View Full Version : STUPID annoying shit I've heard on cam....
Procrasturbator
10-14-2013, 04:40 AM
Grey: well I've offered to tip you lots of times and you always tell me no
Haha what? The delusion is strong with this one.
Wannabedaddy: Look me in the eye, tell me how old you are and admit that you still wet the bed at your age.
Lol how about no. Sometimes I wish I could sterilize guys through the Internet.
SweetJulia
10-14-2013, 04:46 AM
^Ugh Melly that guy sent me a live chat last week. At the time it only had that he owed so and so $25. I promptly told him off for taking advantage of girls and blocked him. And now he owes someone else $7 on top of that? Who the hell is dumb enough to keep giving him stuff when he clearly cannot afford it?
Are you fucking serious? Ooooo, I'd want to like go to whatever fucking city he was in and beat every cent out of him.
JuniperGold
10-14-2013, 05:13 AM
He's one of those, "RRRGH, ARGH, I LIKE NATURAL BEAUTY AND DON'T EXPECT WOMEN TO PUT ON MAKEUP BECAUSE I'M A 'NICE GUY'. MAKEUP BAD, CONFIDENCE GOOD," sorts of dudes.
I used to wear a bit of makeup when I cammed but recently I stripped down to just lip balm and maybe a teensy bit of eyeliner, and I've been getting a lot more pvt's. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup for camming, in fact I kind of miss gussying myself up beforehand. I think it definitely depends on the outfit and theme you have going on though.. I usually look like I'm in my pajamas so looking back on it I realize having a face full of makeup didn't fit.
But that guy has no place to say anything. When regulars barely/never tip or pvt, but won't shutup along with being annoying and rude, I could care less about what they think.
KimKlass
10-14-2013, 05:20 AM
I rarely get actually angry at the things these guys say, but this guy did make me kinda fucking angry earlier. Don't have the chat log, but basically this happened:
Guy who tipped once for my friend's list on MFC comes along in my PM, and outta nowhere asks if I thought about meeting up. I was like ... no? When did this ever become a consideration? I am married. So I tell him that, and he flips his shit and tells me he is deleting me. He said he was deleting me because he "respects the sanctity of marriage" and will not watch me. Then he proceeded to say my husband was a waste of flesh, and if I were his wife, I would neeeeever have to do MFC. Because he has morals and doesn't share???
That was it in a nutshell, but it came out of nowhere and it made me LIVID. Fucking livid. But fuck him, I made like $200 right after that, so he can take his morals and suck my dick.
Note: I am very open about being married, and I even wear my wedding rings on cam!
KimKlass
10-14-2013, 05:40 AM
Oh here we go, I have the log:
12:00:47 AM PapaD18A: looking very great
12:00:53 AM KimKlass: thanks
12:01:42 AM PapaD18A: give any more thought to visiting?
12:01:49 AM KimKlass: visiting?
12:02:26 AM PapaD18A: yes, visiting.. hanging out relaxing with me
12:02:32 AM KimKlass: um lol
12:03:19 AM PapaD18A: so i guess thats a NO you have not thought about it.. i was not joking
12:03:39 AM KimKlass: not a joke? yeah that is a definite no, hun. i am married
12:04:00 AM PapaD18A: well that sucks ass for me
12:04:28 AM PapaD18A: does your husband know you do mfc?
12:04:37 AM KimKlass: obviously
12:05:22 AM PapaD18A: ok.. last thing i will say.. my opinion.. and then i will delete you as a friend and hopefully never bother you again because i am nice...
12:05:46 AM PapaD18A: IF i was married (divorced twice btw and not my fault)
12:05:47 AM KimKlass: why would you delete me lol
12:06:20 AM PapaD18A: i will tell you why i am deleting you after i say the other thing ... patience
12:06:47 AM KimKlass: you're deleting me because i won't meet you? oh well
12:06:52 AM PapaD18A: and dont be mad, justmy opinion
12:07:10 AM KimKlass: oh im on pins and needles waiting for your opinion
12:08:45 AM PapaD18A: first i think your husband is a waste of flesh and a shitty husband for knowing you do this, and not taking care of you in some way that you DONT HAVE TO DO MFC.. my wife/gf/partner would never have to do this or sorry, be allowed to do it as long as
12:08:45 AM PapaD18A: she is with me.. i dont share well
12:09:07 AM KimKlass: welll at least my husband doesnt have to pick up girls from a porn site
12:09:10 AM KimKlass: *shrug*
12:09:38 AM PapaD18A: and i will delete you for the simple reason i really respect the sanctity of marriage and i should not be "looking" at someone elses wife in a wanting way
12:09:59 AM PapaD18A: not picking up.. chatting
12:10:50 AM PapaD18A: but that is your two lives and i hope it is happy and fulfilling to you both.. not for me to judge.. again my opinion, not yours
12:11:03 AM KimKlass: first of all, never ever bad mouth my spouse again, you little asshole
12:11:16 AM KimKlass: second of all, please get the fuck out of here if my morals offend you so
12:11:31 AM PapaD18A: yup.. i have a small asshole.. because i dont share
12:11:49 AM KimKlass: you're just mad because i won't meet you lol
12:11:53 AM PapaD18A: i said.. my opinion not yours.. and best of luck to you..
