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baldric
10-09-2010, 11:22 PM
Anyone want to go antiquing?

rickdugan
10-10-2010, 09:03 AM
Until men can start busting out babies nothing will ever be 50/50! It is a mans job to provide for his woman: BOTTOMLINE! I do not believe in splitting rent with a man cause if I needed a roomate I would have just looked online for one instead of dating one! I don't mind paying some small bills such as my cell phone, beauty expenses like hair and nails, and my student loans but all those other ''major'' bills such as mortagage/rent, utilities, insurances and all that other stuff, that would be a mans job to do. If I had to bust my ass while married, I wouldn't have never gotten married in the first place. A man doesn't have to be rich to date me but he better have a second job to level out his income from the first job to be able to provide for me.


Glad to see that the guys are approaching this topic with their balls intact! I was afraid everyone would give the "Of course I should be expected to pay!" answer just to appease some of the pinks who hold this view.

I think that both of these comments are on either end of the spectrum and are both just plain wrong.

The OP asked if her guy should help with paying the bills for his child. Here I agree with Devon that he should be prepared to carry the financial load. But, unlike the wonderful popping bon bons on the couch type of theory that Devon's follow-up comments bring to mind, good stay at home mothers work damn hard at the job, my wife included. My older child is amazingly bright and well adjusted and I believe that it is a direct result of all of my wife's efforts. My wife also gives her family wonderful home cooked meals, which I firmly believe is a major reason why we are rarely sick.

As to the 'balls intact" comment above, I think it is exactly the opposite. The guys with balls are the ones that do whatever is necessary to provide well for their families, which often includes long hours, sacrifice and dedication. From some of the stories on the pink side it is clear that some pinks seem to gravitate to truly sackless pieces of shit.

What I do will provide for my family for decades. What will the pinks with kids that currently shoulder the load do when they can no longer dance? Certainly not rely upon the whiney pussies that can't even hold one job, never mind the two or three jobs that many good husbands and fathers work simply to provide for their families.

FBR
10-10-2010, 09:55 AM
^ Rick, hold on now. Settle down please. While I am sure there are some "musician" (SCJ/punk joke) BF's living off of their stripper SO's money I am also sure there are many (maybe most...I don't know) who are in a stable and productive relationship. You are generalizing unfairly and I have to call you on it.

FBR

hockeybobby
10-10-2010, 10:14 AM
If I make 100K and you make 20K then OUR bank account should say 120K and vice versa. Nobody should be making all the financial choices, they should be done together with open discussion, even if one side doesn't contribute.

I just can't wrap my head around the idea of two people claiming to be together and be in love, yet still recognizing "my money".

There's nothing wrong with this. There's also nothing wrong with a working couple having a joint account, and their own personal accounts as well. They can contribute to the joint account in some fair way for all their shared expenses, and still have their own money for discretionary spending or savings.

Personally, I don't want to be in on every spending decision that needs to be made, and further, I don't want conditions to arise where I'm starting to make internal judgements about the spouses spending. She's going to want to spend money on things important to her, but not me. She should be able to do that without my prior agreement or judgement.

I guess my point is that there are many ways to set things up fairly and agreeably in a co-habitating relationship.

rickdugan
10-10-2010, 10:33 AM
^ Rick, hold on now. Settle down please. While I am sure there are some "musician" (SCJ/punk joke) BF's living off of their stripper SO's money I am also sure there are many (maybe most...I don't know) who are in a stable and productive relationship. You are generalizing unfairly and I have to call you on it.

FBR

FBR, I actually tried very hard to qualify these by saying "some" pinks gravitate to these types and only referring my follow-up comments to the "pinks with kids that currently shoulder the load." No generalizing was intended or implied.

I also want to be clear that my comments related solely to those with kids. If a guy feels comfortable being supported by a woman, and she has no issues with it, then that is an issue between two grown adults. But when kids come into the mix then, IMHO, the dynamic changes.

I stand by my beliefs that no woman (dancer or otherwise) should have to shoulder the load of supporting the family and that the guys with balls are those who step up and get it done.

