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Jane Marie
10-29-2012, 05:43 PM
I still dont like kids, but I adore my own...biology is quite something...

I am the same way! I dont like other peoples kids, but mine is a different story haha :)

msincredible01
11-02-2012, 01:09 AM
Selectively maternal here, but whoever I pick... oh boy. It comes so natural its a bit frightening it's only come on the past few years too. And I don't have any children. I'm very maternal with grown people; my friends, co-workers, parents even. I feel like a very old soul. My dog isn't mothered...she's worshipped. I'd endure Saw-like torture for that dog..then throw whats left of my body at a pack of rabid wolves to protect my 5 pound rat.

sammii
11-03-2012, 02:59 AM
I completely lack maternal instincts. Just hearing a baby scream gives me major anxiety. I know for 100% fact I never want children of my own.

Actually, maybe I should re-phrase the first thing I said ... I don't completely lack maternal instincts, because I treat my dog just like a baby. She is my baby, lol.

Jay12
11-03-2012, 08:40 PM
I had mine two weeks ago, and despite I take care of him and all (I even nurse him on demand), I don't feel overly attached to him nor I get all giddy about him. I don't even soothe him properly nor I sing to him or any of those things, but his father does all those things to him. I guess I'm not as maternal as I though.

mercedes1018
11-09-2012, 06:36 PM
I pretty have no maternal instincts. I once held someone's baby when I worked in retail, and I thought he was adorable and that I wanted one myself one day.
However, the kid started crying and I immediately realized I was mistaken in that thought.

Other than that fleeting thought, babies and kids annoy me.
I'm also sensitive to the sight of blood, can't stand being around sick people or vomit/gross things.

I don't think I will ever have babies..

simone87
11-12-2012, 04:45 PM
i love kids now..its the adults i cannot stand! ! i've always loved children, but it wasn't til i had my son that my maternal instincts really kicked in..mother nature gives you a lil kick in the pants after child birth with all the hormones. my mother doesn't like other peoples children but loves her kids and grand babies so just because you dont have the instincts at a young age doesn't mean that you won't be a great mom when/if you have your own :)

msincredible01
11-13-2012, 04:12 PM
On a side note..who here has felt that "my dog is my child, I couldn't imagine loving anything more" phenomenon AND has experienced motherhood? How do the feelings compare, are they similar at all? I've always been curious about this because I cannot imagine loving anything more than I love my dog and I'm starting to think I'd love my dog more than my own child :X It's been a theory that the reason humans have domesticated dogs from wolves were that they felt a rush of the hormone, oxytocin, through our bodies at the sight of abandoned wolf puppies and docile wolves. Then have discovered they were practical to keep around for hunting and protection and as watchdogs ect. I guess petting dogs and cats has shown to release this hormone and thats why they say people with pets live longer because the hormone acts as a stress reliever. Oxytocin is a hormone referred to as the "love and cuddle" hormone or "mothering" hormone, one of the many thinks firing away through a new mothers brain to "bond" her with her newborn. Can anyone share their experiences with having pets and kids?

bunny8558
11-13-2012, 05:14 PM
I bond with animals far more readily than I did with my daughter. I think in my case, though, animals were the only things in my life that showed me love without hurting me. My parents (especially my mother) and ex-husband were abusive, so I didn't want to have a child due to not knowing how to be a loving, attentive mother and not having a loving spouse. He knocked me up on purpose to try and keep me from leaving (I found out after the baby was born!), so I felt abused by the pregnancy and baby themselves. My pets were sources of love-- children and family were sources of pain and rejection. All the cats, dogs, and rabbits I had growing up in the country were sources of love. My daughter is five now and I'm just now starting to bond... but as I've discussed with my boyfriend, I just suck at the mom thing. I wonder if I never got over my postpartum phase or something. I love my daughter, but I hate the social expectations placed on us as mothers. You can feed/house/train/love a pet, and you're an excellent pet owner. You feed/house/clothe/train/teach/love your kids, and you can still be treated as a bad mother because you don't feel the urge to sacrifice being sexy, dating, having friends, going out, going to school, buying yourself stuff, etc. For someone like me whose already had issues with bonding, having people judge me based on their consumer and martyr ideas of motherhood angers me.
In other words, I think many of us ARE maternal with our pets and children, but society wants us to sacrifice ourselves entirely for our children. I'm sorry if it's offensive to say so, but I think there's no point to women being born and living if their lives have to stop with parenthood. I've heard SO many women try to shame me for not giving up everything when I've already sacrificed so much to make sure she's safe, fed, and loved. We need to stop equating motherhood with martyrdom... the maternal instinct is there, but the willingness to pop out 1000 babies and give your entire life and happiness to that goal should be seen as an addiction, not a requirement.
It's far easier to love a pet in this society than it is to love your children without judgment and derision.