12:11:59 AM PapaD18A: nope not at all
12:12:09 AM KimKlass: your opinion is shit, and formed on nothing
12:12:18 AM PapaD18A: i did not know you were married, if i had i would not have been looking at you
12:12:27 AM KimKlass: i have on a wedding ring
12:12:30 AM PapaD18A: best of luck again.. tc
12:12:34 AM KimKlass: sorry you aren't observant
12:12:58 AM PapaD18A: i saw.. but lots wear rings to avoid things..
12:13:08 AM KimKlass: fuck you and the horse you rode in on, dude
12:13:11 AM PapaD18A: one of the first things i look for
12:13:16 AM KimKlass: "morals" my ass, what a joke
12:13:26 AM PapaD18A: your hubbywill fuck the horse i am sure
12:13:29 AM PapaD18A: bye
12:13:59 AM KimKlass: loser
12:14:02 AM PapaD18A: and now you can type all you want.. i dont see it because i banned you
12:14:14 AM PapaD18A: fuck life is great
12:14:39 AM PapaD18A: and again.. tc and best of luck to you
VictoriaChaos
10-14-2013, 06:32 AM
^ I love that he felt the need to add that his divorce wasn't his fault.
ROFL
So he got on a cam site to meet up with a woman but god forbid she be married?
I know not to logic the crazy but fuck me.
I can't believe you kept the conversation going for that long...
Procrasturbator
10-14-2013, 06:50 AM
After filling my chat with bs questions for half an hour and requesting that I type (the only reason I went with it is because he was often the only guy with money):
(T) dancingmachine03: Are u intrested in a pvt with me or not?
To dancingmachine03 : Haha of course I am ;)
(T) dancingmachine03: I normally get 30mins whenever I go pvt I hate per min
To dancingmachine03 : Cool, I believe I have that enabled :) Let's go!
(T) dancingmachine03: its kinda hard for me to go pvt since I live with my parents 24/7
To dancingmachine03 : Aww, bummer. Let me know when you have the place to yourself :)
(T) dancingmachine03: I got 22 others wantin a pvt with me also besides u
To dancingmachine03 : Too bad you're broke :( *disconnect*
justanothercamgirl
10-14-2013, 07:18 AM
After filling my chat with bs questions for half an hour and requesting that I type (the only reason I went with it is because he was often the only guy with money):
(T) dancingmachine03: Are u intrested in a pvt with me or not?
To dancingmachine03 : Haha of course I am ;)
(T) dancingmachine03: I normally get 30mins whenever I go pvt I hate per min
To dancingmachine03 : Cool, I believe I have that enabled :) Let's go!
(T) dancingmachine03: its kinda hard for me to go pvt since I live with my parents 24/7
To dancingmachine03 : Aww, bummer. Let me know when you have the place to yourself :)
(T) dancingmachine03: I got 22 others wantin a pvt with me also besides u
To dancingmachine03 : Too bad you're broke :( *disconnect*
JAC's reaction after reading reenacted in animated gif form.
35188
Renton
10-14-2013, 07:26 AM
cheap loser: hi sexy
cheap loser: I like girls faces can you look into the camra and let me see your eyes looking into the camra as if you were looking at me Please :-)
me: I'd love to in pvt sweetie!
cheap loser: ok i like you
cheap loser: do you have a smile
me: uhh yes
cheap loser: go on show me
cheap loser: go on
cheap loser: just a smile
cheap loser: go i know you what to
me: actually I don't
cheap loser: tell me what makes you smile
me: long privates make me smile
cheap loser: ok
cheap loser leaves the room
this was the second time he came in being a cheap loser, otherwise I would've tried a bit more but hah fuck that.
KimKlass
10-14-2013, 07:56 AM
You know what pissed me off the most? My husband is a disabled veteran. It didn't occur to me to mention that to the douchebag, but that really infuriated me. And it didn't occur to me either right then, that he he respects the sanctity of marriage, but has been divorced twice?? I don't know why, but that guy has me stewing over that shit. I can't even sleep. Rarely does anyone manage to piss me off on cam, but that did it. OMFG.
