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GlamourRouge
01-22-2013, 06:47 PM
yeah, but I think a lot of people get scared off by others being up front.
If you're not patient enough to wait for the person who finds your up-frontness refreshing, then you're going to have to play games.

http://www.violentacres.com/archives/100/dating-is-competitive-manipulation/

So true, I wish I could thank it 100 times.

I know what I want, but I scare off guys when I tell them. Why? Because a man subconsciously needs to know you want him because you like HIM, not just because you want a guy. And he will respect you a million times more if he feels like he won you over, versus not having to try hard to win you over. After all, as humans, we are much more proud of the things we've worked for than the things we've been handed.



To the doubters... You can't fight human instincts. I don't think the book is gameplaying in so much as a different role model of behaviour that you can choose to use or not.

I agree x100! You can't fight biology and human nature. It sucks, but it is what it is. As dancers/cammers, we should realize this already since we know that people will judge you based on what you look like. That is also biology and human nature.

GlamourRouge
01-22-2013, 06:48 PM
Recently I got called to visit a guy I'm speaking to (not yet dating). He lives in a different state. We had prior plans for me to come visit since I had another reason to be in town to see him. Those plans fell through, and we both decided it was best to wait until his schedule is clear since he works 2 jobs plus school. He calls on Tuesday to ask me if I can come see him that weekend, he will take the days off so we can spend time together. I knew it went against what I was supposed to do, but when someone has a tight schedule what other choice did I have? Was I supposed to say "No, I need more heads up."?

You can still meet up with him, just don't make him a priority. If he throws out a time, pick something an hour later and say you have something going on before that. Arrive 20-30 minutes late. Leave early. Things like that. And if you make/push the plans this time, let him do it next time. If he doesn't chase you, then he doesn't want you badly enough.

MissSassyPickles
01-22-2013, 06:51 PM
Off topic: GlamourRouge, your signature creeps me the f*ck out! I'm going to have nightmares...

PleasureVictim
01-23-2013, 09:10 PM
GLamourRouge, I love that freaking siggie! LOL

Billabong
07-15-2013, 04:21 PM
Initially I didn't think I needed such a book. I didn't think I needed to change anything or become more "difficult" to have a successful relationship. I figured it was the man's fault and I just had shitty lucky to have a stream of men who ended with identical outcomes, but I figured recently that I'd humor myself and give it a shot.

Would you imagine my horror when I realized pretty much everything Sherry says not to do as a "nice girl" I've done time and time again over the past 8 or so years I've been dating? Part of it came from a genuine place, part of it was me overcompensating because I figured what man wouldn't want a girl who cooks for him, who doesn't make many peeps when he does shit, who cares about if he made it home ok, etc. And though I've had a couple of relationships, none have ever been worthwhile or close to what I'd like for them to be and this book explained to me why. It all makes perfect sense, even why my most recent ex just suddenly grew distant and ditched me and how badly I handled it.

True it is unfortunate that women need to be "difficult" and "edgy" to keep a man's attention. You could say that men are shitty for assuming a nice girl who cares for him to be boring or a doormat, but I suppose its human nature and how they are wired these days. It's not the 1950s anymore and thing have changed and some "games" have to be played I suppose. It took me this long to realize that. And I'd be lying if I said some of the things I've done wouldn't eventually turn me off if a guy I barely knew did them for me. And funny enough, almost none of them have! Hmmm ....

I think, hope this book may change my life. Or at least help me become more successful with dating in the future.

Kellydancer
07-18-2013, 02:06 PM
If he has taken two days off than there is no reason for you to say you need more heads up. "Why Men Love Bitches" is about making sure that you don't put someone else's need ahead of your own. Basically, "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."

One of the things that I am completely confused about is when in this thread that "The Rules" and "When Men Love Bitches" started to be used interchangeably for each other.

I *hated* 'The Rules' with a fiery passion. That book made no bones about the fact that it was about playing games with other people.

I *loved* 'Why Men Love Bitches'. The book is not about game playing, it is about respecting yourself and putting yourself first.

This. I too hate the Rules and hate playing games. The Rules pushes this view you have to play games like not take their calls, etc. Game playing does not work usually and most guys I knew when a woman rejected them (even if they didn't really) moved on. The Bitch book has things I disagree with as well but believe in the idea of not catering to a man and having your own life.

Flickdreams
07-18-2013, 11:39 PM
Also, what works for me then and now are different. We evolve as we go through life/relationships and perhaps the relevancy of one 'method' fades.

I am past using anything from 'The Rules' or "...Bitches" but they had a time and a place. The ethos behind "...Bitches" does make sense to me (have your own life which inspires your passion, don't drop your life for a man). I think that if you do drop activities/hobbies from your life for a man then they can't have been true passions.

