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View Full Version : Are men truly okay with women being after their money?



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cbrandy
10-09-2011, 11:59 PM
I've already posted in this thread, but I referred to what I would do NOW and how my ex BF was....HOWEVER... I agree with Kelly and this is why:

My marriage was the typical 50's, "Christian" forced submission type marriage. He was an unambitious (every time he was offered a job as manager or some other promotion, he turned it down as he thought it would signify he thought his job was more important than God as he was also a Pastor, unpaid as one though, hence the need for an outside job). He had an Associates, I have a Doctorate. He had nothing but his janitorial job and promises of being a Godly man and father, I had $166,000 in the bank to then (stupidly) bankroll his dream of being a Senior Pastor, starting and then failing at two churches (he was a prideful asshole and so destroyed two congregations). After 15 years and 4 beautiful children that he could care less about since all he cared about was himself, and me trying to be that perfect wife and never good enough, I divorced his ass and 3 churches have banned me for just that. Not that I care, and I love my kids and they asked me why I didn't leave sooner and even today, 6 years later, they dread going to be with him because it's only because of their stepmom that he is "forced" to try to spend time with them and do things with him. He's a selfish jerk. But that's not my point here. Had I first of all, been advised NOT to just hand over my money, and let it compound in interest, even half would have been a nice amount to have when I left him. But no, the Christian thing was to make my money his money and God forbid we even THINK about a pre-nup! And also, had I even had a part-time job nurturing my Doctorate education, I would not have left him with basically 15 years of no job history, and my only options are entry level crap jobs-4 teenagers need someone with more than entry level pay. Child support? yes, $750 a month, $250 per kid-my oldest is 19. Alimony? Never! The judge said that I make more than him-with my entry level day job (before the economy and layoffs and now I'm a phone sex op) and that I'm LUCKY HE DOESN'T MAKE ME PAY HIM ALIMONY EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ALL 4 KIDS AND HE HAS THEM 4 DAYS A MONTH!!! So yea, even leaving him broke, it would have been a good safeguard to have had some kind of work history so I could have gotten a better paying job after leaving his ass...YOU NEVER KNOW, THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

Kellydancer
10-10-2011, 12:12 AM
Cbrandy, great post and a perfect example of why I feel the way I do. We all hope to maryr for life, but life does not always happen that way. If you don't mind me asking what kind of church? I had a friend who believed in the whole submission thing because of his church. He feels women are here to make as many babies as possible and once they marry then they quit working. It's a Fundie church and quite scary.

I think it is very impressive that you have a doctorate. I have a MA degree, considering getitng a Ph.D but decided against it.

mediocrity
10-10-2011, 06:09 AM
When I was single, I looked for these qualities in a man:

- Above average intelligence
- Good looking
- Well liked
- Ambitious
- Dedicated (in every aspect of life)

Generally speaking, men with these attributes have the ability to obtain good employment. So to me it wasn't directly about money; more the desire and ability to succeed in all areas of their life. I never expected to be taken care of, but I always expected 50/50.

Actually, the good looking part is just because it makes me happy. ;)

cbrandy
10-11-2011, 01:27 AM
Cbrandy, great post and a perfect example of why I feel the way I do. We all hope to maryr for life, but life does not always happen that way. If you don't mind me asking what kind of church? I had a friend who believed in the whole submission thing because of his church. He feels women are here to make as many babies as possible and once they marry then they quit working. It's a Fundie church and quite scary.

I think it is very impressive that you have a doctorate. I have a MA degree, considering getitng a Ph.D but decided against it.


It was a fundamental church too, and yes, the man works and the woman is to wear amish dresses, no makeup, no outside interests except raising kids and cooking and cleaning. He could care less about my Doctorate and ONCE he quit his job and then DEMANDED that I work for awhile. I did, but then he started telling me how I can't go to this or that meeting ON WORK HOURS MIND YOU and finally telling ME TO QUIT NOW, HE HAS A JOB OFFER. Oh yea, my female boss was understanding but she, like me, wanted to pound the shit outta him! Oh, and since we homeschooled, well I did, the 9 months I worked he basically DID NOTHING even though I showed him the curriculum and it was all basically self starting, but asshole that he was, he MADE IT SO I HAD TO RUSH THROUGH SUMMER FOR THEM TO FINISH THEIR STUFF AND BE TESTED! Oh, did I mention he has remarried to another woman with money and in the 4 years he has been married, he has worked only 1 year? YEP, SHE'S SUPPORTING HIS LAZY LIFE AND PAYING HIS CHILD SUPPORT....boy when I pick them I pick them...no, I was just young and dumb and fresh in bible college...can't trust anyone...enough of my rant now...lol...I think! JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU WATCH OUT FOR YOU-PLEASE! LET MY STORY BE AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN, LEFT BROKE AND JOB SKILLS-LESS WITH 4 KIDS TO SUPPORT. I had to actually take him to court TO EVEN MAKE HIM PAY CHILD SUPPORT...AND AGAIN TO PAY THE MEDICAL INSURANCE THAT HE WAS LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO PAY THAT I HAD BEEN PAYING FOR 3 YEARS...sorry, going all caps here, I just read all your posts and love those here and want all you girls to take care of you and not depend on some male hero to do it...hugs!