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tinydancer23
07-20-2011, 03:27 PM
maybe it is a troll. i have too much experience w/rape and dv to not err on the side of believing it's real. me trying to help or share experience & tools for survival and resistance will not hurt anything...if it is a troll, oh well. i'd rather be made a fool out of than have it be real and have not done or said anything i could to help.

blkschoolgirl
07-20-2011, 03:27 PM
I'm sorry you're going through this hun. Being alone is not scary, and I can testify to that. I was never abused by a partner, but I was by my family and others. I was afraid to be alone, but somehow I realized that my life was on the line so I left. There are so many other people out there who can appreciate you so much more than your current pos boyfriend. You should start by appreciating and loving yourself first and knowing you are worth so much more.

xoxDoll
07-20-2011, 03:35 PM
a dv or victim's advocate could help you come up with a plan to do that and support you to make it real. can your family help at all?

I don't even know how I would do that. I wouldn't have a way to talk to them. And the only family I have is more of a mess than me. :-\
I think I will be okay to get out on my own. I would just need to call a cab, make it to the airport and get on a plane. I just wish I had someone to help me with stupid stuff...like how can I find a place to rent without being able to talk on the phone. Will I even be able to find a place since I will be disappearing from this place in the middle of my lease so obviously I won't have a reference. My bf is on the lease and there is a 5,000 security deposit I guess he will get that because I don't know how I will be able to without making it known that I am leaving. Then I want to keep camming, I just don't know how I can do it without him finding me I guess I can block neighboring states and states where he knows anyone.
I guess if I can't find a place to rent I can stay in a hotel..do most hotels rent to 22 year olds? I went to one once and they wanted you to be 25 or older. Also I don't have a car and I know to rent a car you need a credit card and I don't have one and won't be approved for once since my credit is fucked..so I guess I will need to move to a city where you don't need a car. So much stuff to figure out.

roast
07-20-2011, 03:38 PM
Sorry to bump this but this is what this forum is all about - everyone flooding the OP with advice,personal stories, support, rage (but in a good way, I am positive some people have been triggered by this post and want to ensure you and anyone else in this situation are OK OP), etc... Im sure the prospect of dealing with this as a sex worker is even more daunting - but I agree with tinydancer's recommendation: victim advocates have seen and heard it all (and many were in a similar situation)

Thanks ladies, I knew I appreciated these forums for a reason - and this pile on definitely reminded me of that. I just wanted to say that.

OP, seriously, PM anyone in this thread if you just need another person to add onto gchat or yahoo or skype or whatever - I bet most of us don't have the best sleep hygiene so the more you have to talk to the better. Isolation is the worst when youre in this situation

xoxDoll
07-20-2011, 03:48 PM
If anyone has yahoo my id there is xoxodoll89
Thank you guys so much for your help.

Sam38g
07-20-2011, 03:48 PM
People with bad credit rent places all the time
Hotels will take your money.
You will have to write off the $5000 deposit as a lessoned learned.
Try craigslist there are rooms for rent, just be careful. There are many people out there who need a roomate due to the bad economy.

Attempting to walk out the door with possions is impossible and all can be replaced. Don't let things be the reason you stay and get beaten over.

Sam

tinydancer23
07-20-2011, 03:52 PM
what about contacting a dv/victim's advocate via email since you have internet access?

if you have the financial resources to walk out, buy a plane ticket, get away and rent an apartment somewhere else that sounds like a very good plan - i just know for me and most people i know we wouldn't have those kind of resources and would be at risk for ending back up in the same situation because of money. i don't want that to happen to you. but if you do have the money to do that it may be a good plan.

kballar
07-20-2011, 04:02 PM
The OP is having a hard time i think because long before the physical abuse started... There was the mental/emotional abuse! This type is said to be the worst and it kind of is! She is having a hard time because this punk mf is in her head! Also when you are living on edge all the time.... You become mentally and emotionally drained. This makes it even harder to make choices and see your way out. Anyways, having been in your shoes (to an extent) I say just get up and leave NOW!!!! The longer you stay the more he tears you down and the harder it will be!! What exactly are you waiting for???? you dont need a plan. Go to your kitchen and get a knife or fill an old sock with change or whatever and go to the door and WALK OUT NOW!!! If he tries to stop you fuck HIM up! You dont need a plan go to the nearest E.R. and tell the the TRUTH. They will pair you with an advocate and you can go from there. Please... when i read your post I felt a hot flash and my anxieties went through the roof. Leaving is both the hardest and easiest thing to do. Stop reading/planning/thinking.... grab something to defend yourself and walk!!

