View Full Version : Dazed and confused...
that.guy.in.la
09-14-2011, 03:25 PM
Read what I wrote. I said it was unrealistic to go in there thinking it was going to happen, especially within a couple of visits. I didn't say it was impossible. I've been fortunate enough to develop some decent friendships with a few dancers but it was never something I expected beforehand and they all took several months at the least to materialize.
Understood. ;D
that.guy.in.la
09-14-2011, 03:46 PM
Kaaraak - I know it's hard to control who you fall for, I really do. I also know that walking away and forgetting about someone when you have feelings for them is easy to say, but so hard to do, but I think that is what you have to do.
You say you hope someday that you two can be friends and you may even believe it, but in my experiences, the heart is lying to us. It is trying to convince us to ignore what our brain knows because it wants to believe there is a chance. Unfortunately, she has indicated in so many ways there is no chance, not even when money is involved. That is a pretty direct message. It just wasn't meant to be.
If you still want to go to clubs, I would recommend going to another club and just removing her from the equation completely.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, though - I truly am.
Hang in there!
Kaaraak
09-14-2011, 04:30 PM
There are a few clear and simple reasons why, but I need more information for the first part:
1. You said you didn't spend money the last time you were in there, just drinks. What happened that night and why didn't you get dances?
I was enjoying talking to her and I had to go back to work. (I had a late conference call with Australia) We ran out of time and I had to leave.
Did you tip her for her time, and how much? How long were you in the club and how much time did she spend with you?
Yes I gave her ~$60 I was there for maybe 30 minutes of which she was with me for maybe 20. When I tried to tip me she kept telling me not to do this... I am not sure what she meant and I was already late. The end result was clear though.
The reason for my probe is because your answers will give me a definitive answer on if she was:
a. creeped out somehow
b. predicted diminishing returns
2. The other reason could be that she isn't into playing the regulars game, she prefers to "turn and burn" new custies. I also prefer this type of hustle too, and generally let regulars go on after a couple of times..unless they continued to come in and be cool, spend, no drama, etc.
3. She may have also realized that you were falling in love and decided her game went to far so she severed the ties, but didn't have the balls to "confront"you in the form of a cancellation and honest explanation. She still should have called. Sorry, I think standing someone up is extremely rude, no matter who you are.
I would love to hear your synopsis!
Kaaraak
09-14-2011, 04:34 PM
Read what I wrote. I said it was unrealistic to go in there thinking it was going to happen, especially within a couple of visits. I didn't say it was impossible. I've been fortunate enough to develop some decent friendships with a few dancers but it was never something I expected beforehand and they all took several months at the least to materialize.
I promise you, and I will reiterate my previous posts, I would not have thought to find what I found that night with her. I did not go looking for love, I went looking for fun. I cannot help the feelings she stirred up in me. I wish I could though... Especially now. :-[
Kaaraak
09-14-2011, 04:42 PM
Kaaraak - I know it's hard to control who you fall for, I really do. I also know that walking away and forgetting about someone when you have feelings for them is easy to say, but so hard to do, but I think that is what you have to do.
You say you hope someday that you two can be friends and you may even believe it, but in my experiences, the heart is lying to us. It is trying to convince us to ignore what our brain knows because it wants to believe there is a chance. Unfortunately, she has indicated in so many ways there is no chance, not even when money is involved. That is a pretty direct message. It just wasn't meant to be.
If you still want to go to clubs, I would recommend going to another club and just removing her from the equation completely.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, though - I truly am.
Hang in there!
At least someone understands that you can't control everything... Thanks, I am walking away but, it is difficult to do. She brings out the best in me, and I like it. No that's a lie, I loved it. I became super efficient at work so I could be available for her. I acted so out of character with her. I don't know. I haven't ever felt like this before. Knowing I have to walk away is almost physically painful...
I must sound like a total loser...
rickdugan
09-14-2011, 05:16 PM
She brings out the best in me, and I like it. No that's a lie, I loved it. I became super efficient at work so I could be available for her. I acted so out of character with her. I don't know. I haven't ever felt like this before. Knowing I have to walk away is almost physically painful...
Huh? :O
Assuming this is not all just a gag, then I can only say:
RUN, DON'T WALK, TO THE NEAREST EXIT...
...and I'm not really sure if I should be posting that message for you or for her.
Seriously dude, that came off as a touch creepy. You might want to seriously think about finding an IRL girlfriend, or maybe a new pet, or something. I am really not trying to be harsh here, but you sound like someone who is about to do something ill advised, like going to the club and pouring your heart out, or stalking her, or both.
