View Full Version : This guy sounds cheap.
tampadancer
07-25-2011, 12:44 PM
what exactly are you paying for? And did anyone hold a gun to your head and take your money from you?
Also, being an unwed parent and having multiple children from multiple partners are not necessarily correlates. DO you consider that maybe the women don't want to marry their babies fathers? That they accidentally got pregnant, but didn't have an abortion? You are trying to look at a VERY complex issue as black and white, and it just isn't that simple.
I'm not trying to convince you to date divorced men or fathers - not at all... you want what you want, I get it. I just would love for you to stop spitting so much venom towards people who haven't lived their lives the way you (who haven't ever walked in their shoes) think they should.
Kellydancer
07-25-2011, 12:49 PM
My TAXES go up to pay for welfare. Most unwed parents end up on welfare (as much as 70% I have seen places). I don't want to pay for them. If they can't afford babies then they should be using birth control or being abstinent. When I couldn't afford babies I made sure I didn't get pregnant.
Davey17
07-26-2011, 03:03 AM
My TAXES go up to pay for welfare. Most unwed parents end up on welfare (as much as 70% I have seen places). I don't want to pay for them. If they can't afford babies then they should be using birth control or being abstinent. When I couldn't afford babies I made sure I didn't get pregnant.
Maybe thats where Its so different to what Im talking about ....
I dont know anyone on Welfare ..but I do know plenty of single parents ( Aussie single parents admittedly ) ..they certainly are not on welfare , but to Label one catogery as " Scum " ..is just downright silly .
Its like saying " All strippers are Sluts " ...Its simply NOT true , really theres a big world out there ..You need to take the Blinkers off .
I agree you should avoid babies if you cant afford them ..But dont then use this to judge all single parents ! ..Im not one myself , but I was ..and its dam hard work running a business , and getting though those early years .
But you come out the other end with much more character than you took in ..and you are no longer like a Selfish single , you think of others ..Much better .:O:O
Davey17
07-26-2011, 03:07 AM
I think its nice that you really want to get married, but I agree with the others... life is still worth living on your own. I do hope you find that guy your looking for, but I do notice that you have a significant amount of criteria. Part of having a life partner is having someone that loves and accepts your faults and you accept theirs. I think you should definitely not settle for anyone, but at the same time what happens when that perfect man you find realises you dont fit into his "criteria"? Sometimes I think having a slightly more open mind would help you see the person you are looking for. I worry that you might have already passed him by.
Beautifully put Jessie .. And look , Id love you to be happy ( in whatever form thats takes ) ..But Mate , arrrgghhh ! the criteria ....
If only life were that Black / White ............ So many shades of Grey .;)
Davey17
07-26-2011, 03:16 AM
What? I don't live my life like reality tv. Quite the contrary I live my life like the 50's. Yes I find the culture here disgusting where divorce is readily available and acceptable. I cringe when I hear stories about never married parents and I loathe these types of scum.
Plenty of assholes walking around, period.
Kelly ...... I also just dont get the Christain bit ? pref Catholic ? ...and then you tell us , that another complete group is " Scum " .....
This does not seem at all hypocritical to you ? ...Maybe Its a view held from over here .. not sure .:-[:-[
kthnx
07-26-2011, 10:24 AM
Ironic u accuse her of bein hypocritical, when I find it hypocritical for the very people that judge kellys criteria fir bein "too strict" to already be happily married to a hottie while still in their 20s, or a proud parent. I'd like to see some1 that's OVER 40, NEVER MARRIED, AND CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE honestly claim kellys standards are too strict
Kellydancer
07-26-2011, 11:02 AM
Ironic u accuse her of bein hypocritical, when I find it hypocritical for the very people that judge kellys criteria fir bein "too strict" to already be happily married to a hottie while still in their 20s, or a proud parent. I'd like to see some1 that's OVER 40, NEVER MARRIED, AND CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE honestly claim kellys standards are too strict
Unfortunately, I don't think there are many like that here. It's either in their 20's or older and married. That's what I mean, people think I should take anything out there. I've had relatives try to match me up with these guys then when I reject they tell me I am too strict. However, some of the same people have even stricter rules. One relative is 5'3 and only dates men over 6foot, another only lawyers, and another one has a longer laundry list that me. There's this unspoken rule that never married should just take anything. I had a guy relative who is still single and like me doesn't date single moms. He gets so much grief for this and he tells them he hates drama and doesn't want to pay for kids except any he might have.
lemiwinks31
07-26-2011, 12:40 PM
Nobody is asking you to settle...(well, I'm not anyway) And of course, everyone has a right to define their criteria.