xoxDoll
07-20-2011, 04:03 PM
what about contacting a dv/victim's advocate via email since you have internet access?

if you have the financial resources to walk out, buy a plane ticket, get away and rent an apartment somewhere else that sounds like a very good plan - i just know for me and most people i know we wouldn't have those kind of resources and would be at risk for ending back up in the same situation because of money. i don't want that to happen to you. but if you do have the money to do that it may be a good plan.

How do I do that I tried googling and can't find anything...

Also..I will have to save for a month or 2 before I would have enough to move /:O

tinydancer23
07-20-2011, 04:07 PM
i'd have to know your city & state to find out but you can pm me if you want me to look for you. i can also contact folks in my networks depending on where you are. i understand if you don't feel comfy sharing the info but i'm here if you want me to do that.

kballar
07-20-2011, 04:12 PM
Sorry but Im emotional... U do NOT need to talk to any1 or have any money screw your belongings etc just go like now.... What is any stupid thing sets him off and he hits you tonite. What if that blow kills you or worst?! Your life is in danger the longer you stay!! He is not rational nor completely sane or he wouldnt treat you this way. Just get up and go PLEASE.

Sam38g
07-20-2011, 04:13 PM
Problem with hiding money, is that he will beat the crap out of you. Knowing that you are saving up to leave.

There is no planning, just leaving. At the most you will have to wait a week or two for a cam check to come through. This really isn't that long to wait or crash on a friends couch.

Sam

Ebonyqueen
07-20-2011, 04:16 PM
huny theres absolutely nothin normal bout a man usin u as his punchin bag he has no ryt to lay his hands on u.hes a coward n shud go pick on sum1 his own age n size. my heart goes out to u.we all wana help u but until u decide u want to do sumthin bout this then all we can do is offer u advice n be there 4 u but its up to u to take tht advice.postin here was the 1st step n i hope u find the courage to get out of tht relationship b4 its too late.tht man doesnt love u he wnts sum1 to take care of him n thts wat u doin.its so sad tht man these days r so comfortable n dnt mind lettin a woman take care of them.real men know where to draw the line. wat is this guy doin 4 u?how is he helpin u?i can't believe tht he has the nerve to beat u cuz u say u too tired to work.its so easy 4 him to call u a lazy bitch well he there sittin on his ass instead of lookin 4 a job so hes a fine one to talk.sweety u can do witout this guy.i understand y its so difficult 4 u to get out u bn wit him 4 years n u cant imagine yo life witout him but in this case i really think u shud start imaginin yo life witout him.this relationship is toxic.he swears at u today beats u up tomorrow threatens to kill u,do u wana know wat hes guna do next? HES GUNA KILL U.this guy is usin u.girl if u search deep witin u u'l find the answer. if u in a relationship n start feelin intimidated by yo bf walk away its not easy but u shud never let a man get away wit hurtin u like tht.love is not bng bng afraid of yo partener once u feel tht then sumthin is wrong.hes isolated u, hes broken u down, u have no self esteem, u feel useless, hopeless, worthless u even make excuses 4 him,"hes ryt to hit me i provoked him,"thts the staff tht u've come to blv,m i gettin warm yet?i really think i am.this is exactly how he wants u to feel,like u cant live witout him.u takin care of him beautiful, hes the one who cant live witout u.yo life is worth mo than this.hes makin u miserable please dnt make excuses 4 him.once a guy hits u he'll always hit u.abusive guys r so gud at pullin the sympathy card.he'll apologise he'll get on his knees ,he'll cry,u'l feel guilty feel like well maybe u did deserve him hittin u like tht.then u 4give him till the next tym he feels u've pissed him off then u start all over again.the girls r ryt this is never i repeat never guna stop.u have to get outa there.wen u do decide to leave please make sure u leavin him 4 gud.abused women tend to go bak to their abusive partners.i've said this b4 in one of my posts jus stand infront of the mirror.look at tht girl thts starin back at u.does she deserve wat u puttin her thru.i say u cuz u seem to be makin excuses 4 this guy.it seems u tryna c the gud in him but if u lookin 4 the guy u fell in love wit hes long gone n its not yo job to bring him bak.he has to get help n so do u.sumtyms we go thru things in life n think we can sort them out on our own or we think gettin councellin is outa the question but after wat u bn thru thts the best thing u can do 4 yoself. u r beautiful n dnt lose tht special girl in u tht once had all the confidence to take on the world.yes CONFIDENCE we r camgirls n every1 of us has tht we myt not feel tht way sumtyms but it takes a lot to do wat we do.tht girl u was is still there sumwhere jus find her:)

