View Full Version : He has an online profile!
Kellydancer
03-16-2011, 11:29 AM
I am going to a singles group and yes I am obsessed with marriage. I am 40 after all and the men I want are disappearing and within a few years will mostly be gone. Trust me, when many of you hit 40 you will question a lot too. And yes there are still guys I want out there. No I will NOT loosen my standards about dating a dad, even if it means I never marry, because I'd rather be single than date a dad, but prefer to be married.
mediocrity
03-16-2011, 11:52 AM
I'm just wondering why the obsession with marriage. I don't really get the motive, I guess? I married my husband because I can't live without him, and love him more than I ever thought I could ever love a human being. You stated you'd settle for an unhappy marriage, so it isn't for love. If you don't like the person you're married to, then it isn't for companionship- who wants to keep company with someone they don't like? You don't want kids, so that's out. As I stated before, the wedding is ONE day.
Marriage isn't like every day is Valentine's Day. To be successful (in my opinion) you first have to have a deep fundamental friendship. You have to be able to work together to make life changing decisions. You build a life together that the two of you desire, work towards goals. Having fun together is IMPERATIVE- whether the fun be sex, a movie, a hike, a road trip or playing Scrabble.
You're going to fight, that's inevitable, but you have to learn to fight fair and not sweat the small shit.
You don't marry the man you can live with, you marry the one you can't live without.
The way you speak of marriage kinda reminds me of when the talking Barbie came out. All of my little friends had one, so I begged and pleaded with my dad to get me one. When he got it for me, I never played with it- I just wanted one because everyone else had one.
Marriage is a lot more serious than a talking Barbie doll.
PS. There is also divorced without kids- just sayin'. I'm one of those people.
Kellydancer
03-16-2011, 11:55 AM
I am considering children so that is a consideration. I just don't want to date someone for years only to have them marry someone else. I don't want to be alone as I get older either and yes I want the big marriage. Divorced without kids might be ok depending on the situations and if he can get it annulled.
mediocrity
03-16-2011, 12:00 PM
Ok, children can be a major concern. But other than that all I see is fear of being alone, mixed with deliberately missing my point. Whatevs.
safado
03-16-2011, 04:15 PM
That's very sad, but still not the reason I don't date divorced dads. I don't want to be a step mom under any circumstances whatso ever.
I have several friends who are divorced dads, and they all have one thing in common, they all have financial problems. After paying child support and all their bills they don't have money for much of anything else. These guys have good paying jobs 94k +(before taxes), one guy with three kids is paying $2,800 a month. They are constantly crying how life is unfair and that they don't have a pot to piss in. Your best bet is to not date divorced dads if you don't want to deal with guys who never have any money, but I am sure that you already know this.
penandink1019
03-16-2011, 04:24 PM
^^^ Been there, done that. (And I was making $150K.)
Mr-Popsicle
03-16-2011, 05:44 PM
So I'm single, Catholic, with no kids, and employed. What advantage will there be to marry you? Are you planning to get a job or be my domestic engineer? Are you gonna bitch and check on me all the time? Are you willing to sign a prenup? I'm all tense ar the end of the day so I hope you'll be understanding. I only want a very obedient wife like holy mother church suggests. I'm a virgin so please be patient but it sounds like you have a lot of experience with sex so maybe you can teach me. Is there an application I should fill out? I promise to be a perfect religious childless husband.
Kellydancer
03-16-2011, 08:52 PM
Ugh. Things like this are so disgusting.
Children do not cost so much to raise that the parent without custody, even with a more than decent income, should be paying so much the other parent can literally sit on their ass and not work for 18 years while the hard working parent struggles to pay his or her bills.
Exactly. One of the guys who I dated had a situation like this. His exwife was a "housewife" and refused to work even after they divorced. She got the house and the car and the guy I dated lived in a basement apartment because he was paying close to 60% of his paycheck to her between child support and alimony. When we would go out we either went really cheap (as in McDonalds and a budget movie) or I paid (which I didn't mind but I didn't think I should pay more). It got to be a pain and I realized it wasn't going to work. I am no gold digger, but it's not fair he couldn't spend much money on me because of his ex. Also, I couldn't begin to mention the times he had to cancel a date because of his kids or ex.
