View Full Version : How do you girls get guys to buy you stuff
MarvelGirl
01-03-2011, 05:18 PM
Thats just me though, cant speak for all these other strippers that apparently have sponging boyfriends - even though Ive never known a single stripper friend of mine to be in this situation. I know a lot of the husbands and boyfriends because I actually hang out with the girls I work with and they usually are earning the same or more than their dancer counterpart, but maybe its a regional thing.
This has been my experience as well. All of the husbands and boyfriends I've ever met had jobs and were not shitbags.
On the other hand, I did overhear some rumors about my own husband at a club I worked at. He altered his work schedule so that he could pick me up after work every night (didn't want me driving home tired because he knows how much I hate it). Some of the bouncers assumed that he must not work because he always picked me up and spread around that he was a bum. Eventually one of the girls asked me why I supported his sorry ass and she was shocked when I informed her that my husband brings home just as much money as I do AND his job provides our family with health insurance.
I think a lot of the dirtbag boyfriend theories come from men who are jealous that some other guy is tapping an ass they'd like to get inside.
Almost Jaded
01-03-2011, 07:08 PM
Eh - have to disagree. At least to a point, since I also have to agree a little too.
Regarding the latter, I have had similar rumors started about me, lol. Mostly it's that I'm a pimp. Some are more detailed or include other stuff, but that's the one that other girls and some jealous employees spread the most.
Regarding the former, I'm only counting the ones I know personally. Not 2nd or 3rd hand, or even from some dancers' own mouths, 'cuz you never know when that's a sob story to get money. No, I mean girls I've had to show up and rescue - once at gunpoint - from assholes they were trying to leave, or girls I've put up in our guestroom for same purpose, or girls that fall off the map for a few days, show up beat to fuck, and say the fell down the stairs. Again. Girls that had their lives together until an ex gets out of jail and starts forcing them to use and/or sell drugs again, or even pimps them out. And worse. If I knew where you worked Marvel, I might be able to give you a few names, lol.
KS_Stevia
01-03-2011, 07:15 PM
Temporary Total Disability. Back in April I was injured when we got rear ended while on the clock for my company. Because I was officially on company time at the time of the accident, it became a workers comp case. I have 2 blown disks in my lower back that leave me unable to do any significant traveling, which my job requires. I should have been off of TTD months ago, but they keep denying treatments and arguing about surgery, so I'm still busted up and they're still paying me every 2 weeks. On the upside, the mortgage gets paid and I have a lot of free time. On the downside, TTD isn't exactly keeping me in the lifestyle to which I'd become accustomed, LMAO.
I'm sorry to hear that. Get well soon. I had a feeling that was TTD because I used to work in the insurance field but didn't want to assume. And yup, its such a huge PIA to get the help you need. Did you have a private DI policy or are you trying to go through workman's comp/SSDI? If you are going for the latter, I wouldn't expect to get what you want for 6 months to 3 years from the incident. >:(Let me know if you need a surgeon referral, I have some experience with this through loved ones. Again, get well soon.
Jessie_tinydancer
01-03-2011, 07:22 PM
This has been my experience as well. All of the husbands and boyfriends I've ever met had jobs and were not shitbags.
On the other hand, I did overhear some rumors about my own husband at a club I worked at. He altered his work schedule so that he could pick me up after work every night (didn't want me driving home tired because he knows how much I hate it). Some of the bouncers assumed that he must not work because he always picked me up and spread around that he was a bum. Eventually one of the girls asked me why I supported his sorry ass and she was shocked when I informed her that my husband brings home just as much money as I do AND his job provides our family with health insurance.
I think a lot of the dirtbag boyfriend theories come from men who are jealous that some other guy is tapping an ass they'd like to get inside.
LOL.. My husband used to pick me up too when I lived far away from the club (close now). He used to wake up at 3am, drive 30mins, pick me up, drive back and sleep for 2 more hours and go to his job. Good Men!!
Almost Jaded
01-04-2011, 06:31 AM
Glad to know our broken sleep schedules are appreciated, lol.
