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View Full Version : STUPID annoying shit I've heard on cam....



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cherriebomb
03-09-2011, 10:57 AM
Me too!!! Im a terrible dirty talker lol. Im just naturally shy I guess. I hate pushy guys, they annoy the shit out of me. Make sure you charge him for dirty chat if you do it! At least 1.50 per minute. I need to read some erotic stories or something and get some ideas, cause I really am ridiculously bad at dirty talk. The guys always want YOU to carry the conversation on by yourself for the most part too.

miss.adventure
03-09-2011, 11:03 AM
Don't feel bad girls, I suck at it too! It's nice to know I'm not the only one :)

MissEgo
03-09-2011, 11:06 AM
I think I'll just pick up some dirty novels and read them to the guys. lol

nocturne
03-09-2011, 11:20 AM
Dirty talk is so hard. Sometimes it comes naturally for me, but it never comes when a guy spontaneously types, "talk dirty to me." I need something to work with. When I have no idea what he's into, I just sputter random words like I have Tourettes.

Smurfette
03-09-2011, 11:38 AM
Dirty talk is so hard. Sometimes it comes naturally for me, but it never comes when a guy spontaneously types, "talk dirty to me." I need something to work with. When I have no idea what he's into, I just sputter random words like I have Tourettes.

OMG this is the same with me. Sometimes I just start talking dirty on my own, and it sounds okay. But when a guy asks me to talk dirty, my mind goes blank. I sound stupid.

"Ummm... yeaahhh... my pussy's wet... I bet your cock is real hard, huh? I bet it's like, real big... and hard.. mmm... I'm so wet... you wanna fuck me or .. something? :-\"

SexiCal
03-09-2011, 11:39 AM
I just sputter random words like I have Tourettes.

Lol, I thought it was just me.

"Pussy.Fuck.Pussy.Ass.Fuck.Titties.Fuck.Fuck.Pussy." :O

cherriebomb
03-09-2011, 11:40 AM
Can u dirty talk me bb?

Me: Ok...COCK BALLS ASS PUSSY CUM...is that good? Are u like so hard 4 me bb?

I have to be mildly drunk to even talk dirty during sex with my bf, let alone some random ugly guy online. I really need to start drinking a lot more if Im gonna be any good at this cam stuff lol

MarvelGirl
03-09-2011, 12:07 PM
Dirty talk is so hard. Sometimes it comes naturally for me, but it never comes when a guy spontaneously types, "talk dirty to me." I need something to work with. When I have no idea what he's into, I just sputter random words like I have Tourettes.

When I first started doing phone sex, I would think of phrases that sounded good and write them down on a legal pad. Then would someone would call, I could grab the pad and read a couple of them off randomly when I got stuck.

It's way easier to think stuff up in advance then when you're put on the spot.

xxxevexxx
03-09-2011, 12:42 PM
When I first started doing phone sex, I would think of phrases that sounded good and write them down on a legal pad. Then would someone would call, I could grab the pad and read a couple of them off randomly when I got stuck.

It's way easier to think stuff up in advance then when you're put on the spot.

I have read up on erotic stories and taken down notes on sexy dialog. I was thinking about goggling phone sex tips or something along those lines- I'm sure you could find pre-written sexual convo ideas

sexandgrammar
03-09-2011, 01:02 PM
Yeah! I know there's a separate thread for book recommendations, but I can't help it, so here goes:

try reading Carol Queen's "Exhibitionism for the Shy." It's on my bedside table right now & it's fantastic! She has lots of stuff about dirty-talk, and ALSO, refreshingly, a whole chapter about sex work. Needless to say, she's a sex worker herself, so she's very helpful, and nonjudgmental. Highly recommend!

Anais Nin is also a great read, especially "Delta of Venus" and "Little Birds." Beautiful, but absolutely FILTHY language. "Delta" was the first book I ever masturbated to :)

MissEgo
03-09-2011, 01:33 PM
Damn sex, I just closed my amazon wishlist. I added like forty books to it. lol

sexandgrammar
03-09-2011, 01:59 PM
Damn sex, I just closed my amazon wishlist. I added like forty books to it. lol

Haha, yay! I swear, though, each one of these amazing reads has lead me to at least five more, via the bibliography, works referenced, what-have-you. It's a crazy rabbit-hole! It's an addiction! (Although there are worse addictions than books)

Tangentially: I take a REALLY sick thrill knowing that my addiction to sex-positive, radical feminist reading is being funded at least in part by the men who jerk off to me :)

bun
03-09-2011, 02:20 PM
I practice dirty talk while I'm getting dressed.

