View Full Version : Dazed and confused...
Aurora_Sunset
09-08-2011, 04:13 PM
I'm sorry to hear that. At least you were realistic going into it, so don't dwell on it too long. Shake it off.
yoda57us
09-08-2011, 04:26 PM
Well I hope you all are pleased. She blew me off. No responses no nothing. I guess you were right and it was all just a game. It was a risk and at least now I know.
I appreciate all of your warnings, support, and guidance.
I am a very embarrassed and deeply saddened by this turn of events but what can one do?
It is a feeling I will get over it. Though I don't think I will be visiting any strip clubs for a while.
Again thank you all.
Oh and for you flamers out there I will not be stalking her or anything so no worries.
Take care all.
:(
Dude, no one here flamed you. We have all been around the strip cub block a few times and we were all being honest with you.
I'm sorry that you got blown off. I've been blown off and it sucks but strip clubs are not to blame. You might go down this road with a hundred dancers and one of them may keep it real and a great friendship could develop. Then again you may get hosed every time. You just never know. Whadya gonna do? Dem strippers is beautiful...
What happened to you is part of a learning experience.
When I get blown off I drop the guilty party and move on. Strippers are like really attractive busses but without the diesel smell and air brakes...there is another one coming along in a few minutes!
Jewel21
09-08-2011, 04:57 PM
Sorry to hear that! At least she didn't take any more of your money think of it that way. I think you could still go to strip clubs but just don't take it too seriously. Just go to have fun and know that 99.99999% of the "connection" you feel with any dancer is just a fantasy. It may be a hard idea to get used to at first but will save you lots of heart ache in the long run!
KS_Stevia
09-08-2011, 06:45 PM
Aw man, I'm sorry. That sucks no matter how you look at it. I've been stood up and blown off before, it really hurts. But a little heartbreak tonight is but a sliver in the core that could be shredded given more time.
Lust and love and crushes...not something to be trusted but the thing us passionate loving types cannot avoid. :(
kellyallstar
09-08-2011, 06:54 PM
well at least you wont ever be wondering what if.
Kellydancer
09-08-2011, 11:03 PM
Kaaraak I am so sorry. I'm not surprised this happened though. At least you didn't fall, which would have made it worse.
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 04:45 AM
Kaaraak I am so sorry. I'm not surprised this happened though. At least you didn't fall, which would have made it worse.
As sad as it sounds, in a way I did, I bought into it hook, line, and sinker. Then when the curtain lifts and there is nothing there it is pretty painful. I was extremely naive and gave too much credit to an unknown quantity.
After a night of reflection I realize that I am not yet strong enough to deal with someone who can so casually manipulate and than crush a guy without a second thought.
I also realize in a place of beautiful women whose job is to make you feel special it is stupid to think there is any real possibility of them looking at you as anything other than what you are... an ATM. I is a business that is based on chicanery and falsehoods.
I know not all dancers are that cruel. This is just my experience this time. This one made a definitive impact on me. and I guess I feel a tad bitter.
I will recover, just not yet.
yoda57us
09-09-2011, 05:29 AM
^ I can't really argue with your assessment other than to say that, in mt experience, the OTC dating ploy is not as common as it would appear to people that read this site...
That being said, I'm sorry it happened to you but, honestly, you set yourself up for it. Strip clubs are a fun place to hang. Keep things in perspective and understand that ending up on a date with a dancer is an exception, not the rule.
By the way, as a preemptive warning, at some point if you see this dancer again she is going to have some sort of cockamamie excuse for why she blew you off. Whatever it is, don't fall for it. Even if she had some sort of calamity that night there is no excuse for her not to have called you.
Almost Jaded
09-09-2011, 06:01 AM
Bummer, man. FWIW - my newest FWB was discovered in the club, blew me off TWICE - and then followed up and things went well. I've since learned that she's a bit of a flake but a really fun and sweet girl, too. So don't be too crushed - she might be a player. But don't get TOO down just yet - she might call back, too, lol.
silk55
09-09-2011, 06:31 AM
Kaaraak: sorry to hear that.
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 06:33 AM
Bummer, man. FWIW - my newest FWB was discovered in the club, blew me off TWICE - and then followed up and things went well. I've since learned that she's a bit of a flake but a really fun and sweet girl, too. So don't be too crushed - she might be a player. But don't get TOO down just yet - she might call back, too, lol.
That kindness is greatly appreciated. Thanks I needed to hear that. Having this happen makes you doubt your instincts and as a result your trusts gets shaken to the core.