KeithDoxen
09-14-2011, 05:24 PM
At least someone understands that you can't control everything... Thanks, I am walking away but, it is difficult to do. She brings out the best in me, and I like it. No that's a lie, I loved it. I became super efficient at work so I could be available for her. I acted so out of character with her. I don't know. I haven't ever felt like this before. Knowing I have to walk away is almost physically painful...
I must sound like a total loser...
Dude, it's time to step away from the kool aid. I've been supportive up until now because the Internet tends to be a place where people channel their inner adolescent, and I knew there'd be lots of people picking on you for thinking you had a shot with a stripper that you met ITC. But we're at the point where it is very, very clear that this girl was hustling you, and it's time for you to man up and realize that too.
It's time to walk away. There are over 6 billion people in the world, and about half of them are women. That's plenty to choose from. Just dust off your ego and categorize this as a learning experience.
SteveSmith
09-14-2011, 05:57 PM
Yeah, I'm starting to smell a troll here. This whole story sounds like BS to me. The first post sounded somewhat legit but the OP being reduced to a blubbering mess after seeing a dancer twice in a strip club is unbelievable.
Kaaraak
09-14-2011, 05:58 PM
Huh? :O
Assuming this is not all just a gag, then I can only say:
RUN, DON'T WALK, TO THE NEAREST EXIT...
...and I'm not really sure if I should be posting that message for you or for her.
Seriously dude, that came off as a touch creepy. You might want to seriously think about finding an IRL girlfriend, or maybe a new pet, or something. I am really not trying to be harsh here, but you sound like someone who is about to do something ill advised, like going to the club and pouring your heart out, or stalking her, or both.
Dude go easy. Read the thread. You are reading too much into one expression of regret. I am sure you haven't handled every event in your life with perfect clarity and no regrets, so relax with the harsh judgement. You act as though you know me, or her. You don't know me that much is abundantly clear.
Just for your edification I will spell it out:
I haven't been nor am I going back. Period. The ride is over. The movie has ended. There is no more to the story.
That being the case, it does not mean I have to like it!
Aurora_Sunset
09-14-2011, 05:59 PM
Don't build her up in your mind, and don't fantasize about her. Every time you want to sit and daydream about "what could've been" or what might still be, stop and distract yourself with something else. I read somewhere that, when it comes to feelings, the mind does not distinguish between scenarios you just made up and scenarios that actually happened. So, even if all you do is imagine you two being friends and her being all happy and excited to see and hang out with you the next time you go into the club, your feelings will continue to grow around that fantasy rather than the harsh reality that she cares nothing for you.
This was a woman you spent only a few nights with and you had to pay her for her time. It was all an act - all a fantasy. She's clearly good at what she does if she's managed to ensare you so deeply in it. But she's made it clear that the fantasy is over, so you need to realize it too. Hell, if you really need a wake-up call to reality, go back to the club one more time and watch her ignore you again. This woman is a good actress - nothing more. If anything, the fact that she is the type of person who would screw with someone's emotions like this for the sake a hustle should be enough for you to realize that she is NOT the great, kind-hearted soul you once believed her to be.
You got duped, and it sucks. But we all do at one point. And the only way to learn from it is to accept it - and especially to see the con-artist for what they really are and despise them for it.
Kaaraak
09-14-2011, 06:05 PM
Yeah, I'm starting to smell a troll here. This whole story sounds like BS to me. The first post sounded somewhat legit but the OP being reduced to a blubbering mess after seeing a dancer twice in a strip club is unbelievable.
Really? Is it? I have thanked those that added something of value to the discussion, your assertions of troll add nothing other than your personal judgement that my expressions are not legitimate. Yes, I only hang out with her on a few occasions, however we spoke frequently over the last few weeks. I am not an idiot that falls for the first girl he meets.
I am not obligated to justify my posts to you but your claims are unfounded and frankly ridiculous.
I am not a blubbering mess. Perhaps overly expressive but not blubbering.
Kaaraak
09-14-2011, 06:11 PM
Don't build her up in your mind, and don't fantasize about her. Every time you want to sit and daydream about "what could've been" or what might still be, stop and distract yourself with something else. I read somewhere that, when it comes to feelings, the mind does not distinguish between scenarios you just made up and scenarios that actually happened. So, even if all you do is imagine you two being friends and her being all happy and excited to see and hang out with you the next time you go into the club, your feelings will continue to grow around that fantasy rather than the harsh reality that she cares nothing for you.