I have SERIOUS ownership issues. Not a day goes by that I don't say, "You wanna fuck my cock" on accident. :(

The Contessa
03-09-2011, 05:34 PM
"You are a better actor than Colin Firth in the King's Speech"

Smurfette
03-09-2011, 05:40 PM
I practice dirty talk while I'm getting dressed.

I have SERIOUS ownership issues. Not a day goes by that I don't say, "You wanna fuck my cock" on accident. :(

I love telling my boyfriend to "suck my dick", for some reason I think it's hilarious. :D

for example:

"Haha I beat you at Jeopardy AGAIN, suck my dick! Bwahahaha!"

miss.adventure
03-09-2011, 06:17 PM
When I was young and very naive, about 19 or so, I started dating this guy. He was abt 21, hot, rich, his parents had tons of money, and he drove a Corvette! He would take me to the mall, buy me whatever I wanted, take me out to lavish dinners...omg I was in heaven!

One night about 20 mins after he dropped me off at home, he called me. He asked me what I was wearing. I was like...you were just with me, you know what I'm wearing! Why would you say that? Then I realized what he was trying to do! I got so scared I hung up the phone! I have never heard from him since. Needless to say, not one other guy has ever tried phone sex with me, I've never had cyber-sex through IM, I've never even owned a webcam until recently and I have never been naked online for anybody. I've never even have had anybody write me a sexy e-mail or text! I dont know why, it's just never crossed my path in life, dating guys who want this, and I've never hung out in chatrooms or what have you. I am so inexperienced with all of this online, webcam sex stuff...being a camgirl isn't going to be easy for me.

I am one SEXY ASS escort though :)

h0ttie
03-10-2011, 01:55 AM
i suck at dirty talk too i have like four phrases and i just change the words around and say them over and over hahaha

ShellyConnors
03-11-2011, 01:27 AM
Jesus christ I have the WORST comment on one of my promo foot fetish videos on my youtube channel. I am aware that foot fetish is really erotic to some folks, so the occasional naughty message doesn't shock me. But THIS gem? Warning, this is GROSS and WEIRD:

"I would fart blood on your ebony toes and smell the metal, your toes are worthy of entering my brown gap! Ahhhhhhhh I just farted on my thumb, there's a brown stain on my fingerprints! I came again!"

I have several problems with this post. Starting with "fart blood", continuing with "smell the metal". WHAT!?!?! I threw up in my mouth a little on that one.

h0ttie
03-11-2011, 03:04 AM
Jesus christ I have the WORST comment on one of my promo foot fetish videos on my youtube channel. I am aware that foot fetish is really erotic to some folks, so the occasional naughty message doesn't shock me. But THIS gem? Warning, this is GROSS and WEIRD:

"I would fart blood on your ebony toes and smell the metal, your toes are worthy of entering my brown gap! Ahhhhhhhh I just farted on my thumb, there's a brown stain on my fingerprints! I came again!"

I have several problems with this post. Starting with "fart blood", continuing with "smell the metal". WHAT!?!?! I threw up in my mouth a little on that one.

ewwwwwww eww ewww :O

cherriebomb
03-11-2011, 06:45 AM
Ding ding ding.....we have a winner! That is the weirdest shit Ive ever hear. What is wrong with some people? Ugh. Fart blood? The hell?

Arialandre
03-11-2011, 07:13 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh god that was so fucked up, laughing too hard, can't breathe, took my mind off Japan, laugh cramp, LAUGH CRAMP!

MissEgo
03-11-2011, 11:21 AM
"I would fart blood on your ebony toes and smell the metal, your toes are worthy of entering my brown gap! Ahhhhhhhh I just farted on my thumb, there's a brown stain on my fingerprints! I came again!"

Well... the blood/smell the metal part isn't THAT weird... although I'm super into vampire movies (seriously, 15 minutes of Interview with the Vampire and I'm good to go!) lol probably tmi.
But the farting blood? Yeah, that's weird. Makes me think of that guy with the glass jar video. (DON'T GOOGLE IT!)
And ew, who farts on their thumb?
And EW, your toes in his ass? :ill:

ShellyConnors
03-11-2011, 11:34 AM
hmmm ok so most of that was just something i'm unaware of. that's cool. but still GROSS! lol!

bun
03-11-2011, 11:58 AM
I think it's all of those things mixed together. That is just too much nasty for one mind to handle :(

cherriebomb
03-11-2011, 01:33 PM
I get woozy when I think about internal bleeding. Call me crazy lol. I am terrified to have a kid because I will probably pass out knowing whats about to come out of me hahah. I agree with bun...that is just too much weird nasty stuff mixed into one fantasy.