Knowing that I am not alone in this is very comforting.
Thanks A.J.
ChrisDay
09-09-2011, 06:36 AM
As sad as it sounds, in a way I did, I bought into it hook, line, and sinker. Then when the curtain lifts and there is nothing there it is pretty painful. I was extremely naive and gave too much credit to an unknown quantity.
After a night of reflection I realize that I am not yet strong enough to deal with someone who can so casually manipulate and than crush a guy without a second thought.
I also realize in a place of beautiful women whose job is to make you feel special it is stupid to think there is any real possibility of them looking at you as anything other than what you are... an ATM. I is a business that is based on chicanery and falsehoods.
I know not all dancers are that cruel. This is just my experience this time. This one made a definitive impact on me. and I guess I feel a tad bitter.
I will recover, just not yet.
Did you ever think you came on too strong to her? Or that the romance only existed in your mind?
Now, I don't know you so I'm only going by what you write on here, but it sounds like you decided you were deeply in love with her. If she was interested in meeting OTC (not saying she was or wasn't) it may have been for a good time. You spent 600 bucks (400 for her 200 for the club), in her mind the meeting was to make sure you ddin't have to spend club fees and it all went to her. When she realized that's not what you had in mind she bailed.
Like I said, I don't know you or her that's just my observation.
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 07:25 AM
Did you ever think you came on too strong to her? Or that the romance only existed in your mind?
Now, I don't know you so I'm only going by what you write on here, but it sounds like you decided you were deeply in love with her. If she was interested in meeting OTC (not saying she was or wasn't) it may have been for a good time. You spent 600 bucks (400 for her 200 for the club), in her mind the meeting was to make sure you ddin't have to spend club fees and it all went to her. When she realized that's not what you had in mind she bailed.
Like I said, I don't know you or her that's just my observation.
I wouldn't say deeply in love with her. I just thought we had a real connection. I just fell victim to my own eternal optimism in giving people the benefit of the doubt. One would think that I would have learned by now...
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 07:34 AM
Bummer, man. FWIW - my newest FWB was discovered in the club, blew me off TWICE - and then followed up and things went well.
A.J.,
If you don't mind sharing what is your story with her. It sounds inspiring and I would appreciate hearing it. :)
Thanks
bem401
09-09-2011, 07:59 AM
I wouldn't say deeply in love with her. I just thought we had a real connection. I just fell victim to my own eternal optimism in giving people the benefit of the doubt. One would think that I would have learned by now...
A customer giving the dancer or a dancer giving the customer "the benefit of the doubt" as you say in the first couple weeks of interaction will more often than not end up where this apparently has. Successful friendships are possible but this seemed to a lot of us to be happening way faster than our experience tells us its possible.
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 08:15 AM
A customer giving the dancer or a dancer giving the customer "the benefit of the doubt" as you say in the first couple weeks of interaction will more often than not end up where this apparently has. Successful friendships are possible but this seemed to a lot of us to be happening way faster than our experience tells us its possible.
I do not disagree with you except had the initial promise of additional interaction not been levied the situation would never have escalated. I did not approach her. My expectations were directly influenced by her lead. I thought it was particularly fast as well but I refuse to believe that there was absolutely nothing. What I felt initially was real and I was willing to walk away. She stopped me. She pulled me back. I don't regret what I got to know of her, only that that is all I will know of her. I only wanted to here from her. If she didn't want to see me, I 'm ok with that. I have been shot down before. I am not angry or devastated. Just hurt and disappointed. A cancellation text or call would have been fine and far less painful. Even a 'I'm just not that into you' text would have been sufficient.
Eventually, I will see her again and maybe she will have matured a bit and be willing to look at things from a different light.
I know that there are many disingenuous people that levy dishonest intentions with uncanny skill that leaves nothing but injury in its wake. Yet I still give people the benefit of the doubt in order to fend off the bitter cynicism that is the result of losing hope in people's humanity.
:-\
bem401
09-09-2011, 09:22 AM
I do not disagree with you except had the initial promise of additional interaction not been levied the situation would never have escalated. I did not approach her. My expectations were directly influenced by her lead. I thought it was particularly fast as well but I refuse to believe that there was absolutely nothing. What I felt initially was real and I was willing to walk away. She stopped me. She pulled me back. I don't regret what I got to know of her, only that that is all I will know of her. I only wanted to here from her. If she didn't want to see me, I 'm ok with that. I have been shot down before. I am not angry or devastated. Just hurt and disappointed. A cancellation text or call would have been fine and far less painful. Even a 'I'm just not that into you' text would have been sufficient.
