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Kellydancer
09-29-2010, 10:33 PM
Nonsense. I'm in my 30s, hotter than shit, and my self-confidence increases with time. I think that is true for many MANY women (including many women on this site). A lot of confidence comes from knowing how to USE your sexuality. You become increasingly comfortable with yourself and your beauty. You learn what you want, what makes you happy. You stop trying so hard because you realize that not trying yields a better result than the desperate "oh god like me" attitude that younger women* have.

*certainly not all, so please don't be offended if you're young and not like that at all. Just making a point. :)

Yep. In my 30's I was far more confident than I was in my 20's. I was a wreck in my 20's. I was so worried about making sure I always looked good (no doubt affecting my modeling and dancing career as well). As my 40's loom (yuck) I'm sure I'll even be more confident. I get hit on by MANY younger guys, including guys in their early 20's.

she sells sanctuary
09-30-2010, 01:36 AM
^ I think the OP is mistaking a fun-loving attitude with the underlying desirable quality of naivete.

to be fair though, a lot of younger guys are looking for that too. i can't really blame him for liking that.

for all the people who want to take advantage of naivete, there are also people who want to protect it by treating those people so well they never get jaded at all. i have no idea which the op is, he hasn't given us enough information about himself.

if he wants to date younger girls, well whatever. i've known plenty who like that. i'm a cougar in training (25 is too young to be a cougar, unfortunately), so i can't really judge.

princessjas
09-30-2010, 06:54 AM
To answer the original post, I'm out of your age range, but I always get ask out by older men at bookstores and coffee shops, oh, and this one little upscale wine shop that I used to go to all the time, oh, and this little gourmet grocery, right down from where we lived. Basically, if you are fishing for a classy person, go to places where they would be. Find out the kind of woman you want, beyound age, and go to places where a girl like that would be!


As a younger woman who dates older men (and has been with a 40 year old for the past 3 years), I personally find it creepy when older men specifically seek out younger women to date. This has a lot to do with power dynamics. I've also noticed disturbing trends amongst men who specifically target younger women to date.

Maybe you should do some serious questioning as to why you want to be with a younger woman specifically. I mean, both theoretically and realistically, you could find any qualities you're looking for in both younger and older women.

I completely agree!! I love older men, but find it creepier than hell when a guy specifically hunts out a very young girl.....and this is coming from someone who calls her guy, who is in his 50's, Daddy. ;D


Precisely. I can't help but think that he simply wants a "relationship" in which he can control and purchase some young, naive thing.

At no point do you mention what other qualities you'd like in a mate. Me, I like someone with an intimidatingly high IQ and a big cock. But you know, to each his own.

This is why I wouldn't go near a guy who specifically hunted out much younger women, it seems to always be about controlling the relationship. No likey. I also find it alarming that his only real criteria seems to be 20 something and fun. I mean, what about responsible, intelligent, self sufficient, etc? Fun is important, but it should go with some other characteristics imo.


^ Why do you think it is that you have "soooooo much more in common" with 20 year olds than people your own age? I suggest that that is the problem with what you're doing. Anyone above 35 shouldn't have anything in common with the typical 20 year old.

It makes me think the OP must be as immature and dramalicious as the typical 20 something. (Not insulting all 20's, some of you on this site are very mature, I'm just saying that kind of maturity is RARE to find in a girl so young.)


@Charlie: Most 30-somethings I've met seem very one-dimensional and have already given up on their hopes and dreams. I share the same energy, freshness and youthful spirit that these 20-somethings have. And I find it intoxicating! Many also model, play sports, dance, sing, perform etc. Haven't found too many 30-somethings still involved in those pursuits. Of course, I've met a few older women defying this description, and I'm currently talking w/a super-hot 24 y.o. who seems way too jaded for her age. So there are always exceptions...

@Ibb: I like the way you think!

@Christany: Good break-down, but that's not the case at all.

1. Attorney/Entrepreneur
2. Dated eleven significantly-younger women in past 18 mos, but never had "arrangements" w/any. Seems too fake and business-oriented. Two were interested in marriage, and I would have married another in a heartbeat.
3. Any gifts were never asked for or expected, but based on genuine feelings.

@Kisca: Thanks for adding your comments. But you don't know anything about me to generalize like this. It really isn't what you think.