This was a woman you spent only a few nights with and you had to pay her for her time. It was all an act - all a fantasy. She's clearly good at what she does if she's managed to ensare you so deeply in it. But she's made it clear that the fantasy is over, so you need to realize it too. Hell, if you really need a wake-up call to reality, go back to the club one more time and watch her ignore you again. This woman is a good actress - nothing more. If anything, the fact that she is the type of person who would screw with someone's emotions like this for the sake a hustle should be enough for you to realize that she is NOT the great, kind-hearted soul you once believed her to be.
You got duped, and it sucks. But we all do at one point. And the only way to learn from it is to accept it - and especially to see the con-artist for what they really are and despise them for it.
Thank you for the useful post. I appreciate your sobering candor as I dealt with this crappy situation. I have walked away and won't expose myself to such a toxic situation again.
You and some of the others have been invaluable in helping me get through this challenge and I want to thank all of those that sincerely were trying to help.
stawj
09-14-2011, 09:03 PM
At least someone understands that you can't control everything... Thanks, I am walking away but, it is difficult to do. She brings out the best in me, and I like it. No that's a lie, I loved it. I became super efficient at work so I could be available for her. I acted so out of character with her. I don't know. I haven't ever felt like this before. Knowing I have to walk away is almost physically painful...
Ok, just hold on a second here. Your opening post was on the 5th of Sep and you say you met her the week before. Then on the 9th of Sep is when you say she started ignoring you.
So that's like what? Less than 2 weeks of getting to know her before you decided all of the above about her? Sorry dude, but WTF?
I must sound like a total loser...
I hate to say it but you do kind of. You need to snap out of it.
shenglu
09-28-2011, 10:08 PM
You are vulnerable, and now, it is easily manipulated. She's good in her, you will lose your heart and greatly reduce your bank account. I'm sorry - I am a cynical nature and have seen many times this way.
Kaaraak
10-24-2011, 11:28 AM
Hi all,
A quick update.
I have not returned to the club and had moved on, however, she has contacted me and apologized for not getting back in touch with me. She claims to have been travelling out of the country and was unavailable. (I don't necessarily buy that)
I am very skeptical and keeping a safe distance for now. I will not allow myself to get swept up in fantasy again. If I see her it will be OOC. She indicated that she would like that, so we shall see.
Stay tuned, apparently the show ain't over. :-\
KS_Stevia
10-24-2011, 06:02 PM
Hehehe she is good. Not that good as I can see right through this, but it costs her nothing to make empty promises until you're hooked again. Sorry man.
yoda57us
10-24-2011, 06:19 PM
Hi all,
I am very skeptical and keeping a safe distance for now. I will not allow myself to get swept up in fantasy again. If I see her it will be OOC. She indicated that she would like that, so we shall see.
Stay tuned, apparently the show ain't over. :-\
Here we go again...
Kellydancer
10-26-2011, 02:46 PM
She is a great hustler.
rickdugan
10-26-2011, 07:32 PM
From this:
I haven't been nor am I going back. Period. The ride is over. The movie has ended. There is no more to the story.
to this:
Stay tuned, apparently the show ain't over. :-\
All for the low, low price of a very dubious excuse. ;)
But take heart, we've all been there at one time or another. And who knows, if you spend enough, you may get back to this:
She brings out the best in me, and I like it. No that's a lie, I loved it. I became super efficient at work so I could be available for her. I acted so out of character with her. I don't know. I haven't ever felt like this before. Knowing I have to walk away is almost physically painful...
Good luck!
Kessler
11-02-2011, 04:00 AM
Seems like as good a time to submit my first post. Hope I don't make a complete jackass of myself, but if don't, I'm sure there will be many more opportunities...
Kaaraak, I could be wrong, but I think what you're going through is commonly referred to as the "infatuation phase". I'm being 100% serious. Look it up, especially in the context of 'affairs'. This is the reason why most extra-marital affairs begin - the infatuation phase. The "it hurts to be away from her/him" phase. The "i can't stop thinking about you" phase. It's the pick-up artists favorite phase because it motivates people to do insanely irrational things.
Okay. That's what's going on (or was going on) in you. Best guess, anyway.
She, on the other hand, IS NOT in that same phase. I can guarantee that. How do I know? Because she's NOT mirroring your behavior. In fact, it's quite the opposite. She wanted to see you, but in the club, whereas you would have met her anywhere. Then she blew you off w/o so much as a text. When you went back to the club, you stated she wasn't even cordial. She finally gets back to you, but a month later and with a wobbly excuse at best.
