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Kellydancer
10-06-2010, 07:42 PM
This is something I've been curious about for quite some time. I know many of you talk about having sex with dancers (I won't comment on that) but how many have had actual relationships? As in dating them from free, and possibly marrying or even having children with them?

I know the pinks have heard my story but here goes. I had a customer back in 1994 and we were customer/dancer for many months. He had asked me out while I was still dancing at the club but I didn't feel it was right. When I quit the club we started hanging out together as friends but he wanted more (I had gotten out of a bad relationship at that point). We were friends for many years, lost contact, then reconnected this January. We are having many issues because he got stung by an ex (who was NOT a dancer) so he has a lot of trust issues. Whether we will get together or not remains to be seen. We have not ever had sex (both of our choices) and future plans such as marriage and kids has come up (but like I said he's having trouble committing right now and I have financial troubles). I was always a clean dancer.

Enough about that though. My question is have any of you gotten serious with a dancer? How has it turned out? Did you marry her or consider it, or was this out of the question because she was/is a dancer?

yoda57us
10-06-2010, 07:49 PM
I have been single for almost two years now and have actually only civvie dated dancers or ex dancers. None of the relationships have been long term but several of the ladies are good friends that I have known for many years. Honestly, I don't plan on ever getting married again or even co-habitation for that matter but that would not stop me from getting seriosly involved with a dancer. As long as we were both on the same page about where the realtionship was going her job would not be a deterrent for me.

Kellydancer
10-06-2010, 07:55 PM
Sounds cool Yoda. I've found that many of the guys I've known who were serious club customers did actually date dancers. I tend to think customers like these know more about the game than many other guys so they aren't as jealous. I agree you need to be on the same page with relationships.

Casual Observer
10-06-2010, 08:33 PM
Had a two-year relationship with a dancer about five years ago. Didn't meet her at a club, but rather through a website catering to mutual interests. Really great girl--introverted, intellectual, studious and hot like white phosphorous. It was a long-distance relationship and a non-monogamous one, and we had a great time with each other. The fact that we both enjoyed strippers (she was very bi) was merely a bonus. :D

Never had interest in marriage, and she didn't seem to either, so that never came up.

However, I was prepping for a PhD program at the time, and she was entering medical school, and with both of us looking at seven-year commitments and the prospect of very limited time with each other, coupled with some tension from a woman I was seeing in my locale brought it to a slow end. Our lives were just on parallel tracks that weren't likely to intersect on a long-term basis. We kept in touch for some time, but she became involved with a very controlling and narcisistic man who wound up putting her in the hospital and forcing her to change schools, and she changed all her contact info as a result. I've not heard from her in some time. I hope she's doing well and I think of her often.

I'm not an intrinsically jealous person--which has turned out to be a problem in relationships--so the idea of dating a dancer seriously was never an issue (I was seriously involved with a girl escorting her way through her last year of college), but meeting a girl in the club and developing a serious relationship with her doesn't hinge on handling stripping as much as it does how she handles all the occupational hazards that come with the job, never mind actually developing the chemistry and fundamental qualities of a healthy relationship between two people irrespective of profession.

Two cents.

Kellydancer
10-06-2010, 08:46 PM
Had a two-year relationship with a dancer about five years ago. Didn't meet her at a club, but rather through a website catering to mutual interests. Really great girl--introverted, intellectual, studious and hot like white phosphorous. It was a long-distance relationship and a non-monogamous one, and we had a great time with each other. The fact that we both enjoyed strippers (she was very bi) was merely a bonus. :D

Never had interest in marriage, and she didn't seem to either, so that never came up.

However, I was prepping for a PhD program at the time, and she was entering medical school, and with both of us looking at seven-year commitments and the prospect of very limited time with each other, coupled with some tension from a woman I was seeing in my locale brought it to a slow end. Our lives were just on parallel tracks that weren't likely to intersect on a long-term basis. We kept in touch for some time, but she became involved with a very controlling and narcisistic man who wound up putting her in the hospital and forcing her to change schools, and she changed all her contact info as a result. I've not heard from her in some time. I hope she's doing well and I think of her often.

I'm not an intrinsically jealous person--which has turned out to be a problem in relationships--so the idea of dating a dancer seriously was never an issue (I was seriously involved with a girl escorting her way through her last year of college), but meeting a girl in the club and developing a serious relationship with her doesn't hinge on handling stripping as much as it does how she handles all the occupational hazards that come with the job, never mind actually developing the chemistry and fundamental qualities of a healthy relationship between two people irrespective of profession.

Two cents.

That sucks that she got into a relationship with that. I can definitely see not getting seriously involved in your case because you were way too busy with PhD. When you say she was very bi does that mean you'd bring home dancers? I personally am a jealous person so that relationship wouldn't work for me, but definitely sounds like it was fun while it lasted.

yoda57us
10-07-2010, 03:41 PM
Sounds cool Yoda. I've found that many of the guys I've known who were serious club customers did actually date dancers. I tend to think customers like these know more about the game than many other guys so they aren't as jealous. I agree you need to be on the same page with relationships.

That's a big part of it but I'm also a creature of habit. I spent so much time in SC's when I was traveling for work or just hanging out that I became very comfortable in the clubs and around dancers. I really don't visit regular bars very often...