With all of that said, the combination of some of the stories I have skimmed in pink and discussions I have had with countless dancers over the years perhaps have fueled the vehemence of my comments as I have seen a fair amount of the unhealthy relationships over the years. As a % of the whole I could not say where they fall, but there it is.

Zinaida
10-10-2010, 10:40 AM
I actually regularly hear guys make fun of/complain about blondes with big boobs on stage. And not just to make me feel better about myself--this is from overhearing conversations.

Glad I have never heard any in 4 years.

Athenathefabulous
10-10-2010, 10:43 AM
i have to agree with Rick. I am so tired of seeing the piece of shit boyfriend who has no job who the dancer supports and who treats her badly and who stays at home playing video games (perhaps to improve finger dexterity for his future as a rock star).

Idk I see it a lot. I see it a lot on this board. You know, in life support "omg should I dump him? He keeps spending all my money and won't get a job omg what's the smart thing to do I am soo lost" And even though I see a lot of these posts on this board, I don't hear it NEARLY as often on here as I do in the dressing room

can you tell that I had to listen to this bullshit while curling my hair yesterday at work? I need to start doing that at home.

Athenathefabulous
10-10-2010, 10:54 AM
Glad I have never heard any in 4 years.

i have heard it, but is it any shock that there are some men who resent the blonde with big boobs?

you know, the one who turned them down in high school? the one who is depicted on TV as the bitchy queen bee? Men and women both will hate on this type. The difference though? The same men who laugh about it secretly find it sexy. and a blonde with big boobs wiht game will probably be able to sell these same guys.

honestly, i find men who come into a SC and laugh at ANY attractive girl to really just be venting their insecurities. it might be completely unrelated to their actual sexual preferences. There is something about them that brings out an insecure part or a bad memory or the anger that she is out of his reach. but at the same time often they will be fantasizing about banging the same girl.

and as far as the stereotype big boob blonde and top earning: this is my opinion. the number 1 factor is game. I dont have fake boobs, but when i have my game on, i can destroy most people with fake boobs unless their game is on par with mine. BUT if i am having an off night or my energy is low or im just not feeling it, then the blonde wtih big boobs whose game is sub par will have an easier time. The big boobs tend to do the talking for them. this is largely why i want them, because sometimes i am burned out, and i just want to be able to stick my big boobs under some guys nose and have them make the sale for me.

The girls next door often are the top earners- but they have to hone their game. I mean a lot of guys DO really like that type, but i feel like something as overly sexual as giant breasts is an off switch for logic. Us girls without those have to compensate with sales skills. and a girl next door with awesome sales skills can defeat a big tittied porn star looking girl who might be a lazy hustler, or tired, or whatever.

And also-- i started dancing as a blue haired pale chick. the more barbie i became the better my money became. and i expect when i get fake boobs it will go up even more. and i expect when i get fake boobs then i will be able to not really have bad nights cuz my tits can talk instead of my brain. but on the nights when i have my tits too the talking, money might be good for me but someone whose mind really is in the right place would probably do better.

and of course imagine when my game is on, and i have tits and a brain to talk.... well world takeover... shit ive said to much :-X.

charlie61
10-10-2010, 12:05 PM
Glad I have never heard any in 4 years.

I really meant no offense to you. You're beautiful.

FBR
10-10-2010, 01:02 PM
FBR, I actually tried very hard to qualify Not a mod response.... member to member.

FBR

Kellydancer
10-10-2010, 05:17 PM
i have to agree with Rick. I am so tired of seeing the piece of shit boyfriend who has no job who the dancer supports and who treats her badly and who stays at home playing video games (perhaps to improve finger dexterity for his future as a rock star).

Idk I see it a lot. I see it a lot on this board. You know, in life support "omg should I dump him? He keeps spending all my money and won't get a job omg what's the smart thing to do I am soo lost" And even though I see a lot of these posts on this board, I don't hear it NEARLY as often on here as I do in the dressing room

can you tell that I had to listen to this bullshit while curling my hair yesterday at work? I need to start doing that at home.

