Log in

View Full Version : Don't know if I should leave him



Pages : 1 [2]

mediocrity
12-19-2011, 12:52 AM
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shit%20or%20get%20off%20the%20pot

anouk.oui
12-19-2011, 01:35 AM
ah ok now i get it. youre right theres no point in me staying n suffering. i think its just best i dont contact him for awhile and tell him to knock off later. theres just no talking to him he has a way of turning everything back around onto me.

yes youre right olive always.. he seems so far gone these days its almost impossible to bring him back to the person he used to be theres just sooo many issues!
its best for me not to see him i can think better obviously when im not there and dont have a crying man begging me to stay saying he loves me and just end up hurting me again bang see i sound so pathetic

William Folds
12-19-2011, 01:54 AM
Stay strong and maybe get away for a while if possible? Good luck

anouk.oui
12-19-2011, 02:29 AM
so happy my cat is home to give me cuddles

anouk.oui
12-19-2011, 04:57 AM
just sent him an email saying the things i wanted but couldnt this morning because of him, how i cant tolerate him treating me like this and hoping he will get help for his depression or whatever the fuck he has so hopefully we can be together again because what we need now is a break from one another.

i know ive done the right thing but im in so much pain.

anouk.oui
12-19-2011, 05:37 AM
now that i have the internet heres what happened

he absolutely ruined my night at the staff party. all because were all fooling around and everyones hanging off poles so i playfully try to get him to dance on it n he gets really pissed off then even more pissed when i ignore him and start crying n proceeds to say 'im leaving in 4 mins babe n hope u will come with me'. as if he has money for a cab n theres no buses.

so theres no explaining or reasoning with him so he decides to walk on the other side of the road so he doesnt have to see me. then walks 5m behind me on the way to the station yelling FINE WTF HAVE I DONE WHAT and i just sob coz what else do you say to that. he doesnt even give me time to answer just yells faaaaark and sits in the opposite side train carriage and shouts poor stabs to make me cry more n gets upset when i do.

shit like 'fine dont talk to me fuckin forget i existed' blah blah n when i break down infront of him why he would say shit like that hes like thats the only way he can get my attention or get somekinda response!

so im angry and hail a cab. he asks if he can come or i make him walk home [20min car ride] so i tell him yes when i really want to either leave him there, or catch a bus to my house, but i cant coz all my bags are at his place.

doesnt talk to me for the whole way.

i go to bed in his room. he decides to kick something loud in the living room and yell 'fuckk' then tell me hes staying at his friends place down the road for the night.

so i contemplate calling a taxi and going the fuck home, except i have to take two cabs, its 2am, have less than $100, and a bus which comes once every two hours, theres a thunderstorm too so i decide ill stay the night.

so im lying in bed.
pretending to sleep when he comes thru the door around 330am and crawls to bed next to me sobbing.

*haz nightmare about being killed by SO with shotgun and waking up around 1pm to screaming domestically abusive neighbours*

neither of us wanna get up coz we both know we have to talk about last night. he proceeds to spoon me and tell me hes sorry and expect similarly mellow reaction. i say nothing.
he leaves to the next room to play drums. i get dressed.

i try to talk to him. i wondered if him using the pole dancing as an excuse to blow up means theres something else hes unhappy about but not telling me. apparently there isnt. apparently theres 'no saying no' to me.

he tries to guilt trip me and turn it all around like the whole night was my fault from start to finish then apologise and tell me he loves me. i tell him im leaving. he follows me to the door begging me not to. telling me he loves me and he will never treat me like that again. i dont buy it.

i spend 10 min standing infront of the door with him hanging onto me trying to sweet talk me back to bed. finally gather all my inner strenght and leave. he repeatedly tries calling and txts running away wont solve my problems.

i emaild him half an hr ago saying we need a break. im upset. im angry. HUGS??

OliveJardin
12-19-2011, 09:09 AM
...*drunken olive hugz*

Aurora_Sunset
12-19-2011, 09:54 AM
Anouk, I'm not saying this to be mean at all and please don't take it that way. I'm saying it with love.