When I first started dating him I didn't think dating a dad would be that bad but it was. Luckily we didn't date long at all. Not to mention he had a ton of ex drama because she always wanted more. He eventually married and his ex went after him for MORE money because his new wife made a ton of money. In some states things like this happen so in essence the new spouse can be supporting the exspouse. Not to mention his new wife eventually divorced him because he didn't want other kids.
I've been called selfish because I don't want to share my money with someone else's kids. If that makes me selfish I am fine with it, but I don't work (and plan to keep working) to support anyone else except me and any children I may have or possible relatives. I don't want to support an exwife or her kids.
luscious sadie
03-16-2011, 11:19 PM
This thread makes me so sad.
TinkerBall
03-17-2011, 01:47 AM
Exactly. One of the guys who I dated had a situation like this. His exwife was a "housewife" and refused to work even after they divorced. She got the house and the car and the guy I dated lived in a basement apartment because he was paying close to 60% of his paycheck to her between child support and alimony. When we would go out we either went really cheap (as in McDonalds and a budget movie) or I paid (which I didn't mind but I didn't think I should pay more). It got to be a pain and I realized it wasn't going to work. I am no gold digger, but it's not fair he couldn't spend much money on me because of his ex. Also, I couldn't begin to mention the times he had to cancel a date because of his kids or ex.
When I first started dating him I didn't think dating a dad would be that bad but it was. Luckily we didn't date long at all. Not to mention he had a ton of ex drama because she always wanted more. He eventually married and his ex went after him for MORE money because his new wife made a ton of money. In some states things like this happen so in essence the new spouse can be supporting the exspouse. Not to mention his new wife eventually divorced him because he didn't want other kids.
I've been called selfish because I don't want to share my money with someone else's kids. If that makes me selfish I am fine with it, but I don't work (and plan to keep working) to support anyone else except me and any children I may have or possible relatives. I don't want to support an exwife or her kids.
So you're anxious to marry. Would you be anxious if you were a guy and the legal system will screw you over? This sounds like a retirement plan for you. We haven't had any snow on the ground for at least a few weeks so I don't know why you're officially waiting for spring to begin on Sunday. So far I'm hearing it's all about you and what you'll get out of it. This reeks of a transaction and not a relationship.
lemiwinks31
03-17-2011, 10:36 AM
Ugh. Things like this are so disgusting.
Children do not cost so much to raise that the parent without custody, even with a more than decent income, should be paying so much the other parent can literally sit on their ass and not work for 18 years while the hard working parent struggles to pay his or her bills.
eh....I'm betting the $2800 also covers alimony...but every situation is unique...
If you get divorced....both of you are going to have to do with less......$2800 seems like a lot but kids are fucking expensive....especially if you have them involved in a lot of activities.....were they going to private school? because 2800/month wouldnt even cover 3 kids...just for school..
If your a dad, you dont want your kids to do with less just because you and your wife couldnt get along. If you didnt want your kids in daycare before, do you want them in there now, so your ex can work? And if you dont care, then the judge will. This example...the guy is still pulling home 4K net per month...
Was it what he was used to? No....but his ex is probably feeling the pinch more than he is.
Its a bad situation for everyone..I know people on both sides....
Guys pissed about paying alot while the bitch ex is "just sitting doing nothing." Was she doing nothing when you were married? or was she raising the kids and taking care of the house so YOUR children have a nice stable happy home.
Moms who are struggling to get by on whatever the amount is....not having a vacation in over 5 years so the girls can still take dancing lessons or the boys can play hockey....
You get divorced.....you BOTH are going to have to sacrifice. Its not the kids fault, but they are suffering as well.....they should be the last ones to sacrifice on top of it.