I've known women (not all dancers) who lived with these guys and I couldn't get it. I have a friend who works and her husband "stays at home". Only when he's at home he watches tv all day because cooking and cleaning are "women work". So my stupid friend (rather exfriend at this point) comes home cooks and cleans, and (here's the unreal part) pays the mortgage in HER HUSBAND'S NAME. Yep really winner. Oh and her husband never went to high school either.

Having said that, I went to college to support myself. As a result I am fine being a breadwinner and if it comes to it having my husband be a stay at home dad if that means cooking, cleaning and raising the kids. If a guy wasn't going to do this he has no business staying at home. This is a very unlikely scenario and the reality is both of us will work. Why should a man support me when I make more or have the potential to make more.

Casual Observer
10-10-2010, 07:28 PM
Rick, hold on now. Settle down please. While I am sure there are some "musician" (SCJ/punk joke) BF's living off of their stripper SO's money I am also sure there are many (maybe most...I don't know) who are in a stable and productive relationship. You are generalizing unfairly and I have to call you on it.



I'm going to disagree, FBR; the leeching boyfriend stereotype is so prevalent in the real world as to be considered the norm--just look at the level of dissatisfaction with men in relationships on Pink. They don't have to be completely unemployed or unemployable to fit the caricature.

Kellydancer
10-10-2010, 08:08 PM
I'm going to disagree, FBR; the leeching boyfriend stereotype is so prevalent in the real world as to be considered the norm--just look at the level of dissatisfaction with men in relationships on Pink. They don't have to be completely unemployed or unemployable to fit the caricature.

Do you mean the idea that women should always make less than the guy? I ask because I've often posted about the guy I hope to be with will always likely make less. He's got issues and I've written much about this, but I've gotten more pms (from males and females) asking why I'd even want a guy who makes less. He's not a mooch, far from it, in fact he's paid for me more than I have for him. Unfortunately many people in society think that guys (it's never women) who don't make much are moochers. I've dated men who made much more than me and found in general they were way too obsessed with work. I prefer a guy who isn't career obsessed.

firemaiden04
10-10-2010, 08:35 PM
Two parts to this:

First off, I can say I was pleasantly surprised to see how many men said they have no issues with paying the majority of the bills, or even paying half. The unfortunate truth is that every one of my exes tried (and sometimes succeeded in) getting me to pay for everything. My most recent ex was a trust fund baby, and he seemed to get off on having me pay for him. As a 23-year-old, it seems that a lot of guys my own age really fantasize on having a "sugar mama." My current boyfriend, luckily, is not like that at all, but still. Such has been my experience.

Secondly, as an attractive blonde with big tits (though admittedly mine are not as perky as Zinaida's), as well as the ONLY such creature at my old strip club, I can definitively say that there are a LOT of guys who don't prefer us. A lot of guys in upstate NY strongly prefer the Jersey Shore type of girl--dark tan, big black hair, and a bitchy attitude. Luckily, there will always be a niche for the big-titted blonde. However, that in no way means that every guy who walked into my club preferred me over any of the others. And that's one of the great things about stripping. You can be unique.

charlie61
10-10-2010, 08:39 PM
Secondly, as an attractive blonde with big tits (though admittedly mine are not as perky as Zinaida's), as well as the ONLY such creature at my old strip club, I can definitively say that there are a LOT of guys who don't prefer us. A lot of guys in upstate NY strongly prefer the Jersey Shore type of girl--dark tan, big black hair, and a bitchy attitude. Luckily, there will always be a niche for the big-titted blonde. However, that in no way means that every guy who walked into my club preferred me over any of the others. And that's one of the great things about stripping. You can be unique.

Thank you for articulating my point in a much more tactful and eloquent manner. :) I wasn't hating on blondes!

jester214
10-10-2010, 08:54 PM
There's nothing wrong with this. There's also nothing wrong with a working couple having a joint account, and their own personal accounts as well. They can contribute to the joint account in some fair way for all their shared expenses, and still have their own money for discretionary spending or savings.