xoxDoll
07-20-2011, 04:25 PM
Problem with hiding money, is that he will beat the crap out of you. Knowing that you are saving up to leave.

There is no planning, just leaving. At the most you will have to wait a week or two for a cam check to come through. This really isn't that long to wait or crash on a friends couch.

Sam

If he does find it, which I doubt... he will he won't know it was money to leave. I can tell him I was saving up to surprise him with something.

And..I don't have a friends couch to crash on. I don't leave near anyone I know. All I have is far away old friends I haven't talked to in years.

Ms.Lacey
07-20-2011, 04:25 PM
As women in abusive relationships, be it verbal, mental, and/or physical we hold on because that is all we know. You become more afraid to be/make it on your own so you stay and deal because at some point you learned to blame yourself.

I stayed and dealt with cheating, I mean that man even spit in my face. Tried to hit me with our son in my arms. I told myself enough and ever time I believed I missed him or felt myself falling back into old habits, I would said "I deserve more"

Move on and make it that simple because in all reality it is.

Troll or not this is a general message to anyone that needs some motivation

MzStar
07-20-2011, 04:31 PM
Now you seem like a con artist. Would they put him in jail? REALLY! Guess you have never watched a lifetime movie in your life with that statement.

He has agorphobia yet your afraid he will chase you down. If he truly had it then you wouldn't be worried at all about him walking out the door at all.

I assume you do go to the bank? Grocery store? run errands? pay bills? or do you both live as total shut ins?

You threaten to leave or call the cops as control. Dail once and see if they don't show up or call back? Because they will.

Before posting here, I would have assumed you did research on abuse to see what options you had.

Here are some cold hard facts:

A man who kills his partner during an abusive relationship will spend less than 10 years in jail. Judges, prosecutors and juries believed she could have left at any time and deserved the punishment for being so stupid in staying with his ass. No matter what the threats of danger there were.

If a woman kills her abuser then she will get 20 years or more, even if it was proven to be extremely violent relationship.

I have had several friends in abusive relationships. I have picked them up in the middle of the night, alone to have them go back the very next day. I remained friends with them, but they could not complain about the abuse. If they are willing to tolerate being a victim then why should my ears be victim to the stories of abuse they thought wasn't bad enough to leave over.

If you truly wanted out, then you would find a way. You would walk out the door and keep going without looking back.

I do NOT trust those who are just looking for sympathy, you chose to stay.

Sam


Like I said ..... TROLL!!!!! looking for attention.

tinydancer23
07-20-2011, 04:35 PM
just talked to a shelter local to you, pming you with the info they gave me. my power just went out in my house so i may not be able to send it all to you tonight (hopefully the power company will get this fixed asap).

MzStar
07-20-2011, 04:38 PM
wow.

okay. apparently some people live in a fantasy world where the police are always there to help you and your family will save you from everything. the fact is, a lot of the time, the police will not do shit - it depends a lot on where you live and who the police are and what color your skin is and how much money you have and how lucky you are. i have had several family members die from domestic violence, even when the perpetrators were violating their parole months beforehand. the police did absolutely fucking nothing about it, despite numerous house calls, reports, requests for help, and attempts to get protection orders (there are no domestic violence shelters where i am from, the closest ones are a few hours car trip away). also, not everyone has family (i have almost none), especially family that has the resources to help in a situation like this.

please research victim's advocates and domestic violence groups in your area. if you don't know where to start looking, let someone know your location and research for you (i would be happy to do this). they can help you work with the police and get out of there and are usually a better long term solution than the police. they can help with housing, shelter, anonymity and safe space in ways the police sometimes cannot and will not. they can also help you navigate the legal system, which is NOT cut and dried and does not always err on the side of the victim in cases of domestic violence.

i'm not saying don't contact the police. take pictures of the beatings. DO contact the police. please take his ass to court and have him sent to jail. but i also want to be realistic...calling 911 first may not be your best bet - in my experience that leads to the police coming to the house and telling him politely not to do it again and leaving. you might get lucky - they might believe you and do something about it - but you might not, and then you will end up in a worse situation. having an advocate who knows the legal system and can fight for your rights can make a huge difference, and they can hook you up with resources so you can find another living situation.