Jay12
11-18-2012, 12:40 PM
I love my daughter, but I hate the social expectations placed on us as mothers. You can feed/house/train/love a pet, and you're an excellent pet owner. You feed/house/clothe/train/teach/love your kids, and you can still be treated as a bad mother because you don't feel the urge to sacrifice being sexy, dating, having friends, going out, going to school, buying yourself stuff, etc. For someone like me whose already had issues with bonding, having people judge me based on their consumer and martyr ideas of motherhood angers me.

Some of my friends with kids had become completely devoted to their children, that they had forgotten about themselves and their marriage; they had left themselves go, they had divorced their spouses or are bouncing form man to man. Like I said in my previous post, I do take care of my son but I feel the same way as you do about how society wants to portrait motherhood. I do not feel the urge nor the desire to stop working out (as I'm writing this, I haven't started working out 'cause I'm still recovering from the pregnancy but I'm resuming once I get the ok from the doc) or to stop being sexy. I love the idea of being a sexy mother.



In other words, I think many of us ARE maternal with our pets and children, but society wants us to sacrifice ourselves entirely for our children. I'm sorry if it's offensive to say so, but I think there's no point to women being born and living if their lives have to stop with parenthood. I've heard SO many women try to shame me for not giving up everything when I've already sacrificed so much to make sure she's safe, fed, and loved. We need to stop equating motherhood with martyrdom... the maternal instinct is there, but the willingness to pop out 1000 babies and give your entire life and happiness to that goal should be seen as an addiction, not a requirement.
It's far easier to love a pet in this society than it is to love your children without judgment and derision.

THANK YOU!!!!!

bunny8558
11-18-2012, 05:51 PM
You're welcome, Jay. At least I know I'm not (completely) off-base.
NEARLY EVERY WOMAN I've spoken to in the past year about pregnancy and motherhood agrees at least in part to this-- it seems we're all afraid of how men and old-fashioned women will judge us if we say pregnancy is scary and a risk, children are time-consuming and limiting, etc. Feeling that way doesn't mean you're a bad mother.... it means you're being honest instead of worshiping the IDEA of motherhood and IDEA of a child.
(Child-worshiping mothers with bratty children are not good mothers IMO, but society seems to think otherwise lol)

kortneykay
11-22-2012, 01:23 PM
Meeeeeeeeeeeeee I love kids, but I just don't want them. Also, in the industry that I'm trying to get back into right now, I'm not even trying to take away from myself lol. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm happy to be on my period and have been using protection with my own soon to be ex-husband. I'm SUPER happy he didn't knock me up because I'd probably kill myself. Just saying.

bubblegumbitch
12-22-2012, 02:35 PM
:) :) :) :) :)

bubblegumbitch
12-22-2012, 02:37 PM
double post.. oops!

AureliaC
04-13-2013, 12:34 AM
Liking kids isn't the same as a maternal instict, there's no reason to feel that way about other people's kids, they already have a mom. Seeing a kid throwing a tantrum in the store and thinking, "wow, glad he isn't mine" doesn't mean you'll be a bad mom. I feel that way about kids, and I think I make a pretty darn good mom (if effort counts for anything)

I don't however agree that we're supposed to be good little stay at home moms anymore, we're supposed to be SUPERMOM: capable of raising perfect, well adjusted children while doing battle in the corporate world, bringing home the bacon for our families. I honestly feel looked down on when I tell people I'm a stay at home mom (ok I bring home 95% of the income for my family, but I don't advertise that) like its somehow an insult to feminism that I don't work. And its not enough to do one or the other, we now have the pressure of balancing working full time and being an amazing mother. And there's always a mile long list of things you HAVE to do as a mother or ohmygod your kid will be in therapy his whole life because he ate pears at 5 months and doesn't sleep in the new velcro blanket. Like if you stay at home with them you have no excuse for not giving your entire life to your kid.

Aniela
04-13-2013, 05:39 AM
Sugarmouse took the words out of my mouth re: adoring her animals but not fancying kids - maybe just maternal w/ the wrong species - that's me 1000000%!

It burns me up to no end that the subject comes up esp. w/ my father & he gives me that patronising 'Oh, you'll change your mind!' as if the decision has already been made for me. I know well enough that I don't want kids, I am very clear on my reasons for not wanting them, but that's a whole other rant.

Now, all this being said, there are three things I would kill sm1 over, & child abuse is one of them.

MissSassyPickles
04-13-2013, 01:30 PM
Yep, never having kids. I've even tried to get fixed but no doctor will do it because I'm too young so I have an IUD at the moment.

I love animals, especially cats (okay totally a stereotype here but I don't care!) and I fuss over them like kids, but I know I'd make a bad parent because I have literally no patience and I think I would snap at my kids and lose my temper easily.

I used to have much stronger feelings about being anti-child that a lot of parents would consider offensive if I were to to truly state how I feel lol but I have just decided not to care about others and focus on myself, since I can't change them and what they do, even if I don't agree with it.