It's a corporate WC insurance company and they SUCK. They suck a lot less now that I got a great lawyer on it though, lol. It's been 8 1/2 months and counting. Took them almost 2 months to authorize a damned MRI - then they realized I was actually hurt and STARTED cooperating, though still a PITA. Once an attorney got up their collective asses they turned around real quick, my checks started coming on time, and treatments were at least not dismissed out of hand. Still, they're trying to force a surgery I don't want on one side and refusing other treatments that could prevent it on the other, and other such bullshit. They're so convinced everyone wants to cheat the system that they won't just work with me so I can get better. I find myself WANTING to fuck them over because they've shown such a willingness to do the same to me, lol. Still, idle hands and all that - I hate it. I've got some work done on some projects and some progress on some patents, so I'm looking at it as them being my benefactor and paying me to work on these things that I didn't have time for before, lol.
KS_Stevia
01-04-2011, 06:46 AM
Well, I wish you the best in recovery. There is a back microsurgery center in NYC that is supposed to be amazing, better than the Mayo clinic. I'd like to think they are using nanotechnology in their surgeries but that might be my sci-fi wishes. Either way, they took great care of my friend who has several congenitally herniated discs. I think she used standard insurance for the costs though, or I might be wrong. LEt me know if you want a referral. They use scopes and such, so the scar that's left is very tiny and healing time is faster because its not open surgery.
shift_6x
01-05-2011, 01:06 PM
When everyone views a certain customer in a bad light and u r the one person who has stood by the person through thick and thin trying to influence them to do the right thing n their life then that dancer--me actually is actually like a therapist to the customer. Sometimes people have no one who truly gives a shit if they live or die. I have a couple laptops and several thousand dollars worth of diamonds as well as other things from not doing a damn thing in exchange except being someone's friend. No sexual exchange whatsoever. Only bad thing is that eventually all that ends(especially if they rnt getting anything n exchange which isnt happening with me). So I knew as it was happening to appreciate it while I still had it. Unfortunately this isnt an overly well-to-do area. Its mostly blue collar clientel and sorry but alot of the white collars expect things in exchange and thats a dead end w me.
Golden_Rule
01-18-2011, 08:24 PM
If one needs to forego something else in order to give a gift to a dancer, then he should scale it back or not give one. Obviously nobody is under any obligation to give a gift to a dancer. However, if giving a modest gift to a dancer will result in financial hardship then one should consider whether he should really even be spending money in the clubs at all.
Until this year most of my clubbing activities occurred on the road and I never really cultivated a local fav, but did so this year. I've spent a lot of time with her, both inside and outside of the club, and thought it would be fun to give her something nice, which ended up being a gift card to her favorite makeup store. Now I did not go hog wild - and never will on a gift to a dancer - but did give her enough on the card to allow her to pick up a few items in what is a fairly expensive place (who the hell pays $50 for LIPSTICK?). But it was a win-win as I was able to do something nice for her and she received something that she will use.
Now I must admit that before this year I probably would not have understood the concept of giving a gift to a stripper, but my perspective changed when I started interacting with, and getting to know, her more over time. Beyond the simple dancer/customer relationship there are human elements involved, but of course one can never lose sight of the reality of it and must exercise restraint in this as well as anything else involving a dancer.
Now I mean nothing by this other then to express an opinion.
Question: Would this woman give a gift of similar value to you? If so forgo the following statement as it doesn't apply to your scenario.
You see I don't tend to give things to people as gifts, unless it is charity, in one sided situations. I give gifts to people in social situations because they are the sort of people who might [and probably will] give gifts to me.
Other than that I don't see such things as gifts, but as attempts to curry favor. Attempts to purchase something from someone usually gotten with currency other than money or things: Like companionship or friendship.
I don't try to purchase those things. They are either given by way of free will or not, and if they have to be purchased they aren't worth very much.
Golden_Rule
01-18-2011, 08:32 PM
Men like to give gifts to nice girls. It's something of an instinct.
Yes, it exists, and we have all done it, but let's be very real. Men give "gifts" to nice girls to get their attention. So its not really a gift, is it? Its something else. Its peacock feathers and mating calls.
Its an attempt to get closer to va-jay-jay, not what a real gift truly is, which ought to be simply a token of what is usually mutual social appreciation.
At some level they probably always hope for something in return, but there is just something about a nice girl which makes a man want to give her nice things or help her.