Well I live in big cities where your neighbors call 911 on you for yelling at the kids......and the police will come arrest someone !
Nothing more needed.

tinydancer23
07-20-2011, 04:40 PM
Well I live in big cities where your neighbors call 911 on you for yelling at the kids......and the police will come arrest someone !
Nothing more needed.

must be nice. not all of us have that privilege.

MzStar
07-20-2011, 04:44 PM
must be nice. not all of us have that privilege.

wasn't really meant like that lol

I hate that shit .....you argue with the neighbors ...so they get mad and file false reports.....fucks up your whole life to get those fines job loss and jail time.

tinydancer23
07-20-2011, 04:48 PM
sorry, slightly misunderstood, lol. yeah, we have some of that where i'm from too...only when somebody is actually beating the shit out of you, or shooting you, the police do not care. but they'll harass you all day for playing your music too loud, smoking weed, or pissing off the neighbors.

yay, power's back on!

the shelter i found is 24 hr, can do immediate or long term care and can help w/the injunction process or filing charges and with relocation. also with navigating the process to get federal grants to help relocate. and it's within cab distance of the op's house. so god willing that will be a good resource since/if the op can't get out immediately because of lack of funds saved up or lack of immediate support from friends/family.

vivianbear
07-20-2011, 05:05 PM
Who pays $5000 for a deposit but is somehow isolated from everyone and everything? Where could this person possibly live? How did you even cover that? On a $5K deposit, you'd have to be living in a resort, paying $2500+/month or more (let's just say that's $5K, first and last). How much money do you make camming, that you can afford the entire living expenses? Do you have cam regulars? Do you do side-shows (via paypal, etc)? Why would you not just make a cam custy pay your way out of there? If camming is literally ALL you do, you must have some sort of following, by now. Four years is a long time to be online, making money.

I, too, call troll. Just sayin'.

If its not a troll and also for women who may what this info for future reference, just open a paypal account and start hiding money in there. Make custies funnel money in, every chance you get. Airlines like Delta or Southwest DO take paypal, to buy tickets online. You can also get on Craigslist and many places that are cheap to rent will accept paypal, especially if you are coming to them, long-distance. I travel using these means, often. There are many scenarios where literally walking out the door and on to an expecting plane, going to an anonymous destination are more than feasible. I've done it many times, myself.

Where there is a will, there is a way. But personally, I'm not buying this story. The details are ridiculous. Stranger things have happened, I guess.

tinydancer23
07-20-2011, 05:08 PM
also if anyone else is in a similar situation and does not know where to turn or is afraid to post about it, please do not hesitate to pm me. i have a safe google voice number and gmail account you can reach me at and i can find resources for you if you don't know where to look or go (in the u.s., canada, and the u.k.). please do not think you have to do this by yourself or that there is nowhere you can turn.

Grac
07-20-2011, 05:16 PM
Here's a website and a phone number that I found on a google for "victims of domestic violence shelters":

http://www.thehotline.org

1-800-799-7233

There were many other listings on the page. Please contact someone.

Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to break free after enduring years of emotional and physical abuse--being told time after time that "you're just not worth it" has devastating effects.

But please, do a google search for your area, if necessary; call and contact someone.

There is a better life waiting for you.

Blueyedgirl
07-20-2011, 05:22 PM
Forgive me, I just kinda scammed through the posts but one thing that Doll was worried about was finding a place to live.

All you have to do is find an apartment and say "listen, I have crappy credit, but I really need a place to stay because I have just left my abusive boyfriend"

I've done it, it works. Believe it or not, MOST people are sympathetic. Plus, I haven't ran into many people saying "Ohhh I was abused" and didn't mean it. Just putting my two cents in.