Why do you think 30 somethings are no fun?!?! I'm 100% more confident than I was in my 20's, which makes me 100X more outgoing, outspoken and hell, I'll just say it, I freakin rock in bed now that I'm more comfy in my own skin....plus most people think I'm 20-25. Go vegetarian diet and sunscreen!!


Nonsense. I'm in my 30s, hotter than shit, and my self-confidence increases with time. I think that is true for many MANY women (including many women on this site). A lot of confidence comes from knowing how to USE your sexuality. You become increasingly comfortable with yourself and your beauty. You learn what you want, what makes you happy. You stop trying so hard because you realize that not trying yields a better result than the desperate "oh god like me" attitude that younger women* have.

*certainly not all, so please don't be offended if you're young and not like that at all. Just making a point. :)

Couldn't agree more! I'm 34 and just coming into my own I feel! I am smokin and it's obvious by the amount of attention I get from younger men that it's not in my immagination. Hell, I spent all last semester fighting off the advances of one of my best friends who just happen to be the hottest guy in the Nursing program who was always getting hit on by all these 18 yr old girls.... and he was a lot younger than me. ;)

SuperFlyGuy
09-30-2010, 01:14 PM
@ SSS: Good reply. And I'm absolutely looking to treasure and protect their "naivete", if we're calling it that. I tend to just see it as their being fresh and unjaded. It's a quality I adore. Although I like being the man and taking the lead, I'm never "controlling" in the negative sense. And compared to the boys they're used to dating, it's something they love. I worship my women and treat them like gold. Actually, my last gf said that I'm the nicest and most attentive guy she's ever met.

@ PJ: I'll admit, if I were only looking for sex, 30-somethings usually are better. But since I'm seeking much more than that, I tend to get along better w/younger women because we usually have tons of common interests and share the same enthusiasm for life. Yes, I'm immature but very laid back and drama-free, expecting the same in who I'm dating. I've got a long list though and sometimes wish I weren't so picky. So there's A LOT more than just "20-something and fun" that I'm looking for...

Kellydancer
09-30-2010, 01:38 PM
Well, that's all fine and good. As long as everyone involved is of the legal age of consent, then you're free to partake in what you prefer. However, it seems that you have the mindset that any woman above the age of 30 has completely lost "enthusiasm for life." With this mindset, should all women at the age of 30 take a gun to their head and off themselves since SFG has rendered them all as completely useless? In that mode of thinking, you're own mother is then useless, assuming as she is around what 60-70? If you choose to have your preferences, then that's okay. However, you also need to reflect some mutual respect. You are not the declaratory god of age and usefulness.

To be honest, it seems that you are fairly past your prime as well, or maybe one of your attempted 11 trysts would have stuck around for longer than an average of 1.5 months roundabout. Your body might be picking up on their pheromones and getting "intoxicated," but perhaps too many environmental xenoestrogens might have affected your ability to send out your own. At least you have a stable career and money to fall back on if the whole attempt at a "real" relationship doesn't work out for you.


What you said is completely on the mark. It's great to see a man get it told to instead of a man. As a woman who (according to the OP) has lost my enthusiasm I've been told I've over the hill. Of course this is often followed by comments such as I should "take any guy" who seems interested or that I'll be alone.

unbeleavable
09-30-2010, 01:56 PM
^^^
You know what, my second boyfriend was almost twice my age. He owned a gym and holy shit was he fucking sexy. He just had the right chemistry and flowed with testosterone. It was me begging for him to nut on my face! Some guys just have it, that special something. Men send out pheromone signals too!

Dam..pretty hot

princessjas
09-30-2010, 04:42 PM
@ SSS: Good reply. And I'm absolutely looking to treasure and protect their "naivete", if we're calling it that. I tend to just see it as their being fresh and unjaded. It's a quality I adore. Although I like being the man and taking the lead, I'm never "controlling" in the negative sense. And compared to the boys they're used to dating, it's something they love. I worship my women and treat them like gold. Actually, my last gf said that I'm the nicest and most attentive guy she's ever met.