Procrasturbator
10-14-2013, 08:31 AM
cheap loser: do you have a smile
That shit is so aggravating! I actually just went off on my room for that today. A guy asked me to smile for him and I went into this huge rant how if you want a girl to smile, SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE HER SMILE. FUCKING DUH. God, no wonder they have to pay for it.
Ok, this is the last one from this shift so I'll stop spamming the thread... until next time.
(T) eduar61955: Hi there beautiful I was wondering if you would be interested in modeling for my sex toy company ill pay you $30,000 today if u work for me and plus $8,000 a month.
Me: Not really, but let me know if you want a pvt OK? *disconnect*
Sunnylexie
10-14-2013, 09:00 AM
12:09:38 AM PapaD18A: and i will delete you for the simple reason i really respect the sanctity of marriage and i should not be "looking" at someone elses wife in a wanting way
How about respect the sanctity of marriage as in "Mind your own business and don't tell others what their marriage should be like"?}:D
Glamourmilf
10-14-2013, 09:06 AM
I'm not sure if this is the place for this, (or I should start a new thread) but here goes...
I have a repeat custie, who I think is on a loop.
He pops in, turns on his cam, (only shows his torso, and penis), turns on his sound, and just says EXACTLY the same things-EVERYTIME!! You know, in that creepy porn voice that guys get into when they do phone with cam? I try to inject some dirty talk too, but he never acknowledges anything I say!
I know that we all have things that we like during sex that will get us 'off',, but he says the same words as he is masturbating...every time! (I have even stood up on cam so only my va-ja-jay is showing), and eaten something, while he's going at it!
I don't mind it.It makes my job easier, but I'm now thinking that he is recording me, and he has a loop on. Has this ever happened to anyone else? :boggled:
VictoriaChaos
10-14-2013, 09:39 AM
MadeYouLaugh: mmm
hi
where you from
Me: Washington State
MadeYouLaugh: good
oh ok then yall got that good bud over their
Me: Yepp, top notch
MadeYouLaugh: when can i cum see you
Me: What do you mean?
MadeYouLaugh: my boy got a dispensory out their
i wana taste u mmm
Me: I don't meet people
MadeYouLaugh: im not just anybody trust me hun
i'm from boston mass
CanadianRuby
10-14-2013, 09:59 AM
They like when girls smile / look right up close at the camera so they can jerk off onto their computer screen.
Don't do it >_<
audritwo
10-14-2013, 01:23 PM
During a $3 voyeur show where I'm eating a bowl of cereal naked and watching some TV
dildos: bb this is the first time I've ever joined your show. Let's make it special.
A2: Thank you for joining my VOYEUR show! Just sit back, relax, and watch Audri in her natural habitat. If you want to see xyz, take her to PVT! Send her a message for you FREE VIDEO!
dildos: mmmmmm bend over
dildos: bend over
dildos: bend over
dildos: let me see that ass!
A2: Thank you for joining my VOYEUR show! Just sit back, relax, and watch Audri in her natural habitat. If you want to see xyz, take her to PVT! Send her a message for you FREE VIDEO!
dildos: Come on I paid for you
Thinks to myself: 3 bucks... yeah you really bought and paid for me. *rolls eyes*
A2: Thank you for joining my VOYEUR show! Just sit back, relax, and watch Audri in her natural habitat. If you want to see xyz, take her to PVT! Send her a message for you FREE VIDEO!
dildos then proceeds to spam "bend over" and "ass bb" during the remainder 20 minutes. Never sent me a message for his free vid. Shame.
EphemeronXOXO
10-14-2013, 01:47 PM
YAAAYY my first stupid annoying shit material! XD
Partner502: Just Be You Be and I.........U No ??
Just Fine Now and U....??
I Like , U ^;^........No Planz....
Wowza....Soft Handz and All That........My Oh My....
Your Funny and FancyFace.......
Why Not....I Like to Make Me want To.....U no.....??
I'm a Nerd and Shy......
May I Teach you about your Woman Partz......??
Lay Back and Relax.....PLZ
Ok, Just Imagine U and I on the Beaches Eaten Peaches My Dear.....
U Are Beautiful To Me....
Yes and No....
I wish I can Make this Jammie Work when it Needz to Work......
I Wish U were Here.......
Pull it out and.....U Know What I mean......??
What Do U Mean BabiDoll.....??
I Can See That U have oft Handz.......I Like, U ^;^
Are You Married or Somethang like that XOXO ??
EphemeronXOXO: would you like to see my ladyparts love?
dont be shy:)
im a great teacher:)
would you like to come to private with me?
i want to see you on cam
Partner502: Your Lucky that I'm Not There to Cuddle........!