Kellydancer
03-17-2011, 11:52 AM
Sure, both have to sacrifice, but it is not fair that a third party (in this case the new love/spouse) should have to be responsible too. And yes this is the case MANY times. I just heard about another case where a man didn't pay his child support so his ex is going after this. While this is understandable, what is NOT is the ex is going after the new spouse because she makes a lot of money, much more than the ex. I am going to keep up with this one, because if the exwife wins, then this will affect any future stepparent. So no it's not fair that the new spouse does without because the ex has to still be supported. Incidentally, I do not support the idea of supporting exspouses except in very rare cases. If I was to marry I'd never ask for alimony and the career women I know who divorced didn't ask for this. And yes many exwives (and exhusbands too) who got alimony were lazy. This is especially true when talking about upper classes where the kids are raised more by the nanny than the parents.
So you're anxious to marry. Would you be anxious if you were a guy and the legal system will screw you over? This sounds like a retirement plan for you. We haven't had any snow on the ground for at least a few weeks so I don't know why you're officially waiting for spring to begin on Sunday. So far I'm hearing it's all about you and what you'll get out of it. This reeks of a transaction and not a relationship.
Not all guys gets screwed over. One has to be careful who they marry. I work, plan to keep working even if I have kids. In the event I was to get divorced I would not ask for anything except possibly child support if we have kids, or better yet split expenses for them. I do not like when men get screwed over by the system and yes I would sign a prenup. I haven't gone to the singles group yet because they don't have one until the middle of April. I am going to that.
Kellydancer
03-17-2011, 01:53 PM
Your friend is being screwed but I've heard many stories like that. Like the guys I dated they could barely make ends meet on decent salaries because they had to pay so much. I know one was paying alimony too, not sure about the other.
lemiwinks31
03-17-2011, 02:10 PM
Kids are expensive... but I've got a friend paying 2k a month for 2 kids under the age of 5. No private school... no daycare... the mother has ZERO expenses because she lives at home with her parents for free. When they went to have CS determined... they filled out the paper work saying EXACTLY that. So why is he paying 2k a month when he only makes 3500? Because, he was told, they only care how much money he makes vs how much time he has custody.
If you're paying for private school or daycare that's one thing... but there are so many cases where factors like that don't seem to be taken into account at all. They just give the parent with custody AS MUCH as they decide you can afford to give without factoring anyone's actual expenses. Leaving with the person being screwed without enough money to afford a good enough lawyer to not get dicked.
Of course your kids shouldn't have to do with less because you got divorced... but there's no reason you should be paying 5x what it actually costs to raise your kids.
Anyway. Sorry. Threadjack.
threadjack continued......
i dont know the details so i'm just guessing....maybe the judge thinks that the ex and the kids shouldnt have to live in someone elses house. Maybe he/she realizes that the kids are going to get more expensive as they get older....Maybe he/she was just being lazy and applied a certain formula...Maybe he/she wanted to make sure that if anyone suffers, its not the kids.....
the one thing i have noticed about the people i know that have gone through a divorce.....at least one of the parties thinks they are getting screwed.....and more often than not, both parties do.
safado
03-17-2011, 02:13 PM
eh....I'm betting the $2800 also covers alimony...but every situation is unique...
Well then you would be betting wrong, the $2,800 is all child support. He does not have any alimony payments.
Kellydancer
03-17-2011, 02:19 PM
Does that money include mortgage too? The guys I knew had to pay that on top of all the cs and alimony they were paying. They were resentful and to be honest I'm surprised the one actually remarried. The other told me he would never remarry and I can see why.
I know to some I am coming off as either selfish or a golddigger, but really don't want to have to financially support kids I had no choice bringing into the world. This is why I would never date a dad in these situations. If it means I am alone then that is fine because I refuse to hand over my money to other people.
lemiwinks31
03-17-2011, 02:25 PM
Well then you would be betting wrong, the $2,800 is all child support. He does not have any alimony payments.
Lucky him, could have been worse....
lemiwinks31
03-17-2011, 02:36 PM
I know to some I am coming off as either selfish or a golddigger, but really don't want to have to financially support kids I had no choice bringing into the world. This is why I would never date a dad in these situations. If it means I am alone then that is fine because I refuse to hand over my money to other people.
