View Full Version : STUPID annoying shit I've heard on cam....
peppermint
09-14-2017, 03:59 AM
I have so many guys asking me to meet up with them, lately. It's exhausting, explaining that this is my job/I love entertaining them online/I'm too busy/I have a boyfriend/I have a girlfriend/I'm an imaginary being who only exists on the Internet. When will they get the message? Yeesh.
WendiStarr
09-14-2017, 05:22 AM
It wasn't really annoying but it was weird. I had some guy who came into my chatroom, immediately took me exclusive, and kept repeating his phone number, saying that he wanted me to text him so that he could help me out with money. Out of curiosity I googled his phone number and came up with that number being a phone number to a police department in Southern USA. What the heck? Weirdos trying to get me to text police? Why?
hyori
09-14-2017, 05:27 AM
^^ A kind of brilliant way to get the cops to track you down. Maybe he's a corrupt cop who gets this information and sells it or a legit stalker with a cop background. Maybe send in an anonymous tip to alert their internal investigations team.
DeepThoughts
09-15-2017, 03:14 PM
The part that blows my mind is that they try this old world model of business of "I need to test drive it first" or "let me see the goods and then I will pay". Like this isnt fucking Radio Shake dude its the fucking internet. THE FUCKING INTERNET! That means you pay first!!
Do you think Amazon or Etsy or Ebay has to deal with these asshats asking them to send them the goods and if they like it they will pay :D :D :D Like I seriously wonder cause its like they are all reading the same play book before they get in our chat room and each and every guy seems to have no idea that they are man 1.000.000.000 to ask us the same question or try the same clever line that very day.
I just cant even respond to them anymore. I straight up just pretend they arent there I wont even block because that also is a reaction I just ignore ignore ignore and move on to those who have a clue.
itsnightlight
09-15-2017, 10:35 PM
feetwor: i just got excited i saw a beautiful women who i thought had no socks on and i could see my first pair of feet not on pornhub ahah
feetwor: oh my god maam
feetwor: its so close
feetwor: maam this is to much haha, this is the hardest i have ever been
feetwor: i have never worshipped feet but it is my dream, it would e an honor to worship yours
feetwor: so close haha
foh.
WendiStarr
09-17-2017, 05:25 PM
Wow wow wow wow wow! You are hot baby! Marry me? im serious i want to marry you and support you. Text me so we can get married *he actually typed out his phone number* and then signed out.
What the actual fuck? Lol
Glamourmilf
09-18-2017, 10:00 AM
I have so many guys asking me to meet up with them, lately. It's exhausting, explaining that this is my job/I love entertaining them online/I'm too busy/I have a boyfriend/I have a girlfriend/I'm an imaginary being who only exists on the Internet. When will they get the message? Yeesh.
Omg! This.
I had a customer take me to paid chat that didn't even remember me.
I had notes on him from last year.
He proceeds to tell me that his wife won't have sex with him anymore, and could I PLEASE fly up to Canada and meet him at a hotel?
ROTFLMAO!!
As if!!
Dream on.:withstupi
WendiStarr
09-20-2017, 07:44 AM
Ok, I don't know where the hell sm is getting its customers today. I just had some dude take me Exclusive and go cam2cam. It looked like he was in some third world country shack. How the heck do they even get internet out there? Also, his mom(maybe girlfriend or wife but she looked older than him) was laying on the couch in the background behind him, facing towards the cam. Wth? He showed his face and said,"Hi" in English, and different language to her, and then put the camera on her. She said something in a different language and started laughing. I started laughing too because I'm just like what the hell's going on? I was just sitting there in a bikini like wtf while the cam was on and the lady was smiling and they were gone.
breadandbutter
09-20-2017, 10:01 AM
"So pretty! I am amazed. You don't have to answer if you'd rather not. But why are so many gorgeous babes like you resorting to online dating sites. I'd imagine in your case you'd have your pick of boatloads of men"
I made him add tokens and take me private, didn't have the heart to explain that SM isn't a dating site but told him I'm here to get naked for dudes and keep them company
Splendid
09-21-2017, 10:05 AM
I just had a guy message me on ttm saying he can't pay for messages because the site won't let him add money to his account LOL
I sent him a $5 message back saying he should contact support because that's a real serious issue :)
Procrasturbator
10-01-2017, 10:37 PM
[9:40:39 PM] Him: Do you know who (another model apparently) is?