Lol, I guess money is a good ice breaker 8)

Casual Observer
10-07-2010, 03:56 PM
That sucks that she got into a relationship with that. I can definitely see not getting seriously involved in your case because you were way too busy with PhD. When you say she was very bi does that mean you'd bring home dancers? I personally am a jealous person so that relationship wouldn't work for me, but definitely sounds like it was fun while it lasted.

No, no dancers from her own club; she didn't want to complicate her personal relationships with her few friends there or deal with them trying to poach her guy. We'd played with dancers from other clubs, but that's a different situation, and given our schedule it wasn't a regular thing, frankly.

hockeybobby
10-07-2010, 04:08 PM
I have strong feelings for a local dancer. I've known her for about three years (meeting her caused me to join SW), but she's had a significant other all that time. I've never felt she thought of me as anything other than a customer/friend/mentor type thing. We've done lots of regular social things outside the club, including several with her SO there as well. He's a young, handsome lawyer, with a great personality...and I always thought he was a good match for her. Out of sort of common decency, I never pushed for any sort of sexual relationship. I wouldn't have rebuffed overtures from her if they had ever come though...let's face it.

I also have strong feelings for a dancer member here...but that's all I'll say about that.

FBR
10-07-2010, 06:56 PM
I kind of like the zone I am in now. Yes, I still spend money but the allure of getting serious about a dancer has faded. God love them for the opportunities presented over time but it is getting kind of silly now for me. But to you boys who can in fact make it happen...carry on!

FBR

Kellydancer
10-09-2010, 11:06 AM
Interesting stories from all of you. It's pretty cool how some guys realize it's a job and yes sometimes feelings develop. We all know that it's rare, but we all know of cases where it happened. I know of a few cases where a dancer married her best customer. Personally, I don't think I could have dated a customer while dancing fulltime (probably the main reason I didn't get with him earlier).

Jessie_tinydancer
10-10-2010, 04:23 AM
I have strong feelings for a local dancer. I've known her for about three years (meeting her caused me to join SW), but she's had a significant other all that time. I've never felt she thought of me as anything other than a customer/friend/mentor type thing. We've done lots of regular social things outside the club, including several with her SO there as well. He's a young, handsome lawyer, with a great personality...and I always thought he was a good match for her. Out of sort of common decency, I never pushed for any sort of sexual relationship. I wouldn't have rebuffed overtures from her if they had ever come though...let's face it.

I also have strong feelings for a dancer member here...but that's all I'll say about that.

Never say never ... maybe hes not a good match? I know some young handsome lawyers and I think they are highly overrated }:D;)

hockeybobby
10-10-2010, 05:59 AM
Never say never ... maybe hes not a good match? I know some young handsome lawyers and I think they are highly overrated }:D;)

Well, things can change I suppose. One thing I've learned from reading on SW is that if the dancer wants you, you'll know it soon enough. Not much guesswork required. If she ever gets herself single, she knows where to find me. I won't hold my breath waiting though. ;)

Kellydancer
10-10-2010, 05:27 PM
Well, things can change I suppose. One thing I've learned from reading on SW is that if the dancer wants you, you'll know it soon enough. Not much guesswork required. If she ever gets herself single, she knows where to find me. I won't hold my breath waiting though. ;)

From your posts here you seem like a cool guy and someone she might want to be with. Unfortunately we aren't always blunt enough. The guy I really love (the one I call flakey) never knew I wanted him years ago. He knew I liked him (as in friends) but never that I wanted him. I have a feeling he feels I am "out of his league" which explains a lot. I've seen this attitude by several men and I always tell them there is no such thing as league, it's just people enjoying others.

JoeUnCool
10-13-2010, 05:19 AM
That's a big part of it but I'm also a creature of habit. I spent so much time in SC's when I was traveling for work or just hanging out that I became very comfortable in the clubs and around dancers. I really don't visit regular bars very often...

Lol, I guess money is a good ice breaker 8)

Another good icebreaker is the fact that you aren't a dick to women. They pick up on that.

JoeUnCool
10-13-2010, 05:28 AM
Yes, and no. I had a very good and close friend of mine that was a dancer. She worked at Goldrush in Atlanta 20+ years ago. I met her when I was one of the drunk college kids that dancer's hate. We stumbled in and immediately hit it off. She was a few years older than me, but that wasn't a big deal for us. We hung out and went out for about a year. We discussed a couple of times getting serious and being exclusive, but 21 was not an age I could understand what she was doing without getting jealous. Thankfully, we discussed that intelligently and she understood where I was coming from. We got drunk one night, started arguing, and that was the end of the relationship. We spoke a couple of times after that, but went our separate ways. We never did have sex, which was cool with me. I was more worried about school than anything else.

I've seen others make the relationship work. For it to work, I think it takes patience and honesty. The guy has to be patient. He has to understand that she's not selling sex with her, she's selling the fantasy of sex with her. Some men don't get that. She has to be honest about what is going on, and thats a hard subject to make work. I've got four couples that I know of that have made this work. Its a very small percentage, that's for sure. I'd put it at something like 1-3%.

Its not an easy thing to do at all, but what relationship is easy?

JoeUnCool
10-13-2010, 05:31 AM
I kind of like the zone I am in now. Yes, I still spend money but the allure of getting serious about a dancer has faded. God love them for the opportunities presented over time but it is getting kind of silly now for me. But to you boys who can in fact make it happen...carry on!

FBR

Yep, for all the jokes I make about your age, and they are just jokes, we're in the same boat. No matter what a girl says now, I understand that I am outside of the "demographic of acceptablness." I'm too old, too fat, too serious about work, too .........