Eventually, I will see her again and maybe she will have matured a bit and be willing to look at things from a different light.
I know that there are many disingenuous people that levy dishonest intentions with uncanny skill that leaves nothing but injury in its wake. Yet I still give people the benefit of the doubt in order to fend off the bitter cynicism that is the result of losing hope in people's humanity.
:-\
Read my first siggy. While it applies everywhere, nowhere is it more prevalent than in a strip club. You can run into disingenuous people everywhere, but those with a financial interest in being disingenuous need to be approached with both eyes open.
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 11:53 AM
Read my first siggy. While it applies everywhere, nowhere is it more prevalent than in a strip club. You can run into disingenuous people everywhere, but those with a financial interest in being disingenuous need to be approached with both eyes open.
Well, hindsight is always 20/20. Honestly, I would rather know than wonder. Wondering is painful and hints at loss, but knowing is tangible and leads to closure and knowledge.
To be truthful she is the first girl I have dealt with since I was a teenager to get me outside of my comfort zone and feel exposed. It was foolish and I let my guard down too easily.
Fool me once... :-[
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 12:05 PM
I design complex fully automated global computer networks, that have to work with many heterogeneous environments, yet I can't figure out something so simple as a motive. (Even when it is spelled out for me, DOH!)
The worst thing about this whole scenario is there is a masochistic part of me that wants her to contact me and give me the cockamamie story and what not. Even though I know the outcome won't be in my favor...
I think I may have finally crossed the line into stupid... :-[
What was in that shot??
Lol
(but not really)
yoda57us
09-09-2011, 02:19 PM
I design complex fully automated global computer networks, that have to work with many heterogeneous environments, yet I can't figure out something so simple as a motive. (Even when it is spelled out for me, DOH!)
Maybe that's because the motivation is not complex at all. MONEY. As for why she decided to tease you with OTC I can't say because I wasn't there but I'm guessing some things that you said or did led her to think that the ploy would work on you.
The worst thing about this whole scenario is there is a masochistic part of me that wants her to contact me and give me the cockamamie story and what not. Even though I know the outcome won't be in my favor...
Yeah, that's because you are still hoping against hope that she has a good excuse and wants to make it up to you. Your next big decision here is to decide how many times you are going to let her hose you...
KeithDoxen
09-09-2011, 03:42 PM
What I can't figure out is why the stripper didn't at least make up the nonsense story in order to keep her hustle going. I would have expected her to text the OP with something like,
"Oh hun, I just found out I have to work tonight because one of the other girls cancelled and the boss said that if I don't cover for her I shouldn't bother coming back. Sad face. I feel so bad about not being able to meet you for dinner. Why don't you come meet me at the club instead. I'll give you a special dance. Wink."
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 03:46 PM
Maybe that's because the motivation is not complex at all. MONEY. As for why she decided to tease you with OTC I can't say because I wasn't there but I'm guessing some things that you said or did led her to think that the ploy would work on you.
Very interesting insight.... I'm gonna have to dwell on that one.
Yeah, that's because you are still hoping against hope that she has a good excuse and wants to make it up to you. Your next big decision here is to decide how many times you are going to let her hose you...
LOL. That my friend, is the right question! :rotfl:
Will I continue the insanity? :banghead:
I guess you'll have to stay tuned! :yikes:
Kaaraak
09-09-2011, 03:58 PM
What I can't figure out is why the stripper didn't at least make up the nonsense story in order to keep her hustle going. I would have expected her to text the OP with something like,
"Oh hun, I just found out I have to work tonight because one of the other girls cancelled and the boss said that if I don't cover for her I shouldn't bother coming back. Sad face. I feel so bad about not being able to meet you for dinner. Why don't you come meet me at the club instead. I'll give you a special dance. Wink."
That is an excellent question! Hmm? Anyone with thoughts on this?