ShellyConnors
03-14-2011, 11:01 AM
Ok, this just in... not really an on cam thing, but a niteflirt message from somebody with the screen name "playboytv" (yeah right)... the part that made me laugh aloud is in bold haha

"Hi there



My name is chris and im a web/graphic designer.

Would you like your own costume niteflirt profile design? it will be done through a theme JUST FOR U not just a regular template i amend for a great price!

_________________________

yes. sign me up immediately.

charlottenh
03-14-2011, 03:01 PM
Yesterday I had a guy come in pretending to be a mother with her 19 year old son. He was telling me that his son had premature ejaculation problems and they came on the site to help him with his "problem". He then pretends to put his son on who types in the same terrible net speak that he was and after 2 sentences the mother jumps back on. He claims to work for Cosmopolitan Magazine and offers me a photoshoot.

Haha it was hilarious how bad the charade was but disturbing at the same time. I am sure I'll get used to this sort of thing being that it was only my second day on cam, but I'll never forget it!

Edit:Annnd he's back today LOL!

AngelCummings
03-14-2011, 11:58 PM
Member"
hey babe, can you roleplay as either Oprah or Fat Albert?"

Umm...I'm 5'8, 138lbs, pale white girl with bright red hair :O

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:




DEAD.

AngelCummings
03-15-2011, 12:16 AM
custy: bb uoipdwuopw
me: sorry baby um i didn't catch that
custy: I can has u?
me: huh?
custy: can u sess me? sjosijopso


ummm wtf?? was that supposed to be comprehensible, or did your keyboard just take shit? /:O

AngelCummings
03-15-2011, 12:29 AM
Oh, and there's the "if I decide to visit -YOUR CITY'S NAME- will you show me around?". Yeah, of course, not only I will flash you my tits for nothing, as you are asking me to do, if you come to my town I'll be your free guide too... Maybe I'll also go sleep on the couch so you can use my bed, and bring you breakfast in the morning...

oh i know right. and dont forget to give him a bj and make him a sammich ::)

i think men sometimes naturally expect us to give them something for nothing, because their mothers provided for them and took care of them without anything in return. grown men should know better though. lol

PrincessLavender
03-24-2011, 10:54 AM
Him: Are you a video or real? If you are real touch your left shoulder with your right hand please
Me: Sorry, this not Simon Says
Him: ah video girl, great

30 seconds later someone else:
Him: flip me the bird show you are real and not recorded
Me: this is not simon says
Him: hmmm simon says flip me the bird
Me: simon says pay me
* he leaves *

Sorry if I'm not jumping through hoops to prove to you I'm real.

DottieMay
03-24-2011, 12:42 PM
I'm new to camming but I can already tell my annoyance level is rising. I hate when guys offer to send me pictures of their dick in exchange for nudes of me. lol I also hate when guys want text messages and stuff from me. But all of the guys that want all this stupid stuff are guys that never get a show. I used to work in a contact peep show type place and I actually like it alot more than camming. I stopped because I was getting burnt out but after camming for a week I want to go back to it.

nicolejess
03-24-2011, 10:54 PM
That i'm begging for tokens by having a goal/countdown/whatever in my topic. Dickhead.

MissEgo
03-24-2011, 11:35 PM
"Hello my Jewish beauty"
I laughed and said I'm not Jewish.
He left. O.o

h0ttie
03-27-2011, 04:01 AM
Him: Are you a video or real? If you are real touch your left shoulder with your right hand please
Me: Sorry, this not Simon Says
Him: ah video girl, great

30 seconds later someone else:
Him: flip me the bird show you are real and not recorded
Me: this is not simon says
Him: hmmm simon says flip me the bird
Me: simon says pay me
* he leaves *

Sorry if I'm not jumping through hoops to prove to you I'm real.

god i dont know why they think we are all videos...i have had guys ask me if im a video while im talking over the mic...really??? lol

brownsugardoll
04-12-2011, 03:22 AM
I had this guy tonight asking to do 2 hour camshow with voice. I knew in my gut that he will reject after I give him the price for it. Stupid men thinking they can get 2 hour camshows for cheap and he apologize for wasting my time damn right better apologize to me for thinking can get me and any cam model with sense for $15 dollars for 2 hours.