It just seems that you are having a rough time and we are just trying to get you to maybe look at things a different way. It seems you have a brick wall infront of you and you insist on trying to knock it down by running THROUGH it.....and we are trying to help you find a way AROUND it.
Maybe the last 5 guys you met who were divorced without an annullment were jerks. Is it because all divorced guys are jerks? Is it because the majority of online daters are jerks? Is it because the divorced guys YOU come across are jerks.
We are just trying to help.(most of us)
By the way, have you gone to that catholic singles group yet?(seems like a great idea)
Kellydancer
07-26-2011, 01:27 PM
I contacted that singles group and they told me they don't have much planned for the next few weeks with the summer. I don't think all divorced men are jerks, I just don't want to date men like that, especially if they have kids.
xGigi
07-26-2011, 04:34 PM
If he fixes laptops, he must have A+ (which consists of two pricey exams). Have you seen his BMW before? If you haven't, he's either lying about it, or is an older model and has already been paid off, or he may bough it used.
THIS. I saw an old BMW on craigslist for 5000 bucks.
sweet_baby
07-26-2011, 08:00 PM
THIS. I saw an old BMW on craigslist for 5000 bucks.
LOL i saw it too. it's probably low on mileage... :)
silk55
07-27-2011, 07:18 AM
I have to agree with all view points here. Being 32yrs old and having a some what successful life. I would tend to agree with Kellydancer. Why have the baggage of a single parent (the ex is usually present 70% of the time which complicates matters) or the divorcee? If she's single and has set those standards then let her.
lemiwinks31
07-27-2011, 08:12 AM
I have to agree with all view points here. Being 32yrs old and having a some what successful life. I would tend to agree with Kellydancer. Why have the baggage of a single parent (the ex is usually present 70% of the time which complicates matters) or the divorcee? If she's single and has set those standards then let her.
yeah...i agree. As long as she is doing well, why change. If it aint broke, dont fix it.
tampadancer
07-27-2011, 08:32 AM
I have to agree with all view points here. Being 32yrs old and having a some what successful life. I would tend to agree with Kellydancer. Why have the baggage of a single parent (the ex is usually present 70% of the time which complicates matters) or the divorcee? If she's single and has set those standards then let her.
I am not suggesting she change her standards, but I just get tired of the negative comments about divorcees and single parents... calling them "scum," for instance.
I, btw, have never been married, nor do I have children...so this isn't a matter of personally finding her comments offensive.
Kellydancer
07-27-2011, 10:44 AM
I didn't say being divorced means someone is scum, I said having multiple babies without being married puts someone in the scum category. We can all be pc here and say this is fine, but the reality is it ISN'T fine. I know will mention not believing in marriage and being with their parent etc but these cases are rare. In at least 70% of cases the unwed mother goes on welfare and many times the dad leaves. I've seen more than my fair share of these cases and yes these people are bottom feeders. It's not sexy to date a man with kids from a woman he didn't respect enough to marry.
I have to agree with all view points here. Being 32yrs old and having a some what successful life. I would tend to agree with Kellydancer. Why have the baggage of a single parent (the ex is usually present 70% of the time which complicates matters) or the divorcee? If she's single and has set those standards then let her.
Thanks. I often get these comments that I'll be alone if I don't settle. I refuse to settle and yes it may cause me to never marry but would prefer that over divorcing because I married a dad and it caused conflict.
silk55
07-27-2011, 11:17 AM
I didn't say being divorced means someone is scum, I said having multiple babies without being married puts someone in the scum category. We can all be pc here and say this is fine, but the reality is it ISN'T fine. I know will mention not believing in marriage and being with their parent etc but these cases are rare. In at least 70% of cases the unwed mother goes on welfare and many times the dad leaves. I've seen more than my fair share of these cases and yes these people are bottom feeders. It's not sexy to date a man with kids from a woman he didn't respect enough to marry.