I have a toddler runnin rampid around the house but needed to check in and read how everything was progressing.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Things come together. Oh and another thing that I read while I was getting out of jail for hitting the MAN that hit me first and then called 911... still bitter over that shit but anyway.. as I was sitting in the probation office scared outta my brain, one sign caught my eye and it sticks with me...

"Relax, God is in control"

So, whoever God is to you, relax she/he's got your back.

Now, go get a place to live!

Now, go NOW.. but grab your laptop!!! :)

Lady Xplicit18
07-20-2011, 06:09 PM
If he does find it, which I doubt... he will he won't know it was money to leave. I can tell him I was saving up to surprise him with something.

And..I don't have a friends couch to crash on. I don't leave near anyone I know. All I have is far away old friends I haven't talked to in years.


Honestly I feel like you're saying that now, once you're out of the heat of THIS moment you'll slide back into your old feelings and not leave. You need to leave NOW. Don't give yourself time to rationalize you're relationship; what made you come on here in the first place?? BECAUSE YOU NEED AN EXTRA PUSH FROM WHAT YOU'RE ALREADY FEELING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! Leave all of you're things, take your wallet and beforehand sneek out your laptop and just LEAVE. I don't want you ending up DEAD.

Maina
07-20-2011, 06:25 PM
What state are you in? Do you have means to travel? I'm sure there is another cam girl on here who will take you in. I am in Chicago and looking for a roommate. Listen I have been there and done that there is only one thing to do dump him. Dump him nothing to consider just dump him.

laurielegs
07-20-2011, 07:21 PM
What state are you in? Do you have means to travel? I'm sure there is another cam girl on here who will take you in. I am in Chicago and looking for a roommate. Listen I have been there and done that there is only one thing to do dump him. Dump him nothing to consider just dump him.


That is a wonderful offer - there you go hon! Public transport available there and there's you a roommate available to help you out. All you gotta do is get to Chicago.

Hope it works out for you both, sounds like a good plan really and a way to solve two problems here.

HaydenBlue
07-20-2011, 08:18 PM
-deleted-

HaydenBlue
07-20-2011, 08:56 PM
-deleted-

4everresolutions
07-20-2011, 09:07 PM
Forgive me, I just kinda scammed through the posts but one thing that Doll was worried about was finding a place to live.

All you have to do is find an apartment and say "listen, I have crappy credit, but I really need a place to stay because I have just left my abusive boyfriend"

I've done it, it works. Believe it or not, MOST people are sympathetic. Plus, I haven't ran into many people saying "Ohhh I was abused" and didn't mean it. Just putting my two cents in.


You don't even have to do that. It's the summer. The OP Cams and is open to the idea of moving. Look up an area that has a low cost of living, and look on craigslist to find a furnished sublet. There's TONS of them this time of year. College students are heading home to stay with their parents and are renting their apartment, furnished, usually for a lot less than what they pay. Also, they almost always have internet if not cable. So you can move somewhere new, work you ass off camming while subletting for a little while, and when the sublet is up you'll have money for a place of your own. I know this probably sounds easier than it is to do - but you gotta do something. You're being held captive right now and you have to get away from this guy.

I've picked up my life and moved on a couple times. I was never leaving an abusive situation, so I was probably clearer and more stable mentally, but I promise if can be done. For about 6 months I lived in a little dive hotel for 210/week - just me and my two suitcases (although eventually I bought a mini-fridge and a microwave). It sounds depressing but it was one of the most freeing times of my life. I had a lot of fun there being on my own, with no commitments or financial pressure.

Good luck honey. Thinking about you!

DottieMay
07-20-2011, 09:20 PM
Dude, get the fuck out of there, seriously! Don't tell him you are leaving, call the police and have them escort you out. Make a plan before you leave! Slowly pack things, pretend you are donating them or throw them away but move them someplace safe. When the police come there will only be a small amount of things you need to move out. Don't let him play you with this bullshit phobia crap. It's an excuse! It's a way for him to always keep an eye on you and be a lazy shit. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Don't wait around until it is too late.