FBR
10-13-2010, 07:27 PM
^ In many ways I kind of prefer my former self but the last twenty months scared the shit out of me. The image of losing every thing you have is not pleasant and I suppose teaches some lessons...I don't know. Right now I have almost 2 large in the war chest I've accumulated but have no desire to spend it. I am still a Junkie but even I find my thoughts strange in terms of what the hell is a war chest for if not to blow on strippers?

FBR

hockeybobby
10-13-2010, 07:35 PM
Put half on the strippers, and the other half on making sure you don't get scared like that again.

We live, we learn, we grow.

sadbuttrue
10-13-2010, 09:47 PM
I've had an off again on again relationship with a dancer for ten years and now I haven't seen her for two. I'm afraid I will always love that one, but at one time it was beyond reason and the last time it was within reason and at arm's length. I knew to keep my heart at a distance and go with the flow and this may have been why we could actually relate sexually this time and little more genuinely.

But since we weren't playing for keeps this time, I could step back and watch for the cracks. And still eventuallly there was a sense of entitlement there on her part.

I may get castigated for this, but where else can I say this on the Internet, but here. This last time around, I did not expect that anything would come of it. So by this time I had a new long term dancer, even longer than her, and someone she knew and had fought with (long story) and I continued my every two weeks dance thing with her no matter what, just in case the thing folded. And they both knew about it ...

Sad

JoeUnCool
10-14-2010, 05:47 AM
^ In many ways I kind of prefer my former self but the last twenty months scared the shit out of me. The image of losing every thing you have is not pleasant and I suppose teaches some lessons...I don't know. Right now I have almost 2 large in the war chest I've accumulated but have no desire to spend it. I am still a Junkie but even I find my thoughts strange in terms of what the hell is a war chest for if not to blow on strippers?

FBR

No problem with building the war chest. its your money, you can spend it however you want to.

Yeah, the economy has been a major scare here as well.

JoeUnCool
10-14-2010, 05:56 AM
I've had an off again on again relationship with a dancer for ten years and now I haven't seen her for two. I'm afraid I will always love that one, but at one time it was beyond reason and the last time it was within reason and at arm's length. I knew to keep my heart at a distance and go with the flow and this may have been why we could actually relate sexually this time and little more genuinely.

But since we weren't playing for keeps this time, I could step back and watch for the cracks. And still eventuallly there was a sense of entitlement there on her part.

I may get castigated for this, but where else can I say this on the Internet, but here. This last time around, I did not expect that anything would come of it. So by this time I had a new long term dancer, even longer than her, and someone she knew and had fought with (long story) and I continued my every two weeks dance thing with her no matter what, just in case the thing folded. And they both knew about it ...

Sad

Oh, you are heading for trouble there. Dancers are very jealous of each other in general. The AGF is very jealous of the VGF (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vegas+wife). I mentioned to the AGF last week that I was going to Vegas in a few weeks. The first question out of her mouth was (of course), "Are you going to see that girl out there?!?" Me: "Excuse me?" AGF: "Oh, she's just a hooker....." Me: "Want to see some pics?" AGF:"Ok, she is gorgeous. And she has been talking to you for 2 years since you were last there? You sure you didn't spend $10k on her? And she talks to you?!? Without money?!? WTF?" Jealousy, it will rear its ugly head.

Sad, my friend, get ready for an explosion. Mt. Saint Helens is building up. :(

yoda57us
10-14-2010, 02:23 PM
Granted ITC relationships can be confusing and loaded with double meanings and jealousy (over cash) but the OP was asking about getting serious with a dancer, not juggling ITC/OTC favs. There is quite a difference and the biggest one is always going to be the fact that, if you are dating a dancer, she isn't going to want you spending a lot of time in clubs or with other dancers.

JoeUnCool
10-14-2010, 02:35 PM
Granted ITC relationships can be confusing and loaded with double meanings and jealousy (over cash) but the OP was asking about getting serious with a dancer, not juggling ITC/OTC favs. There is quite a difference and the biggest one is always going to be the fact that, if you are dating a dancer, she isn't going to want you spending a lot of time in clubs or with other dancers.

Agreed. Jealousy is a big deal. However, jealousy happens all the time. I was not commenting on ITC/OTC. Since the comment was about two dancers that don't like each other, I was merely sharing the most recent example I saw. I can go back 20 years to trying to juggle two girls at the same club in Atlanta and the comments both whispered to me about how much one hated the other. ITC/OTC wasn't involved back then. Jealousy will rear its ugly head at any time. As I read it, I would bet that there is a 3 in 10 chance of it happening to Sad. If it does happen, it will be rather ugly given the emotions that are undoubtably involved.

sadbuttrue
10-14-2010, 02:42 PM
Sad, my friend, get ready for an explosion. Mt. Saint Helens is building up. :(
I know what you mean.

Well, the conflict that was in the club did suck, I had to confront the ATF to try to smooth it over between the two so that things didn't erupt. I did that and the next time I came in the bouncer confronted me to find out what was up! He was worried something would happen, but I got by it. That is now 4 years ago.

The thing that happened 2 years ago with the ATF was a few months long and I killed it as I had no confidence in it. And shortly after that I finished up with the long running favorite, because it was time. She's not dancing any more and is married.

So I'm safe now, but the ATF seems to re-surface every few years. We'll see.