[9:48:25 PM] Me: No, sorry
[9:54:36 PM] Him: Do you think I should choose you over her?
By the time he replied I was in a 30 minute show, but it's not worth a reply anyway.
LoraDoll
10-02-2017, 12:42 AM
Gallardo100: hello
Gallardo100: whats your service in private ?
https://media.giphy.com/media/140lcuYKYpVWGA/giphy.gif
I m a plumber, and also I can fix broken toilets! /:O/:O/:O
LoraDoll
10-06-2017, 04:37 AM
more and more times I see:
"toilet games bb". I mean... at least 2-3 different guy ask that in every hour I spend online. On my site, I never seen such thing before. More and more weirdo.
https://i.giphy.com/media/l0Iyn4qF9SUbNjJhm/giphy.webp
Girl Anachronism
10-08-2017, 12:13 PM
random guy sent me this message out of nowhere.. i've never spoken to him and this wasn't provoked in any way. of course he didn't tip me either... wtf. you could at least say hello first? blocked
"This MFC Mail is from a normal member, NOT an Administrator, and it has NOT been reviewed. You should NEVER enter your personal username and password on any links this message may contain.
I break up with you because you are just not wild enough After some time has past I invite myself over to your place and you have changed. . ..You let me in but tell me you are getting ready to go out. I can stay and chat but you have to get dressed while we are talking because you dont have much time before you have to leave. . After we broker up you discovered your wild side. You even went out and got new breasts. ...you show me how now you only wear the sexiest lingerie (stockings, garters, stilletos etc. ...you tell me you find the men and women you fuck love you when you wear it. ..I complain that you never wore for me. You say you are sorry but you cannot help it. .but in a very sweet way you let me know this not for me, but for you and this is how you go out now and tease and fuck men and woman how ever you please. i obviously get jealous and ask not to hear of this and for you not to dress so sexy. But you just do it more tell me more, tease me more. I ask is there is anything i can do to get you back...you don't think so but for you to even consider it you make me jack off.in front of you, You are getting ready to party. You suggest maybe i do a line of coke before I go. I ask not too because it makes me so horny. You insist that I do and feel bad that I am so sexually frustrated but maybe later after u get home I can watch you get fucked."
itsnightlight
10-08-2017, 12:19 PM
random guy sent me this message out of nowhere.. I've never spoken to him and this wasn't provoked in any way. Of course he didn't tip me either... Wtf. You could at least say hello first? Blocked
"this mfc mail is from a normal member, not an administrator, and it has not been reviewed. You should never enter your personal username and password on any links this message may contain.
I break up with you because you are just not wild enough after some time has past i invite myself over to your place and you have changed. . ..you let me in but tell me you are getting ready to go out. I can stay and chat but you have to get dressed while we are talking because you dont have much time before you have to leave. . After we broker up you discovered your wild side. You even went out and got new breasts. ...you show me how now you only wear the sexiest lingerie (stockings, garters, stilletos etc. ...you tell me you find the men and women you fuck love you when you wear it. ..i complain that you never wore for me. You say you are sorry but you cannot help it. .but in a very sweet way you let me know this not for me, but for you and this is how you go out now and tease and fuck men and woman how ever you please. I obviously get jealous and ask not to hear of this and for you not to dress so sexy. But you just do it more tell me more, tease me more. I ask is there is anything i can do to get you back...you don't think so but for you to even consider it you make me jack off.in front of you, you are getting ready to party. You suggest maybe i do a line of coke before i go. I ask not too because it makes me so horny. You insist that i do and feel bad that i am so sexually frustrated but maybe later after u get home i can watch you get fucked."
wat. D:
LoraDoll
10-08-2017, 11:41 PM
^ I wondering how much time took for him to put together this mess. Or it came just naturally. Some people really have too much free time. I didnt read it all lol, just a few sentence is a punishment for the intellect.
BadBitch
10-11-2017, 09:31 PM
I was on SM and being tipped flooded by about 5 different guys in my room. A regular was watching me not logged in and messaging me on Skype. He was sending me screenshots of myself and telling me how pretty I looked. Once everyone started to flood me again with tips, the loser had the audacity to start calling me on Skype. Once everyone left and stopped tipping me, I took to Skype and went off on the mother fucker. I told him that it was my job and that was rude for him to do what he did. I then went ahead and blocked him. How fucking RUDE! He had zero respect for me working. Some guys think that this job is all fun and games.