EphemeronXOXO: you must be so sweet
and handsome
Partner502: A Different Kind of Cuddle.......Not that Same O, Same O....
EphemeronXOXO: you mean the naked cuddle?
hmmmmm?
Partner502: Make You Go To Sleep Cuddle....My Lady !?!
EphemeronXOXO: yes please:)
lets go pvt
Partner502: Just Relax
EphemeronXOXO: ^;^
Partner502: I Have BiggFeet and BiggHandz for U..
EphemeronXOXO: hmmmmmmmm
Partner502: You Think that I can't Breathe without That Stuff.........
Partner502: You Think that I can't Breathe without That Stuff.........
BabiBlue Eyez and Curvious Hippz,,,,,,,Must be my Lucky Night......You Lay Back and Watch Me Twerk.........
u like black guys?
4 real act like it
Partner502: ^;^~~~
Red Hairz and All That....Count Me Into.....
U R Fine.......and I want U Too......??
R U Married........??
With Chidren........??
Such Hard Disscusionz.......Let me see
I Can Get it up fo..............
Partner502: Where R U VideoMuscisStarBabiGurl........??
Boi Next Door Door......
like WTF? XD
rachelleigh
10-14-2013, 02:35 PM
I used to wear a bit of makeup when I cammed but recently I stripped down to just lip balm and maybe a teensy bit of eyeliner, and I've been getting a lot more pvt's. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup for camming, in fact I kind of miss gussying myself up beforehand. I think it definitely depends on the outfit and theme you have going on though.. I usually look like I'm in my pajamas so looking back on it I realize having a face full of makeup didn't fit.
Funny, I was the same way. I still wear foundation/coverup/powder/blush/whatever, because my lights are harsh and I use oil so it makes a difference, but I went from full eyeshadow amaze-balls to like...lip stain and a cat eye. I actually miss doing the makeup so often! But yeah, guys will be like, you look so natural, and it's like, well, I'm still wearing all this makeup, y'all...
rachelleigh
10-14-2013, 03:07 PM
Last night things were going AWESOME when I guess I hit the end of my streak. I had one guy get all:
Fart bb
Poop
And then another guy go:
Do you wype well?
Yeah but do you wype well?
And during this a third one going,
Ur droopy bb
U so droopy
U droop
And I'd been talking to a tipper beforehand and I was like, come back! There are weird people in here! And he was like, "Yeah, is it always like that?" and I was like, "No, actually. So come talk to to me."
Snowy0Star
10-14-2013, 03:15 PM
[QUOTE=rachelleigh;
And I'd been talking to a tipper beforehand and I was like, come back! There are weird people in here! And he was like, "Yeah, is it always like that?" and I was like, "No, actually. So come talk to to me."[/QUOTE]
wait so he left because of the trolls?
rachelleigh
10-14-2013, 03:18 PM
Haha no, he stayed and chatted because of that. And I blocked the others.
Sunnylexie
10-15-2013, 12:07 AM
Not really annoying but rather funny:
Me: Hello
Funnydude: hi
Me: how are you tonight?
Funnydude: all right no one likes me preaching in their rooms
whent hey are trying to get down lol
Me: ?
Funnydude: do you speak english or need to translate?
Me: yes I do speak English
Funnydude: ok
people don't like me
they kick me out of their rooms
Me: maybe you are doing something wrong?
Funnydude: they don't like me preaching
Me: well why do you go preaching to a pornsite?
Funnydude: they are trying to put money in their pants and they don't want to hear
because i don't have a church lol
Me: everyone needs money
but you don't go to, say, a gas station and preach there?
maybe cause here, there are more boobs and booty to look at?;-)
Funnydude: i get paid tomorrow
police arrest you at gas station
yes boobs and booty
they don't like my claims
Me*Gets taken pvt* ok talk later
Funnydude *in free chat*: i have something other than boobs and booty i have a snake lol
they want to sin sin sin and i know it will do you in
Jesus Christ gives you good sex
you don't need to sin with it
* leaves*
CourtneyRaine
10-15-2013, 01:32 AM
Not sure if this guy has a humiliation fetish or a slut fetish. What do you think? (Of course this is all in free chat, OF COURSE, which is why I'm no longer even bothering to reply.)
Vidya warrier: hey vixen bitch
Viday warrier: how r u my whore
Me: don't use that kind of language in my room, asshole
Vidya warrier: ok dirty vixen marie prostitute
Vidys warrier: :D how is this dirty street whore
Me: sorry but prostitutes get paid for their work. clearly you are too poor to afford me
Me: it's not my fault you're a broke loser who can't even pay a girl to give him some attention
Vidya warrier: :D lol
Me: it must be a very sad life you live, eh?