Thanks. I often get these comments that I'll be alone if I don't settle. I refuse to settle and yes it may cause me to never marry but would prefer that over divorcing because I married a dad and it caused conflict.
I've been holding out on the marriage thing for 32yrs. I also just turned 32 this past week and it's put a lot of things into perspective. I almost got close to marriage but it turned out that she turned into a completely different person once she moved in. I've seen a lot of friends rush into things and a few friends that actually met they're soul mate after just a few months. I'm a bit more cautious about making that big of a commitment. But who know's I could be married by next month lol. I'm a cancer so I get emotional ::)
Kellydancer
07-27-2011, 11:24 AM
Same here. I've been proposed to a few times but knew they were bad choices. I have seen people rush into it and get divorced or unhappy. I want marriage badly, but will not settle for something I find upsetting just to be married. People often think that my dislike of dating dads has to do with the kids, but no it has to do with the exes. In the past I did date dads because I believed the lie that they were better choices than never married, childless men. My experience has been that it's drama galore. The guy often couldn't take me to nice restaurants or a nice date. These guys were paying mortgages for their houses that the ex and the kids lived in while they lived in tiny apartments. If we had married he would have expected me to help raise his kids when he has them and give my money to them. First case scenario is that the ex would have sued for more child support and I would have had to give some of my money to her (yes this does happen). I've had friends who were unable to have babies because their husband couldn't afford it with the other kids.
kthnx
07-27-2011, 12:18 PM
Also, consider that if Kelly lowered her standards, guys woud likely pick up vibes that she's desperate. That would turn them off. I had a guy friend who went thru a drout with dating and during this drout he got kinda desperate...eg, I'd point out a chubby ho-hum lookin chick when we were out and ask if he'd go for Her and he said "sure!". Not yes or no, but SURE. do u think this standards lowering helped him? Nah it made him an easy target for snubbery even from the chubby plain looking girls. When he went for girls more his type (petite, curvy, nonwhite), he had a LOT more catches. I found the same thing, when I raiser my standards I not only attracted more guys, but bEtter quality guys too. Another example is pabst beer. When they lowered there prices thinking it'd bring in more biz, it had the opp effect. People started perceiving pabst as cheap quality and avoided it...pabst never regained it's position on the beer market ever again.
Kelly, keep ur standards, a guy who fits em will come along soon enough. Don't cheapen urself like pabst did :)
michele11
07-27-2011, 02:13 PM
Lmao, was pabst blue ribbon or watever it's called ever considered decent beer? I am no beer drinker but this is what I saw cheap people drink. Sorry to threadack but the thought of pabst being some high end beer was just too funny not to comment on!
kthnx
07-28-2011, 01:41 AM
No I don't think it was ever "high end" but it was popular on the level of coors or miller. It was on tap at most bars that served beer on tap. Now it's a novelty to find a bar with pabst on tap, usually only occurs at a rare few urban dive bars, the kind college "hipsters" visit. The fact that u think pabst is only for poor people exemplifys my point. By cheapening in hopes to attract MORE sales/dates/etc, it can actualy backfire in making the product/person look cheap or low quality. We can also relate this to a stripper who cuts her dance prices or starts "giving it up" way too soon into a lapdance (could be xtras but not necessarily)...she's not gonna attract the high rollers with those "sales skills" or if she does customers will use her for 1 dance then have no reason to buy another.
This thred started becuz the op felt cheapened that a dude asked her if she had a coupon he could use on her. Well lowering standards on issues one is adamint about is a way to feel cheap too. Esp if cheapening ones dating standards means ironicly giving up the thing 1 wants most. Eg, a childless woman with time running out who wants to have her own child, going for a guy who has 3 kids and can't afford to have any more kids, including any with her...what's the point of lowering standards if that's the kinda "time wasters" 1 will get?
pollywogg
07-28-2011, 02:02 AM
listen to your intuition