My activities/hobbies etc are not time filler until a man comes along.

Kellydancer
07-18-2013, 11:54 PM
^^^

I'm of the belief that activities, hobbies etc should not be just until a man comes along. I know several like that and don't get it at all. I have certain things I am involved with that are not changing even if I got married.

cleopatra216
04-20-2014, 10:29 AM
I think men are born hunters they like a challenge. Women too sometimes. Would you like a clingy desperate man? Staying busy is essential to emotional & mental health regardless of your relationship status. Me & a gf used to always joke that men can smell your desperation & go on the attack to use and abuse. Women are naturally more tolerant & forgiving BC of motherly instincts but you've gta have a backbone. After my last relationship I'm adopting a no bullshit policy bc we often ignore red flags in the beginning only to get deeply emotionally involved. After its over & you're hurt you realize all this could have been prevented with a little common sense. I wouldn't call it being a bitch but rather someone who commands respect & leads a life of her own that a man would want to be part of. Girl Power!!!

anonymous camgirl
04-20-2014, 10:47 AM
yea just like animals.. they smell desperation and sad, abused lives .. Like a wounded animal bleeding on the side of the street.. easy prey to be eaten alive. .. not to be sick or disgusting ...but that's about the analogy.


I think men are born hunters they like a challenge. Women too sometimes. Would you like a clingy desperate man? Staying busy is essential to emotional & mental health regardless of your relationship status. Me & a gf used to always joke that men can smell your desperation & go on the attack to use and abuse. Women are naturally more tolerant & forgiving BC of motherly instincts but you've gta have a backbone. After my last relationship I'm adopting a no bullshit policy bc we often ignore red flags in the beginning only to get deeply emotionally involved. After its over & you're hurt you realize all this could have been prevented with a little common sense. I wouldn't call it being a bitch but rather someone who commands respect & leads a life of her own that a man would want to be part of. Girl Power!!!

Kellydancer
04-20-2014, 11:17 AM
Desperation in either gender is not good. I've been encountering desperate men lately, and it's sad. Desperate people are taken advantage of.

Kaii
04-20-2014, 01:43 PM
Sad but true. I don't like playing games either, but when sb takes you for granted telling them straightforwardly won't ever work. Every time I've played "the bitch" it was because I just couldn't take that bullshit anymore. It wasn't a smart move, that was me being pissed as fucking hell for real.

SexedUpCat
06-27-2014, 08:41 PM
I try to not make it a game and be genuinely busy sometimes. It might be that I just planned an evening walk when I woke up that day, but, hey, that was my plan, so I'm genuinely too busy to go out or hang out with the guy. It always works out better in the end when I'm not always free! The one boyfriend I had who I was always free for wound up being way, way too clingy. I started bailing on him before I just ended it because he was always...there. I couldn't take it.

xcatxbrownx
09-09-2014, 10:57 AM
The key to having a good relationship is pleasing yourself first and making having fun your number one priority. If your SO wants to join in, then fuck yeah, but their presence is not required for your happiness. People just want to be free. There are really no "rules" and whatnot, it's all about making sure you are secure inside without anyone else there to validate you. People love to see secure, confident people, because that's what everyone wants in the end is for themselves to be secure and confident.

kirakonstantin
09-23-2014, 11:28 PM
The idea that women having worth, apart from their value to men, is reason for a gendered slur has got to stop.

Bitch is a gendered perjorative, no matter how its been reclaimed. It's a negative thing, abnormal, etc.

I haven't read the book, but it sounds like basically advising women not to bend to a mans whims, have a life of her own and be independent. Not "bitch" traits, but rather emotionally healthy, self respecting things. It creates a false dichotomy that women are either clingy doormats or bitches. Two very negative things, with no space in between and quite misogynistic.

Just be yourself. Enjoy your life. Stop worrying about the bullshit games or what people think about you. But, above all... value yourself enough to refuse to label yourself a bitch, only because it beats being labeled a doormat.

NightGoddess
10-08-2014, 10:38 PM
There's nothing wrong with being labeled a bitch. You are the one who gives words meaning. Bitch is a neutral word and it can mean whatever you want it to mean. Language is an interesting thing in that all of the words and sounds are essentially useless and meaningless. We just eventually all agreed on meanings for them, and with a whim, those meanings can change. And they do change from generation to generation. I'm really high right now.

Also, great book. It's kind of sad that we (sometimes) need a book to tell us to get a life outside of our men. Men should be our last priority after ourselves, our happiness and our personal betterment.

justanothercamgirl
10-13-2014, 10:29 AM
Bitch is a gendered perjorative, no matter how its been reclaimed. It's a negative thing, abnormal, etc.

According to who?