HollyJaydeXXX
10-11-2017, 09:51 PM
They do... they think we’re on here cuz we are just horny bimbos there for their amusement. These guys are STUPID enough to think that this is remotely fun for us.
Teddy_Bear
10-12-2017, 03:24 AM
"Who wants to go halves on tits guys?" A long rant but I'm getting sick of hearing this every day.
Then I wait for the idiots to tip 10 gold each before responding very politely and calmly "so who is going to throw in the extra 10 gold for your flash and who is going to get banned, no titties for you?" I have had full-on meltdowns in free chat about this from broke-ass losers who think that my 20 gold price for tits is a group effort, no guys it's 20 gold from ONE guy but I don't care if you tip it in 1's, 5's, 10's or 20 as long as it's all from ONE pocket. By all means please do throw in 20 gold each to watch though, I love the gentlemen that do that and I believe the record is $120 for one tit flash across 6 generous guys and they told me to get re-dressed I didn't have to sit naked to accommodate them all - a flash is a flash. I love real men:D
Great way of getting extra 10's as well when more than one guy throws in to 'go halves' lol. Oh and tipping 10 gold then begging will get you absolutely nowhere, telling me I'm wayyyyy more expensive than anyone else's flash or 'are my tits made of gold' etc. will just get me to ignore you, possibly even if you throw in the extra 10 gold.
I love it when they come up with their own 'deals' and then whinge that I won't capitulate to their demands! The clever ones wait for me to agree to their 'terms' (which I never do) before tipping then disappear.
Don't ever try and hustle a hustler!
seashell
10-13-2017, 03:08 AM
random guy sent me this message out of nowhere.. i've never spoken to him and this wasn't provoked in any way. of course he didn't tip me either... wtf. you could at least say hello first? blocked
"This MFC Mail is from a normal member, NOT an Administrator, and it has NOT been reviewed. You should NEVER enter your personal username and password on any links this message may contain.
I break up with you because you are just not wild enough After some time has past I invite myself over to your place and you have changed. . ..You let me in but tell me you are getting ready to go out. I can stay and chat but you have to get dressed while we are talking because you dont have much time before you have to leave. . After we broker up you discovered your wild side. You even went out and got new breasts. ...you show me how now you only wear the sexiest lingerie (stockings, garters, stilletos etc. ...you tell me you find the men and women you fuck love you when you wear it. ..I complain that you never wore for me. You say you are sorry but you cannot help it. .but in a very sweet way you let me know this not for me, but for you and this is how you go out now and tease and fuck men and woman how ever you please. i obviously get jealous and ask not to hear of this and for you not to dress so sexy. But you just do it more tell me more, tease me more. I ask is there is anything i can do to get you back...you don't think so but for you to even consider it you make me jack off.in front of you, You are getting ready to party. You suggest maybe i do a line of coke before I go. I ask not too because it makes me so horny. You insist that I do and feel bad that I am so sexually frustrated but maybe later after u get home I can watch you get fucked."
Lol! Wow. I got one of these on Phrendly recently. He said "finish the story and if I like it I'll send a gift." (Gifts=$)
Nahhh I'm good! XD
SaraLaughs
10-13-2017, 08:25 PM
Ugh, last night I had a customer from SM find me on Skype and ask if I wanna do a show on there. I should have known it was going to go badly at "I don't like using those sites, I prefer PayPal."
After talking him into using a legit indie site, we proceed to 'have fun'.
Right off the bat he tells me not to fake anything, and to just 'be myself, don't do the whole 'camgirl' thing'.
???? Okay, I'll try... I figure he means GFE. Relaxed, funny, casual.
When I show him my sexy panties and try flirting with him, he rebukes me. "You don't have to do that! Just be yourself!"
Jesus Christ man, sorry for trying to have fun here. I suppose he wanted to watch me text my mom in my holey old PJ pants that I'm steadily wiping Cheetoh dust on.