Vidya warrier: then u acknowledge u r aprostitute lol
Me: oh i see, you are broke AND you have poor reading comprehension. you seem like a real catch.
Vidya warrier: lol vixen marie prostitute
Vidya warrier: :D u r a big titted whore bb
Vidya warrier: dirty slut
Vidya warrier: u look like a whore vixen
Vidya warrier: u afraid to reply bitch ?
(Actually I was too busy making money replying to paid messages on my other site to further acknowledge immature little boys who think they're big, bad, powerful men- but that was a good guess on his part, eh? I swear, if guys want to be "cruel" to me they're really going to have to come up with something better than that, I couldn't even be bothered to block his lame ass.)
Procrasturbator
10-16-2013, 12:19 AM
(T) guest6926: how old are u and how ıs your nıpple?
(T) BigDtittyfucker10: Slap ads for ur good
(T) BigDtittyfucker10: Ass fuck
(T) BigDtittyfucker10: Big dick up ur ass
(T) BigDtittyfucker10: Dick in ur ass
(T) BigDtittyfucker10: Biggest dick ever in ur ass
(T) BigDtittyfucker10: Like dick in ur ass
(T) BigDtittyfucker10: Slap ass for yes
(T) guest1632: I CAN SEE YOU NAKED
... I think I'm going to concentrate on clips tonight.
nikki187
10-16-2013, 11:06 AM
Asshole: Hey can you turn down your music so i can hear you.
Me: sure I can just go pvt and I will do what you want.
Asshole: you want to see my answer ready....
Asshole has logged off.
MellyMay
10-16-2013, 04:06 PM
dude: OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FOUND YOU HERE! how have you been? It's Jason from high school.
me: O RLY? Then Jason, please feel free to mention what extracurricular activities I participated in back then.
dude: field hockey team.
me: that's funny, my school didn't have a hockey team.
dude: no, FIELD hockey. not hockey.
me: so there was this rumor that she was into field hockey players. it was so hush hush.
dude: uhhhhhhhh. Ok. I didn't go to HS with you.
me: o rly?
TazzieMarie2013
10-16-2013, 04:13 PM
I just started and I have already gotten dumb guys. I just laugh it off and tell them I will if we go private. I have saved myself a lot of free shows just by coming on here and looking around. Seriously, if it wasn't for many of these threads I would have been giving it away for free loads of times.
Sometimes I want to be mean,and I'm a very nice person, but come on ,these guys are on a paying sex site. wtf?? *lol*
I have heard many guys will be mean to try to get a free "humiliation" show. So, I figure that if they do that to me, i will just tell them they can be mean, but they gotta take me private *lol* :D I figure even a second of me being rude, or mean can set them off and make them cum, so I always try to be as nice as possible.
rachelleigh
10-16-2013, 04:53 PM
I just started and I have already gotten dumb guys. I just laugh it off and tell them I will if we go private. I have saved myself a lot of free shows just by coming on here and looking around. Seriously, if it wasn't for many of these threads I would have been giving it away for free loads of times.
Sometimes I want to be mean,and I'm a very nice person, but come on ,these guys are on a paying sex site. wtf?? *lol*
I have heard many guys will be mean to try to get a free "humiliation" show. So, I figure that if they do that to me, i will just tell them they can be mean, but they gotta take me private *lol* :D I figure even a second of me being rude, or mean can set them off and make them cum, so I always try to be as nice as possible.
If you're brand new, you show up in a "new models" section on most sites. They assume they can get shit from you. I did a lot of anal within the first minute when I was a new model, for example, because I didn't know how to say no. Good on you for knowing better.
AmethystLily
10-16-2013, 05:30 PM
OMG! I totally feel your pain! I've pretty much given up on making sure my snark filter is turned on, since doing so just renders me speechless. Here are a few things that annoy me. I will include my comebacks where applicable for everybody's amusement.
The other night in a private message:
User: "Can I see your legs?
Me: "I don't know, can you?
*the subject gets derailed*
User: "Legs?
Me: "Yes, I have those.
User: "Can I see them?
Me: "I really don't know much about your capabilities. I mean, I know that you can type, understand English, and speak it--well, write it, anyway."
Another time, a user came in and said, "Lose the glasses," so I said, "Lose your face!"
Once, I had a user tipping me two tokens at a time--ten cents, really?--and expected all this undivided attention from me. He tipped me a total of 80 cents before I banned him. "Look at the camera like you're looking me in the eye," "act like we're kissing," were things he expected for ten cents.