Crista-reviewmycam
11-20-2014, 09:20 AM
I've read this, and my initial reaction was LOVE... and part of me still does, but I found at times it was kind of telling you how to "change" yourself to "keep" a man, like with dos and don'ts. I honestly went between "so true!" and "wtf?!" I think if you're naturally not a "bitch," it takes a heck of a lot of work!

KikiGem
11-23-2014, 03:43 PM
This book saved my life. Before reading it, I didn't even realize how much of a fucking doormat I was. I was just being my sweet self... But men love to shit all over sweet girls... actually everybody walks all over 'nice' people. I'm very sweet to people I love, polite to people I don't, and when it comes to men- They have to prove they are worthy of being a part of my life. I'm too valuable, have too many goals, and work too hard to build my life to let some loser in and train-wreck me. I just wish I learned this a long time ago.

NightGoddess
11-23-2014, 06:41 PM
Yes! I started reading this when this guy I had been seeing suddenly dropped off the face of the earth. I realized then that I was too available. I'd let him come see me at work, which is a big no no, I think. That's my space to make money, not flirt with someone I am interested in as a boyfriend. I went to see him and texted him first a lot. Constantly asking him what he was up to... God, it was cringe worthy.

TransdimensionalPrincess
11-23-2014, 06:58 PM
I feel like this book should be given to every girl on their on 14th birthday, I wish I would have had in high school - my life would have been completely different. Its the god damn bible for single women, AND married ones!

Glamourmilf
11-24-2014, 11:45 AM
^^I agree! Or in my case, 12. (Don't ask).
Better late than never I guess.39753

SnuffleUffleGrass
12-17-2014, 05:22 PM
This is a really nasty thing to brag about but it's about a nasty mean man...so I will- I dated someone years ago who caused me a bunch of trouble with his lying and cheating. At the time I suffered a terrible loss (the death of someone close to me) so I didn't make a big deal out of the situation- I truly was so emotionally destroyed from my personal loss that a failed relationship was so tiny in comparison.

I had a chance to look him up and see if he was single years later- I did. He was so interested! I came to visit him and spent the night. He was the same old dog as always.

I turned the tables on him. I ignored texts and calls. I laughed when he texted me "Happy Valentine's Day." I forgot about him until a spam email made him think I had emailed him. He pathetically responded to the spam emailing like I had really reached out.

I emailed back, saying I was happy with my current partner and was headed to a couple's vacation in Las Vegas as a matter of fact. I tacked on a cruel remark about how I doubted he had found the same happiness I had.

He never rose to the taunt, but he admitted he was still single, still without a family. He had money and success, but his lack of character denied him all the things I enjoy- something he is painfully aware of....

TL;DR- Handled a fling like a royal bitch because of extenuating circumstances. Taught a male bitch some manners in the process.

Glamourmilf
08-15-2015, 01:48 PM
Watching how bitchy my friend is to her Sugar Daddy just goes to prove how accurate the phrase of this thread is.
I watch as she orders him around, treats him like crap, etc. She makes him run errands for her, bring her food, massage her,etc.
She says he isn't a sub, and is controlling with the money he does or does not give her, but I'm having my doubts about that.
She's a really great 'hustler', but when she forgets to come out of character and tries to boss me around to do things for her, I always have to put her in her place.
That part gets exhausting sometimes.

EllieGold
12-20-2015, 09:50 PM
I agree that men love bitches...I am a total bitch to my husband (going on 10 years being together) and he seriously can't get enough of it. I'm super bossy, controlling, make him run errands, give massages, and spoil me like a fucking princess. Kinda feel bad sometimes but most of the time, it's just feels natural to be dominant over him. :-D

Vyanka
12-21-2015, 10:13 PM
My cousin is still married to her high school sweetheart (her one and only man). She's pushing 50. Her secret to a long lasting solid marriage, in her words, "be a bit of a bitch". Lol. He loves her very much though.

Amen sista, amen.

DorkiestDancer
05-08-2016, 01:44 AM
I don't think its so much that you have to make effort to "appear"busy. But actually being busy with your own friends and interests keeps you happy and the results is not being clingy or overly available.

yup. if you're busy merely to get someone's attention, then you need to do some self introspection and ask yourself if snagging a relationship is going to make you any happier or if dating is just a distraction from realizing your full scope of dreams and potential.

SubSpace666
10-04-2016, 12:10 PM
I don't think its so much that you have to make effort to "appear"busy. But actually being busy with your own friends and interests keeps you happy and the results is not being clingy or overly available.

This all day

msjoiparker
04-29-2017, 11:12 AM
Any book by GL Lambert is an automatica YES for me. Tactics had a similar message and I enjoyed it much. Solving Single and Spartanhood are also awesome reads