Sad

bem401
10-15-2010, 05:51 AM
There is quite a difference and the biggest one is always going to be the fact that, if you are dating a dancer, she isn't going to want you spending a lot of time in clubs or with other dancers.

Never quite figured this out. I know one veteran dancer who went ballistic because her BF (one of my best friends) and I stopped in for an hour or 2 at another club in town for a couple drinks (and I do mean just drinks).

yoda57us
10-15-2010, 10:33 AM
Never quite figured this out. I know one veteran dancer who went ballistic because her BF (one of my best friends) and I stopped in for an hour or 2 at another club in town for a couple drinks (and I do mean just drinks).

I'm not surprised that you don't understand it BEM. Relationships are complicated. A "dancer friend" or even an ATF is one thing. A relationship is another. I'm also not really surprised that a dancer would be upset by her guy going to a club. I am a bit surprised that the guy didn't know better. I'm sure it bothers some girls more than others but it's incumbent upon the man involved to know where his GF stands on the issue and to respect it. The fact that he didn't know better speaks to how seriously he is treating the relationship.

bem401
10-15-2010, 12:36 PM
I'm not surprised that you don't understand it BEM. Relationships are complicated. A "dancer friend" or even an ATF is one thing. A relationship is another. I'm also not really surprised that a dancer would be upset by her guy going to a club. I am a bit surprised that the guy didn't know better. I'm sure it bothers some girls more than others but it's incumbent upon the man involved to know where his GF stands on the issue and to respect it. The fact that he didn't know better speaks to how seriously he is treating the relationship.

Boy, you'll just say anything in attempt to endear yourself to dancers. She spends a decade and a half selling dances in the club and that's no problem, but the guy stops for a couple of drinks and nothing else and that is a problem? We only avoided her club so as not to disrupt her efforts to make money.

How well does this speak of guys (like you and others) who patronized clubs behind the back of their SO's? This is you speaking, not me. This guy only got caught because he told her we made an innocent visit to a club other than her's. We just percived her as applying a double standard is all.

yoda57us
10-15-2010, 01:10 PM
Boy, you'll just say anything in attempt to endear yourself to dancers. She spends a decade and a half selling dances in the club and that's no problem, but the guy stops for a couple of drinks and nothing else and that is a problem? We only avoided her club so as not to disrupt her efforts to make money.

How well does this speak of guys (like you and others) who patronized clubs behind the back of their SO's? This is you speaking, not me. This guy only got caught because he told her we made an innocent visit to a club other than her's. We just percived her as applying a double standard is all.

As usual Bem you are missing the point. How would my ex have felt about it? Not very good. That's why I never told her. Did I care at the time? No, not really. What does that have to do with this topic? Nothing at all.

It's not a double standard at all. A dancer goes to work every day to make a living. A guy goes into a strip club to watch or touch a strange woman for real or imagined sexual gratification of some sort. I know you perceive yourself as a non customer when you go into a club but the rest of the men in the world go in to see naked women...and we like it! If you can't understand why some gals (who may just happen to be dancers) might be threatened by that you really don't know much about women.

I'm not really sure how you see anything I say as endearing myself to dancers. I was friendly with dancers long before the internet and this site existed. I don't see any of the women who contribute here as a customer and the dancers I do see who are on SW don't read blue or customer convo. How am I endearing myself to dancers? By speaking my mind? I choose not to be adversarial, misogynistic or just plain moronic in my dealings with dancers. That's not an act or an attempt to curry favor. It's my POV on the various topics discussed here and the way I choose to live my life.

Kellydancer
10-15-2010, 01:44 PM
As usual Bem you are missing the point. How would my ex have felt about it? Not very good. That's why I never told her. Did I care at the time? No, not really. What does that have to do with this topic? Nothing at all.

It's not a double standard at all. A dancer goes to work every day to make a living. A guy goes into a strip club to watch or touch a strange woman for real or imagined sexual gratification of some sort. I know you perceive yourself as a non customer when you go into a club but the rest of the men in the world go in to see naked women...and we like it! If you can't understand why some gals (who may just happen to be dancers) might be threatened by that you really don't know much about women.

I'm not really sure how you see anything I say as endearing myself to dancers. I was friendly with dancers long before the internet and this site existed. I don't see any of the women who contribute here as a customer and the dancers I do see who are on SW don't read blue or customer convo. How am I endearing myself to dancers? By speaking my mind? I choose not to be adversarial, misogynistic or just plain moronic in my dealings with dancers. That's not an act or an attempt to curry favor. It's my POV on the various topics discussed here and the way I choose to live my life.

Once again you are on the mark. I would be livid if a boyfriend went to clubs even when I was dancing. Granted I'm from the era of airdances but I would feel it was cheating if he did some of the things that are considered normal now, like touching. I would feel he was bored with me or was looking to cheat. Maybe I look at it that way because I had many married/attached men ask me out while dancing.

yoda57us
10-15-2010, 02:08 PM
I would feel he was bored with me or was looking to cheat. Maybe I look at it that way because I had many married/attached men ask me out while dancing.

Exactly! I think part of the reason many dancers feel the way you do is because they spend their dancing careers being hit on by guys with wives and SO's. Any dancer who has been at it for even a short time knows exactly what goes on inside the club even if it is a low or no contact club.

Kellydancer
10-15-2010, 04:22 PM
Exactly! I think part of the reason many dancers feel the way you do is because they spend their dancing careers being hit on by guys with wives and SO's. Any dancer who has been at it for even a short time knows exactly what goes on inside the club even if it is a low or no contact club.