And of course, there are the people who ask me to "stand up," "give me a spin," "lift your top," etc. without tipping me. The other day, I told someone "no," and when they said, "Please?" I said, "I think I'll go into a book store tomorrow and ask if I can have the last Harry Potter book for free. If they say no, I'll say "Please?" and see what that gets me."
I have had several people ask for my Skype info (I charge for the username, and then I charge a per minute rate for Skype conversations.) Some pay me, and they get info in exchange, but I've had basic members try and get me to give it to them for free. I don't know what makes them think I'm just going to give that info to someone I just met. Why don't I just give out my phone number to random strangers on the street while I'm at it?
I had one person insist on paying me through PayPal, but I can't accept PayPal through MFC. I banned them when they don't take "no" for an answer.
And, I have had several people expect me to turn on their webcam. Dude, I know what a cock looks like. If you want me to turn on yours, then you're going to have to pay.
I've had people ask me if I pee or deficate in private. I should just tell them to initiate a private show with me and they'll find out.
Oh, and I also get questions pertaining to my pubes--am I shaved, am I natural redhead (I have red highlights.) etc.
For the Skype question, I've told a few people to look at my profile for my Skype name. (I have rules and guidelines listed.)
PrincessLavender
10-16-2013, 08:33 PM
IDon'tPayAttention: Is this your house or a studio?
Me: House
IDon'tPayAttention: Is someone with you right now?
Me: No, all alone.
IDon'tPayAttention: I want to watch you get undressed in front of someone in your room. If OK we go pvt right now.
Me: I just told you there is no one else here.
IDon'tPayAttention: OK. Take your bra off for 2 gold?
Me: No
Sunnylexie
10-16-2013, 08:35 PM
In Party chat mode on SM:
Me: *chating to NewGuy*
2ndItem4Free: if NewGuy goes in private I will go too
i want to watch you make him cum---is that naughty?
Me: Ok! then, you've got to convince him go there;)
Me: in pvt, extras arent provided so bring your own lol
After some time, NewGuy actually goes pvt. 2ndItem4Free follows in after like a minute or two.
In PVT (a few minutes into the show):
2ndItem4Free: perfect baby
is he hard?
I ignored his ass, but looked like he really thought I would arrange a pvt and go out of my way to type to him about what the other user is doing so he could enjoy his non-consensual half-text cuckold couple show. Gonna ban him when he shows up again.
PrincessLavender
10-16-2013, 08:38 PM
dude: OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FOUND YOU HERE! how have you been? It's Jason from high school.
me: O RLY? Then Jason, please feel free to mention what extracurricular activities I participated in back then.
dude: field hockey team.
me: that's funny, my school didn't have a hockey team.
dude: no, FIELD hockey. not hockey.
me: so there was this rumor that she was into field hockey players. it was so hush hush.
dude: uhhhhhhhh. Ok. I didn't go to HS with you.
me: o rly?
Lol. I love when they try this. Had one guy say something about how he thought I was so hot in high school. I asked him what his name was and he said something like he didn't want me to know who he was but we had 2nd period together in 11th grade. I went to a vocational school in 11th grade and everyone in my 2nd period was female. Nice try fucktard.
CourtneyRaine
10-17-2013, 12:21 AM
Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God. When guys send me their very own erotic short stories I absolutely lose my shit. Some of this stuff, man- How Do They Think This Is Sexy????? I write erotica professionally so I guess I have slightly higher standards than the average reader but Come On! Here are some side-splitting excerpts from the most recent story I've received:
"Wow, nipples hard enough to cut glass, I like that." Not sure I want to imagine my nips and broken glass at the same time, bro.
"I fight the urge to release my mango into your hot and wet pussy, but it is not easy." Your MANGO???? Not even mango juice? Just mango? Okay, I guess we can go with that. I guess.
"Oh my fucking God, I can feel him pushing on my cervix, Oh my God, I am coming so hard!" Because getting hit in the cervix always makes a lady orgasm, didn't you know? It's so not the equivalent on the pain scale of a guy getting kicked square in the nuts.
This. Is. Unintentionally hysterical. I'm dead.
ETA the next morning for even more lols, I just got a message from this guy asking if I think his story is good enough to publish. I think I am speechless.
MissMorvahna
10-17-2013, 01:26 AM
Once had a guy come into my room, begging for shit, and when I said I would do whatever for a tip, he claimed that he was an employee for the site I was on and didn't have to pay.... Really.
OJenni!
10-17-2013, 02:18 AM
This...
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Snowy0Star
10-17-2013, 02:22 AM
This...
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wow so because the internet if free EVERYTHING on the internet should be free too? Ask him to go to any other service thats internet based and ask how that works out for him....