[2011/04/12 1:26] Me: Yes, I do cam
[2011/04/12 1:26] Him: hw much fr 2 hrs?
[2011/04/12 1:27] Me: for two hours ?
[2011/04/12 1:27] Him: yes
[2011/04/12 1:32] Him: i will go fr 2 hrs if i can afford u
[2011/04/12 1:32] Me: hw much?
[2011/04/12 1:33] Me: Two hour camshow with voice included $200
[2011/04/12 1:34] Him: oh sssorry u r too expensive for me
[2011/04/12 1:34] Me: I also do shorter length shows 10min $25, 15 min $30 anything for two hours will be more expensive over the obvious long length of time.
[2011/04/12 1:35] Him: i always pay $15 for 2 hrs voice and cam
[2011/04/12 1:35] Me: Two hours long time and I don't undercut myself for doing a show for that long.
[2011/04/12 1:36] Him: sorry to waste ur time

bun
04-12-2011, 03:37 AM
...that dude needs a punch in the nose. maybe he meant 150? I .. would probably do it for 150 provided there was nothing intensive. Like, 2 hours of naked conversation.

brownsugardoll
04-12-2011, 03:52 AM
...that dude needs a punch in the nose. maybe he meant 150? I .. would probably do it for 150 provided there was nothing intensive. Like, 2 hours of naked conversation.

He really want it $15 dollars. I cut out the other part of me asking what he wanted and my limits. He said wanted to casual talk and play with toys.

I had a guy last week that wanted 30 min show for $8.00 dollars. :O

ginger_belle
04-12-2011, 04:16 AM
"Stand up"
"Turn around"
"Can I see your ass"
"Can I see your feet"
"Can I see your toys"
"Do you have stockings"
"Can I see them"
"Do you have heels"
"Can I see them"
"Will you flash for $1 gold"
"Does your man know you do this"
"Can we get to know each other better on MSN"


it makes me wanna SCREAMMMMM

Southernguy
04-12-2011, 04:16 AM
Ladies ladies.....we need to know what country he was from. 15 dollars is more than fair enough wage for two hours of camming in some parts of the world ;-P

ginger_belle
04-12-2011, 04:20 AM
one thing that drives me really nuts is when they keep asking me about my bush. my profile says hairy, I explicitly state that I am indeed a natural redhead SO YES I HAVE A RED BUSH. NO I WON'T SHOW YOU IT unless you take me private! and they always want to know "how much hair bb?" what the fuck, am I supposed to measure it?

PrincessLavender
04-12-2011, 04:40 AM
one thing that drives me really nuts is when they keep asking me about my bush. my profile says hairy, I explicitly state that I am indeed a natural redhead SO YES I HAVE A RED BUSH. NO I WON'T SHOW YOU IT unless you take me private! and they always want to know "how much hair bb?" what the fuck, am I supposed to measure it?

I hate when they ask questions that really have no answer. I was doing a show with a big toy. Its 11 inches and thick. They know before hand I can't fit the whole length. I had one guy keep telling me "push down hard" to fit the whole thing in. Sorry, don't feel like damaging myself internally today.

brownsugardoll
04-12-2011, 04:50 AM
Ladies ladies.....we need to know what country he was from. 15 dollars is more than fair enough wage for two hours of camming in some parts of the world ;-P

The guy told me in UK originally from India. He had payment info on his account. So, I can see he made purchase before. I'm sure he can find a model in 3rd world countries that will do that for him. I honestly think they deserve lot more than $15 for 2 hours.

MistyRose
04-12-2011, 05:19 AM
For whole $15? *gasp* He is SO generous. That would amount to 12.5 cents per minute for performing a sex show.

I would hope that's just not worth it to anyone...not even models from infamously low wages countries. And if he lives in UK, he damn well knows he can't get it for that price. He's probably just hopping around and trying his luck, hoping for someone really desperate.

roast
04-19-2011, 02:56 AM
"Hey my old name used to [whatever], you blocked my old account because of a chargeback, but I had to talk to you again. Please answer me. I miss you so much. I can't wait to play with you again."


