cbrandy
10-09-2011, 11:59 PM
I've already posted in this thread, but I referred to what I would do NOW and how my ex BF was....HOWEVER... I agree with Kelly and this is why:
My marriage was the typical 50's, "Christian" forced submission type marriage. He was an unambitious (every time he was offered a job as manager or some other promotion, he turned it down as he thought it would signify he thought his job was more important than God as he was also a Pastor, unpaid as one though, hence the need for an outside job). He had an Associates, I have a Doctorate. He had nothing but his janitorial job and promises of being a Godly man and father, I had $166,000 in the bank to then (stupidly) bankroll his dream of being a Senior Pastor, starting and then failing at two churches (he was a prideful asshole and so destroyed two congregations). After 15 years and 4 beautiful children that he could care less about since all he cared about was himself, and me trying to be that perfect wife and never good enough, I divorced his ass and 3 churches have banned me for just that. Not that I care, and I love my kids and they asked me why I didn't leave sooner and even today, 6 years later, they dread going to be with him because it's only because of their stepmom that he is "forced" to try to spend time with them and do things with him. He's a selfish jerk. But that's not my point here. Had I first of all, been advised NOT to just hand over my money, and let it compound in interest, even half would have been a nice amount to have when I left him. But no, the Christian thing was to make my money his money and God forbid we even THINK about a pre-nup! And also, had I even had a part-time job nurturing my Doctorate education, I would not have left him with basically 15 years of no job history, and my only options are entry level crap jobs-4 teenagers need someone with more than entry level pay. Child support? yes, $750 a month, $250 per kid-my oldest is 19. Alimony? Never! The judge said that I make more than him-with my entry level day job (before the economy and layoffs and now I'm a phone sex op) and that I'm LUCKY HE DOESN'T MAKE ME PAY HIM ALIMONY EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ALL 4 KIDS AND HE HAS THEM 4 DAYS A MONTH!!! So yea, even leaving him broke, it would have been a good safeguard to have had some kind of work history so I could have gotten a better paying job after leaving his ass...YOU NEVER KNOW, THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.
My marriage was the typical 50's, "Christian" forced submission type marriage. He was an unambitious (every time he was offered a job as manager or some other promotion, he turned it down as he thought it would signify he thought his job was more important than God as he was also a Pastor, unpaid as one though, hence the need for an outside job). He had an Associates, I have a Doctorate. He had nothing but his janitorial job and promises of being a Godly man and father, I had $166,000 in the bank to then (stupidly) bankroll his dream of being a Senior Pastor, starting and then failing at two churches (he was a prideful asshole and so destroyed two congregations). After 15 years and 4 beautiful children that he could care less about since all he cared about was himself, and me trying to be that perfect wife and never good enough, I divorced his ass and 3 churches have banned me for just that. Not that I care, and I love my kids and they asked me why I didn't leave sooner and even today, 6 years later, they dread going to be with him because it's only because of their stepmom that he is "forced" to try to spend time with them and do things with him. He's a selfish jerk. But that's not my point here. Had I first of all, been advised NOT to just hand over my money, and let it compound in interest, even half would have been a nice amount to have when I left him. But no, the Christian thing was to make my money his money and God forbid we even THINK about a pre-nup! And also, had I even had a part-time job nurturing my Doctorate education, I would not have left him with basically 15 years of no job history, and my only options are entry level crap jobs-4 teenagers need someone with more than entry level pay. Child support? yes, $750 a month, $250 per kid-my oldest is 19. Alimony? Never! The judge said that I make more than him-with my entry level day job (before the economy and layoffs and now I'm a phone sex op) and that I'm LUCKY HE DOESN'T MAKE ME PAY HIM ALIMONY EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ALL 4 KIDS AND HE HAS THEM 4 DAYS A MONTH!!! So yea, even leaving him broke, it would have been a good safeguard to have had some kind of work history so I could have gotten a better paying job after leaving his ass...YOU NEVER KNOW, THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.