Rationalization. Its all fine and good. I'm not knocking it, but I am not putting pretty flowers and a bow around what is plain and simple mating behavior. I am sure there are the rare exceptions, but people are generally self-motivated and self-interested. There are but a handful of Sister Theresa's out there. The VAST majority of people giving things outside of mutually involved situations [caring, family, friends, social obligation] are those looking to curry favor in some way [gifts to bosses, those in authority, pretty women, etc, etc, etc].
Some girls are just in the know.
No ho'ing involved and it really has nothing to do with stripping either.
Nope, just good ol' fashion feminine wiles. Guys go coo-coo for coco puffs. Some more than others. Its not new news. It is as old as human nature.
G_R, student of human dynamics and various other social studies. }:D
Golden_Rule
01-18-2011, 08:42 PM
I've heard guys gripe that some bitch better bet taking it in the ass and swallowing his load if she expects so much as some cheap flowers ...
On the other side of the same coin don't lump me in with this bunch, please.
Gifts to me, if I have made myself clear, are tokens. Given in appreciation to those who appreciate me in kind. The relationships are reciprocal. I don't see too many of the guys here describing actual, reciprocal, relationships. That tells me that they either have low self-esteem and are trying to purchase friendship, or companionship [which can't actually be purchased], or are looking for something else in return for their generosity.
Like I said, its not new news. Its a very old game.
MarvelGirl
01-18-2011, 11:32 PM
On the other side of the same coin don't lump me in with this bunch, please.
I didn't lump you in with anything or even refer to you. Did I strike a sensitive spot with my casual comment? LOL
It's not a coin GR, it's a spectrum. Does that make my comment easier to understand? ::)
Almost Jaded
01-18-2011, 11:47 PM
I don't think he quoted you because he believed your comment was directed at him, I think he selected your comment because it illustrated the "other side of the coin" he was referring to and allowed him to better make his own "counterpoint".
Meager
01-19-2011, 04:35 PM
Its just a huge lack of confidence.
TiffanyRae
01-19-2011, 05:20 PM
find the old, lonely, fat, ugly guy... like your the hottest girl he could ever get to pay him attention. talk on the phone, maybe even go out to dinner, but make the guidelines known on the phone, that real life and work are two different personas. make him feel close to you by sharing something personal, maybe about your family ("mom my is ill" whatev) itll make him feel closer to you. after about a month of talking on the phone a few times a week and having dinner a couple times, mention you need a car, or boobs, or whatever you want him to buy. make the consultation for plastic surgeon or the car lot and ask him to come with, then tell him you need this he should buy it for you. boom, done. if he says no, onto the next one. its not hard to pick up another loser to use. dont hate the playa, hate the game
kaiarose
01-21-2011, 01:39 PM
I have a few regulars that buy me things. They aren't fat or nasty or ugly IMO. They just appreciate a nice girl and the fact that I appreciate their gifts as well. I know when I buy people presents I feel good about it :) It's a nice feeling to give! Sometimes we can be seen as people rather than just a stripper.
Hopper
01-24-2011, 01:40 AM
Yes, it exists, and we have all done it, but let's be very real. Men give "gifts" to nice girls to get their attention. So its not really a gift, is it? Its something else. Its peacock feathers and mating calls.
Its an attempt to get closer to va-jay-jay, not what a real gift truly is, which ought to be simply a token of what is usually mutual social appreciation.
Rationalization. Its all fine and good. I'm not knocking it, but I am not putting pretty flowers and a bow around what is plain and simple mating behavior. I am sure there are the rare exceptions, but people are generally self-motivated and self-interested. There are but a handful of Sister Theresa's out there. The VAST majority of people giving things outside of mutually involved situations [caring, family, friends, social obligation] are those looking to curry favor in some way [gifts to bosses, those in authority, pretty women, etc, etc, etc].
Gifts to me, if I have made myself clear, are tokens. Given in appreciation to those who appreciate me in kind. The relationships are reciprocal. I don't see too many of the guys here describing actual, reciprocal, relationships. That tells me that they either have low self-esteem and are trying to purchase friendship, or companionship [which can't actually be purchased], or are looking for something else in return for their generosity.
Like I said, its not new news. Its a very old game.