YOU dont have to financially support anyone....HE does. It would only come into play if you got married....and still, by then, you would be used to how much money he has(after he pays the support). If he couldnt hold a job, & fell behind on payments...etc...that isnt someone you would marry anyway.....If he has no problem with it, and its not an issue...then just think of it as your man making 40K per year instead of the 60K he really makes.
So (financially) its not a problem......unless its a problem. Something you would know long before you marry him.
lemiwinks31
03-17-2011, 02:39 PM
One of the conditions my friend asked for was that his ex wife showed proof she was trying to gain employment... that request wasn't granted. If the judge wants the kids to live in a house... he doesn't want it to be one she pays for.
At the time divorce was filed... she'd been living with her parents for over a year... not working while my friend payed for everything the kids needed. If it's clear that she was doing fine enough with the amount of money she was given to not need a job and the kids were having their needs taken care of... why would he more than double the amount of payment when the ex wasn't even asking for more money?
That's ridiculous.
I dont know:)
MORE PTERODACTYL PORN!!!!
safado
03-17-2011, 02:46 PM
Lucky him, could have been worse....
Are you a family court judge?
Kellydancer
03-17-2011, 02:59 PM
YOU dont have to financially support anyone....HE does. It would only come into play if you got married....and still, by then, you would be used to how much money he has(after he pays the support). If he couldnt hold a job, & fell behind on payments...etc...that isnt someone you would marry anyway.....If he has no problem with it, and its not an issue...then just think of it as your man making 40K per year instead of the 60K he really makes.
So (financially) its not a problem......unless its a problem. Something you would know long before you marry him.
But there are MANY cases where the new wife has to pay support to the ex in some way or another. Many of these cases are available online. For instance in many states they take in consideration the household finances not just the spouse paying child support. There have been many cases of exwives going after her husband when he married a woman with more money. So yes, in many cases I would be responsible.
Even if by chance I wasn't I don't want to be denied a nice date because he can't afford it. I've been there and do not consider McDonalds and a bargain movie a nice date.
It's not just financial either. I don't want to come second to HIS kids. I don't want dates cancelled because of his kids.
lemiwinks31
03-17-2011, 03:07 PM
Are you a family court judge?
No..but i did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Kellydancer
05-31-2011, 11:16 AM
I wanted to update this but didn't want to create a new thread. Basically, his profile has since been deleted and I haven't found any other profiles on any dating sites. Now I am wondering if perhaps I was wrong by confronting him about this because maybe the profile was before we reconnected and I ruined any chance of getting back with him because I asked him. It's interesting to note that while has hasn't contacted me since Fall, he never blocked me from Facebook until I confronted him about this. I am now blaming myself for this because maybe he would have come back had I not confronted him. I know I shouldn't feel bad since I've bent over backwards for him for him by asking him out twice, sending a Christmas card and an heartfelt email. He never responded to any of this and the two times I asked him out he gave me lame excuses and the second time he abruptly told me he needed to go and would call me back. Over 6 months later and I still never received a call. Oh and on my birthday (In January) he never even called me.
I think I am feeling bad because I got rejected from a guy on a dating site who fit what I wanted. Meanwhile lots of single dads contacted me, though my profile states "no dads". Apparently they can't read. I'll probably delete this profile because I am not interested in dads and I am getting more of them than I am single childless men. However, there are still a lot of these men that I want (childless single men).
Amy Lee
05-31-2011, 11:22 AM
Sorry you are going through this, but do you think as you said: "I am going to go to a singles group this week with the sole intention of hurting another guy. I will never let another man hurt me."
is really going to make you feel better and fix your situation...hurting another person. Don't let him force you to that, fuck him.
Kellydancer
05-31-2011, 11:32 AM
No, I'm not going to do that, but I did seriously consider that. In fact I originally posted an online profile with the idea of doing that. I never went through it because it wouldn't hurt him, it would just hurt some innocent man who had nothing to do with it and it might affect his future. He would be so scarred by what happened to him that he would end up doing to another girl what my ex did to me because he got hurt. So in reality I would have hurt one person (the innocent man) and possibly any woman who fell for him.