Personally, I don't want to be in on every spending decision that needs to be made, and further, I don't want conditions to arise where I'm starting to make internal judgements about the spouses spending. She's going to want to spend money on things important to her, but not me. She should be able to do that without my prior agreement or judgement.

I guess my point is that there are many ways to set things up fairly and agreeably in a co-habitating relationship.

I was over-simplifying on purpose to get my general point across.

Certainly my wife wouldn't need to tell me every time she decided to go shopping, and I wouldn't need to ask her if I could buy a box of cigars.

But the idea that serious money would be spent without consulting each other? Or that investments and the general financial picture wouldn't be shared? Two heads are better than one, and things like that should be discussed.

Though if you just have one account, and you both have access to it, I don't really see the point of having two? Then again, everyones finances are different.

The point is: If she wants me to thrust over my money while she uses hers to do for herself, then I have to assume their is a major issue and that relationship isn't going to work.

NOTE: in my hypotheticals, I'm assuming the couple is happily married or at least in a very serious comitted relationship where the outlook appears to be marriage. Then again this discussion wouldn't come up in any other kind of relationship (atleast for me).

rickdugan
10-10-2010, 09:48 PM
Do you mean the idea that women should always make less than the guy? I ask because I've often posted about the guy I hope to be with will always likely make less. He's got issues and I've written much about this, but I've gotten more pms (from males and females) asking why I'd even want a guy who makes less. He's not a mooch, far from it, in fact he's paid for me more than I have for him. Unfortunately many people in society think that guys (it's never women) who don't make much are moochers. I've dated men who made much more than me and found in general they were way too obsessed with work. I prefer a guy who isn't career obsessed.

Kelly, with all due respect, is this the same guy who not only cannot seem to earn a decent living, but also struggles with emotional issues AND lives with mommy AND can't commit AND...(and so on, and so on)?

IMHO this guy doesn't need therapy, he needs a high voltage electric cattle prod. Or maybe baseball bat therapy, but of course I don't want to get extreme here. The point is, if you marry him and get pregnant, what happens if you are ordered on bedrest for six months? Or simply have a hard pregnancy and can't work for a few months after birth? Or decide that you want to nurse your child, which would require you to be available once every couple of hours?

A man has to be able to step up and shoulder the load. Work a second (or third) job, sell things on the side, or do whatever else it takes. When children come around it is impossible to know what will happen.

Don't mean to sound harsh - just my :twocents:

Kellydancer
10-10-2010, 09:59 PM
Kelly, with all due respect, is this the same guy who not only cannot seem to earn a decent living, but also struggles with emotional issues AND lives with mommy AND can't commit AND...(and so on, and so on)?

IMHO this guy doesn't need therapy, he needs a high voltage electric cattle prod. Or maybe baseball bat therapy, but of course I don't want to get extreme here. The point is, if you marry him and get pregnant, what happens if you are ordered on bedrest for six months? Or simply have a hard pregnancy and can't work for a few months after birth? Or decide that you want to nurse your child, which would require you to be available once every couple of hours?

A man has to be able to step up and shoulder the load. Work a second (or third) job, sell things on the side, or do whatever else it takes. When children come around it is impossible to know what will happen.

Don't mean to sound harsh - just my :twocents:

Well, I wouldn't nurse (find it repulsive but that's another thread) and as for maternity leave, I would probably find a company that offers it (or use any personal days for it). Yes it the same guy, except he does have a job, and would support me but in likelihood I would be the top wage earner. I'm the one who went to college and grad school and he didn't. He does have a good work ethic (he gets overtime a lot and puts the money in savings) but I will be the one with the bigger paycheck because of my skills. I don't think it would be fair for him to work two jobs to support me (though he would). However if we have kids, then yes both of us should support the children. He's a lot more kid friendly than me and he would be a better dad than I would mom. I wouldn't have a kid unless the guy wanted it more than me. Otherwise I would be happy adopting if it came to that.

princessjas
10-11-2010, 04:58 AM
Well, I wouldn't nurse (find it repulsive but that's another thread) and as for maternity leave, I would probably find a company that offers it (or use any personal days for it). Yes it the same guy, except he does have a job, and would support me but in likelihood I would be the top wage earner. I'm the one who went to college and grad school and he didn't. He does have a good work ethic (he gets overtime a lot and puts the money in savings) but I will be the one with the bigger paycheck because of my skills. I don't think it would be fair for him to work two jobs to support me (though he would). However if we have kids, then yes both of us should support the children. He's a lot more kid friendly than me and he would be a better dad than I would mom. I wouldn't have a kid unless the guy wanted it more than me. Otherwise I would be happy adopting if it came to that.