Rileiy
07-20-2011, 09:24 PM
Wow you need to GET OUT!! I remember being 18 that was around the time my stepfather started hitting my mom after 7 years together. What would happen I would intervene. You have no one to intervene for you! GET OUT! I know it's easier said than done. After a while I gave up on my mom and left.I was done with her getting mad at me when I reminded her about the abuse. My mom finally did leave but it did take a year. I hope you do in fact leave. You could sneak out when you're certain he's asleep.

sweetheather
07-20-2011, 09:32 PM
Listen to these ladies, get out. Things don't matter but your life does. This behavior will only continue to escalate and he will kill you if you don't get out.Shoot me a PM, I'd be more than willing to help you out, if you're in the southwest I can offer you a couch to crash on while you sort things out.

cherryfay
07-21-2011, 02:15 AM
I been here and most men don't change.
This is not your fault. You don't cause him to hit you. It is NEVER ok for a man to touch a woman in violence. .
Make a plan with family or something and leave quietly.. Don't make a scene or anything.
If you can't leave while he aint there quietly call the police and get them there before yo u leave... That way you can get your things without being hit.

He may have filled your head that you will never be away from him but he has no power over you. He also may tell you, that youa ren't ever going to get anyone else and if you do he will kill them and you.

People are crazy and he does what he has to to keep you there.
This will continue.
It will NOT stop.
until he kills you one day.

Im here if you eer need me.

Btw... this is Not the way love is supposed to be.

You can do better

Lady Xplicit18
07-21-2011, 02:42 AM
OP PM ME! If you need a place to stay I'm in Southern California! I'm honestly scared for your life and you need to leave PRONTO!

whirlerz
07-21-2011, 06:12 AM
I just gotta say, what a LOVELY (not just on the outside) bunch of ladies here! So many reaching out to you!

Fridays
07-21-2011, 06:40 AM
First of all I am posting this in camming connection because this is where I post most frequently and I trust you all to give me good advice. I didn't want to post this from my account so I made a new name because it's super personal and kind of embarrassing.

Most girls who post here know the rest of us are a bit untrusthy with new users who post drama stories all of a sudden...
Why didnt U post with your old account... U dont have family, friends. who cares what we would think about you.. if anything we would just want to help. Your post would have looked LEGIT and deff EVEN MORE people would jump out to help you. me included..
Lets do things right...
Report your story with YOUR OLD ACCOUNT, so we KNOW its not a troll.. and If U live near my town, I;ll try to help u out as much as I can.

vivianbear
07-21-2011, 07:49 AM
Yeah, enough people have responded, saying they would physically assist the OP. Has anyone actually spoken to this person yet? Like, got on a messenger, seen her live and spoken directly to her about her condition and circumstances? People are offering resources and places to stay to a stranger, offering connections and willing to disclose their own locations. Can anyone yet confirm that this is a legit situation?

I've yet to see a single person confirm that they've actally touched base with the OP. Seeing is believing, folks.

MzStar
07-21-2011, 07:58 AM
Yeah, enough people have responded, saying they would physically assist the OP. Has anyone actually spoken to this person yet? Like, got on a messenger, seen her live and spoken directly to her about her condition and circumstances? People are offering resources and places to stay to a stranger, offering connections and willing to disclose their own locations. Can anyone yet confirm that this is a legit situation?

I've yet to see a single person confirm that they've actally touched base with the OP. Seeing is believing, folks.

AMEN!!! .....Might be a dude with a scheme to gain addresses phone numbers ,yahoo's ,emails , Real Names ......anything and everything they can.....I surprised seasoned Camgirls would just eat this up so readily .

Personally I'm waiting for the "blowback" on this one .

tinydancer23
07-21-2011, 08:05 AM
Yeah, enough people have responded, saying they would physically assist the OP. Has anyone actually spoken to this person yet? Like, got on a messenger, seen her live and spoken directly to her about her condition and circumstances? People are offering resources and places to stay to a stranger, offering connections and willing to disclose their own locations. Can anyone yet confirm that this is a legit situation?