Then he tells me to get naked. Anything to move this shit along. He then makes a series of pretty vanilla but male-centric requests, but EVERY SINGLE TIME, he says "Show me how much you like it. But be real about it, don't fake it like other girls do!"
So while I'm smacking my butt and tits and not moaning in ecstasy, he whines about being turned off because I'm clearly not enjoying it.
So I turn around and say, well why don't we do what I want to do for a bit? He says okay, but when I whip out the vibe, he insists on being 'in charge'. Within 1 minute he asks me to crank it to max. I tell him I don't care to go up that high but he keeps asking til I cave. Uncomfortable, but whatever.
Every single time I moan or try to talk dirty to make it a little more exciting for me, he rebukes me.
"You don't have to fake it like that! Just be yourself!"
15 minutes of that and I'm drier than I've ever been. FINALLY his time is up and I wish him a good night, had a great time, see ya soon I hope. How does he choose to end our session?
"I know you didn't enjoy any of that but thanks for taking my money."
Holy shit. I can't even. I get the fuck out of there, gobsmacked at the fucking nerve.
This morning I wake up to a Skype message. "Hey, sorry if I seemed kind of weird last night- I've just been hurt by a camgirl before when she pretended to love me but was only interested in my money. I just wanted to prove to myself that you weren't all like that- but found myself let down once again. Anyways, thanks for a mediocre time."
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Genoveve
10-13-2017, 09:02 PM
This morning I wake up to a Skype message. "Hey, sorry if I seemed kind of weird last night- I've just been hurt by a camgirl before when she pretended to love me but was only interested in my money. I just wanted to prove to myself that you weren't all like that- but found myself let down once again. Anyways, thanks for a mediocre time."
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Oh hell no. I hope you replied with something like "No problem. And thanks to you for being an awkward fucking weirdo."
Glamourmilf
10-14-2017, 12:43 PM
I had a new customer really save a shitty day on cam yesterday. He bought 2 long shows.
But today he came into my chat room, only to ask me if I had Skype.
Argh!!!
I told him not to mention that,:-X and he ran away... Will probably never see him again.
#WhenGoodCustiesGoBad
Damnit!:'(
itsnightlight
10-14-2017, 04:02 PM
Oh he might come back. I've had guys come in, hate on a show, and rate me BADLY. I'd ban them for a month, and they would call me into a pvt show or tip me big like they didn't even remember me. He'll probably be back :P
LoraDoll
10-16-2017, 10:33 AM
the moment when I just remind the retarded they have to go pvt, if they want something.
guyturken: I want a nice car but I'm pretty sure going into pvt won't help
It s a brilliant idea that cam sites let everyone sign up, at least we got more and more beggars who are just sit on a paying site, and complain openly they dont have a cent to spend. How this job became so retarded lately?
LoraDoll
10-16-2017, 11:56 AM
saxawins: are you a real Prostitute ??
saxawins: i guess you are so unhappy and miserable, you dont get many clients , so now you are cam g
mikyd123: my name is migue
lsaxawins: empty your wallet miguel
saxawins: who wants pvt with a bitch ?
fadifadim: no ?
saxawins: 5$ a minute and she is so fucking miserable
yea. but he who stalking on a paying site without a cent to spend only to "insult" women, he is not miserable. Probably he is so fucked up in his life and have no balls to deal with his issues with the right person, so what to do? Go to the internet, harass anyone without thinking for a second if it make any sense. This is so fucked up, Idk how these people thinking. Oh, I have problems - let s go try to hurt innocent women, why not. Pathetic.
BabyKali
10-16-2017, 01:29 PM
Literally just checked my tags to see "Won't respond" and "preoccupied". No, more like I say, "Hey, how are you today?" You say something obnoxious or I'm just not interested in your freeloading questions and then you tip one gold and write bad tags because you're a cheap, pathetic, time wasting, cunt.
HollyJaydeXXX
10-16-2017, 01:45 PM
ogundipesamuel015: boobs
show boobs in slow motion
HollyJaydeXXX: I got TOYS!!! Let's play with them! I LOVE C2C! 15 Gold in Free Chat for TITS - 8 GOLD in Free Chat for ASS! Pvt/Exc ARE OPEN!
ogundipesamuel015: na im good
ogundipesamuel015 has been blocked.
