View Full Version : If you don't want to be raped, don't dress like a slut!
Mindy Bares All
04-07-2011, 07:40 PM
well i think it's the whole "actions speak louder than words" thing that comes into play. obviously when someone says no they mean no, but some guys don't seem to believe that if the way a girl acts and dresses says she is open for business. and for the record, men aren't the only ones who rape, women rape people too, just saying lol. but you are right, i definitely agree that rape is a seemingly inevitable crime, but I still believe that acting and dressing a certain way can increase awareness of you on a rapist's radar and i feel like my situation could have been prevented if i had been less naive and hadn't been out in a tight outfit by myself :(
'
And here I think you're wrong. What about the women in the middle east who get raped-- like the woman in Tripolee that was on the news for seeking help after her rape? I don't think you could cover yourself up any more than that, and still, she was raped.
Acting or dressing like a slut has no bearing on whether a woman will be raped. Period.
Yes, women can take measures to make sure that they are not targeted. But saying "don't dress like a slut," is just stupid advice, and perpetuates the idea that women get raped because of how they dress.
Djoser
04-07-2011, 07:59 PM
...there are certain things you can do that INCREASE your RISK...in certain situations the way you dress, as well as other precautions, can without a doubt increase your vulnerablility to an attack. Does that make the victim or the way she chooses to dress at fault for the heinous crime? No. Does this mean that the victim is less of a victim? Hell no...
There is a difference between slutty fashions "increasing" the risk and them or the victim being at fault for it.
Pretty much sums up the way I feel about it.
Women ought to be able to walk down the middle of the most dangerous street in the entire world, stark naked except a big sign on their back saying "RAPE ME!" without fear of sexual assault. But I wouldn't recommend it.
The kind of guys who are going to rape a 90 year old woman are not going to be influenced by dress, of course not. A date rapist is absolutely going to be influenced by what a woman is wearing; but of course it is still a horrible crime.
If there's one thing I've learned from being around a lot of dangerous neighborhoods and dangerous people, it's never play the victim. In certain situations, like it or not, a woman wearing booty shorts and a skimpy top is going to be perceived as a victim by violent, aggressive men. Unless maybe she's carrying a sawed-off shotgun.
Speaking of which, I liked the girls who ran Sin City. Taking the power back. But it doesn't always work that way.
sananeko
04-07-2011, 08:23 PM
I really worry about this thread..
What I am most worry about is that you guys are talking about how you dress and a rapist.. There are many different type of rapists and no matter if your male, female, dressed like a slut, dressed like a nun.., or naked... All rapist have a certain stresser or the red flag. It could be wearing a mini skirt.. or your showing no skin.. or cause you have blue eyes, long or short hair.. color of your skin.. you are bold.. or your shy.. It doesn't matter what you wear or how you act.. Its not the victims fault when a stranger attacks them and rapes them. And it not a victims fault when a friend or family do this.
Djoser
04-07-2011, 08:57 PM
I don't think anyone here is trying to say it's the victims' fault. Though maybe the guy in the article the OP posted about was.
What some people are trying to say is that there are certain situations where dressing in extremely revealing clothes will put a woman at greater risk of attack.
I don't view this as being such a horrible thing to say, and I'm getting tired of the needless controversy.
4everresolutions
04-08-2011, 12:38 AM
I think the issue here is the misconception that if you dress like a slut, you'll get raped.
The point is, what the guy said was not only wrong, but insensitive and ignorant.
There will always be rape, so long as there are fucked up men willing to do it. Regardless of how the victim dresses.
Here Here!
THIS was the topic I was trying to bring to light in this thread, although I don't believe I gave that impression in the original post. I'm not always great with my words.
We've had debates before about the topic of dress =/= rape; I was more trying to highlight the insensitivity about the topic of rape and how women who have been victimized are .... perceived. Especially those women who are known to be more promiscuous or 'at risk' (due to occupation, or passtimes).