Aurora_Sunset
09-09-2011, 04:31 PM
Perhaps, (and this is purely speculation on my part), she figured her hustle on you was done. Didn't you say that the last time you went in that you didn't buy dances or spend any money on her? Just got drinks? Once that happened, she could have decided that you were the kind of customer that spends a little money to get OTC, and then refuses to spend more until that demand is actually met. It's no use to try to string along a guy who stops spending on you until you meet OTC if you have no intention of ever actually meeting him.
bem401
09-09-2011, 04:49 PM
^^^ well, that, and its just overly optimistic thinking you can develop an OTC (read RL) relationship with a dancer with only a couple of visits to her in the club under your belt and money still a very fresh memory. Anything of this sort takes time for a number of reasons. As far as I can remember, all the RL friendships that developed between my dancer friends and me took probably a year of at least being aware of each other and us being in the club simultaneously at least a couple times a week and money was no longer or never part of the picture. Asking a dancer to forego money and spend time with you OTC is a lot harder than getting one to do it when money isn't an issue.
yoda57us
09-09-2011, 06:06 PM
Very interesting insight.... I'm gonna have to dwell on that one.
Dwell on, and be brutally honest with yourself. I know it sounded like I was busting your chops earlier in this thread but I was reacting to what I detected in your written words. You see yourself as kind and generous but a dancer with even a mildly predatory approach will perceive that kindness as, at best, naivete or, at worse, loneliness and desperation. Either way you are a sitting duck in her eyes.
Predatory types are always looking for an in. When I was a married SC customer I almost never got the "OTC tease" and absolutely never from my regulars. A few years ago when I separated from my ex the landscape changed and I must admit I was hosed by two of my "second tier" favs. Neither had ever floated the idea of OTC with me when I was married but it suddenly became an option when I became unattached. In both cases I was stood up-three times by the first girl and once by the second ( I had wised-up by then). In both cases dancers who had been getting a couple of hundred bucks from me once every month or so wound up getting nothing after I got tired of the BS.
At the risk of repeating myself. Most dancers don't do this sort of thing. The dangling of OTC is a particular type of play that some girls use but, in my experience at least, most girls don't. Honesty (well, maybe not total honesty) works just fine for most beautiful, smart women with patience and long-term earning goals.
Aurora_Sunset
09-09-2011, 07:17 PM
^^^ well, that, and its just overly optimistic thinking you can develop an OTC (read RL) relationship with a dancer with only a couple of visits to her in the club under your belt and money still a very fresh memory. Anything of this sort takes time for a number of reasons. As far as I can remember, all the RL friendships that developed between my dancer friends and me took probably a year of at least being aware of each other and us being in the club simultaneously at least a couple times a week and money was no longer or never part of the picture. Asking a dancer to forego money and spend time with you OTC is a lot harder than getting one to do it when money isn't an issue.
This is true. My response was more my thinking on why the girl didn't try to continue the hustle, not why she had stood him up in the first place.
bem401
09-09-2011, 07:29 PM
This is true. My response was more my thinking on why the girl didn't try to continue the hustle, not why she had stood him up in the first place.
Wasn't disagreeing with you, just wanted to expand on it.
Almost Jaded
09-10-2011, 06:31 PM
Meh - my stories are never worth it. They tend to lend a false sense of hope to some, and become tender for flames to others, lol.
My results are not typical, and there really isn't a whole lot of explanation for them. Throw in our rather unusual relationship structure, and... Well - pretty much every time I post anything about my relationship and/or exploits, that thread turns into an epic train wreck.
:rolleyes:
Kaaraak
09-11-2011, 05:22 PM
Meh - my stories are never worth it. They tend to lend a false sense of hope to some, and become tender for flames to others, lol.
My results are not typical, and there really isn't a whole lot of explanation for them. Throw in our rather unusual relationship structure, and... Well - pretty much every time I post anything about my relationship and/or exploits, that thread turns into an epic train wreck.
:rolleyes:
I hear you... Perhaps you should end your posts with the disclaimer: Results not typical! LOL :rotfl:
Seriously though, I lost any sense of hope for a better end to this scenario.
Kaaraak
09-11-2011, 05:25 PM
This is true. My response was more my thinking on why the girl didn't try to continue the hustle, not why she had stood him up in the first place.
I don't have any explanation for the ultimate result... Perhaps it was just the inevitable culmination of the hustle. Perhaps my rejection of her advances insulted her. Perhaps I was overly exuberant in our communications. I don't know, and I most probably will never know.
I will miss our interactions, but c'est la vie, c'est la guerre. :beat:
Kaaraak
09-11-2011, 05:47 PM
Kaaraak-
I was hoping I'd be proved wrong on this one....I am truly sorry that you had to experience this during a particularly vulnerable time in your life.
Remember - "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
I hoped so too. I went to the club looking for catharsis and quite unexpectedly found a connection.
