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chloemay
07-18-2013, 07:10 PM
THANK GOD this happened filming a clip instead of on live cam, so nobody actually SAW this happen, but I am going to share my shame with all of you.

First off: I was very, very drunk. I'd just downed a bottle of merlot, and felt like I had to fart, so I wanted to film it. I get the camera in place so you can see my ass, and I was in sort of a special position.... I was resting on my head and shoulders, ass in the air, so you could see my ass and face at the same time, camera pointed down. I got one tiny fart.... Stayed there for a bit, felt another fart, and started pushing... but my drunk mind apparently confused something else for a fart, and Drunk-Brain thinks that everything below the waist is ass....

I ended up pissing on my own face. Now, I'm sure there are many, MANY perverts out there who would pay top dollar to see that, but I was SO drunk that I'd forgotten to press "record." So I pissed on my own face, and all I got was a carpet stain to clean up. >.<

That is hilarious!! That damn record button!

IsobelWren
07-19-2013, 11:12 PM
Moaning it up a storm in excl with phone. The guy said, "I just shot my load." but he had an accent and I thought he said, "I just bit my lip"

I got a really sympathetic look and asked, "are you okay?"

Pause. "Um. Yes?"

and then I realized that I'd heard him wrong.

PrincessBerry
07-20-2013, 07:15 AM
Was on cam, someone tipped very generously, very polite, and asked me to lie on my stomach with my feet up behind me. I happily obliged, got on my tummy, shifted my body weight on my couch, and..... DO A BARREL ROLL!!
Off the couch with a "WAAAAH!!!" and I land right on high-heeled boot, full force, with my ribs. I'm in soooo much pain, I can't get to the cam to turn it off. I just lay there going "Ahhhh... ow ow.... oooow...." while my room is going "OMG YOU OKAY???"
All I could do is lift my hand in a thumbs-up with voice-cracking "Gimme a second, guys!"
Needless to say, I came back and couldn't recover myself, so I just laughed, red-faced, and told everyone I was out for the night.

CanadianRuby
07-20-2013, 05:46 PM
THANK GOD this happened filming a clip instead of on live cam, so nobody actually SAW this happen, but I am going to share my shame with all of you.

First off: I was very, very drunk. I'd just downed a bottle of merlot, and felt like I had to fart, so I wanted to film it. I get the camera in place so you can see my ass, and I was in sort of a special position.... I was resting on my head and shoulders, ass in the air, so you could see my ass and face at the same time, camera pointed down. I got one tiny fart.... Stayed there for a bit, felt another fart, and started pushing... but my drunk mind apparently confused something else for a fart, and Drunk-Brain thinks that everything below the waist is ass....

I ended up pissing on my own face. Now, I'm sure there are many, MANY perverts out there who would pay top dollar to see that, but I was SO drunk that I'd forgotten to press "record." So I pissed on my own face, and all I got was a carpet stain to clean up. >.<


Hahaha...well, thank you for sharing. I love this thread XD

Jade62013
07-21-2013, 12:32 AM
This is a little TMI but...one time I get into a private, and I start fingering myself, only to look down at my hand in horror because of the crap that comes out of my pussy. I feel my jaws drop and my eyes widen, then I just look back and forth between my cam and my hand in confusion, horror, and surprise as I put 2 and 2 together and realize I have a yeast infection. Me and the guy were just silent for about 10 straight seconds then he just logged off. LOL

SeaBelle
07-21-2013, 09:34 PM
How is it that so many of my embarrassing stories involve service people coming into my home? I forgot that the refrigerator repair man was supposed to be coming in today and I was in a bikini and short shorts in preparation for going out into the garden and tanning while I work on stuff. He was very professional about it, but his eyes definitely popped out of his head for a second.

Not nearly as embarrassing as , but still cringeworthy.

Omg, Isobelwren... you crack me up!