I find it repulsive that you would consider having children and not nursing. Seriously, I think it should be punishable by law, just like other forms of child abuse. If you have them, you should imho, be required to do what is best for their development, if you are physically able. The differences between formula fed babies and breast fed are just to extreme. Please look into it. At 1 yr old a formula fed baby has terrible eyesight, can barely make out objects and cant identify faces without scent, where a bf baby has close to 20/20....there are numerous other differences that make it just cruel not to nurse if you are capable. Plus there are recent issues that suggest the new formula with the additives can stunt brain development. I haven't looked into that much, just briefly glanced at some articles since I'm done having wee ones, but I can look it up in a couple of days and give deets if you are interested.

Sorry to hijack blue, boys, but this is a mega important topic. Now, back to your regularly scheduled program of tits and ass. }:D

Jessie_tinydancer
10-11-2010, 05:27 AM
^bahhh another threadjack but I have to put in my two cents in an area that I have some training. The colostrum is in breast milk and that is what helps with immunity and is the most important part of breast feeding. In humans however, we are very lucky because the baby can receive the same benefits before birth because all that goodness is also supplied through the womb (unlike in all other mammals). Every mother should breastfeed at least in the beginning if possible otherwise you will have higher chances of a sickly child in the beginning years.

But we are very resilient. What about adopted babies? My husband was not breastfeed because he was adopted. He is 36 and has perfect vision still. Never broke a bone. No allergies. Perfect healthy hair and teeth. University educated and was a National Champion athlete and qualified for the Olympics. Just saying... if a kid isnt breast feed doesnt mean its going to have a hard trot, but I agree that if possible its better safe than sorry.

Kellydancer
10-11-2010, 10:20 AM
I find it repulsive that you would consider having children and not nursing. Seriously, I think it should be punishable by law, just like other forms of child abuse. If you have them, you should imho, be required to do what is best for their development, if you are physically able. The differences between formula fed babies and breast fed are just to extreme. Please look into it. At 1 yr old a formula fed baby has terrible eyesight, can barely make out objects and cant identify faces without scent, where a bf baby has close to 20/20....there are numerous other differences that make it just cruel not to nurse if you are capable. Plus there are recent issues that suggest the new formula with the additives can stunt brain development. I haven't looked into that much, just briefly glanced at some articles since I'm done having wee ones, but I can look it up in a couple of days and give deets if you are interested.

Sorry to hijack blue, boys, but this is a mega important topic. Now, back to your regularly scheduled program of tits and ass. }:D

It's just not for everyone and wouldn't be in my case. For example I wouldn't like the idea that my husband couldn't feed the baby and I'm squeamish about exposing my breast (strange considering I've danced nude), not to mention that I'd be going back to work soon after birth. I might consider pumping but actually feeding on the breast? Nope. I don't think it means child abuse because I've known people who breastfed who were terrible people and people who were good parents who didn't. All of the benefits about breastfeeding have been exaggerated by La Leche (which is the PETA of nursing). I was bottlefed and did fine and so did my brother. I do not think it should be punishable whether one breast feeds or not because it's all personal choice. All of the other supposed benefits don't apply in all cases. I have bad eyesight and so does the guy I hope to be with and I'm sure any kids we have will also wear glasses. Same with allergies. We both have high IQ's so our kids will be smart whether they are nursed or not.

rlams2000
10-11-2010, 12:53 PM
isn't this funny? A breastfeeding discussion.

FBR, get the lock out.