@ PJ: I'll admit, if I were only looking for sex, 30-somethings usually are better. But since I'm seeking much more than that, I tend to get along better w/younger women because we usually have tons of common interests and share the same enthusiasm for life. Yes, I'm immature but very laid back and drama-free, expecting the same in who I'm dating. I've got a long list though and sometimes wish I weren't so picky. So there's A LOT more than just "20-something and fun" that I'm looking for...

It seems to me, if you are looking for more as you say you are, you would be looking for someone a little more mature, that is also fun. Love the way you ignored the whole part where I mention that many of us are MORE fun-loving as we age. It's partly the fact that we aren't so stressed over money and life decisions (in most cases). Personally, I'm an active, silly, fun loving, goof-off. I act more like a kid than most actual 20 year olds, but am also muuuuuch lower on the drama scale. I think it's less the womens ages and more the kind of women you are picking. Hell, my mom was still goofy and active and fun. Some women are inevitably going to become jaded. This is the type that will also let themselves go as they age, imo. These people might have been somewhat fun as 20 somethings but they never were positive people or pleasant to be around, imo. Maybe moreso at 20 than at 30, but honestly, every friend I've known through that span has retained the same basic personality. Positive, happy, fun people, generally remain positive, happy fun people. Negative nellies will also remain that way, I admit the negative ones aren't so obvious when they are super young, but trust me, it's there.

charlie61
09-30-2010, 04:43 PM
It seems to me, if you are looking for more as you say you are, you would be looking for someone a little more mature, that is also fun.

Au contraire: he claimed he was immature, and is therefore looking for someone equally immature. (His words, not mine!)


Yes, I'm immature but very laid back and drama-free, expecting the same in who I'm dating. I've got a long list though and sometimes wish I weren't so picky. So there's A LOT more than just "20-something and fun" that I'm looking for...

SuperFlyGuy
09-30-2010, 11:04 PM
@ Christany: Please don't portray me as some kind of villain. I'm not saying anything at all about age and usefulness. Some of you are taking my comments waaay too far!!! I love women, in general. But in terms of dating, w/some exceptions, I prefer them younger.

Unfortunately, I wasn't as interested in the two that wanted something serious. I would have married one in particular, and we dated exclusively for four months, but I supposed the feeling wasn't quite mutual there. And the others were just flings, mostly. So far it's been a #'s game, and hopefully, the mutual interest will eventually be there.

That's a fascinating point about male pheromones though. Never thought of that!

@ Princessjas: You've def. raised some good points. This discussion has opened my eyes in some ways, I'll admit. Thanks!

SuperFlyGuy
10-01-2010, 02:52 AM
Don't think I've been exposed to much BPA, but who knows??? Not sure about the fertility part, but def no virility issues here, thank God!

And I didn't realize any apologies were in order. I just thought people were freely expressing their opinions.

But if I've really offended anyone, then by all means, I hereby offer my most sincere apologies to each and every wonderful lady on this forum of ALL ages!!!

I'm here to offer some opinions, have an interesting discussion or two, and mostly to learn. Def not trying to cause trouble or create drama, that's for sure...

Christany
10-01-2010, 04:18 AM
^^
Cool, I can hang with that.

AngelKing
10-01-2010, 06:17 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uepaE-r1c2Q

Kellydancer
10-01-2010, 12:37 PM
I'm not, and you're allowed to have your preferences. The issue here is in your repetitive insistence that women over 30 have lost "enthusiasm for life." The sooner you show some recognizance, take responsibility for this, and apologize to the other ladies of this board, the smoother the ride will be for you.

And yes, unfortunately, if you've been getting a little drizunk on the bisphenol, then your male fertility and virility will suffer.



This is exactly why this whole thing offends me. I'm ok with preferences but rejecting people for stupid reasons bothers me.

Here's why I'm so bothered: I am 39 and guys often reject me. The main reason guys reject me is I'm "too old to have babies". Even though these guys are around my age they think they can get better. You see this all the time on online dating sites. For some reason these guys use the "too old" excuse though they themselves are the same age and have the same health risks. Btw, the health risks for women over 40 are actually overplayed. Women who are even 45 still don't have that much more risk of having a disabled child than women 25, especially if they are healthy.

Sorry to go off a rampage, but this whole topic makes me sick because of guys who bypass me though I have a lot to offer. I am not obese, I am fun loving but because of my age it makes me less desirable. That I can't get what I want and have to take what I can because of my age.