While this didn't happen "on cam", a few weeks ago I was out mowing the lawn (which I know ya'll don't know me real well, but I have lawn mower issues as it is, LOL) and I was trying to work on my tan so I was in a bikini with a VS shirt that is slit on the sides (and neon pink), anyhow here comes one of the guys who lives down the street on his motorcycle...I guess he has never paid attention or seen me out mowing before, because he does a double take and then still looking back at me, damn near took out my neighbors mail box... My 19 year old daughter who witnessed the whole thing shouts out "Take picture next time!" When hubby gets home, she tells him Mom isn't allowed to mow anymore, it's dangerous for the neighbors. :)

I haven't had any bloopers yet this time around, however I did when I cammed previously. Not thinking about the candles and the darn cat.. she decided she was going to walk "over" the candle..sets her tail on fire and runs through the room tail flaming..

SweetJulia
07-23-2013, 07:33 AM
"I'd just downed a bottle of merlot, and felt like I had to fart, so I wanted to film it."
ANY story starting with that sentence is bound to be good :)

SweetJulia
07-23-2013, 02:39 PM
Ok-here's why I'm on cam leave for a week-tried to fist self-failed, trying to accomplish goal, did a backwards somersault off bed all 108 pounds of my weight landed on my neck. Not fun. So here I am, with vodka and Chinese food lol-be careful ladies :)

Incantatious
07-23-2013, 04:02 PM
Guy comes into my room and tips 30 GOLD because he liked me. He then takes me exclusive and turns on his cam...

He is dark, handsome, and insanely attractive.

Me: Oh wow you are absolutely stunning!
Him: Aww thanks baby so are you!
Me: *starting to strip slowly* Mmmmmm give me that sweet black cock baby.
Him: Black? ...I'm not black...
Him: *switches on his side-lamp*

Guy is pale as sour cream...

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.


He didn't leave though!!! I couldn't actually believe he didn't leave after that! XD

CanadianRuby
07-23-2013, 04:05 PM
Guy comes into my room and tips 30 GOLD because he liked me. He then takes me exclusive and turns on his cam...

He is dark, handsome, and insanely attractive.

Me: Oh wow you are absolutely stunning!
Him: Aww thanks baby so are you!
Me: *starting to strip slowly* Mmmmmm give me that sweet black cock baby.
Him: Black? ...I'm not black...
Him: *switches on his side-lamp*

Guy is pale as sour cream...

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.


He didn't leave though!!! I couldn't actually believe he didn't leave after that! XD

LOL. Well, it's not your fault he was hiding in the dark hahahaha.

Thanks for the smile though haha...mgf has been boring so stripperweb stories are a great distraction.

bhaha. Guys always hide in the dark on cam and we have to have blaring white lights in our eyes for 6 hours...hmmph.

Incantatious
07-23-2013, 04:27 PM
LMFAO! It was insane... like he was a black guy in disguise or something... It's even funnier if I picture THAT being his fetish!!! omfg.. like "mmm yeh hehe she thinks I'm black then when she starts stripping I shall UNVEIL MY TRUE WHITE SELF! *fapfapfap*

I should've gotten him to switch his light on and off like some bizarre TRANSFORMATION DISCO!!!

SweetJulia
07-23-2013, 10:33 PM
Oh, would you ladies like to know why I haven't cammed in a few days and am in pain? Good lol-I was in SUCH a well paying group show and tried to um.......fit in more fingers than I should have-I guess I used too much muscle, because I went from on my back with my legs behind my shoulders to toppling legs over head off my bed and landing all 108 pounds of my weight on my neck. For like five minutes, all anyone could see was my tiny feet over the edge of the bed. So, just so guys wouldn't worry, I got back up and chatted a bit. I've given some very porn-worthy performances on cam-this so wasn't one of them..................few days later now, my neck and left shoulder really hurt, so I'm just sitting back with junk food while my body-and ego-heal.