Despite the impressions that some may have about her, she is truly a remarkable woman and knowing her has had a profound effect on me. That is atypical of almost all interactions I have had with people throughout my life. Point of fact I had this kind of response only once before, and when I lost it I eventually gave up on ever experiencing it again. So this connection resonated at a visceral level with me (ironically, that is what made the rejection so much worse.)
I hope that I might be able to be her friend in the future If nothing else, because she is truly a remarkable, and fascinating person. I hope that she might be willing to allow that evolution to occur. :pray:
Realistically, it may not be possible, but it is nice to think that it might be. :-\
rickdugan
09-12-2011, 06:46 AM
Despite the impressions that some may have about her, she is truly a remarkable woman and knowing her has had a profound effect on me. That is atypical of almost all interactions I have had with people throughout my life. Point of fact I had this kind of response only once before, and when I lost it I eventually gave up on ever experiencing it again. So this connection resonated at a visceral level with me (ironically, that is what made the rejection so much worse.)
I hope that I might be able to be her friend in the future If nothing else, because she is truly a remarkable, and fascinating person. I hope that she might be willing to allow that evolution to occur. :pray:
Realistically, it may not be possible, but it is nice to think that it might be. :-\
The ones who take the most cash from you always are. ;)
This is what I meant by the term tuition. She does not want to be your friend. She does not want to see you outside the club, at least for free. And the only evolution likely to occur here is your own maturation as you come to understand that it is her job to seduce you. Heck, after one fail a fair number of guys go back into the club to try to revive it, during which they spend more money, swallow some lie about why a bailout occured, and jump back on to the merry-go-round. It often takes multiple bailouts before some guys finally realize that it is not going to happen.
IMHO you should just accept it for what it is, but you may need to learn the lessone for yourself.
Just my :twocents:
Aurora_Sunset
09-12-2011, 08:31 AM
^^ This exactly. Don't get too carried away with the fantasies. Remember - it's her job to be an astounding, amazing woman who can make an impact on people. She probably wouldn't be lasting as a dancer if she couldn't have that effect on people. I'm not saying that she isn't truly a remarkable, deep, fantastic person even OTC - just saying that she probably knows this about herself and just uses it to her advantage in the club.
Maybe you'll build her up as a "friend" inside the club, but I wouldn't expect anything more. It's probably been said on here before, and I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but dancers usually have enough friends/no need for more at the moment. I could never possibly juggle the number of customers who wanted to "be friends" with me. Were some of them genuinely nice guys who would've made good friends? :shrug: I honestly don't know. Maybe some were and some weren't. I'll never know because I was never interested in just being friends with a customer except in the sense that we were "friendly" enough for them to come spend money on me at the club...
I would really advise you not to go back to the club until you have completely come to terms with the idea that she sees you as nothing more than a wallet, and her "remarkable-ness" could turn very nasty if you keep trying to push for more, keep getting rejected, and eventually start getting exasperated with her. Remember, strippers rely on their ability to make men hopelessly attached to them, forking over money while they fantasize that they're actually getting anywhere but deeper in debt. If I were you, I'd give the club a break and focus on meeting women out in the world who (might) have different motives than charming the pants (with your wallet in them) off you.
Kaaraak
09-12-2011, 10:20 AM
^^ This exactly. Don't get too carried away with the fantasies. Remember - it's her job to be an astounding, amazing woman who can make an impact on people. She probably wouldn't be lasting as a dancer if she couldn't have that effect on people. I'm not saying that she isn't truly a remarkable, deep, fantastic person even OTC - just saying that she probably knows this about herself and just uses it to her advantage in the club.
Maybe you'll build her up as a "friend" inside the club, but I wouldn't expect anything more. It's probably been said on here before, and I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but dancers usually have enough friends/no need for more at the moment. I could never possibly juggle the number of customers who wanted to "be friends" with me. Were some of them genuinely nice guys who would've made good friends? :shrug: I honestly don't know. Maybe some were and some weren't. I'll never know because I was never interested in just being friends with a customer except in the sense that we were "friendly" enough for them to come spend money on me at the club...
I would really advise you not to go back to the club until you have completely come to terms with the idea that she sees you as nothing more than a wallet, and her "remarkable-ness" could turn very nasty if you keep trying to push for more, keep getting rejected, and eventually start getting exasperated with her. Remember, strippers rely on their ability to make men hopelessly attached to them, forking over money while they fantasize that they're actually getting anywhere but deeper in debt. If I were you, I'd give the club a break and focus on meeting women out in the world who (might) have different motives than charming the pants (with your wallet in them) off you.
