View Full Version : Do you WANT children?
Athenathefabulous
05-26-2011, 11:38 PM
This is sad. No, not that Athena doesn't want kids, rather that the smartest people aren't having kids. Look at the women in this thread who don't want kids, all smart women. Meanwhile, the lazy crack whores have baby after baby. I'm glad I won't be around when being smart will be extinct.
well i appreciate the complement.
to an extent i do agree... you are right that a lot of the most educated people seem to have the least amount of children. however, i feel like a lot of intelligence is due to nurture (vs. nature). i grew up on NJ which has one of the best public education systems in the country. i went to a very good public school and, up until high school when my home life finally got the best of me, i was a star student as a child. so basically, part of the reason why i am so awesome at math is because it was taught to me by very good teachers. also, i certainly have a lot of criticism for the way i was raised, but one of the really good things i can say about my mother is that she did make sure that i got the best education throughout my development.
i feel like a lot of the babys born to these cracked out parents could end up being super smart if they were raised differently. and the opposite is true, where if i was raised with the public education that most of america is forced to go through, then i would probably not be able to do anything past basic algebra. i think a lot of the stupidity is more to blame on the education system than genetics personally.
im sure you have seen idiocracy? obviously a hilarious exaggeration.. but the premise is what you are suggesting here.
Mindy Bares All
05-27-2011, 04:26 PM
This is sad. No, not that Athena doesn't want kids, rather that the smartest people aren't having kids. Look at the women in this thread who don't want kids, all smart women. Meanwhile, the lazy crack whores have baby after baby. I'm glad I won't be around when being smart will be extinct.
This speaks for itself and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has noticed. There are many different things that could be said about this, but alas, I will refrain so as to not step on any toes, or upset someone...
Kellydancer
05-28-2011, 12:42 PM
I'm seeing this in real life and to be honest it saddens me. I am glad that many realize kids aren't for them but at the same time it's so many of the idiots breeding. I know a lot of women having babies unmarried and on welfare, and men who think it's a bragging thing to mention all the women they got pregnant. Meanwhile the people I know who wanted careers spent time developing them then looked for a spouse and had trouble.
well i appreciate the complement.
to an extent i do agree... you are right that a lot of the most educated people seem to have the least amount of children. however, i feel like a lot of intelligence is due to nurture (vs. nature). i grew up on NJ which has one of the best public education systems in the country. i went to a very good public school and, up until high school when my home life finally got the best of me, i was a star student as a child. so basically, part of the reason why i am so awesome at math is because it was taught to me by very good teachers. also, i certainly have a lot of criticism for the way i was raised, but one of the really good things i can say about my mother is that she did make sure that i got the best education throughout my development.
i feel like a lot of the babys born to these cracked out parents could end up being super smart if they were raised differently. and the opposite is true, where if i was raised with the public education that most of america is forced to go through, then i would probably not be able to do anything past basic algebra. i think a lot of the stupidity is more to blame on the education system than genetics personally.
im sure you have seen idiocracy? obviously a hilarious exaggeration.. but the premise is what you are suggesting here.
I always recommend Idiocracy and I am convinced it is our future. I recently read a study that says the more educated the less likely to have kids. I think the education system should be improved but I think there is a lot more going on besides that. For one society glorifies unwed parenthood and people see it and think it looks fun. Also, we need to push welfare limits and birth control. I think if we did this the babies would decrease.
Moon Sprite
05-28-2011, 06:30 PM
I am 25 and I want kids but maybe in about 2-3 years. I want to be care free for a few more years. Just need to find the right man first. Need to stop dating assholes.
HollyInSeattle
05-30-2011, 11:55 AM
I hate to admit it, but I have never really wanted kids. In part because I had a bad childhood and I can't imagine bringing a kid into the world knowing the kinds of cruel things that can happen.
Kellydancer
05-30-2011, 02:42 PM
I'm 29. I want kids but I want to finish my masters degree and have a job that provides maternity leave before I do. Which means I've got about a 3 to 3 and a half year wait before I can have a child anyways. Which is fine since I don't have a serious boyfriend at the moment. Lol.