I will never let myself get this hurt again. I will guard my heart until I know someone intentions and even then I won't get this involved.
KS_Stevia
05-31-2011, 04:04 PM
You're second guessing yourself. Who cares about the online profile being there or gone. He blew you off when you asked him out, he doesn't want you. Plus he sucks and you can do better.
Go to the singles group, its summer now and the roads are good to drive. Go with the intention of having fun, not to hurt someone.
Report back, hehe.
Kellydancer
05-31-2011, 04:15 PM
I'm going to have fun and that's another reason I am glad I waited. If nothing else maybe I'll meet some great people who can introduce me to a great guy. Yes he does suck and I can do much better.
Camateur
06-01-2011, 04:06 AM
I wanted to update this but didn't want to create a new thread. Basically, his profile has since been deleted and I haven't found any other profiles on any dating sites. Now I am wondering if perhaps I was wrong by confronting him about this because maybe the profile was before we reconnected and I ruined any chance of getting back with him because I asked him. It's interesting to note that while has hasn't contacted me since Fall, he never blocked me from Facebook until I confronted him about this. I am now blaming myself for this because maybe he would have come back had I not confronted him. I know I shouldn't feel bad since I've bent over backwards for him for him by asking him out twice, sending a Christmas card and an heartfelt email. He never responded to any of this and the two times I asked him out he gave me lame excuses and the second time he abruptly told me he needed to go and would call me back. Over 6 months later and I still never received a call. Oh and on my birthday (In January) he never even called me.
I think I am feeling bad because I got rejected from a guy on a dating site who fit what I wanted. Meanwhile lots of single dads contacted me, though my profile states "no dads". Apparently they can't read. I'll probably delete this profile because I am not interested in dads and I am getting more of them than I am single childless men. However, there are still a lot of these men that I want (childless single men).
Please do yourself and all of us a favor (I even directly linked you to the thread)http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-feeling-rejected-by-mr-unavailables-assclowns-part-one/
Kellydancer
06-01-2011, 10:22 AM
That is a great site and I read it from the other thread. I think part of it is that I fear he was my only chance for marriage. I know I shouldn't worry but I have this deep fear that I'll either only find dads or be alone. I know there are still great childless men out there, I just have to work harder.
tiffanyjo
06-01-2011, 10:54 AM
The guy was just playing you, hun...
I know plenty of these types, they're all talk. They don't want anything, because they don't know what they want... and usually, when they do know what they want, it's usually something they can't have.
They try to pass themselves off as "the nice guy", when the reality is they are just chicken shit little crying that the sky is falling just so he can get attention. He's not going to come back, and if he actually does -- don't even reply to him. Here's why: he's going back to you because there's nobody else paying attention to him.
Yeah, it sucks to fall in love with an idea of someone -- but it is clear you've got some self-esteem issues too that you should really work on, and get help for... otherwise, these types of guys are just going to keep taking advantage of you.
I can promise you, marriage isn't something you "look for"... and if you want to attract someone to treat you right, you have to do right by yourself.
I've been with my husband for nearly 10 years. He is far from the ideal man that I want... but he makes me happy and supports me. He's a good guy. He doesn't try to be different than he is, and maybe he isn't Brad Pitt, and everybody tells me "oh, you two look weird together, he looks like a nerd" etc... I wouldn't want anything but him.
Look after yourself first, and when you're comfortable and at peace with yourself, you'll start to notice men of higher calibre that'll gravitate your way. :)
Good luck!
Kellydancer
06-01-2011, 11:00 AM
Actually, I don't have self esteem issues and I can usually spot scammers a mile away. He didn't scam me he got scared. But yes marriage is my agenda, nothing more. It's the only reason I am dating and I make no secret of it. If a guy isn't looking for it then he can move on. This guy is the only time I dealt with a guy like this and only because of my history with him.
