dating help books and consider the source.
xGigi
08-12-2011, 08:13 AM
^ yea lol it's funny how the people who dispense dating or marriage advice, end up bein the ones who are divorced or never married lol. Reminds me of a stupid article my friend forwarded me for shits-n-giggles ridicule purposes, bout "how to get a guy to marry u"...yet the author herself was 3x divorced LMAO. that woman also gave the most ludicrous advice ever. She actualy cited KIM KARTRASHIAN as a role model for how to act like if u want to attract suitors...wtf? This was written ~1-2 yrs ago too, back when Kim was 100% single after her at time bf reggie bush wouldn't commit to her despite dating for a few yrs...meanwhile Kim was feelin broody and left out, bein single at a time that her sisters were having babies or gettin married. ::) and the author cited Kim kardashian becuz her (the author's) own son glorified Kim kardashian via sexy posters. UM being a ditzy sex object does NOT make someone marriage material in the least, ESP to a horny 13 yr old boy!!! ::)
Altho I agree with many (but not all) things in the why men love bitches book series, I also think u gotta tred carefully with some of those dating help books and consider the source.
kim kardashian is like the worst role model for relationships. she's never single for more than like 5 minutes and she got engaged after 6 months of dating this football player guy who she still probably knows nothing about not to mention the fact that she's already been divorced once
Kellydancer
08-12-2011, 11:33 AM
^ yea lol it's funny how the people who dispense dating or marriage advice, end up bein the ones who are divorced or never married lol. Reminds me of a stupid article my friend forwarded me for shits-n-giggles ridicule purposes, bout "how to get a guy to marry u"...yet the author herself was 3x divorced LMAO. that woman also gave the most ludicrous advice ever. She actualy cited KIM KARTRASHIAN as a role model for how to act like if u want to attract suitors...wtf? This was written ~1-2 yrs ago too, back when Kim was 100% single after her at time bf reggie bush wouldn't commit to her despite dating for a few yrs...meanwhile Kim was feelin broody and left out, bein single at a time that her sisters were having babies or gettin married. ::) and the author cited Kim kardashian becuz her (the author's) own son glorified Kim kardashian via sexy posters. UM being a ditzy sex object does NOT make someone marriage material in the least, ESP to a horny 13 yr old boy!!! ::)
Altho I agree with many (but not all) things in the why men love bitches book series, I also think u gotta tred carefully with some of those dating help books and consider the source.
I read that article you mentioned and yes it was full of shits and giggles. Getting marriage advice from a 3x divorced woman is like getting advice on how to stay sane from Charlie Sheen. This reminds me of this book that came out a year or two ago where the author tells women (she's around my age)to just settle. Just settling doesn't help anyone and hurts two people, the man who thinks the woman loves him and the woman who doesn't love him but feels she can't do better.