KaylaM
10-11-2010, 12:58 PM
Fuck fuck fuck... *sigh* That's all.

hockeybobby
10-11-2010, 01:14 PM
Haha ^^^ random drama dump.

mortalman
10-11-2010, 01:25 PM
isn't this funny? A breastfeeding discussion.

FBR, get the lock out.

I know really! As much as i like watching chick fights, the whole breast feeding angle has a certain "deflating" effect. :'(

Jessie_tinydancer
10-11-2010, 03:13 PM
isn't this funny? A breastfeeding discussion.

FBR, get the lock out.

LOL I know... chicks in conversation. We can talk about 15 things at once.

kaiarose
10-11-2010, 07:08 PM
isn't this funny? A breastfeeding discussion.

FBR, get the lock out.

Seriously! We have a thread on that upstairs girls.

hockeybobby
10-11-2010, 07:27 PM
Oh hell...there's probably someone crawling around down here who gets his jollys from it. I wouldn't sweat it. :D

Kellydancer
10-11-2010, 08:32 PM
Seriously! We have a thread on that upstairs girls.

I remember that thread and how heated it got. I just wanted to state I'm not upset with the whole breastfeeding comments. Not to go offtopic but if I don't end up with the guy I hope I will not have kids, so I won't have to deal with the whole breastfeeding/bottlefeeding debate anyway.

Athenathefabulous
10-12-2010, 12:25 AM
kelly, i think we need to have an intervention thread for you about how not to be addicted to this flakey guy.

just saying... you seem like a smart girl and you seem to have a big heart... but every time i read a post by you related to this guy i just get very :(.

4everresolutions
10-12-2010, 01:09 AM
^ With Athena. I haven't posted about it, but I've read what Kelly's been posting and methinks this guy is not what you need atm.

Kisca
10-12-2010, 01:42 AM
^ Im totally sorry Kelly. I agree with both of the girls above.. Remember the other thread you started stating you're going to wait till end of Dec with Flaky? That time is coming soon, and has he made any progress? ..... Isn't that a good amount of time for a person to heal - 10 years? Discussing kids with him, is a curious path.... to think about.

Im still shocked that a man his age went to Disney World... by himself. We're not talking about a college kid whose living in the basement of his parents house.. we're talking about a grown man who lived 50% of his life.

Im not trying to be rude, or trying to flame you at all. I like you as a person Kelly and you truely seem to have a big heart for him. I dont know your full story.. but just based on the posts that is my opinion of HIM not you.

Chgojoe
10-12-2010, 03:57 AM
Im still shocked that a man his age went to Disney World... by himself. We're not talking about a college kid whose living in the basement of his parents house.. we're talking about a grown man who lived 50% of his life.


I agree 1000 percent, I don't know any straight guy that would do something like that. You might gain some valuable insight into his behavior by starting a thread in the blue section outlining what he has told you and what he as done. I don't see him as a flake but as a fraud, I don't believe he is telling you the truth.

Kellydancer
10-12-2010, 11:09 AM
kelly, i think we need to have an intervention thread for you about how not to be addicted to this flakey guy.

just saying... you seem like a smart girl and you seem to have a big heart... but every time i read a post by you related to this guy i just get very :(.

My parents think I can do better because of his flakiness. That and they think he's not good enough lookwise and jobwise. I know I could probably find someone better but it's hard to find a never married guy without kids at 40 or so. I know they are around but harder to find. I think I am clinging to him because of this and the fact he used to be the opposite. But yeah I do know he's doing things that aren't normal at his age.

Btw, I'm not offended by any comments about him because you are all cool. I think people see things I am overlooking.


^ Im totally sorry Kelly. I agree with both of the girls above.. Remember the other thread you started stating you're going to wait till end of Dec with Flaky? That time is coming soon, and has he made any progress? ..... Isn't that a good amount of time for a person to heal - 10 years? Discussing kids with him, is a curious path.... to think about.

Im still shocked that a man his age went to Disney World... by himself. We're not talking about a college kid whose living in the basement of his parents house.. we're talking about a grown man who lived 50% of his life.