Yep. Even though I had many married customers who were just into the fun (several would even bring wives) many others were there looking for sex. We all know many guys do go looking for sex, even though many of them claim it's just for fun. I know several dancers who got turned off to dating for awhile because of some of the men.

FBR
10-15-2010, 06:34 PM
When I looked at his hand and noticed his wedding ring, it made me feel sorry for whoever his wife back at home was. It's just like a combination of pity for his wife and pathetic for him.

I get why guys go to strip clubs for the most part, but it's just really put into context when you consciously understand that you're flirting/grinding/dancing with someone's significant other. I know I'm not the guilty one or anything like that, it just bugs me personally.Anna, that is thoughtful of you but the truth of the matter is you keep grinding and we gladly hand over money for that service. When we leave we forget about you as you forget about us. Barring a long term ITC thing (and disregarding the ring) I don't get the conundrum. Please expand your thoughts as you seem pretty sharp.

FBR

JoeUnCool
10-15-2010, 06:51 PM
Anna, that is thoughtful of you but the truth of the matter is you keep grinding and we gladly hand over money for that service. When we leave we forget about you as you forget about us. Barring a long term ITC thing (and disregarding the ring) I don't get the conundrum. Please expand your thoughts as you seem pretty sharp.

FBR

Interesting. Yeah, I know that's basically true for men as we get older and have experience in the SC. For all my talk of AGF/VGF, there's nothing serious. I realize that when I walk out, I don't want to hear about their problems, I don't want them to call them and harrass me with some sob story, I think that this is something that comes with age and experience of the SC game. I didn't have this skill when I was in my 20s. I think that it really depends on the age and amount of experience the person has in the SC game. It's one thing to say that you know its a game, its another to realistically live it and understand it when you are in the game.

Appologies for taking us off on a tangent.

FBR
10-15-2010, 07:30 PM
And as far as "When we leave we forget about you as you forget about us," that may be true, however I believe that a man's behavior inside of the club is very telling of his behavior outside as well. Actually I believe the majority of Junkies are very good at separating the two just as you are good at leaving your job at the door. You do seem to be a bit touchy on the subject as if you have experienced some drama in your life. Just an observation.



Sorry for the length. Just my 2 cents. No limits on length as we all know long is good. Well done and I am sure your post will stimulate some good responses :)

FBR

KS_Stevia
10-15-2010, 08:30 PM
The world is going to end now. I agree with Bem. Nothing wrong with my SO going to another club. Hell, I would prefer he go to another club than come to my club. In fact, my SO was a bouncer at one club when I danced a couple of miles down the road at another.

I've never shared finances with an SO. But if we were sharing finances and strapped for cash, and he spent too much of it in the club, or on anything, I would be pissed.

But going to another club with his buddy for a drink? What's the big deal?

lopaw
10-15-2010, 09:04 PM
Actually I believe the majority of Junkies are very good at separating the two just as you are good at leaving your job at the door.
FBR



Very true. That big ole' shit-eating grin stays on my face up until I unlock my car door. It's then that the club visit is pushed aside and I must drive off, back into the real world :'(.

yoda57us
10-16-2010, 06:55 AM
The world is going to end now. I agree with Bem. Nothing wrong with my SO going to another club. Hell, I would prefer he go to another club than come to my club. In fact, my SO was a bouncer at one club when I danced a couple of miles down the road at another.

I've never shared finances with an SO. But if we were sharing finances and strapped for cash, and he spent too much of it in the club, or on anything, I would be pissed.

But going to another club with his buddy for a drink? What's the big deal?

LOL, for what it's worth I don't think it should be a problem either and I have a fav or two who feel exactly the same way that you do. My issue with BEM's post about his friend is that the friend should have been more aware of how his particular GF/Dancer would feel about it.

Warning: This is just another one of my kiss-ass posts where I attempt to endear myself to dancers all over the internet while sucking up to KS...

rickdugan
10-16-2010, 08:27 AM
...However when a man is married and he's so desperate for the company of a sexy woman, and if he fawns over her by legitimately acting as though he's completely entranced by her... it's just a complete turn off, it's like repulsively pathetic to be on the receiving of this. Even worse, when the married man asks for extras or offers to meet her outside of the club many, many times. That's just downright disgusting...

...And as far as "When we leave we forget about you as you forget about us," that may be true, however I believe that a man's behavior inside of the club is very telling of his behavior outside as well. This same desperate married man will still be desiring/lusting after the company of a sexy woman long after he leaves the club, whether he acts on it is an entirely different thing. Or the same dooshbag married man who wants extras or to have sex with a stripper will still be trying to cheat on his wife, whether it be arranged in the club or not. Also, I don't think that a lot of men in this board just simply forget about us, it's why there are so many strip club regulars, they keep coming back for more...

Actually, the second she exits my hotel room I forget about her.

You need to think that it is "desperation" that drives a married man to do this because it makes you feel stronger or otherwise better, in some way, than he is. It is not, at least in my case. From time to time I have an itch and I scratch it. When I am traveling and I see something I like I make a move if it is available.

And I'll let you in on a little secret - many married men cheat, and the more successful a guy is the more likely he is to do so. I am not trying to justify it, just presenting the reality. And often these guys have wives that they love very much, and some even have great sex lives at home. They cheat because they can - they simply enjoy new toys with a bang. ;)

Fixated or desperate? LMAO - not even close. I have a rotation of strippers that I enjoy in different cities, though it changes frequently as I do not keep close contact and do not see them again if they change clubs. Also, after a few play sessions I usually get tired of one in a certain city and look for a new toy. Simple as that.