If she felt the same 'connection', and even half of what you feel for her, do you think she would have treated you this way? If you want to boil down someone's bullshit, ignore the words. Evaluate them solely by their actions. What do they do? Not what they suggest, promise or dangle. What are their actions towards you?
Ignoring your words to her, and purely looking at what you've done, you have: gone back to see her and only her (when this whole thing started), invited her on a date, set up a ton of plans (yes, they were over the top) and confirm the night before by going back to the club.
Ignoring her words to you, and purely looking at what she's done, she's: invited you to see her at the club while you spent money, sat and talked with you for money, blew you off without the courtesy of communication, dispensed with politeness the next time you went back to the club, waited a month to contact you.
I feel for you, buddy. I really do. But if you go back to that same club, be polite, say hi, but don't chat, don't get a dance, and for the love of all things glittery, don't ask her out. If she REALLY wants to be with you (which I doubt), then let HER ask. In my experience, dancers are VERY clear about their intentions when there's a genuine desire to hang out OTC. She is being as cloudy as San Francisco fog.
And remember, regardless of the reason for her flakey-ness -- whether she "has her guard up" (doubtful), just flakey (a shade less doubtful) or is just hustling you because she remembered you had money (most likely) -- SHE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU. Sorry to be brutal, but if you were giving advice to a friend about this scenario, you'd say the same thing, I think? You wouldn't advise him to go through all this effort, all this heartache and false optimism for someone who wasn't worth HIS worth.
Don't shortchange yourself.
Sorry for the novel, but I'm trying to shake you out of the phase and make sure you don't
Kessler
11-02-2011, 04:01 AM
I'll finish that last sentence - "...make sure you don't make an ass out of yourself...especially by not finishing your sentence in the middle of a post". That would be embarrassing.
Brandi_Lynn
11-02-2011, 04:14 AM
I am going to tread lightly. I am by default a romantic guy, I feel that the the devil is in the details and I have a very romantic encounter planned chock full of her favorite things.
A bouquet of flowers from Argentina country in her favorite colors
A wonderful dinner with a Filet in a demi glace and poached steelhead trout in a white wine sauce custom made at a friends resteraunt
Horse drawn carriage ride through historic Philly
Is that too much? It is waaaay too much -except the first example. Take your time! I cannot emphasize this enough!
I havent dated in 13 years but I like to do these sorts of things. Am I going too far?
This is too, too much for any women! -not even a hopeless romantic would play for this (except the first example) . This first only -until you know. You do not want to set yourself up as a mark (even though, you might have already been marked as one).
Good Luck! :-*
Almost Jaded
11-02-2011, 12:03 PM
In my experience, dancers are VERY clear about their intentions when there's a genuine desire to hang out OTC.
Very, very true.
The confusion is in the other direction, though - when they send tose very clear signals - and are still playing you, lol.
Kaaraak - the ride is over if you say the ride is over. So she texted you - big deal. She texted you a bunch of BS. Hopefully you didn't respond. If you did - oh well, don't anymore. I just kicked one to the curb that WAS seeing & fucking me OTC for this same behavior - blowing off plans, lame ass excuses, no contact for days after missing a planned outing, etc. Sometimes it's just not worth it. Go be infatuated with someone who infatuates you back, lol.
KS_Stevia
11-03-2011, 06:18 PM
I like this Kessler cat, he has teh smartz.
Kessler
11-04-2011, 01:42 AM
I pale in comparison to Yoda. The Force is strong with that one. :)
yoda57us
11-04-2011, 02:51 PM
I pale in comparison to Yoda. The Force is strong with that one. :)
lol, I'm just an old wind-bag who likes to suck-up to dancers...
The cool kids like you Kessler, you're on the right track!;)
Kellydancer
11-04-2011, 09:00 PM
I'll add myself to the I like Kessler group. I wish all the new guys were like him.
KS_Stevia
11-05-2011, 07:25 AM
Now watch the blues start accusing him of being a kiss ass.
Kellydancer
11-05-2011, 12:31 PM
Not the cool blues, just the idiots.
Almost Jaded
11-06-2011, 06:25 AM
He's not a kiss-ass yet, he's got a lot of catching up to some of us to do before he earns THAT title, lol. :P
Kessler
11-07-2011, 03:06 AM
Fuck you all -- there, maybe that'll keep me safe from the blues ;)
EvanLeigh
11-13-2011, 07:57 PM
OmG i wana know what happens next !!!! lol :P