Gifts can be made purely out of appreciation - that's what I was talking about - but the appreciation doesn't have to be mutual. They aren't given in return for something else just because the appreciation isn't reciprocated. It doesn't make it charity either. What they may get "in return" is merely the satisfaction of the impulse to give, which came from their appreciation. I notice you qualified your own statement above with "usually".
So Fine Divyne
01-31-2011, 01:28 PM
Some people are just nice. There was this old man named Paul who had several fav dancers at a few clubs around town. He didn't buy pussy. He bought dances. He owned a construction company and was a nice man. Paul bought all his favs xmas and bday presents, kids too. Usually gold necklaces or earrings. Some girls got gold and diamonds, some only got gold. He didn't expect anything else. But here's one thing almost all the girls he dealt with had children. When back to school came Paul went club to club collecting back to school list and sizes. He delivered school supplies and uniforms every year. If your kid needed new glasses he got them. He was married and his wife knew he came to clubs. He got to know girls and if he liked you, thought you were a good person he helped you.
I was a friend to a lot of his favs so I saw this happen.He helped my one friend who got caught up with a pimp and DHS. He took her out of the club, got her clean, gave her a job and made her work hard. He went to her DHS hearing with her. She didn't get a fluff job. She thought Paul was gonna let her answer the phone. He put her on a crew working construction and made her the hammer girl since she couldn't fuck that up. If she started drugging again he'd fire her ass and not support her at the club at all. She's not the only girl he helped who was off track with children. My buddy got her kid back and went straight. When Paul died he left her & another girl $.He was looking at a property to turn into a bar and knew he was sick and dying. They got that bar with the $ he left. When he died the clubs were sad for weeks cause all these girls had genuinely like this nice old man that helped them when no one else would. There are not many Pauls out there, but they do exist. Everybody is not out for a fuck & chuck. He was nice to everyone though not just strippers.
xGigi
02-02-2011, 06:51 AM
some guys genuinely like to make a girl happy without getting anything in return for it. it's called generosity. not all of us manipulate married old men.
bem401
02-02-2011, 10:25 AM
not all of us manipulate married old men.
Maybe not specifically married old men but let's be honest. For the most part, the whole industry is about manipulation. Dancers trying to manipulate customers and customers trying to manipulate dancers. Those not guilty of at least attempting to manipulate a party or parties of the opposite sex are definitely in a very small minority.
yoda57us
02-02-2011, 07:39 PM
some guys genuinely like to make a girl happy without getting anything in return for it. it's called generosity. not all of us manipulate married old men.
Well, we are getting something in return, it's just not what the cynics think it should be...
To be sure, there are more than enough head-games played in the strip club on both sides but fortunately there are also some genuinely nice people too. Spending money on a dancer or taking money from a customer does not automatically preclude the possibility of two people just being nice to each other.
Almost Jaded
02-03-2011, 05:38 AM
Before MM & I were together & she was "just" my ATF, there were of course a few girls she ran with at that club. One of them was a sweetie but not my type, I tipped her on stage but never bought dances. One night I saw she was a little down & asked MM what was wrong with her. She was a single mom (I already knew this) & the club had been slow that week, she was short of rent and already late paying, and had the rest of that night to make the rest or get evicted in the morning. Now, I;m used to SS have heard similar stories before, but these girls were pretty straight up and this girl had never hustled me or anyone for anything but dances. It was an hour to close, she was $140 short, and there were 3 custies in the place including me. The girl was on the verge of tears.
I told MM to bring her over, handed her $140, and told her to cheer up. She freaked out, lol. She wanted to give me dances or SOMETHING for it; I told her very politely that I liked her but as a stripper she wasn't my type so don't worry about it and no need to pay it back, just pay it forward some day.
I went home happy, and she went home happy, and that's all there was to it. :shrug:
JustAnotherCustomer
02-03-2011, 02:26 PM
Very simple, I only VIP with one dancer at my local SC. I appreciate what she does for me, and I ALWAYS leave happy and completely satisfied after EVERY VIP w/her. :) So whats wrong with a nice gift once and awhile for taking care of me.