I never lie about my marital status and many dancers do not share your views. Hell, one of my biggest problems now is the number (and sometimes random nature) of texts I get from these girls asking when I am coming back to their cities or clubs.

Like it or not, there it is. :P

princessjas
10-16-2010, 09:07 AM
I never lie about my marital status and many dancers do not share your views. Hell, one of my biggest problems now is the number (and sometimes random nature) of texts I get from these girls asking when I am coming back to their cities or clubs.

Like it or not, there it is. :P

Hmm, I think you are wrong here. Hell, the majority of the girls who were turning tricks back when I danced still felt like her. They were completely disgusted by married men who saw them (actually not just the married ones, all men, pretty much), but that was their livliehood, so they put up with it and I assume by their success put on a good show.

It always confused me, tbh, like how they managed to feel that way and actually go through with it. I could never turn tricks and I'm only irritated if there is lying or putting your partner at risk, the infidelity doesn't bother me at all. *scrathes head*

rickdugan
10-16-2010, 09:57 AM
Hmm, I think you are wrong here. Hell, the majority of the girls who were turning tricks back when I danced still felt like her. They were completely disgusted by married men who saw them (actually not just the married ones, all men, pretty much), but that was their livliehood, so they put up with it and I assume by their success put on a good show.

It always confused me, tbh, like how they managed to feel that way and actually go through with it. I could never turn tricks and I'm only irritated if there is lying or putting your partner at risk, the infidelity doesn't bother me at all. *scrathes head*

Hard to say how many went through with it even though they secretly despised it, but some also seemed to strongly prefer my marital status -little chance that I was going to fall in love with her or become a stalker.

Hell, there have been more than a few over the years that had SOs themselves. Nothing is as inconvenient as the cell phone ringing when you are doing nasty things to her, followed with a conversation like:

"Hi Sweetie!"
[caller talks]
"Uh huh, Uh huh, Glad to hear that the night is going well"
[caller talks]
"Yeah, things are running a little behind here, but I should be leaving soon."
[caller talks]
"Sure, I'll call you when I get out of here. I love you!
[caller talks]
"I'll see you soon. Bye."

But there it is.

mr_punk
10-16-2010, 10:34 AM
Actually I believe the majority of Junkies are very good at separating the two just as you are good at leaving your job at the door. You do seem to be a bit touchy on the subject as if you have experienced some drama in your life. Just an observation.sure, PLs compartmentalize just like strippers. unfortunately, some parties think they cornered the market on this feat.


Very true. That big ole' shit-eating grin stays on my face up until I unlock my car door. It's then that the club visit is pushed aside and I must drive off, back into the real world.it's like that old joke about athletes.

Q: what the hardest thing about going on the road?
A: trying not to crack a smile as you kiss the wife and kids good-bye.

rickdugan
10-16-2010, 10:56 AM
I (a clean dancer), on the other hand, would obviously feel differently about certain things, so it makes sense that my feelings towards dancing for a particularly pathetic or disgusting married man would vastly vary from the types of dancers you keep company with.

I don't find myself particularly "pathetic" or "disgusting" but I understand your indignation and I'm not going to argue the moraility of what I do with you or anyone else.

But let me tell you about the "types of dancers" that I keep company with. Virtually all of them do this because they badly need the money. Most of them are single mothers and many of them live in economically depressed areas. They don't have the luxury of sitting out of work for over 10 straight days in a ridiculous gluttony of whiney self pity. They have others that rely upon them and these girls do what they must to put food on the table. I have a tremendous amount of respect for many of the girls that do whatever is necessary to provide for their families.

Far be it from me to tell anyone what to say or think, but I tend to use a lighter hand and consider carefully before I cast aspersions at others. Also, I find that most of us live in glass houses for one reason or another, but there it is.

rickdugan
10-16-2010, 12:02 PM
So don't pretend like you KNOW WHO I AM, based off a silly post that I wrote in the CONFESSIONS thread. I CAN and WILL complain or whine all the fuck that I want to, thank you very much. Also let it be known that I have EARNED the LUXURY of whining/complaining about the seemingly small/unimportant things in my life all I want, since I am the one who is doing a hell of a good job keeping my life as good at is now.

I am responsible, ambitious, intelligent, and hard working enough that I have not made grave enough mistakes that will inevitably fuck with my future. I have no kids to feed or anything like that. Rather, I am pursuing an education and funding it by dancing, so I do not end up like the desperate dancers who need your money for extras. So kudos to me! 8)

Also you might want to rethink this statement "I tend to use a lighter hand and consider carefully before I cast aspersions at others" since it would seem as though you cast aspersions on me quite readily and quite uninformed.


^Self-righteous, condescending AND self congratulatory. Congratulations, you hit the trifecta! :party::party2::hat::tube:

I don't know you at all and fair enough on being out of work because of an illness. So tell me, did anyone go hungry while you were not working? Was a rent payment missed? I'm guessing not, but yet you take issue with people who would be facing those circumstances if not for their strength in doing what they need to in order to provide for others.

And as much as I obviously do not know you or your circumstances, you do not know the circumstances that put these girls in the situations, so until you've walked a mile in their shoes you haven't earned the right to criticize anybody. Is it a grave mistake when a woman marries a man (or simply lives with a guy who promises to be with her forever), has his children, and then he leaves her holding the bag? I've run across more than a few of these over the years.