I've yet to see a single person confirm that they've actally touched base with the OP. Seeing is believing, folks.

i've pmed with her, gotten her (very specific) location, found a shelter within driving/cab distance and talked to the shelter on the phone, and gotten her concrete info from the shelter nearby. i haven't spoken with her live but she has a (safe, anonymous) email address & phone number to reach me. she has said she is going to try and leave on her own and if she can't she will contact the shelter (personally i'd rather she contacted the shelter right now but it's not my choice). that's the most i can do without risking my own safety and without pressuring her to possibly risk hers (if this is for real). and my own assistance isn't conditional on her proving she's "for real." i'm the one who has to sleep at night knowing i've done everything i could. (i cannot offer her a place to stay as i'm in the process of moving across the country, but i've posted my location before anyway and most folks on the boards know where i live if they know where to look.) it's not about eating it up or being naive - hell, i know as well as any of you she could be lying, i am just not willing to bet she is or make her "prove" herself in order to assist her and do everything within my power to help.

also the truth is in most crisis situations you will never know it is for real or how the situation turns out if it is for real. this is a very difficult lesson i had to learn doing immediate crisis counseling, intervention, & hotline work. the fact is, anyone could be lying to you - even if you talk to them on the phone. and there is also the fact that nine times out of ten you may never hear from the person again or know what happens to them - whether they live or die, whether things work out for them or not, whether it is real or not. that is just a fact of life when you do crisis work. the outcome isn't my problem. doing everything i can to help her now is my problem. the outcome is her and the police and the shelter if she chooses to get them involved. that is out of my hands. either i accept that and live with it or i don't and i speculate and drive myself fucking crazy. i choose to accept that.

vivianbear
07-21-2011, 08:20 AM
it's not about eating it up or being naive - hell, i know as well as any of you she could be lying, i am just not willing to bet she is or make her "prove" herself in order to assist her and do everything within my power to help.

You keep puting the word 'prove' in quotes, like it has some kind of alternate meaning. What's wrong with making her speak to you live to confirm she's even a woman? Look at all the foot work you're doing for this person! Do you have her number or does she have yours? Having yours does nothing but allow a stranger to contact you. Having hers at least means you can call and confirm that there is a voice on the other end! You're only making yourself feel better, here.

People, you can help other people and still expect confirmation of their identities. I'm seeing way too many fakes, in this industry to just jump on this bandwagon. I've posted of this before and once again, here's another example of everyone vying to align themselves with someone no one has ever seen or even spoken to, to even confirm a voice much less, a gender. This forum is not secure. This forum does not verify its membership. Please insist on visual and voice verification when corresponding with members, for your own security.

MzStar
07-21-2011, 08:37 AM
TinyDancer your right .......I'm just saying even if she is real.....the next one might not. Or the other way around .....I just don't want the ladies falling into a trap. That's all. all it would take is one time the poster end up being the " Craigslist Killer ".....always take precautions ....No matter what the story.

Better to be Safe than Sorry.

tinydancer23
07-21-2011, 08:42 AM
You keep puting the word 'prove' in quotes, like it has some kind of alternate meaning. What's wrong with making her speak to you live to confirm she's even a woman? Look at all the foot work you're doing for this person! Do you have her number or does she have yours? Having yours does nothing but allow a stranger to contact you. Having hers at least means you can call and confirm that there is a voice on the other end! You're only making yourself feel better, here.

People, you can help other people and still expect confirmation of their identities. I'm seeing way too many fakes, in this industry to just jump on this bandwagon. I've posted of this before and once again, here's another example of everyone vying to align themselves with someone no one has ever seen or even spoken to, to even confirm a voice much less, a gender. This forum is not secure. This forum does not verify its membership. Please insist on visual and voice verification when corresponding with members, for your own security.

the fact is that is not how immediate crisis intervention works - even offline. usually it is anonymous. usually you cannot verify someone's identity and they have your phone number and you don't have theirs - they call you and you don't call them back, you set up a time for them to call you again and pray they do so you at least know they are still okay. even if you call the police for them - which i have done before - the police go to their house after you get off the phone and you probably never hear from them - or the police - again, so still you get no "proof," no "verification," no knowledge of the outcome. this being a message board doesn't change that - that's how it is in real life, too. hearing her voice would prove she was a woman, not whether or not she was a scammer. that's not the issue at hand here. the issue at hand here (for me, anyway) is to help as much as i can and give her whatever tools i can to help herself, which i have done, without compromising my own safety, which i have not. it's not my job to judge the legitimacy of her situation, especially when demanding "proof" of her identity via a phone conversation (which still doesn't prove shit about her identity, hence the quotation marks) could put her in danger if the only phone access she has he is controlling (which is what it seems like from what she has said).