Gonna give her a rose dipped in 24 karat gold from http://ihatestevensingeronline.com/detail.aspx?ID=42 its only $60. Nice little thank you, thats all.
bem401
02-03-2011, 02:42 PM
Very simple, I only VIP with one dancer at my local SC. I appreciate what she does for me, and I ALWAYS leave happy and completely satisfied after EVERY VIP w/her. :) So whats wrong with a nice gift once and awhile for taking care of me.
Gonna give her a rose dipped in 24 karat gold from http://ihatestevensingeronline.com/detail.aspx?ID=42 its only $60. Nice little thank you, thats all.
I bet she'd prefer a sizable chunk of the $60 instead.
yoda57us
02-03-2011, 04:44 PM
I bet she'd prefer a sizable chunk of the $60 instead.
She probably would but that doesn't mean she won't appreciate the gift for what it is-a simple gesture of kindness.
A good spending regular who shows up with the occasional gift is not the worst thing that can happen to a lady when she is at work...
DesuvsDeath
02-03-2011, 04:57 PM
Make dinner plans. Cancel them last minute because your laptop broke and you're on your way into work right now because you have this HUGE paper due next week for school so you'll be working day and night till you make the money.
At least... that's how my former roommate got a new computer.
xGigi
02-03-2011, 08:18 PM
Make dinner plans. Cancel them last minute because your laptop broke and you're on your way into work right now because you have this HUGE paper due next week for school so you'll be working day and night till you make the money.
At least... that's how my former roommate got a new computer.
L O L!!!!!!!!!!! that is insane!!! I think I would feel weird about accepting a computer or anything like that from a guy. just give me the money ITC O_O
which leads me to a thought...do you think guys might use presents as a way to manipulate girls to go out with them OTC?
like if a guy says "I bought a computer for you" a girl wouldn't want him to bring it to the club it would get broken or stolen in the dressing room. and I've had guys say things like "let me take you shopping" he obviously means OTC I don't think a guy would bring in a catalogue to the club and just say "circle whatever you want" (although some might)
shift_6x
02-03-2011, 08:40 PM
When you are someone else's friend when everyone else deserts them then sometimes gifts are given without as much as a second thought. Just sitting and listening and checking up on them is all it takes. Pretty much being a therapist. And this includes nothing sexual..no kissing no nothing. Sometimes it really is that simple. And they rnt necessarily desperate either. Men with money know they can spend on whomever they choose. I genuinely care about some of my closest customers and I want the best for them. I dont have any other feelings but friendship feelings and they know that. No sexual exchange whatsoever besides me dancing for them in a club without being touched..Not even a lapdance. But u do have to have something special...Not every girl is capable of dealing w this..
DesuvsDeath
02-03-2011, 08:44 PM
which leads me to a thought...do you think guys might use presents as a way to manipulate girls to go out with them OTC?
Nearly any time I've tried to get presents or get bills payed off the customer has always tried to use it as a bargaining tool to see me OTC. "Oh you need to make money... come to dinner, no obligations, and I'll give you the $$ you need" or "Oh but I'd rather take you shopping so you can get the one you want." [Which is why I gave up long ago and just stick to hustling as much $$$ ITC as possible. ;D]
The only customer I've had buy me presents regularly was a man with a foot fetish who used to buy me shoes all the time. He asked me to make an amazon wish list and then he'd buy shoes off the list for me as long as I wore them in the club when he was there.
yoda57us
02-03-2011, 09:20 PM
which leads me to a thought...do you think guys might use presents as a way to manipulate girls to go out with them OTC?
It may very well be an ulterior motive in many cases but if you are on your game you can often get the goodies without ever having to put out. Favs of mine have gotten laptops, shopping sprees, cash and trips to exotic places without having to sleep with guys. One even turned down an offer of a car. Now, obviously you would have to see a guy outside of the club to get this stuff but you don't necessarily have to have sex with him.
Of course, you are potentially playing with fire once you start trying to manipulate guys to this degree. A lot of them will just give up eventually but some will resort to full-on stalking or worse. The gal who took a laptop and turned down the car wound up getting phone calls form this nut job customer telling her that he was going to leave his wife for her. When she told him to get lost and changed her cell number he started calling on her home phone. He had gotten her license plate number off of her car at work and, by having someone run the plate, he was able to get her full real name and, among other things, her immigration status. He new everything about her personal life that was a matter of record including the names of her kids back in Brazil. He finally gave up when his job transferred him to Florida but he's probably pulling the same crap with some dancer down there now.