That is our traffic right there! You tell them to pay and they say 'na im good'
LoraDoll
10-16-2017, 02:16 PM
^ And right after: "okay, but... u dont look happy bb! Why are u not happy?"
HollyJaydeXXX
10-16-2017, 03:08 PM
^ And right after: "okay, but... u dont look happy bb! Why are u not happy?"
Because I am surrounded by idiots lol
LoraDoll
10-16-2017, 03:15 PM
^ But who is the idiot bb? Why am I an idiot? U think with this attitude u ll earn a cent here? No one ll take u pvt like this! Show ass first for US, than I ll think about it! No response? U ignore me? ... ???? ... Answer?! This bitch speak english? Maybe u dont want pvt? I wanted to go pvt, but not like this! Tease me in first, or u not horny bb? Are you ready now? U Hot?
(Hot, for sure. Or better to say, my libido or sexual drive is non existent from the moment I log in to a cam site)
Lmao.
Anyway what i wanna say: I feel u. :-[
HollyJaydeXXX
10-16-2017, 03:33 PM
omg you sound just like every other dude on SM!!!! It's like a fucking new language
Zer0: hey bby
can you please put a dildo in your mouth
Zer0 has been blocked.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FUCK OUTTA HERE
LoraDoll
10-17-2017, 10:08 AM
back to my previous post. Just peeked into a room out of curiousity and what I just saw:
Scorp002: I can not follow you, because not much money. can u do it here? pls.
Same fucking garbage in every room. I swear... this whole picture i get is super low. Kinda disgusting how "members" talk in every room.
Right after a loser say he ll give 5 kred to see ass in free. The model say, she dont show ass in free, but with that he can go pvt, and see. Loser:
"But I want to see it here"
"do it and i beg no more"
I was like... wtf? Anyone got this shit?
CatBBW
10-17-2017, 03:09 PM
I just sneezed and the Freeview room cleared. Sorry if my sneezing puts you off your wanking!! ::)
CatBBW
10-17-2017, 05:28 PM
On AW just now:
Nafeesali934: hows your pussy clean or shaved
Huh?? ...and then he asked me to add him to his Skype. NNNNNNope.
CatBBW
10-17-2017, 05:47 PM
OMFG. Getting worse.
CatBBW: (speaking) hi
wester2500: can u stand for me
CatBBW: (speaking) what do you want to see?
wester2500: show me your fig
wester2500: i like wat i see
CatBBW: (speaking) Lets go to private then, see MUCH more...
wester2500: am free member
wester2500: can we be friend
(KICKED!!)
WTF?! "I am free member" ?!?! aka "I am a freeeloading cheapskate". At least he was honest in the first 3 mins of him finding me, I guess!
LoraDoll
10-17-2017, 06:20 PM
Good one. "free member" is the new "elite" I believe - who get everything for free in every room, or at least they feel entitled. But they would never be so "low" like someone who able to and willing to pay for his requests.
This is getting creepy.
HollyJaydeXXX
10-17-2017, 08:40 PM
After all the dumb shit I’ve heard on cam over the past seven years, this weeks American Horror Story really spoke to me! Lol (The SCUM Manifesto/Anti-Male Movements)
I was like smiling and laughing the whole time! “Yo I really agree with Lena Dunham’s character!!!”
LoraDoll
10-18-2017, 12:14 PM
Rio344: i want amasturbation scebe
Rio344: u agree?
A***: i agree that u are retarded
AND HE FUCKIN ASKS
Rio344: why?
:weeping::weeping::weeping::weeping:
thordrums: *begbegbegbegbeg*
A***: pvt or GTFO
thordrums: GTFO??
10x bann, and he keep coming back to ask "what that means bb" , "but what it means bb?!" , "bb?!"
Nan081 : do u hvae any dildo tu put it into your ass?
It was not a joke, when I mentioned in one of my posts, they can t even type a sentence correctly.
LoraDoll
10-19-2017, 08:45 AM
joshuacolter : Wow darling, I love your biceps. Amazing
joshuacolter : Show biceps and tell me "do u like my guns?" And go to pvt
joshuacolter : Try honey
https://i.giphy.com/media/frdn0r0hUXDTa/giphy.webp
I just laughed.
Another. Guy comes in pvt.
- Hy beautyful!
- Hy what s up?