Shit or get off the pot.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and, as she was talking about all her relationships and boys, I thought of this thread. She has had the worst luck with men - I seriously don't know where she finds these guys, but they're messed up. But, the only reason they've impacted her life as much as they have is because she doesn't know when to walk away. She'll find out a guy is a cheapskate freeloader and compulsive liar within the first 2 days of meeting him, and she'll still keep talking to and hanging out with the guy for months. And then she'll call me to tell me all about the "latest development" with psycho-man. At this point, I've just started saying to her "Why is this guy even still around? Why the hell do you even answer his calls?" She has all these big, long, dramatic stories about all these assholes she's tried to date, but, ultimately, it's her own fault for even letting them become big, long, dramatic stories rather than just little anecdotes because she doesn't walk away when she knows the guy is trouble. Not her fault the guys are messed up, but she needs to learn when to walk away instead of dragging out something that clearly isn't going to work.

I feel like that's kind of the situation here. Nothing's getting better with your guy. And it doesn't sound like it will - It's not like you can't say you haven't tried. You've given him more than enough chances and he's turning into an abusive manipulator. I think instead of dragging the drama out further and letting him hurt you more, it's just time to let go. You may have had a good thing in the beginning, but people change and he's changed for the worse.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I get the feeling that you will feel so much relief when it's finally over and you don't have someone putting you down all the time anymore. *hugs!*

anouk.oui
12-19-2011, 01:30 PM
True but unlike ur friend he only started changing in the past few months. The only thing i knew bout was the weed in the beginning. Its like hes done a complete 180 from who he used to be but he can handle his own fucking issues from now. Hes seem to hav gtaken the hint to fuck off

luscious sadie
12-19-2011, 01:34 PM
dump him. After that whole post about your xmas party? Regardless of how long it has taken him to change from angel into that.... if someone treated me like that they would be loooong gone.

most of the time, if you post a thread "should I leave him or not" it's time to leave him.

just do it. What are you going to regret? Someone yelling mean things at you in public?

anouk.oui
12-19-2011, 03:58 PM
i think im just easing myself into never seeing him again. as far as im concerned it is over. i feel like i gave him too many chances, i tried to help him many times over but its not my job anymore, he has nothing to offer me and so different from who he used to be. hes on his own now i just cant handle it anymore. too many fucking issues and i have my own life too thanks.

ive been exhausted physically and mentally since yesterday and now i have all these weird cold shivers and muscle aches. so today i think im just gonna lay in bed, watch daria and big bang theory drink tea and eat shit food.

strangely i dont feel sad at all [just yet]

OliveJardin
12-19-2011, 07:59 PM
True but unlike ur friend he only started changing in the past few months

^That's not true, if you look back on everything you'll realise he's been causing you a lot of stress on & off this whole year (including the addiction, his struggle with depression, his performance problems & not being supportive or understanding of your job/classes etc). There have been many red flags. It is just that you didn't see it because him hitting rock bottom like this makes everything else seem almost normal. If anyone else had gone through all of this you would be the first one telling them to get out & then feeling angry when they didn't!

I know you must be hurting atm, but, give it time & you'll feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders & your life in general. I know you wanted to "fix him" or rather help him fix himself. Lost little puppies are cute at first & we have all tried to save one or two-but 99% of the time you end up being bitten & the puppy runs away again anyway. Ppl need to realise things on their own before they make an effort to change their lives for the better (if they even realise at all).