I live in Toronto - because of this article I would be much more hesitant to report sexual assault because I'd be worried about being viewed as a 'slut', and not worthy of the police departments time. Whether the officer realizes it or not, his words have caused damage to a lot women; and help perpetuate a stereotype.
flickad
04-08-2011, 04:15 AM
Maybe these victim-blamers should be informed, among other things, that rape is hugely common in parts of the Middle East that require women to swathe their entire bodies in voluminous sheets of material.
Or maybe they should just be told that rape is the rapist's fault, just like murder is the murderer's fault, assault is the assailant's fault and theft is the fault of the thief. It's sheer misogyny that gendered crimes are seen any differently from others.
jester214
04-08-2011, 06:53 AM
Or maybe they should just be told that rape is the rapist's fault, just like murder is the murderer's fault, assault is the assailant's fault and theft is the fault of the thief. It's sheer misogyny that gendered crimes are seen any differently from others.
I think it's way more common to hear "oh he shouldn't have been in that part of town" or something of that nature when it is a crime OTHER than rape.
AngelCummings
04-08-2011, 08:07 AM
And here I think you're wrong. What about the women in the middle east who get raped-- like the woman in Tripolee that was on the news for seeking help after her rape? I don't think you could cover yourself up any more than that, and still, she was raped.
Acting or dressing like a slut has no bearing on whether a woman will be raped. Period.
Yes, women can take measures to make sure that they are not targeted. But saying "don't dress like a slut," is just stupid advice, and perpetuates the idea that women get raped because of how they dress.
well see that's the thing, it depends on the culture too. i mean in certain cultures the way one dresses wouldnt be a factor, some things that may be sexually stimulating in one society may not be the same in another society.
But another important thing I want to say is that I think a lot of people are misunderstanding what I'm trying to say. I am by NO means saying that if you dress like a nun, your chances of being raped go down. I'm simply saying that the more provocatively and sexual you dress and act, the risk of being sexually assaulted increases. You can wear a big brown sack and your chances of being raped may be 85 percent, but prance around in lingerie and it may jump to 90 percent. See the difference? I don't think anyone here has said that covering yourself up actually decreases the risk.
jack0177057
04-08-2011, 12:27 PM
I think another misunderstanding is treating all rapists as if they all are the same or have the same mentality. I'm no criminologist, but I can think of at least four different types of predators (and I'm sure there are many more, and many subgroups):
Street rapist - is looking for any random victim. He might pick his target strictly based on opportunity factors (e.g., victim is distracted, victim is getting into car alone, victim is in a secluded or poorly-lit area, victim is small and weak or old and weak, etc.). This type of predator does not care at all about clothes and appearances.
Family/friend rapist - this predator gains the trust of his victim and incites sexual curiosity so that he can molest his victim. He picks a victim who is trusting, naive, and discreet. This type of predator does not care at all about clothes and appearances.
Date rapist - this predator select his target based on her looks - which is a combination of both her attractiveness and how sexy she dresses. He is just like any other "normal" guy, who is attracted to beautiful sexy women, but he is a date rapist.
Party rapist - this predator also select his target based on her looks - which is a combination of both her attractiveness and how sexy she dresses. . He thinks that girls who dress sexy, party all night, and get drunk are "sluts" and want sex. He is sexually aggressive and goes to parties with the objective of finding an "easy" woman to have a one-night stand with. He targets women who dress sexy, because he thinks they are like him - looking for a one-night stand. If a woman gets somewhat intimate with him (making out, some touching, etc.), but resists full sexual intercourse, he forces himself on her. He will also use alcohol and drugs to rape his target.
For young women on college campuses, their biggest threat is probably going to be the date rapist and the party rapist.
4everresolutions
04-08-2011, 04:33 PM
^When I was at college I went to a type of 'Protect yourself" rally for women that the college hosted. They said the biggest threat to college students were friend/people they knew. So you're wrong.
Where are you getting your info on the profiles of different rapists?
Arialandre
04-08-2011, 04:46 PM
My awesome two cents...
Growing up girls are told to beware the stranger. The shadowy figure in the bushes that will hunt us down and wants to hurt us. So we spend our lives in fear of the shadow man, when in truth that man ALMOST never comes. It is our fathers, brothers, uncles neighbors, co-workers that are usually the ones that end up violating us. The people we know.