- Show ass! (I take a deep breath , but I do it)
- Dildo play
I grab 2 toys, and pretend they are fighting or whatever bullshit as "dildo play"I hope , the idiot ll get the message. In meanwhile , we are in pvt 1 min ago
- Both!
*silence*
- (guy:)haha i was just kidding.
- In ur culture, this is something funny?
*silence - I sit down*
- okay let s settle this. U have only a little time to stay?
- 3 min.
*lookin to the picture up there once more*
Pls stop torture me.
seashell
10-19-2017, 12:02 PM
I have this one timewasting guy on Kik who is driving me insane. I told him that I don't chitchat until you buy a show, so of course he messages me every day trying to set up a show, going off on a tangent, and then canceling the show. I haven't blocked him yet, but after typing this out I seriously need to lol
HollyJaydeXXX
10-19-2017, 02:20 PM
49019
oh, so this is what were doing now?
go ahead and play with yourself and we'll see if you're good enough...
FUCK THESE IDIOTS & FUCK THIS STUPID FUCKING SITE
seashell
10-20-2017, 06:52 AM
My little cam slave was not doing anything I asked. He said he couldn't hear me, LOL. It was probably true, his video quality was really bad. I typed to him instead, and told him to spank himself for disobeying, and had to type out the rest of my commands. Damn, I'm only accepting slaves with a good wifi connection from now on.
LoraDoll
10-20-2017, 07:47 PM
yourqueen2: what u drinking
yourqueen2: morning sweety
yourqueen2: heelloo
**at this point I just yawned one*
yourqueen2: wtf is wrong with u ?
**is yawning against the law or what?*
yourqueen2: are not talking ?
yourqueen2: u exept with that attitude and ignorance to make money and have pvt ?
** aka: I m an upset broke guy who stalking around for attention**
yourqueen2: better go to sleep
yourqueen2: i m out
Okay. Was just pathetic anyway.
HollyJaydeXXX
10-21-2017, 03:19 PM
massivecok: It my bday today babe do i get a present xx
**My BAN HAMMER Bitch**
Procrasturbator
10-21-2017, 07:22 PM
^ Omg, same here. Apparently it's everyone's birthday!
Dude has gotten one, yes one, 10 minute show before. A month ago. After a VERY DETAILED (to the minute) play by play of what he wanted to see...
[6:41:10 PM] Him: I've bought a show from you before. As a returning customer what deal can I get for 10 mins? :)
[6:41:33 PM] Me: Sorry, the price is the price ;) 10 is $30
[6:43:43 PM] Him: damn not even on my birthday babe?
[6:43:53 PM] Me: Sorry, no can do
[6:44:01 PM] Him: ouch okay
[7:10:38 PM] Him: well let me know if you're willing to give me a deal for my birthday
Lol. What are you getting me for my birthday?
Kiki_Jane
10-21-2017, 07:39 PM
It's good to know I'm not the only one with demanding guys all the time these days. I feel like it's my first week on cam again... "Hey, can I get a cheeky try before I buy?" "Just show me here then prvt" and all that. I'm sounding like a damn infomercial these days... "It's ONLY 4 gold for me standing!" (big fake tv smile) etc...
KittieVenom
10-21-2017, 10:39 PM
smallpaul: My what a patriotic look, blue and red fucking weird hair and pale , anemic skin. Yikes!
Me: Making fun of my hair and skin tone, very original.
smallpaul: rEALLY? are you going to REPORT me?
Me: Ignores
smallpaul: You probably poop white too. Like a bird.
Where the fuck do I get drugs like this? And how original, making fun of me being pale just because I'm Latina and I don't "look" Latina. Dumbass.
HollyJaydeXXX
10-21-2017, 11:47 PM
Hahahahhaha gimme some of those drugs when you find them!
Sunnylexie
10-23-2017, 06:12 AM
Moron: I can show you my dick if you want
Me: Sure I do! Let's go pvt so you can give me a look.
Moron: can you see it on your cam right now?
Me: No I can't
Moron: why?
Me: Because cam to cam only works in private chats.
Moron: How can I show my cock to you now?
Me: You can't show it in public chat
Cam to cam only works in private chats.
Moron: I don't care, I will show it here
Me: you can show it all you want, but I won't see it
Moron: Why?
How does someone that dumb find his dick in his pants?