Now for the controversial part....if I don't have a guy in my life by the time I'm 37 or 38 I will probably have a child anyways. I have a couple of friends who are 40+ and childless and now wish that they had just done it on their own. I know it would be a lot more difficult financially/emotionally etc and I'm sure some people will think it's wrong to have a child without 2 parents to be there for him/her, but on the other hand most of my friends grew up with only one parent in their life (including myself: my dad died when I was 12).
Personally I don't think there is anything selfish about not wanting to have kids. In fact, I don't even understand that argument. I am a strong believer in personal choice.
I am seeing a lot of friends in their late 30's-early 40's having kids on their own. Many are adopting and others are going the sperm donor way. I would strongly suggest to them and anyone else that if they are single these are fare better choices than just getting pregnant by a guy. I love the idea of adoption myself.
peachplumpear
05-30-2011, 06:48 PM
hahahahaha Am I one of the ones representing the population of people who probably shouldn't be having kids but wants them? lol
Kellydancer
05-30-2011, 07:42 PM
Yes, I fully agree for several reasons, the primary one being that it just wouldn't be fair to said random guy. I'd likely go the sperm donor route. :) Hopefully it won't come to that, but I'm glad there are options out there for if it does.
Unfortunately I've seen a few women intentionally get pregnant by guys and it's sad. The guys who want to be in the child's life are often shut out while those who don't tend to keep doing that. I think this is awful for the child.
I don't see a problem with sperm donors though I wouldn't do it myself. I would do the adoption process and would be open to adopting even older kids. I don't know if I would consider IVF either because I've seen a few guys open to still having kids at my age, but many don't want to spend that kind of money on a risky procedure.
pussyinboots
05-30-2011, 09:57 PM
I posted this elsewhere a few months ago - I would LOVE to have children - but I physically can't conceive and carry a baby safely, so giving birth would be a massive risk. At over 45 years of age, it's all academic now anyway. Not having the ability to give birth used to be a huge empty space in my life but over the years I've become cool with it. There is a reason for everything I guess.
Kellydancer
05-30-2011, 10:29 PM
I posted this elsewhere a few months ago - I would LOVE to have children - but I physically can't conceive and carry a baby safely, so giving birth would be a massive risk. At over 45 years of age, it's all academic now anyway. Not having the ability to give birth used to be a huge empty space in my life but over the years I've become cool with it. There is a reason for everything I guess.
I've followed your threads on this and it always makes me sad. So sad that someone who would be a good mother can't have kids but those who are awful keep pumping out baby after baby. I often question why this happens.
pussyinboots
05-31-2011, 02:50 PM
I've followed your threads on this and it always makes me sad. So sad that someone who would be a good mother can't have kids but those who are awful keep pumping out baby after baby. I often question why this happens.
You are SOOO sweet.:-*
Kellydancer
05-31-2011, 04:13 PM
So are you. I am hoping eventually things good hppen for you and you get the baby you want.
Bunny
05-31-2011, 04:55 PM
I'm 39. Don't have them, don't want them.
_Avery_
05-31-2011, 05:02 PM
I've followed your threads on this and it always makes me sad. So sad that someone who would be a good mother can't have kids but those who are awful keep pumping out baby after baby. I often question why this happens.
This is something that breaks my heart to see. :(
girlfromipanema
05-31-2011, 06:25 PM
Almost 33 yrs. old. I want one child more than anything. I've lived a full life and that is the only thing missing. If I won the lottery today one of the first things I would do is adopt a baby and be done with it. ::) Wish life could be that simple.
It has been very hard for me to settle with a man. I'm engaged now, but he's being a cunt about getting married, so I carry on as if I will have to have a baby on my own. Friends say just find a better man, but that is easier said than done. Even if magic happened and I found one, it would take a year to get to know them, then it would take god knows how long for them to actually want to commit, if at all. By then, I would be about 35 and it would be getting risky. Miscarriages, Down Syndrome and other birth defects are very real risks of pregnancy after 35, and I'm not going to ignore scientific facts over exceptions and anecdotal evidence. So yea, I'm being proactive about it, just in case.