Something to remember in the wonderful "information age" that we live in. For a few bucks anyone with some basic information can find out an awful lot about you.
Hopper
02-04-2011, 12:39 AM
^ Reminds me of this paraphrase of an old telecom company jingle: "No-one's safe from anyone anymore...".
SerenaSin
02-04-2011, 06:08 AM
Hmm, this thread is a lot more negative than I'd expected...
Think of it this way- Why do customers tip girls? Sometimes it's to simply show immense gratitude for a job well done (as we all know dancing can be very intense emotional labor for a dancer, it's not just shaking your ass & staring into space w/ these regs. They can be very high-maintenance).
Sometimes money or gifts are given if the customer is very wealthy and he's been coming to the club or to see a certain dancer(s) for many years. Money isn't an issue for these guys.
My reg was supposed to see me the day before i was leaving to go back home for xmas, but something came up and he couldn't come. I'd been really broke lately and was really counting on that $, so he western unioned me the cash so I'd have something to take with me. I didn't pull any pity bullshit with him, I didn't even tell him i needed the money, he's pretty wealthy and he knows i live on a tight budget so he came through for me.
I don't meet him OTC. But he knows that i show my gratitude for his kindness by giving him the best dances I can and always spending the whole time with him and only him when he's in the club.
(I'm not discounting the possibilities of underlying or subconscious ulterior motives btw, I think we all have them to an extent...)
JustAnotherCustomer
02-04-2011, 02:08 PM
I bet she'd prefer a sizable chunk of the $60 instead.
The gift is not in lieu of a tip, its in addition to. I'm sure she will appreciate the thought, and its small enough gift not to give the impression that now she owes me a OTC meeting.
bem401
02-04-2011, 02:55 PM
The gift is not in lieu of a tip, its in addition to. I'm sure she will appreciate the thought, and its small enough gift not to give the impression that now she owes me a OTC meeting.
I never said it was in lieu of a tip, but I still maintain she'd appreciate the money more than a gift. Now, I've given some gifts myself, but they were always something more useful than a flower, say a gift card or perfume. The girls I'm friendly with received flowers more than once from customers on nights when I was giving them a ride home and the flowers went in the trash on the way out as often as not. You are, however, certainly more qualified than me to determine how this particular dancer will react to a flower she could possibly bring home. Something as personal and romantically-perceived as a flower may not be welcome in her private life. Then again, maybe it would.
I just looked at this way.... Given a choice between $500 and a gold flower worth $60 versus $560, I have a hard time envisioning many dancers not going for the cash.
yoda57us
02-04-2011, 03:37 PM
I just looked at this way.... Given a choice between $500 and a gold flower worth $60 versus $560, I have a hard time envisioning many dancers not going for the cash.
In the strictest sense I agree but we could carry that to the extreme. Most dancers would probably rather you buy five dances than four dances and a drink. Still, they happily accept the drink in the spirit in which it is offered. A strip club is a social environment BEM. Yes, it is play for pay but that doesn't mean that all social conventions are rendered meaningless.
There is a social component to the relationship between a dancer and a regular customer even if it's minimal. Sometimes it is far from minimal. Many years ago I sent flowers to a dancer one night when she was working on her birthday. I was working out of town and couldn't be there to do my usual couple of VIP rooms with her. Now, I'm sure she would have loved my $200 that night but she had a good night even without my being there. This was a girl who never left dime on the floor. What she didn't have was any family or friends here in the US to help her celebrate her birthday. She was working her ass off far from home for the first time in her life and she was lonely. I still have the voice mail message that she left calling from the dressing room just after midnight. She was practically in tears as she thanked me for remembering her and even now, years later and long retired, she mentions that gesture from time to time when we talk.
Also, you can't discount the fact that some dancers give gifts too. As a customer who has received gifts from dancers I can tell you that I appreciate the effort and thought of giving more than I would appreciate free dances in the amount of the gift's cost.
Yes, given the choice cash is king but a gift is, quite simply, money you didn't have to spend. It's just being thoughtful. Sure it's much easier to be practical and cynical but being nice is a lot more fun...