ChopperM
07-24-2013, 12:28 PM
ughhgkjnvknkjv so I was sitting in freechat today...it was completely silent because I was picking a new song to play on youtube on my other laptop while I chit chatted with some guy. Then I fucking QUEEFED audibly (I had just done a pvt) and it sounded like I just carelessly let a giant fart rip while sitting crosslegged on my bed. No doubt that he heard it. Then I just continued talking like nothing ever happened and he left soon after...
I'm sure this has happened to a lot of you but it's so embarrassing :(
WHYYY can't queefs come with a bit of warning so we can let them out silently and gracefully :(

CanadianRuby
07-24-2013, 12:47 PM
ughhgkjnvknkjv so I was sitting in freechat today...it was completely silent because I was picking a new song to play on youtube on my other laptop while I chit chatted with some guy. Then I fucking QUEEFED audibly (I had just done a pvt) and it sounded like I just carelessly let a giant fart rip while sitting crosslegged on my bed. No doubt that he heard it. Then I just continued talking like nothing ever happened and he left soon after...
I'm sure this has happened to a lot of you but it's so embarrassing :(
WHYYY can't queefs come with a bit of warning so we can let them out silently and gracefully :(


The first time I EVER did that, was when my boyfriend and I first started dating. He had me bent over on the edge of a bed, on my knees facing him, and he pulled out and started to lick me.

RIGHT IN HIS FACE.

I died of embarrassment.

It was like a "WTF WAS THAT?!?!?!" moment (for me, as I had never actually DONE that before).

Yup. I hate it every time I do it haha.

Good thing he was graceful about it hahaha. He was like "I put the air in there, it has to come out sometime :D "

karaamsel
07-24-2013, 02:24 PM
ughhgkjnvknkjv so I was sitting in freechat today...it was completely silent because I was picking a new song to play on youtube on my other laptop while I chit chatted with some guy. Then I fucking QUEEFED audibly (I had just done a pvt) and it sounded like I just carelessly let a giant fart rip while sitting crosslegged on my bed. No doubt that he heard it. Then I just continued talking like nothing ever happened and he left soon after...
I'm sure this has happened to a lot of you but it's so embarrassing :(
WHYYY can't queefs come with a bit of warning so we can let them out silently and gracefully :(

yes there is nothing better than fucking your pussy and then getting in doggie up all close to the camera and spreading your pussy and having the loudest uncontrollable group of queefs ever... i couldn't stop them... thank god custie was like "mmm that's so hot"

Deaddolly
07-25-2013, 06:40 AM
I'm so embarrassed I could die. I was in freechat and my friend that spent the night barged in my room and started talking to me while I was on cam and everyone heard :[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

SweetJulia
07-25-2013, 10:51 AM
I have a solution for the queefing/farting issue:out of sight of the camera, place a harmonica/flute/duck call/whatever right up to the offending hole. That way, it will come out as beautiful music.

ChopperM
07-25-2013, 11:40 AM
^ YES BB
i'm buying a harmonica today
"pvt? ok bb brb I just have to take the harmonica out of my pussy"

karaamsel
07-25-2013, 01:07 PM
I have a solution for the queefing/farting issue:out of sight of the camera, place a harmonica/flute/duck call/whatever right up to the offending hole. That way, it will come out as beautiful music.

ugh... this takes me back to my awful attempts at using a kazoo.

duck call, aye? might create a new genre of music with that one.

chloemay
07-25-2013, 01:22 PM
^ YES BB
i'm buying a harmonica today
"pvt? ok bb brb I just have to take the harmonica out of my pussy"

OMFG it will be your fault if i keel over dead from laughing today.

IsobelWren
07-25-2013, 03:19 PM
Me: *starting to strip slowly* Mmmmmm give me that sweet black cock baby.
Him: Black? ...I'm not black...
Him: *switches on his side-lamp*

Guy is pale as sour cream...


http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/lol-yuck.gif

IsobelWren
07-25-2013, 03:28 PM
RE queefing, when I was in high school I dated a guy who didn't realize that queefs existed. I was like, "where did you THINK the air that gets in there goes?" He was SHOCKED that air gets in there at all. I had to go to the kitchen and mix up some really goopy flour paste, which I proceeded to finger fuck for a demonstration. Once we got past that part, he had a hard time believing that the air didn't just go into the uterus instead of coming back out the vagina. Can't blame the guy for not knowing that the cervix is closed unless you're giving birth or the doctor is dilating you for some reason but seriously. Where is it going to go once it gets to the uterus?! Are you just going to start puffing up like a balloon?!

"Yeah! I fucked her so good she looked like she was eight months pregnant!"