Im not trying to be rude, or trying to flame you at all. I like you as a person Kelly and you truely seem to have a big heart for him. I dont know your full story.. but just based on the posts that is my opinion of HIM not you.

He's wishy washy. One day he tells me he never wants to get hurt again, the next he's talking about baby names. I don't think he knows what he wants. His last girlfriend was only a couple of years ago so that's why I'm giving him slack. He went to Disney World with his mom (he's got a weird relationship with his mom). He's the only guy I've ever considered having kids with because of his nature.

Athenathefabulous
10-12-2010, 11:40 AM
My parents think I can do better because of his flakiness. That and they think he's not good enough lookwise and jobwise. I know I could probably find someone better but it's hard to find a never married guy without kids at 40 or so. I know they are around but harder to find. I think I am clinging to him because of this and the fact he used to be the opposite. But yeah I do know he's doing things that aren't normal at his age.

Btw, I'm not offended by any comments about him because you are all cool. I think people see things I am overlooking.



He's wishy washy. One day he tells me he never wants to get hurt again, the next he's talking about baby names. I don't think he knows what he wants. His last girlfriend was only a couple of years ago so that's why I'm giving him slack. He went to Disney World with his mom (he's got a weird relationship with his mom). He's the only guy I've ever considered having kids with because of his nature.

I dont think you are overlooking them, i think you definitely see them but a small but loud part of your brain is flat out denying them and lying to the rest of your brain. if you didnt see them at all then we wouldnt be able to pick up on it through your posts. The fact that it is apparent to everyone on this board that he is a bad choice through what YOU have written should tell you something...


also, i would take a man with kids over a man with a 'weird relationship with his mom' any day. and i dont think having one failed marriage from when he was young and stupid is any worse than having never been married..... maybe you should re-evaluate your criteria and take it on a case by case basis. Just saying, this doesnt appear to be working well for your happiness so you might need to re-invent the wheel a bit...

KaylaM
10-12-2010, 11:42 AM
The weird part about it is that she REALLY believes he will change . I hope he does for you.

Perry
10-12-2010, 11:42 AM
This is too sick. Women are pretending to be all modern and independent - but say one is hotter than the other and they freak out like insecure teeny boppers. Then start waxing hypothetically about their future husbands and children. Anyone have a Justin Beiber poster up to practice kissing on, too?

This thread is just humiliating - and it's not the blue's fault at all. Sorry I fell in the basement!

rlams2000
10-12-2010, 11:44 AM
So this 40ish year old boy got hurt a few years ago from a relationship and he hasn't moved on yet?

He goes to Disney World with momma?

Your nickname for him is Flaky?

You want kids of your own? Sounds like you found one.

Kellydancer
10-12-2010, 11:50 AM
I dont think you are overlooking them, i think you definitely see them but a small but loud part of your brain is flat out denying them and lying to the rest of your brain. if you didnt see them at all then we wouldnt be able to pick up on it through your posts. The fact that it is apparent to everyone on this board that he is a bad choice through what YOU have written should tell you something...


also, i would take a man with kids over a man with a 'weird relationship with his mom' any day. and i dont think having one failed marriage from when he was young and stupid is any worse than having never been married..... maybe you should re-evaluate your criteria and take it on a case by case basis. Just saying, this doesnt appear to be working well for your happiness so you might need to re-invent the wheel a bit...

The never married is for religious reasons and because in general I've had worse luck with divorced men. I might bend on this if the circumstances were right. The kid part is something I can't bend because I've been there, done that and dating a man with kids is a nightmare. I'd rather be alone than with a dad. I hope he does change but he might be too far gone at this point. Plus the fact that he's not much into sex (especially oral) is another red flag but one I keep brushing aside. If this was anyone else I'd tell them they could do better. In fact I have. Yet I don't take my own advice.

KaylaM
10-12-2010, 12:00 PM
Lost. for. words. SMMFH

safado
10-12-2010, 02:17 PM
Plus the fact that he's not much into sex (especially oral) is another red flag but one I keep brushing aside.

Flaky is wasting your time. If it has been a few years and he is still afraid then he is damaged goods and a lost cause.