And, btw, is nobody allowed a mistake in your narrow view of the world? At least these women are stepping up and providing for their children rather than other outcomes, all of which would likely be much worse.

You strike me as young and more than a little tunnel visioned in your view of the world.

Kellydancer
10-16-2010, 02:01 PM
^There you are once again with your aspersions on me... big shocker! I am neither self-righteous, condescending or self congratulatory, but if it comes off that way through text, then oh well, no skin off my back.

It doesn't even matter to me what you say about me. You're entitled to say whatever you want as far as how I strike you, but do I have to care? No. Do I care? No.

So I'm done with this conversation now, it's just futile.

And for the record, OBVIOUSLY I would not consider it "a grave mistake when a woman marries a man, has his children, and then he leaves her holding the bag?" But I DO think women should always be financially independent, married or not. So that by itself is a mistake. Obviously getting married, having kids, then being left by their husband is not. No brainer.

Yes! This actually goes completely with the other thread about men supporting women. I am of the firm belief that women need to be self supporting because you just never know what can happen. I had a friend who's mother was left way back in the 50's. She was a single mother who had to move back home with her kids and go to college. She told my friend and his sister never to rely on anyone. His sister went to college and became a nurse and ended up getting a divorce so she was still able to support herself.

Kellydancer
10-16-2010, 02:10 PM
Actually, the second she exits my hotel room I forget about her.

You need to think that it is "desperation" that drives a married man to do this because it makes you feel stronger or otherwise better, in some way, than he is. It is not, at least in my case. From time to time I have an itch and I scratch it. When I am traveling and I see something I like I make a move if it is available.

And I'll let you in on a little secret - many married men cheat, and the more successful a guy is the more likely he is to do so. I am not trying to justify it, just presenting the reality. And often these guys have wives that they love very much, and some even have great sex lives at home. They cheat because they can - they simply enjoy new toys with a bang. ;)

Fixated or desperate? LMAO - not even close. I have a rotation of strippers that I enjoy in different cities, though it changes frequently as I do not keep close contact and do not see them again if they change clubs. Also, after a few play sessions I usually get tired of one in a certain city and look for a new toy. Simple as that.

I never lie about my marital status and many dancers do not share your views. Hell, one of my biggest problems now is the number (and sometimes random nature) of texts I get from these girls asking when I am coming back to their cities or clubs.

Like it or not, there it is. :P

Yes many men cheat, but doesn't mean it's right. If one is going to cheat don't marry. Even though I have many issues with divorce this is the one time I'd get one. Either that or we'd agree to an open marriage. I do not think it's cute or nice to cheat.


I will try my best to elaborate but I don't know if this is going to articulate what I'm thinking/feeling all that well... :-\

I have no problem with the socially retarded guys who CAN'T get girls, coming into strip clubs, and getting lapdances while thoroughly enjoying the company of a beautiful dancer. Or just strip club regulars who just sort of view strip clubs as a part of their normal culture. Or just [outwardly] polite married men. Or young guys celebrating a bachelor party or just going out for a night of fun.

However when a man is married and he's so desperate for the company of a sexy woman, and if he fawns over her by legitimately acting as though he's completely entranced by her... it's just a complete turn off, it's like repulsively pathetic to be on the receiving of this. Even worse, when the married man asks for extras or offers to meet her outside of the club many, many times. That's just downright disgusting.

And yes, I understand that these married men are just fulfilling a fantasy or getting attention from a woman if their wife is not meeting his needs and he could outright cheat if he truly wanted to, but it just feels wrong to me. Like I said earlier, I have no problem or second thoughts dancing for a polite and respectful married man. But when he's just so desperate, it makes me pity his wife/and or family. And then if he crosses the line, it makes me REALLY pity his wife/and or family for not knowing what kind of a pig is in their lives.

And as far as "When we leave we forget about you as you forget about us," that may be true, however I believe that a man's behavior inside of the club is very telling of his behavior outside as well. This same desperate married man will still be desiring/lusting after the company of a sexy woman long after he leaves the club, whether he acts on it is an entirely different thing. Or the same dooshbag married man who wants extras or to have sex with a stripper will still be trying to cheat on his wife, whether it be arranged in the club or not. Also, I don't think that a lot of men in this board just simply forget about us, it's why there are so many strip club regulars, they keep coming back for more.

Sorry for the length. Just my 2 cents.

Agreed. I will admit I had many problems with married men looking to cheat. I had a few married regulars who only loved the fantasy but were faithful. I don't get it, but it's better than the married guys who wanted to cheat. I believe that a cheater will cheat no matter what.

princessjas
10-16-2010, 06:42 PM
Yes! This actually goes completely with the other thread about men supporting women. I am of the firm belief that women need to be self supporting because you just never know what can happen. I had a friend who's mother was left way back in the 50's. She was a single mother who had to move back home with her kids and go to college. She told my friend and his sister never to rely on anyone. His sister went to college and became a nurse and ended up getting a divorce so she was still able to support herself.

I am not getting in the drama, since I think it is each couples own personal choice as to if the woman stays home and plays the role of nurture to her children or goes off to work and supports them that way while a nanny does most of the nurturing. It's a choice that is pure hell to make.