"If you give me a free show now, Ill pay you tomorrow when I get my paycheck"
"I will see you when you're ready."
"..... You know what: Cam girls are so fucking evil, fuck you bitch and your fucking high horse, you fucking hooker. I hate bitches like you."
(leans over to ban)
"Wait baby don't kick me out - do you have a payment plan?"


"I love just sitting here and talking to you. The sound of your voice is amazing. I could just sit here all day and listen to you talk." -free chat lounge lizard


(product of a slow day in free chat, I shouldve saved it but it basically went like this):
"My dick is 12 inches long bb, three inches wide. its very hard"
"hmm, sounds like a situation"
"could you handle this dick?"
"well I think you have uh elephantiasis. I think you need a doctor"
"you can be my doctor bb"
'you just need antbiotics according to wikipedia"
"no bb you got what I need with that body bb"
"ok how about some surgery, surgery on that cock..."
"mmm like my dick in that tight wet pussy? can you handle it?"
"we'd have to cut it down-"
"with those big dick sucking lips, I bet you give good head"
"maybe no anaesthesia, I want you to feel it"
"mmmm, yes I want to feel it bb, you know how I like it"
"take my scalpel and just hack away at that cock"
"mmm yes bb, youre so fucking sexy"
"until its a bloody but at least normal sized stump"
"..."
"..."
"did you call me an elephant?"
"no no your cock has elephantiasis... since its 12 inches. its a painful disease caused by parasites. "
"...yea bb let me hurt you with my elephant trunk bb, want me to stick it in bb"

sananeko
04-19-2011, 03:20 AM
"Hey my old name used to [whatever], you blocked my old account because of a chargeback, but I had to talk to you again. Please answer me. I miss you so much. I can't wait to play with you again."


"If you give me a free show now, Ill pay you tomorrow when I get my paycheck"
"I will see you when you're ready."
"..... You know what: Cam girls are so fucking evil, fuck you bitch and your fucking high horse, you fucking hooker. I hate bitches like you."
(leans over to ban)
"Wait baby don't kick me out - do you have a payment plan?"


"I love just sitting here and talking to you. The sound of your voice is amazing. I could just sit here all day and listen to you talk." -free chat lounge lizard


(product of a slow day in free chat, I shouldve saved it but it basically went like this):
"My dick is 12 inches long bb, three inches wide. its very hard"
"hmm, sounds like a situation"
"could you handle this dick?"
"well I think you have uh elephantiasis. I think you need a doctor"
"you can be my doctor bb"
'you just need antbiotics according to wikipedia"
"no bb you got what I need with that body bb"
"ok how about some surgery, surgery on that cock..."
"mmm like my dick in that tight wet pussy? can you handle it?"
"we'd have to cut it down-"
"with those big dick sucking lips, I bet you give good head"
"maybe no anaesthesia, I want you to feel it"
"mmmm, yes I want to feel it bb, you know how I like it"
"take my scalpel and just hack away at that cock"
"mmm yes bb, youre so fucking sexy"
"until its a bloody but at least normal sized stump"
"..."
"..."
"did you call me an elephant?"
"no no your cock has elephantiasis... since its 12 inches. its a painful disease caused by parasites. "
"...yea bb let me hurt you with my elephant trunk bb, want me to stick it in bb"
I'm dead tired.. greatly annoyed.. then I read this and it made my day.. thank you..

MistyRose
04-19-2011, 05:34 PM
Ugh. I hate rude assholes. I just had a guy spend all his 5 mins in free chat, not responding to my hello. I let him sit. He enters my private, which I start politely by welcoming him and he responds with:

"get your tits out"

I replied with: "Get your respect out, asshole." and banned him.

IsobelWren
04-20-2011, 08:23 PM
It just occurred to me that the guys who come in 3 minutes after going pvt are always the ones who say, "you should come over" or, "I wish I knew you in real life."

...why, so you could premature ejaculate on me in person?

naughtycammer
04-21-2011, 01:45 AM
lmao isobel. you're great. :)

PrincessLavender
04-23-2011, 11:07 AM
You ladies are going to love this one. It made my night.

Him: I want to play you.
me: mmm ok lets go pvt baby
Him: go ahead. I'm a member. I'm paid up for the yr.
Me : this is pay per min not pay per yr.
He leaves. Lmao.

Then I had this asshole.
Him: take your bra off.
Me: in pvt
Him: come on. We are your admirers you can show us something.
me: sorry. Nothing is free.
He leaves.