ChopperM
07-25-2013, 03:41 PM
^ LOL!!! That's what worries me!!! What if I queef in front of a guy who doesn't know what queefing is? He'll probably think I'm just so comfortable in front of the cam that I casually let farts rip once in a while without batting an eyelash

Graceface
07-25-2013, 08:42 PM
"Yeah! I fucked her so good she looked like she was eight months pregnant!"


:iloveyou:

IsobelWren
07-25-2013, 10:05 PM
^ LOL!!! That's what worries me!!! What if I queef in front of a guy who doesn't know what queefing is? He'll probably think I'm just so comfortable in front of the cam that I casually let farts rip once in a while without batting an eyelash

ROTFLOL That picture in my head is fantastic.

I guess you'll have to come up with a sexy way to inform people that you've queefed?

..
...
.

I uh, can't think of one right now?

I've got the beginning, flatter him about how he's got you so wet and horny or wore your pussy out or whatever....but uh, the rest I'm at a loss.

"You make me feel so good that I get pussy farts" I mean, it sounds like Mad Libs.

Vlodina
07-26-2013, 12:12 AM
Pussy farts happen! Any guy who's actually fucked a woman should know. I just giggle and say something like "ooh, just look what you did to my little pussy!" Nobody has ever told me I'm farting. Admittedly once I accidentally farted but I was able to pass it of as a queef! ;)

In some cultures burping is a sign of appreciation for the food. Queefing is showing appreciation for the penis. :D

PrincessBerry
08-04-2013, 08:33 PM
I'm bumping up this thread. Don't try and stop me.....

I wanted to make a few extra bucks tonight, so I logged on all tired. When I'm tired, I act groggy, not unlike I'm drunk, so I tend to just lose it sometimes and say random things, get giggly, etc.

Had a guy take me private and tell me to call him "daddy".
Without even thinking, I blurted out,
"I'm not going to, EVER.... even if there's a FIRE!!" (movie quote: "Step Brothers")

He logs off. I slammed my forehead into my keyboard and turned in for the night.
I.Am.An.Idiot.

Procrasturbator
08-07-2013, 01:06 AM
For some reason when I finger myself my armpit makes the perfect fart-sound formation. There's something about the angle... combine that with the fast motions and awkward cam positions and it's pretty much a fart factory. I can't even do it the normal way (my childhood was filled with disappointment :() but at least once or twice a shift I'm just minding my business, pounding some pussy... and suddenly I'm hoping to god the custie wasn't listening too carefully.

Also: Is there a sexy way to remove a strand of hair from your vagina? If there is I haven't discovered it.

Tigrillo
08-07-2013, 04:18 PM
My mirror fell on me while on show the other night. :fail:

PrincessLavender
08-07-2013, 05:58 PM
Also: Is there a sexy way to remove a strand of hair from your vagina? If there is I haven't discovered it.

Lmao. I need to know this too!

scarlettbelle
08-07-2013, 06:12 PM
There is no sexy way to remove a strand of hair from ANYWHERE. Trust me, I've tried. :(

IsobelWren
08-07-2013, 09:13 PM
Also: Is there a sexy way to remove a strand of hair from your vagina? If there is I haven't discovered it.

LOL, when you find out, let me know! A friend of mine said to me the other day, "You white girls are like cats. You SHED!" I figure that cam detractors probably look at me like, "Oh, just another drug addicted whore. See, she keeps picking off 'hairs', that's a meth thing."

I swear I spend half my time in free chat pulling hairs off my person. Even when I make sure to brush my hair ahead of time and pull any hairs off my panties and the couch ahead of time there is STILL hair!

IsobelWren
08-07-2013, 09:34 PM
In exclusive tonight = On the couch, standing on my knees, I'd removed my panties down to my calves, and hung one leg hole off one foot. I'd snagged the other leg hole in the same hand to pull it and fling the panties off my foot like a burlesque trick.

Unbeknownst to me, my dog is snuggled on the floor at the corner of the sofa. I fling panties at her. She yelps, and jumps up on the sofa to get out of the way of the raining panties.

35 pounds of dog barrels into me, basically headbutting me to the other side of the couch. I squeal and shove at her, but there's nothing in the world that's going to get her back on the floor.