Amy Lee
06-01-2011, 11:01 AM
No relationship works without trust.
Guarding your heart, will only leave you by yourself. Take some time, learn about yourself, grow and learn from your mistakes and then you will attract what energy you put out.
Kellydancer
06-01-2011, 11:13 AM
I've done all of that but yes guarding my heart is what I am doing. However, I am going to date men and let him pursue me. I need to find a man looking for what I am. I know what kind of person I am, but fell for his lies. I won't let another man do this to me.
Kellydancer
06-01-2011, 02:36 PM
Kelly... it sounds like you're second guessing yourself because you've been having a tough time finding anyone else you think was worth dating.
This guy was a douche and a loser... you could basically go to a bar and pick any man there... and the odds are he's a better catch than the fat jobless fuck you're pining over.
He wasn't your only chance at marriage... he was never going to marry you, sweetie. So you need to stop falling back into old patterns and keep moving forward and find someone who will!
You are right with everything you said. I am second guessing myself because I am failing big time at online dating. I need to look for a man a better way or choose better sites (I am doing free sites which is probably part of the problem). I know he's a bad choice and my parents hate him to boot (and my mom said that if I married him I'd be divorced within a year anyway). For some reason I built him into this perfect guy and he's far from it. He doesn't make much, is ugly, but most importantly is an ass. Normally I never get this attached but for some reason I can't lethim go and he's a bad choice.
pussyinboots
06-01-2011, 04:46 PM
You are right with everything you said. I am second guessing myself because I am failing big time at online dating. I need to look for a man a better way or choose better sites (I am doing free sites which is probably part of the problem). I know he's a bad choice and my parents hate him to boot (and my mom said that if I married him I'd be divorced within a year anyway). For some reason I built him into this perfect guy and he's far from it. He doesn't make much, is ugly, but most importantly is an ass. Normally I never get this attached but for some reason I can't lethim go and he's a bad choice.
Hey baby girl....just give yourself some time to chill out and try to forget all of this. OK....so you're 40. Well I've got news for you - 40 is the new 30..!!
There are LOADS of nice, cute responsible guys over 40 who don't have children or baggage.....all you need to do is get your own karma right first. Take a bit of 'me time' and get into some hobbies and past-times...go see some movies..see some girlfriends...go shopping...do all the girly stuff to get this guy out of your head and out of your system.
Believe me - there are PLENTY of decent guys who would give their right arms to go out with a 40 year old dancer who's gorgeous and lovely inside as well as out. All you gotta do is get your life on course the way YOU want it to be - and the man stuff will follow. If YOU are on track - then you'll start attracting the right kind of guy - because you'll be meeting them in your 'day to day'. Partners are not the 'be all and end all' of life - despite what the adverts tell us. We get sex and relationships rammed down our throats from all quarters these days - so much so, that folks are conditioned to think that they are a freak, or worse - a failure - if they're not in one all the time. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Life has more to offer - and one thing is for certain, whatever you decide you want to do and be - there will be guys around who share those interests too.
Don't panic about the body clock either....women over 40 can have children just as safely as women of 30. Trust me....I've tried so many times myself I know all about this stuff...!! Just don't go rushing around with the 'tick tock' in your head - all you'll do is make the guys you do choose, dance to your bio-rhythm, which may not be their thing. If they get wind of an agenda of 'husband material' then they'll freak. Just relax and enjoy men for being men for a little while. When the pressure's off you'll most likely find a good 'un.
You just need to get happy and comfortable with yourself first......and that means accepting that this guy is not 'the one' - and move on. I know, I know - it's hard and it hurts when you've built someone up so much - but hey - we live and learn (...and that's about as serious a hurt as it should be for you now....live and learn).
I'm tired now (nearly 1.00am here..) - and I'm making loads of typing errors. I just wanted to let you know that there's folks here that love you to bits........and we know you'll find someone - you've just got to believe it too.
* hugs & kisses*
Kellydancer
06-01-2011, 07:59 PM
Hey baby girl....just give yourself some time to chill out and try to forget all of this. OK....so you're 40. Well I've got news for you - 40 is the new 30..!!