Golden_Rule
10-03-2010, 03:16 PM
@GR: Good advice! For most that you've dated, were you asking for their #/FB or did they usually ask for yours? And was it after she saw you there a few times or on the first meeting?

In answer to your queries, both. Younger women can be fairly assured and aggressive, though it's less common than the more classic getting to know and be comfortable about someones presence via multiple exposures and then the man taking the lead/risk about an overture toward a date.

Golden_Rule
10-03-2010, 04:16 PM
@ PJ: I'll admit, if I were only looking for sex, 30-somethings usually are better. But since I'm seeking much more than that, I tend to get along better w/younger women because we usually have tons of common interests and share the same enthusiasm for life. Yes, I'm immature but very laid back and drama-free, expecting the same in who I'm dating. I've got a long list though and sometimes wish I weren't so picky.

Just my two cents but no one could accuse me of not enjoying "relationships" with women younger than myself, but when you take the "" off it I prefer women closer to my own age.

BTW, all this talk of "control" by some I just don't understand. Sounds like an awful lot of work. All I want is something light, breezy and fun [and to cut some folks off at he pass who might want to impose a double standard please realize that what I just described is simply "cougar" behavior though it's being done by a male toward younger women instead of the other way round].

Speaking just for myself, obviously, younger women are a tonic. Being in their company helps me feel, and maybe even remain, young myself. In our mutual exchange each knows what the other wants and has to offer in return but it's not "soulmate" territory and no one (at least I hope no one) is pretending differently.

charlie61
10-03-2010, 04:50 PM
^ I find that the control aspect is usually mostly unintentional on the guy's part. When you're in a relationship with someone who is smarter, more worldly, more confident, more financially stable, etc, then it's hard for that person to not take control of many situations. The younger person just doesn't have the mental faculties or physical resources to maintain an egalitarian relationship. This can often turn into a daddy situation--where he teaches her the ways of the world, and also therefore ultimately controls her world--or worse, a manipulative situation.

The bottom line: it's harder to maintain an egalitarian relationship with the parties are so unequal. Which encourages, intentional or not, an unbalanced controlling issue.

SuperFlyGuy
10-03-2010, 10:01 PM
@Golden_Rule: Thanks for answering that question! And maybe I just need to start lowering my expectations then. I'm the one looking for a soulmate connection and usually end up getting hurt and being unfulfilled in the end.

@Charlie61: I totally agree w/your last post. But for the implicit assumption that there's something wrong w/an "unbalanced" relationship. So at the risk of unleashing another wave of criticism, I'm going to argue that there's nothing inherently wrong w/traditional gender roles and having the male take the lead and be the man.

While I'm completely supportive of equal rights and the advancement of women in the workplace, sports, politics, etc., on an interpersonal level, if the female controls the relationship, there's an erosion of respect. Yes, manipulation is wrong, but irregardless of any age differences, most women enjoy being a woman. The alternative is the emasculation we're seeing over and over again in the media and IRL.

I've experienced this first hand w/my own failed marriage, in which I ceded way too much control throughout. And more recently, having learned from my own mistakes, the younger women I've dated have mentioned time and again how they love feeling protected and cared for instead of having to "mother" bfs closer to their own age.

princessjas
10-04-2010, 04:42 AM
@Golden_Rule: Thanks for answering that question! And maybe I just need to start lowering my expectations then. I'm the one looking for a soulmate connection and usually end up getting hurt and being unfulfilled in the end.

@Charlie61: I totally agree w/your last post. But for the implicit assumption that there's something wrong w/an "unbalanced" relationship. So at the risk of unleashing another wave of criticism, I'm going to argue that there's nothing inherently wrong w/traditional gender roles and having the male take the lead and be the man.

While I'm completely supportive of equal rights and the advancement of women in the workplace, sports, politics, etc., on an interpersonal level, if the female controls the relationship, there's an erosion of respect. Yes, manipulation is wrong, but irregardless of any age differences, most women enjoy being a woman. The alternative is the emasculation we're seeing over and over again in the media and IRL.

I've experienced this first hand w/my own failed marriage, in which I ceded way too much control throughout. And more recently, having learned from my own mistakes, the younger women I've dated have mentioned time and again how they love feeling protected and cared for instead of having to "mother" bfs closer to their own age.