MAUM! Is rainin' UNDERPANTS down dere! I ain' goin' back down dere!

On C2C my reg is laughing so hard he's doubled over.

The dog looks at me, looks at the computer, walks in a circle, sighs, and settles into the couch. She looks back over her shoulder like, Ok. I'm here nao. I sleeps. You go 'way.

Reg is still laughing. He's wiping his eyes.

Naked, I scoop up the dog and carry her out the door. She looks uncomfortable and indignant when I plop her on the ground and shut her out.

WAKES meh up an' frows unnerpants on me an' don' even let meh sleep on de coush! RUDE! I hear her sigh and trot away down the hall.



La Senorita Jellybrain. Photo not taken at the time, obviously.
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff115/IsobelWren/RP/Cagney.jpg

Graceface
08-08-2013, 12:08 AM
@IsobelWren - I was having a really, REALLY ass-tastic night until I read this. <3

IsobelWren
08-08-2013, 11:20 AM
^Sorry you were having a bad night and I'm glad that my folly could make your night better. :)

laurielegs
09-20-2013, 12:27 PM
I was dead tired, just logging out and a new customer I hadn't done a show with before came into private. I had my sound on and in the middle of the private my cats started fighting in the corner and growling. I moan load to cover it up, get my face off cam to hide the fact that im trying so hard not to laugh.

My extreme fatigue is making it even harder not to giggle uncontrollably, then one kitty jumps onto the dresser where my other bra is, somehow hooks the strap over her head and jumps, gets scared that this strange object is following her, goes in circles and panics and by now I'm DYING laughing. Somehow I finished the private without the customer seeing what went on behind the scenes. I even got a thank you, hehe!

Procrasturbator
09-20-2013, 02:55 PM
Sooo last time I cammed I started my period during a show. That was bad enough.

That was a WEEK ago. A freaking week. I haven't worn a tampon for like two days now and I've been fine.

I'm in the middle of a show (literally 5 min ago) and I'm doing my thing, glance at my screen and I see "did i make my baby bleed?"

Yeah, bright red bloodstain on the sheets. Not end-of-period sludge type stuff (TMI but whatever, y'all know what I'm talking about) but BRIGHT RED BLOOD all over the white sheets.

Luckily the guy thought I was hot so I kept going (after explaining that it was against the rules and strategically positioning myself so the blood wasn't really visible) but what the fuck, body?

Actually maybe I nicked myself with a nail or something, IDK. This is really bizarre. Ohhh the joys of being a woman.

CinnimonKiss
09-20-2013, 04:50 PM
lol my glass anal toy broke during a gold show, thank fuck there was a big enough end on it that it didnt get stuck, Lol I screamed "IT BROKE IN MY ASS !!! "

Epic. wish i was recording that one

luscious sadie
09-20-2013, 04:57 PM
hahahah awesome

CinnimonKiss
09-20-2013, 04:59 PM
Yah it was a strange toy that had a bulp on it then went stick skinny then a rose on the end, the rose popped off. LOL do not buy wierd looking anal toys or cheap ones for that matter, lesson learned~!

rachelleigh
09-21-2013, 06:32 AM
I broke a lightbulb before getting on cam so I had the vacuum plugged in where my hitachi should be. When the show started. I figured whatever, I'll just fake with the hitachi sice they can't really hear it anyways...yeah, no. It pulled up and the whole cord was on the bed. If people could tell no one said anything and I fucked myself extra hard to make up for it but omfg. And then I forgot to plug it in next show as well...

Procrasturbator
09-21-2013, 06:16 PM
So technically no one else saw this but hey, why not share my idiocy with the world.

I just started recording clips and I never realized how ridiculously easy it is to do something so stupid as to forget to press the record button. I've done this twice so far in three clips. :(

Oh well, guess my nail painting clip just turned into... uhh... a second coat clip. Someone has to find that hot, right?

Zadi
10-14-2013, 02:35 AM
I was reading too fast and read "Today I was in an exclusive with my regular ass pointed at the cam..."