While rape is a sexual act it is usually an act of POWER not sexual attraction. The fact that they can over take us and bend us to their will in the most unbelievably atrocious way possible. That's why it has nothing to do with clothing. Wearing a short skirt does not make saying "No.Stop." suddenly null and void. If a man wants to rape you he will rape you. It doesn't matter if you are in a burka or running naked through the streets.
Be aware of your surroundings, carry pepper spray, and live your damn life.
4everresolutions
04-08-2011, 04:52 PM
Something I want everyone to read - here are the 4 profiles of a rapist, as stated by the FBI.
From: http://www.tempe.gov/cpu/Personal%20Safety.htm
<big clip>
Profiles of Rapists
The FBI has established four personality characteristics profiles for rapists. While most rapists will fit into one of the profiles, due to the fact that there are a variety of personalities, there is no one correct characteristic for a profile. Suspects may exhibit characteristics from one or more of the profiles.
Power Reassurance Rapist - 81%
Motivation:
To resolve self-doubts by reassuring himself of his masculinity with no real intent to further harm his victim.
Style:
Surprise Approach with force.
Strikes between midnight and 5 am, usually at the victim's residence.
Selects victims through voyeurism.
Attacks victims who are alone or with small children.
Negotiates with the victim.
Does whatever the victim allows him to do.
Attacks in his own residence or work area.
Commits single assault.
May keep a diary.
Social Interaction:
Few friends
Self-concept as a loser
Menial job with little public contact
Power Assertive Rapist - 12%
Motivation:
To resolve self-doubts by reassuring himself of his masculinity with no real intent to further harm his victim.
Style:
Exploits opportunity after one or two dates
Slaps, hits, curses, tears rather than removes clothes
Waits 20-25 days between assaults
Performs multiple assaults
disrobes victim
Doesn't use mask or disguise
Social Interaction:
Flashy car
frequents singles bars
"Hard hat" act
"Macho" type
Anger Retaliatory Rapist - 5%
Motivation:
To punish or degrade women by getting even; uses sex as a weapon for real or perceived injustices placed on him by women.
Style:
Acts spontaneously
Commits assaults in his own area
Social Interaction:
Loner
Minimal contact with others
Works at "Action jobs"
Anger Excitation Rapist - 2%
Motivation:
Infliction of pain or erotic aggression
Style:
Uses premeditated con-style approach
Immobilizes victim
Assaults away from his area
Uses weapon and/or tools of choice
Usually records his assaults
Learns quickly by experience
Does not experience remorse
Social Interaction:
Family man
"Good marriage"
Compulsive
Middle class
</big clip>
Hope no one minds that I just copy-pasted a rather large section of the above posted website, but I thought it was necessary given all the false and potentially emotionally damaging 'fact's/opinions' in this thread. I'd like to point out that not once is clothing-style mentioned in those profiles.
I'd also like to copy and paste a few more tidbits from this website I found:
"MYTH: Persons who dress or act in a sexy way are asking to be sexually assaulted.
Many convicted sexual assault assailants are unable to remember what their victims looked like or were wearing."
"MYTH: Sexual assault is a crime of passion and lust.
Sexual assault is a crime of violence. Assailants seek to dominate, humiliate and punish their victims."
"MYTH: Assailants are usually crazed psychopaths who do not know their victims.
As many as 80% of all assaults involve either a known acquaintance, or someone the victim has had contact with, but does not know personally."
If there is one lesson that can be learned from what the Toronto Constable said, it's that people should think deeply before discussing such an emotionally heated and horrific crime. What you say can seem simple to you, but can cause a lot of harm to others - especially if you're not educated on the subject.
Mindy Bares All
04-08-2011, 04:58 PM
^^^^ This is why you rock.
Arialandre
04-08-2011, 05:15 PM
Thank you! Moahaha always nice to have hard facts back up what I say! *hi5!*
Mindy Bares All
04-08-2011, 05:30 PM
^^^ Shiiiiit. I bookmarked that page for the next time someone wants to tell me I'm wrong.