Kudos to all the women who had kids with men they loved at some point or still do. It's just not panning out that way for me, and I'm not going to pin all my hopes for a family on some white knight on a horse who apparently is never going to come.
pussyinboots
05-31-2011, 11:52 PM
I've followed your threads on this and it always makes me sad. So sad that someone who would be a good mother can't have kids but those who are awful keep pumping out baby after baby. I often question why this happens.
This is something that breaks my heart to see. :(
Thank you both for your kind thoughts. You know, I couldn't really talk to anyone about it for a long, long time - including my husband. So it's a testament to this Forum and the wonderful love and friendship I have found here - that I can talk openly about something that almost drove me insane not too many years ago.
*Kisses*
Kellydancer
06-01-2011, 10:37 AM
Almost 33 yrs. old. I want one child more than anything. I've lived a full life and that is the only thing missing. If I won the lottery today one of the first things I would do is adopt a baby and be done with it. ::) Wish life could be that simple.
It has been very hard for me to settle with a man. I'm engaged now, but he's being a cunt about getting married, so I carry on as if I will have to have a baby on my own. Friends say just find a better man, but that is easier said than done. Even if magic happened and I found one, it would take a year to get to know them, then it would take god knows how long for them to actually want to commit, if at all. By then, I would be about 35 and it would be getting risky. Miscarriages, Down Syndrome and other birth defects are very real risks of pregnancy after 35, and I'm not going to ignore scientific facts over exceptions and anecdotal evidence. So yea, I'm being proactive about it, just in case.
Kudos to all the women who had kids with men they loved at some point or still do. It's just not panning out that way for me, and I'm not going to pin all my hopes for a family on some white knight on a horse who apparently is never going to come.
Actually the whole 35+ mom thing is way blown out of proportion. My doctor said that the greatest increase of new moms are 40-44 so you still have time. As for the risks, she said that actually if you are healthy you only have a slightly higher risk of Downs. She said the majority of women she sees have delivered healthy babies. Even so the risk is very small, like 1% and goes up to around 10% at age 45. In other words a 45 year old woman has a 90% chance of a healthy baby. Also keep in mind these stats have not been updated and they are from a time when women had babies earlier and weren't generally as healthy because we didn't have the technology we do now. Not to mention that everyone's risk is actually lower of higher depending on your personal risks. For instance a 40 year old woman who eats healthy, takes vitamins, workout, with no serious issues has an even smaller risk, whereas an unhealthy 25 year old's risk is actually higher than an average 25 year old.
Btw, I have a history of late moms in my family and none have delivered an unhealthy baby. The one relative who did (my dad's brother and sister in law) had a Downs and they were in their 20's. Their other three kids (including a child born in their 40's) were healthy.
Kellydancer
06-01-2011, 10:45 AM
This is something that breaks my heart to see. :(
Me too. I have friends who would make excellent parents but are having trouble conceiving, then I think of all the women I knew who had kids they weren't prepared for. My former best friend for example was a 19 year old party girl when she became pregnant after her then 50 year old boyfriend told her he had a vasectomy. Another family friend became pregnant by a man who already had 4 other kids by 4 other women (and never married any of the women). Needless to say both went on welfare and in the second case the guy disappeared. At least my former best friend's boyfriend stood by her but their relationship was dysfunctional with drugs, alcohol and infidelity playing a major part in the drama. Not to mention his grown children (older than my friend) resented her.
Then there are the women in lived in the neighborhood I did with several babies. It was common to see a woman on welfare with 6 or so kids. I used to get so mad because these women kept having babies they couldn't afford and of course baby daddy didn't stick around.
This just saddens me because I could never have a child without a dad. It's not even the fact they weren't married, but rather that the father (or rather sperm donor) disappears.