Procrasturbator
10-17-2013, 02:43 AM
This...
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Lmao, no it's not. Unless you live in your parents' basement, of course.
AmethystLily
10-17-2013, 03:22 AM
Oh yeah! I've also been accused of "wasting people's time" when I wouldn't show my tits to a bunch of freeloading assholes.
Fallenangel2904
10-17-2013, 05:19 AM
IDon'tPayAttention: Is this your house or a studio?
Me: House
I get this question ALL THE TIME. I was starting to feel like 'wtf does my house look like a studio or something?' And what does it matter where I am, does not effect my ability to properly masturbate. Sheesh. At least someone else has gotten this question.
CourtneyRaine
10-17-2013, 05:54 AM
^Speaking of random and odd conversations about your camming location, I just got this genius:
Dude: can i cum in your pussy bb
Me: Only if you can make me cum first. Ladies first, you know.
Dude: where r u from
Me: I am from the United States of America :)
Dude: what state bb
Me: I'm not really sure why that information is relevant?
Dude: well im from sd n u look a lil native so i was just asking
Me: I'm not really sure how my current state of residence would be indicative of what ethnic group I belong to. The state I'm currently living in is not even my home state, I only moved here three years ago. And even if you knew my home state, how would that help you determine my race or ethnicity? I don't understand.
[Dude leaves]
Comments like this just make me kind of sad for the human race as a whole, and if I ever have children I may very well home school them because I simply do not trust the public school system. Most of these guys don't have the slightest clue about female anatomy, and I get that, and it's somewhat excusable given the unrealistic way pornography depicts female physiology/sexuality. But to honestly think you can classify one's ethnicity purely based on their residence? That kind of generalized ignorance makes me question when and how people have gotten so dumb.
zivlet
10-17-2013, 06:04 AM
I got a couple of trolls in my room last night . This one was funniest.
Prick : 'So are you pregnant?'
Me: 'No, read my tagline and you'd know I wasn't' (I've specified that I'm on my period)
Prick 'Ah just you look bigger than last time I was here'
Me: 'Aw thanks babe, I've been trying to put weight on' (huge smile, sussed him straightaway to be a troll)
Prick 'You're so hot, I love ginger girls' (I'm blonde)
Me 'Aw thanks babes'!
Prick 'Love the black lipstick too!' (It's pinky-red)
Me 'Aw thanks babe!'
*take a drag of my e-cig*
Prick 'Is that crack?'
Me 'I havent shown anybody in the room my crack yet!'
(3 other customers all type 'lol')
Prick (he's a tryer I'll give him that) 'Obviously you haven't been on holiday this year anyway'
Me 'Actually yes, I've been twice'
Prick 'Where to, Great Yarmouth'
Me ' I did go to Great Yarmouth I love it but also to Cyprus and Paphos'
Prick ' You've reminded me I need to buy milk'
Me 'You can buy milk in the marketplace babes' (no idea if anybody has breastmilk for sale atm on AW but worth saying all the same)
Prick 'Anyway you look like you're almost 30, even though you protect yourself from the sun'
Me: 'Seeing as I'm 32 in a few months that's quite a compliment, thank you!!!'
Again lots of lols from the room.And a pvt...
He's gone when I got back,maybe I should have banned but I like playing with toys....
Renton
10-17-2013, 06:16 AM
rocksex: looking gorgious and sex
i need water
also babe
show me yr pusy or boobs
asssssssssssssssssssss
come on i need yr pusy
babes
me: show me tips
rocksex: rocksex: hisexy babehow r u ?yr face is so cute comeon fuck u my duldos take it yr mouth and fun and i wanna fuck u ...very harder............so gorgious smile i love you....plz nude i'm going to exited babymmy panis size 13 inchesmirrorboy: hi bb hru?roc
I didn't add the username accidentally by the way... he just copy/pasted that from somewhere. da fuq.
Sunnylexie
10-17-2013, 06:52 AM
And what does it matter where I am, does not effect my ability to properly masturbate. Sheesh. At least someone else has gotten this question.
It can be relevant for some fetishes, like using something from your kitchen or doing a show somewhere specific, like your bathroom. Also, some look for studio girls to try and get a performer bring another girl in her room for pvt so as to get "2 at the price of 1")
I didn't add the username accidentally by the way... he just copy/pasted that from somewhere. da fuq.
LMAO, trolls of nowadays)) They don't want to put as little effort in mooching as to type their shit, copypasting it instead; and yet expect people do things for them. Almost like if a beggar, instead of sitting at a corner, just left a mug and a sign saying "put change in here".