I'm not arguing with your logic here, I'm just saying that this is a personality type and not an age group. You are describing a sub, not a 20 yr old. Yes, I tend to find more Dom's that are older than me (I think older men get more secure with this side of themselves, but jeez that doesn't mean I exclude anyone my own age), but my very first Dom was my age. It creeps me out that you can't seem to see past the age issue. And as I've said, I'm the last person to be bugged by age differences. For some reason though, if a guy enjoys younger women, I'm cool with that, if he exclusively dates younger women and avoids women his own age, I avoid him like the plague. Always did creep me out.

charlie61
10-04-2010, 06:33 AM
@Charlie61: I totally agree w/your last post. But for the implicit assumption that there's something wrong w/an "unbalanced" relationship. So at the risk of unleashing another wave of criticism, I'm going to argue that there's nothing inherently wrong w/traditional gender roles and having the male take the lead and be the man.

While I'm completely supportive of equal rights and the advancement of women in the workplace, sports, politics, etc., on an interpersonal level, if the female controls the relationship, there's an erosion of respect. Yes, manipulation is wrong, but irregardless of any age differences, most women enjoy being a woman. The alternative is the emasculation we're seeing over and over again in the media and IRL.


You claim to be pro-equal rights, and yet you equate femininity with being controlled by the man. You also claim that it is emasculating for the woman to have more control than the man. It seems that you are, in fact, not pro-equal rights, and instead advocate for a much more 1950's lifestyle. Yikes, yikes, yikes. :no:


I'm not arguing with your logic here, I'm just saying that this is a personality type and not an age group. You are describing a sub, not a 20 yr old. Yes, I tend to find more Dom's that are older than me (I think older men get more secure with this side of themselves, but jeez that doesn't mean I exclude anyone my own age), but my very first Dom was my age. It creeps me out that you can't seem to see past the age issue. And as I've said, I'm the last person to be bugged by age differences. For some reason though, if a guy enjoys younger women, I'm cool with that, if he exclusively dates younger women and avoids women his own age, I avoid him like the plague. Always did creep me out.

I am the EXACT same way, and I'm so glad to hear that someone else makes this distinction--which I believe is a very important one! I couldn't have said it better myself.

Golden_Rule
10-04-2010, 09:14 AM
^ I find that the control aspect is usually mostly unintentional on the guy's part. When you're in a relationship with someone who is smarter, more worldly, more confident, more financially stable, etc, then it's hard for that person to not take control of many situations. The younger person just doesn't have the mental faculties or physical resources to maintain an egalitarian relationship. This can often turn into a daddy situation--where he teaches her the ways of the world, and also therefore ultimately controls her world--or worse, a manipulative situation.

The bottom line: it's harder to maintain an egalitarian relationship with the parties are so unequal. Which encourages, intentional or not, an unbalanced controlling issue.

From practical experience [i.e. my first marriage] I find, at least in my situation, that what you say above can be very true. In my case I didn't want my marriage to turn into what it became; my constantly having to mentor my wife with her accepting very little control, or responsibility, for major aspects of our lives. Even though I was only eight years her senior she had lived a sheltered life. I kept trying to give her latitude to expand her horizons but she liked being sheltered. For some reason it made her feel protected. I was treating her the way I would want to be treated, and a sheltered life would make me nuts because I would find it confining. Eventually it didn't matter that we were in love, it mattered more that we were on very separate pages.

I find that in the kind of relationship that is going to involve actually living and loving together with someone an equal partnership is much preferable.

That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the company of younger people, and where infatuating and lusting with younger women are concerned I enjoy it best when we mutually agree to keep it friendly, light and far less serious.

Golden_Rule
10-04-2010, 09:26 AM
@Golden_Rule: Thanks for answering that question! And maybe I just need to start lowering my expectations then. I'm the one looking for a soulmate connection and usually end up getting hurt and being unfulfilled in the end.

I'm not qualified to suggest to someone what they ought to do with their life. I just know what works for me.

When it comes to living and loving together in the same house I prefer someone much closer to my own age; with a similar level of experience, points of reference, an equal ability to accept responsibility and contribute to what is going on in our mutual lives and similar ideas about how to enjoy it together.