I was like "wtf is a regular ass?" "and what's a non-regular ass" started wondering if i have a regular ass or a non-regular ass.

your post is hilarious though :)

lmao I read the same thing

MarleyCat
11-21-2013, 02:18 AM
It finally happened.

I got my period during a show.

Thank goodness I was just sitting but I had just finished a nude booty shaking show. Oh god that would've been so fucking embarrassing I would've never logged on again. Since my regs know that I sort of manage a building, I just pretended that I had a maintenance request and had to bounce. I was going to just go put in a tampon and get back to work but then I got the most debilitating cramps.

Period, why you come with no warning? Then bring all of your crappy side effects too all at once. Ugh.

At least I made decent money before I had to go.

AmethystLily
11-21-2013, 03:10 AM
Ugh. During my first week ever of camming, someone fake-tipped me, and I fell for it. It was my own stupid fault, too--I knew that it makes a soud when you're tipped, and I'd read that users might try to do that. I just had a massive brain fart. When I realized my stupididity, I shut off the cam to have my panic attack, and didn't come back on for an hour.

Also, from last week--I was taken private, and giving a guy some pussy action. His typing was terrible, and he had asked me if I "sqirt," and I couldn't figure out what he meant by "skirt." It wasn't until an hour later, after the private was over, that I realized that he meant "squirt."

CurvyWinona
11-25-2013, 12:24 PM
In exclusive, guy wanted me to suck on some dildo.. I had a huge lunch before I hopped online and cam.

He watched the whole of puke going on. I had to take a bag next to me and puke the guts out into it. I could not hold it down.

So embarrassed!

Note to myself - NEVER DO BLOWJOB AFTER MEALS!

Nocturnelle
11-25-2013, 01:30 PM
Instead of putting my used dildo back on my table, I just set it down on my bed... Well, as someone who sheds a lot AND has a cat (who really should lint roll her bed...) I forgot about it, decided to try and be sexy and lick my freshly fucked dildo and instead got a mouth full of hair and lint.

Not sexy.

Loopsxxx
12-08-2013, 03:44 PM
Ahhh, was just in a private, with my tits out, legs open and dildos all over my bed (stupid me forgot to lock my door)

In strolls my step-sister, I don't know who was more embarrassed me or her LOL.

I then attempted to continue the private red faced. Awkward.


Ooh dear....:O

Sunnylexie
01-21-2014, 09:04 PM
1) Do a BJ Gold show featuring whipped cream and other tasties.
2) Realize you've been doing it to Rammstein's "Mein Teil" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mein_Teil) which might have given it a whole new meaning (perfect timing, Winap shuffle!).
3) Bite a chunk off the dildo to make the scene complete. (Really felt like doing it as the dildo was cheap, but then I thought I'd have to go downtown to buy a new one, so didn't)

SweetLilyRaven
01-23-2014, 08:37 AM
My first camming fail - I often cam in the late evenings, so I often have a cup of coffee sitting beside me on my desk. I also had done a really strenuous workout earlier that day and was pretty dehydrated, so I had a quart mason jar next to the coffee to sip on while I was camming. My favorite regular (who also popped my camming cherry) took me private. I know he likes me in tight pants and a tight halter top so I went to my closet to get the clothes out and change just off cam while he waited...I backed out of the closet and started shutting the door, but my toe was in the way - sharp edge of door + big toenail = instinctive reaction to back up further and yell "FUCK"...in backing up, my rather HUGE ASS hits my water jar, which hits my coffee cup and both glass and ceramic mug crash to the floor.

Table and floor covered in over a quart of water and coffee. My toenail broken and bleeding. "John" was so sweet and concerned, asked me if I was okay and told me he'd wait while I cleaned up the mess and mourned the breakage of one of my favorite coffee cups...I told him it might take a while and that I'd come back to finish our private.

I log out, clean up the mess, and come back on. He not only waited for me, but at the end he asked if anything got broken. I told him that my mug was broken and that it was my favorite mug. He asked how much I paid for it...and then tipped me TWICE what I paid for it!! He said he felt it was his fault it got broken and since I didn't want him to waste his money by waiting in private for me to clean up the mess, he wanted to spoil me...There's a reason why he's my favorite!