I suspect you are right. As I originally posted I did not go expecting anything other than the fantasy. I guess I was utterly unprepared for how far some dancers will take it, I just wanted a good time. It is hard to wrap your head around the fact that someone can be that good at manipulating your emotions and that they actually intended to do so.
I think that is the worst part because in the future if I feel a connection with someone I will always question the validity and the motivation behind someone making me feel that way. Out of the thousand guys that hit on you guys a day, what kind of idiot thinks that you could possibly have any interest in him individually?
This guy apparently....
I went to the club on Friday and she was not interested in even being cordial to me. She was more interested in richer pastures. All I can say is ouch. I feel like an ass for allowing myself to become so invested in a fantasy. I don't usually buy what dancers are selling. I tip well and enjoy the occassional lap dance, but this one threw me for a loop and in the end I look like a fool.
I won't be returning to the club after this. At least not until I can reconcile how easily I was manipulated into buying into a complete fabrication. I was completely defenseless against this kind of attack, and that scares me because it strikes at one of my core motivators. One doesn't like to think of onself as fragile but an experience like this kind of highlights the fact that you are never as strong as you may think.
uncontrol
09-12-2011, 02:35 PM
I suspect you are right. As I originally posted I did not go expecting anything other than the fantasy. I guess I was utterly unprepared for how far some dancers will take it, I just wanted a good time. It is hard to wrap your head around the fact that someone can be that good at manipulating your emotions and that they actually intended to do so.
I think that is the worst part because in the future if I feel a connection with someone I will always question the validity and the motivation behind someone making me feel that way. Out of the thousand guys that hit on you guys a day, what kind of idiot thinks that you could possibly have any interest in him individually?
This guy apparently....
I went to the club on Friday and she was not interested in even being cordial to me. She was more interested in richer pastures. All I can say is ouch. I feel like an ass for allowing myself to become so invested in a fantasy. I don't usually buy what dancers are selling. I tip well and enjoy the occassional lap dance, but this one threw me for a loop and in the end I look like a fool.
I won't be returning to the club after this. At least not until I can reconcile how easily I was manipulated into buying into a complete fabrication. I was completely defenseless against this kind of attack, and that scares me because it strikes at one of my core motivators. One doesn't like to think of onself as fragile but an experience like this kind of highlights the fact that you are never as strong as you may think.
I'm truly sorry about what happened. But what you experience is the norm rather than the exception. You shouldn't feel bad. If you had met this woman at a regular bar and had the same conversation it would be totally different. Meeting dancers in the club is completely different. It's a fantasy. That doesn't mean that "real" feelings and relationships aren't possible. It's just harder.
transcendentalii
09-12-2011, 02:57 PM
This may be accidentally giving you false hope.. but one of my best relationships ever was with a customer. He came in and dropped a bunch of money on me the first night, which was lovely.. then, the next week he remembered it was my birthday and brought me a giftcard for pole-trick lessons (he'd remembered me discussing how impressive I found some of the pole-work a local studio did), and when I lost track of time he insisted on paying me anyway. We met at a neutral restaurant and took me on my first real date since highschool. However, after we'd been dating a while he began bringing me jewelry and spending money on me to the extent that it made me uncomfortable, since I wasn't actually looking for a sugardaddy... he eventually cheated on me with another redhead stripper from my club. So, it does happen. Just don't get too attached too quickly.
Kaaraak
09-12-2011, 05:46 PM
This may be accidentally giving you false hope.. but one of my best relationships ever was with a customer. He came in and dropped a bunch of money on me the first night, which was lovely.. then, the next week he remembered it was my birthday and brought me a giftcard for pole-trick lessons (he'd remembered me discussing how impressive I found some of the pole-work a local studio did), and when I lost track of time he insisted on paying me anyway. We met at a neutral restaurant and took me on my first real date since highschool. However, after we'd been dating a while he began bringing me jewelry and spending money on me to the extent that it made me uncomfortable, since I wasn't actually looking for a sugardaddy... he eventually cheated on me with another redhead stripper from my club. So, it does happen. Just don't get too attached too quickly.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that your guy turned out to be a jerk. I am not that kind of guy. I didn't want to buy her affection, I wanted to earn it. Alas I don't think that is possible now, but it helps to think it might be. :)
KS_Stevia
09-13-2011, 04:21 PM
I don't have any explanation for the ultimate result... Perhaps it was just the inevitable culmination of the hustle. Perhaps my rejection of her advances insulted her. Perhaps I was overly exuberant in our communications. I don't know, and I most probably will never know.