Renton
10-17-2013, 07:46 AM
moron: HI
HAVE OIL?
moron: PUT IN YOUR NIPPLES AND AFTER GO IN PVT OK?
HAVE PIERCING NIPPLES?
I'm not sure if this person knows how nipples work, but they definitely can't pierce.
AmethystLily
10-17-2013, 12:20 PM
What's with the stupid pet names some of these guys call us? I swear, I want to puke all over my laptop whenever I'm referred to by anything other than my stage name! I never did like those so-called pet names. I should start charging five tokens every time a guy uses any of them. That'll pay for my trip to Sakuracon pretty quickly.
CanadianRuby
10-17-2013, 01:18 PM
Dude: So what type of stuff are you into if you dont mind me asking?
Me: what type do you mean?
Dude: Sexual
Me: I do not discuss that without a contribution. My profile shares a little information.
Okay...can these dudes READ my profile????
I cannot make this any more CLEAR
IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE AT THE TOP, FRONT AND CENTER OF MY PROFILE.
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SavannahLynnn
10-17-2013, 03:20 PM
A guy said it was his first time on sm and he wanted me to be his first (adorable).
Takes me to pvt, doesn't rush or demand anything.
Guy: Do you care if I masturbate?
lmao
SweetNoelle
10-17-2013, 04:08 PM
"That haven ought to be shaven."
I have a very small, trimmed landing strip.
You, sir, can go right ahead and fuck yourself. To quote Stoya, "If you think pubic hair on a woman is unnatural or weird, you aren't mature enough to be touching vaginas."
IsobelWren
10-17-2013, 06:36 PM
...
I asked her about not wanting oral sex. She pointed out that the few times we've tried it, she got a bacterial infection. We both agreed that my saliva probably changed her pH or something such that bacteria can grow better.
Dude! Maybe you should BRUSH YOUR FUCKING TEETH ONCE IN A WHILE! UGH. Ugh. Yuck. Nasty! Fucking hell. I retch. Seriously.
Vagina = pH that's slightly acidic
Therefore, to knock off the pH, you put in something that's a base. Your saliva is naturally a very mild base and shouldn't throw off the pH of the vag unless you were like, drooling buckets onto it for hours every day. Being more base than natural can be influenced by all sorts of things; medication, head congestion, what you just ate, some diseases (diabetes being a big one), salivary flow (how naturally uh...spitty? you are). The overall biggest influencing factor of salivary pH though, is the bacterial load your mouth is carrying. QED, the dirtier your mouth is, the more alkaline (base) your saliva is, the more likely it is you'll give someone BV or a YI. So if, "the few times [they've] tried it" have given her an infection every time, he most likely needs to brush his goddamned teeth. ...orrrr I'm a huge dick and he has like, HIV/diabetes/lupus. But seriously. See a dentist, see a relationship counselor, talk to each other, use some plastic wrap as a barrier when you eat her pussy, it's not fucking rocket science here. Jesus.
Camdudenheim, the solution to your problem is to put on your big boy panties and work on your relationship, not to go make Courtney uncomfortable.
Random fun fact, the pH of your vagina can be changed to more alkaline as mentioned above. It can also be changed to more acidic. The most common cause of this is stress to your body, chiefly starvation. In the US, at least, that frequently means that anorexic women or extreme athletes have rather acidic pussies. It's not like you'll burn a hole through your pants when you get wet, or anything, but it's a noticeable difference. When I was training for marathons/triathlons I'd burn little holes in panties I wore regularly over the course of several months, and there was a rather harrowing experience where a guy I'd just started dating and was therefore having sex with every day, multiple times a day, developed raw, red areas on his cock and the base of his dick which were basically contact burns from my acid vag. He thought I'd given him an STD therefore horrible fight/conversation therefore doctor visit therefore I learned about this whole vaginal pH thing therefore said guy owed me big heap apology.
IsobelWren
10-17-2013, 06:53 PM
INLOVEWITH HISCOCK: mmmmmmm sexy i have fat bald shaved cock and balls bb mmm very smooth and hairless
And when he says, "fat bald" he means himself. He also neglects to mention that the ONLY part that's shaved is his cock and balls. This is my mental picture of him:
http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2012-05-13/1336879216039.jpg
Pic readily available on a public dating profile AND all over 4Chan and Reddit. I'm not slandering or maligning the man in the photo, merely commenting on his physical assets (which he appears to be quite proud of). In light of these facts I don't see a need to obscure his face, but I will if y'all weigh in and tell me you think I should.
I have a feeling some men don't actually need a woman (or anyone at all) in their lives. They could marry their own penises and live happily ever after.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/stanley-lol.gif