Almost Jaded
02-04-2011, 06:11 PM
^That.
bem401
02-05-2011, 07:28 AM
In the strictest sense I agree but we could carry that to the extreme. Most dancers would probably rather you buy five dances than four dances and a drink. Still, they happily accept the drink in the spirit in which it is offered. A strip club is a social environment BEM. Yes, it is play for pay but that doesn't mean that all social conventions are rendered meaningless.
There is a social component to the relationship between a dancer and a regular customer even if it's minimal. Sometimes it is far from minimal. Many years ago I sent flowers to a dancer one night when she was working on her birthday. I was working out of town and couldn't be there to do my usual couple of VIP rooms with her. Now, I'm sure she would have loved my $200 that night but she had a good night even without my being there. This was a girl who never left dime on the floor. What she didn't have was any family or friends here in the US to help her celebrate her birthday. She was working her ass off far from home for the first time in her life and she was lonely. I still have the voice mail message that she left calling from the dressing room just after midnight. She was practically in tears as she thanked me for remembering her and even now, years later and long retired, she mentions that gesture from time to time when we talk.
Also, you can't discount the fact that some dancers give gifts too. As a customer who has received gifts from dancers I can tell you that I appreciate the effort and thought of giving more than I would appreciate free dances in the amount of the gift's cost.
Yes, given the choice cash is king but a gift is, quite simply, money you didn't have to spend. It's just being thoughtful. Sure it's much easier to be practical and cynical but being nice is a lot more fun...
While I understand your perspective on this, let me point out you described a situation where you weren't in the club, not a situation where some of what you brought was already spent before you got there (like JAC) when it could have just been given to the girl. Let me also point out that there has not been a groundswell of dancers telling me gifts are equal or superior to cash. While i agree they are grateful for any gift received, I still am of the opinion they'd prefer the cash spent on the gift to the gift itself.
I agree wholeheartedly on your view as a gift recipient though. The fact that the girl thought enough of me while away from work to purchase me something or bring me something she cooked meant a lot more than a few free minutes in the booth ever did. And let me say that, when it came to presents, the better thing would have been for me to get a gift certificate than a specific item (not that I ever made that known to the gift-giver).
Hopper
02-05-2011, 07:45 AM
I agree wholeheartedly on your view as a gift recipient though. The fact that the girl thought enough of me while away from work to purchase me something or bring me something she cooked meant a lot more than a few free minutes in the booth ever did.
And what it meant was that you would keep paying her for time in the booth. The gift paid for itself, so it could have been an investment.
yoda57us
02-05-2011, 07:57 AM
While I understand your perspective on this, let me point out you described a situation where you weren't in the club, not a situation where some of what you brought was already spent before you got there (like JAC) when it could have just been given to the girl.
That was just one example BEM. The end point is the same whether the giver is in the club or sending something when he isn't there. I have shown up with plenty of birthday or Christmas gifts over the years and they have always been appreciated, quite often reciprocated. Money is what they come to work for but it doesn't mean that the lady does not appreciate the thought that goes in to giving her a gift.
Let me also point out that there has not been a groundswell of dancers telling me gifts are equal or superior to cash.
And there never will be BEM. You already said this. You're just repeating the same mantra using different words.
So I will too...
Cash is why the ladies come to work. We know this already. I'm not talking about guys who try to buy the girls drinks instead of buying dances or offer back rubs or bring in junk food or anything else that is a substitute for spending cold hard cash. I am talking about customers and by virtue of the fact that it is a customer giving the gift it's a given that he is spending money on the lady as well. It's not either/or Bem. I don't ask dancers if they would rather have me buy dances from them or give them a gift instead. I buy the dances and give them a gift. Their income is not being penalized. My financial contribution to them is not being reduced because I bought them a birthday present.
I agree wholeheartedly on your view as a gift recipient though. The fact that the girl thought enough of me while away from work to purchase me something or bring me something she cooked meant a lot more than a few free minutes in the booth ever did.
How is it that you can appreciate getting a gift but find it so hard to fathom that the dancer might appreciate it as well?
A gift, whether given or received, is an acknowledgment by both the customer and the dancer that they are two human beings, not just a pair of tits and a wallet.
bem401
02-05-2011, 08:11 AM
And what it meant was that you would keep paying her for time in the booth. The gift paid for itself, so it could have been an investment.