There are LOADS of nice, cute responsible guys over 40 who don't have children or baggage.....all you need to do is get your own karma right first. Take a bit of 'me time' and get into some hobbies and past-times...go see some movies..see some girlfriends...go shopping...do all the girly stuff to get this guy out of your head and out of your system.
Believe me - there are PLENTY of decent guys who would give their right arms to go out with a 40 year old dancer who's gorgeous and lovely inside as well as out. All you gotta do is get your life on course the way YOU want it to be - and the man stuff will follow. If YOU are on track - then you'll start attracting the right kind of guy - because you'll be meeting them in your 'day to day'. Partners are not the 'be all and end all' of life - despite what the adverts tell us. We get sex and relationships rammed down our throats from all quarters these days - so much so, that folks are conditioned to think that they are a freak, or worse - a failure - if they're not in one all the time. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Life has more to offer - and one thing is for certain, whatever you decide you want to do and be - there will be guys around who share those interests too.
Don't panic about the body clock either....women over 40 can have children just as safely as women of 30. Trust me....I've tried so many times myself I know all about this stuff...!! Just don't go rushing around with the 'tick tock' in your head - all you'll do is make the guys you do choose, dance to your bio-rhythm, which may not be their thing. If they get wind of an agenda of 'husband material' then they'll freak. Just relax and enjoy men for being men for a little while. When the pressure's off you'll most likely find a good 'un.
You just need to get happy and comfortable with yourself first......and that means accepting that this guy is not 'the one' - and move on. I know, I know - it's hard and it hurts when you've built someone up so much - but hey - we live and learn (...and that's about as serious a hurt as it should be for you now....live and learn).
I'm tired now (nearly 1.00am here..) - and I'm making loads of typing errors. I just wanted to let you know that there's folks here that love you to bits........and we know you'll find someone - you've just got to believe it too.
* hugs & kisses*
Thank you and I agree. I know I need to stop worrying about this because it's driving me nuts. I was doing fine until I got rejected from this one guy I was interested in meeting. I know I shouldn't be upset because there are other guys out there. I often think about a family friend who met the perfect guy at 50. He was never married, no kids, Catholic, homeowner, etc. The reason he was single was that he was building a career (he's a professor at University of Chicago, not exactly a bad school at all, in fact one of the best). He's a great guy and if I met a guy half as great I'd be happy.
I also get depressed because I see guy friends who got married and now have kids and I am jealous, though I know I wouldn't want them. In two cases (brothers)they wanted a submissive stay at home mom and that's not me.
pussyinboots
06-01-2011, 11:32 PM
Thank you and I agree. I know I need to stop worrying about this because it's driving me nuts. I was doing fine until I got rejected from this one guy I was interested in meeting. I know I shouldn't be upset because there are other guys out there. I often think about a family friend who met the perfect guy at 50. He was never married, no kids, Catholic, homeowner, etc. The reason he was single was that he was building a career (he's a professor at University of Chicago, not exactly a bad school at all, in fact one of the best). He's a great guy and if I met a guy half as great I'd be happy.
I also get depressed because I see guy friends who got married and now have kids
and I am jealous, though I know I wouldn't want them. In two cases (brothers)they wanted a submissive stay at home mom and that's not me.
I know that rejection is so hard to deal with - believe me it's the same for everyone - even if they claim otherwise. As for the jealousy bit....what's there to be jealous about...? You don't want to be a submissive 'stay at home Mom' so don't waste your energy being jealous Sweetie.
This is what I meant about getting your own karma right first. You know what you DON'T want - now decide what you DO want - and then just let your life flow around that. No need to make a special effort to 'do the right thing' or actively seek out 'the right guy'.....if your life is on the right track for you - then it goes without saying that the folks around you will be like-minded.
You'll be fine babes. You're a lovely, lovely lady with strong moral values that aren't often found these days - and they will do you proud with the right man. So, just don't force it.....and turn that 'body clock alarm' off in your head....!:-*
Entchil58
11-15-2011, 02:05 PM
Hope things are going better.