BUT every single woman does need to be capable of supporting her children and her self. If not you get in situations like your friends mother.....like me. I quit college a semester early for the perfect relationship...and it stayed that way for 10 yrs! Now though, I'm 34 with 2 kids, had to move in with my parents (what fun ::) )for a few months while waiting on and apt and am back in Nursing school. My ex doesn't even take care of our kids, nope, I instead rely on my Dad to put them on and get them off the schoolbus Mon-Thurs. (I'm not a screw-up of a mother, but I leave for classes before they catch the bus and get home after them, so I go to my parents and get them ready for school, then leave, then go back to my parents when I get out of class to pack their lunch, bath them, get them ready for bed, spend time with and tuck them in before I head back to my apt to study.....believe it or not, it's even less fun than it sounds! ;D )

bem401
10-17-2010, 10:34 AM
The world is going to end now. I agree with Bem. Nothing wrong with my SO going to another club. Hell, I would prefer he go to another club than come to my club. In fact, my SO was a bouncer at one club when I danced a couple of miles down the road at another.

I've never shared finances with an SO. But if we were sharing finances and strapped for cash, and he spent too much of it in the club, or on anything, I would be pissed.

But going to another club with his buddy for a drink? What's the big deal?

Hardly think it means the end of the world. You read my post objectively and thoroughly. Someone else did not. My friend and I went to the club to have a drink or two as we waited for his SO to finish up her shift elsewhere so we could go meet her and a co-worker for dinner. There was never any consideration of CR, VIP, cabarets, stage visits, or backrubs. The fact that his SO may very well have been engaged in any or all of those (and hopefully was) at her club while we were having our drinks is the specific reason why we avoided going to her club. He doesn't particularly enjoy visiting her at work, which is understandable, and we'd only have hurt her bottom line for the day by being there. The decision was made before we set foot in the other club that it was to be a very low-key visit. Since I've actually known her longer than I've known him, I wouldn't have tolerated him behaving in front of me in such a way that I felt she'd have reason to take exception to.

Oh and my understanding is she admitted her reaction was a bit harsh a few days later.

yoda57us
10-17-2010, 04:37 PM
Since I've actually known her longer than I've known him, I wouldn't have tolerated him behaving in front of me in such a way that I felt she'd have reason to take exception to.


This is admirable behavior on your part BEM. It's your friend who needs to be more in touch with the emotions of the women he is involved in a relationship with. As I've posted many times I have been friendly with and dated dancers who came down on both sides of this issue. Some have even changed their minds...and changed them back...a few times. Lol, something about it being a woman's prerogative comes to mind. If the lines of communication are open the guy involved should know how his dancer GF feels about him going to strip clubs and he should respect that. I have to be honest, it's never been a topic that dancers were not clear about with me...maybe because I took the time to ask.

Whether you choose to believe it or not, I read everything objectively. That doesn't mean I don't remember the posting history of the people who's posts I'm reading. We will never agree on much here BEM but I read your words, not your mind.

Kellydancer
10-17-2010, 05:02 PM
I am not getting in the drama, since I think it is each couples own personal choice as to if the woman stays home and plays the role of nurture to her children or goes off to work and supports them that way while a nanny does most of the nurturing. It's a choice that is pure hell to make.


BUT every single woman does need to be capable of supporting her children and her self. If not you get in situations like your friends mother.....like me. I quit college a semester early for the perfect relationship...and it stayed that way for 10 yrs! Now though, I'm 34 with 2 kids, had to move in with my parents (what fun ::) )for a few months while waiting on and apt and am back in Nursing school. My ex doesn't even take care of our kids, nope, I instead rely on my Dad to put them on and get them off the schoolbus Mon-Thurs. (I'm not a screw-up of a mother, but I leave for classes before they catch the bus and get home after them, so I go to my parents and get them ready for school, then leave, then go back to my parents when I get out of class to pack their lunch, bath them, get them ready for bed, spend time with and tuck them in before I head back to my apt to study.....believe it or not, it's even less fun than it sounds! ;D )

That has to be very rough. I think it's wonderful when people really work hard like that to make a wonderful life for the kids. Shows what kind of mother one is. Many women (men too probably) make the mistake of thinking the other person will take care of her forever but that doesn't always happen. I also know a few women who were housewives and left widowed by a man. Whether one decides to stay at home is another topic, but I will say that women should be prepared to go back into the workforce at all times because you just never know.

JoeUnCool
10-17-2010, 06:13 PM
I am not getting in the drama, since I think it is each couples own personal choice as to if the woman stays home and plays the role of nurture to her children or goes off to work and supports them that way while a nanny does most of the nurturing. It's a choice that is pure hell to make.


BUT every single woman does need to be capable of supporting her children and her self. If not you get in situations like your friends mother.....like me. I quit college a semester early for the perfect relationship...and it stayed that way for 10 yrs! Now though, I'm 34 with 2 kids, had to move in with my parents (what fun ::) )for a few months while waiting on and apt and am back in Nursing school. My ex doesn't even take care of our kids, nope, I instead rely on my Dad to put them on and get them off the schoolbus Mon-Thurs. (I'm not a screw-up of a mother, but I leave for classes before they catch the bus and get home after them, so I go to my parents and get them ready for school, then leave, then go back to my parents when I get out of class to pack their lunch, bath them, get them ready for bed, spend time with and tuck them in before I head back to my apt to study.....believe it or not, it's even less fun than it sounds! ;D )

Ouch........Don't let it bother you too much. As I find problems happen when you just "quit." Sounds like you haven't quit and are moving forward, a great treat.