Actually, the gift I received were from girls I had stopped dancing or never danced with.
bem401
02-05-2011, 08:24 AM
How is it that you can appreciate getting a gift but find it so hard to fathom that the dancer might appreciate it as well?
Next to last sentence in the first paragraph. I said they'd appreciate a gift but prefer the cash, that's all.
yoda57us
02-05-2011, 09:46 AM
Next to last sentence in the first paragraph. I said they'd appreciate a gift but prefer the cash, that's all.
Yes BEM, you've actually said that several times now. We get it.
I will just count my blessings and be grateful that the dancers I choose to spend money on, and buy gifts for, appreciate both the income and the friendly gesture.
bem401
02-05-2011, 12:00 PM
Yes BEM, you've actually said that several times now. We get it.
I will just count my blessings and be grateful that the dancers I choose to spend money on, and buy gifts for, appreciate both the income and the friendly gesture.
If you "get it", then don't attribute comments to me that I have not made. I never said I couldn't fathom a dancer appreciating a gift.
yoda57us
02-05-2011, 03:11 PM
If you "get it", then don't attribute comments to me that I have not made. I never said I couldn't fathom a dancer appreciating a gift.
LOL, that lame comeback again? Seriously Bem you've been down this road so many times and not just with me. I didn't attribute any statements to you. I read your posts here and drew my own conclusion. That's what happens on a chat board.
bem401
02-05-2011, 03:22 PM
LOL, that lame comeback again? Seriously Bem you've been down this road so many times and not just with me. I didn't attribute any statements to you. I read your posts here and drew my own conclusion. That's what happens on a chat board.
So you conclude from "I agree they are grateful for any gifts received" that I can't fathom they'd appreciate gifts. Okay....
yoda57us
02-05-2011, 03:50 PM
So you conclude from "I agree they are grateful for any gifts received" that I can't fathom they'd appreciate gifts. Okay....
I don't draw conclusions from one sentence Bem. I think we're done here. At least for now...
Hopper
02-05-2011, 05:25 PM
Actually, the gift I received were from girls I had stopped dancing or never danced with.
Okay, but you said that the gift meant more to you than free dances, which implies that you still do get dances from them. Since they don't dance for you, is it relevant to the point/topic that they give you gifts? It seems no more relevant than your aunt giving you gifts.
yoda57us
02-05-2011, 05:30 PM
Since they don't dance for you, is it relevant to the point/topic that they give you gifts? It seems no more relevant than your aunt giving you gifts.
:rotfl: :hat:
bem401
02-05-2011, 05:40 PM
Okay, but you said that the gift meant more to you than free dances, which implies that you still do get dances from them. Since they don't dance for you, is it relevant to the point/topic that they give you gifts? It seems no more relevant than your aunt giving you gifts.
I've gotten free dances and I've gotten gifts, though the gifts generally (but not necessarily exclusively) came from girls with whom the decision was made to end the dancer/customer relationship. The gifts received always meant more than any free dances given at an earlier time. And it is quite different than gifts received from my aunts, none of whom ever danced for me.
pcbman
02-06-2011, 12:32 PM
bem, you give the gift of your time and company to your friends in the club. Don't you think they appreciate that more than your money? Gifts are not all wasteful expressions are they?
bem401
02-06-2011, 02:26 PM
bem, you give the gift of your time and company to your friends in the club. Don't you think they appreciate that more than your money? Gifts are not all wasteful expressions are they?
When I was a customer, they wanted my money, not me to spend part of what they might make off me on gifts of my choosing.
Once the plug was pulled on dancer/customer, my time and company were never gifts. I'd stop in to kill 45 minutes or an hour of my time a mile from my house when time permitted. More often than not, meaning they were busy, all we ever did in there was acknowledge each other. If they were in a lull, we'd hang out. Che sera, sera. Presently, so few of them bother going in that I haven't bothered going in for months.
Hey, give them all the gifts you want. I never said they wouldn't appreciate them. I just said they'd prefer the money a customer would spend on a gift to the gift itself, that's all, and not a single dancer has contested that. IMO, I think the gift means at least as much to the guy giving it as it does to the girl receiving it because it's a change in the SOP.