Being single is NOT that bad & after a LTR being single for a while & focusing on yourself is rewarding (even more so when the relationship has been destructive). It is NOT that lonely when you have a strong support system around you (i.e. cheese, your friends, family) & keep busy; you are studying, you have many positive things in your life to focus on & work towards.
I'm also sure that without the added stress you will be happier & therefore more tolerant & positive at work (so you will do well again, after all, a mood bad is as easy to sense as a bad smell ITC).

anouk.oui
12-19-2011, 09:21 PM
thats true, i mean serious problems began when he quit his job or when he was heavily into the weed.
or maybe he had issues before but too many things like jobs and hobbies that masked that earlier.

i kinda feel better already not agonising whether or not i was wrong or what hes gonna do next.
if i wasnt a dancer i would prob stop shaving my legs.

sometimes when i look back to the relationship i feel like ive done everything i could have to save it and keep the love going so i dont feel like this is such a huge shock. ive really given it my all, so it would be nice to relax and sit in the sun for awhile.

i guess once school starts again i will completely forget about all of this.

i like how you listed cheese as my number one support system.
meh. dont much like being single. i need a nice sexy boy between relationships to sleep with and to take me out n take my mind away from things in a casual fun way.

anouk.oui
12-20-2011, 05:42 AM
bah i hate being alone at night. must watch mind numbing teen movies. i dont wanna do something stupid like txt him or miss him so i keep having to remind myself the way he behaved on the street, the train, party etc. im really glad that scene happened or i may have never gathered the courage.

Aurora_Sunset
12-20-2011, 10:37 AM
Lost little puppies are cute at first & we have all tried to save one or two-but 99% of the time you end up being bitten & the puppy runs away again anyway.

Omg, can I just say, best analogy ever?

Artema
12-21-2011, 12:55 AM
I wasn't going to step in here, but I agree ^
I've been reading through this whole post-story and ew this guy sounds majorly pathetic...Not You!

He seems very insecure, needy and thus, manipulative. Which to my understanding has the ability to turn nasty abusive. I agree with everyone. RUN from this guy! He is NOT your responsibility and don't let him think you owe him anything. OMG behavior like this erks me to no end >:(

anouk.oui
12-21-2011, 08:41 AM
Plz do thats why i post. It helps me realise things n make up my mind. Its good to know its not just me especially if someone you love is being this manipulative. Swear i wanted to throw something at him. I dont know if the weed ruined his personality or if he was like that to begin wit n used the weed to mask it.

StripClubRegular
12-23-2011, 02:26 PM
Plz do thats why i post. It helps me realise things n make up my mind. Its good to know its not just me especially if someone you love is being this manipulative. Swear i wanted to throw something at him. I dont know if the weed ruined his personality or if he was like that to begin wit n used the weed to mask it.

I didn't get a chance to check back in after my initial knee-jerk response. I am just glad that people agreed with my assessment. After surviving a long term abusive relationship myself, I've developed an automatic defense against abusive behaviors. When I read your post about the Xmas party, alarms were going off left and right in my head. That's why I had to make that harsh post.

After reading some of your later posts, I have no doubt in my mind now that the relationship is turning abusive. Just remember that he doesn't have to hit you to be abusive. Emotional manipulation is just as bad if not worse.

As for why he changed so much, perhaps he has always been that way. At the beginning of a relationship, you have your rosy glasses on and he's at his best behavior. Over time, your rosy glasses slowly turn clear and he slowly reveals his true self to you. That's why relationship is so hard. It takes a long time to really get to know a person.

Anyway, I am really happy for you that you're able to make up your mind to break up with him. Have a Merry Christmas.

anouk.oui
12-24-2011, 05:41 AM
im feeling better now. at first i was unsure now im 100% sure ive made the right decision and im actually really happy! its like a huge weight has been lifted off and i just feel so light and stress-free. i havent been this happy in months.... years? its like a big gloomy cloud has passed and im free to sit in the sun. which is what ive done today. best swim i had. i can finally enjoy myself.

sure i do think it was fun and i loved him and all but we grew to be too different and if this gloomy depressed state is a permanent and recurring fixture of his personality i dont think i would be able to be strong over n over again and pick him up and get him help and get his life together. im happy i can do that for myself. i really hope he will sort himself out regardless whether we get back together or not. i like him as a person maybe if he sorted himself and allll his issues out and actually took steps to move his life forward i would consider probably seeing him again but this breath of fresh air feels nice and its just what i needed.