KS_Stevia
04-08-2011, 06:04 PM
i think i understand what he is trying to say here. he isn't blaming the victim at all or saying that if rape happens to a scantily-clad woman she is at fault. he is saying that there are certain things you can do that INCREASE your RISK of being sexually assaulted and i don't see how anyone can say this isn't true. I mean we can all agree that the high heeled girl wearing a scantily-clad outfit on a chicago street corner at 3 am in the morning, walking alone, is at a higher risk than the girl who is playing it more low-key, not attracting a lot of attention from visually stimulated thugs, and only travels with friends when its daylight. .
Not really. Where I live, lots of young girls travel together in packs, barely dressed, getting tons of attentions but watching out for each other.
I think the more telling commonality of the above is...why is a solitary woman walking around on a Chicago street alone at night? Doesn't matter what she's wearing..she's increasing her risk by being alone. The dress factor has nothing to do with it. The predator will predate on vulnarability...hence children, the elderly, and the handicapped are often rape victims.
Does this make sense? Lingerie models walking down a catwalk are barely dressed. are they at higher risk of rape? No, because they are not in a vulnerable position surrounded by people potentially concerned for their safety.
The way a woman dresses is MOOT.
KS_Stevia
04-08-2011, 06:07 PM
By being a beautiful woman you have a higher risk. By being a beautiful sexy woman that dresses very sexy you have an even higher risk.
Again -- I love hot women who dress sexy... I want them to keep dressing sexy... and to be safe.
No, not really. Not at all.
KS_Stevia
04-08-2011, 06:09 PM
Some girls I went to college with were raped by guys they dated or by a guy in a party, when the girl was drunk. They were targeted because of their looks - which includes both their attractiveness and how they dress. Obviously, if you are hot and dress hot, you are going to receive more attention.
Also, there is very inciteful book: Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes And The Myth Of The Slut by Emily White. She talks about why some girls get the "slut" label attached to them. Sometimes, it just has to do with their bodies developing a little faster than other girls. But, another reason may be how they dress. Ironically, it is other women who are most often the perpetrators of affixing this label to a woman. The book accounts the stories of many women who were sexually assaulted in large part because of the "slut" label. The author does not blame the victims, she sympathizes with them. But, two points that comes across are: (1) the "slut" label carries with it a very high level of risk, and (2) one thing that causes a woman to get this label is that she dresses sexy - and very often, it is other women that place this label on her (probably less attractive and jealous women). This book is about young women, so maybe its not so applicable to women over 21.
Nothing to do with rape. Except for the alcohol part. Increase drunkeness increases the vulnerability of the person..which predators looks for. That is a major risk factor and seems to be overlooked the the easier "softball" of how the girl dresses.
jack0177057
04-08-2011, 07:31 PM
^When I was at college I went to a type of 'Protect yourself" rally for women that the college hosted. They said the biggest threat to college students were friend/people they knew. So you're wrong.
I might be wrong,... I'm willing to listen and learn.... But, what you say is not inconsistent with what I said. In college, the people you date and the people you meet at parties may also "people you know" from your classes, the dorms, school organizations, fraternities, sorrorites, etc. In many colleges, specially small colleges, everyone "knows" everyone. When you go to the college bar or hangout, you run into people form your classes, your dorm, fraternity socials, etc.
Where are you getting your info on the profiles of different rapists?
Street rapist - My description is just common sense. They are indiscriminate predators who just look for an opportunity and an easy pray.
Family/Friend Rapist - I've known some victims. In my short stint as a prosecutor, I prosecuted a few of these sick assholes. I heard how they operate.
Date Rapist and Party Rapist - I learned about these predators from talking to girls in college that were victims and trying to encourage them to go to the police.
My only point is that there are different kinds of sexual predators and we shouldn't be treating them like they are all the same. Some don't care what you look like, but others do.
eagle2
04-08-2011, 08:40 PM
and unless the woman is wearing a burka, any potential rapist is going to know what she looks like, whether she is dressed modestly by western standards, or not.
Djoser
04-09-2011, 02:44 AM
In accordance with the thread creator's concerns that this could be a harmful discussion, I am closing the thread.