I like the idea of my sister having kids, and then when they get old enough I can be the "cool aunt" and they can come to me for advice and support, and talk to me about things that they wouldn't be able to talk to their mom about, I think that would be awesome.

tuesdaymarie
04-13-2013, 01:51 PM
^I'm like you in pretty much every way you described, except I'm already an aunt and I'm not that into it. My nieces are 7 and 10, so maybe I'll be a little more interested in them as they get older, but I just don't like having to entertain other creatures (which is probably why I even hesitate to get a dog--they're so needy in comparison to cats!). Their mother has already made multiple remarks about how "there's a reason we don't ask you to babysit" because I "talk to them like they're adults," which is apparently an awful thing to do.

I tried to get an IUD, but I had a vasovagal reaction during insertion, so now I'm back on the pill. My SO is going to try to get a vasectomy sometime this year though. Anytime we see someone with multiple misbehaving children, we look at each other and silently give a "no babies!" high five.

GlamourRouge
04-13-2013, 04:09 PM
I feel like maternal instincts are apart of your personality. Some people don't have them, some people do. Probably natures way of cutting down or evening out the population. That's my theory on the increasing percentage of gay/lesbian people, too.

Its the media and society that makes you feel like you should have maternal instincts. But it doesn't really matter.

MissSassyPickles
04-13-2013, 06:12 PM
^I'm like you in pretty much every way you described, except I'm already an aunt and I'm not that into it. My nieces are 7 and 10, so maybe I'll be a little more interested in them as they get older, but I just don't like having to entertain other creatures (which is probably why I even hesitate to get a dog--they're so needy in comparison to cats!). Their mother has already made multiple remarks about how "there's a reason we don't ask you to babysit" because I "talk to them like they're adults," which is apparently an awful thing to do.

I tried to get an IUD, but I had a vasovagal reaction during insertion, so now I'm back on the pill. My SO is going to try to get a vasectomy sometime this year though. Anytime we see someone with multiple misbehaving children, we look at each other and silently give a "no babies!" high five.

Yeah definitely not at 7 or 10, but once they are teenagers. I always talk to kids like they are adults too, I think that whole baby talk thing is sooo stupid. My mom refused to talk to me like that either, and she always called me and my sister "little people" not like we were a different species lol. I totally agree with you about dogs too, they are so much more work!

That sucks about your IUD experience, have you considered the one you get in your arm? I think it's called Implanon, my friend got it and loves it. Even if my partner got snipped I would still be on birth control just because I have heavy periods and acne, so that's probably what I would do if I couldn't have an IUD.

tuesdaymarie
04-13-2013, 06:36 PM
^This is going to sound really crazy, but the thought of something being under my skin like that horrifies me. I just got my boobs done and anytime I saw them during the first few days (especially when I stood up and felt how heavy they were), I nearly vomited. I don't mind getting shots or having blood drawn (though I cannot bear to watch needles break skin), but having an IV stuck in me nearly gives me an anxiety attack. It was easily the worst part of surgery. It just makes my skin crawl and I have to focus on breathing to not completely lose my shit. So, yeah, probably another reason on the list of why I shouldn't have kids. I would probably have a psychotic break if I saw the scary as fuck foot outline against my skin or something.

I'm kind of afraid to go off hormones because of my skin too. I've been on the pill since 16 or 17 and I used to have really terrible skin. My doctor said only one pill was actually studied for treating acne, and it only showed modest results at best. So maybe I just grew out of my awful skin on my own. Fingers crossed...

Kellydancer
04-14-2013, 12:10 PM
I am strongly anti pill but not for religious reasons. I am against using anything hormonal in general for anything and try to avoid any medication when it has hormones. I also have issues with needles too but that's because I have a fear of them.

Anyway, having children is not for everyone and I am glad society now accepts this. I shudder to think of the kids in the past born because it was expected the parents would have kids. I teach 1st grade at church and have found my maternal instincts (which I wasn't sure I had)really get strong but I don't talk baby talk to them and don't even to my 3 year old niece. I leave that to my cat and dog. However I am not in charge of raising the kids I teach and they go home eventually with their parents.

Selina M
04-15-2013, 05:16 PM
No kids here, not now, not ever. I think I have entirely the wrong mindset for them, as does my boyfriend. He literally gets extremely uncomfortable around anything under the age of 13/14, to the point where we have to leave; with the littlest ones it's actual disgust and discomfort, and with the pre-teens it's that they're usually really badly behaved and they do things like bang on the glass at his work and taunt the animals (he's a zookeeper).

I myself never liked kids as a teenager; I was disgusted by them and their messing themselves/spitting up/tantrums/you name it. Tons of my friends babysat and I was just not having it. I had been raised around all adults, and didn't like children because they weren't on my level.

Now, I enjoy them to a point. I adore my godson, and my other friend just had a baby as well that I'm happy to play auntie with. I am still not anywhere near gushy though; the latter was born 4 months premature, and while everybody was cooing and crying about what a miracle he was, I was fascinated with his skin being transparent and what the machines were doing... science-y doctor-y stuff.

My dog is a different story... I think he got all my maternal instincts. I am fiercely protective of him and will talk to him in baby nonsense lingo all day long... to the point where boyfriend said the other day, very seriously, "I'm worried about you and that dog." :D