I will miss our interactions, but c'est la vie, c'est la guerre. :beat:
You do know. We ALL know. There is no mystery here. She wanted your money, be it in the club or out. She was never interested in you but was able to feed on what you desired to make $600 off of you. That's not bad spoils for one cust in a week. She was NOT insulted by your rejection of her advances because you wanted her to hit on you so you could "reject" her. It was all lies! The bullshit she fed you was fed to a dozen other guys that same night, and 100 others that week. You weren't overly exhuberant, she deals with your type all the time too. You are not, and have never been a unique flower to this dancer. The approach is almost sociopathic in its nature, and that's part of the job.
OTOH..I've had many custies who really just wanted the courtship "fantasy." During dances, we would discuss our favorite things, where we would go on a date, the things we would do. Then at the end of our time together, usually they paid me and thanked me. Sometimes a business card was given. If a date was asked for, and I could see that custy has seriously fallen in love, well, each situation is different.
But standing you up? How is this girl great? She's a total bitch. THAT is her true colors. She should have had the courtesy to cancel and have given you a definitive response stating she wasn't interested. She obviously knew this before the date.
Moral of the story: don't fall in love with the strippers, they are all smoke and mirrors.
Kaaraak
09-13-2011, 05:28 PM
You do know. We ALL know. There is no mystery here. She wanted your money, be it in the club or out. She was never interested in you but was able to feed on what you desired to make $600 off of you. That's not bad spoils for one cust in a week. She was NOT insulted by your rejection of her advances because you wanted her to hit on you so you could "reject" her. It was all lies! The bullshit she fed you was fed to a dozen other guys that same night, and 100 others that week. You weren't overly exhuberant, she deals with your type all the time too. You are not, and have never been a unique flower to this dancer. The approach is almost sociopathic in its nature, and that's part of the job.
OTOH..I've had many custies who really just wanted the courtship "fantasy." During dances, we would discuss our favorite things, where we would go on a date, the things we would do. Then at the end of our time together, usually they paid me and thanked me. Sometimes a business card was given. If a date was asked for, and I could see that custy has seriously fallen in love, well, each situation is different.
But standing you up? How is this girl great? She's a total bitch. THAT is her true colors. She should have had the courtesy to cancel and have given you a definitive response stating she wasn't interested. She obviously knew this before the date.
Moral of the story: don't fall in love with the strippers, they are all smoke and mirrors.
Ouch.... Brutal.
What I don't understand is she could have continued the hustle. I was clearly manipulable, I would have probably kept paying just to be near her. Why would she stop. I gave her money just for spending time with me to make up some of the tips she missed. She could still be milking me. Why would she stop?
Maybe I am particularly dense in this area but it just defies all logic. If it was just financially driven, the cow was giving milk, why kill the cow?
I have not been back to the club because I couldn't bear it if she ignored me again. So the jig is up. However, there again is the question, why throw the baby out with the bathwater? She could have made at least a couple hundred more off of my by demanding a dance, I would have caved, but she didn't.
Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but isn't that weird to anyone else?
:banghead:
StripClubRegular
09-13-2011, 05:43 PM
Have you ever thought that she might be on SW, too? She might have gotten mad at you after reading this post.
Kaaraak
09-13-2011, 05:55 PM
Have you ever thought that she might be on SW, too? She might have gotten mad at you after reading this post.
Good point. But I don't think she would know it was me and I have not denigrated her at all. In fact, despite my hurt and embarrassment I have defended her. I hope she sees that if she sees these posts!
mediocrity
09-13-2011, 06:15 PM
Why would she throw the baby out with the bathwater? Easy- the baby was too needy. That's the truth of the situation. This is an age old hustle.
Dirty Ernie
09-13-2011, 06:36 PM
Why would she throw the baby out with the bathwater? Easy- the baby was too needy. That's the truth of the situation. This is an age old hustle.
Also known as the point of diminishing returns. At some point most regulars become more work than the value of the money they are spending. Sometimes it takes years, sometimes, apparently, it takes only one night.
Kaaraak
09-13-2011, 06:40 PM
Why would she throw the baby out with the bathwater? Easy- the baby was too needy. That's the truth of the situation. This is an age old hustle.
I didn't mean to be, and not entirely sure how I could have been. I still find it odd. Oh well, I guess you're never too old to learn something stupid.
safado
09-13-2011, 07:16 PM
Ouch.... Brutal.