MzStar
07-21-2011, 08:51 AM
the fact is that is not how immediate crisis intervention works - even offline. usually it is anonymous. usually you cannot verify someone's identity and they have your phone number and you don't have theirs - they call you and you don't call them back, you set up a time for them to call you again and pray they do so you at least know they are still okay. this being a message board doesn't change that - that's how it is in real life, too. hearing her voice would prove she was a woman, not a scammer. that's not the issue at hand here. the issue at hand here (for me, anyway) is to help as much as i can and give her whatever tools i can to help herself, which i have done, without compromising my own safety, which i have not. it's not my job to judge the legitimacy of her situation, especially when demanding "proof" of her identity via a phone conversation (which still doesn't prove shit about her identity, hence the quotation marks) could put her in danger if the only phone access she has he is controlling (which is what it seems like from what she has said).

BTW .....have you read the posts about letting her come stay with them?
or the one where she gives out her yahoo?

Noa
07-21-2011, 08:54 AM
Everything that needs to be said has been said, but I just want to add to it in case people in similar situations find this thread in the future.

The best thing you can do disappear. Just straight up disappear. No back-pedaling, no "but my situation is different" thinking, no "let's talk this out after you've calmed down" discussions. Just get the fuck out with no warning. And get How to Be Invisible by J.J. Luna. Follow just a fraction of that advice and you'll be impossible to find.

Also: find a pro-bono attorney - most cities have free legal resources for abuse victims. They know how risky restraining orders are (they're really fucking risky) and can usually give you guidance in terms of creating a paper trail with the law in case he ever finds you.

tinydancer23
07-21-2011, 08:56 AM
BTW .....have you read the posts about letting her come stay with them?
or the one where she gives out her yahoo?

i've read every post on this thread multiple times. they are the ones who chose to do that - i would seriously seriously hope if she actually took them up on that, they would meet her in a public place first without just inviting her over to their house and they would verify her identity. i hope all of y'all have some goddamn common sense. what i am saying is that the people here just saying she needs to post from her old account to make them feel better or jump through some kind of hoops to prove she is not a scammer makes it about - making them feel better, not helping her. i'm not saying people should just open up their houses and compromise their safety without meeting her in public and knowing who she is first. that's why i said i gave her an anonymous phone number and email (my camming email which is disconnected from my real identity) with which to contact me - and not my home phone number. you know? but all this shit about "proving" who she is and jumping through these hoops which in reality do nothing to prove her identity, and folks accusing her of being a scammer or saying she should have posted under her old name or whatever - to me that is just completely immaterial to the situation.

y'all give out your yahoo ids to pervs on the internet all the damn time. we're camgirls, lol! if you don't know how to make an anonymous yahoo id by now or know not to give the yahoo id that's connected to your real life facebook account by now we have WAY fucking bigger problems.

tropicalust
07-21-2011, 08:58 AM
I dont know but this doesnt sound real anymore. She shared her story but she doesn't wanna do anything about it. Or maybe is somebody that wants to get our address or something like that. I don't trust this thread anymore, therefore Im out!

tootyfruity438
07-21-2011, 09:02 AM
I agree with Sam38g! Honestly stuff is just stuff you can get it all again. In the morning 'after work' him your going out to get something for dinner, ask him what he wants, steak, potatoes whatever. Get your key's your credit card and leave. First thing (based on experience) go to the bank and get all your money out, close the account. Second, go to your parents or friends house and make some calls. Tell your true friends that your leaving for a while. Decide where you want to go and get you a small one bedroom apt. The rent will be cheap and you can start working again under an alias and get all the stuff back you had. Believe me, I was a child when my mother was going through the same situation and now as an adult I think to myself 'WTF was my mother thinking staying with this man'. You only live once don't live like this, there is a plan for you. Doing this will strengthen you individuality as well as your character. I believe you can and will succeed with this move. You have to!

Best of luck, Muah!

MzStar
07-21-2011, 09:05 AM
TinyDancer .....if i was her and this is real ......I wouldn't Post from my real account either.....Anyone could read this and have ammo for later.....not just the people that registered but anyone that happened to read this in the future.