Kellydancer
11-15-2011, 06:08 PM
Yes things are better. I am having other guys contact me and while I haven't found anyone I am that interested in, all of them are better than him. Since I wrote this I found out that his profile has been deleted. I also sent his photo to a few people and they all said he was ugly which made me feel better.
KS_Stevia
11-15-2011, 06:34 PM
I want to see a photo of this cat, send it to me!
Entchil58
11-15-2011, 08:32 PM
Glad things are working out then. I know the search is difficult. I myself recently moved to this area and meeting new people, I thought would be easy being that it is a large city, but meeting new people is tough regardless of where you are.
Kellydancer
11-15-2011, 10:02 PM
It is but luckily Chicago is a town where people marry later. I'm still looking for a relationship, but put it aside until I got my head straight. Once I started looking again I am starting to find great guys and none of them have kids. I was a complete wreck when I posted this but can say I am over him. I have also decided I would rather be single than lower my standards. Oh and another point and that is I am finding never married, childless Catholic men, including a guy I am interested in now. Will he be more? Who knows but he's far better than my loser ex.
Emmy_JK
02-22-2012, 12:53 AM
My mom says the same thing. He has nothing to offer, he doesn't make much money, he's homely and fat, and he lives with his mom (mostly because he loves living with her, not just finances). He hasn't treated me well the entire time we were going out, mostly him telling me he didn't want to get married or him spending hours playing video games. I think part of it was I was hooked on the idea of him because he was never married, childless and Catholic, though I've found several other guys fitting this too and better guys.
I just read through all of these posts and, though I feel for your pain, I noticed that you keep contradicting yourself. I don't think you are seeing everything clearly, babe. You say your most important criteria for a husband are that he is childless, never married, and Catholic, but in the above quote you say those are the reasons you allowed yourself to stick with a guy who was by all accounts a loser.
Several people on here posted about you narrowing your pool of prospects down too much (by not considering divorced men in your age range, etc) and you responded by saying there were actually quite a lot of men around that you deem suitable; however, in a very early post in this thread your said there were no unmarried men your age in your area.
In my experience, the best thing to do after a bad breakup is to be by yourself for a while. You need to sort of push the reset button and re-evaluate yourself and your priorities. Sometimes we lose ourselves in bad relationships, and need rebuild our confidence. If you are going out there "on a mission" you may end up in an unhappy relationship, and since marriage is the goal and you don't believe in divorce, that unhappiness may very well end up being a forever thing.
Take care of yourself first an foremost. :)
Kellydancer
02-22-2012, 01:04 AM
Actually, I'm not sure why you bumped a year old thread to say that but ok. Actually I am meeting guys who fit what I want and no I will never date a man with children, ever. In fact I would strongly tell others to never date a dad.
firemaiden04
02-22-2012, 01:25 AM
^^...I don't know why you bumped this thread, and I also don't know why this is your only post on this site. Quite creepy.
Emmy_JK
02-22-2012, 01:54 AM
I didn't check the date. Was just browsing and got caught up in that thread. Sorry if I did something inappropriate. My bad.
Candy Girl
02-22-2012, 09:16 AM
My 2 cents. This guy ain't it.
If a guy wants you, he will make it work come hell or high water. If he's a player, he'll just play.
Your location is not good for meeting guys. But I suggest another strategy. An ambitious, community & family minded guy pursues certain things. Elections are coming up. Get involved and even travel to work on your favorite campaign. A lawyer, banker provider type is out there for you. Dating sites for me only yield dating site trolls.
Church can be good, too. Also, small business associations for plumbers, locksmiths, etc.
I hear your goals. Pls try switching up your strategy. And happy hunting, girl!
Kellydancer
02-22-2012, 12:13 PM
Actually, this thread is old and the guy is no longer around. Haven't spoken to him in almost 2 years. My location is good actually, since I am near Chicago and there are plenty of men there who are much older. But yes dating sites aren't that good either so I am pursuing men through other ways like sporting activities and community involvement.