You do know that oral sex is against the teachings of the Catholic church, don't you? If you are going to break some the rules you may as well say "fuck it" and break the rest of their stupid rules. Wouldn't you rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints?

Kellydancer
10-12-2010, 04:38 PM
Flaky is wasting your time. If it has been a few years and he is still afraid then he is damaged goods and a lost cause.

You do know that oral sex is against the teachings of the Catholic church, don't you? If you are going to break some the rules you may as well say "fuck it" and break the rest of their stupid rules. Wouldn't you rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints?

Some of their views I agree with such as divorce. I know this sounds weird but part of the reason I am against divorce is because I want a Catholic ceremony if I marry. The irony is that if I don't end up with the guy I want I probably won't marry at all so the ceremony becomes moot. Oh he has been flaky to me for years, just a few months. He's come farther than I thought he would.

hockeybobby
10-12-2010, 04:51 PM
The never married is for religious reasons and because in general I've had worse luck with divorced men. I might bend on this if the circumstances were right. The kid part is something I can't bend because I've been there, done that and dating a man with kids is a nightmare. I'd rather be alone than with a dad. I hope he does change but he might be too far gone at this point. Plus the fact that he's not much into sex (especially oral) is another red flag but one I keep brushing aside. If this was anyone else I'd tell them they could do better. In fact I have. Yet I don't take my own advice.

How about a guy with kids who are grown up and on their own? He's done looking after them, and now he's got free time for you. He'd have lots of good experience in fathering. Also, what about older guys? You seem like you could relate well to an older man, and age is just a number after all. No need to limit your possibilities.

Kellydancer
10-12-2010, 05:15 PM
How about a guy with kids who are grown up and on their own? He's done looking after them, and now he's got free time for you. He'd have lots of good experience in fathering. Also, what about older guys? You seem like you could relate well to an older man, and age is just a number after all. No need to limit your possibilities.

No kids at all. I've known many people who dated men with kids that were grown and still a bad idea. Maybe an older guy who was childless but depends on the citcumstance I suppose.

FBR
10-12-2010, 05:28 PM
Some of their views I agree with such as divorce. I know this sounds weird but part of the reason I am against divorce is because I want a Catholic ceremony if I marry. The irony is that if I don't end up with the guy I want I probably won't marry at all so the ceremony becomes moot. Oh he has been flaky to me for years, just a few months. He's come farther than I thought he would. Is he Catholic? That might make a difference. I am Protestant historically but have since converted but anyway at the time I went through a Church annulment process from my ex wife so that my present wife and I could get married in the Church.

FBR

Kellydancer
10-12-2010, 05:36 PM
Is he Catholic? That might make a difference. I am Protestant historically but have since converted but anyway at the time I went through a Church annulment process from my ex wife so that my present wife and I could get married in the Church.

FBR

Yes, more so than me. His family is more devout than mine (my dad is Anglican).

safado
10-12-2010, 05:55 PM
No kids at all. I've known many people who dated men with kids that were grown and still a bad idea. Maybe an older guy who was childless but depends on the citcumstance I suppose.

I know where you can find men who meet your criteria, have you considered stealing a priest away from the priest hood? Actually the father of one of my friends in college was a priest who left the priest hood to get married.

FBR
10-12-2010, 07:58 PM
Yes, more so than me. His family is more devout than mine (my dad is Anglican). I was just trying to make the point that there are ways around the system. On my end, during that period my wife wasn't able to take communion which was a big deal to her but once we figured it out all was good. So bottom line I am saying there are workarounds if a religious issue is problematic. You just have to investigate and ask questions.

FBR

jester214
10-12-2010, 08:28 PM
This thread is just humiliating - and it's not the blue's fault at all. Sorry I fell in the basement!

Wait are you actually saying something went wrong on this site and its not Blue's fault???? /:O

Man, things have really changed. :O

Perry
10-12-2010, 08:43 PM
Wait are you actually saying something went wrong on this site and its not Blue's fault???? /:O

Man, things have really changed. :O

It's your basement, sir. The blazing hypocrisy in this thread just compelled me to say something before I left.