What I don't understand is she could have continued the hustle. I was clearly manipulable, I would have probably kept paying just to be near her. Why would she stop. I gave her money just for spending time with me to make up some of the tips she missed. She could still be milking me. Why would she stop?
Maybe I am particularly dense in this area but it just defies all logic. If it was just financially driven, the cow was giving milk, why kill the cow?
I have not been back to the club because I couldn't bear it if she ignored me again. So the jig is up. However, there again is the question, why throw the baby out with the bathwater? She could have made at least a couple hundred more off of my by demanding a dance, I would have caved, but she didn't.
Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but isn't that weird to anyone else?
:banghead:
Does the back of your shirt have the word "welcome" in large letters?
that.guy.in.la
09-13-2011, 10:30 PM
its just overly optimistic thinking you can develop an OTC (read RL) relationship with a dancer with only a couple of visits to her in the club under your belt and money still a very fresh memory.
Bem401 - I partially understand what you're saying, however I can tell you that in my two experiences dating a dancer I met at a club, they let me know within hours of meeting. Also, early on it was clear that this meant no money and no me coming to the club when they working. One I dated for 6 months, the other one I dated for a year!
Kaaraak - hang in there buddy! While SC's can be a nice ego stroke, it is not a place to go when you are emotionally vulnerable. (Sorry ladies, no offense)
stawj
09-14-2011, 12:12 AM
Ouch.... Brutal.
What I don't understand is she could have continued the hustle. I was clearly manipulable, I would have probably kept paying just to be near her. Why would she stop. I gave her money just for spending time with me to make up some of the tips she missed. She could still be milking me. Why would she stop?
Maybe I am particularly dense in this area but it just defies all logic. If it was just financially driven, the cow was giving milk, why kill the cow?
I have not been back to the club because I couldn't bear it if she ignored me again. So the jig is up. However, there again is the question, why throw the baby out with the bathwater? She could have made at least a couple hundred more off of my by demanding a dance, I would have caved, but she didn't.
Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but isn't that weird to anyone else?
:banghead:
Are you holding on to some hope that it perhaps wasn't really all about the money?
Good point. But I don't think she would know it was me and I have not denigrated her at all. In fact, despite my hurt and embarrassment I have defended her. I hope she sees that if she sees these posts!
I don't think it matters anymore now. Time for you to move on, I think.
KS_Stevia
09-14-2011, 07:29 AM
Ouch.... Brutal.
What I don't understand is she could have continued the hustle. I was clearly manipulable, I would have probably kept paying just to be near her. Why would she stop. I gave her money just for spending time with me to make up some of the tips she missed. She could still be milking me. Why would she stop?
Maybe I am particularly dense in this area but it just defies all logic. If it was just financially driven, the cow was giving milk, why kill the cow?
I have not been back to the club because I couldn't bear it if she ignored me again. So the jig is up. However, there again is the question, why throw the baby out with the bathwater? She could have made at least a couple hundred more off of my by demanding a dance, I would have caved, but she didn't.
Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but isn't that weird to anyone else?
:banghead:
There are a few clear and simple reasons why, but I need more information for the first part:
1. You said you didn't spend money the last time you were in there, just drinks. What happened that night and why didn't you get dances? Did you tip her for her time, and how much? How long were you in the club and how much time did she spend with you? The reason for my probe is because your answers will give me a definitive answer on if she was:
a. creeped out somehow
b. predicted diminishing returns
2. The other reason could be that she isn't into playing the regulars game, she prefers to "turn and burn" new custies. I also prefer this type of hustle too, and generally let regulars go on after a couple of times..unless they continued to come in and be cool, spend, no drama, etc.
3. She may have also realized that you were falling in love and decided her game went to far so she severed the ties, but didn't have the balls to "confront"you in the form of a cancellation and honest explanation. She still should have called. Sorry, I think standing someone up is extremely rude, no matter who you are.
bem401
09-14-2011, 03:11 PM
Bem401 - I partially understand what you're saying, however I can tell you that in my two experiences dating a dancer I met at a club, they let me know within hours of meeting. Also, early on it was clear that this meant no money and no me coming to the club when they working. One I dated for 6 months, the other one I dated for a year!
Read what I wrote. I said it was unrealistic to go in there thinking it was going to happen, especially within a couple of visits. I didn't say it was impossible. I've been fortunate enough to develop some decent friendships with a few dancers but it was never something I expected beforehand and they all took several months at the least to materialize.